Dear Princess Booty Butt,
Today I avoided all repercussions for my actions by mentioning my status as the student of the Princess.* I’m pretending that I learned something about personal responsibility, but in reality the opposite happened. The only thing I learned is that you can get away with pretty much anything—up to and including kidnapping—if you know the right people.
Your future serial murderer,
Twitchy Squiggle* She actually said “the” Princess. Her words, not mine. It makes me feel bad for Luna and the lack of respect she gets. Tell her she’s my favorite for me.
Love, Anon