~Dear Diary~
Today I'll be admitting that I am unsure how I feel in regards to this version of Equestria and it's insatiable need to throw curveballs at me all the gosh darn time.
While said deviations tend to get hurled at me while my guard is down, which I don't appreciate, in truth I recognize that they haven't always been to my disadvantage. One such canonical anomaly allowed me to retain my original birth sex, to which I am most grateful, while another erased Discord/Eris' return right out of the upcoming episode list. I'm hard pressed to consider such changes as anything less than positive, though I may be a bit bias.
These twists have also proven to me that the show’s events aren't nearly as rigid or scripted as I initially feared. It seems I've been granted some flexibility when it comes to living my own life, which certainly takes a bit of pressure off of my shoulders when it comes to playing my role as Spike. Slowly I'm starting to realize that a wrong turn here, or a misspoken "line" there, isn't going to send everything careening out of control. I'm free to be me.
The negative side of this freedom, however, is that I'm also starting to realize that it came with a rather hefty cost attached to it.
The toll is deceptively simple, yet still an indisputable blight upon my second childhood. It is an insurmountable obstacle, a prickly path, and a bottomless chasm all wrapped into one. Formed from the deepest darkness the forces of anxiety and uncertainty can dare to muster, it is an untamable monster that laughs mockingly at it's challengers. It is the uneven yin to my yang, the ocean to my dragonfire, the hunter that sees me as prey
To put it into simpler, and less dramatic, layman's terms; for every good change to canon I receive, a weird change is not too far behind to counteract it.
Rainbow Dash's quest to become a lady is a great example of this universal balancing act, and one of the many that proved to me that the cost exists at all. I mean, female Rainbow Dash certainly never asked Spike to make her into a gentlecolt! I'm hard pressed to imagine such a scenario happening in the show's later seasons, so this event must have well and truly been a "Barbara" exclusive. A never before seen story, all for me.
Gee.
Thank you sooooo much, Universe.
What a "lovely" gift you've given me.
Now, not to sound too ungrateful, but if I had been given the choice between receiving your blessings and living in the mare iteration of My Little Pony...
... I think I would have chosen to be reborn as Spike in a heartbeat.
Yuck. I can't believe I practically just wrote the words "my life would have been better as a boy," but in a twisted way it's the truth. Stability and predictability are what I crave in my job of discreetly steering Dusk Shine's studies, but it seems I'm destined to never receive either. Whenever I try to convince myself that things are under control, and that I have nothing else to fear, fate has this funny little habit of sucker-punching me right when I'm getting a bit too big for my britches! At some point I imagine I’ll become an expert in rolling with these conceptual punches, and maybe I'll even have the courage to throw a few of my own back... but I don't want to have to bend over backwards to get my charge to where he belongs! I just want everything to stick to the stupid script already!
I'm aware of how hypocritical it is of me to be demanding both flexibility and rigidness within the same entry, but am I truly at fault here? I'm an actor with no lines memorized, allowed no prep time, and trapped in a play entering its flipping mid-production! My Seer powers are just for show at this point; I have as much of an idea as to what the next episode will bring as you! The future is uncertain and that's terrifying!
But that's just how life is, isn't it?
In truth, though I've just spent the opening paragraphs of this entry waxing poetics, I wasn’t worrying about any hypothetical "next times" in the following moments after Rainbow Dash had given me his odd request.
I wasn’t worrying about the future at all back then, actually.
A rare first for me, I know.
No... at the time I was only contemplating on how strangely different my world’s Rainbow Dash is in comparison to the Rainbow Dash from my daughter's old cartoons.
I’ve made mention of these discrepancies before within this book's numerous pages, but to reiterate; the cartoon Rainbow was a tomboy character with hidden girly tendencies. I remember enough of what little I saw of the show to be able to state such a thing confidently. She loved to race, and fight, and she needed to learn life lessons centered around humility; but ultimately she was still an incredibly loyal friend to the end.
In contrast, my Rainbow is a flamboyant eccentric who only taps into his masculine side on rare occasions. He loves racing and manicures in equal order, likes being perceived as both awesome and pretty in the same breath, and he enjoys trolling ponies who refuse to understand him. He’s already stumbled on his joy of reading too, the same joy that female Dash doesn't discover until much later on in the show's timeline, and because of this he's seemingly the most mature pony in our group. He was the one who held back Applejack's heated charge against Nightterror Nebula, was the first to apologize to Dusk during Ticket Master, and, if his interactions with Butterscotch are any indication, he's better in tune with other's feelings than the rest of the boys combined.
That said, Dash was the guy who triggered a fight with the Shadowbolts back during the gang's trip to the Everfree, and he rises to Applejack's challenges all the time, so I guess he's not all that different from the original article. Perhaps this Dash's future episodes will be more geared towards him learning to control his anger, or maybe instead tolerance lessons along with the humility oriented ones... but I'm rambling. Using a title I recall Ashley having used to refer to the group long ago; within this world’s “main mane six” Rainbow Dash is easily the member a casual observer might consider to be the leader, or at least Dusk's second in command. Despite his tendency to tease and prank ponies as Bubble Berry does, and despite only recently sharing the truth behind his differences with me in private; I believe that such observations still ring completely true.
I have since come to accept him and his feminine quirks with open arms just as Dusk begrudgingly does. I love Rainbow the same as I do with most of the other stallions in my life, I only want what's best for him, and I can't wait to see him fly as the wonderful Wonderbolt I know he can be someday.
So then, now that you know where I'm coming from, I can now accurately illustrate what transpired next. The answer I gave the loyal colt for his selfless plea should no longer be that shocking to you, dear reader.
I practically spelled it out already.
◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠
“No.”
“Bu-”
“No.”
“You didn’t let m-”
“No.”
“Barb!”
“No.”
Rainbow Dash growls crossly at my stonewalling. He’s clearly upset.
Good.
“Come oooonnnn!” he begs, flying circles all around me. “Why won’t you at least hear me out?”
“Forty four bits, that’s why.”
Dash blinks blankly at my words as he halts to hover in place
“Wait, you want me to pay you??”
Shaking my head, I place The Poisoned Barb away into my purse and then just as quickly pull out one of my letter sending seals.
The source of my ire.
“No,” I snarl as I shove the enchanted item into RD’s confused looking face. Brimstone scented smoke escapes my nostrils as I explain how “Forty four bits... was what it cost to replace the scroll seals your stupid prank forced me to use up!”
At first Dash is flummoxed by my words…
... but then a look of realization dawns on him as he finally recalls what I wanted him to remember; how he and BB had earlier frightened me with a surprise thunderclap, which in turn caused me to hiccup flames and trigger some rather delicate cargo I had been carrying at the time.
The result was a month's worth of fresh sending seals being used up all at once, with only a thoroughly buried Prince Solaris to show for it.
Huff
I'm still a little salty over it, if you couldn't tell.
“H-hey! Wait a minute!” Rainbow shouts back, defensively getting closer to my own face. “You laughed when BB and I pulled that prank off on you!" he points out while leaning further, giving me an intense stink eye. "We even asked if you were fine and you said yes!”
"..."
With arms crossed, and lips pouted...
... I turn away from the sight of his upset glaring.
“Okay, it was funny...” I admit, shrinking a little bit under his gaze.
It's true that I've been meaning to enact some petty revenge upon Prince Solaris for some time now, with the goal being to pay him back for all his years of trolling... but I quickly discovered that doing it this way just wasn't worth it.
It wasn't worth it, because...
“... It stopped being funny when Dusk made me pay out of pocket for it!” I bark as I whip hate-filled eyes back on the trickster's floating form.
R.I.P., my little bit hoard.
May we meet again in the next life.
Dash gasps, now shocked by the revelation of the tragedy his actions had indirectly caused. “Dude did what?!” he balks at the thought as his wings stall for a stunned moment.
Nodding my head once, I detail plainly how “Oh yeah, he did. Dusk made me cough up my allowance for,” I add air quotes to this next part. “The undue stress such a thing caused Prince Solaris. Shame on you.” End air quote.
And, in addition, please allow me to add this... Phooey.
Just... phooey!
The outcome of that ridiculous prank still makes me mad just thinking about it! I mean, isn’t that the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard, folks?! A whole month’s allowance... gone! How the hell am I going to afford Haw Riming’s next book now?! I can't not read it; the last one ended on a cliffhanger for goodness sake! A cliffhanger!!
Will Mystic Diamond stay loyal to her foalhood coltfriend forever, or will Lunar Flower finally confess her feelings and snatch her away?! Will Bright Heart ever rekindle with his father... and what the hell did the dice role end up amounting to in chapter thirteen?! The author ignored it for, like, eight flipping chapters before deciding to have the gull to not tell us! Who the hell does that?! I may be a simple, average, forty seven year old woman trapped in the body of a tiny baby dragon, and I may be a very patient lady when you get right down to it...
... but I need to know these answers and I need to know them NOW damn it!!
Now looking properly guilty for his immature crimes against my person, Rainbow Dash lands and takes an uneven step away from me.
“O-oh,” he stutters as his head and ears droop with the weight of his sins. “BB and I didn’t mean to get you in trouble with the Prince or anything, Barb. I'm... I-I'm so sorry.”
I hiss and snarl at the boy for a solid chunk of time…
… before at last dropping my facade and laughing the whole thing off, just as I had intended to do from the start.
Snort
Ain't I a stinker?
“Gotcha!” I snicker victoriously as RD slowly becomes aware that he had just been counter-pranked. It’s now his turn to look all pouty and upset in return... but it doesn’t take long before he’s laughing right alongside me.
“Snik. Good one, Barb!” Dash concedes happily, having thankfully not taken my joke too personally. “You really had me going there for a second!”
“Haha, yeah," I reply humbly, glad with how everything turned out. "I’m real proud of that one..."
...
... In-between one blink and another, my gaze swiftly returns to it's earlier serious expression.
“Dusk really did make me pay though, Dash," I reveal pointedly with narrowed eyes. "Please keep that in mind for the next time you want to prank me, okay?”
Outside of a tiny gulp, this clams RD right the heck back up.
...
... Sigh
In an attempt to banish Rainbow's new bout of depression away, I wave one of my claws lightheartedly as I share my real thoughts with him. “Ehh, don’t worry about it. Dusk was just overreacting like he does, that’s all. Nothing you have to worry about.”
I'm speaking honestly when I say this, it really isn't Rainbow Dash or Bubble Berry who I’m truly upset with right now. I mean... Dusk was the one who punished me, not them! He's the one I'm upset with! He's the one who didn't hear my side of the story before yanking my bits!
Look, I understand that the seals still needed to be replaced, and that someone had to pay for them, but the injustice of it all is still bugging me. And after I had come to such a massive epiphany about our relationship too... Thirdly do I now say phooey. I certainly didn't make mistakes like that back during my days as a mother! I never punished my children unfairly without due process...
... I think...
“... Between you and me, Dash,” I continue on, returning my mind to the conversation. I don't want to think about my own potential sins, and I don't want Rainbow to feel guilty over his mistake anymore either, so I'm going to instead focus my energy on cheering him up. Maybe a fun fact will do it. "Prince Solaris is a bit of a prankster himself!" Hot gossip fixes everything. "He probably enjoyed the gag just as much as you two did!”
“Oh wow... really?” Dash gasps in disbelief, now no longer looking upset as was my goal. Mission accomplished. “That's really awesome! I've heard rumors about that being true, but I never thought they were legit.”
Now intently interested, Rainbow Dash leans in closer to me.
“Okay, you have got to spill the beans, filly!" he pries eagerly. "Come on! What's he into? Rubber chickens? Squirting flowers? Did... did he invent the whoopie cushion?? I gotta know!”
Um... Uh oh.
Looks like my plan to cheer him up worked a little too well.
“Well… no," I report cautiously, coughing into a fist to hide my discomfort, "P-prince Solaris is more into... Psychological stuff... B-but that’s not why you’re here!” I deflect as bluntly as dragonly possible. “You wanted to know... er... What were you asking me again, Dash?” Ha! Like I need him to repeat his ridiculous request!
Returning to the topic at hoof will be an excellent distraction though.
Fluttering his eyelashes, processing my words, it doesn’t take long for Rainbow to recall his original reason for seeking me out today. “Oh, right,” he stammers shyly. Apparently he needs a moment to regain his earlier confidence. “W-well, Barb, I… I-I need you to help me become a lady!”
...
...
… Huh... Second time I’ve heard him say those words... and yet they're still not registering. My brain is shooting error messages in every language it knows, and some that it doesn't.
“A… lady?” I repeat, trying desperately to comprehend what Rainbow Dash is asking of me.
“Yeah,” Dash answers quickly, no longer hesitating.
“Like," I decide to reword my question, tackling it from a different angle. "a refined, elegantly dressed, well mannered older mare lady?”
Rainbow parrots himself instantly. “Yeah.”
I stare the colt right in his unwavering, cerise colored eyes.
“... You want me,” I emphasize a little more forcefully with a pointed claw. “to help you to find a pretty dress, teach you how to prance in it correctly, show you how to present yourself to boys, and transform you, in essence, into a girl?”
There isn't a single hint of his earlier shyness as Rainbow Dash powerfully declares “Yes” for me with the same reverence one might use to finish a wedding vow.
"..."
"..."
“... And," I try one last calculated strike to get to the root of all this. "I’m the only one who can help you? There's really nopony else?”
“Y…” Rainbow’s ‘mask’ at last cracks slightly. “Y-yes…”
I silently push against this fracture with a flat stare. “...”
“...”
“...”
“... Elusive was too busy to let me ask him instead," he finally relents. "Okay?!”
... Oh.
Of course.
Now this makes way more sense to me.
“I see,” I nod soberly in complete understanding. Eeyup; crystal clear understanding.
“You were a close second though!” RD backpedals so hard he practically trips over himself. “Like, super close! Honest!”
“Right right,” I feign acceptance, letting the poor guy off the hook… though, now that I'm thinking those words...
... I’m confused as to whether I should even refer to Rainbow Dash as a guy anymore! What is he, and what's going on?! I don’t understand any of thi-
Well, no, scratch that. There's one part of this I do understand and it's why I was Dash's second choice for such a request. Part of my training with the Bluebelles involved etiquette lessons, you see; table manners, speech patterns, boot licking, etc. I’m certain that the boys must have asked Dusk about my past at some point, so I’m not all that surprised that Rainbow is aware of the skills I possess. While it's true that I've not displayed said skills to my friends yet, and while it's also true that I'm slowly trying to un-brainwash myself of their influence; that's not what's important.
Right now what's important is understanding where Dash's cry for help is coming from.
“Rainbow Dash, what's this about?” I cut to the chase as my voice fills with concern. Slowly I approach his side and lay a single claw against his barrel. If this is about what I think it's about, then I'm going to have to breach this subject as delicately as I can muster. “Do you..." I start off as if I'm walking on broken glass.
Clearing my throat, and summoning up all the tact available to me, I offer Dash my claw in support as I ask my question in earnest.
"Do you... not want to be a stallion anymore, Rainbow Dash? Is that what you're telling me?”
"Huh?" is Rainbow's only response. With head tilted, he's clearly not getting what I'm hinting at.
Okay... let's try this again. "Would you be happier being called ma'am, Dash?" I push forward, trying to encourage him/her to open up to me.
"Maybe," Dash shrugs back with cerulean wings. "Everypony already makes that mistake with me, so I've become cool with whatever."
"... Oh," I pause before I reply. I'm not sure how to process that remark... Maybe third time will be the charm? "Let's try this a different way; if I were to write a book about you-"
"That would be awesome."
"Dash, focus... If I were to write a book about you, would you be okay with me using she and her to describe you in it?"
"Hmmm... Yeah, you can," Rainbow grants me a little head shake for 'yes' along with this answer. Great! Progress! Now let's dig deepe- "That wouldn't be a hundred percent right though..." he interrupts before my thoughts have the opportunity to properly form.
My eye begins to twitch.
"... Wouldn't really be wrong either, I guess," he, she... they go on. "Heh. You know what they say; sometimes you have to call a duck a duck."
"THAT DOESN'T HELP ME ONE SINGLE BI-!" I start to roar before taking a nice deep breath and a single step back. "... Okay. Okay okay okay. One more try..." I'm going to have to dig deep into my imagination for this last one. "... In five years from now," I start, painting the scene. "if you found yourself desperately needing to use the 'facilities' one day... do you see yourself using the little colt's room, or the little filly's room instead?"
"... Weird question... but whateve'. Let's see... I think..."
I lean in closer.
"... whichever one has the shortest line would work best for me."
I fall flat on my face.
"Ooph!" Rainbow verbally winces at my pain, unaware that most of it is currently mental. "You okay there, Bar-"
"This is fine," I cut the words off with a raised claw. "This is fine fine fine... Hehe... I-I shouldn't have been beating around the bush like that. My bad."
Upon a second nice, deep, and loooooonnnng breath to calm my frustrated shaking, having had enough of this, I spit out what I was so delicately trying to ask.
Subtlety be damned, sometimes you have to rip a bandage off with the fury of a spiteful god and live with the consequences.
"Rainbow Dash are you asking me to help you become a mare yes or no I'll accept you either way just tell me already gosh!"
In the following silence from my outburst, I can practically hear it as the gears in the pony's head slowly start to turn.
How I'm able to hear such a thing over my own efforts to grind my teeth into a fine powder I'm unsure.
"... Oh!" Rainbow Dash at last realizes what I've been trying to flipping figure out. "Oh, hehe," they then chuckle over my frustration, which I do not appreciate thank you very much.
Is it too late to take back that earlier forgiveness I gave them?
"No... No, that's not it at all, Barb,” the no longer questionable guy finally rewards me with the truth. It's certainly not the one I was expecting though. "That’s got nothing to do with this, filly! I’m totally a stallion through and through!” The macho 'dude' then strengthens his argument with the deliberate stretching of his freshly preened wings, the flexing of his slender arms, and the cracking of his well braided tail.
Ah yes. Petite and pretty.
The very image of masculine excellency, of course.
“I... see,” I reluctantly relent, allowing all of my transitional theories to fall by the wayside. “But, if you're a stallion through and through, then why do you want to become a lady all of a sudden? Why not a gentlecolt?
"And, more importantly... what the hay is this even about, Dash?!”
Displaying a smidgen of embarrassment, perhaps now realizing the confusion he's caused me, Rainbow rubs one of his hooves behind his head. “Well, thing is... I suppose I could be a gentlecolt if I wanted,” is his first response, which doesn't clear anything up for me in the slightest. “My old man taught me how to be one, and told me how a colt is supposed to treat a filly... but that doesn’t mean I have to be one all the time! Why be somepony I'm not?"
My level of understanding is now at a complete zero, and threatening to enter the negative numbers any second.
"Being a gentlecolt doesn't work for me most the time, and I can't be one for what I've got planned for tomorrow," Dash goes on, barely giving me the time to grasp his words. "I need to be a real lady if it's going to work! Something's coming up that's... important to me... super important... super mega important even!”
Okay! That's a detail I can finally wrap my head around! 'Something' is apparently coming up.
Now... what could that possibly be?
Well I don’t remember there being any holidays coming soon for one thing, and I don’t think that there’s any birthdays or other events either outside of demi-winter... so... maybe this 'something' is actually from the show? Let's think; BB and RD played a trick on me earlier this week, which I only recognized afterwards as a prank that happened in an episode of My Little Pony... What was that one about again...? Hmmm. I... I think it was about Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash becoming closer friends until somepony got in between the two of them, which caused Pinkie to become jealous…
... !!
Wait, no… not somepony!
Somegriffon got in the way!
I remember this now!
“Here's the deal,” Rainbow continues as I silently come to this realization. “I got this letter from an old friend of mine. He's going to be showing up tomorrow to come hang out with me.”
Aha! I was right! Rainbow Dash wants to make himself into a lady for the guy version of… Gilda, I think her name was…
...
… Wait why the heck does he want to become a lady for him?? Ugh! I’m starting to understand this less and less the more I try to remember how things went originally!
I might as well shut up and let RD explain already.
Thankfully he's doing just that, all while casually flittering himself through the air. “Guilder and I went to the same flight camp together,” Guilder must be guy Gilda’s name in this world. “We were all in the same class as Butters, and the three of us used to hang out all the time back when we lived in Cloudsdale…
"... Well Guilder and I hung out together, at least," Dash stops to point out. "We usually had to drag Butters along with us until he got waaaay too big to carry. Guilder grew a pretty big bod himself around the time the three of us graduated, and that helped him build a ton of confidence in himself, but I ended up staying all small and cute and stuff... Snort. Can't really say I hated that though! It actually made my life easier, 'cause it gave me a bigger target on my flank then what I had before, hehe.”
Tilting my head in regards to this odd claim, I raise an eyebrow and quietly plead for the speaker to explain this part better.
Perhaps not expecting that I was going to be interested in details, Rainbow's cheeks lightly flush in color as he pushes himself forward. “Y-you might not believe me when I tell you this, Barb," he mutters. "but I was a, well...
"... stupid foal.
"Like… real stupid.
"I was voted most likely to drop out for buck's sake!" Dash curses, uncaring for my 'innocent' ears. He's now practically ranting, having forgotten the main topic. "That wasn't even a category on the voting list! The other foals made it up just for me, and the coaches didn't do anything about it... But I don't think I can blame them! I fritzed so many of those dumb written tests..."
“Dash, no,” I immediately interject, trying to put a stop to this toxic flashback before it's claws could sink in fully.
Guess the lifetime effects of bullying are the same regardless of dimension.
“You weren't stupid!" I next insist, speaking from the heart. "You just didn't know what you know now yet, that's all! Foals aren't supposed to be know-it-all's! If they were, then what's the point in growing up...
"... w-which are totally words of wisdom Prince Solaris taught me once!" I hastily tack on to the end of my little motivational speech. "Yup, just him and him alone! No original and or personal thoughts to be found here, haha!" Making Rainbow Dash think I'm some kind of know-it-all myself would highly compromise the integrity of the message, I feel...
... Also revealing my secret wouldn't be cool either... but mostly the message.
“Hehe... Thanks, Barb..." A warm smile is my instant reward for my words as the once upset pony starts to settle down.
Nice. Nailed it.
"... I'm still totally a dumbflank though."
Ah! Not nailed! Repeat; I have not nailed it!
"No you're not!" I make to argue, not allowing this self-depreciation-athon to go on.
That's my unhealthy shtick, thank you very much!
"Heh, nah," Dash brushes off my attempts to comfort him, though his face tells me that he appreciated the gesture. "I eventually figured out that there's some things you're just not made to handle, filly, and that's okay. I mean, it's not like I suddenly became an egghead or anything just cause I grew up! Experience only gets you so far...
"... but you'll understand when I mean when you're a little older."
I'm not going to dignify that remark with a response.
"The only reason I passed school at all is because I slowed down and accepted that I learn stuff differently than other ponies do," Dash explains, and again I'm taken aback by his maturity. Not even Dusk is this pragmatic about himself and he's an introvert. "Ponies have their own pace and I have mine; slow and steady where it needs to be, and lightning fast where it matters!" I'm starting to notice that his words are flowing much better now than they did before.
It's as if talking about his past with me, and sorting it out for himself, is lifting some sort of weight from off of his chest. Whether this was his intention all along, or instead a happy little mid-conversation discovery, I'm unsure.
"Don't get me wrong; I’m not, like, mad over who I used to be or anything," Rainbow pushes on proudly, now metaphorically flying high on top of his actual flying. "I may have hated reading before I gave it a shot, and I may have made dumb choices all the time, but those mistakes were what made me into the jaw-droppingly awesome guy that I am right now!” Oh, that's comforting to see. Male Rainbow is just as confident in himself as the female one was.
Flop
He's also just as thoughtless too sometimes. He better remake that bed he just belly-flopped himself on to, or so help me Solaris I'll...
... probably do nothing except angrily make it all over again.
"Anyways," Dash continues, unaware of the minor inconvenience he had inflicted upon me. “one of the dumb mistakes I made when I was a foal helped me realize something major about myself! You see, Barb I… well… I... I-I…"
Rainbow takes a deep breath and steels himself.
“I…" he restarts, drawing on all of his inner strength. "I-I like..."
He takes a second breath...
... and at last spits out his closest held 'secret'.
"I-I like doing girly things!”
Le gasp~
Setting my earlier grievances aside, I feign absolute shock as Rainbow Dash's innermost private thoughts come pouring out of his lips. “I like wearing ribbons and dresses and putting on makeup and... a-and looking cute!” the femboy bares his soul to me, which is kind of touching in a way. “When I put on my frills it's like I'm showing everypony how I feel about myself, and that helps keep my thoughts together!
"Whenever I'm all jumbled in my head, and I'm not sure I can do something right, one look in a mirror is all I need to do to remind myself of who I am; to remind me that I am awesome.
"That I am graceful.
"And that I am beautiful, filly!"
To accentuate this sense of liberation, Rainbow thankfully lifts himself off of Dusk's bed and back into the air.
"When I'm flying on by and showing off," the speedster circles overhead. "I'm not hiding the stuff I love, or being scared because I'm acting 'wrong'... and I'm definitely not pretending that I'm somepony I'm not! Hay no! Whenever I'm wearing how I feel, everything starts 'clicking' way better for me upstairs.
"Books hold my attention longer," he lists casually in his flight position. "the sky and the way the air flows are all easier to read, and it feels like nothing is holding me back anymore, right? Not the drag or gravity or even my own doubts, I'm just...
"...free...
"... Nothing can stop me from flying fast, doing crazy tricks, rockin' stylish skirts, or standing up to the mean ponies calling me Rainbow Fritz or Rainbow Lass because I know in my head that I’m, like, being braver than they’ll ever be in their entire lives! I... well... in...”
With a flip to right himself, and a quick rough landing, Rainbow shuts his vision and turns his hoof upward as if to hold a cup. The sight greatly confuses me at first, but it doesn't take long before he finds whatever it was he was searching for from within his memories.
“... In facing my fears I have conquered myself, the greatest foe of all," he starts to quote, catching me by surprise. "From this day forth I'll be a changed pony, one greater than the one I was before, because all future struggles will be mere trifles in comparison…”
He then reopens his eyes and smirks.
“Hehe, I read that in the first book I ever gave a shot to try," his smirk grows cockily. "It was some fluffy 'Mare Power' thing my mom gave me, but it’s still totally true stuff, am I right?”
...
...
... This is making all of the sense... and none of the sense, all at the same time.