Three fillies were standing in the boutique doorway, obviously ignorant of the ’Closed’ sign on it, and obviously much confused by what must have looked like Hugh Heffner tango dancing with a unicorn.
One I recognized as Apple Bloom, the others being a unicorn and pegasus, which must have meant they were the friends she had mentioned. One was undoubtedly Sweetie Belle, Rarity’s little sister, easily recognizable due to the picture I’d seen yesterday. I hadn’t seen the color of her eyes in the picture, since they were closed in her energetic smile, but now I saw they were a light green. The pegasus I’d never seen before. She had an orange coat, a very messy purple mane and tail, and eyes the same color.
“Oh! Sweetie Belle!" said Rarity, her cheeks going pink. "Home so soon?”
“It’s 3, Rarity. That’s when I usually get home,” said Sweetie Belle, flatly.
Rarity chuckled awkwardly.
“Yes, of course it is. Seems we lost track of time.”
I straightened up so Rarity could get back on all four hooves. Apple Bloom, however, finally seemed to recognize me, despite my new attire.
“That you, Mr. Dave?”
“Hey, Apple Bloom.”
Sweetie Belle and the pegasus looked at their Earth pony pal.
“You mean he’s the one you were talking about?” asked the pegasus, in a rough, boyish voice not quite unlike Rainbow Dash’s.
“Yep!” said Apple Bloom
“He’s even taller than I thought,” said Sweetie Belle.
“He’s a giant!” said the pegasus, amazed.
I suppose I must’ve been a giant compared to these kids.
“Oh, where are my manners?” said Rarity. “Dave, you seem to have met Apple Bloom, so this is my little sister Sweetie Belle.”
“Hi!” chirped the younger unicorn.
“She’s staying with me while our parents are out of town,” she explained to me. “And this is her other friend, Scootaloo.”
“Hey there!” said the pegasus.
She gave her wings an energetic buzz. Oddly, they didn’t give her any lift, which made me wonder if she was incapable of flying.
“Pleased to meet you," I said. "If you were wondering what was going on, Rarity and I were kinda, er, losing ourselves in a song.”
I scratched the back of my head, sheepishly.
“Oh, is that all?” asked Apple Bloom, comprehending.
(I should hope that was all!)
“You two looked really goofy dancing around like that!” said Scootaloo.
The three fillies giggled. Rarity’s cheeks flushed again.
“Oh! You saw it all, did you?” she asked, with an embarrassed smile.
Apparently, nopony was aware she sang or danced while she worked. Honestly, I couldn’t see what the big deal was. Wasn't that what the phrase 'whistle while you work' was for?
“I didn’t know you could dance, Rarity!” said Sweetie Belle, admiringly. “Can you teach me someday?”
Rarity’s eyes lit up with delight at such a request.
“Oh, Sweetie Belle, of course I can! There’s really nothing to it at all! I’m afraid I’m a bit tied up right now, though. You see, poor Dave was thrust into Equestria with only one suit of clothes to call his own.”
“Why couldn’t he just go naked like everypony else?” asked Scootaloo, bluntly.
Now Pinkie asking that was bad enough, but to hear a little kid ask that…!
“It…doesn’t quite work that way,” I said, trying to keep my composure. “Let’s just say humans are more comfortable clothed, and leave it at that.”
“But why?” asked Apple Bloom.
All three of them were looking up at me inquisitively. I smacked my forehead in frustration. How was I supposed to explain something so delicate to these fillies? I looked to Rarity for assistance, but she looked as helpless as I did. Then, an idea hit me.
“Apple Bloom, does your sister always wear her hat?” I asked.
“Well, yeah.”
“And do you always wear that bow?”
“‘Course.”
“Do you ever feel…strange when you’re not wearing it?”
Apple Bloom seemed to consider this for a moment.
“…Actually, Ah do. When Ah’m not wearin’ it, it feels like Ah should be. It’s like, Ah know it ain’t there, but it ought to be.”
“You could say that bow’s a part of you, then, right?”
“Ah suppose so.”
“Has Applejack ever had a similar experience?”
“…Yeah!” she said, realization dawning on her. “She told me she felt awkward at the royal weddin’, not bein’ able to wear her hat with her bridesmaid’s dress, so she snuck it on when no one was lookin’.”
Rarity gave a small huff of indignation at this.
“Suppose it was inevitable,” I heard her mutter.
“Well, see, kids, it’s kind of the same way,” I told the fillies. “Humans feel, well, incomplete unless they’re clothed. I can’t really put it into clearer words than that. It’s just always been a part of our nature.”
“Ohh,” said the three, in comprehending unison.
“Well, girls,” Rarity said\, “as I was saying, I’m going to be making Dave some new clothing on the side, and I’m washing his current attire at the moment, so why don’t you three run off and play?”
“Ok!” they said, once again in unison, and zipped off to another part of the boutique.
“But be sure you do your homework first!” Rarity called after them.
Whether or not they heard, I couldn’t tell. I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Man, that was close,” I said.
“You’re telling me,” said Rarity. “Honestly, I almost had a heart attack when they barged in. And then Scootaloo…Tsk! I swear, Pinkie must be getting to them.”
I couldn’t help chuckling.
“Ah well. They’re just kids. Besides, you really are light on your hooves.”
Rarity’s huffiness was a lost cause. She gradually smiled.
“Thank you, dear. You’re not too bad yourself.” she said, giving me a teasing nudge with her elbow.
“I wouldn’t get used to it. I’m terrible when I actually think I’m dancing.”
Rarity giggled, and at the same time, a loud ‘ding’ came from the laundry room.
“Oh! There’s the washer. Your clothes should be nice and dry soon.”
“Great, thanks!”
Rarity trotted off to take care of the laundry load, and I sat myself back down, but not before re-closing the door that the girls had so carelessly left open, praying that nopony else had seen what had happened. I’d had enough awkward surprises for one day.
***
As I sat and waited, I could hear the girls upstairs, chatting loudly, unpacking their schoolbags. It seemed they had heard Rarity’s insistence on completing their homework after all. As time went on, though, their chatter died down, as they seemed to be getting to work.
It didn’t last long, however, as there came a dull, incessant tapping, which persisted for some time. There was a ‘thump’, and an ‘Ow!’. Then their voices started up again, arguing by the sound of it. I felt like I should go upstairs to break it up, but it wouldn’t feel appropriate going up in a bathrobe.
After what felt like an eternity of listening to the fillies’ squabbling, there was another ‘ding’, and Rarity came out, carrying my clothes neatly folded in her magic.
“Here you are, Dave, good as new!”
I gratefully stood up and accepted them.
“Thanks, Rarity! You’re a marvel!”
“Oh, it was nothing, darling. I should have your first set ready by tomorrow, so you can interchange between wearing both until the next are ready. I do hope you’ll understand, as I’ve got a few other clients waiting for requests as well.”
“That works perfectly, actually. I still can’t thank you enough for this.”
“Oh, pish-posh,” she said, modestly, with a dismissive wave of her hoof, “it’s my pleasure. Now, I’m going to be rather busy, so I’ll bid you adieu right here. Although, if you do wish to lend me a hoof, do you think you could try and calm the girls down?”
She lifted her gaze to the ceiling.
“It’s hard to concentrate when they’re being…rambunctious.”
“I can give it a shot, sure. Thanks again, Rarity.”
I knelt down and pulled her into a one-armed hug. She smiled and nuzzled her cheek against mine.
“You’re very welcome, dear. And remember, the Boutique’s always open if you want to come visit. Ta!”
When we broke apart, she trotted off into her workroom, closing the door gently behind her. Still privately vowing to return the favor to the generous fashionista, I went into the bathroom to change. Thankfully, Opal was nowhere to be seen, and I was re-clothed in a jiffy. The clothes were nice and warm from having just come out of the dryer, and after having spent close to an hour in nothing but a bathrobe, it was refreshing. I folded the robe up as best I could and set it on the sink’s counter before exiting the bathroom and heading upstairs.
***
The arguing was loudest from behind a closed door that read ‘Guest Room’. My guess was that was where Sweetie Belle slept when she stayed over. I opened it softly to see the three friends in each others’ faces, squabbling with as much energy and incomprehension as a cage full of parakeets in a pet store. Their saddle bags sat on the floor, among homework papers and writing utensils. I waded in between them and separated them as best I could, though they still went at it until I raised my voice.
“Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT!”
At last they quieted down and gazed up at me, though Scootaloo coughed once or twice.
“Now, what’s all the ruckus?” I asked.
“We were just tryin’ to get our homework done, like Rarity said,” said Apple Bloom.
“So we could plan some more Crusading afterwards,” said Scootaloo.
“But we kept getting stuck on some of the problems,” said Sweetie Belle. “And then somepony wouldn’t stop tapping her pencil!”
She glared at Scootaloo, who stuck out her tongue defiantly. I sighed, rubbing my temples with one hand.
“Let me get this straight: you spent all this time arguing because Scootaloo was tapping her pencil?”
It sounded too ridiculous to believe.
“She does it all the time, though!” interjected Apple Bloom. “It’s annoyin’!”
“Oh, I do not do it 'all the time',” retorted Scootaloo.
“Do too!” snapped the little farm filly, going snout-to-snout with the obnoxious pegasus. “If ya actually bothered t' pay attention for once-”
Scootaloo scowled.
“Do you think Rainbow Dash got where she is by being a little egghead in school? I don’t think so!”
“Who are you callin’ an egghead?!”
“You!”
“Ah am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“GIRLS!”
The fillies jumped, and even I was startled. I never meant to thunder like that. A few moments of awkward silence passed, then I cleared my throat and tried again.
“Girls,” I said, softer, “I can see that tempers are high, but there's no need for pointless arguments. What are they going to lead to?”
“Arguin’ cutie marks?” asked Apple Bloom, almost hopefully.
Sweetie Belle sighed in frustration and clapped a hoof to her forehead.
“I told you, there’s no such thing as an arguing cutie mark. What would it even look like?”
For a moment, I briefly visualized an image of a pair of cartoon lips with visible teeth on a pony’s flank, yelling with sound lines jutting from them.
“How does this sound?” I asked, and they turned their attention back to me. “Since I don’t really have anything else planned, I’ll give you a hand with your homework.”
This idea delighted the three, as their faces lit up with adorably huge smiles, and they bounced around me like sheep hopping a fence, shouting “Yes!” and “Thank you!” over and over as they did so. I sat down on the floor and pulled their papers over, and they in turn crowded around me to look. When they couldn’t see from their positions, they resorted to crawling into my lap, like a trio of curious kittens.
From what I could see, they were working on matching words that were synonyms, but a lot of them seemed more advanced than I would have expected for whatever grade level they were in. At least, the ones in the right-hand column were. It seemed the assignment was to find the simpler-named synonym of the more advanced word and match the two together. All three of them, collectively, had only managed one or two connections.
“‘Obsequious’…‘Effervescent’…‘Gratuitous’?" I read off, skeptically. "Did these words even exist when I was your age? Does your teacher always give you stuff like this?”
“Not all the time,” said Sweetie Belle. “She just likes to surprise us sometimes.”
“Some surprise,” I muttered, flatly. “What’s she like?”
“Oh, Miss Cheerilee's the best, Mr. Dave,” said Apple Bloom. “She’s the nicest, kindest teacher we’ve ever had!”
“She’s the only teacher we’ve ever had,” said Scootaloo.
“Nuh-uh. Remember that one substitute teacher? Mr. Slatehoof?”
“Oh yeah. That guy was so boring. I zonked out before he even introduced himself.”
“It’s never hardfor you to ‘zonk out’, Scootaloo,” said Sweetie Belle.
The miniature pegasus gave the little unicorn a pointed look.
“Well, I’m glad you kids have such a swell teacher," I said. "Do you get on well?”
"Pretty well," said Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle nodded.
“I do ok, I guess,” said Scootaloo, shrugging.
“Straight B-’s are your idea of ok?” asked Sweetie Belle, raising an eyebrow.
Scootaloo’s orange cheeks flushed.
“Hey, now, settle down,” I said, warningly. “I never liked talking about grades, either, to be honest. What about beyond grade-wise? Are any of your other friends interested in this Cutie Mark Crusader stuff?”
“Not really,” said Apple Bloom, shaking her head sadly.
“It's just the three of us,” said Sweetie Belle, glumly.
“Oh?” I asked. “No one else in your class-”
“Is a ‘blank flank’?” asked Scootaloo, with a bitter tone to the name.
A twinge hit my gut at the name, though I wasn’t sure why.
“Who would call you such a thing?” I asked.
“Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,” said Sweetie Belle. “They're in our grade. Just because they're rich, they think they can make the rest of us feel lousy and rub it in our faces. They were really set on teasing Apple Bloom at Tiara’s cute-ceanera, all because she didn’t have her cutie mark.”
“No!” I said, aghast.
I looked down at the little farm filly, ignoring the groan-inducing nature of the word 'cute-cenera'. She simply nodded.
“That’s horrible,” I breathed.
“It’s all right, Mr. Dave,” she said, with a small smile. “It’s cuz of Sweetie Belle and Scoot standin' up for me that we started the Crusaders.”
“Yeah, we totally showed those two snobs!” said Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle grinned.
“Wow,” was all I could say for the moment.
It seemed like, every minute, these ponies had a new way of making me do a mental double-take. The bonds between the closest of friends in this world were tightened by a history of strong mutuality and closeness, bonds which time could never break. It was believable and even inspiring for Pinkie and her friends, having been through so much together, but these three kids, these little fillies…To be such strong friends at such a young age was incredible.
“Hey, Mr. Dave? You ok?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Huh? What? Oh! Sorry, I guess I kinda zoned out."
I cleared my throat awkwardly.
"Now then, your homework. Well, what we need, first of all, is a thesaurus.”
I was met by a trio of blank stares.
“A thesaurus?" I prompted. "Kinda like a dictionary? Tells you what words are like other words?”
“Ohh! I know what one of those is!” said Sweetie Belle. “See? I told you it wasn’t a dinosaur!” she told Scootaloo.
The pegasus just rolled her eyes as Sweetie Belle went to fetch the book.
“Hey, Scootaloo, mind if I ask you something?”
“Yeah?”
“I understand Apple Bloom’s Applejack’s sister, and Sweetie Belle’s Rarity’s sister, so do you have some connection to Rainbow Dash? You remind me a lot of her.”
Scootaloo beamed, her eyes sparkling.
“Do I really? I wish I was her sister, but I’m not.”
Her smile faded briefly.
"Then who are you related to?" I asked. "Anypony I might know?"
"No, I don't think so," she said, shortly.
Something in her tone made me feel like I should back off.
"Well, all right. I was just curious. I'm not one to pry if you don't want me to."
She said nothing, so I tried a different route.
“Do you hang around with Rainbow Dash?”
That brought the smile back on her face.
“Not as much as I’d like, but she lets me watch her practice her flying sometimes. She’s just so awesome! She’s even got her own fan club!”
“That you’re the president of,” said Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo ignored her.
“She does the most amazing tricks! Lots of spins and dives and loop-de-loops! Sometimes I watch them with Fluttershy!”
“Oh? Fluttershy watches her practice stunts?” I asked.
“Yeah. She’s her cheering section.”
As endearing as it sounded that the timid pegasus was dedicated to cheering her friend on, I couldn’t exactly visualize her dancing about with pompoms or shouting into a bullhorn.
“Is Rainbow nice to you?” I asked.
I at least hoped the sporty mare cared that she had such a devoted fan who wanted nothing more than to worship the ground she tread, or at least the sky she zipped across.
“She’s usually busy with her stunts,” said Scootaloo, “but she’s been pretty nice to me. She even calls me ‘Scoots’ or ‘Squirt’. I’m on a nickname basis with her!”
She leaned back against my stomach, gazing up at me with the biggest smile her little face could manage. Being given such personal nicknames by the Rainbow Dash, at least to her, was apparently equal to every day being her birthday. I grinned and ruffled her mane.
“Sounds like you’ve got it good, kid. Maybe soon you’ll be soaring the skies with her.”
“I hope so, if these stupid wings would grow out.”
She glanced at her tiny wings, flapping them for good measure.
“I swear, every pegasus in our class can fly except me.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Scoot.”
“But it’s all right. As long as I can still pull off tricks on my scooter, I can be just as daring as Rainbow Dash!”
“You ride a scooter?”
“Fastest in Ponyville,” she said, casually rubbing a hoof on her chest.
“It’s true,” said Apple Bloom. “When a pony takes 20 minutes to get from one place to another. Scootaloo can do it in 5.”
“Wow! That’s pretty impressive!” I said.
At that moment, Sweetie Belle returned, lugging an old book on her back.
“Found it!” she strained.
“Aw, Sweetie Belle, I’d have gotten it for you," I said. "That looks like it weighs a ton.”
“It’s ok, I’ve got it.”
She wobbled over and plopped it down in front of us.
“Ok, kids, gather round," I said. "It’s time for Vocabulary 101.”
Sweetie Belle retook her place on my lap as I opened the book.
“Ok, so on the left column, we have ‘unnecessary’. Let’s look that up."
I flipped through the pages until I found what I was looking for.
"Aha! ‘Unnecessary: excessive, expendable, gratuitous’.”
“Ohh!” chorused the three, comprehending.
They took their pencils and connected 'unnecessary' with 'gratuitous' on their homework papers.
“See how easy this is?" I asked. "Now, let’s take a look at the next one. ‘Cheerful’, there’s a good one. Now, going back to what we did before…”
***
It wasn’t exactly doing it for them, as I was technically showing them how to do it themselves. As soon as I’d done one or two words, they picked up on it and leafed through the thesaurus themselves to finish. Soon, they had their homework complete, and still had enough time to plan more Cutie Mark Crusading before dinner. Discussing these involved talking about some of the things they'd already tried before, which were not only numerous, but…Well, honestly, I could list a whole string of adjectives to describe them, but I think it’d be safe to just settle on ‘dangerous’, ‘reckless’, and ‘weird’. Why did so many of them end up with them being covered in tree sap?
In any case, they were already drawing up plans, and were deep in discussion, when I looked out the window. The sun was beginning to sink low toward the horizon. It actually made me wonder what Celestia had to do to move the sun. Was it by mental willpower, or did she have to actually steer it herself? Whatever the case, the day was drawing to a close, and I figured I should probably head back to Sugarcube Corner and see how Pinkie was holding up. It would be dinnertime soon anyway.
I was about to stand up when something tapped me on the leg. I turned around to find all three Crusaders looking up at me, grinning broadly.
“Dave, after much discussion, we’ve come to a major decision,” said Scootaloo.
“Oh?"
“We’ve decided,” said Apple Bloom, “to name you an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader!”
Sweetie Belle, in turn, held up what looked like a neckerchief in her teeth. It was red, decorated with a blue shield, with a symbol of a yellow pony rearing up on its hind legs in the center. I raised an eyebrow.
“You’re serious about this?” I asked.
“Yefph!” said Sweetie Belle. Then, realizing she still had the cloth in her mouth, spit it out. “I mean, yep!”
"It's supposed to be a cape," said Scootaloo, somewhat sheepishly, "but I guess you can wear it like a bandana, since you're so big."
Wow. They actually wanted me to be part of their group? That was...really touching.
“Have you ever had honorary members before?” I asked.
“Nope! You’re the first!” said Apple Bloom. “It’s something we just came up with!”
“And now you gotta take the Cutie Mark Crusaders Oath!” said Scootaloo.
“There’s an oath?”
“Yep! Hold up one hand, and put the other to your forehead like a salute.”
I did just as I was bid, and the three, sitting on their haunches in front of me, did likewise.
“Repeat after me," said Scootaloo. "I solemnly swear-”
“I solemnly swear-”
“To fight the fight-”
“To fight the fight-”
“Until I make my cutie mark appear.”
That part caught me a little off guard. No human, I’m sure, could get a cutie mark the way an Equestrian pony could, so technically, I was a ‘blank flank’ myself. In hindsight, I suppose that worked out well enough in theory. Still, I decided to make due with what I was dealt.
“Until I make my cutie mark appear.”
“Cross my heart-”
“Cross my heart-”
“Hope to fly-”
“Hope to fly-”
“Stick a cupcake in my eye!” said all three in unison.
“Stick a cupcake in my eye.”
It seemed they too had been inspired by the infamous Pinkie Promise.
“YAY!” they all cheered.
“Welcome aboard, honorary member Dave!” said Sweetie Belle, handing me my new neckerchief. “How does it feel to be a Crusader?”
As I tied it around my neck, an idea struck me.
“Well, gee, girls, I don’t know. I mean, I just realized something,” I said, in a worried tone.
The three looked confused.
“What?” asked Scootaloo.
“It’s something I’d been meaning to tell you, but I didn’t know how to say it…I’m an undercover agent.”
The three gasped.
“From who?” asked Apple Bloom.
“You really wanna know?”
“Yes!”
They leaned in.
“You really REALLY wanna know?”
“Yes!”
They leaned in closer.
“Well, don’t let this get around,” I whispered confidentially, “but I’m an agent of…the TICKLE MONSTER!”
Quick as lightning, I dove my hands at them and began tickling away at their bellies. The three fillies, caught completely off guard, squealed with laughter as they rolled onto their backs, at my tickling mercy.
“S-sto-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-op!!” squealed Apple Bloom. “Ah-Ah’m ticklish!”
“Me too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!!” cried Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo was laughing too hard to respond.
“Oh, it’s gonna take more than that to make me stop,” I said, playfully.
Unfortunately, I didn’t notice the conspiring look between the three fillies in their bout of giggles. All of a sudden, faster than I could process, they had leaped onto me, and now I was at the receiving end of a three-way tickle attack. Now, I was exceptionally ticklish, even by most human standards, so in the wake of this sudden change of tactics, I became the victim to their brilliant little ploy.
I don’t know how long we kept it up, or how Rarity withstood it when we were making more noise than before. All I knew was that, in that space of time, for the first time in years, the kid within me was having fun once again, without a care in the world, and the ones to show me how to do it were three little fillies still questing for their destinies.