“BOOM SUCKAS!” The petite fourteen-year-old screamed in untold delight of a massive explosion taking place a few feet away, the shockwave of the blast blowing back her honey blonde hair playfully.
Anywhere else in the universe this blue-eyed ragamuffin would be considered a lost cause, a child who had been lost to the depravity of murder and loot lust. Yet on Pandora, it was the exact opposite, she was an asset that her friends could count on for being…
“HEY BANDIT! Yo momma so ugly, not even a skag would be her friend!” The child taunted jumping out from behind a large oversized boulder giggling.
“NOBODY TALKS ABOUT MY MOMMA! ARGHHHH!!” A nearby bandit foolishly rushed towards the little girl, never watching his surroundings before setting off a nearby mine hidden amongst the scorched sand.
A large wave of crimson splattering across the boulder in a mix of entrails and steaming chunks of flesh. The child pouting in place, both her tiny hands clenched into fists of growing anger.
Her filthy brown dress was spotless devoid of any blood chunks, what was the reason to even stand in the splash zone if it misses you completely?
With both arms crossed over her chest, she let pink colored lips curl into a huge pout. This day had been full of disappointment.
Her name was Tiny Tina, she ruled over this planet with her expertise of blowing stuff into millions of itsy-bitsy pieces. Pandora was her home and like all homes, this place was indeed a fixer-upper.
Vaults were the main attraction around here, huge companies and psychopathic bandits always came out of the woodwork to stir up trouble. If all life on Pandora wasn't ending at least once a week, then this place just wouldn't be as cozy.
Right now Tina was in the middle of protecting an outpost with her Mordy-Mom, something about a hidden stash of eridium that was in danger of blah-blah-blah…
Tina had only one worry at the moment, surprisingly enough it had nothing to do with a dumb glowing purple rock. It was instead about her main woman, the smexy shawty with legs that stretched for miles.
She had to make sure her bae was safe because if anything happened to that tight booty, she couldn't even think about how to go on living. The world would be robbed of one sexy lady and her heart would be broken, babies would have to be eaten in retribution.
Rushing inside the outpost at a blinding speed the young child made sure to click on the front gate’s defense protocol, the sound of electricity surged across the sky followed by the delicious scent of charred flesh filling the air.
Tiny skipped casually down the basement stairs with a childish giggle, the outpost seemed secure enough. Most of this dumb battle had been pushed to the front yard, which was beyond good luck for her seductress.
Her bae hates loud noises.
Quickly typing in the bunker code to the basement, a loud whoosh of air signaled that the rusted old door was safely opened. Pulling it back with a few hefty pulls, the little girl poked her head playfully into the large cozy basement.
Tina's eyes shimmering much like rare gems at the sight before her, a lovely white diamond pony cantering around her surroundings in glee. Her mane an elegant wave of crystalline violet styled in a manner that oozed with nothing but class.
“Butt Stallion, I'm so happy you're safe!” Tina exhaled in relief of the moment, swiftly running over to a hidden cabinet on the wall and clicking it open.
“Lookin’ fine as wine!” She swung open the door revealing a hidden stash of eridium to her lovely equestrian beauty.
Grabbing a few bricks of the priceless material she edged ever closer to her prized pony, lifting up a glowing brick she giggled watching Butt's muzzle sniff the bold rich flavor of radiation off the surface.
Within seconds the pony gobbled up the freely given gift of love, Tina squealing in delight quick to offer up a second helping to her sexy shawty. Never noticing that a silhouette of a scraggly bandit snuck through the open basement door.
He was shirtless covered in scars of every kind, face hidden behind a blood-soaked mask of depravity. Hair had been scorched off by a recent fight with a flamethrower, he quivered in place nervously obviously in need of his next high, clutching a shotgun in both hands.
“GIMME THE ERIDIUM!! GIMME IT NOW!!” He screamed at top volume, his weapon's barrel firmly bonking the child on the back of her skull.
“What eridium fool!? I was just feeding my bae here pop-tarts?” Tina fearlessly turned around to face her certain doom, her button nose rested cutely against the twin-barrel of the ice-cold steel.
“Glowing pop-tarts!?” He snorted loudly behind his mask.
“Duh, they're radiated flavor BOI!” In a flash of movement, she plucked out a switchblade from the front pocket of her dress, plunging it deep into his inner thigh barely missing giblets.
The bandit decided to shoot first in a howl of agony, blasting off two shots at the cartwheeling child dashing behind a nearby crate.
“You freaking stabbed me!?” He fiddled in pain at the blade stuck in his thigh, unsure if he should pull it free.
“I'll do more than stab you, turkey! If you don't leave my crib this INSTANT!” Tina fished out an experimental Matter Displacement grenade from her shoe in a nervous manner.
“I can't feel my freaking junk!” He reloaded his shotgun with a snarl, unloading one round at the crate as it exploded into a storm of splinters.
Tina having crawled away seconds before, suddenly hopped up onto Butt Stallion with a shriek of pure ecstasy. Her tiny thumb clicking the hand grenade on as she aimed for the fences with her throw, the bandit surprisingly nimble as he twirled around blasting the child in the chest with buckshot.
Tina smashed into the wall hard cracking open the secret cabinet, leaving a trail of crimson smeared down the wall. Her enemy laughing maniacally dropping his gun in unbridled excitement, his hollow eyes glowing the vibrant hue of eridium.
“Loot! Loooooot!!” He squealed unhinged from reality.
“They're pop-tarts…Biyat…” She could feel her body become so numb, the steel-clad explosive rolling out of her hand onto the floor.
For a brief second, Tina could see the outline of her true mother in the haze of her fading vision. With a loud pop and a flood of light, she was engulfed in fiery agony across her whole body. Everything turning a blinding white hue, the last sounds of her life dumb ones.
An idiot screaming about his giblets.
And a pain-filled whiny from her bootylicious bae.
Followed by nothing.