//------------------------------// // The Ending of the End - part 1 // Story: A Dream // by totallynotabrony //------------------------------// “Did we really have to have this wedding sponsored by Valiant’s Patented Bell-Shaped Hairdos?” Bon Bon whispered to Lyra as the two of them stood at the front of the room. “Yes,” I said, standing between them as the rest of the crowd - most of Ponyville had jumbled into the town hall to see the wedding - looked on.  “Now are you ready to get this party started?” “That’s what we’re here for,” Lyra confirmed. “Cool, you’re married now.”  I raised my hooves and banged them together twice. The Clapper I’d installed heard the sound and powered on the rave equipment. The entire room was filled with lights and noise.  I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on - I’d subcontracted Vinyl Scratch to handle it - but I trusted that it was supposed to be that way. My job done, I made my way out through the mosh pit and headed back for Twilight’s castle.  I was a busy guy, and officiating two weddings in quick succession had left me kind of behind in my schedule. I had a couple of things I wanted to get done that day.  After the great advertising opportunity of the wedding, I was expecting salon customers to increase.  I walked into the castle and went to the room I’d carved out for myself as a workshop. There were so many unused spaces in the huge building that Twilight didn’t know them all, and she hadn’t noticed me literally chipping a new room into existence into a solid wall.  I sure hoped it wasn’t load-bearing. Walking in, I spotted my tape recorder lying on my workbench.  I frowned. Why wasn’t it on my person? I didn’t remember leaving it anywhere. There was a sticky note on it in my handwriting (Hoofwriting, mouthwriting?  Sue me.) that said Listen. I was instantly on guard.  What had blackout-me done this time? I pressed play. Another successful field trip, I presume?  This voice was male, and sounded vaguely familiar. Spreading distrust among the unicorns and earth ponies is almost too easy. We could take down Twilight and her friends a hundred times, but as long as they have the love of Equestria behind them, they’d crawl back to defeat us.  Not anymore.  This voice, too, sounded familiar.  Female, and kind of buzzy. No friendship, no magic!  It’s so obvious when you think about it.  I did my part freaking out the pegasi.  There was no way I could mistake this one, though.  It was Cozy Glow. I remembered that she had been involved in the racism-spreading a while back.  We hadn’t caught her, but we did figure out she was involved. I thought hard for a moment.  Now that I recognized one of the voices, I was betting the other two were Chrysalis and Tirek. Tirek spoke again.  Grogar’s long absence has given me time to prepare the next part of our plan.  Though, it would have been so much easier had we been able to recover his bell.  That artifact could steal any creature’s magic. I glanced up.  The weird bell I’d found in my pocket after one of my blackout spells was sitting on a shelf. Huh. I looked back down at the tape recorder, but the conversation seemed to be over.  I had no idea how blackout-me had managed to record it. And if he had that kind of access to these guys, why didn’t he just take care of them?  The tape had confirmed that Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy were working together, and that they had some sort of plan. I had no idea who Grogar was, but he also seemed to be involved Well shit, it looked like I was going hunting. I grabbed the bell and hopped in the B1R and headed for Canterlot.  They say if you’re good at something, never do it for free. Of course I was going to take credit for eliminating this threat to Equestria, and if I could spin it correctly, maybe even get the princesses to ask me to do it as a favor to them. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a good guy to owe a favor to. However, when I arrived in Canterlot, the streets and skies were bustling.  It seemed like everyone was trying to get into the city. That’s when I noticed the huge posters with Twilight’s face on them.  Coronation today! I pushed my way through traffic and landed in the castle courtyard.  The guards didn’t seem to appreciate that, but they backed off when they saw who it was.  Good, they were learning. I walked into the throne room, where Twilight, her friends, Spike, and the Princesses were.  “What’s this shit about a coronation? Are you still going through with this despite repeated demonstrations that Twilight isn’t ready, her continued inability to handle the sun and moon, and her own protests?” Luna said, “Well, we’ve already cleared out our royal suites so she and Spike can move in.  It’s a little hard to go back now.” “We didn’t even tell her that to keep her from freaking out,” Celestia added. “Well now I am!” Twilight interjected.  “I had been getting ready.  I’d even gone and made Spike my Royal Advisor.” “Royal advisor?  What’s that?” “It’s a new position I created for Spike.” “Wow.”  I turned to Celestia and Luna.  “Already abusing her government position for personal gain?  She actually might be more ready than I thought.” I shook my head.  “But enough about that.  I’ve got something actually important to talk about.” “Hey!” said Twilight. I went on.  “I have evidence that Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow are working together on some evil scheme.” I shot a look at Twilight.  “After I directed that someone check out Tartarus and confirmed that they’d all escaped.” “And I’ve been making plans since then!” Twilight insisted.  “Knowing that they’re out there, I’ve been studying and putting into place ways to defeat them when they eventually show their faces.  We have defeated them before, you know.” “Okay,” I said, “if you’re sure.” I started to turn away when Discord stumbled in, covered in mud and breathing hard.  “My aching metatarsals! You know, you forget how convenient snap-travel is.” “Wait, did you just walk here?” said Spike. “Yes, actually.  And I have a confession to make.  You see, I might have made the teeeniest boo-boo.  All very well-intentioned and noble on my part, of course, but-” “Get to the point,” I said. “You remember that whole thing with King Sombra?  That was slightly my fault. And by ‘slightly,’ I mean...I brought him back.” “You did?!  But why?!” Twilight demanded. “Because Discord’s an asshole,” I said.  “I thought you knew that.” “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Discord went on.  “Which is why I also brought back three other villains who are now on the loose and not really big fans of yours.  So... my bad.” “Wait, Tirek, Cozy Glow, and Chrysalis?” I said. “I thought it would boost Twilight’s confidence if she fought and defeated them,” said Discord to me.  “Since you ruined that plan with Sombra.” “Why would you do that!?” Twilight said.  “You didn’t even bring them back to try to reform them, you just wanted me to fight them?” “Well, it wasn’t easy,” said Discord.  “I posed as the ancient villian Grogar and pulled them from Tartarus.  I intended them to work together to create a stronger fighting force to make a challenge for you.” “But not work together so they would learn the power of friendship and be reformed?” Twilight said flatly. “But it would be good for you,” he argued.  “Think about how confident you were after defeating them last time.  You haven’t had a good villian battle since this walking plot twist showed up and started doing them for you.”  Discord gestured at me. “But you’ve been lying to us all this time,” said Twilight. “A well-intentioned lie.  But come on, what about Valiant?” “As much as I hate to defend Valiant, he constructively criticizes state security instead of purposely releasing the biggest threats to Equestria from confinement!”  “I was just trying to prepare you for the princesshood by orchestrating an epic attack at your coronation so that you would have the confidence to take over from the Princesses!” “You have made a grave misjudgment, Discord,” said Celestia, coldly. “See, even she’s starting to come around,” I pointed out.  “No confidence in Twilight.” Celestia shot me an irritated look, but turned back to Discord.  “Do you have anything else you’d like to tell us?” “Would you like the good news or the bad news?” “That wasn't the bad news!?” Luna burst out. “All my chaos magic is gone.  Tirek, Cozy Glow, and Chrysalis learned about my abilities to charge up others.  After they forced me to empower them, they were powerful enough to disarm me.” I vaguely remembered how Discord had given Braeburn his magic back when Tirek had sucked it at the Summer Sun Celebration. Spike sighed.  “So what's the good news?” “That was also kind of the good news.  The three of them are superpowered and probably coming here right now.” “How the hell is that good news?” I demanded. “Compared to me losing my powers, anything else is good news!” Discord moaned. I shook my head.  “There are a lot of things that have confounded me about Equestria over the years, but you know what?  I’m done.” I turned to walk away.  “I’m going to go just do my own thing.  None of this is my problem. All of this is Discord’s fault.  Get him to fix it.” “But...my power....” he whined. I didn’t even dignify it with a response. Okay, sure, I wanted to kill Tirek, Cozy Glow, and Chrysalis.  All of them deserved it. If Twilight had actually been making a plan to defeat them since it was discovered that they were missing, then she might actually have a shot.  Discord’s scheme, while idiotic, might actually come through and give Twilight a confidence boost. Though, that would depend on whether she was motivated by her anger at him, or freaking out because everything was going wrong. I decided to wait and see, and come up with a few plans of my own for Discord. Since I was in Canterlot, I headed over to the local salon of the chain I’d opened.  Ponies were still going nuts about the bell-shaped hairdos. We’d even expanded back into regular hair treatments because free money. I was working on Octavia that day.  She, of course, wasn’t one for trendy fashion, and had just come in for a trim. I’d long served as secret-keeper for many ponies, and I’d found that being a hairdresser really opened me up to a lot of it.  Maybe that was one reason Rainbow did it in the other universe. “But the thing about Bulk Biceps,” Octavia was saying, “his bollocks are so cute.  We didn’t have sex, of course, and in fact I feel bad for him, but the whole date was Vinyl’s idea in the first place.” Some of that I had already suspected, honestly.  I, too, felt bad for him. I snipped off the split ends and held up a mirror so Octavia could see the back.  She was turned facing towards the mirror. That was policy in my salons. Nothing was more frustrating than not being able to see what what happening to your hair in real time.  And while I was at it, I had also made a rule about asking before spraying anything. You know, basic common sense and courtesy. And if I was the one coming up with it, it must have really been obvious. In the distance, a siren began to wail.  I looked up. “What’s that?” Octavia cocked an ear.  “I think that’s the summon-the-Pillars-of-Old-Equestria-we-need-help-to-stop-an-invasion alert.” “I’ve never really figured out who the Pillars of Old Equestria are.” Octavia shrugged.  “I don’t know if they’ve ever done anything significant in modern Equestria since Princess Twilight and the Elements rescued them from where they’d been trapped for a thousand years.  The incident was briefly mentioned in the friendship journal, but as much controvery as that book has generated, it may not be a good source to cite.” “So should we be concerned or not that they’re being summoned by a siren?” “Possibly,” said Octavia. There was suddenly a slightly different siren.  “What’s that one?” “That’s the an-enemy-went-right-through-the-Pillars-and-is-now-heading-directly-for-Canterlot klaxon.  So now, yes, definitely be concerned.” I was just about finished anyway.  I swept off the cut hair and removed the gown from around Octavia’s neck. “Thank you for the cut,” she said, passing me payment.  “I should be going now to beat the rush.” I waved goodbye.  As Octavia opened the door, Blueblood pushed past her.  He’d managed to shake much of his paparazzi today, which was slightly unusual because he usually reveled in the attention.  Not only that, but him being seen in my salon was good for business. He swaggered in and puffed out his chest.  “I think it’s time you started paying me.” The other stylists I’d hired started to surreptitiously put in ear plugs. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked him. He polished a hoof on his chest.  “Well, I was the genesis of the design, first recipient, and have done more for the brand than anypony.  Surely that means I am owed for my part. I should think eighty percent will do.” “You are out of your goddamned mind.” “Oh?  Did I not leave room for negotiation?  Perhaps you think I’m only owed sixty percent.  I’m sure we could compromise at a very reasonable seventy percent to me.”  “First of all, no.  Second of all, why do you even need money?”  I paused. “Wait, this is about power with you, isn’t it? “Do I not deserve it?” he said.  “I am Equestria’s Prince.” “I’ve personally told the Princesses to go screw themselves.  I’ve killed gods. I don’t give a shit about you. I thought as much as I abused you, that was pretty clear.” I turned and picked up a large bronze bell that I’d been saving.  “But I will take your money in exchange for services rendered.” He saw it coming, and flinched.  I hit him in the head with the bell.  “Stop moving!” He did, probably because he’d been knocked silly.  I slammed the bell down around his head and picked up a sledgehammer that was leaning against the wall.  I thought about making a pun about getting hammered, but let’s be honest, he wouldn’t get it. As hard as I hammered on the bell, he probably wouldn’t be getting a lot of things for a while.  It was an amazing de-stresser for me, though. The ringing did bring out the journalists, though.  They may have missed Blueblood coming in, but a loud donging was a sure signal that he was here now.  I could see a couple of them crowding the front windows. I smiled and went to sit down in an unused chair.  I crossed my legs and tented my hooves, posing for the cameras. I have to say, this wasn’t the kind of fame and fortune I expected to find in Equestria, but I would take what I could get.  I smiled for the cameras and sat there on my throne as the prince of bell hair.