//------------------------------// // 1 - No True Unicorn... // Story: Horse Drawn Omnibus // by Hazel Mee //------------------------------// No True Unicorn… "Pappy! Pappy!", a young filly gasped as she galloped as fast as her stubby little legs could carry her over crests of fresh-turned earth. Red Russet looked up from inspecting a new dent on his plough's rusty coulter blade. "Whut-" was as far as he got before his youngest tripped on a clod and tumbled poll over fetlocks to land at his dirty, pitted hooves. His annoyance with the rocky soil's a-beating on his farming implement vapourised into a sympathetic guffaw. He leant down to nuzzle the panting foal back upright. "Whut're y'all doin' gallopin' o'er the furrows, Bloom?" Tater Bloom shook like a dog, sending up a flurry of red soil. Her little barrel pumped like a bellows as she said, "Sh-she's gonna h-hurt hersel' 'gain!" There was no need to ask who Bloom was fretting about. Russet's lips sank into a familiar, sour frown and he nudged his daughter toward the distant farmhouse. "Go'n fetch one of yer Ma's, an' be real quick now!" Bloom wobbled on her hooves for a moment and scampered off down the furrow. "Tell her t'fetch a bucket o' water an' cloths!" he called after her, before turning to gallop the way she'd come from. His thundering old heart near stopped in his ruddy-furred chest as he crested a slope and, sure enough, there was his other daughter, of a sort, lying belly-up in the dirt! Again! "G'wan! Git!" he shouted at the gawp-faced colts and fillies gathered round, though he barely paid any mind as they scattered, shrieking and laughing. He scooped up the prostrate filly between his fore hooves and turned her left and right, inspecting her for any buck marks or bites as her limp limbs flopped about. She was such a skinny, leggy thing. Easy pickings for the school's bullies, and that sharp tongue on her didn't help none. She surely was an expert at talking her way into a scrap. But, no, her buttermilk hide was just a little dirty, though she was cross-eyed like somepony had bucked her upside the head. "Ah done did it!" she crowed with a wobbly grin too wide for her slim muzzle. Was that smoke rising from her horn?! "Done whu…" Russet glanced in the direction she was pointing with a tremourous hoof and he suddenly realised something was missing. Something big! A wide damp pit was all that remained, with fresh furrows he'd turned this morn curling around it. No, there it was! A huge, thought-to-be-unmovable boulder lay a few yards off, on the other side of the sun-bleached, rough-sawn fence between their tater field and the neighbour's rock farm beside. "It's ours now!" crowed a slate grey filly, who'd clambered on top of the mini-mountain. Russet reckoned that if she'd had a flag, she'd be planting it. He laughed and called to her, "Y'all can keep it, Meadow Pie!" "Ah did it. Ah really, truly did it", Russet's daughter muttered breathlessly, with her eyes wide in utter astonishment. Heart swelling with pride, Russet set her down and lightly poked her skinny flank with a hoof tip. "Ain't all you done did, look'ee here!" Holder's joyful shrieks on spying her new-minted cutie mark darn near burst her Pappy's ears. Less than a fortnight since Minos declared war and Equestria's combined army had almost tripled in size! Sir Brilliant Barding's lips curled in a smug smile as he stood waiting to process the next batch of recruits. An old war horse, he'd been out of retirement and back in armour before anypony even thought to ask. Sadly, he wasn't fighting fit any longer, but his experience was invaluable for sorting out the new meat… for example, he could tell draftee from volunteer with just a glance of his piercing grey eyes. Volunteers had their heads up, eyes open, ears perked, eagerly drinking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the encampment. Especially the sparring rings. That, and volunteers did not have horns. What few unicorns Sir Barding had inducted were reluctant and surly. Rousted from dusty libraries and forced to trade fancy lace for a rough-spun haburks. Angry and listless after marching for days with nothing but gritty trail rations and ditch water instead of cake and tea. Bunch of lily-livered, nearsighted, spineless cowards that Barding wouldn't trust to polish his armour. Not like the fine, stout, young earth ponies being marched through the palisade gate. Certs, they weren't marching in time, and their unshorn manes and dirty fetlocks marked them as farmers, one and all, but they were keen! They would be forged into a mighty hoof to crush those filthy minotaur! A sergeant trotting beside the column bellowed 'halt' and, eventually, the ragtag formation of stopped moving… or at least stopped walking. Barding snorted and waved for the first recruit to be brought forward as Candy Gloss, his aide-de-camp and scribe, finished sharpening a quill. It would be "infantry, infantry, infantry" for this lot of stout farm ponies from the East Shires. A baker's dozen of recruits later and a skinny slip-of-a-mare stood proudly before him with her narrow shoulders squared and a determined glint in her eye. She had pale yellow fur somewhere beneath the road's grey dirt, and her dark blue mane was braided into tight coils — a common fashion for unwed mares in the Shires — which exposed a graceful spiral horn on her forehead. "A unicorn?" he exclaimed in astonishment. "A unicorn?!" she cried and glanced around with wide eyes. "Oh mah gosh, where?! Where?" Sir Barding's face collapsed, brows furrowed and muzzle wrinkled, as though he'd smelled something foul. What was a book-nuzzler doing playing at clod hopper? Could she possibly be that ignorant about herself… and the proper way to address an officer? With her superior struck silent, Gloss tittered and whispered to the mare, "I think he means you, hon." "Me? Why ah…" She groped around her horned forehead with a hoof and yelped, "Good golly! Ah is a unicorn, ain't ah?" She beamed gratefully at Sir Barding. "Ah been fearsome confused 'bout why folks been staring at mah head like ah got somethin' grow'n outta it. Turns out, ah do! Thank y'kindly." Sir Barding narrowed his eyes and grumbled, "Sir." "Whut?" "'Thank you, Sir'", Gloss chimed in again with a quaver of suppressed laughter. "Oh! Raight… where's mah manners at? Thank you, Sir… yer Honour, Sir." Sir Barding sighed, grateful he could pass this annoying bit. "Private Gloss. Escort…" He waved a hoof in the daft mare's direction. "Oh! Y'all kin call me Holder." She nuzzled open her left saddle bag's flap, pulled out an official scroll of enrolment, and gave it to Candy Gloss. "Escort Miss Holder to Journeymage Effulgent Glow. I believe she's dealing with our unicorn recruits in the North Bailey today." He sniffed and turned away, dismissing Holder completely from his mind and called for another earth pony recruit to be brought forward. As they trotted out of hearing range, Gloss quietly said, "You did not make a friend there, Miss Holder." Holder grumbled, "Well, ah ain't lookin' to be friendly with somepony so ignerant and sour-faced. Why'd he hav'ta make a big deal outta…?" She nodded her head and blue fire coursed from the base of her horn to its pointed tip. "He was expecting an earth pony." Holder snorted. "Story o' mah life." They trotted through a stone gateway that was as big as a barn inside, with massive oak-and-iron doors, and a dozen guards patrolling the crenellated wall. More unicorns than Holder had ever seen before marched or shot bolts of magic at scorched targets painted on the thick, stone wall that encircled the yard. Private Gloss left Holder with a near-white unicorn mare dressed in a flowing dark blue robe and a lighter, more fanciful version, of the armour and helmet that earth ponies wore. She reminded Holder a little of the school marm who'd come around once a week to try and teach how to read and do sums. Even had the same grape-y colour fur. "So, you've never learned to use a simple, raw thaumic blast?" asked Journeymage Effulgent Glow as she scanned the enrolment scroll that'd accompanied Holder since she'd signed on. "I should think it would be useful for, say, driving vermin away from your crops and such." "Nope. Ain't got nopony in mah neck of the woods what teached such fancy stuff. Hay, the only unicorn ah seen 'for today was a travellin' tinker. He'd roll up, Spring and Fall, with a waggon o' tools to fix pots n' pans, and he put on puppet shows fer the foals." As she spoke, Holder scooped a small stone from the ground. "So, ah just huck gravel at varmints like anypony else." She squinted one eye and flung the pebble at a passing crow. It whipped past the bird's beak and sent it squawking for shelter behind a tree. "Mmhmm…" Effulgent hummed in an indulgent 'my, how interesting' way while scribbling a note upon the scroll suspended in her magic. "I imagine there's also little call for shield spells while working a farm?" "You reckon rightly." Holder sniffed and remembered to add, "Ma'am." Effulgent sighed. "Well, what can you do then?" "Mostly ah lift things, see?" Holder gestured to her cutie mark of a roundish grey boulder with a pair of white wings spread as if it were taking flight. "Stackin' hay, pullin' stumps, raisin' barns, diggin' cesspits-" "Eugh! With a shovel, I should hope." "Why muck up a per-feck-ly good shovel when ah can jus' scoop it right out?" Effulgent shuddered as her hide crawled. "But we feel that which we touch with our magic!" "So? Ain't no worse'n what it feels like to harvest bog rushes, or reach into a heifer with a turned calf. Hay, 'least ah could stand upwind and not get a spot on me! Mah auntie used to dig 'em by hoof and spend ages soapin' and warshin' 'fore we'd let her come inside. An' even then she'd stink to high stars fer days!" She hawked and spat. "Payed pretty dern well to boot. Lotsa ponies'll do jus' 'bout anythin' t'get someponyelse to shift their manure." Effulgent grimaced and, eager to move on to something less nauseating, she gestured across the bailey yard to where several sizes of dense boulder lay scattered about: standardised weights for trainees to carry from place to place, with muscles or magic, in order to develop their strength. "Fine. Show me what you can do, please. Lift the biggest stone you can manage." Holder squinted, hummed, and asked, "The biggest one? Are y'sure?" "Yes." "Y'sure, yer sure?" "Yes, get on with it!" "Well a'right!" Holder crowed with a sly grin. Her horn came to life with a lively flare as she squared her shoulders, spread her hooves, and crouched. She focused on her target and lowered her head. Whipcord tendons stood out in her neck, back, and legs as she tensed and the glow of her magic shone brighter and brighter. Seeing that the snarky recruit was putting her whole heart into something, finally, Effulgent gave a satisfied nod and turned to see which of the weights the ignorant young mare had selected. She would bet bits to ribbons that Holder would try to lift one that was far too heavy… she seemed like the type to show off. Perhaps a few days in the infirmary with horn sprain would teach her a lesson? None of the stones were glowing. She squinted. From the littlest rock that would fit in one's hoof, to the six-pony-weight ammunition for a tremendous trebuchet, not one floated in the air or shivered and wiggled on the ground as somepony struggled to raise it. Effulgent blinked and opened her mouth to ask what Holder was doing, when a bright glow caught her eye; shimmering around a statue a few yards behind the stones. Carved from imported cream and jet marble, and thrice life-size, The Sisters stood shoulder to shoulder, gazing majestically into the promising future of Equestria. Blue foxfire magic boiled about their solemn faces as Holder got a solid grip. She couldn't be serious! What if she was?! Effulgent Glow gasped, "Wai-!" "HUP!" Holder grunted, strained to jerk her head up, and pointed her horn skyward. Her hooves dug into packed dirt and a blinding burst of magic rang like a dozen glass bells being struck. Where the statue once stood, a cloud of steam, dust, and small stones roiled in the air, covering its ornate fountain base. A moment later came a loud THOOM, that was felt in one's jellies more than heard. High overhead, a formation of pegasi dissolved into shouting chaos as something huge hurtled past in a blur, punching a hole through the clouds. On the ground, startled unicorns scattered, screaming as they galloped away from where the statue had stood. Pebbles pinged off Effulgent's peytral and helm. "Whuuuh? W-what? What? What?!" she yammered; Holder thought she sounded like a yappy dog. "What did you do?!" Holder grinned up into the blue sky. "Just whut y'all asked fer." "What I-?" Effulgent's pupils shrank to little pin pricks. "Yup! Y'all told me to lift the biggest rock ah could." Holder glanced at her out the corner of her eye and smirked. "Seemed real sure 'bout it too, so ah just done what'cha asked fer. S'how it works inna army, aint it, Ma'am?" "Oh, no, no, no!" Effulgent yapped some more as a cold sweat broke out under her robe. "You are NOT blaming this on me! Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?! Guards! Anypony! Restrain this madmare before she kills somepony!" Her cries were lost in the uproar as recruits galloped hither and yon, shouting their heads off, leaping and turning and crashing in tangles of limbs. Spooking one another into increasingly mindless attempts to escape. A hoofful of trained guards tried to coordinate a response… mostly by running around shouting their own heads off. Holder's horn flared back to life and Effulgent yelped, "Hold! Halt! Stand down!" while flailing her fore hooves in Holder's face. She stuffed a dirty hoof over Effulgent's muzzle and calmly pushed the frantic mare back a pace. "Could y'all quit jawin' fer a sec? Ah'm… Hah!" "Ware below!" came a distant cry from overhead. Pegasi scattered again as the massive statue plummeted past! Blue flames whipped and curled around the white and black meteor, and it slowed, slowed, and slowed, finally coming to a halt just above Holder's blazing horn. "There! Y'see, nothin' ta worry 'bout." Holder grinned as foamy sweat trickled down her brow. She winked at Effulgent. Who stared, cross-eyed at the upside-down muzzle of Princess Celestia's statue, which lightly brushed against her nose. Her eyes rolled back and Journeymage Effulgent Glow flopped over backwards in a dead faint, with her once shiny armour clattering on the dirt. Holder chuckled, shook her head, righted the statue and floated it back to its fountain. The base was cracked and broken, so despite several nudges she couldn't get it to sit level. "Eh, at'll do." Her ears pricked at the sound of somepony clearing their throat behind her. "T'was truly the greatest burden thou couldst raise?" The mare's voice was deep and cool as a well and carried a commanding weight that sent a shiver up Holder's spine. Aside from that voice, it was eerily quiet. Holder glanced about and saw that everypony around the bailey had stopped their frantic uproar and were staring at the pony behind her. A few stretched a fore leg and bowed their muzzle low. Bowels suddenly a-quiver, Holder slowly turned. And looked up. Way up. Taller than any mare or stallion Holder had ever seen, she was dark blue with her wings spread wide and looming like thunder clouds. Clad in armour so black it swallowed light, much like her slowly waving mane, though that twinkled with seeds of light scattered through it. Princess Luna raised a graceful eyebrow in an arch and waited for Holder's reply. "Well…" Holder hesitantly began, but stilled her traitorous tongue to think, for a change. She tried to mind her manners, like Pappy said to, she really did! But what fell out of her muzzle was, "Didn't reckon y'all'd take kindly to me tossin' bits of yer pretty castle 'round." Luna stared down with cyan eyes that were cold as Midwinter Eve. Holder swallowed loudly. "Y-yer High-n-mighty-ness… Ma'am…?" A white arc cracked and spread across Luna's dark muzzle. A smile as swift and bright as moon rise. Her laugh boomed out, rich and rolling, as she patted Holder's cheek gently with an armour-shod hoof. "Oh, I like thee. We shall make merry with the minotaur, thou and I."