“Well, Ah say it was mighty big of ya to make amends with those two. They might not deserve what they got from ya, but fer a colt ya handled it like a pro.”
“Yeah, those were some pretty cool moves. Where’d you learn that flying spin kick? And then you landed and--”
“Hush about that, Scoots. We don’t wanna let other ponies know what happened.”
“Oh, yeah,” she leaned closer to Snickers, “we’ll talk about it later, okay?”
“There it is! Sugarcube Corner, where the best stuff happens.”
He looked at the building and stopped. The girls made a couple paces before they stopped and rolled their eyes. They turned back and nudged him on by bumping him forward with their bodies. “Hey, q-quit it! Damn… that building looks delicious,” he felt his mouth watering as they got closer. The scent of baked goods called to him, and if he were able he’d float away from the earth and its tether upon him. He’d let his nose follow the scent and lead him to the Nirvana of endless sweetness he smelled.
His ears moved quickly and he realized he was near the building itself. He lost maybe a minute in sensory overload, but now that he was close enough he broke away from his handlers and ran to one of the walls, opened his mouth, and took a bite onto the hard surface. His teeth rattled when he contacted the hard plastic exterior and his heart shattered at the same time he fell flat onto the ground, realization striking him like a baseball bat to the back of his head.
“We tried ta tell ya, but ya were in lala land. It just looks like candy, it ain’t really edible.”
“Yeah, sheesh. Everypony tries that at least once. That’s why the whole thing is made from moulded plastic now.” Scootaloo tapped the wall to show him.
“Exactly, now are we gonna get some treats, or are we gonna have to skip this stop and--”
“No! Apple Bloom, please! Let me in, take me to the yummy stuff,” he sniffled from the ground and looked up at her, reaching for her hooves with his. She stepped back and looked at Sweetie Belle.
“Ugh, fine. Snickers, if you get up and stop acting weird I’ll buy you your own smoothie and a cupcake.”
He hopped to his hooves with a gleam in his eye. “Really? What flavor?” he asked while standing on the tip of his hooves.
Scootaloo leaned in and whispered harshly, “Whatever you want. Let’s just go so you stop embarrassing us.”
“Whatever you say, boss,” he saluted and started walking.
“Wrong way, door’s right over here.”
He slowed, turned in a short arc, and followed Apple Bloom inside. He looked around while following and was pleased the line was short. A blue mare with her mane done to look like icing was taking a stallion’s order when they got in line. “Snickers, ya like bananas? Carrots? Berries?”
“Yes!” he answered readily.
She shook her head in good nature and spent a moment talking with her friends while he looked around the room. It was a nice bakery, ponies sat at some tables set against the wall, but it seemed like most of the business was to go. He looked at the walls and cocked his head at the fresh baked goods just sitting out in the open air, then his eye caught something and he looked. There wasn’t anything, but he still felt like he wanted to stay close to the girls.
That was when he was scooped up from behind and the smooth outer wall of a hoof rubbed through his mane and against his scalp. “Hey, who’s this little guy?! Girls, is he your new friend? Gasp! Is he new to Ponyville?! Where’s the rest of his family? I have planning to do and,” Pinkie looked behind her at the fillies and noticed their quick and intense ‘stop it’ motions.
“Oh, he doesn’t like to be picked up! I get it,” she said dropping him and resuming where she stopped. “I have to know how many to plan for. Is it a herd of a few, on only one and two? Maybe there are three plus a little baby!”
She dodged the swing he swung at her by leaning back. “Shut up!”
“Gasp, again! That’s no way to talk to your new friend. Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie.”
He glared at her. “You’re trouble. I don’t want anything to do with you or your weird head.”
“Wow, for a colt you sure are feisty. Girls, I know how to fix this problem.” She dodged a spinning kick and held a cupcake to him. “Have a cupcake!” she reached behind his head and tugged his mane. His mouth opened almost automatically and she stuffed it in, closed his jaw, then moved it up and down for him.
He shrugged her off with a flailing of her limbs and she just grinned at him with a familiar, terrifying smile that would haunt his dreams. That moment was also when he moved his tongue across the baked amazingness in his mouth. The taste was divine and, once again, he giggled while falling over. This time he didn’t expose himself, he wasn’t even affected the same way, but he made for an awkward, yet positive sight.
“Thif, if da beft fing Ah’ve evow tafe’ted.”
“There’s more where that came from! What’s your name, new bestest friend?”
He moaned quietly while getting back up, so Sweetie Answered. “He’s Snickers, he’s from far away; but if you wanna know more you’ll have to talk with Rarity because she said only adults need to know about these things, but I know I’m adult enough to know the difference, but she won’t tell me anything because…” she stopped when she noticed Pinkie wasn’t there. A clatter of metal pots and pans broke the serenity of the moment, then Pinkie ran out of the kitchen and to the foals.
“Here you are! Three smoothies, a muffin, and a cupcake,” Pinkie said gleefully, “enjoy! I’ve got some serious partying to do.”
Snickers finally gathered his wits and looked at her. “You’re gonna party and not invite us? Rude.”
“What? Me, rude?” Pinkie pointed to herself and grinned manically. “Never, my little pony. This is a party everypony will be dying to attend.” He leaned back and slid under the table, curling around his tail and petting it. “What got into him?” Pinkie asked, shrugged, then hopped away humming a happy tune.
“Hey, ya doin’ okay?”
“Pink monster… those eyes, always watching. So many eyes, always watching, never blinking, never a moment alone.”
Apple Bloom looked above the table at her friends and the all sagged in defeat, slipping under the table with him. “There, now. Ya don’t have ta worry, she’s just really happy.”
“And she likes to make others smile and have fun, too! Right, Scoots?”
Scootaloo tapped her chin and looked at some gum wadded under the table. “Well, it was kinda weird how she kinda got a red haze behind her, her eyes seemed like portals into the darkest depths, and her voice took on that vibrating deep tone when she talked to him about ponies dying… but other than that, she’s pretty cool, Snickers. Get over it and join us up top,” she placed her forehooves on the cushion and was yanked back down by her tail.
“Hey, watch my tail, it’s sensitive, Apple Bloom.”
Apple Bloom whispered harshly. “Ya gotta head harder than a cider barrel if ya think yer helpin’, look at what ya did to him.” Looking down, Scootaloo grimaced at the colt that was sucking his hoof and whining. “He doesn’t like Pinkie yet, so help us get him outta here. We’ll take our drinks ta go.”
Snickers mumbled unheard. "Not scared of Pinkie. Those eyes, that smile... just like him..."
Scootaloo raised a forehoof, paused, then nodded. “Got it. Hey, Pinkie?!”
“Who needs some to go cups?” Pinkie asked, appearing from beneath the bench Scootaloo and Sweetie were sitting on. A loud yelp from Snickers was all the warning they got before he gasped and fell to his side.
“Snickers?! Is he dead? What do we do?”
“Everypony, stay calm… we trained for this. We trained for this!”
Pinkie lifted the table and watched two fillies panicking over the colt while Sweetie sat in place chanting a steady mantra. “Wow, if this is a ritual sacrifice for to go cups, you’re going about it all wrong! Where’s the glyph calling to the dark god of syrups, or to the emperor of the coldest realm, Hag’n Da’as; ruler of all that is sweet, cold, and creamy?
“Silly fillies, he just passed out from terror brought on certainly by unknown means unrelated to anything, anypony, or anyone in our universe and timeline could ever understand,” she slid Snickers from the floor onto her back and gestured for the fillies to follow her.
“Wh-where’re ya takin’ us? Is he gonna be okay? Do we have ta call some emperor from another dimension ta help us, really?”
“Psh, no! Only if you want the best to go cups filled with the most amazing ice cream ever! This colt just needs some warm air and this single ice cube.”
Once outside, Pinkie pulled an ice cube from under her leg and held it, steaming in the sunlight. She turned him to the side and blocked the view of what she was doing, but they could still see his face.
Their worry grew with each passing second until his eyes opened and he screamed in a very adult way that sounded nothing like a filly running from a bee toward her friends.
“What the fucking shit is your problem you walking pink fart factory?! Who the hell shoves anything there! Ugh, I feel sick; it’s still cold! Owie, owie! Get it out!” he screamed between swearing and sat down, scooting on his rear. “No, don’t you fucking come near me! I need a toilet! Lord, face fuck me for all the wrongs I’ve done! Just get me away from her,” he turned and ran away leaving dozens of ponies gawking as he ran.
Most eyes turned back to Pinkie, who would turn more pink if she could have after that. “I… did not expect that reaction. Here you go, girls. Don’t use that language, I’ve gotta wash my ears out with hot water and an extra foamy bubble bath,” she said flatly and walked backwards into a bush.
The CMC watched him turn a corner, then looked back at the unmoving bush, then to one another. “Ugggh, do we have to get him? He’s more trouble than anything in the history of ever.”
“Yes, Scootaloo, we do! He’s part of my family now, and think about it; what would you do if Pinkie put an ice cube in your back there place?” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo inhaled sharply and clenched, dropping their tails to hide themselves. “Exactly.”
“Okay, you don’t have ta be so graphic. That’s some mighty bad imagery ya gave us just now.”
“There’s a lotta things I’d do, but putting ice in there isn’t one of them.”
The other two looked at Scootaloo, who blushed. “C’mon, let’s go find him before he starts more trouble that can be traced back to us.”
Taking the lead, and a smoothie in her foreleg, Scootaloo walked on three legs in the direction he went while sipping her fruity goodness. “Ah wonder… if he doesn’t drink his smoothie, maybe we could share it?”
“No way, Apple Bloom! That’s my nephew’s and I won’t let you drink it if you’re thinking about it. He needs all the food he can get so he grows up big and strong.”
“I thought he was your brother?”
“Nuh-uh. I thought he was her cousin.”
Sweetie sipped her drink and shook her head. “No, see; Rarity adopted him…”