It took four more teleports. Sweet Apple Acres was on the opposite side of Ponyville from Dr. Fauna's office and Fluttershy's Cottage. Even hyped with adrenaline, I felt every single teleport as a huge load of exhaustion as I punched through the ethereal zephyr and drew heavily on the magic pulse. I still had no idea how I'd teleported from Tartarus to the school in one go, though I had discovered frostbite that required treatment after we'd handled Cozy Glow. I slept two days straight not long after Chancellor Neighsay left and that hinted at a clue. Adrenaline, the gathered magic of the denizens of Tartarus, and alicorn magic—that wasn't so different from dark magic—had probably done the trick, together with a need to protect my friends from the rigors of intra-spacial travel.
I willed myself towards alicorn magic, thinking of a blanket over AJ, but it was no use.
Four regular unicorn teleports.
That landed me amongst the manicured trunks of AJ's precious orchard, near the tree line. I collapsed in a heap, frost steaming from my hide. Some alicorn I was! Panting, I squirmed so I was mostly hidden. I could easily see the barn. The corner of the farmhouse had collapsed down from the roof where something massive had struck it.
I heard a roar and something came growling from the far-side of the barn. That something was the wheeled box Apple Bloom had mentioned.
Canterlot High AJ drove one of these, though hers was red and a totally different design. She called hers a pickup truck.
The cab on this machine seemed to extend toward the rear, so it was a utility truck. Princess Celestia could enter this one and ride with her knees bent. The truck's shell was painted a dark green, not black, judging by the white exposed where the front end had been smashed, undoubtedly having skidded into the house. The thing had two eyes, which I knew were lanterns, set to either side of what looked like the barbecue grill AJ used for her vegetable cook-offs. The wheels were black, very round, and gnarled, which explained the pairs of wagon tracks literally gouged into the loose soil all around the farm. Judging by the damage to the house and guessing that the vehicle was metal rather than wood, I calculated a mass of a couple celestial tons, which meant the energy budget of the magic motor or steam engine that ran the thing had to be enormous.
I'd never had to evaluate the machines as a danger before, but now I recognized it was basically a quarter-sized locomotive that didn't require rails.
Whomever drove the thing seemed intent on making the greatest amount of mess. A cloud of dirt sprayed out as the driver fish-tailed to a halt outside the farmhouse.
One of the creatures jumped out just as another, no two others, stepped onto the veranda, ducking their heads because of the comparatively small door height. They shouted at one another. It wasn't Ponish. It wasn't any language I'd heard before, and I had traveled much of Equestria and beyond during the last ten years. Equestria's influence had pretty much made Ponish the de facto standard language as far as Mount Aris. Even the Stormking and his yeti had spoken it. Surprisingly, the girls on the other side of the mirror had spoken Ponish; that paradox required investigation, but I put it aside.
The invaders did look faintly pig-like and were as pale and colorless as Apple Bloom described. I judged that Celestia's nose would reach neck level on the specimen I focused upon. He probably massed five times as much as AJ, or more than twice Big Mac. And, while his blue workpony pants thoroughly covered him, something about his flannel shirt—muscles visible where he had rolled up his sleeves, and the short messy shag of his hair below a massive black hat that resembled AJ's—made me sure he was a stallion not a mare. All of them. All stallions. They varied, really, only by the shade of their shirts, the shade of their brown or black manes, and their headwear. All wore hats. One wore a billed cap. The driver. That one was anomalous bright red, more like an apple than the red of blood.
As they gesticulated at each other, blood and red made me think of AJ. One of them tackling me would likely subdue me, unless I used magic. She was probably in the house, or the barn. If she was alive.
My body went cold at the thought and nausea tried to push itself up.
The driver walked over with a giant claw-sized pair of black conjoined cylinders. Together, the group walked to the end of the veranda and one of the pig-things put the cylinders to his eyes. Binoculars! Giant-sized for giants, their magnification had to be literally astronomical.
Then I chilled again. He looked towards Ponyville.
The sun began setting in the west as if Celestia had sensed a danger to her little ponies. All the pig-things startled and yelped. One jumped over the railing to the dirt to get a better look around the farmhouse, as some rushed out of the farmhouse and two others thrust open a barn door.
Then, Big Mac showed up.