//------------------------------// // Someponies Call Me a Killer // Story: In a Chang(el)ing World // by Kaipony //------------------------------// “You look tired, Keen.” “I don’t sleep much. It’s hard to fall asleep, and when I do, I can’t stay down for more than an hour at a time.” “Do you have any physical problems that go along with your sleeplessness?” “Headaches. Bad ones. They start behind my right eye and travel across my forehead. Makes my teeth hurt sometimes, too. There’s a lot of pressure. Like my eyeballs are going to pop out of my skull. My back constantly hurts. Knees and shoulders too. Nothing unusual.” “That’s… not unusual to you?” “Not for the job. Not considering what all we had to do.” “Have you seen anypony about these pains?” “No.” “Why not?” “They’re not important. I take painkillers when I need to. Nothing else anypony can do for it.” “I’m sure that’s not true, but I’m interested to hear why you think your pain isn’t important.” “Everypony hurts. I’m no different. My pain isn’t more important than anypony else’s.” “But if it affects how you live, isn’t that important?” “No, what’s important is what I was doing before I was forced to waste my time talking to you. What’s important is the safety of Equestria. Tracking down those... things and wiping them out. And nopony else seems to understand that! And then we go and invite the wolves into the sheep’s pen. Now, Doctor, you tell me how my pain is ‘important.’ ” “It’s not my preferred method, but I can prescribe you something that would help. It wouldn’t be something that you often take. Only when you need the help.” “Drugs? Not a chance. I’m not getting knocked out so deep that I can’t hear a changeling creeping into my room at night.” “Do you think that’s going to happen?” “There’s always a chance. A lot of sounds wake me up. It’s an old habit.” “Tell me about how you picked up this habit.” ~~*~~ Skidding on pebbles as she rounded a street corner at full gallop, with her ever-present Guard escort close behind, Faith fought to keep her balance. She stumbled once, but accelerated through the stuttering step, drawing nearer to a commotion at the base of a steep avenue.  “Again!?” the Guard shouted, struggling to keep up with Faith in his armor. “You can’t keep breaking the rules!” “So throw me in the brig!” Faith shouted back, slowing slightly to keep from losing her balance again around the curves. “Just wait till I make sure he’s okay first.”  The roadway meandered such that it eventually plunged over a rise, snaking down a hill to an intersection at the bottom. Traffic had been diverted, and a couple of small crowds were being held back by a trio of uniformed police officers. The intersection itself was awash with debris. Nearby were the crushed remnants of a ponyless carriage, demolished under the weight of a balcony and support pillar that lay atop the rubble. Several burly stallions were hard at work, moving the most substantial pieces out of the road with a combination of magic and muscle.  An ambulance wagon was parked on the clearest side of the intersection. A pair of medics were tending to someone who was hidden behind the cart. Faith crossed the road, heading straight for a familiar face, and ignored an angry unicorn on the sidewalk who seemed to be fuming at a reporter about the loss of his priceless carriage. She made it to the other side and tapped the shoulder of the pony she had recognized. “Officer Duster,” she said brusquely. “I got your message. What happened?” The police stallion turned, looking up from his clipboard full of paperwork, and tipped his hat in greeting to both Faith and the panting Guard that stopped a short distance away. He then swept a hoof towards the mess of masonry and carpentry that was occupying most of the street. “A poorly made building and a poorly made carriage. One of the connector pins on that magic wagon rattled loose and sent the whole thing down the hill at full speed. The owner bailed out before the impact, but the carriage hit the support beams for that balcony. It nearly crushed your friend.”  “Is he okay?” she pleaded. Duster nodded. “Yeah, he’s fine. A citizen by the name of Green Gloss happened to be crossing the street at the same time. Luckily for Keen Edge, Gloss acted quickly enough. If he hadn’t been there, then Keen might have been a pony pancake.” Faith breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “Thank you, Officer. And thank your office for alerting me.” “No problem at all, Faith.” Duster pointed to the ambulance cart. “Keen’s over there getting checked out by the medics. Just in case.” Faith patted Duster on the shoulder and started toward the wagon before a hoof stopped her. Faith turned to find her Guard glowering at her behind his helm. “You are not making this easier on yourself, ma’am,” he hissed. Faith tensed for a moment, saying, “I’m aware,” and then brushing his hoof off. She could feel his glare on the back of her head the entire way. The medics had two patients seated next to each other at the rear of the ambulance. Both had scrapes, cuts, and bruises, but neither looked like they had suffered anything more than minor injuries. Keen Edge was closest to Faith as she approached, but his attention was wholly on the other patient who sat next to him. The changeling was about the same size as Keen Edge, with an emerald carapace and milky amber wings and eyes. Faith stopped short of the cart, hanging back when she heard Keen clear his throat. “Thank you, I guess,” he said in a monotone voice. It was an acknowledgement more than anything genuine. “You’re welcome,” the changeling replied in kind. He scratched at a bandage that covered a portion of his right foreleg and nonchalantly added, “I know who you are, by the way.” Keen blinked. “Excuse me?”  “Word spreads quickly among my kind.” Gloss shrugged. “It’s the old hive mind thing, I think. Besides, everyling in Canterlot knows your face by now.” His voice chilled. “At least, they know enough to move to the other side of the street if they see you coming their way.” Keen glared at Gloss. “Your kind invaded my home. You killed my best friend during the attack. When you grabbed me in the street, I thought you were finishing what your kind started with... him.” “I’m sorry about your friend. It… What we did that day we did because we were desperate, but that doesn’t make it right.” Gloss chewed on his cheek for a moment, weathering Keen’s glare. “We’re trying to change, Keen Edge. We want this. You can’t slap a new coat of paint on something and call it ‘redeemed,’ but we’re willing to show you ponies that we’re trying if you lot give us the chance.” Gloss sucked in a sharp breath when he flexed his foreleg. A small, buzzing chuckle escaped from his lips. “I wouldn’t have bothered with you if I weren’t being genuine about this. ” He turned an icy glare Keen’s way as he said this. “Rogue guards like you out to burn everything we built to the ground. I’m just grateful there weren’t many of your ilk.” Keen Edge said nothing. He sighed, then reached around his neck and unclipped a small disc of metal hanging on a strip of twine. Faith knew what it was, and whose name was inscribed into its surface. Every Guard received one after they graduated from boot camp.  “You want an apology, is that it?” Keen said, staring emotionlessly at Gloss. “Because you’re not getting one.”  Gloss snorted. “No changeling ever thought we’d be anything more than slaves to Chrysalis. Now look at us.” He slipped off the ambulance cart. “Keep your apologies; I don’t need them. I’m content with where I’m heading. Are you?” Gloss briefly conferred with one of the medics, gave him his thanks, and then walked away. Faith waited until the changeling was gone before she approached, her escort moving a short distance away to stand aside on the sidewalk. Keen looked up and gave her a half-hearted sneer. “Ma’am. I can’t get rid of you, can I?” She shook her head. “It doesn’t look like you were badly hurt.” “Just a few bumps and bruises. From when that changeling tackled me.” “He looked like he was in worse shape.” She peered into his eyes. “That wasn’t your doing, was it?” Keen shook his head. “No. Part of the railing from the balcony bounced off the pavement and caught him in the leg pretty good.” He shuddered. “I’m pretty sure I heard his carapace crack a little. It sounded just like...” Keen’s eyes clamped shut and he twisted his head away from Faith, giving it a sharp shake, as though trying to shake something out of his skull.  “Keen?” Faith moved to alert one of the medics, but Keen blocked her with a raised hoof. A shiver ran through his body, starting at his ears and crept down to all four of his hooves. He shook his head again after the trembling subsided. He carefully opened his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he leaned back. “I feel it in my bones when I hear that noise.” Faith looked at Keen, leaning there against the interior of the cart. Then she said, “Come on. Let’s get you back to the barracks.” They consulted with one of the medical ponies before leaving, and Keen was pronounced fit enough to be transferred into military custody. Under the watchful eye of their accompanying escort, Keen Edge and Faithful Watch strode down the road toward the castle barracks. They walked in silence, Faith with her eyes forward and Keen looking intently at the ground. As they neared the portcullis that allowed entrance into the barracks courtyard, Keen cleared his throat. “The changeling saved me. He knew who I was, but he still did it. Why?” “Because you’re the same.” Keen stumbled, and he sucked in a breath. His eyes shifted to Faith, the fiery daggers from so many previous conversations were sheathed, but poised. “I mean like you before...” Faith sighed. “Before I sent you into the field. He knew your reputation, but still dove in to help you out.” She arched an eyebrow at Keen. “Sound like a familiar tune?” Keen grunted. “It’s the same reason I gave you when you asked why I joined up. That, and...” His mouth froze as the name stuck in his throat. Keen closed his mouth and swallowed hard. “We both just wanted to do the right thing in those days.” As the trio neared the barracks, Faith paused just outside of the doorway into the main hall, looking up at the seal of the Royal Guards that hung above the threshold. She shifted her gaze down to Keen, who fidgeted in the evening air. “Maybe you two have more in common than you think.” Her ears drooped as her voice grew softer. “And seeing what I’ve caused, maybe that’s something I never had to begin with.” Keen Edge did not reply. He scrutinized Faith’s neutral expression for a few tense moments, his frown never wavering. Without a word, he turned and marched up the stairs to the barracks hall door and disappeared inside.  Faith released the breath she was holding and glanced back at her Guard escort, who looked at her disapprovingly. She sighed again as he pulled out a magic-nullifying ring and placed it on her horn. ~~*~~ A bead of sweat gradually inched its way down Faith's neck, the itching sensation causing the hairs of her coat to twitch. She remained stiffly at attention, unable to wipe away the offending irritant. Wrapped around her was a room that stood as a monument to the life of the stallion that occupied the wide desk in front of her: military awards and commendations from both Equestria and the Crystal Empire; bright photos of a lavender unicorn mare; a garish alicorn in a heart-shaped frame; and an older unicorn couple beaming proudly alongside a young Royal Guard cadet. Interspersed among the family pictures were group photos of mares and stallions in uniform. Some of the images featured a stoically stern expression across everypony's face, but many were light-hearted and suffused with an air of camaraderie that made the photos gleam with an inner intensity. The office itself was quiet except for the rhythmic scratching of a quill across a scroll and the ticking of an ornate floor clock as its pendulum steadily swung back and forth. Faith maintained her impassive gaze as Shining Armor scribbled short, concise comments on papers from a manilla folder. Next to the documents sat a veritable mountain of folders, all containing more paper.  With a final flourish of his quill, Shining Armor placed the papers with his comments back into their folder and added it to a much smaller pile on the other side of his desk. As he reached for the next file on the mountain, he flicked a glance toward Faith. "Have a seat, Lieutenant," he grunted, removing the first sheet from the file. "Thank you, sir." She took a seat in the right chair of the two that sat in front of Shining Armor's desk. After a moment's pause, she cleared her throat. "Sir, are any of those the papers of my court-martial?" "No." Shining Armor did not look up from his annotations. "Not yet, at least. After the trial last week, the post-trial documents were appended to your official record." He gestured to the manilla mountain on his left. "These are the newly redacted after-action accounts and intelligence reports from your Task Force—all of them. Much of what transpired is going into the furnace. Each pony under your command will get the same debriefing and be required to swear the same oath of confidentiality that you did after the court-martial." He stopped writing, sighed, and set his quill aside. Shining Armor rubbed his eyes before fixing Faith with his gaze. "I hate having to hide anything, but the damage to relations would be greater if the public ever heard about this." Faith fidgeted in her chair. "Captain, I've heard rumors. Am I here because you're going to recommend a retrial, and that I am to be discharged?" Shining Armor looked down to straighten the sheaves of paper in front of him. Then he leveled a cool gaze at Faith. "No. Although the board doesn’t believe that you have it in you to turn a new leaf and redeem yourself, Princess Luna intervened before the final verdict. She is, more than any of us, more qualified to judge a pony’s capacity to change who they are for the better. I’m not sure I completely agree, but I will follow my orders.” His glinting eyes bored into Faith’s. “We didn't give up on Keen Edge, and, for the time being, neither will we give up on you. Provided you toe the line. Understood?" Faith nodded curtly. "Yes, sir." "You made your case to the board," he continued, leaning back in his chair. "I understand the reasoning behind your choices, even if I disagree with them. What I need to hear from you, away from the eyes and ears of everypony else, is why." Faith's shoulder twitched, and her ears flicked at some unseen irritant. "I don't follow." "Why did you lie to me in your reports?" Shining Armor gestured at the redacted files. "The real reasons, Lieutenant. I want to know." The silence that Shining Armor allowed to hang in the air was punctuated only by the ticking of the clock until Faith sighed. "I admit that I didn't disclose some things, sir, but I didn't lie. I reported the facts of the missions and their outcomes," she answered flatly. "Your version of the facts, Faith," the stallion retorted with an accusatory jab of his hoof. "The court-martial board made it quite clear that your responsibility was to report everything about your missions, and especially about what you were condoning in order to achieve such a high success rate. Not just that which you wanted us, the princesses included, for Celestia's sake, to know." Faith sniffed and lowered her chin just slightly. "Honestly? Because I believed you would have stopped me. The princesses would have been appalled. Even Luna, for all her stories about fighting monsters before her banishment." She lifted her chin back up. "I feared that the Task Force would have been disbanded earlier, or that command would have been given over to somepony who wasn't willing to get their hooves dirty to keep Equestria safe." Shaking his head, Shining Armor leaned forward and placed his elbows on the desk. "‘Beware that, when fighting monsters, you do not yourself become a monster...’ ” he recited. "‘...For when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.’ " Faith leaned forward too. "Sir, you’ve fought the horrors of the frozen northern reaches. You know that you can't fight predators without fangs of your own. My ponies were those fangs." Something in Shining Armor seemed to click, and his ears swiveled forward. "Is that what you tell yourself to justify what you did to Keen Edge?" Faith recoiled like she had been slapped in the face. Her mouth opened and shut several times before she found her voice. "I had a duty to the mission,” she said evenly. “To Equestria." "You also had a duty to look after your subordinates' welfare, not manipulate them." The hairs on the back of Shining Armor's neck bristled. "And by purposefully keeping your superiors out of the loop, you’re just admitting how calculated this was from the get-go." "Sir," Faith continued, her voice growing stronger. "I explained all of this to the board. Is this really about my conduct, or is it about how you feel about me withholding information from you?" "You lied to me," he said, fuming. "You lied to the princesses and to those who trusted you, abused the power given to you. And for what? ‘The safety of Equestria?’ That is inexcusable! Above all else, you were, are, honor-bound to uphold the tenets of this country and tell the truth." Faith slammed a hoof down onto the arm of her chair. "Equestria couldn't handle the truth! Sir, I agree that redeeming the changelings was a far better course of action than the alternative, but there's no telling what havoc they could have wrought. We were all that stood between Equestria and chaos! We fought back the tide! We took the fight to them!"  "Possibilities and maybes have nothing to do with treating every creature with respect. Did you ever even think about what you were doing to those under your command? What they, in turn, did to fellow sentient creatures? You were charged with finding them, with capturing them! The repercussions of your actions have ruined lives, Faith. If you can't understand that, then maybe I need to request an audience with Luna and recommend she reconsider the board's original decision." Faith shot out of her chair and stood trembling before Shining Armor. "Do I understand? Of course I understand! I'm reminded every day of the consequences of what I've done. I know you're aware of how many times I broke house arrest rules to make sure Keen Edge made it home after one of his drunken binges. And that I speak with his therapist every week to see how he's progressing. I was his friend, and now Keen barely even tolerates being around me. And if Princess Luna doubts my words, then she’s free to come watch the nightmares that visit me every time I fall asleep." Faith dropped heavily back into her seat and took several deep, shuddering breaths. "Every time I see a reformed changeling I can't help but imagine what they would think if they knew who I was; what I allowed ponies like Keen to do. If you want to know whether I'd do it all over again, I don't know. I can't say for certain. Neither can I say that I fully regret the choices I made. But every single day, I regret what those choices ended up doing. Especially to the pony who trusted me the most."  Shining Armor watched Faith silently long enough that she seemed to deflate in her chair. "Did you ever apologize to him?" he finally asked. "No, sir," Faith muttered. "I never expected he would have accepted it." She jumped at the abrupt screech of wooden legs against the floor as Shining Armor rose from his chair and came around the desk to stand next to Faith. She looked up to meet his eyes. "Forgiveness isn't approving what happened," he said sternly. "It's choosing to rise above it. You’ve made terrible choices, but that doesn't mean you have to continue making the same mistakes. I think Keen might be in a position to understand that now. I’m hoping you’ll understand that soon, too. Don't ever forget what you did to bring yourself to this point, but don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energy moving forward towards an answer." "How can I move towards an answer if I don't even know the question?" "That's for you to figure out, Lieutenant." He returned to his desk and retrieved a small scroll from a drawer, hoofing it to Faith. "You’re being assigned additional duties in addition to the disciplinary actions directed as a result of your court-martial." Faith took the scroll and unrolled it, scanning the document. "Your restrictions in movement are limited to your personal residence and Guard facilities within the confines of the castle grounds,” Shining Armor continued. “Since the court-martial and investigation is over, a Guard will not accompany you at this time. You will, however, be required to check in with the castle guardpost every morning by 0700 and submit to random checks at your home. Although you were not demoted, you will not hold any position requiring subordinates to work under your supervision. Instead, you will be assigned administrative duties under the Head Quartermaster.” Faith sighed and nodded. The litany of restrictions pressed onward. “Finally, Doctor Luminant Heart will attend you at your residence to begin mandatory therapy sessions. She’s going to try and help you, Faith, but make no mistake, your future in the Guard will depend on the kind of pony you choose to be and how you conduct yourself from this moment forward.” Shining Armor paused to allow the information to settle. “You and Keen are more alike than perhaps either of you wants to admit,” he concluded. “Maybe Doctor Heart can help you figure out the right question so you can start working on that answer. But if you so much as set half a hoof out of line, not even the princesses will be able to save you from the brig." Faith re-rolled the scroll and stood. She saluted. "Yes, sir. I understand." Shining Armor returned the salute and, with a deft flick from his magic, opened the office door. "Don’t disappoint me again, Lieutenant. Dismissed."