"Oh my Celestia, this station is simply dazzling!" Rarity shouted drawing the attention of a fair few commuting ponies. The Marisian station was quite astounding, but I didn't feel like making a scene so I withheld my amusement, while Rarity yelled out her enthusiasm.
"Gush later. I'm hungry." I had a backpack now, having bought one from a random station while on the line to Maris. "We'll definitely find at least one good restaurant, if Maris is anywhere near similar to Paris." At least I hope there is. The walls of the station were decorated in murals of differing quality, most were quite good. There was one particularly well done mural of the four princesses.
"Ooh! I know just the place, Darling. My family and I went there when I was younger!" Rarity was looking like a giddy filly. "It's been such a long time since I've been here, you know? My mother and father took me to Prance once when I was a foal."
"Cool story. Lead the way, Diamondbutt." I filed in behind her.
"Good grief, would you stop calling me that in public." She stamped a hoof. "I really can't take you anywhere, can I?" She bemoaned, earning her an ear flick.
"I am become hunger. Eater of foods. Now take me to that which may sustain me." I was gonna get hangry if she didn't hurry up.
"Oh, fine. You're carrying everything as punishment though." She headed forward as I followed. I tried to not stare at her flank, but she fucking flaunts that shit constantly.
I raised a brow. "I already am. I have been for pretty much the entire journey." It wasn't exactly heavy so I saw no reason to complain.
Rarity waved off my retort with a hoof. "Details, darling. Details. You'll be happy to know that the restaurant also serves Griffins. It's called the Royal Marisian." We had just exited the station, various creatures crowding the pavements as carriages were drawn through the streets. An occasional Griffin or Pegasus could be seen flying a couple metres above the crowd. If I looked hard enough, it was possible to see a couple zeppelins in the sky.
"How original of them, I never would've thought to name a restaurant in Paris the Parisian." I deadpanned, putting a hand over my face as my eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight.
"My father said the same thing, aside from using your odd human words. We should hurry, since the lunch rush will probably begin soon."
"Fine by me."
"You aren't very talkative today. Are you still angry about that night in the village?"
"Rarity, can we hurry this up? I'm hungry. Chat me up while we wait for food."
"Rude." She harrumphed.
I gave a wry grin. "Posh."
"Uncouth."
"Stuck-up."
"See! You're perfectly fine with a bit of back and forth banter, just tell me what's bothering you dear."
"Rarity, I'm literally just hungr- Sorry." I accidentally barged into a short Griffin. "Yeah, I'm hungry." Pausing, I patted my pocket, noticing the distinct lack of weight.
"Motherfucker!" That Griffin had my phone. He disappeared into the crowd before leaping into the air to fly away. "Not happening."
I guesstimated where he'd be in a second or two before teleporting onto him, he was small enough that I could weigh him down pretty easily. I missed grabbing his neck but got one of his back legs, yanking him down to street level again.
The commuters trotting down the pavement parted as I tussled with him. It took a couple seconds for me to get a knee on either wing and his front claws behind his back.
"There we are. Scram, asshole." I yanked the wallet off of him and threw him away from me. He quickly disappeared into the crowd. I got up, feeling suddenly tired. "Fuck. Teleporting still takes a lot of energy to cast."
"That was very well done. Most unicorns have trouble visualising accurately when they do that kind of thing." Rarity remarked, looking in the direction the Griffin flew off. "A bit harsh though."
"I'm pretty good at it, and he deserved it." My years of gaming experience payed off. "Let's just hurry to that restaurant. I'm starving." I stumbled momentarily before I got back up, waving off Rarity's offers to take some of the baggage.
----
"Cor. This is so good." I was biting into a french ham sandwich, like, just a normal sandwich, but it's in baguette bread instead, I think it was called a jam on buerre or something like that. "Mmmmh, so god damn goooood." I gripped the thing with a hand, stretching my other arm. "Its like an orgasm after every bite."
"John! There are children present. Stop being so lewd." Rarity whispered loudly, looking across the rows of tables.
"Look around, Marshmallow. There literally isn't a single kid anywhere near us. Chill out." I took another large bite out of my sandwich, noticing a commotion outside. "What's that?"
Watching a large snake like creature slither across the main road, she swallowed a mouthful of her own food; a salad of some kind. "It appears to be a runaway circus animal..." Rarity steeled herself, putting down her cutlery. "Come, John! We must stop the beast. It is part of my duty as an Element of Harmony."
"C'mon, it's a single circus animal. Can we just eat? Also, you are the Element of Harmony in this situation. Not me."
She sighed in disappointment. "Fine. Since you believe it is not your problem, I won't make you go. Enjoy your sandwich." Rarity frowned, galloping out into the street.
"Yeah, that trick won't work on me." I continued munching the baguette. "Nope." Finishing the sandwich, I burped and stood up. "Eh, fuck it. Twilight probably wouldn't like knowing I abandoned her to fight a ferocious monster." The lecture wouldn't be worth the satisfaction of calling Rarity on her bluff of going without me. I tried teleporting through the window onto the street.
Zipping out of the restaurant, I felt that crushing tiredness again. "Fuck. I really need to work on my magic more." I'd been trying to do so, but I kept putting off training. Mainly because I hadn't started teleporting yet.
God, I wish Lavan was here. It was much easier doing all this shit when he was at the helm.
"Rarity! You stuck up bitch! I'm on my way!" She was still galloping after the snake thing. "Fucking hell, I forgot how fast those mares are in a straight line." They can fucking sprint like horses... oh wait.
I pointed at a rather bulky looking pegasus. "Hey you! I'll pay you 50 bits if you can catch me up to that white unicorn mare over there!" I flashed the small bag of bits.
He took a moment to consider it. Nodding, he took the bits, before flying away at top speed, leaving me low on bits and still chasing after Rarity.
"You fucking shitbag!" I thought of taking a shot as his wings before realising that it would be a bad idea. "Fuck it. Running through traffic it is then." I ran directly into the road, dodging past a chariot moving past. Another was on the other side, following the path that Rarity was taking, so I took a running jump, grabbing onto the back of the vehicle. The snake creature was still a ways away.
I quickly clambered on top of the chariot, picking out Rarity by her purple mane. I was catching up to her, thankfully.
Ahead, the snake seemed to have come to a stop, coiling around a large fountain, with its tail, it slapped away a group of public bins, launching them towards me. I dropped, feeling the rushing wind as the rubbish flew over me.
"What the fuck is that thing?" I mumbled, standing back up.Rarity was closer now, but she had just disappeared into the dense crowd. As the road curved , I hopped off, cursing as I scuffed up my knees. "Rarity!" I shouted. "She must already be dealing with it. Stupid crayon horses and their god damn bullshit." She was being too reckless. I pushed aside various Ponies and Griffins, earning a couple deserved insults and cursing.
As I entered the town square, I could see Rarity trying to figure out a way to deal with it. "Oh, John. You came? I thought you were too busy enjoying your food?" She sniped.
"I finished. Got any ideas on how to deal with this thing?"
"Don't look at me! Aren't you supposed to be a guard?"
"Well that doesn't qualify me t- shit!" The snake slammed its tail down where I was standing, causing me to dodge and push Rarity out of the way. "Know any binding spells?"
"Not my forte, darling. Was more into barriers. Give me some cloth however... LOOK OUT!" the snake opened its face, its mouth splitting into three different jaws while a group of tentacles shot out.
"Find something! I'll distract it." I used a lot of weak fire in an attempt to scare it off, opposed to hurting it. Mainly because it would have been too taxing to put any real damage into it.
Rarity galloped off as I continued to deal with the serpent. It was clear from the face opening like it did that I wasn't just dealing with an enlarged snake, but I had no idea what it was.
I spewed more light flames into its face, occasionally dodging an errant whip of its tail.
After a few minutes, I was finding it harder to deal with the snake, my reserves running low. Rarity was still nowhere to be seen and the crowd had pretty much dissipated, finally realising it wasnt a smart idea to stick around while a huge rampaging beast was flailing itself around.
This was going to take a while.
--A torn page--
The jungle was oddly silent.
'We are close now.' Death whispered in her puppet's ear.
"Good." The crunching of various leaves underhoof broadcast the presence of the Necromancer to anything within the vicinity.
'The gates of Xibalba were quite the feeding grounds for some of the older gods. Many were sacrificed here, but unfortunately for them, the gods in question were long dead. Which leaves much pittance to be harvested just beyond the threshold.'
Eventually, the delapedated constructs became visible past the copse of trees. Ancient stone, almost completely overtaken by vegetation, and it some cases held together by it.
A river stood between them and the temple, the rushing rapids would have been damaging even to this body, so he was forced to expend energy on a teleport, wasteful, but necessary.
'Do you hear that?' Death asked, her quiet tone sparking interesting her charge.
"What?"
'Listen closely.'
Lacking ears to listen closer with, he cast another spell to amplify the strength of his hearing.
Wrrrryyyy... it was an animalistic, guttural noise, coming from the temple itself.
'Be ready. One of the old guards may still be here.'
"You talk of the old gods and their guards. Who are they?"
'The ones who came before. Their names are almost forgotten now. I believe the only one who might have an iota of them is Destruction's avatar, or maybe some of his friends. I have felt a few humans pull themselves from the coil, momentarily.'
"There are more of them?"
'Yes. I have a feeling it will not slow down either. His avatar is living up to his calling, he has already caused a great disaster, if I remember correctly.'
"You are not welcome here." A voice spoke from the darkness. The necromancer looked up. "You stand before Camazotz. Begone, intruder."
'The bat. I remember now.'
"I smell the rot on you. The passage has been sealed for eons, you may not enter here."
"We need to get in."
"We?" Camazotz dropped from the sealing, catching himself on his wings and gliding to the floor. "Yes...Maybe you can enter. Ah Puch, are you there?"
Ah Puch?
'The name of one of my previous charges. Quite a penchant for suffering, he had.'
"Yes. He is here. Within me." The necromancer said, the bat sniffing at his skeletal face.
"These bones have been prepared." He nodded. "It is good to hear of one of the old ones. Much time has passed since the abandonment of the temples." Camazotz explained. "You have taken the form of this equine creature. What is it, with wings as grand as Kukulkan himself and a bladed horn?"
Death took over the Necromancer's mouth. "A new breed. After the humans perished."
"Mmm, very good. Would not do well for you to be suffering in weak body. Come. I lead the way." Camazotz clambered into the darkness, and the undead quadraped followed.
How have ponies never heard of this creature before, this Camazotz?
'Changelings have occupied the south for many years. Most ponies dont even realise anything exists below the border, just desert. In fact, I suspect the only other creatures aware that the south even exists is probably limited to us, Destruction, the human, and the princesses.'
It does not surprise me that ponies were not smart enough to look, but what of the griffon, the minotaurs, and the other greater races?
'Maybe the ponies are not as alone in their idiocy as you once thought?'
I refuse to believe that.
'Suit yourself.'
Camazotz sniffed at the air. "Odd. Smell is closer than before. Sacrifices not able to make it out of pit."
"Can you deal with them?"
"Death is within your dealings, I simply protect temples and kill intruders."
"Of course."
'In the wall to your left.'
The necromancer's horn glowed, shaking as magic seeped from his side, sharpening to a point before stabbing into the mess of vines. He dissipated the magic, the rattling horn let out one last spark before they continued onwards.
The thrum of energy became more intense the closer they were to this 'Xibalba'. Simply standing here would have killed most creatures, evidenced by the various skeletons of rats and a dried husk of a changeling that was littering various steps, the body having collapsed into smaller parts and rolled down the stairway.
"Have we crossed the threshold?" The Necromancer asked.
"See yourself." Camazotz motioned his winged arm as the stairway opened up into a cavern, various statues strewn around with several undead crowding around them, piked upon stalagmites.
Disgusting.
'This is a place for those who have commited many crimes. Did you think they would be treated kindly?'
"I did not think that you would keep them like this for so long. These are humans, correct?"
Camazotz shrugged. "Human, not human. Does not matter. They been kept like this since others left."
'That would be a couple million years, give or take.'
How do we go about taking their...energy, was it?
'Pittance. You steal their suffering. They will be yours when you are done. Some are experienced warriors, so they would have no trouble taking care of a few guards with the strength I give them. Strength you will benefit from.'
"Camazotz." The bat pricked an ear, his attention undivided. "I will be truthful. I am here to take these undead with me, I need them to deal with some unsavoury elements."
"You no need to ask me. I am guard. You are lord, you be knowing that if you were actual Ah Puch. I tell difference, see. You kinder than him, weaker. But you smell same. I trust nose more than eyes." He tapped at his pig-like nose, snorting.
The necromancer descended, taking his first steps into the unholy ground.
Approaching the closest statue, one of the hollow corpses reached out, trying to tear at him.
'Stand near the statue, I shall drain it of its power. It will hurt you. A lot.'
"No matter the cost, I shall have my revenge." He steeled himself, pressing a hoof to the rock before Death pierced the rock.
----
Home. The church tower. The chiming bell.
Where am I? The Necromancer asked himself. Looking up, he could see the garden.
You are not welcome here.
----
'You are back. I know what you saw.'
"I am fine. If anything, that made it easy to see it was fake."
'Very well. Meet your thrall.'
The undead, previously staked, were now stood upright, silently waiting for orders.
"Get out of here. I need you to bridge that gap outside. The rest will need to walk over it when we are finished."
The undead dispersed, crawling, running and stumbling away at different speeds.
So obedient.
'They are much stronger than the flimsy bugs we used before. The nature of their penance cursed their bodies to reform after their punishments. As I said, Ah Puch was cruel.'
Weren't you him?
'His cruelty was his own. I am not cruel, dear.'
It disgusts me. No creature deserves this.
'Not even a pony?' Death asked as they approached another pillar.
Ponies do not suffer their own pain. They suffer the pain of those they love. That is their strength and weakness. If you aren't loved, you are cast out, since their kindness does not extend beyond their own species.
Death's tendrils shot into the pillar once more, causing more hallucinations. They were weaker than the first and more easily shrugged off.
The new group of undead was asked to bring the totems over, they complied, lifting the stone monoliths with ease.
One after another, the pillars crumbled, as more energy accumulated in his body he felt the strain reach the skeletal horn once more.
With a sharp gasp, the pain subsided. That was the last of them.
'We are done here, unless you want to go deeper?'
I'm in no mood to trek through this imitation of tartarus.
Camazotz had found himself a comfortable perch on the ceiling hooked claws digging into the rock.
"I stay here. Keep guard. Luck to you, death mage." Camazotz seemed to form back into the ceiling.
An odd creature.
'I personally found him charming.' Death chuckled.
I'm sure. Where to next?
'I believe we may have to move across the great seas. But before then I shall show you how to hide your thrall. Dead men walking tend to attract a lot of attention.'
Men?
'A human term, borrowed from a human phrase. The magic you require is known as demiplane. I can teach you what i know of it.'
----
"And that's the end of it?" I asked, looking at the giant snake bound in a net of silk thread.
The guard nodded as his fellow guardstallions began to hoist the creature away. "Yes. We've tracked down the owner, and they'll pay the relevant fees to the city. Thank you for your excellent work. Give my regards to the Element of Generosity too." Holding a quill and board in his magical grip, the guard scribbled down a few notes and disappeared into the crowd, presumably following the giant snake being dragged away.
"Well dear, i have to say i enjoyed that." Rarity was sat at a nearby bench posing for the press, who immediately jumped in the second the creature was subdued.
"Sure. And i bet your wallet is going to enjoy having to pay back the owner of whoever you got that yarn from."
Rarity's eyes widened as she seemed to remember something, "That's the thing, darling. It was a human at the store! I could barely believe my eyes, but her prench was fantastic."
My eyes widened. "Finally." Someone new. Hopefully they spoke English this time. Actually i moreso wish they're at least from the same century as me. "Rarity, could you take me there? It's pretty important we get her up to speed."
Rarity hopped off of her bench. "But of course. Let us be on our way."
----
"Comment ça, je ne peux pas la poursuivre ? elle a sauté par ma fenêtre, a volé ma soie puis s'est enfuie!" That sounded like an angry french person. A woman from the sounds of it.
Turning the corner into the store, i caught a glimpse of a short, well built woman with tan skin and short brown hair arguing with a white esrth pony with extremely long, red, curly hair
"putain de merde!?" Pretty sure that was her saying 'what the fuck?' If there's anything i remember from school about french it's that merde means fuck. "c'est bon de voir un autre humain autour."
"Sorry lady, my french isn't great." She recognised the language, thankfully.
"Allo? You are English? Do you know where anyone else is? I 'ave been 'ere for a few weeks. And it 'as been sometime since I last saw a person." The woman's demeanour changes dramatically as she gives me a once over.
"Understandable. Its been a hot minute since I've seen a human too. How'd you get here?"
She wracks her brain for a moment. "I was at the market, picking up food for dinner, my boys, they were with me, and then, everything slowed down and..." Biting back tears, she continues. "I fell unconscious, I couldn't find them. Then these horses, they find me, clothe me and help me get work here. It was all rather surreal, and I think the only reason I'm still sane is because I'm in denial."
This was my fault.
"I may be able to help." I bit down the guilt as well as I could. "You've seen the magic, right?" She nodded. "There may be a way to get back home. I've been working with some of the leaders of the horse people- ponies they call themselves." I explained.
"Yes, it is rather cute isn't it?"
"Yes, well, the best one at using magic helped me go back in time before, but it didn't work. We're trying to get it right though." I paused, trying to properly word, what I'm saying. "Basically, come with me, we should be able to get you home, at some point."
Rarity finally decided to stop hiding behind the doorway. "Yes! So please forgive us for reappropriating your silk." Wow, smooth Rarity.
"You!" She looked angry for a second, before returning the conversation to me. "Fine, I shall go with you. This one shall pay for me." She pointed at Rarity. The white unicorn flinched slightly as the woman bustled through the door, glaring at her all the while. "I shall return to my house to pack. You are welcome to join me."
"Oh, I almost forgot. Je m'appelle John."
"Your french needs work. I am Helen, it is good to meet you."
----
I was honestly more nervous than i should've been, sitting in a sofa that was slightly too low to the ground for a human to be comfortable in. Helen was packing in the other room and Rarity was softly tapping her hooves together.
"You look odd, John." Rarity stated.
"W-what do you mean?" I said, probably a little too quickly.
"You're nervous aren't you?" Rarity smirked. "I assume a lady has never invited you to her apartment like this before?"
I sighed, "Yes, Rarity. It is. You done now?"
"Oh no, darling I didn't mean it like that. You just seem rather cute." Rarity smiled coyly.
"Get over yourself. Yeah, when it comes to ponies, I can usually use my suspension of disbelief to keep me calm, but everything feels a lot more real when it comes to actual humans."
"Oh. I had wondered why. You seem a lot less tense around far more intimidating ponies."
"Can we stop talking about this? Please." Fucking stop prying.
"Sorry, I just-" Rarity began.
"Stop talking." I started to get up and walk to the bathroom, in order to stop this conversation from continuing. Lightly pulling the door closed and locking it, I stared into the mirror. "Fuck."
She'll definitely tell Twilight, and then I'll have to do some stupid shit friendship thing again. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?
I sighed, going about my business. Helen had left her phone in here, although it seemed to be completely dead. I should make sure she doesn't forget it. After washing up and drying my hands quickly with a bit of fire magic, I grabbed the phone and walked out.
Rarity had left the couch in favour of going to bother the woman in the other room, who had seemingly gotten over what happened earlier, as he could hear the both of them giggling from the room over, the door slightly ajar.
Nope, not looking through that, I ain't about to have some anime bullshit where I trip and get beaten up for being curious.
So I sat down again on the annoying couch, waiting again. I did a bit of magical meditation stuff, and accidentally burned a pillow, but thankfully i was able to turn the case inside out and nobody would ever know.
Unless they were to read this book of course.
I will find you, mark my words.
----
After an incredibly long time, the two of them had finally finished, and the two of them tossed a bunch of bags at me.
"Rarity, you hold your own stuff. And Helen, take the damn briefcase." I said from under the mountain of bags.
"Not very gentlemanly is he?" Helen raised an eyebrow.
"No. I'm not. And I also only have two arms, so I can only hold a majority of this, as opposed to all of it. Rarity is a literal horse with saddlebags and you have nothing else to do, so I'm not holding all of it."
"You make a fair point." Rarity flatly said, taking soem of the bulk from me.
Helen ended up taking one bag and a suitcase, all of which were far too small for her to use. A drawback of a world where everyone is slightly smaller than you, I suppose.
"Right, so will we be using the teleportation thing in the city hall?" Helen asked.
"The what?" I almost dropped the bags that I just picked up.
"Oh, one of my friends, a lovely florist from across the street to my shop was talking about it. There was a royal emergency recently, and one of the nobility used it."
I looked to Rarity. "And you were going to tell me about this, when?"
"I may have, erm, accidentally forgot. I wanted to see what the big fuss was about, with you, I mean."
I massaged the bridge of my nose to avoid the incoming headache. "There's fuss about me? Rarity, you're world-renowned as being best friends with several people who know me. Just ask them. Or at least don't use it as an excuse to waste time here. You know what, nevermind, we'll deal with this after we get back." The shit these ponies do sometimes.
"You're very overdramatic." Helen noted. "Let's just go."
"I don't mean to be. It probably has to do with the creature thats been fucking inhabiting my brain for several months, they're normally quite easy to anger, and I think some of that has rubbed off, frankly."
"Right. So is this like an actual thing, or do you have some kind of multiple personality thing going on here?"
"Yes, it'sreal. Let's just go." I gave up on dealing with Diamondbutt. "This should at least get us to Canterlot."
"Are all the puns they use here so egregious?" The other human asked. "Every time I hear a location, it pains me."
"Nah." I paused for dramatic effect. "They get worse. A lot worse."
"Fantastic. Are we traveling to the town of Humansville?"
"No." Another pause for dramatic effect. "We'll be going to Ponyville."
I can almost feel the mental wound that was just inflicted upon her. "You're kidding, right?" I stay silent, a devious smile crossing my face. "Right?"
Refusing to answer the question, I moved forward.
----
Getting to the teleportation area was pretty simple, I just showed them Rarity and all the security got hand-waived. At that pont it was simply a matter of waiting for them to ensure the safety of the portal, which didn't take much at all, since it had been used very recently.
"So how have you been getting on in this place? You seem like you've been here longer."
"Very well. I got magic."
"Damn. I didn't get any of that. Would be nice to learn something like that and have it for when I get back home."
"Yeah. Its a lot of fun." I smiled. "Especially blowing things up, and teleporting, I'm improving quite quickly honestly."
"Well good for you." She paused. "Wait, are you not coming back?"
I folded my arms, "Nah. I really don't want to go back to a normal job and paying rent. Also, my family and friends all believe I'm dead, so..."
"I feel like you should've mentioned the family thing first." Helen said, a concerned look on her face.
"Eh, never a particularly great relationship with them." I shrugged as a pony waved us over. "There we go."
The auburn unicorn in charge informed us about the safety protocols and how not to get telefragged. It was a really long spiel and I can't remember most of it, let alone be bothered to write it all down.
"It's a shame, really. I was hoping to explore around Maris for a while." Rarity sighed.
"Then come back here with Twilight and the rest. They'll enjoy it. Probably." I was very thankful for the excuse that Helen's presence gave me to hurry this along, since without her, Rarity probably would've had me acting as her chauffeur in Maris and on the cruise back.
"Oh hush darling, spending time with us isn't that bad, is it?" Rarity asked.
"No, I just have more inportant things to do. Like learning magic."
"You need to make sure you aren't just doing that. We're worried about you, you know. You seem generally more sour these days."
"Rarity, I appreciate the heart to heart, but can we deal with this later?"
"See! This is what I mean. It's not healthy to just skirt around these conversations."
"Not now, Rarity." The unicorns conducting the teleportation ritual flared the magic on their horns, arcing into a rising ring of arcane energies before there was a flash of pink and we were stood on marble floors once again. The sharp temperature change was made apparent as the sun beamed through a stained glass window depicting some manner of harmonious pony stuff.
"Toasty." Helen said, pulling off her coat. "Where are we?" She looked around at the mostly pristine room.
"America, basically. I had theories that Canterlot was built on Yellowstone, but I ended up being wrong, so I couldn't exactly tell you where, in Earth terms. We're a couple miles away from the place where we can send you home, follow me." We began our mini tour of the castle as I did my best to figure out what floor we were on and where the throne room was.
"Oh, magnificent. Is there another portal we're going through?"
"Nope. Unless we just waltz in on the princesses."
"Wait, you can do that?" The woman raised an eyebrow incredulously.
"The guy I was sharing my mind with is a very good friend of the princess, also I'm a friend of theirs too. If they're in, we may be able to just walk over and ask someone to voop us back to Ponyville."
"You were being serious about that?"
"Yup, I told you i had a fun time here."
"Certainly an eventful one." Helen stared up at many of the glass windows we passed by. "This... isn't a dream is it?"
"If it has, that's kinda fucked up." I turned a corner, seeing a particularly goofy looking statue of some unicorn general with a broken horn and remembering exactly where we were. "Right, there should be a set of stairs coming up." We spent the rest of the walk to the throne room fairly quietly. Rarity didn't really inerject at all for some reason until we entered the throne room.
"Well, I suppose I can stick around in Canterlot for a short time, I shall see you back in Ponyville, John." Rarity turned to Helen. "It was nice meeting you darling, and I wish you the best of luck." With something akin to a curtsy, Rarity trotted away, leaving the pair of us outside of the throne room.
"Whenever you're ready." I asked, as Helen nodded in affirmation.
And with that, I pushed open one of the double doors into the large cavernous throne room, where the big horse herself was positioned, enjoying what seemed to be a fairly slow court day. There was only one petitioner today, explaining something about map sales. Sunbutt seemed to be in the middle of approving it as we walked in, almost dropping her seal as she saw Helen enter the room.
"Thank you, True Bearing. The issue shall be resolved as soon as possible." The stallion, True Bearing, seems as shocked as Celestia when he saw two Humans stood behind him, hurrying out of the room with wide eyes.
"So..." I slapped my hands together. "How've you been?" Helen was half in awe of Celestia, and half done with my shit.
"Hi. I'm Helen, I'm another human. I was told that you could send us to," she turned to me. "Ponyville, was it?"
"Yeah." Celestia tilted her head curiously at Helen. "Gigahorse? You in there?" Some of the guards bristled at that.
Celestia snapped out of her stupor, shaking her head slightly. "Ah, yes. You need me to teleport you, I'm guessing?"
In my head, her voice rang out. 'We need to talk about the ramifications of this later. For now, I'll send you to Twilight.'
"Pretty much. Time is very literally of the essence here." I readied my stomach for the sensation of puking that I usually experienced with this kind of teleportation before Celestia nodded.
"Lavan sends his regards as well, John."
----
In the next instant, yellow light flashed around me and I heard Helen retching as she sat on her knees.
There was a small clatter, and my head fell on to something soft. "Damn, probably should've mentioned that." I clutched at my head before looking up and hitting my head on something purple. "Ow. Where did she pop us out at?" Pulling my head back, it seemed that i had landed directly on a rather fuzzy lavender pillow.
Wait. That isn't a pillow, that's Tiwlight's belly.
"John! Where did you come from? Oh, you've found another human." Twilight seemed oddly unsurprised.
"You're comfy." I paused. "So can you send her back?" I began to push myself off of her, noticing that I had landed half on the weird holotable, and had spilled a cup of tea when I landed.
"I should be able to." Twilight surrounded the cup in a purple glow before all the liquid seemed to flow back into the cup, in reverse. "Oh, you'll be happy to know we made a few breakthroughs in Chronomancy while you were gone. A few new spells, even."
"Cool beans. Hey, you mind if I go to my room while you set that stuff up? Its been a long day." I dropped a bunch of bags on the floor. These are Rarity's. Spike will probably take them if you ask. I'm gonna go write and then nap. Wake me up if you need help."
She won't need help., I thought as i mustered most of the magic i had in my to teleport directly into my room from the main atrium of the castle.
My feet, legs, and my shoulders ached from walking around with a hunch of bags on me for an extended period of time, but i jotted down all the main points of this whole event, magicked my clothes off and crawled into bed.
Damn, its felt like ages since I'd last written in that diary.