//------------------------------// // Staking a Claim Part 2 // Story: She Drives Me Batty // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// The last bell rang, and we were gone like the wind. The school was nothing but an empty husk as everypony chilled out front, figuring out what to do. I made my way through the crowd with a series of nods and smiles, but my eyes were always on the prize; our tree was swinging hypnotically in the wind—its sweet shade crooning for some thestral to fill it. “Enjoy your walk of fame?” Diamond smirked as I finally made it through the last few cliques to the edge of the school grounds. “About as much as I usually do.” My fillyfriend got a whole lot more than a smile and wave as I swept her up in a hug. “Sweet Nightmother above, I was this close to just hopping through their shadows.” “You know you love it.” She smirked and waggled her brow as she pulled back with a pop. “Maybe a little.” Drawing her in again with my wings, I rained a series of pecks and giggles upon her. “But I’d much rather be here with you and the girls.” “Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but you’ll have to settle for just me today. Silver’s stuck with an early shift, and the three stooges are off giving Lickity Split another intervention.” “Don’t tell me he’s licking all the ice cream before serving it again….” I resisted the urge to facehoof and rested my forehead on hers as we cuddled up beneath the tree. “It’s not that this time, thank Celestia. Bloom’s just peeved from having to clean up after him every time we throw a party in the barn.” “How does he even sneak that many tubs of sea salt ice cream in?” “I have absolutely no idea, and I really don’t want to know.” Diamond shivered, scooting closer underneath my wing. “So… it's just us, then?” I hrmmed. “Eeyup. Just us.” Glowering at a few whispering onlookers, Diamond sniffed extra imperiously. “We got a few harpies on us, but they don’t count.” “Pffft. Let them watch. We’ll call it instructional PT.” Waggling my brows, I leaned in for an extra daring snoozle. “You know, your Dad is a horrible influence on you. I remember a time when you would have run at the thought of somepony watching us; now, you’re into exhibitionism.” “Oi! You don’t get to lecture me about putting on a performance.” I nipped her ear a little harder as my neck burned black. “Quit flapping that silver tongue before I make you do it.” “I’d like to see you— Mmmmmmmmmmm….” Diamonds eyes glazed as I made good on my threat, and I grinned as the harpies huffed and walked off. Took care of two birds with one stone. I was on solfire today! “Come on, sleeping beauty. Wake up.” I nuzzled Diamond—eyes still glassy—until she found it in herself to return to the land of the living. “Ooooooh… Niiiiiiight…. You were supposed to hoofcuff me to the bed first….” “Well, sport, I had time to pick you up today, but I can see you’re busy, aren’t ya?” “Screep!” I immediately tumbled back from Diamond as Dad flew in laughing his flank off. “No, no! Do continue!” Dad waggled his brow at me. “I’ll go run interference by dragging your mom out to dinner.” “Dad!” I clutched at my chest as I lay gasping next to Diamond. “Yeeeeeeees?” He grinned at me like a loon under moon. “Not funny!” I flailed to my hooves and swatted him. “Who said I was joking, sport? I’ve always wanted grandfoals.” “Dad!” The swatting turned to slugging, but had little effect either way. “Teehee! You heard him, Night. We have an obligation now.” Diamond stretched as she stood, her saddlebags sliding slightly down her barrel as she arched her back. “Dad!” With one final thwap, my squeak went supersonic. “Fie. Ruin my fun, then.” Dad brushed his chest off with his hoof, rustling his wings as Diamond giggled. He winked at her before slugging me back, and I tried not to blush even harder. “You’d be singing a different tune if I was stuck defending you from a bunch of no-good colts, though.” “You’re a no-good colt,” I pouted. “Aye?” Dad laughed so loud a few of the students still lounging about looked towards the Everfree for some unscheduled clouds. “Why do you think I was so set to keep their nasty fangs out of you?!” “Mrgmff… whatever.” I stood and stretched. “Let’s just get going.” Nuzzling Diamond one last time, I leapt into the air after Dad. “So, how was your first day on top sport?” Side by side, Dad and I both took point towards the old one-room school house. “Any scuffles I should know about?” “Scoots and Rumble almost got detention for sparring already.” My wings skipped a quarter beat ahead of Dad as I snerked, but that was easy enough to correct on the next downbeat. “Other than that, there’s only really one fight brewing on the horizon. A transfer student.” “Hah! Bloody maggot has no idea what he’s in for, does he?” “No, sir.” I smiled, banking in a circle as we hit a thermal. “He’s got good taste in shrimp, though. Caught him trying to feed somepony seafood, so that was easy to fix.” “Mmmm….” Dad licked his lips. “I told you justice is to be savoured.” “Sometimes more than others.” I grinned. We glided down as our destination neared, a gaggle of troublesome twerps swarming about the playground as they waited for their parents. Mr. Book Binder was watching them from the door—dog-eared and bag-eyed, but smiling—and he nodded to us with a yawn as we landed. “Toughest foals I’ve ever had, Tempered. You were right.” The teacher hoofed Tempered a note before gesturing inside. “My wife tried to warn me about the glasses, but she didn’t mention anything about teleporting. Rolling’s been hiding up in the rafters all day.” Dad read the note, shaking his head. “Sorry about that. He seems to have a knack with the shadows, and a decent dose of solfire is more than enough to get him surging. Is he alright?” “He seems to be.” Adjusting his glasses and bow tie, Mr. Book Binder squirmed like a worm. “He was well enough to pop down and grab his brother a little bit before class ended.” “Sounds like he’s fine, then. If you don’t mind, though, Morning and I might purchase some extra drapes to donate to the schoolhouse.” Dad poked his head inside to glance around at the windows. “It’ll be better to be safe than sorry knowing those two; accidents happen, but enough sunlight might do some serious damage at Rolling’s age.” “Of course! Whatever you think will help.” Mr. Book Binder bowed his head. “I’ve been reading some books to help prepare me for any hiccups, but they’re all written by ponies who adopted thestral foals.” “Books aren’t going to help you here, Bookie.” Dad slapped him on the back with a rumbling laugh. “Trust me. The books didn’t help with Nightingale, and she was way better behaved than the twins.” “Those twerps have got nothing on me.” I puffed out my chest. “Tell you what.” Dad clicked several times to get a lock on Red and Rolling, his ears twitching as the two of us stepped inside. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to take Morning on a date. Have Cheerilee pick a nice restaurant, and Morning and I can tell you everything we’ve picked up on during the years. Sound good?” “That sounds perfect, actually.” Mr. Book Binder remained at his post, watching the other foals. “Wear dance shoes this time, though, will you?” “Hah! I learned my lesson the first time, Bookie. No need to always rub it in.” Dad let out one last click before pausing beneath one of the central rafters. Looking up, he smiled and waved at the shadows, chuckling when a pair of giggles echoed down. “Alright, boys. You’ve had your fun. You ready to come down, now?” Dad squinted. “You’ve already been plenty naughty today, so choose wisely.” “Daddy!” Red and Rolling both plowed into Dad with a squeal of laughter. “Where were you?! Why did you leave?! The sun got hungry when you left!” “I heard.” Dad chuckled as they crawled atop him, nudging them into line on his back. “Are you alright, Rolling?” “It tried to eats me!” Rolling instantly broke formation to bury his face in Dad’s neck. He couldn’t quite wrap his forelegs all the way around Dad’s neck, but that didn’t stop him from strangling Dad. “Why’d you and Mom go?” “Woah there, sport. Easy.” Reaching around to grab Rolling, Dad cradled him in one arm. “I’m here now. You were really brave. Do your eyes still bother you at all?” “N-no?” Rolling sniffed as Red climbed Dad’s neck to look down on his brother from on high. “I helped make it better! He wanted juice!” Red beamed as he wagged his tail while perching atop Dad. “Juice helped.” Rolling nodded, feeling at his glasses. “Shade help more. Red gave shade back.” “I warned you to be careful, twerp.” Gently booping my bat-bro’s nose, I turned and scooped Red up before he could crawl over Dad’s face to get in on the hugging action. “And I warned you to look out for him.” “Hey! I did!” Red flared his feathery wings with a squawk, pouting over my shoulder as I squeezed the stuffing out of him. “I gave him juice!” “Yeah, Night, juice.” Dad stuck his tongue out at me. “You know how juice solves everything.” “See!” Red squirmed back and thunked me on the chest. “Did you look out for your brother before his shades were knocked off?” I arched my brow down at him. “No….” “What were you doing instead?” It arched further. “Eating glue….” “And what was the result?” And further still. “Swirlie Whirl hurt Rolling….” Red looked away for a moment. “But he— He didn’t mean to! Honest! We were playing!” “Accidents happen, squirt.” Dad nuzzled Rolling one last time before placing him on his back. “I’m not mad at you or your brother, but you both need to promise me you’ll let the teacher help you when things like this happen. Mister Book Binder is here to help you, and he can’t do that if you’re both hiding in the rafters.” “M’sorry.” Rolling’s ears flattened. “I just said I’m not mad.” Dad laughed and booped Rolling’s snoot before starting to head for the door. “You followed your instincts, and your instincts weren’t wrong. They just weren’t a hundred percent right?” “In-stink?” Rolling perked a little. “What’s instink?” “Hrmmmm….” Dad tilted his head. “You remember asking about those pictures we have of you and your brother flying?” “No?” Rolling tilted his head. “I do! I do!” Red puffed out his chest and preened. “Daddy said I was too much of a thot to fly, but I’m getting better!” He buzzed off my back for a good five seconds before plopping back down to pant. “See!” It took a lot of willpower to keep a straight face; Dad barely even tried to hold back his snickering. “Yes, Red, you’re getting better. Just don’t ever say that in front of your mother.” “Why?” “Because your mother might get the wrong idea, and her first instinct will be no dessert for a week for all of us.” Dad grinned as Red and Rolling gasped. “Exactly. Nopony wants that, do they?” “No!” Both of them chorused. “Good. Now, I didn’t call you a thot, but I did say you were overthinking it. Understand?” Dad waited until both brothers nodded to continue. “Instinct is when you don’t think. It’s like breathing; you just do it. Does that make sense?” The terrible twosome glanced between each other. “No!” I facehooved. “Please tell me I was never like this, Dad.” “You were a different kind of adorable, Night.” Dad chuckled, nodding at Mr. Book Binder as we walked out of the school. “Bye, Mistah Booky!” “Bye, Booky! Bye!” “Have a nice day, boys.” Mr. Book Binder briefly looked away from the rest of his class to smile at us. “And you as well, Night. Cheerilee is looking forward to another year with you. It’s almost a shame this one is going to be your last.” “Thank you, Mr. Book Binder.” I blushed. “I’m looking forward to it myself.” “Oh, she’s more than looking forward to it, Bookie.” Dad bent down to stretch, his wings flaring for a few flaps as he arched his back. “She strutted out of the shower this morning like she was the Nightmother’s gift to ponykind.” “Dad!” My wing shot towards him only to be intercepted by his own. Several growls, screes, and hisses soon followed as one thwap turned into a wing-swinging contest—Dad laughing as he blocked every slap. “Go, Daddy! Go!” Rolling reared up to grab at Dad’s mane, his little hooves pulling hard enough to make Dad wince as we danced. Red was similarly trying to direct me, and soon both twins were giggling like loons under moon. “Still not good enough, sport.” Dad grinned at me as he dodged and weaved. “Getting closer, though. How about a race home to see who has to do the dishes tonight?” ”You’re on!” Even as I tensed for take off, my wings continued their assault. “One. Two. Three—” Dad and I both backpedaled at the same time, crouching down and lifting our wings to leap into the air. “—Go!” Red and Rolling shrieked as we rocketed through the sky; little hooves pulled at my mane so hard it brought tears to my eyes. They shouted for more, so Dad and I pushed on until our wings were whipping up winds that drowned out the twin’s laughter. The few clouds in our way blasted apart as we charged right through them, barely slowing our acceleration as we continued straight towards the house. A single unlucky pegasus momentarily got in the way, but we managed to squeeze by with a pair of synchronous aileron rolls—the poor mare squawking as letters were shed by the turbulence of our wings. The smell of Mom’s cooking hit us, and Dad and I roared as we kept trading the lead. Pineapple cricket kabobs and fresh wonderweevil bread would be even better with the sweet taste of victory. Only a few hands away from the finish line, we both tucked our wings in and curled protectively around our giggling riders to let momentum do the rest. Wump! Wump! Kaboom! Thunder roared through the house as we collided with the wall, but it did not give as we poured everything we had into making the cloud catch us. The clatter of pots and pans failed to hide Mom yelling a word the twins were not meant to hear, and the house crackled and rumbled like an angry bear as our crash pushed it away from front porch below. “Pretty sure we tied again.” I groaned as I sat up. “Tied— my— tailhole.” Dad was panting as he laid on the floor. “Nightmother above. I’m getting old. I used to be able to sprint three times as long as that without breaking a sweat.” “Wheee! That was fun! I’m gonna go tell Mommy!” Red nuzzled his way out of my hooves before bolting inside. “Last one in’s a rotten egg!~” “Hey! No fair! Wait for me!” Rolling quickly followed while I stayed back to wait for Dad to catch his breath. “Come on, Dad. Quit playing.” I nudged him after a solid minute of laying about. “You aren’t that old.” “Euuuurgh… Now I know I’m old.” Dad rolled over with a moan. “I used to say that to my dad.” “You still say that to your father, you lunkhead.” Mom trotted out of the house with a smile—the twins darting about her legs. “And he manages to beat you one round out of three on a regular basis. Age is no excuse.” Leaning down to peck Dad on the cheek, Mom pulled him to his hooves. “I like you older, anyways. You’re more rugged and handsome now than you ever were back at the academy.” “Oh, am I now?” Dad grinned. “I suppose I have gotten more scars.” “More scars and then some.” Mom tittered as Dad wrapped his foreleg around her to trot inside together. “Yeah, and then some.” I gagged as I followed with the twins. “I swear, you guys were never that mushy when I was five.” “It gets your father up, doesn’t it?” Mom laughed as she headed off for the kitchen. “Besides, it’s not that mushy. The twins aren’t screaming about cooties are they?” “Cooties?! Where?!” The terrible twosome dove for cover, burying themselves in the floor. “Better dig them out before they burrow all the way through, eh, sport?” Dad was still grinning like a loon under moon as he slapped me on the back and sauntered after Mom. “I’m going to go see if your mother needs any help with getting more buns in the oven.” “Ewwww….” I shook my head to quickly fell the demons Dad had conjured in my head. “How in Tartarus did they ever get away with that when I was foal? It’s like getting bucked in the face.” “Huh?” Red poked his head out of the floor. “Daddy kicked you?! No wonder he’s so good at buckball!” “Not as good as me! And I don’t kick ponies!” Rolling popped up next to him. “Kicking ponies is bad. Is Daddy in trouble, Night? Do you get to spank Daddy and tell him you’re the daddy now?” Red thwapped his brother with his wing. “Why would she be the daddy when Mommy does all the scolding? She should say she wants to be the mommy now!” I groaned and buried my head in the couch. “Sweet Nightmother above! It’s genetic, isn’t it?!” The doorbell, thankfully, rang before I could start brooding over all the things I must have said back while I ardently defended the ickiness of cooties. I rolled to my hooves and cracked my spine as I put my glasses back on; by the time I reached the door to swing it open, my smile was back, and I was ready to resink my fangs into the best day ever. “Hello?” I blinked at the sight of another thestral smirking at me from under a cloak. Her wings were light and agile; her body was lithe and predatory. My first instinct was to step between her and the twins, but that was tossed out the window to burn in the thrice-cursed sun when she raised her shades to waggle her brows at me. “Aunt Mercy!” I leapt forward to hug her as she spread one foreleg with a smirk. “You’re back! I was starting to think you were going to stay on tour forever! You should have told us you were stopping by on your way to Canterlot! We could have gotten something special!” I looked back to holler at the kitchen. “Dad! Dad! Aunt Mercy’s tour finally ended! Break out one of the bottles from Twilight!” I snuggled into her chest with a squee. “It’s been, what? Four years?” “Five.” Mercy chuckled as she looked up at me. “Your Mom had just had the twins, I think. How’s my little mausebär? Not so little so more, are you? Shite, I saw a few pictures, but if you grow anymore you might end up larger than Tempered!” “Night, what’s a— a—” Red looked out the door, his face scrunching while Rolling hid behind him with one hoof wrapped around his brother’s tail. “—a shite?” He licked his lips as he said it. “Fuck.” Both Aunt Mercy and I winced as the bad dad words were doubled. “Okay?” Red tilted his head. “What’s a fuck? Can I eat it?” “Ahhhhhh….” “Ummmmm….” “Is it like bucking? How do I do it?! Hey, Dad—” “No!” I put my hoof in Red’s mouth. “I mean, yes! It’s uh, very much like bucking, but it can only be done by ponies with their fifth legs, so you shouldn’t ever worry about it until you grow yours.” “I’m gonna grow a fifth leg?! When?!” Son of a sunwitch, Rolling! Don’t yell! “When the cooties get you. That’s what happens when you get infected.” I nodded sagely as Red’s eyes widened, and he reared back to run inside. “Cooties?! Ewww! No way! I wouldn’t want those for a bajillion legs!” The soft thwump of a door sounded as the twerps hid in their room, and I slumped with a sigh as Aunt Mercy snickered. “So what, we’ve all got five legs now?” “I panicked, okay?” I huffed as I let us in to shut the door. “Oh? And—” She snerked. “And what are you going to do when they ask to see your fifth leg?” “I’m going to tell them they can shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.” Flumping onto the couch, I rolled over to look at Aunt Mercy upside down. “Really now?” Aunt Mercy raised a hoof to her mouth before throwing back her head and laughing. “Screeheeheeheehee! I would pay to see sweet, little Nightingale saying that.” “You said it yourself.” I preened. “I’m not so little anymore.” “You’re right.” Aunt Mercy licked her lips. “Maybe the next time your dad and I go bar crawling, I’ll see about letting you tag along.” “Wait. What? Really?” I blinked and took a deep breath to stop myself from screeing like a filly. “I, uh… don’t quite know if Mom will like that.” “Pffft! If Morning raises a fuss about you licking some salt at your age, then you can call her a hypocrite. She was like, only a year out of school when we met, but she still licked me right under the table. No pony handles their salt and cider like that unless they’ve had practice.” “That’s… really weird to think about.” I chewed my lip as I laid back, kicking my legs in the air. “She insisted on cutting back when you showed up—even after you were born.” Aunt Mercy shrugged as she stalked past the mantle, picking up one of the framed photos to look at it. “Sort of sucked all the fun out of hitting on your dad for a while, but eh. It’s not like I was expecting that to ever go anywhere with daydwellers being all clingy.” “I happen to like just having one special somepony.” The corners of my mouth crept up. “I get to treat her like a princess.” “Yeah, yeah, and you get to be her knight in shadowed armor.” Aunt Mercy rolled her eyes as she moved from one frame to the next. “Tempered said the same thing.” Her lips pursed as she stared at the image of Mom and Dad laughing as they tried to coax a little filly me down from the ceiling. “He’s said it several times, actually. Last time happened just after you were born when we both got smashed to celebrate.” “That’s, uh, great.” I squirmed a bit from just how hungrily the photos were being eyed. “But you didn’t actually want him to say yes, did you? I mean, Dad tells me all sorts of stories when we go camping, and, uh… I’m not sure if you've ever had the same coltfriend twice.” Aunt Mercy snorted. “Those weren’t coltfriends; they were eyecandy I kept around to pi— peeve off my old fart.” “You’ve never actually had a coltfriend?” My legs paused mid-kick. “Did I say I never had a coltfriend, squirt? Cause I’ve had plenty of coltfriends. I just have a hard time imagining Morning would approve of your dad telling you any of those stories. They usually wound up with at least one of us in hoofcuffs.” “Say what?” I arched my brow. “Nothing but a bunch of kiddie crimes, Night. Don’t worry.” Aunt Mercy waved me off with a smirk. “A few drunken brawls, a couple of indecent exposures, one case of accidentally buying smile dip.” “Dad tried smile dip!” I reared back with a whinny. “That stuff literally rots your brain!” “I didn’t say it was your dad who did that.” Plopping down into a chair, Aunt Mercy put her rear hooves up on the coffee table. “My coltfriend back then was an idiot. He thought smile dip was just a crazy new candy—called it the best sugar rush of his life.” “Phew….” I let out the breath I’d been holding. “No, your Dad was always smart about trying shite.” Aunt Mercy grinned as I fell off the couch. “He knew how not to get caught, and he knew how to find the best suppliers in town.” “I also—” Dad growled as he and Mom stepped out of the kitchen. “—had the training to make sure nopony would get too messed up.” Mom nodded. “Training you don’t have, dear, so don’t get any ideas.” With a snort, her smile turned to a scowl as she turned to Aunt Mercy. “Trying to corrupt my daughter like that. Honestly, Mercy. You’re lucky I love you so much. Anypony else would be flying for the hills.” “All I’m doing is giving her the truth.” My aunt’s smirk was smugger than the slug that got away. “Hiding it won’t do her any good unless you want her to end up like me.” “Oi.” Dad frowned. “I resent that. I’m nothing like Bitter Bite.” “What kind of training makes it okay to take smile dip?” My head was spinning as I laid on the floor. “Your mom and I didn’t always like the idea of just standing in front of doors. You know that.” Dad rumbled like a mountain about to avalanche. “And combat medics don’t get the same luxuries a normal doctor gets. Some of the more… high end training includes how to scavenge and mix zebra medicine that makes dealers drool like diamond dogs.” “And?” I huffed. “How does that make taking things like smile dip okay?!” Dad sighed. “It doesn’t—not really—but being able to mix medicine like that requires a lot of extra classes on how to properly use it. I was able to make sure all the stuff we tried wouldn’t kill us, that’s it. It was still stupid of us.” “Stupid, but fun!” Aunt Mercy laughed. “Seriously, kid, your parents are right. I’m all for a little experimenting, but you have to know what you’re getting into.” She looked pointedly at Mom and Dad. “And part of that is being told what it’s like, mister and missus ‘let’s not tell her about the blood until she’s older.’” “Okay, that one was a mistake. I admit that.” Dad chuckled even as he rubbed his temples. “I never should have listened to Morning on that one.” “I can’t believe I never saw it.” I buried myself a little deeper in the floor at Mom’s giggle. “As far as I’ve seen, Night, being dense is a time honored thestral tradition. You should be happy you ended up like your father and not just an idiot like Bitter Bite.” “Oh, like pegasi tradition is so much better?” Aunt Mercy hid her smirk behind one hoof. “You know what I mean.” Mom stuck out her tongue and ducked out from under Dad’s wing to head towards the kitchen. “Just give me a few minutes and we can talk over dinner, ok? The kabobs should be almost—” The beeper went off right on cue. “Ah! See? Just let me drizzle the icing on them, and they’ll be done.” “Icing on a cricket kabob?” Aunt Mercy arched her brow at Dad. “Is that a daydweller thing?” “Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. It’s good!” Dad waggled his brows most daddily. “You here for more than one night? I can see about cooking some slugs-in-rugs if you’re doing more than just passing through, but it sounded like you had planned on another tour in your last letter.” “What?! Aunt Mercy!” I stopped lazing about and scrambled to my hooves. “Don’t tell me you’re heading out again! You promised me you’d take a few months off this time.” “Plans change, kiddo.” Mercy ruffled my mane even as her smile fell. “Some plans just keep on changing…. As it turns out, I’m moving to Ponyville.” “What?! Oh my gosh! Screeheeheeheehee!” I ran up to swing my Aunt in circles. “I don’t believe it. Really? Why?!” “Oh, you know… reasons.” For the first time in my life, Aunt Mercy seemed small as she sighed. “I didn’t feel like trying my luck in Canterlot after daddy dearest finally disowned me.” “He… did… what?” I flinched as Dad hissed the last word, and looked over towards the hall to make sure the twins were still bunkered up in their anti-cootie fort. “What the buck did you do, Mercy? After everything he put up with—” “—it meant nothing compared to his one line in the sand.” Aunt Mercy barked out a bitter laugh. “He let all that slide because he thought we agreed on exactly one thing.” “I’m not quite following.” Dad frowned as he moved closer to hug her. “An heir, you lunkhead.” Aunt Mercy pushed herself away from Dad with a huff. “He wanted an heir, remember? That’s all he ever really wanted from me.” Horking up a huge wad of spit, she spat. “And when I went on tour five years ago, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere in a fort that only ever needed a single thestral platoon.” “Oh geeze….” Dad grimiced. “I think I see where this is going.” “There wasn’t another station for miles, Tempered!” Aunt Mercy stomped and thunder rumbled through the house. “And all my squad mates were mares! What was I supposed to do, play at being a nun?! Nopony can blame me for wanting to have a little fun!” Dad winced and waved Mom back into the kitchen as she poked her head out, while I moved to make the twins door into a wall. “No pony is blaming you for anything, Mercy, but I don’t really see the big deal. You’ve had fun in the sun before. As long as you kept using protection, I figured your Dad wouldn’t—” “Checkmate was more than a bit of fun in the sun, you loon.” With a groan, Aunt Mercy slipped onto her haunches. “I don’t know when or where or how, but at some point we stopped screwing just to mess with our folks, and we started screwing just because we wanted to.” Dad paused, his mouth opening and closing as he raised one hoof. “He was tall and handsome and he could do basically anything with his horn.” A hiccup found its way out of Aunt Mercy’s hoof hidden face. “He got what it was like to have idiotic parents that wanted to keep the blood pure, and I guess that made me drop my guard more than I thought it would, because for some idiotic reason I said yes when he proposed.” “Wha— Mercy that’s grea—” Dad shut his mouth as Aunt Mercy lowered her hooves to glower at him. “I’m. Not. Finished.” Another hiccup ruined the growl she put to those words. “I said yes, right? Yay! Hooray! Big bang boom! I wouldn’t be here if that was the end of it. We were planning on taking another tour because we knew our parents were going to disown us.” “Oh, no….” I ran up to hug her as the dots started to fall into place. Dad fidgeted like he wanted to join in, but he kept his distance, biting his lip instead and looking away. “What got him?” The whisper was soft, but it filled the room like leaden weights. “There was a feral dragon attack.” Aunt Mercy shrunk in on herself once more with a sigh. “I’d been feeling off for a few days, so the sunblasted thing landed a lucky shot with its tail…. The last thing I saw before blacking out was the claws coming down to pick me up.” Pausing, she closed her eyes and bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. Dad and I held our breath, hardly daring to breathe, while Mom danced from one hoof to the other in the kitchen door. “And the git had a talent for swapping spells.” Mom and Dad winced so hard they could have gotten whiplash, and I would have joined them if I wasn’t busy keeping Aunt Mercy from collapsing. “I got to wake up a few days later to find out what happened.” Half-sob, half-laugh, Aunt Mercy pushed herself away to climb back onto her hooves. “Worst and best day of my life! Turns out I was off my game because the bloody idiot left me something to remember him by! “Discord damn me nine ways to Tartarus if I’m gonna give that up too!” Staggering towards the door, Aunt Mercy bucked it off the hinges and leapt before we could think to stop her. As we all ran to the door, we breathed a sigh of relief to see her gliding down to the porch. Then, we paused as we noticed the rather large group of ponies gathered around our underporch. Aunt Mercy hissed something at them, and they all backed up to watch as she picked up a basket and flew back up with something closer to her signature smirk back on her face. “So yeah…. All that crummy gunk aside, I’m here to stay in Ponyville.” As she held out the basket, we all got a good look at the little white filly with a horn. Dad and Mom looked at each other for a moment; their faces rapidly shifted until Mom suddenly thwapped Dad and pointed between the foal and the underporch. “Look, Mercy. We need to talk.” He heaved a mighty sigh as he rubbed his shoulder. “You’re fukin’ right we need to talk.” Aunt Mercy poked Dad’s chest. “I’m not giving her up, but I’m out of my depth here, and you made a promise to me eighteen years ago when Night was born.” Dad grimaced as if he’d been stabbed with a spear. “I meant we need to talk about—” “Do you remember that promise, Tempered?” Lashes fluttered wildly as Aunt Mercy’s fangs gleamed in the dusk. “Cause I do.” “Yes, Tempered.” Mom came from behind for the pincer attack. “Tell us all about this promise you apparently never mentioned.” “I— Eeee— Uhhhh—” Sweating more than a few bullets, Dad looked at me. “Don’t look at me like that.” Shaking my head, I snorted. “You know I can’t beat Mom on a good day. If you did what I think you did, we won’t stand a chance.” “Eerff….” Dad rubbed his chest. “I may have some vague memories of it, yes, but you can’t really expect me to—” “Great!” Aunt Mercy slithered forward to plant the basket in Dad’s hooves. “Say hello to your new daddy, Daisy! You’re going to be seeing a lot of him from now on!” “Daisy?” It was Dad’s turn to fall back on his haunches—his face scrunching in a million directions as he held the softly snoring basket. The filly sneezed, making Aunt Mercy grin like a shark; when she started running in her sleep, I knew Dad was as good as gone. “Daisy.” Aunt Mercy nodded. “It’s short for Pushing Daisies. I thought it would be best if I named her after her fathers.”