Moondancer’s robes aside, Night Dog was not impressed with their new equipment. “You really expect to fight demons in this?”
“It’s pretty basic, but the stats are good,” Spike said. “It’s better than our old stuff if you just look at the damage of the weapons or the defense from the armor.”
“Do you know where we could get better?” Bon Bon asked.
Night Dog scowled. “The place I know got trashed. But everyone knows you need demon-bone weapons to fight major demons. Steel and wood won’t even scratch their hide.”
“So if we had a demon-bone weapon, we could take out the invincible demon?” Bon Bon asked.
Night Dog frowned. “Not as long as he has Twilight. Her aura protects him from demonic attacks.” At their expectant looks, he explained. “She’s a powerful shrine maiden. When we hunted demons together, she used to enchant her bow with holy power – it could purify any demon with a single shot. But the demon that captured her twisted that into an aura that ‘purifies’ demonic weapons used against him.”
Derpy scrunched up her face. “So… the weapons we’ve got are exactly as good against him as the special demon-bone weapons you want us to use?”
“Exactly as useless,” Night Dog said, rolling his eyes. “And there are more demons than just him to worry about.”
“More major demons?” Spike asked.
Night Dog nodded. “More than you’d think, especially with Twilight trapped. I try to keep them in check, but it’s harder on my own.”
“But there are some minor demons around?” Spike said, looking to Night Dog for confirmation. When he nodded Spike smiled. “I think I know what we have to do...”
===
The demon village looked a lot like a mortal village… because at one point, it had been one, until the village ward failed and the demons moved in, driving out the original inhabitants.
There was no replacement anti-mortal ward, so the heroes were able to just walk right in through the front gate. It wasn’t even guarded. Or closed. Or put back on its hinges.
“Yeah, they don’t need guards,” Night Dog said. “They’re all demons. Anything that can threaten them wouldn’t bother walking through the gate.”
“Except us!” Derpy said.
She was answered by hissing, coming from all around, and spotted movement in the shadowy interiors of the surrounding buildings, and the alleyways between the huts.
“Don’t underestimate them,” Night Dog said. “If I wasn’t here, they’d probably have already attacked.”
A pair of giant serpents slithered into the street in front of them – one glowing bright blue, the other a shiny green.
“That’ssss far enough,” the blue one said. “Your kind issssn’t welcome here.”
“We’ve come to bargain!” Moondancer announced, thumping her staff against the ground firmly.
The green snake responded by leaping right at her. A solid thwack from her stick sent it reeling back, and then Spike was in front of her, fending it off with his shield.
“Stop!” Derpy said, hovering ten feet up. “We’re here to talk!”
The blue snake spat poison at her face, but she turned her head to take it on the eyepatched side, keeping it out of her eyes. It sizzled and blistered her skin as it ran down her cheek, and she fired her crossbow wildly in its general direction.
“Enough!” Night Dog said, brandishing his sword which suddenly grew to massive size. He slashed at the snakes from far out of reach, and the air rippled as a shockwave shot down the street, hitting the blue snake and slicing it into dozens of squirming, bleeding pieces.
The green snake backed away from Spike, and glowered hatefully at Night Dog. “We won’t forget thissss!” It turned tail to run, only for Moondancer to peg it in the back of the head with a magic missile – a frying pan, to be precise, which clonged against its snakey skull and laid it out unconscious. Bon Bon appeared from the shadows, burying a paring knife into its back, severing its spine.
“That’s not how this was supposed to go,” Derpy said, nibbling on her muffin and looking around at the shadows, where more snakes slithered and hissed but didn’t dare attack. “We were just going to trade them for their shed skins.”
“And now we’ve got skin, blood, bone, and teeth,” Night Dog said. “Much better raw materials.”
===
A metal bar wrapped in green snakeskin, crossbow bolts tipped with bone, and a set of tiny knives carved from the blue snake’s crystalline scales.
“It’s not fair,” Spike said. “All your weapons are cool.”
His shield and armor had been coated in scales and skin respectively, like the staff, but there was no realistic way to turn any of the materials into a workable sword. Maybe the blacksmith in town could have managed it, but even he was specialized in metal.
So Spike had a club-axe thing, made of snake jawbones with a spine for a handle. The fangs jutted out dangerously, and if he’d been some sort of necromancer or maybe a barbarian, it might have been on theme. “This isn’t really a knight’s weapon.”
“You aren’t really a knight,” Bon Bon said.
“Technically he is,” Derpy said.
“Yeah, I was knighted in the Crystal Empire,” Spike said. “Big ceremony and everything.”
“What?” Moondancer said. “Why didn’t I ever hear about this?”
“Because you don’t live in the Crystal Empire?” Spike said. “I’m kind of a big deal there.”
Derpy nodded enthusiastically. “There’s a giant statue!”
“What did you do to get knighted?” Bon Bon asked.
“I saved the whole empire from Sombra,” Spike said. “There I was – Twilight trapped, the evil clouds of gloom closing in all around, and it was up to me alone to carry the Crystal Heart to safety…”
“And then he tripped,” Derpy said. “And dropped the Heart, and they were both falling with all the crystal ponies watching… and Princess Cadance swooped in and saved them both.”
Spike looked at the ground, and rubbed the back of his head. “Er, yeah… that part wasn’t –"
“But Spike got the credit, because swooping in to save the day is just what princesses are supposed to do,” Derpy continued. “Dragons, though – dragons are supposed to *eat* crystals! So only a hero dragon would carry it long enough to trip over a dark crystal and drop it out of the sky.”
“Can you imagine what they’d think if they saw me waving this thing around?” Spike asked, waving it around.
“The crystal ponies aren’t going to see you waving it around,” Moondancer said.
“Are you sure?” Spike said, looking around nervously. “What if this world really is a game, and there’s a big game board in Lyra’s basement with us walking around as pieces, and everyone’s gathered around watching us as we go through the story?”
“Then they would have rescued us by now,” Bon Bon said.
“Unless they reeeeeally want to see how the story turns out,” Derpy said, frowning.
“No,” Bon Bon said. “No one’s watching.”
There was quiet, and they stared at the fire for a bit.
“Huh,” Spike said, “I was sure someone was going to sneak up on us, after a line like that.”
===
“So explain this part again,” Night Dog said. “You know our weapons are useless against the invincible demon, but you want us to attack him anyway?”
“You said he doesn’t kill his challengers,” Spike said. “So we’ve got nothing to lose!”
“Except our dignity,” Night Dog snarled. At the unanimous round of shrugs and chuckles, he relented. “Ugh. Fine. I’ll go fight him again if you really think it’ll help.”
“Remember, we need to make it look good,” Spike said. “Don’t hold back!”
Night Dog growled, and started to transform – growing larger, and fluffier, and much more canine. His hooves split like a goat’s, with viciously sharpened tips, and claws protruding from his ankles, pointing backwards. He took his sword in his teeth – and stabbed it into the ground next to him, sinking it two feet into the solid rock. “Let’s go,” he growled, through a mouth full of fangs.
“Aren’t you going to use your sword?” Spike asked.
“If I use my sword, he’ll use his sword,” Night Dog said. “Trust me, you don’t want him to use his sword.”
Spike frowned, glancing at his ridiculous jaw-axe. “But we can use our weapons, right?”
Night Dog growled, “There’s no point, but sure, knock yourself out.”
They approached the cave. Night Dog threw back his head and howled, then shouted, “Destroyer of Hope! Get out here and face me!”
A pair of glowing red eyes appeared within the cave. “Go away,” said a surprisingly gentle voice. “I’m not in the mood to fight you.”
“Then give back my Twilight!”
With a heavy sigh, the eyes closed, and the Invincible Demon, Destroyer of Hope, slowly emerged from the cave. He was a wolf, twenty feet high at the shoulder, his super-fluffy fur blowing in an invisible breeze. As his gaze swept across the group that stood before him, they felt it press them back with almost physical force. Moondancer levitated her staff out in front of her to part the invisible energy flow, while Spike held up his shield. Derpy was forced back a few feet, before shifting her wings and swooping as though in a headwind.
“Impressive, for mortals,” the invincible demon said. “But you should really flee. If you stay to fight, it will not go well for you.”
“We’re not afraid,” Derpy said proudly. “The Great Muffin is with us!”
“Also, Night Dog,” Moondancer said.
“I told you I already lost to him once,” Night Dog complained. “Don’t count on me to do your work for you.”
“So which of you should I defeat first?” the Destroyer of Hope asked.
Spike stepped forwards. “That’s usually my job,” he said, smirking. “But we fight as a team.”
“Pathetic,” the invincible demon said.
“You use a mortal’s help, I get to use a mortal’s help,” Night Dog said. “And you know that Twilight’s worth more than the three of them put together.”
“Very well,” the demon replied.
…and then Spike was flying through the air, batted aside contemptuously by a giant paw, until Moondancer’s magic gripped him and flung him back at the giant wolf, which was leaping into the air to take out Derpy. Spike splatted against his side like a pegasus trying to punch down a mountain.
But the wolf’s jaws didn’t close around their healer, despite the speed of his attack. Derpy soared, following the air currents, and they swept her aside and out of his reach. He landed gently on nothing, turning to jump again from his perch in midair, only for Night Dog to grab his tail and fling him back into the ground near the cave. “Don’t forget about me!” he snarled.
===
Meanwhile, Bon Bon made her way deeper into the Invicible Demon’s cave. It wasn’t the most difficult place to sneak into – it wasn’t even that hard, really. It was cluttered with treasures and knick-nacks and the ordinary things that any household needs to make a cave livable; there were even tapestries on the walls, which was basically begging someone to sneak around behind them.
There also weren’t very many demons. She only spotted one – off in a side cave that looked sort of like a stable – before she got to what had to be the main living area, since it was the only part of the cave with light.
If she hadn’t just snuck in through a passage of natural stone, Bon Bon might not have recognized that the chamber was underground. The walls were smooth and covered in white plaster and illustrated scrolls, with a floor of pale stone tiles carved with flowers and vines. Mats and low tables were placed around the room, and in the back was what looked like a shrine to a fancy sword. In the middle of the room was a giant birdcage, where a pony rested on a purple cushion, while a beam of white light shone down on her from no clear source.
But it wasn’t Twilight. Or at least not Twilight Sparkle. Bon Bon approached, after a second to process her disappointment. This might make things harder.
“Twilight?” she asked, quietly.
“Oh!” the pony said, sitting up quickly. She was a pale green pegasus with a black mane, wearing a simple white dress. “If you try anything I’ll scream,” she said, her eyes focusing on Bon Bon’s knives.
“I’m not here to kill you,” Bon Bon said, although it occurred to her that that would, in fact, solve half their problems. It would make the other half potentially unsolvable, however – this Twilight was the only one who could work the well, if Night Dog could be believed.
“If you’re here to rescue me, I’m afraid the Destroyer of Hope has made that impossible,” she said, with a sigh. “If any living thing passes the cage’s threshold, he’ll know immediately, and you have no idea how quickly he can move when he stops playing around.”
“Then I suppose it’s Plan B after all,” Bon Bon said. She took a bundle, and passed it through the bars.
Twilight unwrapped it, revealing a steel sword, a lead-cored stick, and a bundle of crossbow bolts.
“Bless them, please,” Bon Bon said. “Holy weapons can slay a demon, and won’t be stopped by holy protection.”
Twilight flinched back, withdrawing her hoof as if the weapons were poison.
“What’s the problem?” Bon Bon asked.
“You’re going to kill him?” she said, in a soft voice.
“We’re going to beat him down until he stops fighting and lets you go,” Bon Bon said. “It’s up to him if that’s before or after he dies.”
“Holy power is torture for demons,” Twilight said, looking at the ground. “Even my aura is like bathing in a sea of fire – a wound from a holy weapon…”
“Would you rather stay here forever?” Bon Bon asked, palming a small knife in case the answer was ‘yes’, and she had to move on to plan C. Which was still not killing Twilight, she reminded herself. “Please, I don’t have much time. My friends are fighting your captor as we speak, with no way to harm him.”
===
Spike let up on his fire breath, and Derpy dropped him to the ground, continuing to circle the gigantic muffin she’d just had him bake.
Well, muffin was a misnomer – it was more like a giant muffin top, made by roasting a huge pile of batter. Without a muffin tin, you couldn’t really bake a proper muffin.
“How long do you think that’s going to –” Spike started to say, stopping to hold up his shield as half-baked bread and batter splattered from the monstrous pastry as it exploded, followed quickly by a half-conscious Night Dog. Apparently he’d lost the grappling match before the batter had set.
“You thought you could stop me with bread?” the Destroyer of Hope said, softly, but his eyes were hard and his fur was flickering with literal flame.
“We were all out of fruit, or we’d have baked you a pie!” Spike shouted back, not peeking from behind his shield as the ground beneath him started to wear away just from the demon’s presence.
Jaws closed around his shield and tore it from his grip. Spike cringed and closed his eyes as the painful wind pouring from the demon scourged any bit of exposed scales, and felt his armor loosen as the straps and padding began to rot away around him – and had no way to dodge as a giant paw pinned him to the ground, and tons of weight pressed down on his chest, stopping his breath and slowly crushing the life from him.
“Get off him!” screamed Moondancer, and then the pressure let up.
Spike opened his eyes to see the Destroyer of Hope staggering to the side, the paw that had been pinning the little dragon held now to his face, where the wizard had just whacked him with a gnarled, leaden-cored stick… that now glowed with holy power. Moondancer took another swing at his face, and the Invincible Demon leapt back to the cave mouth, growling.
Spike felt something press against his empty claw where he’d dropped the useless jaw axe, and closed his fingers around a familiar sword, also glowing now. Without a shield, he took it in both hands, and grinned at his enemy as he got to his feet. “Now we can start the real fight.”
“Or you could surrender,” Derpy said, aiming her crossbow, a shining white light glowing from the bolt’s tip. “We’re just here for Twilight.”
“A true demon doesn’t back down in the face of death,” the Destroyer of Hope growled. “If this is to be my end, then so be it. But I won’t go down easily!”
He leapt at Spike, snarling, paw outstretched with fearsome claws, and a demonic aura of pure malice extending several feet from the physical limb… but Spike dodged the paw and slashed through the aura with his holy sword, following through with a scream as he brought the sword up into the Invincible Demon’s armpit. It sliced through the demon’s flesh like a fan parting smoke, and the severed limb flopped and skittered across the rocky ground. Purple, noxious blood spurted from both ends of the wound, eating away the rock and splashing over Spike in a poisonous wave.
Already off balance from the lack of resistance from his swing, Spike staggered and fell as a wave of weakness passed over him. His sword clattered to the ground, and he felt his armor shift and melt off his body, as a slowly building pain spread from the places the demon’s blood had touched, turning his blood to ice.
“Spike!” Derpy shouted in despair, firing her crossbow. The flash of holy light that shot from it failed to even pay lip service to gravity or wind, and splattered harmlessly against the cliffside above the demon’s head, missing him completely.
“Stop this!” Night Dog shouted, leaping in front of the heroes, standing over Spike protectively. “We’re not mere demons, brother! We can be more than power and rage!”
“Easy for you to say,” the Destroyer of Hope said, pulling himself up on three legs. “You were always more pony than demon!”
“And yet hundreds of demons have fallen to my claws,” Night Dog said. “You’re beaten, brother. Stand down before you get yourself killed for your stupid pride!”
“Give him an antidote!” Derpy hissed to Bon Bon, the two of them tending desperately to Spike at Night Dog’s feet, not wanting to interrupt their family drama. Bon Bon lifted the unconscious dragon’s muzzle to show the red-striped candy already resting on his tongue. Derpy whinnied. “Give him another one then!” Bon Bon poured out the whole bag of candies into Spike mouth, holding his muzzle closed and lifting it up to try to get him to swallow some.
Despite their attempts at discretion, the Destroyer of Hope was distracted. He sighed, and shrank down into the form of a small demon pony, like a paler, masculine version of Moth. With only three legs. “He’s been infected with my miasma,” he explained. “Only Twilight can save him now.”
“Then we’re done fighting?” Derpy asked, still pointing her crossbow in his general direction.
He nodded, and the winds gathered beneath Spike, lifting him into the air to follow the formerly invincible demon into the darkness of his cave.
===
“So this was all a big misunderstanding?” Spike asked, sitting on a mat around a large low table that Destroyer of Hope had had his servants drag into the middle of the room, after he’d disintegrated the cage as a symbol of Twilight’s freedom. They were having tea, cookies with jam, and little cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Spike was still too sick to eat anything, although at least he wasn’t dying anymore.
“Not really,” Twilight said, still staring at the floor, unwilling to meet anypony’s gaze. “He was already the strongest demon in the land, but he wanted to be completely invincible. He thought Night Dog was wasting my power.”
“What’s the point of being invincible if you’re stuck living in a cave?” Moondancer asked.
“In time, she would have come to love me,” the Destroyer of Hope said, sipping his tea.
“Yeah, that was never going to happen,” Night Dog said, crunching up a cookie in two bites and taking another.
There was a brief silence, broken only by the sounds of food and drink.
“So, um,” Spike said, uncomfortable in the relative silence. “Sorry about your foreleg? It’ll grow back, right?”
“No,” Destroyer of Hope replied.
The silence returned.
After a minute or so, everypony stood up at once. “Alright, this has been fun, but we’ve got to get back to the future,” Bon Bon said.
“Yeah, really important, um, quests and stuff. To do,” Derpy said, heading for the exit with the others – and Twilight, and Night Dog – close behind. “Have fun not being invincible anymore bye!”
The Destroyer of Hope remained seated, watching them go, then took another sip of tea.