//------------------------------// // Fated match // Story: Mortal Enemies // by Loyal //------------------------------// "Step forward." The commanding voice issued not a request, or even an offer. No, it was more of a mandate. As if the hand of God himself compelled me forward, I stepped into the spotlight. Looking up at my judge, jury, and executioner, I swallowed hard. "Jordan Williams," The voice reverberated almost painfully in my ears. "You have been chosen as this decade's tribute. Your peers and friends have nominated you, on account of your strong inner will and keen mind. Do you have any objections?" I swallowed the fear in my throat, straightened my back. "None, Princess." "Very well. Your fate will now be revealed. What have you to say?" Again, I had to swallow as I met the piercing gaze of the god-like creature standing on a pedastal above me. "I want to say... Whatever fate may bring, I accept it willingly." Princess Celestia gave a curt, almost imperceptible nod. She turned to the shrouded board before me as a cheer began to pulse through the crowd. We stood on a stage raised above a crowd of millions, Celestia standing on a marble pedastal, me in my loose jeans and Brony t-shirt. I wore black sneakers. It wasn't good fashion sense. Still, I held my head high as a chant began to raise from behind me. "Loy-al! Loy-al! Loy-al! Loy-al! LOY-AL! LOY-AL! LOY-AL! LOY-AL! LOY-AL!" The reverberating sound pounded through my veins, made my fists tighten as I felt my brow break out in sweat. This was it. This was the moment of truth. The shroud was gripped in the powerful grasp of Celestia's magic as she tossed her head to the side. With a flourish and the sound of satin on cardboard, my fate was revealed. Silence fell, deafening in the abyss left behind. The last echoes of the crowd's chant rang in my ears as we all studied what was in store for me. "What is your birthday?" Celestia said, loud enough for all gathered to hear. "It's..." "SPEAK UP!" Her voice roared out, buffetting me with it's force. I slid back two inches, the spotlight adjusting to follow me. Straightening my back, I raised my voice, firm and loud. "August Seventeenth." Celestia turned her gaze back to the board. "Your fate is..." Silence once more. All eyes were fixed on the massive board before the crowd. Up top were each of the twelve months, followed by a short sentence. They contained simple things like "Be stuck on a desert Island with..." or "Take over Equestria with..." And below, a grid of thirty-one faces next to numbers corresponded to the day. My eyes found August... It read... Become Mortal Enemies With... Not good. I didn't want to be ANYone's enemy. My eyes flickered over the portraits. I found ten, began counting up... Twelve, fourteen... Fifteen... Sixteen... My eyes rested on the portrait of the seventeenth. Not even Celestia dared utter the name. Seconds passed. A minute. We all knew it, it was there, plain as day, staring me right in the face. I felt my chest tighten at the implications. "Your fate..." Celestia spoke once more, markedly more quiet than before. "Is to become mortal enemies with..." Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, all-powerful god-like creature who commanded the very sun, had to pause to swallow a lump in her throat. The next two words from her regal mouth might as well have been a death sentence. Or maybe a diabetes prognosis. "Pinkie Pie." "YIPEE!" The piercing, high-pitched voice made me wince. I watched as a curly-maned ball of girlish delight bounced over the heads of the crowd. People and ponies moved aside, allowing access to the bouncing pink pony. She bounded on stage, cartwheeled, snapped my hand up inbetween two hooves, and started shaking it roughly. "I've NEVER had an enemy before! I've only ever made friends and stuff! Ooh, do I get to fight you?! What does 'Mortal' mean, when it's used with enemy, I wonder?! Ooh, Princess Celestia, I'll do my best to make Jordan's life a living nightmare! Don't worry, I've never had an enemy before, but I think I can do it well enough! Wait, does this mean we're like, enemy enemies?! Like, not supposed to be friendly at all?! That's gonna be tough! I know! I'll start with this!" "What... OOF!" In the span of three whole seconds, Pinkie had shook my hand fifteen times, spoke a short speech, and turned around to plant both her back hooves into my stomach. As I began flying backwards, I saw Celestia blink. I thought I saw her lips form the word 'Mercy.' Pandemonium erupted. I flew backwards off the stage, skidding at least twenty feet across the floor. People tripped on their way to the point in space that was the furthest, though probably not the safest, from the bouncing pink equestrian citizen. My breath had fled somewhere between Stalliongrad and Trottingham, so I had no choice but to lay on my back as the first cupcake arced through the air. Icing filled my vision as it landed on my face with an audible splat. "Ooh! Bullseye! Let's try that again!" My breathing returned along with a rush of sugar into my mouth, and I frantically wiped the icing from my eyelids. Another heavy thump as a second cupcake hit my stomach. A third against my shoulder. "RUN!" I heard the command. Blinking my eyes at long last, I came to focus... Right down the barrel of a hissing cannon. "OH SH-" *BOOM* Confetti erupted into the air over my shoulder as I scrambled to my feet. "Aww! I missed!" Scrambling frantically, I fled the scene, chased by another cupcake and... Was that a baby alligator? Feet pounding over the concrete floor, I ran as fast as I could, panting as I weaved. Two cakes and a disco ball landed in front of me, having just barely missed my head. "Wow, this is FUN!" The she-demon whom I had been cursed to fight called out behind me, loading another disco ball into the cannon, with what appeared to be cake batter for powder. "This... This doesn't make any SENSE!" Another deafening boom punctuated my sentence for me as I was showered with gooey bits of funky decor. "ACK!" Sputtering against the uncooked dough, I ducked behind the stage, which was quickly peppered with three more confectioneries. "Aww! You're no fun behind there! Come out!" I scooped a handful of pink icing from the stomach of my ruined shirt, ducked out so I could fling the mess at my target. I missed by a mile. Too bad Pinkie Pie's accuracy with baked goods was the envy of even the most talented career military sniper. Only she was aiming for hilarity, and not my brain. She erupted into laughter as a full-sized pie broke over my face, completely covering me from brow to chin. "PBBTH!" Spitting cherries out and wiping the crust from my eyes, I turned and ran again. "Not good, not good, not good not GOOD! AUGH!" I was foiled as, rounding the corner, I came face-to-face with another hissing cannon. Diving to the side, my leg was peppered with... What was that, sprinkles? I rolled to my feet, covered in frosting and goop, thankfully finding refuge behind a massive concrete support beam. The hall was all but empty now, the millions of people having vanished in a panic. It was me and Pinkie, and she seemed to be armed with an almost endless supply of party favors. How do you defend yourself against an enemy whose main arsenal was standard bakery fare? You don't. You take a breath and... "RUUUUUUUNN!" I made for the nearest double door, showered with more confetti and a full-sized wedding cake. The groom figurine clattered across the floor at the same pace as me as I sprinted for the door. Leaping at the last moment, I kicked the door open, slipped on a wayward muffin doily, and slid down the front steps. Hesitant crowds saw the shower of bread and frosting coming my way and turned tail. "Yeah, thanks for the help!" I gasped, coming to my feet and rubbing a bruised backside. "Seriously! Stop it with the cupcakes!" I panted, taking another two to my left leg as I started limping away fast as I could manage. "Hee hee hee!" Pinkie Pie only giggled at my predicament. "I bet that hurt, huhn?! Am I doing a good job, Celestia?" I shot a look over my shoulder, spotted the regal princess hovering in the air above my worst nightmare. Her head hung with sadness, and she had to answer truthfully. "You're doing a fantastic job, Pinkie... And Jordan, I am so very sorry. Fate has spoken." "Oh come ON!" I whimpered, closing my eyes as the last bit of humiliation filled my senses. The force of what had to be the five-hundredth cupcake lifted me off of my feet, flung me backwards down the street. Spraying icing into the air with the force of my impact, I tumbled and rolled down the street, skidding to a stop as Pinkie Pie bounced over to me. "Ooh, that was FUN! We'll have to do it again tomorrow!" She bent over me, licking my cheek free of icing. "Ick." I groaned, wiping my cheek. "Yummy! Ooh, I wonder if I can make a bomb out of Chimicherries! I've got BAKING to do! See you tomorrow!" She bounced off, leaving my battered and weary body in the middle of the street. "Wait, tomorrow...?" I called after her weakly. "Well, yeah! We are MORTAL enemies now, right? DUH!" And in an explosion of glimmering confetti with grape juice, she was gone. Exhausted, I let consciousness leave me.