I paced around in my dorm room. It was late afternoon, a few hours after exams were over. The grading process was over, and a copy of my report card had been sent to me and my family in Ponyville.
The results: one C, two D’s, and three F’s, including transformation. My parents had received the report card and were worried about it. As I pranced around the room, the hoofheld mirror on my desk vibrated. A call. I sat at my desk and looked at it. It was from my parents. I answered the call. “Hello?”
“Lux, it’s good to hear your voice!” Mom’s voice echoed from the other side.
“Yeah, how’s school going, Lux?” Dad chipped in.
“Well, as you know…,” I said with a sigh, rubbing my eye with a forehoof, “we took our midterm exams today. Didn’t do too well on them, to say the least.”
“Oh yeah, about that,” said mom with a dry voice, “Lux, it seems that there is a problem with your studies. You got… let’s see, one C, two D’s, and three F’s. Is something bothering you again?”
“No, it’s just… it’s just the studies themselves. They’re kinda making my life hard,” I answered, trying to not show the built-up emotions of sadness and despair. I couldn’t break down, not when I was talking about such serious matters.
“Well, if they’re making your life hard, then maybe you ought to keep trying. Study more, try harder, you know the drill,” said mom, her tone telling me that she genuinely believed in what she said.
“Yeah, try harder. Right. As if I’m not trying my best right now. Seriously, why does bucking everyone tell me to push myself to the limits when I’m already pushed to the limit?” I said, sarcasm and annoyance dripping from my words.
“Lux, I’m being serious. Clearly you’re not achieving your goals, and the easiest thing you can do right now is to work harder.” Her voice was a bit more stern now.
At that moment, I snapped. “Well, as if somepony would think that staying up until three in the morning, plus skipping breakfast, lunch, and break time just to get more time to study isn’t working hard enough! Everypony tells me the bucking same thing: just study harder. Yeah, you know what? I’ve heard that exact shit from all of the teachers and my classmates. I don’t need you to make me hear the same bullshit a hundredth time!” I yelled into the mirror, not caring the fact that my voice was cracking.
I panted. An awkward silence hung in the air. No doubt my parents were shocked by my little outburst.
“I… I gotta go. I’ll call you back,” I said, ashamed by my rage and wanting to end the awkward silence. I hung up before my parents could say anything. Then I slid out of my desk and headed over to the bathroom.
I stood up on my hind legs, leaning into the sink with my forehooves. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. Unkempt mane, dark bags beneath both eyes, a quivering left lower eyelid… my entire face practically screamed sleep deprivation and excessive stress. I began to turn away from the mirror. I didn’t want to see my reflection anymore; I didn’t want to risk punching my own reflection in the mirror.
Suddenly, a voice spoke, “So, Lux, you’ve failed. You’ve failed yourself, your parents, and everypony else. Congratulations.”
Surprised, I looked around the room. There was no one in the bathroom, nor my room.
“Over here,” the voice said, “in the mirror.”
I slowly turned to face the mirror. There he stood, my own reflection.
“Well, well, well, surprised, aren’t you? It’s not everyday you get to see your own reflection talking in the mirror. Well, Mr. Cognito, as I said earlier, you’ve failed.” With that, the reflection turned into a spitting image of Professor Top Marks.
“Wha—” I said, stunned by the sudden transformation.
The image of Professor Top Marks turned into Lemon Hearts. “I mean, you’re just a stallion without a cutie mark. What did you expect when you joined this class, Shux?”
“I, I don’t—”
“Well, it’s not surprising, considering he was going crazy, talking to his bird and whatnot. Heck, he should have been grateful towards me for rescuing him from the source of the madness, and look what he did! He kicked me out of the school!” Boss Gang spoke from the mirror.
“You…!” I growled, as rage filled my insides.
“Well, don’t worry. The cyanide made quick work of him, so he didn’t suffer much,” said Boss with a snicker.
“Enough!” I screamed as I swung my right forehoof at the mirror. The mirror cracked. Boss’s image disappeared, and so did the voice. In the mirror was, once again, a reflection of me. But it wasn’t normal. I looked at the fractures in the mirror. The left side of the mirror had been cracked to Tartarus, but the right side was somehow intact. When I refocused on the reflection in the mirror, it looked hideous. On the right side, an intact reflection of a pony. On the left side, an image of a pony that was so warped and distorted that I could barely call it my own. It looked more like a pony-shaped demon, trying to engulf the other half that was intact.
I snorted in disgust and turned away. The Sun was, as always, going down in the west. As I watched, a thought wormed its way into my mind.
What’s the point of all this? Even if I somehow managed to raise my grades, which doesn’t seem likely at the moment, what will come after? I still don’t know which path I should take. Who can guarantee that once I’m through this suffering, everything will be okay? Who can say that I will be happy after I graduate? I asked myself. And I knew the answer to it. No one. Nopony knows better about me than myself, and yet I don’t know what will happen myself.
Heck, I don’t even have a cutie mark. When I first came here, I thought I was talented in magic. Turns out I wasn’t. I was just lucky at the time. Then, what else am I good at? I questioned, but came up with no answers.
I… I really don’t know what I should do at this point. I can’t quit: my parents have high expectations for me, and I’ve failed them too many times. Quitting would just make me a failure. No, I’ve come too far to quit. But then, what should I do? ‘Cause working harder doesn’t work, and it’s not like I can back up to lower-level subjects. The only way is ahead, and yet… I don’t know how to go forward. Heck, I’m not even sure if I can go forward. Maybe I should ask for help. But ask who? ‘Cause no one at this school’s helping me out, and my parents don’t understand my situation one bit. Well, I’m on my own again, ain’t I?
As I reached my conclusion, I heaved a sigh. I felt alone again. Just two months after the incident with Boss’s gang, and I was on my own again. I missed home. I missed my family. I missed mom, dad, Aurora, Echo, everypony who I considered close while growing up.
My body felt like it was made out of lead. It was already the middle of the night. Tired of my own thoughts, I slid myself into bed.