//------------------------------// // Chapter 31: Climbing Free // Story: The Centurion Project // by TheEighthDayofNight //------------------------------// Elias shouldn’t have gotten sucked in. He shouldn’t have let Night Flash suck him in. He was a man who had seen battlefields that stretched for miles, had seen mass graves, had sat on piles of bones and watched the sunrise. He had smashed open bank vaults and burned the contents. His world had been a literal playground, where anything was free as long as he had the strength to take it, and Elias almost never found himself lacking. He had traveled as far east as the coast, and as far south as the White House, intent on taking the desk of the president, only to find it covered in piles of feces. He had a dozen homes with a million possessions, and anything and everything had been his, and he threw it all away, becoming a minimalist in his pursuit for far greater, but less material things. But now he was as obsessed with the damned Wonderbolts cards as Night Flash was. There were just so many kinds, and some of them could actually speak! Talking playing cards, who comes up with something like that? Elias didn’t know, but he sat enraptured, firing off questions as Night Flash showed him the best his vast collection had to offer. “This one,” Night Flash said excitedly, holding up a card with a pony who looked like Spitfire, but with all the wrong colors, “is from the one-year anniversary of Princess Luna’s return! It’s tradition for the Wonderbolts to perform during the Summer Sun Celebration, but Princess Luna, at the time, wanted to start her own separate version of the Wonderbolts, so she asked Captain Spitfire and a hoof-picked team to dress up in different costumes with color enchantments to promote the Shadowbolts!” At the word Shadowbolts, the card seemed to come alive. The picture shifted from two dimensional to three dimensional as the little pegasus came to life. She gave a grin and a wink to Night Flash, then took off into the air, doing a corkscrew loop before touching back down with a soft woop. The pony then faded back into the card, leaving Elias to stare with open-mouthed awe. He really wanted to ask Night Flash if he could make the card do its little show again, but there were so many more cards to see, so he asked; “What happened to the Shadowbolts? Do you have a collection of their cards as well?” Night Flash sighed and shook his head. “Unfortunately no. This set was printed before the celebration, and when they prepared to take off for their practice run, Spitfire found that the magic in the uniforms interfered with their traditional pyrotechnics. She and Princess Luna tried to brainstorm to solve the issue, but they couldn’t figure it out in time, so Princess Luna told them to forgo the uniforms temporarily so that they could figure it out for a secret performance for the next Nightmare Night.” He slid the card back into its protective sheet, then drew out another one with a pony that Elias thought was Soarin, with black fur instead of blue. The magic of the card activated, and the pegasus neighed before flapping into the air. Elias followed the motion up until the miniature pony almost touched the ceiling, then the pony flapped down hard, pulling up just in time to land softly on his hooves. “What happened next?” Elias asked, completely enraptured as the pony took off again, spiraling in tight circles. “Unfortunately, or I guess I should say fortunately, the show went off without a hitch, and Captain Spitfire spiced up their fireworks and maneuvers to make Princess Luna’s cutie mark. The princess loved it so much that she became an instant Wonderbolts fan and abandoned the effort to make her own team. I don’t think she’s missed a single race in Canterlot since.” Night Flash closed the book, and Elias almost protested, but then he looked up and found that everyone was watching them intently, with the food steaming and waiting on the table. Elias coughed into his hand to hide his embarrassment, but he leaned close to Night Flash. “Can we look at more later? I really want to see what’s in the other books,” he whispered softly. Night Flash grinned and nodded before hopping from Elias’ lap. The book levitated away, setting down on a side table while Book Binder beamed at him from the second seat to his left. That just made him flush redder, and Elias had to resist the urge to bury his head in his hands as Night Flash moved to the seat directly to his left and plopped down happily. Shooting Star groaned loudly from his place across the table. He didn’t show as much discipline as Elias as his head hit the table with a thud. “I can’t believe Flash got another pony interested in those dumb cards. They’re not even that great,” he grumbled. Night Flash scoffed at his younger brother. “You’re just jealous because somepony shares one of my interests. Besides, they’re really cool Star! I don’t know why you don’t like them.” “They don’t compare to the real thing!” Shooting Star exclaimed, throwing his hooves in the air. “Nothing can compare to seeing the Wonderbolts in action!” Elias cleared his throat, drawing the younger pegasus’ attention. “I’ve never been to a Wonderbolts show, so I wouldn’t know.” He waved at the binder. “Those cards are the closest thing I’ve ever seen, and if that doesn’t compare, I can’t wait to see the real thing.” “Oh,” Shooting Star said as he calmed down instantly. “I guess I get it then. You should go see a show then, it’s the best thing you’ll ever see.” The pegasus sat a bit low in his seat as he tried not to flush with embarrassment at his outburst. His parents were giving him death glares, while Night Flash beamed, alternating between looking at Book Binder and Elias. Velvet Breeze broke the silence by smiling and raising a steaming bowl of potatoes. “So, who’s first?” Idle chatter filled the table as food was passed around. Elias had to be picky with his choices, but he noticed quickly that only one of the dishes contained something that he flat out couldn’t eat, while the rest were simply vegetarian versions of his normal diet. Book Binder leaned over as she passed a basket of bread. “If this isn’t enough, I will make you a snack when we go back to the castle, okay?” she whispered. Elias nodded silently, trying not to meet the glare that Moonlit Night was giving him. He did his best to match the amount of food the ponies around him were taking, but as he set down the last dish to start eating, Velvet tsked and shook her head. “That won’t do at all Elias, you are a growing stallion and need more than us older ponies do.” She levitated the bowl of pasta back over, scooping out a large serving before dumping it over the minute portion Elias had given himself. Before Elias could protest, the potatoes found their way to his plate as well, and they too were upended, making a mound of food that towered over the table. Elias couldn’t help but chuckle lightly as the basket of bread lifted next, depositing the largest two rolls next to his already overflowing plate. “If you keep adding more Mrs. Breeze, I’m going to start growing the wrong way.” Ice Shard smiled and laughed. “Please, Book Binder tells us how much you exercise in the guard. We’d need half the food in Canterlot just to put a few extra pounds on your skinny bones.” The pony patted his belly. “Maybe when you’re my age you can worry about “growing the wrong way”.” Elias felt the beginnings of relaxation creep into his shoulder blades as the pony chuckled. He felt momentary confidence return as Velvet set down the food bowls and motioned for him to start, so he scooped up the awkwardly sized fork, and did so. Any calmness he had managed to achieve blew away like a fly in the breeze as Moonlit Night glared at him, her voice cutting like a cold dagger through the warm atmosphere. “Just how old are you Mr. Bright?” Her gaze momentarily softened as she shot a smile at Night Flash. “My darling little Flashy hasn’t given me a precise number in all of our conversations.” The bread Elias had taken a large bite from seemed to stick in his throat as his mouth became dry. He swallowed roughly and stared at his plate, trying to take comfort in the multi-colored meal. He rubbed his thumb along his eyebrow as he answered. “I’m uh… I’m nineteen.” The ponies reacted just like they always did. Elias tried to ignore their stares as he continued to eat. He could tell that Book Binder wanted to get up and give him a hug, but the pony remained seated, giving him a sympathetic look as she too continued to eat. Elias felt Night Flash rub his hoof against his left knee under the table in what Elias imagined was supposed to be a comforting gesture. It helped, but not nearly enough. “You’re younger than I am?” Shooting Star asked in a daze. Elias sighed and nodded, scratching at the hair behind his ear. “If you’re older than nineteen years old, than yes. Just believe me when I say that every day of my nineteen years felt like a lifetime.” Shooting Star seemed to be floored by the statement, and Elias couldn’t tell whether that was a good thing or not. It bought him silence however, and Elias did his best to continue eating. The revelation seemed to further irritate Moonlit Night, and her glare returned in force as she got over her shock. “And why exactly did the princesses let a nineteen-year-old… whatever you are, into the guard, when my Shooting Star has to wait until he is the proper age of twenty-three? I don’t think it’s fair that some new creature gets special treatment over regular ponies.” Elias felt the rational part of his mind take a nasty hit to the knees as it collapsed under the wave of anger that was rising in his chest. He rolled a bit of food from between his bottom teeth before he set his fork down and looked at her. “Maybe it would have been fair if your son got one of these hmm?” Elias said, thumbing his scar. “Perhaps you would have been proud when your son gets stared at like he’s some kind of rabid animal because he did his job right and got disfigured because of it.” Elias felt his breath catch in his chest for a moment, but for once, he forced his own panic attack away. Damn Moonlit Night, and damn anyone else who looked down on him. He didn’t care what they thought. He didn’t need them. He only cared about two ponies, and from the looks they had on their faces, they were on his side. Elias took a deep breath, letting his body relax as he picked his fork back up and began eating anew. Damn anyone who wanted to ruin the day. It wasn't just any day either, it was Book Binder and Night Flash’s day. Everything had been far too focused on him, and Elias had a mind to change that. He looked to Book Binder with a small, forced grin. “So, have you two started making plans for your wedding day, or is that something that’s in the future?” “Flash and I were hoping to have something small…” Book Binder started slowly. Her mother squeaked in protest. “Absolutely not young lady. You and your wonderful stallion are going to have a proper Canterlot wedding, with all of the bells and whistles! I already have a friend working out availability dates for the castle gardens, and when you’re ready, I have a few dress makers lined up.” Book Binder groaned. “But Mom, I was hoping to wear your wedding dress! We already talked about how well the aquamarines match my fur! It just makes everything pop!” Velvet sighed in exasperation, but smiled. “I know baby, I just want it to be special for you. Either way, we’ll need to get that dress properly fitted if you decide to go with it.” Book Binder snorted. “Mom, are you trying to call me fat?” Velvet rolled her eyes. “Quite the opposite dear. You might have gotten fat if you stayed a librarian, but being in the guard has done wonders for your figure, and I’m worried that my old dress will just slide off. While I’m sure your fiancé might enjoy that, I would rather you make it through the ceremony at least.” Almost everyone chuckled, save for one pony, who had continued glaring at Elias. Moonlit Night’s eye twitched. “Something funny Mr. Bright?” Elias didn’t bother turning his head toward the unicorn. He merely used his eyes to stare back at her as he stabbed at his pasta. “The joke was fairly funny Mrs. Night, both the intended one, as well as the unintended one.” Velvet smiled and cocked her head. “What was the unintended joke Elias?” “Undressing while going down the aisle is a bit ironic considering that ponies are largely nude.” He tugged on his tunic with his thumb and forefinger. “Everyone here is naked besides myself. I just thought it a bit funnier that nudity during the wedding would be frowned upon as opposed to regular nudity is all.” Velvet chuckled and nodded in understanding. Moonlit Night was not so accepting of Elias’ interpretation of the joke. “So our traditions are a laughing matter now?” she snapped. Elias kept the smile on his face as he shook his head and stared with increasingly tired eyes at his half empty plate. “I didn’t say that Mrs. Night, just made an observation about a difference in culture that I thought amusing. Nothing more than that.” He tried again to shift the focus as he looked to Night Flash and Book Binder again. “So, do you two have a date in mind, or are you winging it?” Elias could tell that Book Binder knew he was trying to make an effort to remain civil, and she smiled apologetically as she tapped her chin. “Well, Flash wants a wedding sometime in either summer or fall, but I was kind of hoping for a spring wedding.” She sighed. “Unfortunately, we missed that mark this year, and I’m not sure I want to wait around for an entire year to get married, so I think sometime in the fall, probably before the Running of the Leaves.” “What’s that?” Elias asked quickly, noting Moonlit Night opening her mouth to speak more. She sent him another nasty glare as Night Flash replied. “The Running of the Leaves is how ponies in the smaller towns clear the trees to make ready for winter. It’s a big race where the ponies primarily stay together as a pack and use the combined force of their hoofsteps to knock the leaves down in one go.” Night Flash smiled widely. “Maybe this year we can go watch! We always talk about doing it, but we all get so busy around wintertime, and I think it would be really cool to take a mini-vacation to see the race.” Elias nodded in agreement. “It sounds like fun. If nothing else it would certainly be interesting to see. On Earth the leaves always just fell naturally, back when most trees still had leaves of course.” “What does that mean?” Shooting Star asked curiously. “You didn’t have leaves where you were from?” Elias shook his head. “No, not really. We used to though. We had vast forests that would just stretch to the horizon, lush and green, and completely untouched by man.” He smiled wistfully. “The woods near my childhood home were like that, the trees were tall, and it was always shaded and cool, even on the hottest summer day. I used to run around with my sisters and our dog through those woods, exploring and playing. It was good times.” “What happened?” Shooting Star asked. Elias felt his mood drop like a stone as the happy memories were shoved away in an instant. He had so few good memories, and he wished that he could relish in their pleasant presence for a little while longer. Elias sighed and stared at the table for a second before he answered. “Well,” he scratched the back of his head as he figured out how to best phrase it, “let’s just say things got bad, to a point where very little could survive. The trees died, and once the leaves fell, they were gone for good. By the time I left, the forests were decaying, and all you could see to the horizon was bleak, blasted white husks.” Elias frowned and shook his head as he picked his fork back up. “It wasn’t a good place anymore, let’s leave it at that.” Elias made a mental note to stop talking. Each time he tried, it always brought out more pain, and caused the meal to fall into a silence. He just needed someone else to speak and run with it so that he could listen and eat, then leave. The longer he stayed, the more alien he felt. The glares Moonlit Night continued to shoot him didn’t help at all, and he knew that his continued presence was just causing a rift between the ponies. As he continued to eat, Book Binder asked Night Twister about his work, and she took over directing the conversation, keeping the subjects light and decidedly away from Elias. Lucky for him, she was much better at keeping things on track, and even Moonlit Night would occasionally stop glaring at him as the conversation flowed. They moved through an assortment of topics, some of which Elias listened to with interest, while others he tuned out, focusing on the food before him. He quickly figured out that he wasn’t going to be able to eat half of it, let alone all of it. He had been eating light for days, and the bread, pasta, potato combo was far too filling for his stomach. Velvet Breeze gave him a look of concern as he set down his fork. “Is everything alright Elias? It looks like you’ve hardly eaten a thing.” Elias glanced down at his food, then back up to the unicorn. “That’s only because you gave me enough food to feed a family. I don’t eat this much in a day, let alone in one sitting.” Velvet snorted and smiled, as did Moonlit Night, which unnerved Elias, setting off alarm bells in his head. “That actually brings up a question I had Mr. Bright; do you have any family?” the mare asked, her voice sweet, but her intent clearly malicious. Elias winced as the question bounced around his head like a hand grenade. He waited for the timer to tick down as Night Flash set his hooves on the table and glared at his mother. “Mom, that’s enough. This is supposed to be a party for fun, not an interrogation of my friend.” Moonlit Night held up her hooves defensively. “I apologize Flashy, but I was just trying to learn more about Mr. Bright. The creature that keeps my darling boy and his beautiful fiancé away from my dinner table so often must be pretty important. I just simply wanted to know what his family is like is all.” “Was,” Elias said simply, his eyes staring deadly at the table. The table fell to silence, and Elias glanced up, looking to Moonlit Night with vacant eyes. “Was like. Past tense. They’re dead. Have been for some time.” The unicorn’s mouth opened in a small ‘o’ of shock, but Elias couldn’t find it within himself to care. The meal in his stomach sank like a stone, and Elias knew his mental state was soon to follow. He pushed back from the table and took the napkin from his lap, swiftly wiping his mouth as he stood up. “Mrs. Breeze, thank you for your hospitality, the food was excellent,” Elias said with no emotion as he turned away. He moved quickly to the door, and only Book Binder’s magic was able to stop him from leaving. Elias sighed as the unicorn turned him around and tried to bring herself to eye level. He saw tears in her eyes, and they pleaded with him to stay, but Elias knew that he wouldn’t. Things were only going to get worse if he stayed. “Elias, I am so sorry,” Book Binder said. “I thought we had warned them about this, but I think Moonlit Night is just protective, and…” Elias gave her a small hug, cutting the unicorn off. She sighed and rubbed his back, but Elias withdrew quickly, opening the door with his left hand. “Don’t worry about it Book Binder,” Elias said softly. “Just go back in there and have a good meal with your in-laws. Make sure Flash doesn’t say anything regrettable to his mother.” Book Binder whimpered as he took a step outside. “But what about you Elias? You can’t be alone right now; I can see that. You need somepony beside you. Please don’t go, we’ll figure this out.” Elias shook his head and looked outside, squinting as a beam of sunlight caught his bad eye. His focus was fading, and he could feel his self-control dangle on a thread, worn to the point that the slightest misstep could push him to a breaking point. He needed distance. “There’s nothing to figure out Book Binder. Try to have a good day, we’ll talk later. I’m happy for both of you, and I hope I haven’t ruined anything.” Book Binder sighed and shook her head as her ears flattened. “You could never Elias. Please stay safe. I don’t want to find you in a hospital bed again.” Elias felt a trace of a grin flash across his face, and he looked back at her and winked. “No promises. Now get back in there and have a good time, I’ll be alright. We’ll talk later.” The words felt hollow, but Elias kept his best smile on his face. Book Binder sighed again, but she accepted the fact that he was leaving. She gave him a quick hug around the waist, then held the door open as Elias slid out of the small house. He gave her what he thought was a reassuring smile as he waved, but the look on Binder’s face was one that indicated she didn’t believe it. The door closed slowly, and Elias waited for a moment to see if the unicorn would charge out to stop him anyway. When she didn’t, Elias began making his way toward the castle. He was exhausted. The day had already been an emotional train wreck, and as he walked, Elias realized that the last place he wanted to be was somewhere he could be found. He needed somewhere where nobody would pursue him, not to hide, but to simply be alone. As he walked, a shadow fell across his face, and Elias squinted as he looked up at the massive peak above him. Canterlot was placed halfway up the mountain, and he had read from more than one guide that said it would take an experienced climber only a few hours to reach the peak. While he had no experience with climbing, Elias also had hands, and better, fingers. He should, in theory, be able to reach the peak at least as fast as an experienced pony. Elias felt a smirk touch his face as his mind quieted under the pressure of a new challenge. He quickened place, and he felt his emotions relax as he made his way toward his room. The singular task provided excellent focus and motivation, and the excitement of defeating a massive new enemy filled him with energy as he began to sprint to gather the necessary supplies. ***** Elias grimaced as he sucked on his thumbnail, eyeing the remaining climb with irritation. Scaling a mountain evidently required more preparation than he thought. After reaching his room, Elias wrapped his hands with some spare cloth from a worn away tunic, then grabbed the coil of rope from his ruck. He was fired up and ready to set to work, more than ready to find the perfect distraction. Nobody had stopped him as he moved quickly through the palace, and if they gave him strange looks, he was too focused elsewhere to notice. He had jogged to the free climb area of some no-name park. It was here that he stared up the rock face with a confident, almost arrogant grin, and then he started his climb. It was within the first few hundred feet of sheer rock face that Elias realized he was far out of his depth. The wrappings on his hands did little to protect them from the sharp stone handholds of the mountain, and now the blue strips were painted red as the cloth acted as makeshift bandages. Most of his fingertips were rubbed raw, and he was missing several fingernails as well. The pain didn’t stop him however, and Elias had climbed on. Now, he was sitting on a ledge within two hundred feet of the top, but his legs felt like burning jelly, his back was in bone splitting agony, and he couldn’t feel the blood dripping slowly from his hands. On top of all of that, it was almost dark. The sun had begun setting about halfway up, and as he stared out over the growing lights of Canterlot, Elias noticed that it was giving him barely enough light to see by. If his math was right, he had maybe fifteen minutes before the sky grew black. With darkness came cold, and unprepared as he was, Elias was beginning to shiver. The man sighed and got to his feet, gritting his teeth as he grabbed hold of the wall above his head. Movement would provide the warmth he needed to survive. With immense effort, Elias pulled himself up using his upper arm strength alone. The already strained and tired muscles screamed at him for more rest, but he ignored their cries as he found a foot hold. His left hand rose as his right foot found a hold, and he pushed forward, unwilling to fail again. He would have one victory, even if he collapsed at the top. While he was adjusting his feet, a hand hold pulled free. Rocks clattered down the cliff side, and Elias felt the breath catch in his throat. For that brief second, he hung, hundreds of feet in the air, held only by three nail-less fingers, with nothing else to prevent him from dropping like a blood-filled stone. Then his right hand came up again, and he found a stable hold. His feet followed the lead of his hands, and he scrambled up a foot. Catching his breath, Elias stared down at the ground, then grinned ferally. A low chuckle quickly turned into a loud yell as he whooped, enjoying the rush he felt from his near-death experience. Filled with adrenaline, Elias grinned like a madman as he scrambled up the rock face, abandoning caution. Within a few minutes he could see the edge that led to the top of the mountain, it was just an arm’s length out of reach. If he played it smart, he could carefully scale the rest of the face with ease, but Elias felt high on his pumping adrenaline. Nearly dying had done wonders for his brain, and he had one last risk in him before his body collapsed under the advanced strain he had put it through. Elias leaned back on his calves, tensing his muscles as he prepared to make the jump. He gave himself a six count, bouncing back and forth as he did the minute calculations. If his distance was even a little off, he would drop. The rope was long gone, used up toward the lower areas of the mountain. There was no safety net, no way out if he missed. Elias smiled as the feeling of blind danger gave him the necessary energy. He pushed up with all his might as he made a flying leap, his arm extended to close the last few inches. He only just made it. Four fingers snagged on the edge, and Elias cried out in both pain and victory as he felt one of his remaining fingernails pull back. Before it could crack and fall off his finger completely, Elias latched onto the ledge with his other hand, pulling himself into a weak, quivering mess on the top. His right arm and leg dangled dangerously over the edge, and Elias felt curiosity bloom as he debated simply rolling off the side. Could he catch himself fast enough, or would he plummet? Such questions. Elias panted loudly as he laid on his back, pointedly ignoring the blue alicorn to his left. Luna sat under a very warm looking blanket, next to an even warmer looking fire, with a waiting meal and a tall, spectacular looking glass of water. Elias ignored all of it, as well as the dryness of his mouth as he stared at the darkening sky in victory. He conquered the mountain; not with help, not with ponies. He didn’t need friends, and he didn’t even need to kill to beat this enemy. He just won, all by the strength of his will. Nobody could take his victory from him, for he had won it alone. Victory only kept him warm for so long however, and it grew more difficult to ignore the crackle of the fire just a few feet away. Luna looked to the stars that were beginning to poke through the sunset. “Did you climb on your earth often?” Luna asked. “You spoke very passionately about touching the sky when we first met; was this a way to achieve that goal?” Elias didn’t answer. A shiver passed through his body as he became painfully aware of how his sweat was beginning to freeze to his tunic, and by extension, the mountain top. The stone seemed to leach away his body heat, and the sun going down was not helping. Luna sighed loudly. “Elias, please do not ignore me. Any words, even those that may hurt, are better than silence.” Elias felt a grin split his face as he laughed loudly. “I disagree completely.” He snorted and shook his head. “And don’t say that like it’s some sort of fact that you know, because it isn’t. I know some very nasty words that will hurt you more than either of us would like, so I’m going to lay here in silence until I figure how to climb down in the dark, while you enjoy all of the things you brought up. Talk if you want, I won’t answer. I don’t talk to people I don’t trust in some capacity, and you have shown me that you, and your sister are incapable of that trust.” “Elias, I am sorry that we deceived you, but-…” Elias rolled to his left and stared at her. “No, don’t say that, because that isn’t true. You’re not sorry you lied to me, you’re sorry it didn’t work, you’re sorry that I didn’t just roll over and accept the lie. We both know you’re here for a reason, so don’t lie to me more. You can stop digging that hole.” He rolled back onto his spine and flinched as a cold gust of wind chilled his dangling fingers. The sky was cloudless, giving him nothing to focus on. That left words, so he spoke. “Do you know how awful today has been because of you and your sister? Do you know what I almost did to Night Flash? That poor, innocent stallion saw me losing my collective shit on anything and everything within our room, and he didn’t hesitate to step in.” Elias chuckled without humor. “I almost hit him, because I thought he was one of your little spies, sent to fuck me up and make me weaker than I already am.” Elias rubbed his eyes with the palms of his bloodied hands, doing his best to avoid painting his eyes red. “I almost hit him,” Elias repeated. “I almost struck one of the only ponies that I have left that I know I can trust. He doesn’t deserve to deal with me, and whatever gods you have are cruel for putting us in the same room as each other. I’m a special kind of hell that I wouldn’t reserve for my worst enemies, and Night Flash of all people gets roped into dealing with me. What a joke.” Elias sighed and glanced at Luna. “That’s what you did today. I already lost one adopted family, and you nearly cost me the second one. That’s how my day has been today, so now that I’m done talking to you, I would prefer there to be silence. I’ll take a nap and then climb down, alone.” He closed his eyes and laid still, trying to ignore the cold that swept up through his tunic. It took less than a minute before Luna tried to pipe up. “Elias, I…” Ah!” Elias snapped, raising a finger. “Sleep requires quiet.” Another shiver rolled through his body, and Elias tried to ignore the pounding in his chest as a gust of breeze tried to knock him from his perilous perch. Luna whined softly. “Please Elias, come away from the ledge. I understand your anger toward me, but please do not put yourself at risk because of it. I shall call the guards to come fetch me if that is your wish, just please, come warm yourself and rest.” Elias cracked an eye open and stared at her as he rubbed at his face in thought. “I should just roll off the cliff. It’s a hell of a drop, and nobody can stop me. It would solve everyone’s issues in one fell swoop. A second or two of falling, then sweet, sweet oblivion.” He didn’t mean the words, but the look on Luna’s face as she glared at him was worth it. “Keep looking at me like that, and I’ll do it out of spite,” he said with a sadistic chuckle. Luna’s glare softened and her eyes pleaded with him to move toward the fire. Another gust of wind pushed him toward the edge, and Elias sank his fingers into a crevice as his body weight teetered back and forth on the edge. He knew within a second, thanks to the shrieks of both voices in his head, that he didn’t want to die. He had given an unspoken promise to Book Binder to see her again, and Night Flash still hadn’t shown him the rest of the Wonderbolts cards. The two were plenty of reason to live for. Elias used his hand hold to drag himself back from the edge. He heard and ignored a sigh of relief from Luna as he rolled to his feet, trudging to the fire. The alicorn pulled a candle from a set of saddlebags obscured by her blanket. “I shall leave a page with you to call a chariot should you require it,” Luna said. “My guards will be here as soon as I send this-…” Elias waved her down as he fell on his rump next to the fire wincing as he shoved his battered fingers next to it. “Don’t bother. This conversation is going to happen whether I want it or not, so we might as well get it done now.” He snorted. “Not like anyone cares what I want.” “I care Elias,” Luna whispered. Elias shook his head, not looking up from the flames. “No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be up here to try to convince me.” Luna sighed, and Elias caught hints of tears in her eyes, but they disappeared quickly as she removed the cover from the plate. She shifted the plate, a teacup, and a blanket toward him. “Please Elias, eat, drink. We shall talk when you have recovered from your climb. It was no easy feat do climb Canterlot mountain without equipment.” Elias smiled weakly, but with pride. “No, not it wasn’t.” His tongue was barren of moisture, so he started with what he assumed was tea. He drank the entire cup in one swig, then did his best to not spit it up as the foul substance slithered down his throat. Elias looked to Luna with a look of disgust. “What was that?” “A dosage of healing potion Elias,” Luna said with a small smile. “You were tracking blood up my mountain, so I thought you could use a mild boost before Scalpel catches you tracking blood through the castle yet again.” Elias felt his bad eye twitch at the mention of the pony’s name. Yet one more potential spy. Another agent designed to make him weak, soft. It was because of Scalpel that he ended up connecting so heavily with Book Binder and Night Flash. The unicorn always just “happened” to cave when the pair of ponies pressed him for more visitation. Another tactic to draw him in, to lower his defenses so that when the sucker punch was delivered, he would have no choice but to lay down and accept it. His face twitched again as anger rose, and Luna sighed. “Elias, please do not think that everything was a carefully planned out lie. It is merely a host of coincidences, matched with a scarce few instances of manipulation. I promise that none of your friends were planted as such.” Elias’ eyes flicked up, and he cocked his head. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Congratulations Elias, most of the sandwich we shoved down your throat wasn’t made of shit, just a little bit of it was, so see? It isn’t so bad; you only swallowed a small piece of shit.” Elias snorted and his eyes fell. “A grain of manipulation is still manipulation. It makes you no less guilty, but for consolation, it doesn’t make you any more guilty either. I promise,” he sneered, mocking her words. Luna looked pained at his tone, but she didn’t press him, instead falling silent as she stared at the fire. Her hoof reached out and nudged the meal next to Elias. Knowing she wouldn’t stop until he ate something, Elias snatched up a bread roll and the glass of water. He had managed to empty his stomach during one of his breaks, and the water was much needed considering he hadn’t brought any. He drank smart though, taking sips until the glass was nearly half empty. A gust of wind made him shiver and caused the fire to flicker. Luna noticed instantly, and she nudged the blanket toward him. “Take this Elias, you have no fur, and winter has only just concluded. The nights will be chilly for some time yet.” Elias ignored her words and he set down the glass, staring at the fire wordlessly as he thought about how best to tear apart her arguments. Even her help was another piece of the puzzle, another strand of the web to trap him into doing their bidding. More lies disguised as sweet truths. His resolve felt weak though, and each gust of wind brought another shiver as he tried to avoid staring at the blanket. He wrapped his arms around his chest, and huddled close to the fire, letting as much anger free as he could to stay warm. It didn’t help, and his teeth began to chatter quietly as his sweat finished freezing to his back. Luna frowned, nudging the blanket again. “Elias, please, I brought this for you, and for no other reason. Take it, you are pale with cold.” “I’m” ‘freezing’ “fine,” Elias replied. “I’ll get warmer as we talk, so go ahead, sell me the lie you want me to believe. I’m ready to get this done.” A hurt look flashed over Luna’s face again, and she shuffled in her seat. “Elias, I am not trying to sell you a lie. I want to see you happy with your life, and I want to see you freed of your pain. I genuinely believe that by leading, by starting this venture anew, you will find inner peace.” Elias snorted and shook his head. “Really? That’s you’re argument? This is all for my sake?” He chuckled dryly. “And here I thought you were going to try to tell me all about the greater good and how Equestria needs me.” Luna sighed. “There is that as well, but I knew better than to attempt to justify my actions that way. This is all very personal for you, and I believe you can see great personal benefit from this.” Elias’ eyes flicked up, and his face twisted in a snarl. “You think I give a fuck about “personal benefit”? Is that what you think this is about, me? You haven’t listened to a damn thing I’ve said. It’s never been about me, and if you actually cared half as much as you say you do, then you’d know that.” More pain flashed across Luna’s face, but this time she countered his words by getting angry. She matched his snarl with one of her own. “Elias, I do care, and I have been listening. I know that you think you are somehow protecting everyone around you by bottling your emotions and your memories inside, but that is not healthy, and it is killing you. You need to let these things out, to talk about them, grieve about them, and then move past them. You told me not to spend too much time looking back, yet your life is controlled by your past, to the point that for every step you take forward, you are thrown back a hundred. If you say no, I must know why. Let us talk this out, from a friend to a friend.” Elias smirked and looked up at her. “Friend to a friend? You’re making an awful lot of assumptions.” Luna’s anger faded for a brief moment, and she stared at him in confusion. “But… we are friends. You said as much during Hearth’s Warming. We may have been busy these past months, and we may be currently experiencing a rough patch in our friendship, but we are still friends.” Elias’ smirk widened and he shook his head. “No, we aren’t. Every piece of that “friendship” was built on lies and deception, and therefore doesn’t exist. At best, I’m your guard. You don’t want to know what we are at worst.” He snorted dismissively again, and his eyes fell back to the fire, rolling his healing fingers near the heat. “As far as I am concerned, we aren’t friends, and we never have been.” Luna blinked at him in shock. “Elias, that simply is not true, my actions on Hearth’s Warming prove it!” she protested. Elias laughed at the alicorn. “Spare me the shock and confusion, we both know that you just saved me to protect your investment. I can’t well lead an army if I die in the snow. That’s just simple math, try again.” Luna growled at him, and for a moment, Elias felt the air around them grow colder. “I was not trying to save your life for any sort of gain Elias, and I did not need to comfort you following your suicide attempt, nor did I need to cover it up. I saved your life because I care about you, and because we are friends. We connected in harmonious song, and we have spent many an evening together having fun with Nightshade. Despite this argument we find ourselves in, we are friends.” She said it like it was a statement of fact, but Elias knew better. She was a dedicated actor though. “No, we aren’t," he replied. "I don’t care how you spin it, and I don’t care what “fun” you bring up to try to justify it. Nightshade is probably the biggest agent you put on me, and I’m sure she’s fed you a steady stream of information about my habits. Everything that happened between us was just more manipulation, you think I couldn’t figure out why we didn’t bet using money? Because money wouldn’t have made me your docile little pup, seeking whatever treat you dangled from your hoof.” “We aren’t friends,” Elias snapped. “We never have been, and I think it’s more than safe to confirm what I knew in that damn jail cell months ago; we never will be.” Luna had a look that revealed both her outrage, and her anger at his statement. The blanket around her shoulders fell to the ground as she hopped to her feet, her face flush with rage as her mouth opened. “ELIAS BRIGHT, WE ARE FRIENDS AND WE SHALL BE SO TILL THE END OF TIME. CEASE YOU NONSENSICAL PRATTLING SO THAT I MAY APOLOGIZE FOR THE WRONG DOINGS OF MY SISTER AND I!” Elias blinked the moisture back into his eyes as he recovered from the full blunt force of the Royal Canterlot Voice, but instead of what was likely her intended effect of cowing him into submission, he jumped to his feet, his voice preparing to rise as he tried to match her in volume. He jabbed a finger at her and opened his mouth to yell, then stopped, his mouth twisting in a humorless smile. He spread his hands and took a step back from the alicorn. “You know what? I believe you completely,” Elias said to Luna. “In fact, because I so completely believe you, I am going to give you the exact same choice that you forced on me.” The smile dropped as Luna looked at him with concern. Elias put on a fake pout. “Come now, don’t look like that, it’s for your personal benefit after all.” Elias felt his eye twitch as the bastardized version of her words spat out at her. Luna flinched back slightly, and a part of Elias’ mind whispered that he might be making a mistake, that she might be genuinely sorry, but Elias ignored it and continued. “The first option is this;” he raised a finger, “I stay in the Lunar Guard, not as a captain, or some sort of strategist, but as the everyday guard. I will fight, and bleed, and maybe die in your name, but I won’t lead. In this option, we can stay friends, and I will let you take me to all the little cuddle piles your fuzzy pony heart could ever want.” Luna looked briefly hopeful, but that expression died as Elias extended a second finger. “Or, I can be your General. I’ll raise a legion for you, and I’ll teach them to fight, and I’ll lead them to war, just like you and Celestia want. I will fight, and bleed, and maybe die alongside them.” Elias tilted his head and shrugged as he amended his words. “Hopefully die actually. Blood’s going to be spilled, and people will die, I would rather give my life for a legionnaire then see them dead on some nameless battlefield. But back on topic; in this option we aren’t friends any more. End of story. I won’t speak to you, or so much as glance in your direction if it isn’t work related.” Elias spread his hands as he let his face fall into a blank stare. “Choose.” Luna’s face immediately shifted to one of denial and frustration as her eyes flicked back and forth across the ground. Her mouth opened and closed while Elias waited silently, crossing his arms to ward off the shivering. The moon wasn’t up yet, but it was fully dark, and the cold air felt like tiny knives as it sent prickles down his skin. That didn’t matter however, and he kept his still gaze on Luna as she stomped a hoof in frustration and looked at him. “That isn’t fair!” she cried. “I wish for us to remain close Elias, but we need your help! If you are merely a guard in my employ, Celestia’s generals will not listen to you, and they are the majority!” She plopped down and stared at the fire, sniffling loudly. “I need your vote to carry any changes that need to be made, and despite what you may believe, you are an incredibly persuasive, charismatic individual. You can sway their opinions and see things done right. We need your help.” She sniffled and rubbed at her eyes. “But I don’t want to lose one of my only friends.” She continued sniffling, and Elias could tell clearly that she was on the verge of crying. Why he provoked that reaction, he didn’t know, but he could tell from the look on her face that it wasn’t for show. She genuinely felt the weight of the decision as she struggled to pick one of the options. Elias sighed loudly as his anger toward the alicorn evaporated into the air. He plopped down across from her, then as an afterthought, snatched up the blanket. It brightened her mood slightly as he draped it over his shoulders, and the threat of tears vanished as the small concession brought her calm. Elias did his best not to shiver as he huddled in the blanket, staring blankly at the fire. “Now you feel a fraction of the strife I feel. Now you have a taste of why I can’t say yes. I have to decide who’s more important, a million faceless nobodies that I couldn’t care less about, or the people that I care about. I’m just some random human teenager, what do I know about making that kind of call?” He rubbed at his nose. “I don’t know anything.” Luna stared at him in thought for a moment, then sighed loudly. “Before I answer your question, I have to ask Elias; you have referred to me neither by name, nor by title. Why?” Elias didn’t look up. “Because I haven’t decided who you are to me yet. Are you my princess? Just the person I guard every day, is that all you are to me? Are you a traitor to me? You betrayed my trust, that, or you haven’t listened to anything I have told you, and in my mind, that’s almost worse.” He rubbed his hands together and blew between his thumbs, trying to warm his palms up. He met Luna’s eyes. “Or, are you my friend? Were you ever my friend? Because I’m no expert, but if you were my friend, and if you are still my friend, then you have been one of the worst friends I have ever had. You threw me to the wolves Luna. You stabbed me in the back by suggesting that I create an army for you in front of everyone. If you actually cared, you wouldn’t have sprung this on me, you would have talked to me about it the moment you thought the idea up.” He snorted dismissively and stared back to the crackling flames. “But I guess that’s what can answer the question. When did you start considering this? Has every action since you saw me been leading here, or has this only been a recent development, brought on by someone else?” Luna sighed. “I can tell you the truth Elias, but I do not think you will believe me.” She paused, as if asking for permission, so Elias silently waved for her to continue. The alicorn took a long breath before she did so, with her eyes joining his as they stared at the fire together. “The plan to travel to Saddle Arabia has been on Celestia and I’s mind for a bit over a year. The tradeway has always been plagued with issues, and the Saddle Arabian’s have recently become embroiled in the Zebrica civil war, so they constantly send requests for medical aid. They know better than to ask for military aid, but treating injuries, and saving lives? We would not deserve our crowns if we did not contribute to easing the suffering brought about by war.” She sighed and continued. “The main tradeway saw increased use as we encouraged merchants to take their wares to Saddle Arabia, selling goods and services tax free so that their cities could find some measure of relief. As Midnight Chaser said, we believe that Chrysalis was able to breed an army from the love she snatched from that road, but we can’t simply abandon our client state out of fear of the changelings. We have made a commitment to Saddle Arabia, and we will continue to honor it, but we needed a better way.” Luna shuffled her hooves, glancing up for a moment at the space next to Elias before her eyes flicked back down. “I was informed of your greater role in our march two months ago, it was why I was late to one of our poker games, and why I was distracted enough to let you win.” “Let me win?” Elias asked with a raised eyebrow. “I won fair and square; my poker face is excellent.” Luna snorted and waved her hoof dismissively. “If I was paying attention, I could have noticed your bluff. Your poker face is perfect, but you can tell when you lie in poker because you tap your leg with your smallest two fingers.” Her face fell and she looked away. “But I knew that night, and I wished to tell you, but I feared that it would ruin the evening. It was the first time Nightshade and I didn’t have to coax you to play, and you were more relaxed about the bets. I did not want to ruin our fun.” Elias winced as he remembered the evening. It had been an excellent, relaxing day, followed by an incredibly enjoyable night, and even though he had lost nine out of the ten games to Nightshade, he had secured his first victory in cards against the ponies, all because of a bluff that had slipped under both Nightshade, and Luna’s noses. Luna had congratulated him with a hug, one of the first he had accepted without fear or complaint, while Nightshade congratulated him by slipping him a flask full of hard cider. While it wasn’t as rough as his whiskey had been, it was more than enough to brighten a few rough days. If he remembered correctly, he still had some left in the flask on his sword belt. The belt he threw away. Luna shifted slightly, and a glint of metal caught Elias’ eye as the alicorn settled again. His eyes narrowed and stared at a carefully wrapped bundle of cloth. Luna followed his eyes down, then smiled, using her hooves to drag the bundle free of her saddle bags. She passed it over the fire, and Elias took it gently, running his hands up and down the cloth as he unwrapped his sword belt, gladius and all. Elias glanced at Luna, who’s smile took on a sad glint. “That was never ours Elias, and it was never a symbol of your service to me. That belt, and that sword is yours and yours alone. No matter what decision you make, it will continue to be yours.” Elias’ hand rested on the hilt of his gladius for a moment, but he didn’t want to see the blade. Not yet. The hand shifted and Elias withdrew his flask, quickly unscrewing the top and taking a long swig. He then offered it to Luna, who didn’t hesitate to accept it. She took a long swig as well, and passed the flask back as she sighed. “Elias I… I am sorry. For everything. I have brought you great pain, and you are right, I am a terrible friend. Whether it is born of my ignorance of your past or not, I should have talked to you about this. I was a coward for not facing this issue, and I am sorry Elias.” She sniffled and laid down, closing her eyes as tears began to flow. “I’m so sorry. I’m a bad friend.” Her sobs were near silent, but they were audible enough over the crackle of the fire. Elias closed his eyes and rocked as he listened to them for a moment. The voices both began to talk, but Elias crushed them both. He didn’t need any reminders of his failures, and he didn’t need anyone telling him how to act. He knew what was right, and whispers would not help him in the slightest. Elias grunted as he got to his feet, though Luna didn’t notice as she continued to softly weep. Elias moved around the fire, and then when he got close enough to the alicorn, he poked her side with his foot. Her cries momentarily stopped as she looked up with teary eyes, and Elias grunted at her. “Get up, I’m going to sit there,” he said, pointing to the space just before her. The alicorn sniffled and nodded silently as she rose. Elias sat quickly, gently grabbing her wing as she tried to wander around the fire. Luna gasped as he guided her to his back. As her fur pressed against his back, Elias felt the tension drain from his body, and he rubbed his cheek against the fluff affectionately. It was another change the ponies had forced on him, but one Elias didn’t mind so much. The creatures were designed for snuggling, and the mountaintop was cold. He wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to be warm and comfortable, and he knew that it would make Luna just a bit happier. She would need that kernel of happiness for what came next. Luna shuffled as she settled around him, wrapping his body with both her hooves and wings. Elias closed his eyes and let her rock him as she nuzzled the top of his head. “What has brought this about Elias?” Luna murmured. “This is for a reason, I can tell.” Elias nodded and sighed. “I’m going to tell you a story Luna, and I will need your help to get me through it, because it is the reason I am the man I am today. All the horrors of my world just might not have mattered if my legion had survived, but they didn’t, and I am going to tell you why I cannot build a new legion for you.” Luna sighed. “You have made up your mind then?” “No,” Elias replied, opening his eyes and shifting so that he could stare into the fire. “And neither have you. We will both give each other our answers when I finish, but maybe this is all just another one of my innumerable failures. Listen closely, because I will not be able to tell this story twice.” Luna nodded and nuzzled his neck. Her breath was warm, she was warm on his back, and Elias couldn’t help but feel absolute comfort being held by the large pony. “Alright Elias, I shall listen. Stop if it hurts you too much, I do not enjoy seeing you suffer.” ‘And yet here we are,’ Elias thought. He took a few deep breaths to mentally prepare, then he let the words slip off his tongue. “I suppose I should start with the monster. I was younger then, the ripe age of sixteen, and I was little more than an animal. I did awful things to innocent people, and nobody could stop me.” He snorted. “And before you think that there was some noble goal behind it all, there wasn’t. I was causing suffering because I loved it. No more reason than that. I spilled an ocean of blood for laughs, and I can safely say that if I had met me, I would have cut me down without hesitation. No better than a rabid beast.” He sighed and shifted so that his cheek laid in Luna’s fur. Already his mind was alight with painful memories, and he had just started. Her fur was as soft as ever however, and he took as much comfort from her as he could. “I found someone who was different. A man named Tristan.” Elias snorted again. “A man, bullshit, he was a boy like me. A year older, but better in every way. He had walked the same road I had; he was just farther along. When he found me, I was starving, sick, and bleeding to death. The result of a fight with a pack of dogs. I was too beaten up to turn them to food, so while they rotted, I crawled into a hole to die.” Elias let out a long breath of air. “He wouldn’t let me though, he saw “potential” in me, whatever that was supposed to mean. He bandaged me up, then dragged my sorry ass back to a camp he had made with his close friends.” Elias paused and closed his eyes as a sob threatened to ruin his calm. “Those stupid, beautiful people. I had no reason to live, no value, and they didn’t care a bit. They fed me, clothed me, nursed me back to health. They also weren’t so caring about my privacy. They read my journals; saw every nasty detail I had carried out. The books were filthy then, filled with a million wrongs as I cut my way through the world, destroying anything in my path.” He smiled wistfully. “And they didn’t care. Like I said, Tristan saw potential. He wanted to show me a “better way”. Once they got me back on my feet, they set about teaching me how to use my “talents” for a good reason. To hurt the right people.” He looked up at Luna as the first of what he knew would be a torrent of tears crept down his cheek. “How Luna? How did they take a monster and make a man out of him? Any sane person would have slit my throat and left me for the worms.” Elias rubbed his eyes with the heal of his hand. “But not them. Good people. The best really.” “They were your family,” Luna whispered softly. Her hoof found his back and began rubbing small circles. Elias closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into her as he nodded. “They were. Just like Book Binder and Night Flash, they were closer to me than anyone related by blood. I loved them more than anything in the world.” He closed his eyes and refocused. “We wandered for awhile, picking up strays, hurting the people who deserved it. As we got more and more people, we built a town, putting up tall walls while we kept dragging in people from the wastes. We gave them a home, a measure of safety. It was good, things were getting better.” Elias scratched the back of his head and smirked. “Then, me being me, I fucked up.” He giggled madly, and he felt Luna’s grip tighten around his body as his mind teetered near the edge of sanity. “Like anything has changed. I still do the same stupid shit, still overreact to any little thing that comes my way. White Shine was evidence enough of that.” Luna’s hoof shifted and stroked his head. “You protected a friend Elias, and you did not do lasting physical damage to White Shine. At worst you were justified in your punishment.” Elias snorted dismissively. “Whatever you say Luna. Back to then, I beat a man half to death for stealing food. Broke both of his legs, then dragged him outside of our settlement where I kept beating him until my friends pulled me off of him. Tristan, he was our leader at the time, said I wasn’t welcome any more, that I had gone too far. He was mad, and now that we had a community, a bit scared. He was afraid that the lessons he taught me hadn’t stuck, that I was still the rabid dog they found.” Elias sighed, and scratched at his nose. “We shared some nasty words, and we ended up at each other’s throats. I called him a soft-hearted coward, said that he didn’t have what it took to keep our town safe. So being the calm, reasonable man I am, I challenged him for leadership.” Elias’ smirk returned. “I got taught a new lesson that day, because he proved me wrong in spades. He made the beating that I gave the thief look like child’s play. When he was done, the only thing I could do was walk. He broke both arms, my jaw, some ribs, and then when I still tried to keep fighting, he dislocated my shoulder to prove a point.” He tapped the limb as a bout of cold caused it to ache. “Still hurts to this day.” Luna’s eyes stared at him in horror. “That’s… Elias that is terrible.” Elias shrugged and looked back to the fire. “Maybe, but I deserved it. He exiled me after that, and the timing couldn’t have been worse. I had beaten the man because I was concerned about food for the winter. Well, now they had one less mouth to feed.” “So, I stumbled away,” Elias continued. “I could barely hear through the pain, but some of my friends begged him to allow me back in. He couldn’t look weak though, couldn’t go back on his word, so he didn’t listen. Wouldn’t have mattered if he did, because I would have kept walking. “Beaten half to death, and my stupid ass still had a sense of pride,” Elias said with a laugh. “I wandered off, and a few friends came after me. I sent them back, said things to hurt them, to drive them away. Like an old dog, I knew I was going to die, and I didn’t want anyone suffering on my account.” “How did you survive?” Luna asked. “I cannot believe you treated such grievous wounds yourself.” Elias snorted and shook his head. “Maybe a broken leg, but not two broken arms. Lucky me though, because my friends were more stubborn than I was. That first night I walked until I collapsed, praying the first snow would kill me.” Elias felt a shiver pass through his body, and Luna responded by shifting them both closer to the fire. He closed his eyes once more as he rubbed against her chest fur. It was so wonderfully soft. He was going to miss it. “They nabbed me within a few minutes, strapped me to a bed, then dragged me into a nearby building. They had seen the signs of my mental relapse, and they had already prepped for the day I would get myself into trouble. They hadn’t expected it to be so severe, but they managed to patch me up. Then they waited for me to wake up.” Elias sighed. “Two days later, I managed to regain enough consciousness to speak, but this time I used a different tactic. I begged them to leave me, to let me die. I knew what I had done, and it burned me to the core with how weak I was. I was done with living, didn’t want to act as a dead weight on their lives.” “A burden…” Luna said softly. Elias grinned and tapped his forehead. “Now you’re drawing the parallels. Tell me Luna, how much of this little story sounds familiar? Should I get to the part where I came up with the idea where I built a legion? Or maybe the part where I ended up as the leader and built it from the ground up?” He snapped his fingers, his irritation rising to fevered pitch as his mind convulsed with internal pain. “Oh, I know, how about the part where the people I love more than anything decided to fucking volunteer for my little venture?” He snorted, keeping control as he closed his eyes, settling against Luna’s fluffy chest fur. “I know what’s going to happen the moment I ask for trainees. I know which hooves exactly will go into the air without hesitation. I know who will decide to “help” and they are the exact reason why I won’t do it at all. I won’t lost them again. My legion on earth was butchered before my eyes and there wasn’t a damn thing I could to save even one of them.” He rubbed at his eyes, trying to keep the tears back. “I won’t lose them again,” he said, trying to sound angry. “Damn the greater good, I have lost more than enough for the sake of others.” Luna sighed, and Elias felt her nuzzle the top of his head. “The pain you must carry Elias,” she said softly. “I am sorry, and I wish that you did not have to suffer like this. We have begun on a road to your recovery, no matter your answer at the end. Please, continue your tale. I wish to hear the entire story, no matter how much it hurts.” ‘You would,’ he thought, ‘because you’re not the one who’s hurting.’ He continued regardless. The words wanted out now, and even if she tried to get him to stop, he wasn’t sure he could anymore. “We suffered that winter,” he said with a shaky breath. “Food was nonexistent, and more than one of my friends abandoned the effort, not that anyone blamed them. Starving to death is one of the more painful deaths, and I hadn’t stopped encouraging them to leave. January rolled around and we were freezing, starving, and desperate. Then we found it.” Elias smirked. “That damn library. What I thought was salvation. I should have burned it to the ground.” Luna snorted. “Take caution saying that around Twilight. She would attack you for such words.” “If she heard about half the things I’ve done to books, she would have obliterated me on contact and we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Elias replied. “Wouldn’t that be so bad,” he muttered. Elias could feel Luna’s frown on his back, but he didn’t care, and he continued his story without issue. “We broke in, and the place was untouched. Clean, quiet, dry, even a bit warm. Most importantly though, it was being used for a canned food drive. Why nobody had noticed, I don’t know, but our luck changed in an instant. We had firewood, entertainment, and food enough to last for a year minimum.” “More than that,” Elias said, taking a breath, “we had information. For a few days we just lounged around, but as we got bored, we started combing through the library. As we read, I came to a realization. Nobody was going to last much longer living like we were. There was a finite supply of canned food, and that was running out. That made us look up farming techniques. Then we realized that bullets were all but gone too, so we looked up blacksmithing so that we could make weapons.” Elias waved his hand in a circle. “On and on we looked and read. Then, I stumbled into a section that had been a childhood favorite of mine; history. That particular library had a large Latin cultures section, and it took me less than a day to become obsessed with Rome.” Elias smiled wistfully as he looked to the stars overhead. He wondered briefly why the moon still wasn’t out, but he continued his story without interruption. “My friends were smart, and they encouraged my obsession. They saw me changing before their eyes. I started talking differently, I paid more attention to physical health and appearance. I learned how to become a public speaker, and taught myself ancient battle strategy, I was learning from the greats after all. I taught myself Latin, I read about every great leader in Roman history, and I learned how they got to their greatness. I actually started taking notes, making these vast plans for a… project.” He snorted dismissively. “It was a fools dream, conjured by some idiot kid who spent half of his life as a psychopath.” Luna clicked her tongue. “I doubt that Elias. Tell me, what was this plan of yours?” Elias rolled his eyes; of course she would try to encourage the behavior too. She was no different than any of his friends then, a dreamer. “I wanted to take back the wastes from the scum of the world who saw fit to prey on the weak,” Elias said simply. “I wanted to build a new Rome on the ruins of the wasteland. Once things were up, we could build a senate, and have elections, and an army and just…” He sighed deeply. His shoulders slumped and he stared at the ground. “I wanted to be something else for once. Not just a fighter, or a killer, or a scavenger. I wanted to plan cities, to carve out a society that could learn from the past and make a better way. Maybe we could have reversed the damage our parents had done, or maybe we just had to be the defenders of what was left. I didn’t care, I just needed a catalyst to ensure that we wouldn’t live in fear of those who had more muscle.” “I still have the plans you know,” he said, looking back to Luna. “I kept the most important parts in my journals. Battle formations, standards, material lists… city designs.” Luna smiled down at him. “I never figured you for a city planner Elias, perhaps there could be a future for you in architecture.” Elias rolled his eyes and snorted. “Not likely. I drew the plans in crayon; literally. I burned through all of the pencils and pens in the library, so when the markers and colored pencils ran out, I was left with crayons. To add insult to injury, I, in my infinite naïve stupidity, named my city Pax. What kind of sentimental moron calls a city peace?” Luna leaned over and nuzzled his neck softly. “A man who has been shown hope, and who has embraced it wholeheartedly. Please, continue.” Elias scoffed in reply, but continued with the story. “When spring came, we gathered up everything of value, torched the rest, then went back to the town. Tristan was waiting, watching for our return. Later one of my friends told me that he felt guilty for what he had done and had gone looking for me the same day that he had nearly beat me to death. When he couldn’t find me and came back to more missing people, he sat in vigil and watched, day after day, praying for our return. Everyone I sent home he welcomed back with open arms.” Elias sighed. “But not me. Not the monster, who even now hasn’t changed a damn bit. I’m still the same maniac that beat a man for stealing a can of soup.” “Elias, that isn’t true,” Luna replied. “You are not a monster.” “Aren’t I?” Elias said, tapping his scar. “Used to be that I could pass for normal, freak I may be, but now? The whispers cut deep Luna. They shouldn’t, but each word cuts like a knife, and I can’t help but feel that they’re right. The outside just reflects what’s inside now.” Luna hugged him tightly. “No Elias, none of that is the case. You not a monster, inside nor out. That scar shows that you are a hero to Equestria, and in time ponies will come to understand that. For those who do not understand or take issue with you anyway, send them to me. I shall straighten them out.” “And do what?” Elias said with a snort. “Force them to be my friend? No, it doesn’t matter. I’ll either toughen up and shut them out or I won’t, and I’ll suffer. It’s not important.” Luna sighed again, but she didn’t press the issue. “This Tristan, what did he do?” she prodded. “He stormed out of the walls with this massive knife in his hands,” Elias said, his eyes seeing the blade clearly. “I thought he was going to kill me, and if I’m being honest, I was ready for it. I wasn’t even going to stop him if he decided to just end it right there and then.” He snorted. “Was I in for a shock when he gave me the knife and begged for me to kill him. He was crying and just begging on his knees, pleading with me for some kind of punishment; some idiotic notion that I needed to pay him back for the beating he gave me. When I stopped sending people home, he thought we had all perished. Five lives were on his head, all of whom were close friends. All because he didn’t keep control.” Elias rolled his shoulder. “We were far too much alike in that regard, but at the time, I had no interest in payback, I only wanted to move forward. I threw the knife away and grabbed him, holding him close as he cried, then I just started talking. I showed him my plans on the spot, gave him the left-over food we brought, and then I went on and on about all the good we were going to do. Then I asked him to be let back in. No was never even considered.” Elias smiled wistfully. “You know what comes next of course. Big homecoming party, tears, forgiveness, all of that sappy bullshit. The next day I was put front and center and I laid out my big plan. What I didn’t know was that during the winter, Tristan had made contact with a few other sizable settlements. They were supposed to arrive just after my group came back, and by the end of that week we had some three thousand people, more than I had seen in just shy of a decade.” Elias let out a long breath of air, then tapped Luna’s hoof gently as he rose. He needed to pace. Energy was building in his limbs, and if he got angry, he didn’t want to lash out at her. She didn’t deserve anything that severe. He made small back and forths on the other side of the fire, staring at the stone as he continued. “We were organized, we had resources, and most importantly, we had bodies. It was the perfect environment for an excited, stupid seventeen-year-old to start preaching his gospel about how we were going to be the people who rebuilt the world.” He snorted again. “And they ate it up like they were dying of starvation.” “Perhaps it was starvation of the spirit,” Luna said. “You offered them a better way, and much like yourself, they needed to believe in something.” Elias shrugged. “Maybe. Either way, I asked for volunteers to train up a legion; our protective and offensive arm. Tristan would stay at home since he had made the contact, and he was our de facto leader. So while he maintained and led the home front, my job was to build, then lead the legion. The plan was to have a little senate set up for anyone who voluntarily fought. By the end of the day I had two hundred volunteers, with another hundred waiting in the wings as a reserve.” Elias spread his hands as he made another turn, taking a deep breath. “And then we built. I taught and trained the legionaries the basics of combat, while my friends and I figured out all of the skills we needed. Our books became the single greatest tool we had. Everyone learned a trade; mine was battle strategy, but it extended to everything. Blacksmithing, carpentry, sewing, farming, everything. We trained and built, and worked together and within a month I thought we were ready to take on the world. We had shiny new weapons and slick battle maneuvers. An unstoppable machine to fight back any takers.” “A big shiny threat,” Elias finished coldly. He stared at the ground, the closed his eyes and continued. “We struck out, messed up some nearby raiders, scooped up the slaves they had, and took them home to set free. They just dived into the community, working their asses off to pay us back, and though we told them it wasn’t necessary, we didn’t try to stop them. The work needed done, and if they were eager, more to them. We were riding high, and I honestly thought that we would never lose. That nobody could beat us, and in time, we would win without effort.” He tilted his head. “Taking out the small fries however, attracted some dangerous attention.” “Elias,” Luna said, picking up on the undertone of the story, “you couldn’t have known…” “But I did!” he snapped in reply. “I knew they were out there! I had attacked them before, and they knew me by name!” He let his anger fall as he snorted dismissively. “They had every right to be scared of what I built, and what does a scared animal do when it’s backed into a corner? It fights. Our little victories had put the raiders in quite the spot. Suddenly, somebody was organized, and was acting like a big threat, and word was getting out. They knew how it worked; they knew the strategy I was using.” He lowered his hand to his waist. “You start at the bottom and work your way up. Cut off the small heads first, then when you get good at that, take on a bigger opponent. Pretty soon the boss has no underlings to bully into line, and you can take them out too. They knew what would happen, so they made “arrangements”.” Luna cocked her head. “Arrangements?” Elias felt a nasty flash of rage build up as his thoughts fell back in time. He rubbed his thumb against a callous on his middle finger. “Survivors do anything to stay alive. Betrayal is just another step forward.” A look of horror passed over the alicorn’s face. “Elias, no…” Elias licked his lips and sniffed. “Riding high, I decided to take a swing at one of the big camps in the region. As soon as we left, the village got surrounded and Tristan cut a deal to save their skins. He didn’t even try to use the signaling system we made to make us turn around.” He closed his eyes. “We went to the camp to find them ready for us. Outnumbered us a hundred to one, so after a short scrap, we turned and ran. I thought if we could make it behind the village walls we could hold them back, bottleneck their numbers so that our armor could mean more and we could drive them away. We ran and ran, getting good and tired. All we had to do was get back.” He looked up to Luna. “And we did. We made it to the village gates intact, no losses. Some cuts and scrapes, and we were dead tired, but we hadn’t lost a life yet.” He tilted his head and broke eye contact, turning to the cold black of the night sky. “We hit those doors to find them locked, with the cowards who locked them tucked away in their beds with the promise that they would be safe from the raiders. They had “protection.” My naïve ass thought that that was my job.” Elias felt a sob well up in his throat, threatening to choke his words away, but he pushed it down and pressed on, ignoring the tears that crawled down his cheek. “We were just so fucking tired. We had run for miles with pounds of gear on our back. The gates were closed, and the enemy was close on our heels. I… I didn’t know what else to do.”