//------------------------------// // Staking a Claim Part 3 // Story: She Drives Me Batty // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// “So what was the promise?” I shoved my plate down harder than I probably should have as I set it on the counter for Dad to wash. The two little plates for the twerps rattled in the silence that followed, Dad frowning at his reflection as he washed his current glass. “Honestly? I can’t remember, sport, and I don’t really think that matters.” “Of course it matters!” I huffed. “It mattered enough that you sent me off to feed the twins while you three talked like adults!” “First, we are adults, Night.” Dad sighed, placing the glass back in the clouds to soak as he picked another dish at random. “And second, whatever I actually said, and whatever your aunt thinks I said, none of it is really the point. Right now, she needs our help.” “Then why didn’t you let me help?” I kicked the cloud beneath me. “I could have come up with something….” “Well, if you’ve thought of something, you should let me know; we weren’t talking about how to help your aunt tonight, though….” “You weren’t?” “No.” Dad shook his head. “Tonight was about shaping the clouds and setting the ground rules. I don’t care how bad things are for her, it was a low blow to pull something like this on us. Your mother and I had to remind her just how these things are supposed to work; if Mercy is actually serious this time, she needs to prove it by not throwing every sun-blasted tradition to the wind.” “So you didn’t just tell her no.” I scowled. “Did you want me to tell her no?” Dad arched his brow as he flipped a plate over to examine the back. “Yes— No— I don’t know!” Crossing my forehooves, I settled to my haunches. “Are you actually thinking of saying yes?” “Tradition dictates that’s more up to your mother than it is to me.” There was a clatter as Dad set one plate down for the next. “And I have no plans in the slightest to push your mother into agreeing to do something she doesn’t want. Unless your aunt manages to pull a miracle out of her ass, you have nothing to worry about.” “Okay, but why even bother letting her think she has a chance then?” “I said she has a chance, sport. It’s just not very likely.” Setting his current dish down unfinished, Dad turned to put a hoof on my shoulder. “Whatever actually comes of this, your aunt is as good as kin. She’s family, and she just got kicked out of one clan, so I don’t want her even thinking we might make it two, got it?” “Yes, sir….” Hip checking him, I joined in on the work. “A tie’s a tie, though, so move over.” The chink and tink of glasses and china gave me a moment to breathe and collect my thoughts. “So…” I hrmmed as I violently scrubbed a bit of my glass. The stuff just. Would. Not. Get. Out. “…we aren’t gonna have to move downtown, are we?” “What?” Dad blinked before waving and rolling his eyes. “Nah. I’m just going to ask the princess to recommend somepony to enchant the house with a permanent cloud walking spell. If we’re lucky, she won’t insist on doing it for free herself.” I arched my brow at Dad and he laughed. “Okay, maybe I’m hoping she’ll do it for a friend for free, but only if she offers to. I’m not going to ask the bloody princess to do work for us.” He shook his head, still chuckling. “Mercy should be able to handle constructing a few extra rooms herself, so that’s taken care of too. She said she’d stop by tomorrow and do that while you were at school before looking around town to see if she could get a job.” “She’s— She’s not joining the Dawn Guard?” My glass dropped out of my hooves to drop onto the floor with a fwump. “No….” Dad looked down with a grimace. “I offered to put a word in for her with the princess, but she turned it down.” “That’s…” My mouth opened and closed a few times. “She really needs help, Dad.” “I know.” “She refused that too, didn’t she?” “She did. We’re everything she’s got right now, sport.” “Sweet Nightmother above.” I fell back on my haunches. “Are you going to send a letter to Princess Luna?” “Was planning on using Spike for that tomorrow.” Dad took a step back from the sink to stretch out. “Don’t hold your breath, though. Your aunt might be stubborn enough to turn her down too.” “Discord damn it all.” Shaking my head, I grabbed the fallen glass to start cleaning again. “I do have some good news for you, though.” Dad moved over to the counter and picked up a thick stack of letters. “Your applications all came back today.” “They did?” My ears perked, and I set my glass down to go take the mail from Dad. Snatching the letters, I started leafing through them to find almost every unit I had wanted had written back. “This is a lot more than I was expecting. I figured they’d all trickle in.” “Units usually notice when ponies start applying to multiple places.” Dad chuckled. “It means you’re serious about it as a career.” “Dad, I didn’t even apply to some of these places! Where the hay is Equuicigalpa?!” “It’s a small desert colony off in the west.” Taking that letter from me, Dad opened it and began to read, whistling as he did so. “You must have really impressed them to get an invite. This isn’t the sort of unit you can apply to normally.” Shaking his head, he set it on the counter. “It's a shame it's so far away. You’d have to miss a day or two of school just to fly out there.” “Oh my gosh, Dad! Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad! Loooooook!” I shoved an old and ragged parchment in his face. “I got accepted to Hollow Shades! I never expected them to actually say yes!” “I, uh, really didn’t expect that either.” Dad’s brow furrowed. “They usually only let the natives shadow rangers at your age; that’s not the kind of opportunity you should ever pass up.” “Hollow Shades is so far away, though.” I had to shake my head to keep from letting the giggles consume me. “I’d probably miss school if I chose them, too.” “Night, listen to me.” Putting his hoof on my shoulder, Dad pulled me into a hug. “Your uncle had to go through years of service to earn a chance at being a Hollow Shades’ ranger. If you want to pick them, then I’ll fight your mother fang and hoof to let you go, okay? I mean, it’ll just be for one weekend, right?” “I, uh… might want to see Equuicigalpa too.” I blushed and rubbed the back of my head. “You said it’s a small desert colony, right? I’m kind of curious why they invited me.” “We’ll see.” With a squeak, Dad swept me from hug to headlock, then noogied me mercilessly. “Just make sure you pick some places closer to home too or your mother will murder me, okay? How many letters like that did you get?” “Uh….” Brains don’t work well when being noogied. “Four or five?” “Geeze, sport. I guess you just marked yourself as the go-to cadet to have or something. Your mother and I certainly didn’t ever get invites like that. Not at your age, at least. Maybe Princess Luna’s been stirring the pot for you.” “Sweet Nightmother, I hope not.” I groaned. “I told her I didn’t want her to single me out.” “Pfffft! You did that yourself, Night.” Dad’s laugh rumbled like thunder as he slapped me on the back. “All Princess Luna would need is to poke at a few old rivalries to get them fighting over you like packs of timberwolves.” “I still told her I didn’t want help.” I grumbled, setting the mail back on the counter to resume dishes. “I’ll ask her about it when I tell her about Mercy tomorrow.” Dad snerked as he picked his own plate back up. “But you only have yourself to blame if she did.” “What? Why?! How’s this my fault?” “Who’s the little filly who had the balls to steal not just one but two princesses hearts?” Waggling his brow extra daddily, Dad ducked under my wing as I tried to thwap him. “Hey!” I rustled my wings while wondering if Dad’s smirk deserved another swing. “If you’re gonna be like that, then how do we know it’s not your fault? You’re the one she was over the moon for!” “Aye? But I told her no, and she set her sights on spoiling you.” Dad stuck his tongue out at me. “See, though! That’s exactly why it’s your fault, so there.” I thwapped him again. “The mare is always right.” “Hah! I’ll remember that the next time you gripe about something Diamond said.” With all the dishes finally clean and soaking in the sink, a quick buck from Dad to the counter shifted the clouds into a washer for one final rinse before the convection vents dried them. “Using your mother’s witchery on me.” “It’s not witchery; it’s wisdom.” A blast of wind from the convection vents dried my hooves. “Now, if you need me, I’ll be in my room.” “Roger that.” Dad gave a lazy salute as I picked up my mail and trotted towards the hall. “Your aunt might still be talking with Morning on the porch if you’d like to say good night to her.” Tempting—so very tempting—but maybe Dad and Mom were right to have me watch the twins over dinner. I wanted to say more than just goodnight, and today was still so fresh. Shaking my head, I turned right instead of left, the door to my room clicking shut behind me. “Okay. Let’s see.” I flipped through the applications to get a few must have picks. “Mom and Dad will be sad if I don’t shadow Canterlot, and I got a ‘yes,’ from both Topside and the Undercity. No invite from the Lunar Royal Guard.” Thank the stars for that, at least. Tossing the two automatic yes’s onto my bed, I set the rest on my desk and flopped down into my seat. The flickering flame of candlelight soon sent the scent of cinnamon and cloves through the room, and I nibbled on a few cookies from my secret stash as I looked through replies that remained. “Everfree Rangers? Yes; that can be my backup if Hollow Shades goes south. Yakyakistan border? No; too much cold, too much hair, and way too many echoes. Manehattan is totally a ‘yes.’” I squeed. “So much crime and villainy compared to everywhere else, and it’s close enough I won’t miss school!” Two more joined the pile on my bed and I spun in my seat a few times only to kick a hoof out and stop as I caught one particular yes. “Cloudsdale.” Licking my lips, I grinned. “Okay, gotta go to that one, if only to see a bunch of old feather dusters squawking over a thestral being there.” That made five—seven if I counted the two Dad needed to talk to Mom about. Boonhocks and the Dröhnen mountains sounded nice if only for the sight seeing. They weren’t exactly hotspots of action, but it’d be nice to see a little of them while I had the excuse to. Nine. Nine with some time to figure out the rest or to just pick one and train. That seemed good enough for now, so… Squinting at the door, I cocked one ear to make sure nopony was near. A look at the clock said I had two hours until curfew. Diamond had hers in an hour. Would it be worth it? Yeah. Yeah, it would. I’d have to take precautions to avoid Dad teasing the guano out of me, but I could swoop in and out without anypony noticing me. Just stick some extra cloud here; put my blankets and pillow there; flip the ‘Do not disturb,’ sign on my door around, and I was good to go. With one last look at my door, I sidled up against my wall and pushed my way through without making a sound. My eyes scanned the town below as I remained pressed into the outside of the house—nopony noticed me. “Leave no witnesses, and Dad will never find out.” I took a deep breath. “It’s not even sneaking out. It’s… covert mission training.” Dropping like a rock, I slipped through the shadowlands to appear in an alley below. My momentum from the drop turned into a canter for even more cover. The parked wagon beside the alley entrance was much better for hiding from prying eyes above; I slid like a pro into the shadow beneath it to peek out and make sure the coast was clear. From there, I just had to jump carefully from shadow to shadow, moving down the street until my house was out of sight. I finally made it far enough to climb out and just walk the rest of the way to Diamond’s. Upon arrival, I did things the earth pony way by flicking rocks at her window and hoping it didn’t break. “Night! What are you doing?!” The window opened on the fifth try as a frowning Diamond poked her head out. “Being romantic.” I grinned up at her. “Why? Would you rather I just fly up and knock?” “I’d rather you use the doorbell.” Diamond huffed and stuck her snout up to try and hide her smile. “What doorbell?” I giggled and moved to bite into the ivy draping down her manor’s wall and start climbing. “All I see is a lonesome tower holding my princess captive.” “You’re such a dork.” Diamond stuck her tongue out at me before pulling back inside to grab one of the bags of snacks she always stashed for me. “Stop messing around and fly up here before you fall again.” Pelted with chocolate-covered crickets, my resolve only grew, and I waggled my brow at her as I continued ascending. “Earf mony may.” I briefly spat out the ivy to snatch up a snack. “Would you rather I sneak in to watch you sleep at night before offering to drink your blood?” “Pffffft!” Diamond blushed as she started choking on air. “I thought we agreed to never bring up those books again!” “Did we?” I heaved myself up the rest of the way to boop her snoot with mine. “All I remember is you blushing black enough to burn them.” “What do you want, Night?” Diamond leaned out to pull me in and nipped my ear hard as she did so. “I swear, if you came all the way here just to tease me.” “What can I say? I’m love-sick, and you’re the cure.” I grinned at her and swooped in for another peck. “Now, tell me about your day before I get thirsty.” Diamond squinted at me before shrugging and moving to her bed to hop up. “Well, my day was about as boring as usual.” She patted some space beside her and I joined. “I’m guessing yours wasn’t.” “My aunt showed up and decided to move in without any warning.” My wing curled around her, and I hummed. “Don’t really feel like talking about that now, though. It’s kind of a mess.” I smiled as Diamond nuzzled me. “Mmmmm…. I got a bunch of my unit applications back, too. Started picking places to go shadow ponies and figure out where I want to go after I get out of school.” The nuzzling paused. “I thought you wanted a spot in Canterlot?” “Most ponies have to earn a spot on the Royal Guard, Diamond, and I don’t know if I’d like the regular Canterlot gig.” I giggled. “They kind of have a rep for being pansies. Cushy city life and snobby nobles don’t normally offer that many interesting chances to prove yourself.” “And the Royal Guard is any different?” “Royal Guard all get in on recommendation.” I shrugged. “They earn the right to have that cushy job sitting in front of doors, and they train hard for all sorts of things the Princesses might need them to do. I don’t want Princess Luna playing favorites to get me in, so Canterlot’s probably the last place I want.” “Oh….” Diamond squirmed beside me. “Well, good for you! I take it they all said yes?” “Most of them.” I nodded. “I already have some plans on just where I want to look.” “That’s great!” “Yeah, it is.” I smiled down and sneaked in for another nuzzle, but a knock on the door made me freeze up before it could go farther. “Mistress Diamond? Are you decent? Your father asked that I bring you some cookies and warm milk before bed.” “Uhhhh….” Diamond frantically glanced around her room. “Give me a second, Randolph! I’m just taking care of some dirty laundry!” Shoved off the bed and into a nearby pile of perfumed dresses, hats, and garters, I had to fight not to set Diamond’s room on fire as my neck blazed with the heat of a thousand stars. The scent tickled my nose, and my face caved in in an effort to avoid giving myself away. “Terribly sorry, miss. I could have sworn I cleaned your laundry this morning. Let me just—” The door opened. I sneezed. Clothes flew everywhere. When the dust settled, Randolph set his silver tray on his back to carefully lift an extra lacy stocking off his snout. Eyebrows were arched. Faces burned black. I sneezed again, and one of the matching undergarments flew from my face to his—hind garter still attached as it flopped over his face. “For the last time, Miss Nightingale.” There was a deep breath from Randolph even as Diamond and I squirmed. “You do not need to hide here on your nightly sojourns. Master Rich can feel it when you start climbing the walls. This is his land.” “It’s more… romantic?” Freaking earth pony hooves. “Yes, well, do be careful not to get too romantic. Master Rich is perfectly capable of feeling even the slightest bounce of a bed.” “Screep!” “Would you care for anything else, Mistress Diamond?” The tray was set down on her night stand and the cover lifted to reveal a plate of chocolate chip cookies and two mugs of milk. “No— No, thank you, Randolph.” Diamond finally managed to look up from her pillow to smile. “We should be good.” When the door closed, I slumped onto the floor, burying my head in my hooves with an extra squeaky groan. “Bloody Tartarus, Diamond. Do they do that just to scare the guano out of me?” “Maybe.” My fillyfriend tittered as she got up to pick up all her dresses and hats and things-I-shall-not-name. “Don’t get your tail in a knot over it. Daddy wouldn’t let you sneak in if he didn’t trust you.” “I know. I know.” I sighed. “And I suppose it’s better than Dad’s endless eyebrow waggling.” “I like your dad’s eyebrows.” Diamond waggled her own with a smirk. “You’d probably faint at the thought of kissing me still if they had furrowed like my dad’s do.” “No, I’d be worse.” I laughed and sipped at my milk as Diamond sashayed about. “Your dad barely has it in him to scowl. My dad scowls and I keep myself to a five yard perimeter around you.” Diamond paused mid-step. “You act like it’s gonna pop off and attack you.” I shrugged and took just one cookie before trotting up to nuzzle Diamond goodbye. “Speaking of my parents, though, I should go before they notice I’m gone. Sweet dreams, alright? I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” “You don’t have to, do you?” She purred as I nipped her ear. “One of these days, I’ll convince you to stay.” “One of these days, I might let you.” I pulled back to grin and waggle my brows just like Dad. It got one last giggle out of her and I smirked off a salute as I jumped out the window to glide down and start slinking towards home. “Now all I gotta do is sneak back in, and I’m good.” Taking a deep breath of moon-kissed air, I let it out with a dopey smile. “You know, to sneak back in you have to sneak out first.” My blood ran cold as Dad’s laugh rained down like an avalanche of ice. “How—” “So Diamond likes my eyebrows, does she?” The waggling cometh. “Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!”