Dear Princess Bunburn,
Today I learned that being jealous of other people’s happiness turns you into an unlikeable ball of anti-fun. On a normal day, it takes me a hot minute to suck the fun out a room, but today I managed to do it in exactly six seconds.
Buttershush and I were supposed to hang out alone at the library today so I could try getting her to mash snatches with me, though I publicly deny such accusations. Anyway, right as I was about to reach second base, in walks Pinka Ponk. She and Butters start having a good time talking about family and shit, so I put an end to that real quick by reminding them I’m the sister of a prince. They stopped talking, and I immediately realized how autistic I am. I did the apology thing and we all had a grand old time.
Your horniest hornicorn,
Tim Tam