In the pocket dimension of Chaosville, Discord was going about his morning routine with gusto. He was dusting his living room (applying copious amounts of dust to every surface), whistling a jaunty tune as he did so. Once the room was to his liking, he popped into the kitchen for his usual morning pick-me-up; a cup of lava, extra sugar.
"Ahhh." He sighed after taking a long sip. "That really hits the spot." As he said that, steam plumed from his nostrils. "I can already tell this is going to be a great day."
After finishing his drink, Discord transported himself to the bathroom. Producing an oversized comb, he started brushing his mane... And his horns.
"Lookin' good, pal." He told his reflection.
"Right back at ya, handsome." The reflection answered. "And look at the time." He produced a pocket watch. "If you're quick, you can get some facetime with Fluttershy before she heads off to teach at Twilight's school."
"Good point, me." Discord nodded. "I'll head right over."
"Tell Fluttershy I said 'hi'!" The reflection waved.
Discord vanished from bathroom, and reappeared outside Fluttershy's cottage.
"Knock, knock!" He crooned as he tapped on the door.
"Come in..." Fluttershy's voice, notably croakier than usual, answered.
"That's odd." Discord frowned. "And not the kind of odd I like, either..."
Opening the door, Discord entered the cottage. Fluttershy was lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, and looking quite feverish. Angel was tending to her, feeding her some soup.
"What's wrong, Fluttershy?" Discord asked, his voice full of concern.
"Nothing too serious." Fluttershy put on a brave face. "Just a touch of the Feather Flu. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Discord frowned. "I'm sure I could whip up a miracle cure for you."
"That's okay." Fluttershy turned him down. "I just need to rest for a while."
"Well, if that's what you want..." Discord said reluctantly. "But what about your teaching position at Twilight's school? What are all those poor students going to do without your expert tutelage?"
"I'm sure Twilight and the others will think of something." Fluttershy declared. "I'll just write a note for Carrie the carrier pigeon to deliver to them..."
"No need to trouble yourself." Discord stopped her, an idea coming to him. "I'll tell our friends about your unfortunate ailment."
"Thank you, Discord." Fluttershy smiled. "It's so good to know you're covering for me."
"Oh, yes." Discord grinned. "Covering for you. Well, off I go! Feel better!"
Discord vanished, leaving Fluttershy to lie back on the couch. Angel readjusted her cold compress.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy's friends were gathered in the teacher's lounge of the School of Friendship.
"Where's Fluttershy?" Applejack frowned. "It ain't like her tah be late."
"Probably some last-minute animal trouble." Rainbow shrugged. "You know how that Angel can be."
Discord appeared between the two on the two-seater, squishing them against the sides.
"Close, but way off." He said nonchalantly.
"You do know the teacher's lounge is for staff only, darling?" Rarity frowned.
"Yes, yes." Discord waved a paw dismissively. "But I come bearing unfortunate news. I'm afraid Fluttershy has fallen ill, and will not be able to teach today."
"Oh, no!" Pinkie gasped. "I'll have to remember to throw her a 'get well' party..."
"And I've got to get somepony to cover Fluttershy's class." Twilight frowned.
"Don't look at me." Rainbow shook her head. "My schedule's packed."
"Mine too." Applejack added.
"Sorry, darling, but I'm sorely lacking in free time also." Rarity apologised.
"I'd cover for Fluttershy, but I've got to teach my own class party cannon maintenance." Pinkie declared.
"So maybe this will be a little trickier than I thought." Twilight frowned.
"No need to worry about that." Discord appeared in front of Twilight. "For I have graciously decided to teach Fluttershy's kindness class while she's indisposed."
There was a moment of silence, as all eyes were on Discord, the ponies and dragon gaping in surprise.
"BWA-HA-HA-HA!!" Rainbow Dash burst out laughing. "You? Teach a kindness class?" BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
"I'm getting a distinct sense that you doubt my abilities in this field." Discord frowned.
"And with good reason." Spike stated.
"None of us have forgotten what happened the last time ya got involved in the school." Applejack scowled.
"Oh sure, let that live forever." Discord pouted. "Whatever happened to letting bygones be bygones?"
"Whatever happened to atoning for your mistakes?" Rarity countered.
"Ooh. Low blow." Discord winced.
"Surely you understand how we're not so eager to let history repeat itself?" Twilight pointed out.
"Do you really think I would purposely ruin the class of my dearest friend in all of Equestria?" Discord asked. "I'm hurt. Really I am."
"Guilt trip?" Pinkie frowned. "Seriously?"
"I didn't start this, you know." Discord shot back. "Besides, you said yourselves that none of you can cover Fluttershy's class."
"But you don't know the curriculum." Twilight noted.
"I think I know Fluttershy well enough to hazard a guess as to how she teaches." Discord insisted. "Besides, how am I to atone for my mistakes if I never have a chance to do so?"
"He kind of has a point." Pinkie pointed out.
"And we are pressed for time." Spike looked at the wall clock. "There's barely ten minutes before Fluttershy's class starts."
"Ugh, okay." Twilight glanced. "Since we don't seem to have much of a choice, I accept your offer, Discord."
"We do?" Rainbow frowned.
"Wonderful!" Discord grinned.
"On one condition." Twilight said firmly.
"Name it." Discord smiled.
Moments later, Twilight was walking down the school's corridors, joined by a disgruntled Discord and Starlight Glimmer.
"I hardly think this is necessary." Discord pouted.
"This would be your first time teaching a class." Twilight pointed out. "It wouldn't hurt to have Starlight provide you with a little guidance."
"Keep an eye on me, you mean." Discord sneered.
"I wouldn't put it quite like that." Starlight chipped in. "Think of me as your very own teacher's aid."
"That does sound a little better..." Discord admitted.
"And this is for Fluttershy, isn't it?" Twilight pointed out. "Because you want to help her out?"
"Of course." Discord nodded.
"Then you'll want to make sure you do as good a job as possible, right?" Twilight pressed.
"Obviously." Discord glared, hurt at the implication he would want anything less.
"Then you wouldn't mind getting a little help from a friend, would you?" Twilight smiled.
"...No." Discord grumbled.
"Great." Twilight nodded. "Then we're all set. Starlight will help you out, and hopefully, provide me with a glowing report at the end of the day."
"I'll do my best." Starlight nodded. "We both will. Right?"
"Right." Discord said grudgingly.
"Okay then." Twilight smiled. "Then I'll leave you to it. Good luck." She added, saying it more to Starlight than Discord.
Inside Fluttershy's classroom, the students were waiting for class to start.
"It's not like professor Fluttershy to be late." Ocellus frowned.
"Yeah." Sandbar agreed. "Hope she's okay."
To the students' collective surprise, Discord appeared, flanked by Starlight, and wearing a tweed jacket over a cardigan and corduroy trousers.
"Hello, students!" He announced. "Are you ready to learn?"
"Ah, jeez." Gallus groaned. "Not this guy again."
"Well, that's a fine way to greet your substitute teacher." Discord frowned.
"Draconequus is substitute?" Yona cringed. "Really?"
"I'm afraid professor Fluttershy is at home with the feather flu." Starlight announced. "And Discord has... graciously offered to teach in her stead."
"He's not gonna sic another Bugbear on us, is he?" Smolder asked cautiously.
"Hang on to that the rest of your life, why don't you?" Discord scowled.
"Don't worry, everycreature." Starlight stepped forward. "Discord is going to be on his best behavior today. Aren't you, Discord?"
"Oh, yes." Discord nodded. "I'll be the second-best kindness teacher you've ever had."
"That isn't really saying much, since Professor Fluttershy's the only other kindness teacher we've ever had." Silverstream pointed out.
"And since when are you any good at teaching?" Gallus said dismissively.
"I taught you to appreciate your teachers more, didn't I?" Discord smirked.
"Yeah, like that was your plan all along." Smolder sneered. "The only thing I learned was that I should aim my sneezes in your direction the first chance I get."
"I'm tempted to use one of my feathers to help with that." Gallus smirked.
"Okay." Starlight laughed nervously as she recognised the annoyed gleam in Discord's eye. "Let's get this class started. Professor Discord, what do you have in mind?"
Discord reigned in his anger, and smiled.
"I'm so glad you asked." He declared. "I have something special in mind, just in case there are those who still doubt my teaching abilities. Since Fluttershy makes a habit of bringing animals to class for students to take care of, I thought I'd follow suit."
"That is good thinking." Starlight admitted. "As long as the animal in question isn't too..."
"Dangerous?" Discord finished. "Perish the thought. But I think you're going to find it most... Exotic."
Discord snapped his class, and rabbit-shaped clumps of dust appeared in front of each student.
"Are those...?" Starlight frowned.
"Dust bunnies!" Discord said proudly.
"I'm not sure these technically count as animals." Ocellus spoke up, as she leaned in close to examine her charge.
"Ooh, careful!" Discord snapped his class again.
In a flash of light, the students found themselves wrapped up in safety padding, with helmets on their heads, and sitting on piles of pillows.
"Uh... What's all this?" Sandbar frowned.
"Safety first." Discord announced. "It wouldn't be very 'kind' of me to risk you getting hurt."
"While looking after dust bunnies?" Starlight said incredulously.
"You never know." Discord insisted. He snapped his claws again, and seatbelts emerged from under the pillows, wrapping the students tightly. "There, one final touch. Now you'll all be perfectly safe, no matter what. How very kind of me, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yeah, sure." Smolder deadpanned.
"Wonderful." Discord grinned. "Now, let's get into taking care of these little darlings."
"Taking care of them?" Gallus frowned. "They're little piles of dust!"
"Now, now, you'll hurt their feelings." Discord chided him. "You must not pay attention in this class, young Griffon."
Gallus scowled irritably.
"Now then, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?" Discord mused. "Ah, yes!" He snapped his claws, and a tiny comb appeared in each student's hoof/claw/etc, with plastic bags filled with what seemed to be dirt also appearing by their sides. "They need to be fed and groomed."
"Seriously?" Smolder frowned.
"Yes." Discord nodded. "Brush them with the combs, and feed them little bits of dirt. That'll keep them happy."
The students reluctantly followed Discord's direction.
"So this is your idea of a kindness lesson?" Starlight asked Discord. "Wrapping the students up in safety gears, and getting them to look after piles of dust?"
"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but... yes." Discord shrugged.
Starlight raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, what are you gonna do?" Discord scoffed. "Tell Twilight I made the lesson too tame? Somehow, I doubt she'd be too upset."
Starlight rolled her eyes in annoyance.
Meanwhile, the students weren't exactly enjoying the lesson.
"Yona bored." Yona sighed, half-heartedly brushing her dust bunny.
"And I thought Headmare Twilight's history lectures were dull..." Gallus yawned.
"Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to miss the Bugbear." Smolder deadpanned.
"Yeah, that would definitely be a step up from this." Sandbar joked.
"Come on, little bunny, eat up." Silverstream tried to "feed" her bunny some dirt. The dust formation simply tied over at the attempt. "Ugghhh! This is so pointless!"
"Is there a problem, miss Silverstream?" Discord asked.
"Yeah!" Silverstream nodded. "The problem is that you're having us tend to balls of fluff!"
"She's right!" Another student agreed. "This is totally boring!"
The students made it clear they shared the same opinion.
"Boring!"
"Yawn-fest!"
"Totally dullsville!"
"Looks like the majority have spoken." Starlight smirked, trying and failing not to take pleasure in the situation.
"So, dust bunnies are too dull for you, eh?" Discord frowned. "Well, lucky for you, I have a backup..."
Discord snapped his claws, and the dust bunnies disappeared, replaced by large, brightly colored insects, with big, cute eyes (not unlike a Parasprite), large antennae, and shiny shells.
"Whoa, cool!" Sandbar grinned.
"Awww!" Silverstream cooed. "They're so cute!"
"And friendly." Smolder added, as her's nuzzled against her leg.
"Big-eyed bugs are cutest!" Yona smiled.
"They sure are." Ocellus added.
"What are they?" Starlight asked.
"These are Scuttlebugs." Discord announced.
"Okay, these are slightly less boring than the dust rodents." Gallus nodded, as his Scuttlebug jumped up and down on his outstretched talon.
"Taking care of them is easy." Discord smiled. "Give them lots of cuddles, they're drawn by bright lights, don't overfeed them, their shells are sometimes mistaken for flower petals, you can calm them down by stroking their antennae, and above all, be gentle with them!"
"Can you repeat some of that?" Ocellus asked, readying a pencil.
"Yes, yes, in a moment." Discord shrugged. "But right now, it's feeding time!"
Small bags of berries appeared next to each student.
"These little guys love berries." Discord revealed. "Go ahead and give them some."
The students eagerly followed Discord's instruction.
"Scuttlebug like berries, huh?" Yona beamed as she fed her Scuttlebug.
"Eat up, little guy." Sandbar smiled.
Silverstream's Scuttlebug devoured an entire blueberry in seconds.
"Somecreature's hungry!" Silverstream gasped. "You want more?"
The Scuttlebug nodded, using its big eyes to give Silverstream a puppy dog look.
"Aww!" Silverstream squealed. "Who could resist that?"
"These little guys eat berries like I eat gems." Smolder chuckled.
"But not as messy." Gallus joked.
"Or as loud." Ocellus added.
Discord and Starlight watched as the students happily fed their Scuttlebugs.
"Nice recovery." Starlight declared grudgingly. "Maybe you should have started with the Scuttlebugs."
"I prefer to save the best 'til last." Discord shrugged. "Just wait until everypony hears about this..."
As Silverstream fed her Scuttlebug another berry, something happened. The little creature started shaking and chattering.
"Klk-klk-klk-klk..." It buzzed.
"What's wrong, little guy?" Silverstream frowned.
The other Scuttlebugs started acting the same way. They leapt out of their student's hooves/claws/etc, and started shuddered on the floor.
"Um... what's going on?" Starlight asked Discord.
"This shouldn't be happening." Discord frowned. "Not unless..." he noticed all the empty berry bags on the floor. "Wait, did you give them all the berries?"
"I thought we were supposed to." Sandbar pointed out.
"Not all at once!" Discord groaned. "But now you've overfed them! And I specially said not to overfeed them!"
"You did?" Gallus asked.
"Yes!" Discord yelled. "Didn't you hear my instructions?"
"No." Ocellus declared. "That's why I asked you to repeat them."
"Oh." Discord cringed.
"What's going to happen?" Starlight asked.
"Well, all that berry juice in their systems is going to send them on the insect equivalent of a sugar rush." Discord revealed.
As if on cue, the Scuttlebugs rushed under the doors, and out into the school corridors.
"We've gotta catch 'em!" Smolder yelled. "Before they get all over the school."
The students rushed out of the room, after the Scuttlebugs, Discord and Starlight after them.
"You know, you could just round up all the Scuttlebugs in an instant." Starlight pointed out.
"I could." Discord admitted. "But what kind of teacher solves the problem for their students?"
"You've gotta be kiddin' me..." Starlight groaned.
The students tried to catch the Scuttlebugs. While their bright colors made them easy to spot, their berry-boosted movements meant they weren't so keen to be contained, leaping out of the students' hooves/claws/etc.
"Hold still!" Gallus yelled. He grabbed one Scuttlebug, but it wriggled out of his grip and leapt away. "Aw, come on!"
"Chill out, little guys!" Sandbar begged.
"Scuttlebugs stop!" Yona urged. As the brightly-colored insects crawled around, she found herself trying not step on them. She moved as quickly as she could, sidestepping and hopping over them, until she lost her balance and fell on her side. "Whoa!"
Ocellus transformed herself into a Scuttlebug.
"This way, fellow Scuttlebugs!" She tried to lead them.
The Scuttlebugs weren't fooled, and Ocellus was almost trampled as they charged past.
"How the heck are we gonna stop these things?" Smolder snarled in frustration.
"Wait..." Silverstream wracked her brains, trying to recall what Discord said. "...I got it!"
She flew over to one of the walls, where a Scuttlebug was scuttling around in circles. She reached out and stroked one of the Scuttlebug's antennae. The colorful little insect immediately calmed down.
"Crrrr..." It chattered happily.
The Scuttlebug dropped off the wall, landing in Silverstream's outstretched claw.
"Whoa." Smolder gaped.
"How'd you do that?" Sandbar asked.
"I remembered what Discord said about the Scuttlebugs." Silverstream declared. "Stroking their antennae calms them down!"
"Nice memory." Ocellus smiled. "I knew I should've taken notes..."
"You heard the Hippogriff!" Gallus told the rest of the class. "Let's get to calming!"
The rest of the class set to work, finding every Scuttlebug and calming it down. Before long, they were all gathered together, carrying the docile Scuttlebugs in their hooves, claws, etc., and cuddling them.
"We did it!" A Unicorn student cheered.
"You certainly did!" Discord smirked as he and Starlight arrived on the scene. "Well done, students. Top marks all around!"
Medallions with A plusses appeared around the students' necks.
"I hate to admit it, but he's right." Starlight said grudgingly. "You all did great."
"What about all the poor little Scuttlebugs?" Silverstream asked.
"Oh, leave that to me." Discord snapped his claws, and the Scuttlebugs vanished. "There we go. Right back to where I found them."
"What's going on here?"
Twilight and her friends rushed into the corridor.
"What was all that noise?" Rarity asked. "And what is this mess?" She pointed the ruffled carpets, and walls covered in Scuttlebug prints.
"And why are the students outta class?" Applejack asked.
"Corridor lessons?" Pinkie suggested. "Maybe I should try that sometime..."
"Let me guess: this has something to do with Discord's 'kindness class', right?" Rainbow glared.
"I'll admit my lesson got a little out of hoof." Discord admitted. "But these bright and attentive students of yours remembered what I told them, and handled the problem with ease."
"Is that true?" Twilight asked Starlight.
"More or less." Starlight shrugged.
"So... how did you like Discord's lesson?" Spike asked the students.
"It was a little dull at first, but then it was actually kinda... fun." Smolder admitted.
"We learned a lot about the Scuttlebugs." Ocellus acknowledged. "It was really quite fascinating."
"Scuttlebugs cute!" Yona added. "And maybe Draconequus not so bad after all..."
"And really sweet." Silverstream smiled. "Once you know how to handle them..."
"It was definitely memorable." Sandbar declared.
"I've been in worse classes." Gallus shrugged.
"Speaking of which, you should get to your next lesson." Twilight instructed.
"Indeed." Rarity agreed. "I have quite the Generosity class planned."
The students followed Rarity down the corridor, some waving to Discord as they departed.
"Well, how about that?" Discord smirked. "Looks like I taught a pretty good kindness class after all. Even if things didn't go quite according to the lesson plan."
"Oh, please." Starlight scoffed. "You had this all planned out from the start, didn't you?"
"Maybe. Maybe not." Discord grinned mischievously.
"...This is all because I laughed at you, isn't it?" Rainbow groaned.
"Now, Rainbow Dash, do I really seem that petty?" Discord gasped theatrically.
"Ya don't really want her tah answer that, do ya?" Applejack deadpanned.
"Point taken." Discord shrugged. "I can't wait to tell Fluttershy all about my success as a substitute teacher. Ooh, she'll be so proud of me!"
"You did okay, Discord." Twilight admitted. "Maybe we could put your name on the substitute teacher list after all..."
Really?" Discord grinned.
"She said 'maybe', not 'definitely'." Spike pointed out.
"Today was a good start." Starlight declared. "And the students seem to be taking a shine to you. But let's not walk before we can crawl."
"Whatever that means!" Pinkie added.
"Eh, better than nothing." Discord shrugged. "Just try to think of me the next time you need a sub."
"I think we can promise you that much." Twilight nodded.
"Fantastic." Discord grinned. "I'll get to work on my next lesson plan as soon as possible."
With that, Discord vanished.
"So I guess this is gonna be a thing now..." Rainbow sighed.
"Maybe." Applejack groaned. "Let's just hope Fluttershy gets better soon..."
"I heard that!" Discord suddenly popped out from under Applejack's hat.
"Of course ya did." Applejack rolled.
"Seriously though, you know how to reach me?" Discord asked Twilight.
"Yes, Discord." Twilight rolled her eyes.
"Great!" Discord smiled. "Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll assist with Fluttershy's recovery. Since we all seem to want that so much..."
Discord vanished once more.
"Well, that... Happened." Pinkie said awkwardly.
"To be fair, it could have gone a lot worse." Starlight admitted. "A little more work, and who knows? Maybe Discord will make a decent substitute after all."
"Maybe." Twilight agreed.
"I wouldn't award him teacher of the month just yet." Rainbow scowled.
"When that day comes, Ah'll eat mah hat." Applejack remarked.
"And I'll add some whipped cream." Pinkie added. "Should go great with straw hat."
Twilight and her friends all laughed. It had been quite a day, and a little humor was always welcome. And with Discord around, there was bound to be more...