Enchanted

by The Whiskey Spirit


Ch 71: Resolve

An iron weight settled in Carina’s stomach as his gaze fell on the elf. A swirl of emotions filled the changeling, and he struggled to make sense of them all. He wanted to speak to the elf, needed to. He was determined to make him explain himself, unable to accept the brutality that had been used. However, stronger than his determination, and even his desire for answers, he was held back by his fear.

If he was in a calmer state of mind, he might have found it humorous that his determination to overcome his fears would be challenged so swiftly. Sadly, he was not calm, as his quickened breaths would indicate.

Carina could only be thankful that Aurick wouldn’t be able to notice him, as the elf was sitting on a bench faced away. It was clear to anyone who looked upon the sight that he was lost in thought, and the changeling doubted that they involved butterflies and rainbows.

He gazed upon the elf for a short time, his hooves locked to the ground beneath him and his body rigid. He didn’t know what to do. A part of him wanted to walk over and demand answers out of the elf, the other part wanted nothing to do with any of this and told him to get out of there while he could. These two thoughts waged a war in his mind and it was unclear who would come out victorious.

All that stopped the moment that Aurick stood up.

Carina held his breath, hoping that Aurick wouldn’t notice him. Perhaps if he stood still… Aurick turned, his gaze falling upon the changeling. A choked squeak emerged from Carina’s throat, his desire to run swiftly becoming the only thought in his mind, even as Aurick’s eyes narrowed and his gaze turned into a glare. And yet, despite it all, Carina couldn’t move, his legs rooted him to the ground, refusing to remove themselves.

A moment of silence passed between the two, the only sound to be heard was that of a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the plants around them. All of it ended with Aurick letting out a sound of irritation before walking off. Away from Carina.

The moment the elf was out of sight, the changeling’s legs gave out, sending him crashing into the dirt below. His breathing renewed, quickly gasping for the air his body had deprived him of in the tense moment. He closed his eyes, his teeth grit in anger. Anger at himself.

Once again he had frozen up. Once again he couldn’t face his own fear. This was his opportunity to prove to himself that he could be brave, that he didn’t need to be controlled by his fears, and yet… he failed.

Was this a sign? A sign that he couldn’t change? That he would be a coward for the rest of his life?

No! He… he couldn’t believe that. He didn’t want to believe it. He refused. He wanted, no, needed to get past this. Alae had died because of his inability to act. How could he expect anything to be different in the future if he didn’t change?

His eyes opened, focusing on the last place he had seen the elf. His brows furrowing as a frown worked its way onto his face. He didn’t like it, not in the least, but he had an idea of how to help him become who he wanted to be.

~-~

Ashwyn was conflicted, her heart split in twine and her emotions scattered to the winds. She could scarcely believe the events that had transpired, wished it to be nothing more than a dark dream she could wake up from. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt for a long while. Ever since her escape from him.

She wanted to go back to the way things were. To spend her days snuggled up with Aurick. When the worst thing that could happen to her was an irritating customer. When she felt like she had finally gotten a normal life back.

She was foolish to think that she could have anything of the sort. She was a mutated monster that was dating an alien, who seemed to be on the Princess’ problem solving list. Now they had just finished dealing with a changeling invasion, after she had broken into the changeling hive to rescue her alien coltfriend, only for him to brutalize and kill the changelings in a bout of madness.

To say she wasn’t taking it well would be an understatement. She wanted nothing more than for Aurick to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright. That they could go home and put all this behind them.

It was a stupid idea, born from that small part of her that had refused to face reality. The part that wanted to be protected and be coddled. The part of herself she desperately wanted to give into.

She knew she couldn’t, however. Not after what she had seen. No matter how badly she wanted to go find Aurick, the mere thought of him being so close to her sent a shiver down her spine.

She was afraid of him, terrified even. She knew it was wrong. That he wouldn’t hurt her, but… she had never seen someone act like that. To be so ruthless, so bloodthirsty. Even he, despite his twisted desires, had never looked at her with such eyes.

Princess Luna had asked her if she still loved him, despite all that she had witnessed of him. Even now, with another day almost over, she still couldn’t find an answer. She wanted to still love him, wanted to be able to look past these faults and know that he was still the same kind person that had cared for her when she was weak. She wanted it so bad, and yet, every part of her told her he was dangerous. That she should stay far away from him and hope that he doesn’t pursue her.

She knew exactly where these feelings came from. It was the same part of her that had paralyzed him when they had last met. The same part of her that she had been acting through when she had escaped the lab.

She tentatively labeled it as her instincts. Yet another result from everything that had happened to her at the lab. Yet another thing that she feared, and why shouldn’t she?

She lost control to it and hurt Aurick. Sure he had recovered thanks to the medical staff at the castle, but what if someone else were to trigger it? Would she kill them? Would she be able to stop herself. A part of her told her that she had some control over it. She had consciously fought those guards, despite not knowing the first thing about combat. She was able to stealthily move through the changeling hive and disable their soldiers along her path, despite never having done such a thing before.

Who’s to say she couldn’t harness it again? Though, who’s to say she even wanted to? She never asked for any of this. The only reason she was in Canterlot in the first place was because she wanted to be with Aurick. She never wanted to take down changelings, never wanted to fight mind controlled guards… never wanted to hurt her coltfriend like she did.

She wanted to apologize, and at the same time she felt she was in the right. She had no doubt that if her instincts had not taken over in that moment, that he would have killed Chrysalis. She might hold no love for the changeling queen, but she didn’t deserve to die. Not after being tortured as she was. She might have done some terrible things, but she hadn’t killed anyone… as far as she knew. He was going to far. He couldn’t see reason. He was going to kill her.

All excuses, all true.

Yet, despite it all, she still wished she hadn’t done it. The look he gave her, lying on the ground unable to move, hurt her far more than she knew at the time. It was a look of betrayal, a look of regret, a look of sadness. It was a look of so many things, and it hurt Ashwyn’s heart to think about. It was a moment of clarity for him, and as they shared that look, they both knew that they had done things that couldn’t be taken back.

It was that singular moment that made everything so much worse. She had no idea what to do about it. She wanted to run away and never see him again, she wanted to go find him and apologize for doing what she did, she wanted him to regret what he had done. She wanted so many things and she knew that not all of them could happen. But most of all…

She wanted to understand.

Why did he act like that? Why was he so angry? Why did he have to be so brutal? ...Who was Daena? She wanted to understand, but she never would if she couldn’t speak to him.

A sigh escaped her as she closed her eyes. She knew what she had to do, Princess Luna had said as much, and though it sent a shiver down her spine she resolved herself to do it. Knowing better than to wait and let herself question her decision, she got up and went out to find her quarry.

She had to speak to Aurick.