*This is the version of Chapter XXI that does not contain any acts that may be considered mature content. If you would prefer to read the more mature content, you are able to by reading the cheeky version of this chapter.*
You felt your heart nearly beat out of your chest as Rainbow Dash pulled you up to your hooves. Your face felt incredibly flushed and it was obvious that Rainbow Dash has noticed.
"I guess this must be the highlight of your day, huh?” she taunted and buried her muzzle into your neck. As she lightly nipped your neck, you unwillingly released concise sighs of pleasure. However, the entirety of her actions were only making you more uncomfortable with every passing second. Suddenly, she pulled away, having left you disappointed and slightly relieved. But it was blatantly clear that she was not yet finished with you, as she still held your hoof in hers. That, and her facial expression created a distinct message of her intentions.
"We've had a long day, right? Whadaya say we hop into bed?" she condescendingly asked. Although you didn’t exactly know by what she meant when she said “we,” sleep was something that you would definitely have taken advantage of. It would've provided you with an escape so that you could’ve evaluate today's events. Although still somewhat vexed, you managed to reply.
"Y-yes, I'd like to go to sleep now."
She simply giggled at your response, no doubt because of the shakiness in your voice. Still having a firm grasp on your hoof, she began to lead you up her stairs. It was then that you suddenly realized what she had meant by "we.” You planted your hooves in the ground and pulled back from Rainbow Dash from what you thought was bound to be the inevitable. As soon as she felt your hoof release her grip, she immediately reacted.
"Hey, what's the matter? Aren’t you tired?" she asked, with a hint of disappointment noticeable in her voice. Quickly, you replied, "Y-yes, I am. I'll j-just sleep down here t-tonight. You can sleep in your bed!" When she sighed, you knew that she would not leave you be.
"What? Don't be crazy, there’s plenty of room for the both of us," she reassured you. However, her reassuring tone seemed rather unnerving to you. She slowly trotted over to you and took a hold of your hood once more. At this point, you found it easier to accept it, for you knew this was not a fight you'd win.
It was also one you didn't wish to win.
As Rainbow Dash lead you through the corridor of the hallway, your mind was rampant with various thoughts and emotions. Any ability of being able to focus was drowned out by the sound of your heartbeat. The sporadic, disorganized rhythm was merely a part of what had caused you to become perplexed.
My heart is racing and my hooves are shaking. But... why am I enjoying this? Perhaps I shouldn't question it. Nopony else has ever shown intimacy to me before. Maybe this is what the feeling is like. It's a hesitant feeling of pleasure...
"Well, what are ya waiting for? An invitation?"
Her voice pulled you back into reality as it had done so many times before. Before you was Rainbow Dash half-way underneath the blanket, who suggestively patted the space next to her. You warily trotted over to the opposite side of the bed, and slowly lifted the sheet. As you climbed in, you made sure to keep plenty of distance between the two of you. However, Rainbow Dash was there to make sure your plans failed.
"What do you think you're doing? You're gonna fall off the bed if you sleep on the edge."
Hoping to diffuse the imminent conversation that was bound to spawn, you quickly spat out, "I'm fine." After you finished your sentence, you heard Rainbow Dash shuffling about. Your hopes that she was simply readjusting herself were destroyed when she turned you over to press her lips against yours. Unlike last time, she kept her eyes open and stared into yours. Having forced to keep eye-contact had not done any justice to your composure, as you felt your wings spring open once more. As soon as Rainbow Dash broke contact with you, she commented on their state.
"Jeez, anything will set 'em off, huh?" she mocked, only further humiliating you. She noticed what her remark had done, as you turned your head away in shame.
"Hey, I'm only teasing. Look, I know you've never had a fillyfriend before, or maybe even shared a bed before. But this is how it is. You don't have to feel embarrassed around me. Besides, don't tell me ya don't like it," she taunted once more. You opened your mouth to respond, but having done so only left you open for another attack by Rainbow Dash.
As she pushed her lips further down this time, you felt your muzzle heat up in an instant. Having caught you by surprise, your eyes were wide open, while she had shut hers. However, after a few seconds of holding the kiss, your eyelids lazily fall halfway across your eyes, and a moan escaped you for Rainbow Dash to hear. Finally, she released you and began to giggle at the noticeable blush across your muzzle.
"Have I ever told you how cute you look with that look on your face?" she sneered. Again, it seemed she only stated these remarks to mortify you. Without your consent, she coiled her hoof around your neck and began to slowly drag you closer to the middle of the bed. You did not resist, for you couldn't. She had infatuated you, and you had no problems with it.
"I bet you never felt that good before, huh?" she asked, seemingly proud that she managed to make you feel so exhilarated. She had whisked you away and overloaded your senses with pleasure. At this point, you were completely exhausted and you hoped that Rainbow Dash took note of that. Without warning, Rainbow Dash moved away from your near-numb body, jumped off the bed, and reached for something in her closet.
You were about to say something, but whatever thought was in your head was immediately pushed aside as you noticed the cyan Pegasus putting on a black mask that only left holes for her eyes and her muzzle.
Rainbow Dash looked at you suggestively. “Let’s get started for real this time. Are you ready for round two?” The blue Pegasus said as she jumped back on the bed and pinned you down, kissing you violently.
This kiss was different from all the other ones. It felt like a fight: a fight that you were losing. Instead of the tongue-probing that she incorporated earlier, she now took turns in biting your lips, and even tried to get a nip at your tongue. You pulled her off your chest in order to stop the assault. “Rainbow Dash... what... what are you doing?” You asked the Pegasus mare desperately, who now looked more like a burglar than the Rainbow Dash you had grown used to, which made you very uncomfortable.
“Come on, I know you like it!” Rainbow Dash blurted angrily.
Without a second thought, you rolled off the bed and fell on the soft floor next to you. Rainbow’s face contorted into a frown as she saw that you were trying to get away from her. You backed towards the door and watched in horror as you saw her reach into the same closet to pull something out. You didn’t wait to see what it was, however. You reached to the doorknob with the intention of escaping, but suddenly, a sharp, distinct noise invaded your ears.
You froze as you realized what Rainbow Dash was holding. It was a knife. A standard kitchen knife, the type that could be found in most households. The blade glistened in the moonlight that came from the window.
“Alright, now we’re ready to get started!” Rainbow Dash said with enthusiasm. Again, the acute whining appeared again.
You didn’t need any more convincing. Whatever she planned to do with the knife would not end well. You swung the door open as fast as you could and bolted out the door, not daring to look back.
“YOU’RE NOT LEAVING ME ALONE LIKE THIS!” Rainbow Dash shouted from behind you. Your heart was now beating like the heart of a rabbit. You didn’t even take time to find a window, you just flew straight into the wall, thankfully coming out on the other side unharmed. Your problems were nowhere near over, however, as you noticed Rainbow Dash bolting towards you at a frightening speed. Seeing no other possibilities available to you, you let gravity pull you down towards the Earth, narrowly avoiding collision with the insane Pegasus mare.
You bolted down towards the Earth, trying to gain as much speed as you possibly could. You took a glimpse behind you, revealing Rainbow Dash gaining on you quickly.. You saw her shout something at you, but it was rendered completely inaudible by the noise of the wind around you. You suddenly remembered that you were flying downwards insanely fast, so you figured it was a good idea to look straight forward.
I’m about to hit the ground, I need to pull up! The command sent by your brain apparently didn’t reach your wings, as you were still plummeting towards the ground. Even worse, you could now hear Rainbow’s shouts behind you.
No matter how hard you tried, your wings wouldn’t budge. Is this how it’s going to end? Just as I was making progress, is this how it’ll all end?
You felt a tugging at your tail. Rainbow Dash had caught up with you. Still falling down, she turned you over with the knife ready in her hoof. The once sympathetic look in her eyes was now replaced with the look of a vicious killer. She brought the blade down and all you saw was darkness.
You found yourself covered in cold sweat. On the verge of hyperventilating, you noticed you were lying on a bed with a sleeping Rainbow Dash cuddled up beside you. It seemed that you now had time to focus on a thought, as you weren’t being bombarded by waves of euphoria.
What the hell was that? She tried to kill me! No, no. It was just a dream. No, a nightmare. But... it felt so real. No, it was just a fantasy... for the most part.
You heard Rainbow Dash beginning to stir and you turned to face her. She propped herself up on her leg and lazily smiled at you. She closed the distance between you and kissed your lips. You felt flushed, but you were able to keep your wings from being spread open, saving yourself another moment of embarrassment.
Alright, so it was not just a fantasy.
"You fell asleep after we finished," she announced.
Unsure of what she had meant, you asked, "What do you mean, 'after we finished?’”
She brought her free hoof up and poked you in the chest, saying, "After the massage, remember? You fell asleep right after you finished." Although you couldn't recall the memory, your dream was rather vivid and detailed. Simply recalling it was enough to spark the same tingling feeling within your wings. You noticed Rainbow Dash tilt her head to the side towards a clock on the nightstand next to the bed. It was far too dark for you to have read, but it seemed that Rainbow Dash was able to.
"What are you doing up so early?" she yawned. "Go back to bed," she said as she pulled the blanket over her.
I need to concentrate. This dream... It was trying to tell me something, I know it was!
Under the blanket, Rainbow Dash's hoof came up and pull you closer to her; close enough to your muzzle to rub against her cheek. You knew you wouldn't be able to concentrate now, especially since you were focusing on keeping your wings closed. After a few minutes passed, your aroused thoughts dispersed and you were once again able to focus, to some extent.
The dream. Rainbow Dash tried to kill me... What does that mean?
Your thoughts were once again dismissed when Rainbow Dash adjusted herself. Unable to keep attention to your thoughts, you were suddenly struck with an idea. Not wanting to waste any time, you lifted yourself from the bed but Rainbow Dash held on to one of your hooves.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to take a shower," you answered, waiting for her to release your hoof. As her grip loosened, you landed on your hooves and promptly left the room. While you made your way down the stairs, you stretched your wings and cracked your neck. Seeing as it was not quite yet morning, you were cautious while navigating the room. You've been in this area plenty of times to have developed a mental map. With haste, you entered the bathroom, finally having a moment of serenity for yourself. As you turned the water on, you entered the tub and felt the warm stream of water hit your mane.
Finally. A moment of silence and peace. I still can't understand what the dream was attempting to tell me. Rainbow Dash was dressed up as a burglar and she attacked me with a knife. What does it mean? And before that... Before I fell asleep...She...
Just the mere thought of the dream caused your wings to spread wide open after having kept them secured for so long. You let out a sigh as the water began pouring down onto your wings, cleansing them of the grime you've collected over the past day or so. Not to mention the recently-accumulated sweat.
Focus, dammit. Maybe it was just my consciousness trying to turn her against me again. No, it has to be more than that. There has to be more than just that.
Focusing solely by instinct, you reached for the bottle of shampoo. You squeezed a generous amount onto your hooves but the scent caught your attention. It was familiar, the scent of rain and freshwater springs. You did your best to look past the scent and applied it to your mane, scrubbing and lathering. As you washed the soap out of your mane, an idea had suddenly struck you. You knew who would be able to determine the meaning of your dream.
Sigmund! He would know. He'd know what my dream had meant to tell me.
Having realized your way of interpreting the dream, you quickly turned off the shower and exited the tub. You shook yourself to displace any water still dripping from your coat. After grabbing the nearest towel and swiftly drying yourself, you exited the washroom. As the steam escaped into the room, you felt refreshed and invigorated once more. The flight to Manehattan might not be as dreadful as you presumed.
It's still early, but by the time I arrive at Sigmund's new hospital, he should be there.
As you made your way towards the door, you felt that something was missing. It wasn't until you opened the door and stared into the dark blue sky and felt the early morning breeze upon your damp coat that you realized what it was.
What about Rainbow Dash? I can't just leave without telling her. No, the dream is none of her concern. Besides, I wouldn't want her to worry...
Another thought spawned in your mind, which pertained to your saddlebag. Before, Rainbow Dash had you remove your saddlebag which only ended up causing your paranoia to fester. Wanting to avoid that from happening once more, you quickly ran back inside to where your saddlebag was located and slipped it on. Once it was properly secured, you trotted out the door, quietly shut it and took off into the air. Confident that Sigmund would have the answer to your dream, you flew at a steady pace as to not strain yourself.
The light drizzle of the rain that began as you entered Manehattan did little to slow you down. Flying into the city, you slowly lowered your altitude as you saw no other ponies flying around: the last thing you wanted to do was attract attention to yourself. You kept your quickened pace as you took the route to Sigmund's new venue.
Sigmund, Rainbow Dash tried to kill me in my dream... No, that's far too blunt. I have to be subtle about this. But it's Sigmund. I can trust him. Maybe I should just tell him. There's no need to be secretive about this.
After a few more minutes of flying, you finally reached the new hospital, bearing the name Manehattan Medical & Psychiatric Institution in red, glowing letters: the dreary weather made them seem brighter than they normally would be. As you landed halfway up the steps, you slowly made your way up to the glass doors. There was a bit of a ridge above the doors, presumably to prevent rain from gathering at the doorway. Now being shielded from the rain, you firmly shook yourself to remove any droplets of water that had hung on to you. Luckily for you, the rain wasn't too heavy. As you pushed the glass door open, the cold breeze of the lobby quickly fell upon you. The smell of antiseptics was all too familiar; you had practically became accustomed to it in the old hospital. As you made your way to the receptionists' desk, you couldn't help but notice that the previous mare who you had spoken to before was no longer there. However, that wasn't going to make speaking with this new mare any easier.
As you approached the desk, your throat began closing up but you quickly cleared it and said, "I need to see D-doctor Sigmund." The brown-maned mare shot a smile at you, perhaps in an attempt to change your expression. However, only the retrieval of your memory had accomplished that, and it had done so briefly. She brought up a clipboard and began to scan it. After a few seconds, her smile slowly faded as she said, "Hmm, Doctor Sigmund's currently in a meeting. Do you have an appointment with him?" Now somewhat discouraged that you couldn't see Sigmund this instant, you became even more nervous. It suddenly began to feel that everypony in the lobby was staring at you; all four of them. As you attempted to gather some confidence, you spat out, "Look, j-just tell Sigmund that..." You whispered your name in anxiety and continued."Wants to speak with him... I’m an old pa-patient of his." you finished.
The mare immediately replied, "Will do! Please take a seat over there," as she motioned to the seating area, "I'll call you when he's available." Hesitantly, you made your way to the cluster of chairs, benches, and pillows and chose the seat furthest from anypony else. Unfortunately, to your dismay, a mare walked over to the seating area and took the seat right next to yours. You cursed under your breath as she took her seat and attempted to maintain your composure.
Just look forward and wait. Keep looking forward, and keep your mind blank... Sigmund better hurry with his damn meeting.
Minutes passed and you heard nothing from the mare at the receptionists' desk. You started to become both impatient and agitated, but you figured that it could be worse.
I could be standing outside in the rain, getting drenched and practically submerged in rainwater... Or I could still be in bed with Rainbow Dash, next to her warm-
"Excuse me?"
As you were snapped out of your somewhat suggestive thoughts, you realized that it was the mare seated directly next to you that had spoken.
Nevermind. This is as bad as it gets.
"Could you pass me the Mare's Health magazine please?" she asked as she pointed towards the magazines scattered across the table before you. Although you were still rather anxious, you quickly did as she asked to prevent any further communication. She thanked you as you gave it to her, ending the brief conversation between the two of you. The awkward silence that usually came after a conversation for you soon settled and you were now much more anxious to meet with Sigmund. As you kept your vision focused on the rain outside, you heard the mare beside you put down the magazine. You were afraid that she would try once more to spark a conversation with you. Although, the announcement of your name quickly made you realized that you were being called to the receptionists' desk. You quickly lifted yourself up from your seat and trotted over to the mare behind the desk.
"Doctor Sigmund will see you now," she said as she ended her statement with your name. Without any hesitation, you began to make your way to his office. You were able to remember the route you had taken last time.
Just down the hall, to the left. Second door down.
As you walked down the corridor, you finally reached his office. His door was slightly ajar, so you firmly pushed the door open to see Sigmund writing in what you could only presume it to be a notebook of his. Without looking up, he greets you.
"Hello," he began, stating your name, "This was a surprise. I believe there is still a couple of days before your scheduled visit. Have you forgotten, or is this another pressing matter that you wish to discuss?"
You simply responded with, "The latter." As you shut the door behind you, you trotted over and took a seat in one of the chairs adjacent to Sigmund's desk. After you sat yourself down, Sigmund dropped his pencil and turned his attention towards you.
"Very well then. What is it you would like to talk about?" he questioned.
"It's about a..."
Suddenly, you stopped and were unable to continue. This was your chance to tell Sigmund about the dream you had last night but you couldn't. You froze up, powerless to speak. Your mouth hung open with nothing being said. Sigmund took the opportunity to speak.
"About what? Please, do not feel afraid to tell me anything you wish to speak about."
A lump formed in your throat as your mouth became dry. As you looked up towards Sigmund, you saw him clicking his hooves together as he waited for you to proceed. In an attempt to calm yourself, you took in a deep breath of air and quickly exhaled. Once you had gathered your thoughts, it became clear why you couldn't tell Sigmund about your dream.
Rainbow Dash... I can't betray her. I can't betray her trust. If I tell Sigmund that she murdered me in my dreams, I would be alienating her. Turning her into a scapegoat for my nightmares. Sigmund would believe that she's hindering my progress. But... if I don't tell Sigmund, I'd be betraying his trust. Ah, damn it all!
"Sigmund, I..." you began. He seemingly became much more attentive than before, as he slowly leaned in closer. Again, you forced yourself to breathe in and out again before continuing. You had to make a choice as to who you placed your trust in more; the pony who's tried to help you for nearly your entire life, or the mare you've fallen for. Having one of them sit right before you did not make it any easier for you to decide either.
"I've recovered a memory."
You had chosen Rainbow Dash.
Sigmund's eyes shoot open as he realized what you had just admitted. "A memory?" he asked. "A repressed memory?!" he asked once more. He quickly rummaged through his drawers and pulled out, what seemed to be, a worn-out notebook. He flipped to the end of the book, and prepared himself to write down whatever you would say next. He slammed the drawer shut and motioned with his hooves for you to continue.
"Well... I can't say for sure how long ago it was... Or how old I was. I know that, in the memory, I was young. Very young. And... somepony who I believe was a friend of mine."
Sigmund quickly scribbled down your words too quickly, it seemed. How he would be able to read it later was a mystery. Nevertheless, you continued to retell your memory to Sigmund, carefully choosing your words as to not reveal too much.
"These two colts, most likely my age, were taunting her. So, I... told them to leave."
Sigmund chuckled and said, "That was quite altruistic of you. Anyway, please, continue." You brushed Sigmund's remark away, and proceeded again.
"She told me her name and I told her mine..."
"What was her name?"
Sigmund's question had caught you off-guard. His sudden interest in Rainbow Dash's name was unsettling. Without giving it much thought, you responded.
"Her name... Well, uhm... I can't remember."
Liar.
Sigmund kept writing, or rather scribbling for a few more moments before asking another question. This meeting was starting to become more of an interrogation with every question that Sigmund asked.
"And, how do you know that this was a memory, and not just a dream?"
Sigmund's question had left you uncertain about the validity of your memory. You were sure that your memory was actually of an event that had occurred, but you were unsure as to how to prove that to Sigmund.
I can't tell him that Rainbow Dash was able to confirm it either. He might start asking more and more about her.
"The memory just... felt familiar. That is how I know," you responded, as you attempted to keep your bold tone. Sigmund moved back to his journal and continued to scribble down notes. After a few more seconds, he began again.
"And what brought upon this resurfacing of your memory?" he questioned.
Again, you would have to lie in order to protect Rainbow Dash. As you took a few seconds to think of reply, Sigmund prepared himself to take note of whatever you would say.
"I'm not exactly sure. I saw something that I believed I might have seen before, and the memory just spawned.
As he had done before, Sigmund wrote down what you said, or rather lied about, and dropped his pencil once he had finished. He studied the notes he had taken before him and proceeded to stand up. He rubbed his chin before he began to speak.
"Well, it seems that you've finally been able to recover a memory. As you yourself have most likely realized, this is a huge advancement towards your recovery. Although we cannot currently verify if the memory is actually real or not, I find it rather unlikely that you would have begun to create false memories. If that were the case, that would have begun much earlier. Some stimulus, that you might or might not have been able to identify sparked this remembrance of your memory. Of course, I suggest to subjecting yourself to this stimuli again, whatever it was. However, I will advise you again to be careful. As we've discussed before, there is the possibility that the, bombardment if you will, of memories might produce negative feelings and emotions, due to the fact that we're not sure what your past holds. Tell me, what did you think of recovering this memory? Did you find it pleasant?"
I'm not confident that 'pleasant' is the proper word here.
“I suppose it was. Obtaining the memory made me somewhat elated, but I cannot say that the process I went through to recover the memory was,” you explained. Instantly, Sigmund began his response.
"Hmm, so you did not recover this memory within a dream? Then, if you will allow me to make an assumption, you recaptured this memory through a flashback, yes? You relived the memory, so to speak?"
You nodded and replied, "Yes, something of that nature I believe."
"Then, I encourage you to further unlock your memories through this process."
Before Sigmund could continue, a light 'beeping' noise could be heard which came from an alarm on his desk. He shifted a few papers around and picked up what seemed to be a clipboard. He muttered something to himself before turning his attention back towards you.
"I must apologize," he said, "but it seems I have other pressing matters to attend to. I wish we could continue to discuss this, but I am afraid I must leave this instant." He proceeded towards the door as you stood up from the chair. He opened to the door to leave and asked you, "You know where the exit is, correct?" You nodded and he spoke once more.
"Good. Again, do not hesitate to visit me if for any reason whatsoever. Until next time," ending his response with your name. He walked past the door and has left you behind in his room. With a deep sigh full of guilt and regret, you exited his office and made your way towards the entrance of the hospital, with hope that you wouldn't have to participate in any more conversations with anypony inside the hospital. As you walked out of the building and into the light spring showers, you spread open your wings and took off, returning to the small town who's name escaped you yet again.