For anyone who finally could see and read this journal, I wrote during all my journey on this hell all my regrets and vents about my adventures.
I Celestia the sun queen, the goddess of the sun, the sun bringer, the sunshine destroyer, the queen of Astora, and all the names I received during all these days... I would give it up, just to bring back my companions back.
(Tears around the page.)
I name all the mistakes I did around my living in this hell. And I couldn't take another month at this place.
My first regret was not to give my first helper Oscar of Astora a proper death while I was at undead asylum, he was the one who gave me the key to free myself and even give me his skill of Stus Flask, oh by Faust he was my savior of many times, and I didn't have my magic to make miracles to cure him or even find a way to recover him from his almost death, but he warned me he was going to become a hollow, I should have made him sleep on his death and kill his version of hollow after he slept. That would make him feel in peace knowing he was going to die as a human than a monster... See him as hollow hurt my heart so much, I cried after he dies by my hands.
My first mistake was to trust someone I saved in the indeed Church named Lautrec. I thought he would help me to understand that crazy world where I started to learn it. He sounds nicely first, but I just needed to pass to find a bonfire to help me to recover my energy and save me after I died. I just went to touch another bell, and the minute I came back, he killed the guardian of the bonfire and extinguish the fire who protected me. I died 10 times after that. I wanted to make him give me the bonfire back.
And after all the things I have to pass, he gives me a challenge just for the purpose of his love of the goddess of love. HOW THE HELL THE GODDESS OF LOVE SHOULD ACT LIKE THAT? I need to remind my niece if she does something like that, I would punish her in kind.
Anyway, I didn't want to kill him, but it had to be done. I took the spirit of the bonfire back and with that his ring who became really helpful to me.
My next mistake and biggest regret. (Tears around the page.) Solaire... Ryujin I'm so sorry. It was just in a second and then that happened. I never felt so much devasted, destroyed. It was like my own life was ruined by a SINGLE MIDGET MISERABLE PARASITE. GODDAMMIT! AAHHHH, I couldn't protect him.
For people who don't know about him, I never wanted anypony so much to be my own Royal Guard than Solaire of Astora, he was charismatic, positive, the light of this cursed world as hell. He was the hope I had to make this place a better place. And my little mistake of not telling him I was the princess of the sun and give points about the sun he was looking for all this time made my heartbreak after look at him controlled by a hollow, which I had to fight him to free him. But in the end, he was killed by me and the parasite on his head. I cursed myself, my own existence and my own nature to be soo selfish and proud and not even willing to help him in this world.
After his death, my hope on this world died as well, but on the other side I never felt so much rage and strength after all that had happened, it seems something much power than the sun itself was inside of me, like two forces I didn't know about it. One soo much bright, and other soo much dark. I know it was related to the sun, but I don't have words to describe it, but the death of Solaire, clicked something inside me and now I want to destroy all the hollows of this world. That's I swear.
Big hat logan was a little of mistake of mine to not give the advice my own son gave to me, Big Hat Logan was a good friend and a great teacher, I learned the basics of the magic of this world thanks to him, but his curiosity about wanting to know about the secrets of the library, reminded Twilight wanting the access of the internet of Ryujin, while the consequences of her acts make her watch a video she regretted so much, my friend became lunatic after reading so many books which it could be treated as forbidden information over the Library. If I had warned him to just take one book by the year or help him to deal with his own studies, I know I could have avoided the end for him.
Patches the Hyena, I don't regret or isn't something treated as a mistake to me, first I thought he was a huge buckhole, but then I discovered it was my own fault, I was too greedy to find something to increase my powers to cross this hell, and he taught me, people who use greed to their own good should fall in traps and dies by their own greedy. I hated to know that first, but after knowing all this hell, I think he does that to teach everyone a huge lesson, especially the Clerics...
That fucking bastard, I know why Patches hates them so much, and I hates them soo much as well, they did so many wrong things, especially that fucking paladin which I forgot the name, because after seeing him again after that tragedy with that noble girl, I killed him cold-blooded and burned his face off. I regret to not help or save that girl, she was scouted by 2 clerics and I think Patches cheated them but sadly she wasn't a Cleric but her guards were, meaning she died on that trap.
Tarkus was a courageous companion and I will never forget what he did for me, the curse of the undead making all of them hollow, made me cry because it's so sad to see all my friends with the time suffering and losing their memory and in the end, they have the same end. He gave his life killing the monsters and falling from the path. His death made me continue my own journey, but I couldn't take another friend getting lost anymore.
This leads to at least the right decision I did, but I suffered so much because of that. Siegmeyer of Catarina.
My mistake, the ONLY MISTAKE and my biggest regret were to not share better weapons to him or make him even more powerful than he was. Siegmeyer was a great companion, however, he was an average warrior, but his noble spirit is something I really valued most, however, every time I helped him, he seemed to has disappointed of himself, and for the last try of to show his noble spirit and goal he begged me to let him help me while I was hurt and without stus flask, he said he was going to lure the monster while I ran away. I still hear his most iconic voice and battle scream... He gave his life to make me get out of there alive. I had an idea if I helped him, he was going to lose his meaning and would become hollow.
(Tears) I wished to talk to him so much.
And now from the adventure, I was still following I had to follow the instructions of a talking cat named Alvina, she seems a great leader of the dark forest, and while she seems cruel, she is fair, she wants everything done to protect the forest. And while I was helping it I found another reason I write this. Sif the wolf. He was so adorable and fragile when he was a little wolf, scared of everything. I never felt so proud after look at him so big again, which leads to another battle. That's why Ryujin said to have an animal talking spell.
I asked Sif the reason he was doing that, and he said he was waiting for me to appear, and it was to prove to him if I can handle the worst part of the hell named Abysm and if I was strong enough to take care of myself and for the most important reason, to stay with his best friend Artorias again...
Artorias, every time I say his name I show huge respect and admiration, I can imagine he was the only knight Ryujin would be cautious to fight him, because I with all my items and all my best skills, died to him at least 30 times. He was indeed really strong, and he was just using one hand. I couldn't count how many times I would die if he was using both hands. And the title the Abysm walker, he was so epic. If I had just one royal guard with his level of power, I wouldn't need the other guards to protect me.
It was sad to finish off my little puppy friend, but this time I prayed for him stay with his best friend forever, while that sounds naive, I wish the total happiness for all my friends and companions from this own hell.
I have many kinds of scars, physical, and emotional after all this journey, I fought the strongest knights, warriors, undead and hollows and all kinds of monsters and demons I wouldn't dream about it. I fought a noble knight which I title would make my own children fear him because he kills dragons, and I watched a blind archer kill a dragon in my front, they are all the greatest of the knights the king and a queen would dream of. But their king, their god... I HATE HIM SO MUCH.
LORD GUEEN GWYN.. THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!
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I walked after the grey mist, knowing it was almost the end of the journey to me and I found him, the reason for all these problems started.
I took my electrical sword and went directly to him, and he jumped in my direction like he was a puppet following the strings.
I rolled to front, while his flame sword passed almost my head, I took the opportunity to swing my sword on his back, while I stand up and gave a backstab with my sword after the swing attack.
He was on the floor, and at the moment he was ready to get up, he saw my hand was on his face and my eyes were in the fire.
"I waited months to say that too you. This is for all my friends who died by this stupid curse you created." I don't know what I named that, but it seems that was the power inside myself waiting during centuries of anger and sorrow to let it go. "Supernova."
My hand exploded as the huge fireblast in the wide range expanded soo much, it was large as Canterlot or even larger than Equestria itself. I just know, after that attack I was breathing a lot, like all my anger, all my sadness, and my own magic, created something so powerful, so frightening. It was the result of this training. I know I could use my own swordsmanship to defeat Lord Gwyn again, but I needed to let it out all my anger. But after that. I have to say, killing him was pleasuring, he was the one who started that, he deserved to receive that.
I walked in the direction where is my last bonfire, and I just touched that, knowing even if I sacrificed myself, others will pass the same curse after me, and all this journey was pointless, this was hell, and there was nothing worse than that. After accepting that, I exploded as my fire let it out around the place.
And the next thing I see, it was Luna who was smiling at me. After soo much time without talking to her, after soo much without seeing her, I didn't know why, I was angry first, but I hugged her soo hard and cried so much.
"It's okay, sister, let it out, you passed." She said while I cried more. "I know you suffered so much, but you are stronger now."
"But with what price?" I said still crying. "I lost so many good companions, they were so good for me, I meet so many great warriors and all of them died, there was no such happy ending over there, it was just..."
"Hell? Yeah, sadly but true, many good people over there cannot be saved. But I have a reward for you my sister... All the weapons you collected you can use it here." She smiled at me while I still have tears in my face. "But why that sad look my dear sister, don't you want to be stronger?"
"I want to take them out," I said.
She blinked and looked at me in confusion.
"What do you mean?" She asked, while I took all my determination and decided to make maybe the best idea I have or my other biggest mistake.
"What do you want from me to take them and bring them to here?" I said knowing all my decisions about my immortality is here. But I don't care.
"Are you out of mind? To bring souls from other dimmension it would need to make them deposit their souls to vessels, and bodies aren't something you can create Celestia." Luna said while after hearing that, my smile became wide, while she was looking at me like I was having a crazy idea. "What are you thinking?"
"Vessel? Okay, I will take all the weapons I have now and I will convince them to deposit part of their soul inside of the weapon."
"ARE YOU CRAZY? After all that. You want to go back to hell again?" I don't know why, but for the first time during months, after the death of Solaire, I gave the same naive smile I did before over the hell.
"Yeah, this time I want the master key, I have a feeling I know where all the good weapons are, so I know a way to be stronger fast and with this, I will help everyone. I have hope not just for me, but for my new Royal Guards. When I come back Luna, this time I will be even stronger." I said getting ready while I took one of the swords I have. "Hey Luna before I go, what is supernova?"
Luna was so confused like she doesn't process the information's over her head, but then she just said quietly.
"It's the explosion of a massive star like the sun which was too light for the gravity and with that lightweight it became a powerful explosion around the planets and stars around it. But why?" She asked.
Oh, that was the reason, neat.
"Nothing important," I said then I stabbed my own stomach with it, it hurt like hell, making Luna gasp in surprise and then use her magic on her horn. "Bye, Luna."
"Celestia you're crazy." She screamed while I closed my eyes, I know she was quick, and that was my revenge for her stabbing me, I have to make her feel scared a bit, I know I'm immortal, but I know the weapons I have could kill immortals, so using that as baile it would be a huge risk, but I don't care. I came to hell again for one reason.
I WILL SAVE THEM ALL.
My new royal guards or my new weaponry, I will bring you all with me, and this time the curse of the undead will not affect you anymore. I swear by my own name.