//------------------------------// // Entry 9: Inexplicably Bad Mevening... // Story: A Very Happy and Sunny Life // by Wearin Hat //------------------------------// I must admit that I haven’t slept that well in quite some time. Maybe it’s a sign that things are going to start turning around for me? It’d be about time for something like that to happen. On top of losing my home, my possessions, and Shirley to a fire, I’ve pretty much had a craptastic life. It’d be wonderful if things were really starting to go my way. You know what? I’m not going to sit here and complain like a mare or something. No, I’m not gonna let this get me down. I’M INVINCIBLE! Alright, let’s plan my mevening out. I want to hit the town again to see if I can find any buyers for the Element of Kindness. That's gonna suck cause Ponyville isn’t really known for wealthy (Or, disregarding myself, physically attractive.) citizens. My first targets will be the few that are significantly wealthy. Filthy Rich is rich enough to qualify for at least two of those few. The only other obvious candidate is Rarity. She’s into gaudy jewelry and that must mean she's gotta be loaded in some way. Likely has something to do with the 'special measurements' I'm sure she gives to customers who pay an extra bit or two. Unfortunately, I can’t really recall any other ponies with significant wealth. I could always go find the pony it belonged to and see if I can’t squeeze the two thousand out of her somehow. Meh, I don’t like dealing with thoughts like those. I hate dealing with ponies and I dislike being social. So you can easily see why I’d be so hesitant to go galloping out screaming that I’m looking for somepony willing to spend a fortune to buy the Element of Kindness. My nightday should be boring as crap. I kinda want to stop by either Sweet Apple Acres or the Apple family stand in the market so I can inquire as to Carty’s condition. Despite my rest being the best I’ve ever had, I must admit that I had trouble getting to sleep at first due to worrying about him. I mean, Shirley meant a whole lot more to me than that troublesome cart but I can possibly overlook how loyal he's been to me. Other than that I have no clue as to what to do until work. I could always take a stab at plan MUFFIN DESTROYERER or something of the like. You know what? I kind of like that idea. The only thing more tempting than achieving divine retribution against the retard is to go find that grey mare with the hot accent. I hate it when my nightdays are like this. You have things you want to do, but you can’t seem to formulate plans or make choices. I mean…the fuck? Is somepony knocking on my door? Why the crap would anypony bother me this early in the mevening? I’ll be right back, Booky. I’m gonna go see who this is. If I'm not back in five minutes then take care of the button collection. Booky…do you know how sometimes things suck? No, its ok…you can talk now if you’d like to…you’re ungrounded. Still no answer? Oh, well, let me calm down before I get into what just happened. Alright, I think I’m as calm as I can be at the moment. I opened the door to find five of the six Elements of Harmony and two royal guards waiting for me outside. Seems like overkill, but I suppose that's just how the conspirators operate. Turns out I was right when I mentioned that Twilight was fast on concocting a plan for getting the Element of Kindness from me. Let me set the scene for you: Standing outside my house were seven ponies with determined expressions on each of their faces. On the furthest left was the first of the two guards I noticed. He was absolutely packed with muscle and I feel that angering him would’ve been the equivalent to having a rock dropped onto my head (Incidentally his face reminded me of a rock that I see out near Sweet Apple Acres.). The other guard was on the furthest right of the group. You see, I recognized this formation from back before my dad pulled me out of school. These guys were in flanking (Hehe, flank.) formation. Am I really considered so dangerous to those royal bitches that an actual death-squad was deemed necessary? I don't know whether to be flattered (Or flattened for that matter.) or disturbed by that. Applejack seemed to be the only one genuinely happy to see me in some form. However, ignoring that orange slut's expression, it was I who had the genuinely happy look on my face. Why? Well, my bookish companion, it took me less than a second to notice she had Carty with her. What can I say? Despite the massive possibility of being killed by royal guards I was still overjoyed at seeing the old fella sitting there all healed and better. Rarity looked positively uncomfortable (Honestly, can high-class whores like her ever actually BE comfortable?) being there. This is going to be some sort of turning point for me as my hotness must be toned down a bit as she looked paralyzed by it. However, I could still see the look of true determination on her face beneath the frozen expression of angst. Whatever she was here to accomplish would be something she would see through to the end. Hiding behind her was a pony that I can’t recall ever having met before. She’s all yellow with a pink mane and tail. She’s also a pegasus, so yeah, weird. The only time she even tried to be brave was when I hoofed over the Element of Kindness, which means that she must be Fluttershy, the pony who owns the thing according to what I’ve had yelled at me. Seeing Pinkie Pie pissed me off. I mean come on, if Twilight wanted back up or something then she could’ve easily grabbed as many stallions as she wanted. Bringing that pink nuisance was absolutely not needed. Well, I suppose I’ll go ahead and detail the scene further for the sake of the atmosphere of the story, she was bouncing up and down with an eager smile on her face. Yeah, the same one as usual. Twilight looked beyond pissed beneath the veil of calmness she was wearing. What’s her deal? I mean come on; I have literally done nothing to anger her in my entire time of knowing her. Sure, I’ve slighted her on the price of stuff I sell to her sometimes, but that’s just business, nothing to get emotional over. You see, you can’t trust mares, Booky. One moment everything is fine and the next they are plotting your death. Then again, perhaps she was little miffed that I hospitalized one of her friends and then showed up at her doorstep with the Element of Kindness. I can almost rationalize her rage in that sense. However, I’d like you to please notice that I put ‘almost’ in that sentence. As I expected, Twilight did most of the talking. She told me that the Elements of Harmony are the exceptions to my agreement with Mayor Mare that anything I find on duty belongs to me. Her follow-up explanation was that my failure to hoof over the necklace would warrant action from the two burly guards she brought with her. Not wanting to be awkwardly smothered by two mountains of muscle, I calmly gave up what was supposed to feed me for the rest of my life. Never one to expect anything positive, I was expecting her to force me to apologize for hurting their lesbian friend. You could say I was wrong with that expectation. Twilight told me that Rainbow greatly appreciated the flowers I sent her and that she wanted to apologize for acting without thinking. I was mysteriously getting the vibe that I was being lied to. Oh, that wouldn’t be good for our relationship at all. If she was really lying to me, then whatever trust -count that as being just above none- I had would be lost immediately. However, blatant lie aside, I knew a catch was coming. To be honest, I’d be willing to bet on Celestia’s festering teat that my eighth sense would be to know that a catch was coming. Now that I think about it, that would make me a really good baseball player….huh…well, that’s thought for later. For now I must focus on this entirely fair and not at all upsetting encounter. The catch finally arrived when Twilight demanded that I apologize to Pinkie Pie for the cake thing, yep, things were quickly dissolving into one of those cliché situations where the protagonist gets humiliated for no reason at all. I swear to Celestia that I wanted to become a drunk after that; I still kinda want a few drinks. Let me just go ahead and clear up the murky water so that you and I have an understanding; I DO NOT LIKE PINKIE PIE! I HATE HER AND I HATE TAKING TO HER! THUS, THEREFORE, HENCEFORTH, AND FOREVERMORE, INTERACTIONS WITH HER ARE VERY PAINFUL FOR ME! Luckily, for fear of being destroyed by the two stallions, I managed a polite apology that Pinkie didn’t accept. Yeah, you read that right. She didn’t accept it. Her conditions for accepting my apology were that I allow her to throw a party for me, that I attend said party, that I eat some of her specially made cupcakes -a prospect I still find to be eternally unnerving for some reason- that she would make for my party, and that I apologize for not finishing my game of tag with Gummy. There are certain things I’m capable of enduring: nerds going on rants about things I don’t care about, clichéd classical music, smelly crap, smelly trash, smelly crap in smelly trash, burning alive -I said endure, not tolerate or forgive- alongside my possessions, Carty’s shenanigans, large quantities of alcohol, and the constant drone of what I can only assume is impending insanity. As you’ll notice, Pinkie Pie and being humiliated are not among those certain things. You see, despite my wonderful life, I am usually capable of brushing off the dust and continuing on like a champ. Notice that I used the quantifier ‘usually’. This was not one of those ‘usual’ situations. No, Pinkie crossed the bucking line on this one and I was either going to let her know just how much she means to me or regrettably shove my own hoof down my throat so as to put myself out of my misery. I chose the former as you have probably guessed by this point. So, being the reasonable stallion that I am, I slammed my door shut as hard I could into her damned smiling muzzle. I really hope Pinkie got hit by the door when I did slam it. It’d be nice to know that I’d set her straight with a healthy thunk to the head. Maybe that’s why she’s so unbearable? I can definitely imagine seeing her shoot out of her mother and smacking her head on a rock or something and then absorbing some evil demon so that said evil could be used for her own nefarious deeds. Who knows, I could end up a hero if that’s the case. I’ve ignored their further attempts to get my attention. From the sound of the knocking I can tell that the guards aren’t the ones doing the knocking. My house would collapse if they were. Knowing that, I’ve deduced that it must be either the brave Applejack or the retarded Pinkie Pie trying to get my attention, which is great, as that means that I can ignore it with no fear of legal ramifications. You know what, Booky? I’m gonna not work daynight. I’d rather just stay inside and totally sulk for a bit. Giving up my ticket to a life of leisure and what little dignity I had left was trampled by Pinkie Pie has ruined this mevening and thus my entire nightday. I’ll get back to work tomorrow. Oh yes, tomorrow will be a day they won’t forget. I’ll set out like a stallion on a mission, cause…you know…I’m a stallion and I’ll be on a…you see where this is going. You see, I’ve got some plans now. Let me list them in order of ferocity with which I intend to pursue them with: MUFFIN DESTEROYERER (that retard is gonna get it good), PINKIE-BREAKER -yeah, she’s gonna regret making me apologize-, and GETTIN’ BUSY -this one will take some time, I’d rather not force the grey mare and I’d like at least one ally I can use for my benefit-.