"Boss?" Juniper called up to the dusty attic of the building. Arca had been up there rummaging around for quite a while. If it wasn't for the occasional strange noise (the strangest so far having been a drunk sounding stallion ranting about the multiverse and some kind of dipping sauce), nopony would have even realized he was up there. "What exactly are you looking for?"
There was a sudden jingling as the front door of the shop opened. Juniper had to do a double-take as Arca trotted in the front door with a takeout bag from hayburger. "Oh, hey Juniper. Did I find that thing in the attic yet?"
"I- you- but-" The pegasus shook the confusion from her head. Arca was being impossible again, she just needed to play along and it would go away. "Forget it. No, 'you' didn't find anything. Why don't you go look for yourself?"
"Well, I would, but I actually found what I was looking for at Hayburger. It was just hanging in the window! And here I was thinking I had put it in the attic. Behold!" He proudly held up a laminated rectangle in his magic. "The Help Wanted sign! We've been picking up more tourist traffic than ever lately, so I think it's high time we find somepony to work alongside you! Also the lab's on fire after I tried making S'mores and it's gonna be a three-pony job to fix."
"Wait what was that last par-"
"There we go!" Already having turned away, he hung the sign in the front window. "Now we wait for the crowd of teenagers who don't have two year's experience of having two year's experience." Almost immediately, there was a knock at the door. "See? We already have an applicant! Good morning sir or ma'am, welcome to Alchemiracles, are you looking for employment today?" Throwing the door open, Arca found himself nearly touching muzzles with a very excited-looking Razzle Dazzle holding a resume in her mouth, tail wagging like a dog.
"No."
"Pleeeeeease?" She looked at her crush with puppy-dog eyes, honed over centuries of practice.
"Don't you have a supermodel thing to go do instead of hiding… where were you hiding, anyway?"
"I was hiding under your porch because I love you!"
For a moment, Arca did not respond. Then, he let out a loud, annoyed groan. "And what are you two doing here? I thought we talked about this last month." He asked past Razzle.
"Hello there, Mr… Catalyst, correct? My sister and I are here to apply for part-time jobs here at Alchemiracles. Our workload recently was lessened and we'd like to have some extra income for a rainy day."
"Verily, we think thou whilst find our resumes to be most exceptional! We are more qualified than our sister, though."
Celestia and Luna now stood behind Razzle. Any other pony would have probably fainted upon seeing the Celestial sisters applying for a job, but Arca wasn't most ponies. "I thought I talked you two out of retiring."
"Have you met my faithful student turned fellow princess, Arcane? She did all my paperwork. All of it. Before I even woke up! I just had to run day court and had the afternoon free."
"So my princess-boss, other princess-boss, and a clingy, immortal supermodel are all applying to work here." He let out a sigh before crying out to the sky. "Anypony ELSE wanna apply?!"
"Quack."
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?! GET OVER HERE YOU STUPID DUCK, I'M GONNA FIRE YOU UNTIL YOU'RE WELL DONE!" Arca barreled past all three applicants, rage in his eyes as he chased his lifelong rival off the property.
Juniper just shook her head sadly as she imagined the news tomorrow. "Well, I guess it's my job to screen you lot until he gets back. Apparently the lab's on fire, so let's see how your emergency response skills are…"
One hour and 7 million bits in collateral damage later, Arca returned covered in glitter glue, eucalyptus leaves, and soot, and somehow he had swapped his lab coat for a tye-dye tuxedo and a pink ten-gallon hat. Nopony found this abnormal: in fact, it was one of his tamer rampages against The Duck.
"Got away again, Arcie-warkie? Need me to kiss anything better?" Razzle fluttered her eyelashes at Arca, who just shot a glare her way before sitting behind the counter.
"So what are your qualifications?"
Celestia didn't waste any time. "I have over 2,000 year's experience with business practices. If I recall, I have personally trained you in advanced alchemy after Mage Meadowbrook disappeared, and while I will admit you have surpassed me in that regard I am still among the best potion makers in Equestria."
Luna spoke next. "We do not know much about alchemy, but we have spent decades on the battlefields defending Equestria! We shall happily assist thee in guarding the store and also hunting that waterfowl the seems to elude thy grasp!"
Razzle giggled as she imagined the kind of unbridled destruction Arca would be capable of causing if he teamed up with Luna. "Well, I was your apprentice a few centuries ago. You remember how good I was at that. Also, I might not be able to work all the time because I have photoshoots and events to attend, but I'd gladly mention your shop for publicity and also let the world know we're perfect for each other. Also I'd be available for dates at any time, just say the word."
"Are you ever gonna drop that? Fine, maybe I'll take you on one date to humor you… eventually. Now then, where do you lot see yourselves in five years?"
"Happily married to my darling Arca with a foal on the way."
"Hopefully Twilight will work with us to build a brighter future for the kingdom."
"We agree! We look forward to working with Sparkle! And hopefully here as well, should thou allow us."
"I hope to be right here in five years, still making potions!" Everypony turned to face Arca, who had somehow moved over to the other side of the counter and was sitting next to Luna as if he was another applicant. "Okay Juniper, your turn!"
Juniper facehooved. "I have a question. Why me?"