14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont.)
Okay. Okay.
I over-reacted. I tend to do so around Rainbow. I don’t know why. Maybe you do, Diary, but I am very embarrassed now. I haven’t felt this embarrassed since I was a young filly, back in the days.
I never really wanted to go back there, but Rainbow... she makes me feel young. She makes me feel like a filly, hiding away in the corners.
Not in a bad way. But in a way where I just can’t control my emotions around her.
But—in this case—it wasn’t my fault. I have to say that a lot to myself, but sometimes, things aren’t my fault.
Sometimes things aren’t my fault.
Sometimes things aren’t my fault.
Sometimes things aren’t my fault.
Okay. I got it.
You know, the silly thing is, we argued today because I blamed myself again. It popped up. As you knew it would.
She told me I haven’t changed. And I
feel that I changed.
I have, haven’t I, dear Diary? From those days long ago when I used to cower and cry at everything. The days that honestly bring me a little shame. The days that used to hurt.
I am more confident now. I have been for a while.
And yet, before Rainbow, things always come apart.
But we had a talk about it. We talked about it, and she apologized. She told me that, yes, it was her, not me. And I want to believe it. I wanted to believe it back then, too.
Their lives were not on my hooves.
I promised myself that I would believe it one day.
I’ll have to try. Keep trying.