Dear Princess Sunbutt,
Spike is off doing dragon shit for who knows how long, so I’m making my fuckmonkey write this for me. Sorry you have to deal with his unfamiliar writing style and dashing good looks. I could very easily write my own damn friendship reports, but I get off to treating everyone around me like slaves.
Today I learned that being a cunt makes other people not like you. Apologizing for your cuntish behavior is the first step to fixing whatever relationships you fucked up with said cuntish behavior. True friends will forgive you. Truer friends won’t act like cunts in the first place, but I’m too dumb and purple to understand that one.
Your failed social experiment,
Twinkle Sprinkle