//------------------------------//
// Epilogue :: Confessions 
// Story: Murder for 'Briar 
// by Tirimsil 
//------------------------------//

"Fillies and gentlecolts!" Trixie cried before a crowd that stretched out into the horizon. "Behold, as the Great and Powerful Trixie saws this stallion in half!"

There was a cheer that could crack the earth in two as she produced a massive saw from her hat.

"Yeah! Go for it, Trixie! Kill that bastard!" Pinkie Pie shrieked.

"You and I never agree on anything, Trixie, but yes! Murder the only pony with a more punchable face than mine!" Twilight Sparkle cheered.

"You will get a full pardon," Princess Celestia promised.

Princess Luna stared anxiously and blinked.

"Technically," Mud Briar began, wrapped up in a box with only his head sticking out. "The severed two portions of my person would not be completely congruent..."

Trixie put the saw to the box and began to work feverishly, with loud grunting pats and a manic smile. The cheers only intensified.

"... thus one cannot define my remains as 'halves' under the mathematical sense..."

Trixie must have cut through the mouthy prick by now. She kept working, growling low under his ranting.

"... that 'halves' are the only two portions of a whole, and furthermore equal, and thus must be..."

The saw popped out, having cut through the entire box.

"... two bodies completely identical in all but orientation."

Trixie stared at him still talking, then lifted and stared at her saw with a massive scowl, as though it had betrayed her.

The crowd was silent now. She tossed the saw to the floor.

Princess Luna landed on the platform. "Trixie. Are you alright?"

Trixie turned, bowed to her perfectly, then leapt up and slapped her across the face, the crowd gasping in horror. Luna jumped back with a yelp and stared wide-eyed at her, completely baffled, one hoof where Trixie had hit her.

Trixie turned back and opened the box.

Two smaller Mud Briars fell out. "Technically," they began in unison with a higher-pitched voice than before, "Since we are identical, I suppose we are halves, if we are taken collectively as a whole..."



Trixie shrieked bloody murder and woke up.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa!! There, there, you're okay now," Starlight soothed, a gentle hoof on Trixie's chest. "You had a bad dream." Starlight tenderly hugged her, one hoof stroking her hair.

Technically, it is called a nightmare, Mud Briar's voice resounded in her head.

"Mama..?" Trixie asked breathlessly, out of her wits. Starlight got a wobbly smile and tears came into her eyes.

Trixie panted and looked all around at the ponies around her, and at the one in the bed across the room. They were in Maud and Mud Briar's room, it seemed. Maud Pie was looking at her - down to a 4 if not lower. In fact, she looked positively abashed.

Oh, that's right. Trixie had just been clobbered by Rockzilla. She'd almost forgotten. A pony could probably have forgiven her for forgetting the past three years of her life, actually. That would be nice. That time period included the GalactaStick thing.

Mud Briar sneezed ("Yazinga!"). He was the one in the bed, his face bright enough to glow gently in the dark, deadpanning up at the ceiling. Trixie's brows furrowed in utter confusion.

"Look in the corner, Trix," Starlight sniffed. Trixie was incredibly embarrassed she had called her mama and, to avoid looking at Starlight, looked in the corner.

And there it was. Planted in soil, and under glass, was a Bright-Faced Moonflower, gently glowing. He'd actually found one. Well! Trixie was not such a bad horticulturist after all, it would seem!

"Mud Briar told us that he's not infectious - just the flower is," Starlight said. "As long as no one, I dunno, clumsily knocks it over, it's safe under the glass." Trixie felt very targeted.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," Maud Pie spoke up. Her voice was wavering. "I was... very upset."

Trixie blinked a few times and tested her bones for broken-ness. She was able to sit up. They'd brought a cot in for her, it seemed, and she gathered up her bedsheets around herself for modesty.

"Trixie -- er. I understand. I'm... I'm okay, I think. Believe it or not, I've suffered worse, and... deserved it less too than I did tonight - wait." Trixie blinked. "How long have I been unconscious?"

"Only an hour or two," Starlight informed her. "You're a bit bruised up, but the doc said you'll be fine with some rest. We'll move you back to your bedroom tomorrow."

Maud looked away, her eyes watering. Trixie had never seen her so miserable. She remembered that, whenever Applejack injured someone with her immense strength, she fell apart into a huge guilt trip. Maybe Maud was also fearful of her own power.

Trixie awkwardly cleared her throat. "I um, feel I owe everyone an explanation..."

They all looked to her silently. Mud Briar yazinga'd.

Trixie opened her mouth and sighed. "Trixie is a bimbo."

Everyone raised an eyebrow. "What?" Starlight interjected. "What kind of an explanation --"

"Trixie is -- I am... jealous, petty, vengeful, and sometimes very stupid," she continued. "I have a huge problem with holding grudges secretly and... and um... inconveniencing the ponies around me with lies, falsehoods, and shenanigans."

The stares she got said Gosh, we never knew that! in the most sarcastic way possible.

"By 'inconveniencing', do you mean you tried to kill my boyfriend several times on his birthday." Maud Pie clarified. She was down to 3 now, though.

"I-don't-really-want-him-dead!!!" Trixie squirmed nervously, wincing from her bruises. "I suppose I became less reasonable as the day went on. Maud, you're always with him, and I've felt like I can't talk to you without dealing with... his erm... eccentricities... and when he mocked my performance I was quite simply fed up! And so, I spited him at the theater, I sent a legion of morons after him at GalactaStick, I tried to drop a chandelier on him which was probably double his body weight... aaand I tried to murder him by leaving him alone in the most dangerous forest in Equestria in the middle of the night."

"Technically," Mud Briar began, and Trixie's jaw clenched while Maud's eyes flitted to look towards him, "Under Equestrian federal law - yazinga! - it would likely have been found as ponyslaughter. Murder is premeditated and planned out with clear intention or malice aforethought. Ponyslaughter is impromptu, caused by sudden anger, sufficient provocation, or gross negligence."

She hissed and sat up. "Technically it can still be murder" -- but she stopped, as not only did Maud's eyes sharpen slightly, but Trixie groaned in pain and laid back down -- "b-birthday boy," she coughed weakly.

"I'm pretty sure the chandelier thing would've counted as murder," Maud said, "It was pretty premeditated."

She saw Mud Briar smile - that stupid smile that made her want to swing a baseball bat at his mouth. "Very well, the chandelier incident is accepted as attempted murder. But technically, my birthday ended at midnight approximately forty-five seconds --"

Before Trixie could respond, Maud turned very sharply and looked right at Mud Briar, who stopped in mid-sentence, blinked, yazinga'd, and pulled his covers up higher. "Mud Briar." Maud said sternly. "I haven't said anything all day. Because it was your birthday. But I should have said this much sooner. I think you should stop teasing Trixie. She has been trying to kill you for the last sixteen hours and both of you got h-hurt because of it." Her voice cracked slightly. She was definitely distraught.

Trixie blinked in shock. "... T... T-teasing..?"

"Y-you're absolutely right, of course," Mud Briar stammered. "P-Provoking Trixie is so easy as to be dull..."

Trixie sat back up, grunting in pain. "You've been doing it on purpose?!" Maud simply blinked.

"... S-so easy in fact," Mud Briar continued, blinking in fear at Maud's face, "That while doing so these past few minutes - yazinga! - I, I have decided on how best to articulate my sentiments in regards to her recent behavior."

Trixie glared at him.

"Thank you." he wheezed.

Trixie jumped right out of bed. "Whaaaat?!" Then she made an ungodly sound of pain, and Starlight had to help her back onto her cot.

"Whaat?" Starlight and Sunburst slurred, confused.

"What." Maud added in.

"While I continue to enjoy horticulture and pedantry, my favorite two activities of course... " Mud Briar sniffed, "... even they can become rather boring with sufficient repetition, and I have come to accept that at times my affection for the latter crosses the line, so to speak, from endearing to rather annoying. Yazinga! My keen mind requires a constant supply of new experiences and stimulations. My birthday has been - was, technically - a very exciting day and night, and if not for you, I would not have acquired a one-of-a-kind specimen of the Bright-Faced Moonflower. This Bright-Faced Flu, which-technically-is-not-a-form-of-influenza, is a small price to pay for all of this. Thank you, Trixie. You are a good friend. Yazinga!"

Everyone was shocked into silence for several seconds.

"She tried to kill you at least three times." Maud pointed out. "You found the flower by pure serendipity."

"Y... You... You're welcome..?" Trixie forced out, utterly bewildered.

"Yeah! Right. Okay, I'll lead this one." Starlight passed everyone a mug. Trixie did not get one, as she was a broken mare on a cot. "To our good friend, Trixie, who has helped us so much and made us so much happier every time she's recklessly endangered our lives!"

Mud Briar smiled. "To our good friend Trixie, who is rarely correct either technically or ethically, but is always reliable to make things interesting."

Maud glanced around and blinked. "To our good friend Trixie, the back-stabbing Bitch of Cadenza IV." Trixie could guarantee that only Maud would be permitted to call her that ever again.

Sunburst blushed at Maud's toast. "T-to our good friend Trixie, wh-who really rocks that GalactaStick outfit!"

Trixie groaned up at the ceiling. "To the Great and Powerful Trixie, the mare of a thousand stories, none of them favorable to her," she deadpanned.

"If someone could pass me my vitamins," Mud Briar asked, and Trixie saw in slow motion as Starlight magically seized a jar of multi-colored pills. Strangely peanut-shaped pills.

She sat up sharply and pointed. "TRIXIE-POISONED-THOOOSE!" The Bruised and Exhausted Trixie cried - though of course that was not possible - and passed out on her cot as the others looked on in alarm.

"In... In her sleep?!" Starlight questioned, pulling the jar open and examining the vitamins in a panic.

"Mmm, sure did, Princess, and Trixie would do it again, too..." Trixie was mumbling in her sleep, smiling contentedly.