The engines of Sodor love being really use-
No, I've already used that intro a lot. How about this one?
It was a splendid morning on the Island of So-
No, used that one as well. Ah, here we are!
It was Autumn on Sodor-
"I'D RATHER-!"
Let me finish typing the chapter? Autumn, please go back to Nottingham.
"This sucks."
Please?
"All right then."
Very good. Alright then, here we go!
It was a lovely Autumn day on the Island of Sodor, and the engines were feeling shiny and clean, shiny and clean. Engines enjoy being shiny and clean. Not only does it fill them with pride as their paint glows and their brasswork gleams as they puff along the island, the people of the island, and people who appreciate 'proper engines', like seeing engines that are properly kept and maintained. It maintains a very good public image, unlike the trains on the mainland that are frequently grubby and full of rubbish overflowing from the onboard bins.
This pleasant day, Percy and Pinkie had just arrived at the washdown. Percy had just come in with a messy load of coal for the coaling tower, a large, towering, concrete design which was only operational example left in Britain. As Percy joined the queue, Pinkie tasted some of the coal.
"Yum!" she exclaimed. "This coal is tasty!"
"Pinkie, that's disgusting," said Twilight, as she collected the hose with which to wash Thomas. "Do you know where that piece of coal has been?"
"Well, first it was a tree and then it got squished underground and became coal and somebody mined it out and here it is now!"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Are you sure Pinkie isn't the Egghead?"
"Says the girl who reads Planes Illustrated," Pinkie retorted.
"What? I can be interested in stuff!"
Sir Toppham Hatt then arrived in his car. He had bad news for the engines.
"I," he said, "have some bad news. As you may or may not be aware, there has been a hosepipe ban introduced due to a water shortage. Therefore, we only have enough water to wash each engine once a day."
"Why not just paint all the engines black with no lining?" Twilight suggested. "That way, the dirt wouldn't show."
"ME? PAINTED BLACK?" Gordon spluttered. "Don't be ridiculous!"
Percy, however, was fuming. "We all need cleaning!" he said. "If we're not cleaned properly, soot and oil gets into our working parts and caused them to clog up! And we look awful too!"
"Tell me about it," said James. "Passenger engines must always be clean. Goods engines are meant to be dirty."
"What about Donald and Douglas?" asked Rarity.
"They're honorary passengers engines, so they get a pass."
Percy had other work to do, so he headed off for the docks. He pushed some trucks under the coaling chute to be loaded, but they were in no mood to cooperate.
"Pull hard!" shouted the lead one. The trucks pulled and dragged Percy under the coaling chute- just as it dumped coal on him.
"Brilliant!" he said. "Now I look a mess!"
"Now we know how Thomas felt," Pinkie said. "Never fear. I'll clean you up."
Unfortunately, they had no time to wait. Some coal was due further down the line, and Percy had to take them, by now very heavily weathered. As he puffed along, the trucks were giving him grief.
"Clickety clack, don't look back, dirty Percy's on our track!"
"That's hypocritical, coming from you," Percy retorted.
"Exactly! You trucks are covered in muck... unless you want some of Rarity's mascara!"
The trucks were silent almost immediately.
Percy arrived at Arlesburgh West and shunted the trucks into the siding. He was very hot and bothered.
"Hello!" Rex called. "Thanks for the coal. That'll keep us going for a while yet!"
"No problem!" Pinkie called.
"From now on, I'm only doing work that doesn't get me dirty!" Percy exclaimed.
"You're a steam engine," Pipsqueak pointed out. "That means you produce soot. You get dirty by virtue of running!"
"But unlike you humans, I can't take a bath!" Percy replied.
Harold then flew overhead. His rotor blades picked up a mountain of ash and cinders that had been produced from Sweetie Belle mucking Stepney out the previous day. And guess who got covered in ash and cinders?
Yes. Percy, who was now extremely heavily weathered. "If this doesn't merit a wash, I don't know what will!" he said.
"OOOOOOH!" said Pinkie, suddenly. "See those trucks over there?"
"Yes?"
"Those are full of sugar going to Mr Jolly's Chocolate Factory in Hackenbeck! Sugarcube Corner gets some of its supplies from there, so we'd be doing two individuals a favour. The Cakes, by getting them some chocolate, and you by not getting dirty!"
"Sugar is nice and clean," Percy smiled. "Where do I sign up?"
Mr Jolly's Chocolate Factory sits in an industrial estate, with a separate access line off of the Ffarquhar branch. This short line runs down a steep gradient owing to a very cheap surveying team, and engines must be careful to stop before descending into the factory proper, so that the driver can pin down the brakes.
Unfortunately, a tanker had spilled liquid onto the track earlier that day, and the factory staff were yet to clean up the mess. Percy was also unfamiliar with the layout of the factory, and as such approached it going too fast. Pinkie put the brakes on, but Percy's wheels locked on the track and he simply skidded along!
"Oh no!" he cried. "This is what it must have been like for Duck!"
"Gotta jump!" Pinkie cried, and bailed from the cab. Percy slid helplessly down the track and into the buffers that sat at the end of the siding. He went through them, crashed through the factory wall, and demolished practically every machine in the building, before crashing out the other side, looking very silly.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUCK!" he said. "I've never been this dirty!" And he hadn't. His face, smokebox, sandboxes, frames, and saddle were smeared in milk chocolate, which was already starting to melt further due to the heat from his boiler.
Duck came along to extricate Percy from the rubble, and Pinkie did her best to clean Percy, but there was a limit to what even she could do. Percy was towed back to Tidmouth sheds, and the other engines thought it rather amusing- except Duck.
"I empathise with you entirely!" he said. "Getting covered in stuff is no fun. I was covered in shaving foam when I crashed into the barber's shop. Thankfully, Apple Bloom helped in getting it off."
"It'd be a shame if all that chocolate went to waste," said Thomas. "How about our drivers scrape it off and bake a cake with it."
"What would we call it?" asked Toby.
"I know!" James said. "Pudding Percy!"
"Choc-Ice on wheels?" suggested Henry.
"Thank you, everyone!" said Sir Toppham Hatt. "Percy, despite your rather obvious predicament, you have shown us that usefulness does come before cleanliness. Therefore, you shall have your wash before the other engines. And Pinkie?"
"Yes sir?"
"As compensation for the incident, Mr Jolly has decided to give the Cakes a free supply of chocolate and sugar for the entire year. Make sure that chocolate doesn't get wasted!"
Percy and Pinkie could only beam with pride.