Diaries of a Madman

by whatmustido

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety-Three

We appeared right back in the glade, unfortunately. I was kinda hoping to keep the memory train rolling. “What’s up?” I asked.
“Your filly has finished her message,” my guide said. “As has one of your marefriends. Are you prepared for them?”
“One at a time, preferably. And which marefriend?” I never thought I’d get to ask that question.
“Twilight, though Celestia is currently leaving a message as we speak.”
What the fuck? She doesn’t even know me! “Well, let’s hear Taya’s.”
The guide reached out her hands to hold my cheeks and my filly’s loving words started filling my mind. “Hi mommy! I hope you’re having fun in your coma. Luna says you’ll hear anything anyone important to you says, and there’s nobody more important to you than me, so I know you’ll hear it all! So, first, you’re the best mommy ever and I’m never gonna let you forget it, no matter how much weirder the coma makes you.”
“I’m pretty sure she’s the weird one, here,” I said, crossing my arms.
“Also, Luna said you probably wouldn’t be able to feel my hugs, so you’ll just have to believe me when I say I’m currently hugging you right now. It seems like you’ve lost some color since you got here, but you still smell sooo good!” She got in real close and started sniffing and giggling. “Oh mommy, you’ll never know how much I love you… It took me ages to train you into a mostly proper mommy, but now that I’m gonna be your adorable little filly forever, it was worth it!” That made her giggle some more, which ended in her sniffing me again.
“I really, really fucked up as a parent,” I sighed.
When she finally got tired of creeping me out, she started talking again. “Anyway, Luna also told me some of what you might see in there. It doesn’t really seem fair you get to see into our memories! I wanna see into yours! So I got to thinking that maybe I should do it, too! Flo keeps telling me I’m acting weird and creepy all the time, so maybe I could use the coma to make me cuter instead of like Luna!” Burn! “But that seems like way too much time away from you, so I was just gonna have Flo or Aqua do it manually before I go in to rescue you.”
“I highly doubt either of my elementals would actually do that,” I said. “At the very least, I know Aqua won’t, because she doesn’t have permission.”
“That’s when I remembered that you probably ordered Aqua not to do that and Flo told me she wouldn’t help me, so I asked if Luna had any spells to do it. Unfortunately, she said she had been ordered not to follow any stupid orders. Since she’s crazy, I couldn’t sway her with logic and reasoning.”
“Gotta love loyalty,” I said with a smirk.
“So I finally decided to pick a pet so I could get most of what Flo calls my creepy possessiveness out on something that can’t complain about it! He’s so cute! Flo helped me train him, so he’s perfectly well behaved! I uh… I don’t think everyone approves, though…”
“Oh lord, what the hell did she get?”
“A baby cockatrice,” the guide said.
“Flo, what the fuck?”
Flo didn’t answer, not that I really expected her to. Instead, Taya continued. “Well, they’ll get over it. Especially if it actually does help make me less creepy! Although I still think your robot is exaggerating.” That made her pause for a moment. “No, not our robot, her robot. You may be in my head, but you aren’t mine! Now hush, I’m having a heartfelt talk with mommy! Although… You can talk to her, right? So we could have a conversation?” She paused again before sighing. “Oh.”
“Man, I feel like I’m in for a long haul,” I sighed.
Sure enough, it was a very long talk. She dedicated the first few hours to talking about how much she loved me and going into all the reasons why. Most of them revolved around me saving her, giving her an awesome life, being the best mommy ever, and all the belly rubs and ear scritches.
The second batch of hours was spent talking about all the classes she had been taking and how cool learning so many new ways of blowing shit up was. Apparently there were also a few cute colts who were starting to pay attention to her, which was a nice plus. She may have even made a friend, which was only a little shocking.
The third set was spent on her gushing about how awesome traveling with everyone has been and how she’s had so much fun killing things with me. It included a description of a few of the events from her point of view. That part was actually extremely interesting and I had a feeling I’d be seeing some of them personally when the coma progressed that far. I was actually left with several questions I wanted to ask my adoring little filly, but it would have to wait.
Fourth, she filled an hour discussing how great it would be when Twilight and I got married and she had two mommies to train. It included matching our outfits and hair, training in combat together, and working on ways to create a weird magical lesbian spawn so she could have more siblings. Although she admitted she would also be okay with adopting some others, if it came to that.
And finally, she spent two hours talking about how much fun she’d have fighting in the Tartarus war, which kinda made me feel bad about having to explain that she wouldn’t be there. But that would be a problem for future me, so I put it out of my mind.
She finished her talk with explaining just how much she loved me, which took her an additional fifteen minutes. The poem she wrote to express it was cute, but a little weird. The last thing she said was that Twilight was waiting her turn, so it was no surprise that I started hearing her voice next.
“I got here while Taya was talking about how great it would be for us to get married, Navi. It got me kinda thinking… Well, I know this coma is supposed to help you make up your mind about a lot of things. And according to Luna, you can hear what we say. So maybe my words will help sway your mind. I’ve been with you since your beginning, Nav. Ever since you were created, we’ve been butting heads. I know we can both admit that we’ve molded each other for the better.”
“For the most part,” I muttered.
“That’s something you need to remember when looking at all of your options. Moonbeam may be changing into something better, but her personality is still very domineering. She wouldn’t change herself to make you happy. Fleur is a high and mighty Canterlot mare. You may have tempered her some, but I can tell she’s almost as controlling as Moonbeam.”
“As if you can really talk.”
“I know you’ve complained before about my… possessiveness. Unlike some of your other paramours, I’m not so old and set in my ways that I can’t fix things. Of course, that comes with the obvious addition that I’m not the only one with things to fix.”
“Which is obviously fair, of course,” I said with a shrug.
“It’s not fair for me to nitpick while you can’t talk back, so we can discuss it all later. After all, I’m sure I have a few other habits you find annoying. Compromise is the cornerstone of all relationships and all I want out of any partner is complete fairness. I do still think we should try and score Princess Gilda as well, though. That would give you a royal title and a cute little princess to corrupt. She has her brother’s permission at this point, so all you need to do is say yes and it’ll be official!”
“I honestly find it weird that my marefriend is trying to get me to marry another woman,” I said. “But I guess it’s just par for the course, at this point.”
“Although I’d still be just as happy to have you all to myself, of course. You know our minds work well together. Surviving this awful maze is enough proof of that, not to mention the several… lascivious books we’ve worked on. It’s hard to know the depths of your wonderful mind, but I think I’ve gotten enough of an understanding to say we complement each other better than most.”
“True in some ways, false in others. We clash about as often as we agree.”
“The only particular downside with me is that you wouldn’t gain any manner of dowry or title. Gilda or Moonbeam would make you royalty and there’s really no way I can compete with that. I know you always say you aren’t interested in position, but you keep talking about wanting to shape the world more. Being royalty would put you in a much better position for that. Gilda’s the perfect candidate because of it, too. We’d be in the perfect position to whisper into her brother’s ear. Between that, Moonbeam, Cadance, and Celestia, we’d have this entire continent under our control.”
“After we take Central America, at least,” I said. “Quite the lofty goal, but it does make sense.”
“My personal recommendation is to have your choice made, whatever it may be, by the time the Tartarus campaign starts. If we’re successful, things will begin rapidly changing. You’ll need a solid anchor to help you keep steady. I’m obviously the best mare for you, but I’ll understand if you make the wrong choice.” Thankfully, that last line sounded sufficiently sarcastic. “You know, as long as whoever you choose lets me have a turn every now and then. Or at least lets me watch…”
“And of course, she had to ruin it…”
Thankfully, Twilight didn’t take up nearly as much time as Taya. She did spend a few hours talking about all the good times we had, though. That included beating Trixie twice, the boring stuff we did in the Middle East, saving everyone at Cadance’s wedding, saving everyone in the Crystal Empire, surviving Athena’s maze, and a lot more lewd stuff than I expected her to talk about. Once again, hearing it all from someone else’s perspective made the stories much more interesting.
When she finally got bored of talking, she said, “Apparently you can’t feel what we’re doing, so I just want you to know I’m about to kiss you.” I’m assuming she leaned in to do so. “Alright, turns out, that wasn’t the best idea. I forgot it’s been a few days since you brushed your teeth.” That made me giggle. “I plan on visiting again, but it might be a few days. I’ve been working with Princess Gilda and a few changeling architects to build your college. She’s been surprisingly open-minded about their designs.”
“So the little birdie actually can change her tune…”
“I guess I’ll talk to you again in a few days, unless you wake up first. I’m patting your shoulder goodbye.” And just like that, things went silent for a moment before she started talking again. “As it turns out, Celestia entered the book and I can’t leave. I’m not sure why she’s here, to be honest. There’s no way you’d hear anything she says. You barely even know her now!”
“Unless she’s here to talk to Athena, of course,” I said.
“I don’t expect her to take very long and I really kinda want to watch. I just figured I’d let you know, in case you were interested. Talk to you soon, Navi!”
“That’s a pretty good point, actually,” I said. “How can Celestia talk to me in here? I’m not close to her at all yet.”
“You are the most formative thing she knows,” my guide said. “You are the one who finally defeated and tamed her. And when she came to, you were the first one to speak more than a few words to her. Not only that, but you’ve decided to treat her fairly and honestly despite having all the power over her. Had you ever been at the mercy of the mare she once was, you would no longer exist. Celestia knows this and takes it to heart. Combine that with the fact that Flo custom-built her to be the perfect wife for you and it comes as no surprise that she could speak to you in the coma.”
“...Flo did what now?” I slowly asked.
“She appears very unhappy with me,” the guide said. “Perhaps I should not have said anything…”
“I think you very much should have,” I replied. “And I think you should explain.”
“You have noticed all the details yourself,” she said. “All I can see are the facts with which you are presented. I come to different conclusions than you might, but I think we can both see what Flo’s intent was.”
“Put it to words,” I said.
“The water elementals wanted you to marry Celestia. You refused. You granted a water elemental the power to build Celestia’s mind from the ground up, but didn’t give her any conditions for it. Tell me, what do you think a self-serving entity would do when given the opportunity to subtly arrange something that was openly denied to them?”
“I guess it depends entirely upon whether that self-serving entity desires to stay in my favor or not. So, is Celestia’s message finished?”
“It is. Are you prepared to hear it?”
“I am.”
“There is something about you that draws others in,” Celestia said. “And I don’t mean charisma or leadership or even lust. There is something about you, specifically, that acts as an actual pull toward others. The mare I once was suspected it. Upon examining my older memories, I felt no such pull in any of them. But ever since you first left my side, I’ve felt myself wanting to see you again. I don’t know what it is yet, but I would like your assistance in deciphering this mystery. I believe it is a part of what made my sister lose herself so heavily, and why so many have accosted you.”
“A little late to the party, but at least she means well,” I said. “I’m surprised she’s telling me, though.”
“I hope beyond hope that this is either something you do not know or merely suspect,” she continued. “The thought that you knew about your pull and used it against us is… disquieting. Flo and Aqua hasten to your defense, but I know where their loyalties lie. I would speak to you when you leave this coma.”
“You can tell her that I found out the day I entered the coma,” I said. “And explain everything I know about it so far. I’m going to tell everyone when I get out, anyway.”
“I’m not here solely to discuss such topics, of course,” Celestia said. “I have spoken more to Moonbeam, Cadance, and Shining Armor. I believe a war on Tartarus is feasible. It will require very careful planning and execution, but it can be done. As we speak, your massive ship floats toward Canterlot, harvesting resources as it goes. Craftsponies are being teleported in as they sign up and Jak is putting them to good use. Soon, the ship will be a bustling hive of industry.”
“Sounds pretty neat. I was hoping to see it dock with the city for the first time, though…”
“And with business out of the way, I’d like to discuss something more personal. You talked about marriage with the old me more than once. I think it would be a marvelous idea and would like to formally extend the offer. In case you don’t actually hear this, I’ll make it again in person later. You’re intelligent, so I won’t waste time listing all the benefits. We could grow to be great partners. I know you’re still wary of me, so I understand you’d have to take time to consider such a thing.”
“Welp, I guess that confirms that,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I bet Blaze’s offer still stands.”
“Of course, I do not make such a declaration lightly. For any to marry me would be a grand affair, something celebrated across the globe. We could announce it after the Tartarus victory and host a month-long celebration. We can be wed at the end and declare it a state holiday forevermore! That way, we’d always have our anniversary off...”
“How much time has she spent thinking about this? Jesus.”
“That is the wrong question,” my guide said. “How far have your trusted elementals planned ahead?
“Judging by what Aqua was planning, I’d say they’ve planned ahead a few centuries. Judging by Aqua’s execution, I’d say whatever they might have been planning was doomed to fail from the start.” That made my guide giggle, at least.
I really didn’t want to be there forever, so I let Celestia continue. “Of course, should you choose one of your current paramours instead, I would highly recommend Moonbeam. For one, she’d share you. For another, locking her in as an ally would be valuable, and a ring around her horn would be the best way. And finally, she’s the one who makes you moan the most in bed, hooves down.”
“All very good reasons,” I said with a nod. “And she would be the best option if not for two things: A mysterious deal with Discord and living underground.”
“Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time. You still barely know me, after all, so I don’t even know if you’ll hear this. Have a good rest in there, Nav. If any of us deserve one, it’s… W-what are you… Get off me, you wretched ape!”
Hera’s cackling cut Celestia off. After a second or two, I heard what sounded like a horse bucking in place, along with some whinnying and more of Hera’s laughter. When Celestia started getting tired, I heard a squirt bottle followed by an indignant squawk. Thankfully, that shut everyone up.
“It’s good to hear that Hera’s making friends,” I said with a smile. “So was that the last of the messages?”
“For now. Are you prepared to return to your memories?”
“Yes.”

We flashed out of her glade and appeared in a very heavily modified version of Celestia’s chambers. Everything had been replaced by furniture-shaped bushes and the floor was dirt. Two bodies were on the floor and Cadance was on the bed with her hellspawn.
“This was when I killed the assassins as a baby,” I said. “Why are we here? This wasn’t formative.”
“Not to you, perhaps,” Moonbeam said from behind me. That’s a new one. I turned around and she was standing there with Reason. “But to Cadance, this moment meant everything.”
“So who are you?” I asked.
“I am Love,” she replied with a grin. “Surprised?”
“To be honest, a little. I was really expecting Cadance.”
“That doesn’t hurt my feelings, but it would hurt your precious Moonie’s. Who could ever know more about love than the woman who has stopped at nothing to get it for the last six thousand years?”
“I guess that’s a fair point, but the counterpoint is the woman who can make people fall in love at will and can magically create it to the point where a changeling can eat it. But you’re who my mind chose, so who am I to argue?”
“So do you really have no idea why you’re here?” Reason asked.
“I saved Cadance’s life. It was the catalyst that got her moved into my house. That led to all kinds of things.”
“And it’s why I am here,” Love said. “This was the first time someone in Equestria felt the stirrings of true love toward you.”
“...She told me I was like a brother.”
“You were, eventually,” Love said. “But this is when she first realized how truly reliable you were. Before, you did your duty as anyone would expect by saving her. Here, you acted with limited time and limited information against powerful, unknown enemies all in an effort to save her and her foal. You saved her life when she felt that she was in the safest place on the planet.”
“And in doing so, you taught her a very important lesson,” Reason said. “There is no safer place than at your side.”
“That might be a teensy bit hyperbolic,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“We have a memory for you,” Love said. “Are you prepared?”
“Sure.” Before she could move, I leaned in and kissed her.
This time, I ended up in Cadance’s room. It was her, the baby, and Skyla. “I don’t think it’s safe here,” the baby said.
“In light of recent events, I’d say it’s the opposite of safe, Shiny,” Cadance said. “I was attacked by three assassins in Celestia’s own bedroom!”
“But they were all stopped.”
“By somepony who is no longer here.” That made Shiny’s ears twitch. “Honey, I know that you are perfectly capable of keeping me safe. But you cannot protect me every minute of every day.”
“How many guards would you like? I know three right off the top of my head who would give their lives to protect you.”
Cadance shook her head. “I don’t want ponies to die for me. I would much rather them survive.”
“You know what I meant. Say the word and I’ll make it happen.”
“I don’t know… There was a full complement of guards at the palace the night I was attacked…”
“I don’t know what you want me to do,” he replied with a sigh. “I can’t always be there for you, not while trying to track everyone down.”
“I see a simple solution,” Cadance said with a cheeky grin. “Just assign Navi to be my guard again!”
“W-what?”
“I’m sure he’d love to spend more time with his favorite princess!” Her horn lit up and a scroll appeared. “I’ve taken the liberty of drafting the notice for him. Have somepony deliver it as soon as possible. He’ll need all the time he can get to present himself tomorrow morning!”
Shiny floated the scroll over and popped it open. After quickly reading it, he shook his head. “As amusing as it would be to deliver this, I’m afraid it would be pointless.”
“...What do you mean?” Cadance asked.
“It has been made clear to me that I have no authority over him. He would laugh in the face of whoever delivered it.”
“That’s inconvenient, but not surprising. Good thing I had a backup plan!”
“Oh boy… So what is this plan?”
“Skyla and I just move in with him instead!”
It actually took him a few seconds to process that one. “Uh. Why?”
“Because his house is out of the way and a fort besides, he’s so antisocial that he probably doesn’t get many guests, and I can finally study him in his natural habitat!”
“His natural habitat is among humans. I’m hesitant to entrust the lives of my wife and daughter to his hands. He’s too unpredictable.”
“Those unpredictable hands have saved my life more times than any hooves or horns ever have. Nav may be… difficult to get along with at times, but he’s extremely capable, loyal, and has the most powerful talent anyone ever could: Being in the right place at the right time. So if I’m living with him, he’ll have the home-field advantage when it comes to protecting me. That way, you can rest easy knowing your wife is safe just a single town over and put your mind to finding the villains.”
“...We have no right to just barge into his home,” Shiny slowly said.
“Sure we do. We have every right to do it, in fact. Nav is a knight of Equestria. As a princess, I have every right to seize anything of his I want. If we can’t talk him into it, I’ll just temporarily seize a room in his house.”
“No you won’t. I have a feeling that trying to force him to do anything would require getting Celestia or Luna involved. Besides, we might actually have the legal right to do it, but we have no moral right to do it. We’ll talk to Nav. If he doesn’t agree, we’ll find another solution.”
“...That probably would be for the best, to be honest. Very well then. Shall we?”
“What, you mean right now?”
“Yes.” Her horn lit up again and a large bag appeared. “I already packed!”
“I thought your plan was to just order him to come here.”
“I had a feeling that wouldn’t work. This was the backup plan. Let’s get going, then!”
Shiny just sighed.
I got booted back into Celestia’s room. At this point, the lights were on and Cadance was holding her foal and crying. “I’m really surprised she thought trying to force me to do things was a good idea,” I said. “She should have known how that would end.”
“One of the takeaways here is that Shining Armor did not allow it,” Love said. “There are many things you can say about his character, but he always seems to do what he thinks is right.”
“I’ve had my disagreements and problems with him in the past, but yeah. He’s a good person. Minus the pseudo-rape, but that’s basically the new norm these days anyway.”
“Cadance rushed to defend you at every turn,” Reason said. “Shiny’s arguments were valid, yet she did not hesitate to sing your praises.”
“Those disagreements and problems gave him a well-founded negative opinion of me. He had every right to be suspicious, although I never planned to hurt Cadance.”
“Do you regret that his opinion of you was so negative?” Love asked.
“No.”
“Such a hasty answer!” Reason said. “Surely not one that was thought out.”
“If you have something to say, don’t waste my time with bullshit.”
“Why was Shiny’s opinion of you negative?” Reason asked.
“Probably because I was a dishonest cheating scumbag.”
“And you don’t regret that?” Love asked.
“That isn’t the question you asked. I like Shiny now, but at the time, he was a self-righteous asshole who needed to get knocked down several dozen pegs. I don’t regret that his opinion of me was negative. My opinion of him was just as negative, with the addition that I knew how much of a failure he was as a lover. And for the record, regretting being a dishonest cheating scumbag is part of why I decided to do the coma in the first place.”
“That is considerably better thought out,” Reason said with a nod.
“And an understandable position,” Love said.
“So, the first takeaway here is that, despite being a self-righteous asshole at times, Shiny still did the right thing, even when it was inconvenient. The second is that Cadance knew that I was reliable and someone she could trust. On top of that, she defended me to any who doubted it.”
“You know full well how useful a grateful royal can be,” Love said.
“I’m definitely enjoying the Ambassador.”
“She knew you would,” Love said with a grin. Reason scoffed.
“Are you prepared to move on?” my guide asked.
“If there aren’t any other memories, I am.” I guess there weren’t, because her eyes flashed and things flickered.

We appeared among a group of night guards overlooking a foggy field. It took me a moment to realize we were at the war games. “I guess this is another formative moment for Shiny and Cadance, huh?”
“Indeed,” Reason said. “More Shining Armor, though.”
I turned around and finally beheld Cadance. She was standing with Reason and Pride. “So you finally show yourself. Who are you, then?”
“Passion!” Cadance happily replied. “This was the first time in a long time you felt me, wasn’t it?”
“I guess so. And yeah, I was pretty proud of what happened, too.”
“It did, of course, knock Shining Armor down several dozen pegs,” Reason said. “An action that had consequences.”
“Consequences or not, I’d say it was well worth it,” Pride said. “The look on his face when he saw you appear in front of him was fantastic!”
“So, do we have a memory for this one?” I asked.
“We have two,” Passion said. She shot forward and hugged me, kicking us into the first one.
It was Shining Armor and Cadance in a forest glade. I had a feeling that’s not where they actually were, but the stupid tree thing was acting up again. Shiny looked distraught and Cadance seemed surprised.
“What are you doing here so soon?” Cadance asked, which made Shiny flinch a little. “Nav just left for the games a couple of days ago! And why isn’t he with you?”
Her husband’s ears fell. “The games aren’t over.”
“Oh? Then what… Oh! Are you okay?”
“Physically, yes. Thankfully, we were all under a spell that meant we couldn’t really be harmed… Although your favorite human did his best to test the bounds of it.”
“Oh no… What did he do this time?”
Shiny sighed and shook his head. “I don’t even know where to start… Hay, I don’t even know the half of it myself yet! The last thing I saw before… He appeared out of nowhere, literally bucking nowhere, pouncing at me! I tried… He was on me so quickly there was nothing I could do…”
Cadance swooped in and hugged her useless butt slut. “Well, it’s over now and you’re okay.”
“I’m physically fine. But that… This will be a defeat like no other, Cadance. You don’t understand what just happened. I doubt Captain Midnight even understands half of what happened and she was there!”
Cadance pulled back, though she kept her hooves on him. “You aren’t making sense. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Shiny sagged and closed his eyes. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath and looked back up. “Navarone utterly annihilated my army. First, he almost completely wiped out our scouting patrol, so we got no information. Second, he targeted my officers in the night. Third, he led a group of disorganized troops who were chasing him into an ambush. Finally, he slipped through the shield again to target me. I don’t know what’s happening now, but I doubt it’s anything good…”
“That’s… interesting. I thought you said he knew nothing of war.”
“He said he knew nothing about war! He proves himself once more a liar!”
“Nav eats meat.” Shiny blinked. “Did you know that?”
“I did. What does that have to do with anything?”
“He’s a predator, honey. Luna says they’re naturally better at fighting and war than ponies.”
“I have trained in the art of war since I joined the academy! I don’t care how much natural talent he might have, there’s no way he could have just naturally beat me! He’s lying about his past.”
“Of that, I have no doubt. Twilight says his name isn’t really Navarone, but he still hasn’t told her the real one.”
“Pack your bags. Skyla isn’t staying under his roof for even one more night.”
“Oh? Are the assassins finally handled?”
“I can protect you just fine on my own.”
That made Cadance frown. “Don’t make me point out the obvious, honey.”
“What?”
“For one, you can’t just abandon your duties as the captain of the guard to foalsit me and Skyla all day. For two, how many different ways have ponies found around your shield?”
“None!”
“Oh? So Nav just happened to find his way into your base?” That made him grit his teeth. “And at the tournament, did you not have your shield up when he got to you?” His eyes narrowed. “Of course, Chrysalis found an alternate means through it, but her path went unhindered until Nav and I showed up to save the day.”
“...Do you seriously think you’re safer around that thing than you are around me?”
“Oh, absolutely not. He actually threatened to hit me less than a week after I got here, but in hindsight, I did kinda deserve it.”
“That’s it, I’m arresting him!”
He jumped up to storm out, but Cadance grabbed him with magic and floated him over to her loving grasp. “Nav is a liar, a rogue, and infuriating at times, but he’s not evil and he doesn’t deserve jail. I know this defeat was bitter, but you must take it as an opportunity to learn. Once you find out how he gets through your shield, you can find a way to plug the gap.”
“I know exactly how he does it. It’s that cursed magic ring of his. I don’t know why Celestia let him keep that evil thing!”
“Celestia did not. Luna did.”
“...Of course.” Shiny sighed and finally relaxed in his wife’s grasp. “Even knowing how intelligent he is, a part of me will always think of him as animalistic. There’s something feral about him.”
“Doesn’t it just pull you in?” Cadance asked. “He’s such a mystery!”
“A dangerous mystery.” Shiny finally pulled away. “It’s time to come back to Canterlot, Cadance. Abandon this fascination of yours. I know that’s why you really wanted to come here.”
“Nuh-uh! I wanted to be safe, remember?”
“...And I’m not supposed to be concerned at all that only a few months ago, you were throwing yourself at him?”
“With your permission. It has since been rescinded. Besides, his maid has his interests at the moment.” After a second, Cadance sighed. “She brags about it all the time…”
“Brags about what? Getting taken by that thing? As if that’s anything to be proud of.”
“Well well,” Cadance said with a small grin. “Perhaps you should give me something to brag about, then…”
“With pleasure,” Shiny growled.
“We’re going to take a two-minute cut,” Reason said. Just like that, we appeared in the living room of my house at the Everfree. Shiny was very angrily storming out, which made me assume he didn’t last very long at all. Either that or he couldn’t get it up at all.
Before he could get to the door, the other me opened it from outside. Time froze and the other me went black and white. No! What is he doing here?!
“I mean, I kinda lived here,” I said, crossing my arms.
Was killing me once not enough? Have you come to finish the job? Sweet Celestia, just look at those teeth…
Sure enough, the other me still looked like a night guard. I didn’t want to be around Luna long enough for her to remove the enchantment, so I just kept the look.
Wait, how is he here? I know my army is essentially headless, but surely the games couldn’t already be over! Surely… he was struck down after targeting me! At least my soldiers got vengeance against this monster!
“Wow, hurtful.”
With that last smug thought in his head, Shiny brushed right past the other me without a word and started walking toward town.
That ended the memory and put me back on the field of battle. Blossom was leading the ground army now, with me leading the air assault.
“Talk about a drama queen,” I said. “Shiny was such a baby.”
“Pride cometh before the fall,” Reason said. “Very wise words delivered to ears that were not capable of listening, at least not then. His mind was too full of rage and bitterness.”
“Defeat is a bitter pill to swallow,” Pride said. “Given that it was a complete and total defeat, it was even worse.”
“Generally speaking, defeat means there’s a lesson to be learned,” I said. “He chose not to learn the lesson and instead got all uppity and shit.”
“It would be difficult not to,” Passion said. “Internal politics in Canterlot can be troublesome. Are you prepared for the next memory?”
“Sure.” One of her wings reached over to boop me.
This time, I appeared with Celestia and Shining Armor. I don’t know where we were supposed to be, but we were currently in a vast field of blooming cherry blossom trees. The petals were very distracting and I kept hearing echoes of laughter and conversations all around us.
Thankfully, the main conversation drowned most of it out. “I hope you understand why I find these reports… troubling,” Celestia finally said. She sounded just disappointed enough to know she was only pretending.
“Of course I understand, Princess,” he said. “This was probably the most devastating defeat we’ve ever had.”
“Not probably, Captain. Definitely. So I have to ask myself… Why did this happen?” She paused a few seconds, either for effect or to see if he would speak up. When he didn’t, she sighed and continued, “But that’s when I remember that I keep others around to answer questions like that for me. So tell me, why did this happen?”
“Navarone.”
Celestia waited about ten seconds before tilting her head. “You say his name as though it’s an answer. Are you telling me that a single human is better than five hundred ponies in a war?”
“Of course not!”
“Then Navarone is not an answer! Why did this happen, Shining Armor? Why are the newspapers scorning my day soldiers? Why are ponies laughing at my army? Why do I have letters here from Chrysalis, Bloodbeak, and even Jim bucking Johnson mockingly offering my army training?!”
“When you tell a wolf to lead a pack of sheep, is it any surprise they all start acting like wolves?” Shiny bitterly asked. “The night guards are half-feral, same as the monster who leads them. Did you read my report about how he struck me down?”
“I did,” Celestia said. “And I have to say, I’m extremely impressed by his capabilities.”
“What?! He’s an animal!”
“He’s a wolf among sheep, Captain,” she said. “And you will watch your tone with me if you want to keep that title. You may be a prince now, but this defeat is all I need to kick you out of the army entirely. As if what happened with Chrysalis wasn’t enough. Perhaps it’s time to put a wolf back in charge, after all. Luna’s been pushing for it for a while now…”
“I would never stand for placing Navarone in charge of the guard,” Shiny very coldly replied. “Nor would any of my officers.”
“You don’t have to stand for it. None of you would, in fact.” She finally stood and leaned in very close to Shiny, who stood his ground. “You would all hang for it.” His eyes finally widened. “Do you believe that failure should be punished? Well, what greater failure is there than losing your entire army with only twenty kills to show for it? And worse, surrendering like cowards before a larger force. It is entirely within my right to replace you with Navarone and replace any officers who dissent with whoever he pleases.”
“The entire army would mutiny!”
“Then it’s a good thing we’ve proven that Navarone can defeat the entire army. You have twenty-four hours to have an answer to every single one of my questions, Captain. If you don’t, you better have a resignation letter instead. You are dismissed.”
We got back into the main memory right as the battle was ending and the night guards were cheering. “Man, what a bitch,” I said. “Somewhat justifiably, but still.”
“Failure should be punished,” Reason said. “If this wasn’t the wakeup call that Shining Armor needed to get his act together, then Celestia really would have been better off replacing him.”
“I can’t deny that. He didn’t seem all too effective. Powerful, but not the best leader. Still, hanging seems kinda extreme.”
“And losing your entire army isn’t?” Passion asked.
“Well, of course he lost his entire army,” I said. “He was going up against me.” Pride and I high-fived again, since he knows what I’m talkin’ about. “So what’s the takeaway from this?”
“Your princess was pleased with your work,” Passion said. “You did exactly as she asked by humiliating Shining Armor. But in doing so, you made his life difficult.”
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?” I asked.
“And in making life difficult for him, you made life difficult for Cadance.”
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? She’s the one who married an idiot.”
“You feel no loyalty to her?” Passion asked. “After all you’ve witnessed here, you feel no sympathy for her?”
“Of course I feel loyalty to her and of course I’m grateful that she defended me. But if you want me to feel bad for winning the war games, I don’t really know what to tell you. I’ve gotta side with Pride on this one: I did an excellent job. It isn’t my fault Shining Armor was a sore loser and let things deteriorate with his wife because of it. The passion I felt during the games is a good part of why I’m so proud of it. This was the first time in a long time I did something so well that not even my internal demons could find fault with it. I’m happy with the way things turned out, even if it affected Shiny negatively.”
“A reasonable response,” Reason said. “It isn’t fair to ask you to feel regret for another’s temperament.”
“How closely are you related to the forms you take?” I asked. “Are you defending Shiny so much because he’s your body’s husband?”
“I am merely asking questions,” Passion replied. “As is our role.”
“Eh. The extra context for the war games was neat, but I don’t see anything I need to take away from this. Maybe Shiny should try a coma of his own.”
“Shining Armor had the willpower to change without needing one,” my guide replied. “Are you prepared to move on?”
“Yes.”

When we appeared this time, it was in Celestia’s bedroom. Celestia and past me were on the bed. Luna and Twilight were standing over us, both wearing… interesting expressions.
“I wasn’t expecting him to choose that method to keep her asleep,” Luna said. Both of their horns were lit up, so I assumed they had a way to make sure we wouldn’t hear them.
“Seriously?” Twilight asked. “I assumed that would be his go-to choice. So, shall we?”
“We shall!” Luna’s horn lit up and I teleported onto the floor. She eased into the bed next to Celestia and Twilight used magic to put her to sleep. Twilight’s horn lit up again, making Celestia and Luna both light up. A moment later, Celestia’s eyes opened and she teleported Luna away.
“That went better than I was expecting,” Twilight said. “What should we do with Nav?”
“He’ll be suspicious if he wakes up back in Ponyville. Leave him here. I’ll send him on his way in the morning, with a suggestion to leave my beloved sister be for a month or two.”
“Excellent. I’m going to go check on Celestia and make sure she’s under the covers.”
“I must admit, this idea of yours is impressive. I doubt it will end as you expect, but I think my sister could use a few days off.”
“Would you mind sending me a few updates via Spike? I wanna see how long it takes her to really start freaking out!”
“Of course. Now, allow me to cuddle with my lovely human. It has been denied me for far too long.”
Twilight didn’t say anything as Luna floated me back into the bed, but when I was secured in her hooves, Twilight cleared her throat. “What… exactly… are your plans for Nav while he’s here?”
Luna stared at the purple mare for an uncomfortably long time before she quietly said, “Cuddling. And then when he awakens, he will be sent on his way.”
“And nothing else?”
“What exactly are you implying, Twilight Sparkle?” Luna very coldly asked.
“Nothing! I’ll uh… I’ll go check on your sister now!” Twilight’s horn lit up and she vanished.
Luna sighed and snuggled me closer. “I want nothing more, yet it wouldn’t be right… I’ve hurt you too much to take advantage of you yet again…” With that, her eyes closed and she fell silent.
“Well, that was slightly different,” I said. “I’ll admit, this prank was a bad idea from the beginning. I should have forced Twilight to tell me what she was planning and I should have stopped it before it happened.”
“All of that is true,” Reason said. “And yet not why we are here. Do you recall what else happened in this time?”
“Well, Twilight was being haunted by Aerie. I didn’t realize it until later, though. I assume she had been following me since she was freed at the museum, then stayed and started torturing Twilight after I got kicked out. And I guess, more importantly, I almost stood Luna up. That would have been a super dick move that was only averted because Flo either talked me out of it or forced my mind to change.”
“I would assume she used force,” Rage said. Haven’t heard that one in a while. “You had a perfect chance for revenge on a target who did so much to hurt you. And you let it go to waste.”
I finally turned to face them, since watching Luna stroke my body was getting weird. “I recognized that hurting Luna wouldn’t undo what was done to me and, while it might have made me feel better, it would only needlessly escalate tensions between me and the very powerful sisters. I still think the move I made was entirely justified, but I’m happy that Flo talked me out of it. I’d be considerably less happy if she forced me out of it.”
“If you think it was justified, why are you happy you didn’t do it?” Rage asked.
“Because pissing off the royal sisters isn’t wise. I didn’t think I would face any direct harm from it, but bad things happen to those who earn their ire. Also, I’m probably going to live for a very long time and having that stain on the record between me and Luna would have been awful. I could have asked for her forgiveness later on, but I would have always felt guilty.”
“...You would feel guilty, even though it was justified?” Rage asked. “Truly, you have forgotten me!”
“I don’t generally like hurting people. It may feel good in the moment, but the more I look back on the people I’ve hurt, the less and less I like doing it. The naga clan was just looking for a place to stay. Maybe I could have talked them into moving in as new residents, to revitalize the old clan-home. Calix didn’t deserve anything nice, but murder? I could have just sent him home to let Celestia deal with him. It may have been Luna’s order, but I didn’t have to humiliate Shining Armor by tearing out his throat. My actions do affect people, both positively and negatively. At the time, I wanted to hurt Luna. I wanted her to pay for what she did to me. But if I had to go back through this memory and see her suffering because of my actions, it would have hurt me more than a sword ever could.”
“I feel like that’s a better takeaway than the one we had prepared,” Reason said.
“Though it leaves me little use or purpose,” Rage sighed.
“Poorly directed rage is worse than no action at all,” I said. “It’s taken me a very long time to realize that. There is nothing wrong with getting angry and using that anger properly. I just need to start figuring out who my real enemies are, so I don’t have to worry about hating myself for my choices.”
“At the time, Luna was your real enemy,” Reason said.
“No she wasn’t. Celestia held Luna’s leash the entire time and allowed everything to happen. Luna was just a lost little child, made to take the blame for disaster after disaster. Luna did make the choices that led to me suffering, but she never would have done it if not for Celestia.”
“That would be akin to attributing all of your good deeds to Discord,” Rage said. “You just feel guilty about hurting Luna because she’s loyal to you now!”
“That… is partially true. How about this: We blame Luna for the specific deeds that she did to me, but blame Celestia for making Luna like that?”
“That’s fair,” Reason said. “But it still involves blaming Luna. Would you feel similarly bad about hurting Celestia?”
“No, because it ended up in a me-or-her type scenario. If you tack on another hundred or so years to my life, I may look back on this and wonder why I ever felt bad about hurting anybody at all. But right now, I know that if I had gone through with standing Luna up, I would have felt really shitty about it.”
“I guess we can ask for nothing more,” my guide said. “Are you prepared to move on?”
“Yea boi!” Her eyes flashed up and we carried on.

The next place we appeared was the mall at the Googolplex. Jessica was showing us around and everyone was staring. I remember how awkward and alienating it was to be stared at by other humans. It hurt me more than the racism from the ponies ever could.
“I thought you said we couldn’t experience memories back then,” I said.
“You can’t go through memories you never actually face,” my guide said. “Any memories that happened before Discord created you are memories of the original, not your own. That said, we have no memories directly associated with any of the humans.”
“That isn’t to say we don’t have memories,” Fear said. “Your companions had a few interesting encounters.”
“None quite as delightful as yours,” Pain purred.
“And by that she means painful and traumatic,” Reason pointlessly explained.
No one else spoke up, so I turned around and saw just the three of them. “Once we get the memories out of the way, I want to ask a question,” I said. “So let’s go ahead and get started, I guess.”
“As you wish,” Fear said. With that, she reached up and poked me.
I showed up to a staring match between a very pissed off Rainbow Dash and a fairly bored-looking Doctor Me. Instead of sitting in an interrogation room, they were at a picnic table under a large oak tree.
“If you want me to talk, you’re gonna have to force me!” Dashie growled.
“For the… I don’t know, fifth or so time, we’re not going to torture you,” Anonymous said.
“Then why’d you foalnap us?!”
“...Kidnap?”
“Yeah, and kidnap Nav!”
“We wanted… Navarone. You are just interesting oddities. Although I must say, your memories are all… fascinating.”
“What? I haven’t told you anything!”
“I know. You didn’t have to. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. We’re not going to torture you… because we already know everything you know. We used nanites to extract the memories and have techs going over them now. Your flight abilities are quite intriguing, but Navarone seems to believe you can’t fly here.”
“Wha… Why’s he telling you anything?!”
“Navarone came back in time to meet a few people that he knew, and he knows me better than most. I wasn’t one he intended to meet, but God laughs when men make plans.”
“Who’s God? Is that who Nav was here to see?”
“Oh no, it seems God forsook that poor young man long ago. He came back to see his parents and his sister. I’m afraid it’s too late for his parents; he missed his mark and they’ve both passed. I’m going to see if I can arrange a meeting with his sister, though.”
“...Why help us?” Dash slowly asked.
“Interesting things do not happen very often in this bunker. Let alone something as interesting as four visitors from the far-flung future. Why wouldn’t I help you?”
“The same reason you foalnapped us and kidnapped Navarone!”
“Do all ponies really talk like that? No wonder he seemed relieved to finally be among kin.”
“...What do you mean?”
“It’s demeaning. What, are you saying he isn’t included?”
That made Dash snort. “You sound just like Nav.”
The uglier version of me grinned. “We’re closer than you think. What has Nav told you about his past?”
“Not much. He refuses to talk about it. He’ll aggressively rub the belly of anypony who keeps pushing it.”
“That statement raises a lot of questions, but they can wait. I didn’t kidnap all of you for any nefarious purposes. I did so to gain information. Luckily, Nav is a lot more cooperative than you ponies.”
“He may trust you, but I don’t. I’m glad Rarity doesn’t, either! Why would you even care? I thought you already had what you wanted!”
“I got the information I wanted, but the nanites we have don’t convey things properly. Nothing like the ones Nav discovered in the future, at least.”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh, nothing. The point is, I’d like to ask you a few questions to fill in some gaps.”
“I’m not gonna tell you a thing!”
“Good. I wanted to test the newer batch.” One of his eyes went black and what looked like lines of code appeared on it. A few seconds later, Dash twitched a few times before grinning. “There we are. What is your name?”
“Rainbow Dash, fastest pegasus in all Equestria!”
“Nice to meet you. I am Doctor Anonymous. When you first met Navarone, what did you think?”
“I thought he was a threat and that keeping him in Ponyville was a huge mistake.”
“Oh ho. And did you ever change your mind?”
“Yep! Pretty quickly, too. He ended up proving to be really useful around Ponyville. Even better, Twilight ended up falling for him!”
“He never mentioned that, so I assume it didn’t go well.”
“She chickened out and never told him. Instead, Princess Luna got her evil hooves on him.”
“Yes, he had quite a lot to say about her. Tell me about her sister, Celestia.”
“She’s the best princess ever! She controlled both the sun and the moon for a thousand years while her evil sister was banished to the moon. Luna got back recently and supposedly the evil was removed, but I don’t buy it. Not after all that happened with Nav…”
“So Celestia controls the sun and moon, hm? How?”
“Magic. It’s her special talent.”
“Have you ever seen her do it?”
“Yeah! Normally she does it privately, but she’ll occasionally do it at a few festivals. I’ve been to a couple of them. Seeing her in action is amazing!”
“Oh, I’m sure. What does Celestia ask for in return for the gift of controlling the sun and moon?”
“Nothing! She’s too benevolent to ever abuse her abilities like that.”
“And yet, she’s your princess.”
“She’s the best princess ever!”
“How did she become the princess?”
“Oh, she’s been the princess of the ponies forever! I’m not really a fan of history, though. Too much boring reading. I never really thought about it. Huh. How did she become princess?”
“Truly a mystery,” Anonymous sarcastically replied. “How does she feel about Nav?”
“Oh, the princess really likes him! He’s done a lot of work for her. He uh… doesn’t like talking about it, though.”
“I wonder why…”
“W-well… Equestria is a big place. Sometimes… I guess sometimes Celestia needs somepony to do… certain things.”
“Oh? Like what?”
“Um. I don’t know if I should talk—” Anon’s eye went black again and Dash relaxed. “Celestia sent Nav to Egypt to fight a proxy regime change war,” she almost robotically said. “Nav used a group of runaway slaves to trigger a civil war that led to a king who was more amenable to her.”
“I think that was just a little too much influence,” he said. “But it’s good to know these things work on other sapient races, too. You’re probably incapable of caring at the moment, but your mind should return to… mostly normal in about fifteen or so minutes. You’ll no longer be as combative about your presence here, because I really don’t want to hear it every few minutes, but you’ll still be yourself.”
At this point, Dash was drooling on herself and not really paying that much attention.
After a second, Anon giggled and said, “Well, until I decide to make you someone else again. It’s a shame Nav is protected by his. I wouldn’t mind sending him back with a more… singular purpose. But alas… Off you go, Miss Rainbow Dash. We’ll have more talks again later.” She slowly got to her hooves and plodded away, ending the memory.
“Well, I guess that answers the question I had,” I said. “Flo, I have a task for you. Send your sisters to find Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fancy Pants. Tell them that their minds may have been compromised while they were in the human bunker and offer to check for them. If Anon did any meddling, I want to know about it.”
“She is working on it now,” the guide said. “So what question did this answer?”
“I wanted to know if I could trust the humans, if bringing them forward in time would be wise.”
“Those are two different questions,” Reason said. “You can trust the humans to be humans, with all the good and ill that entails. Just as you can trust the ponies to be half-fae, half-animal.”
“Do you think that the humans would try to take everything over if I brought them forward?”
“We only have the information you have,” my guide said.
“That’s complete bullshit. You’ve been showing me memory after memory I have no way of accessing outside of this spell. Not only that, but you have a different kind of insight and thinking that lets you come to conclusions I never could. From everything I’ve seen, questions like this are the point of this coma.”
“What do you think?” Reason asked.
“I think it was unfair that the humans went extinct. I like the idea of bringing them forward in time. I just don’t think I trust Anon not to try pulling some shit.”
“Then why not pick an alternate option?” my guide asked. “You want to save humans, but you don’t trust the other you. So why not save other humans? You have the power of time travel at your fingers, not to mention all the time in the world to pick the perfect time. So pick a different group of humans from any point in time that won’t try to do anything dumb and bring them forward instead.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about! That’s a good idea that I had never considered. Fuck those megacorps Google douchebags. I can go rescue some Chinese peasants from the Mongols or something and call it a day.”
“That option does mean you lose out on any possible technology from them,” Reason said.
“Flo has the memories from the laptop in her head. That has the plans for everything we need and I have all the time in the world. It’s an idea I’ll toy with in my mind for a while. So what’s the takeaway from this memory?”
“That you can’t trust Anonymous,” Fear said.
“Ah. Do we have any other memories?”
“We do!” Pain said. She jumped forward to glomp me.
This time, we actually appeared in one of the bedrooms in the bunker. It was Rainbow Dash, Fancy Pants, and Rarity, though Rarity was paying more attention to the anime she was watching than to the conversation.
“I’m worried about Nav,” Dash finally said. “Being locked up like this by his other humans is doing something to his head.”
“If Nav is well enough to be mean to me, he’s still doing pretty well,” Rarity idly replied. “And I’d say locking me in here with that… smut was fairly mean.”
“You mean the smut you rubbed yourself off to?” Dash huffed. “Everypony knows, Rarity! Stop hiding from yourself and just admit it!”
“I refuse to dignify that with a response.”
“You were talking about Nav?” Pants said. “I… have noticed that he doesn’t quite seem himself.”
“He’s not himself!” Dash said. “That’s part of the problem!”
That finally got Rarity’s attention, somehow. She paused her weird cartoons and turned around. “I can say many things about Nav, quite a few of them negative. One of which, that he would likely call a positive, is that he has very much so always been himself. Not only has he always been himself, but he’s also always seemed quite certain about it.”
“Not anymore,” Dash sighed. “Not after what he found out. Apparently he isn’t the original… Nav, I guess. That creepy Doctor Anonymous is the real one! Nav’s just… I dunno, some kind of magical clone that Twilight created!”
“That’s legitimately ridiculous,” Rarity said. “I didn’t get much of a chance to study Anonymous, but from what I saw, he’s nothing like Nav!”
“It’s also been forty or more years,” Fancy Pants said. “I am no longer the pony I once was, I can assure you. If it’s true, Nav was created at one of his race’s most formative moments. The things he has been through have turned him into something radically different than anything a life here could have ever produced.”
“That… is true,” Rarity said. “How did you come by this information, Rainbow?”
“Nav spoke with Anonymous and apparently they had a way of telling. I guess… I mean, if I met myself from ten years ago, I could easily confirm it. There are so many things that only I know, that I’ve never told anypony. In Nav’s case, if there was something he never told anypony and he completely disappeared from the past before he ever could, and then he meets this guy who happens to know those secrets, then it’s obvious.”
“So why is Nav upset?” Rarity slowly asked.
“Are you seriously asking that question?” Dash asked. “Look at this bucking place! Anon’s in charge of all of it! And I bet he never had to go risk his life against his will to help an ungrateful group of sadistic rapist cats fight their way across the desert! Or go back to the same group of cats as a diplomat and have to act all buddy-buddy with them!”
“Nav hasn’t been telling me the right stories,” Pants said. “And I have very clearly missed out. However, I can safely say that Doctor Anonymous was never forced to travel through an evil, cursed forest at the behest of the insane princess who enslaved him. He also wasn’t forced to escort the most hated tyrant of all time at the most prestigious event in Canterlot.”
“...I suppose we all have our stories about Nav,” Rarity said. “And I suppose you are correct. He has not had an easy life. But from what Nav has told me, his life here in the past wasn’t the greatest either. Neglected by his parents, almost killed by a friend, basically invisible and tiny… The grass is always green, no matter where, who, or when you’re talking about. If Nav is bemoaning his fate because another version of him has it different, then perhaps we should strive to point out the good in his life.”
“Forgive me, this is all so surreal,” Pants said. “How could Nav have been created? What are the chances that he’d meet himself? How are we talking about any of this like it’s normal?”
The intercom suddenly clicked on, surprising everyone. “You’d be surprised what you can start to call normal,” Ryan’s voice said. “I never thought I’d consider a talking pony normal, yet here I am watching three of them have a conversation.”
“I’m almost at the end of this season,” Rarity said. “Do you have another recommendation?”
“Don’t fraternize with the enemy!” Dash shouted. “You’re falling for their propaganda!”
“That’s a fair point, actually,” Ryan said. “Nobody expected Japan to pull what they did. They seemed helpless and quirky for so long, then—”
“Get outta here!” Dash shouted, throwing a pillow at the ceiling. “Nopony asked you anything!”
“Yes I did,” Rarity said.
Before she could continue, Dash shoved a hoof in her mouth. “We’re talking about how to help Nav!”
The intercom clicked one more time, just so the guy could say, “Inuyasha.”
I don’t know what that meant, thankfully, and they all ignored it. Rarity removed Dash’s hoof with disdain. “So how exactly are we supposed to help the one who goes the furthest out of his way to avoid being helped?” Rarity asked.
“I dunno,” Dash said with a shrug. “That’s why I’m wasting time with you squares instead of helping him!”
“You’d be surprised what can be accomplished with trickery and deceit,” Pants said. “Nav may be wily in some ways, but he’s young and not too difficult to manipulate. What usually cheers him up?”
“Violence,” Rarity said. “Especially against fashion.”
“And sex,” Dash said with a nod. “Although I don’t know if either of those really cheer him up. They just make him less sad.”
“So we either need to manipulate him into fighting or manipulate him into getting laid.”
“I don’t think we’d need to do much manipulation for either,” Rarity said. “They both seem to come naturally for him. I’m fairly positive he’s already slept with at least one human, judging by some of the questionable fluids I found in the hall.”
“And he’s also already been in a fight,” Dash said. “Which was really scary, since someone had what Nav called a gun. He said it could have killed either of us instantly!”
“If you are calling it scary, it must have been terrifying,” Rarity said.
“Hey, I can’t fly and we’re completely surrounded by humans all around us. I told Nav we should try to escape and he told me we wouldn’t even make it to the end of the corridor. He knows what they can do!”
“Which is why I am quite content to sit here and consume my propaganda instead of trying to go and get killed,” Rarity said. “But if Nav is suffering, it is our duty to help him. He apparently dislikes anime, but he did seem to like movies. Perhaps we should try to watch more with him.”
“Nav came back in time to be with humans,” Pants said. “Perhaps giving him a chance to do so without us would be wise. Ever since he got here, we’ve been holding him back. I know he’s bitter that we’re here at all. Nav is hurting, but in this particular case, I believe it’s best to let him know that we are here as friends to talk if he needs us. Aside from that, let him spend as much time as he can among his own without having to worry about us. We’ll have all the time in the world to talk with him when he’s back in Equestria.”
“...Are you just saying that because you want to watch this garbage too?” Dash slowly asked.
“No, I’d also like to spend some time among the humans. It is likely a once in a lifetime opportunity, one that I would advise you both take advantage of. From my understanding, we are free to do as we please here as long as we obey all of the surprisingly common-sense laws. They don’t precisely mimic Equestria’s, but all the basics are covered: No fighting, no stealing, no unnecessarily loud noises. Things like that.”
“...I think I’ll stick with Nav for a bit,” Dash said. “Walk him around the city a little. I don’t know if letting him be alone after what happened is safe…”
“Sounds fun to me,” Rarity said. “I’ve actually been wanting to head back into the city, too!”
“Uh. Are you really sure Nav would… I dunno…”
“Would what?” Rarity testily asked.
“I mean, you’re kinda… I dunno… lame. Isn’t Nav too cool for that?”
“Oh ho, now I see how it is,” Rarity said, leaning back. “Little Miss Dashie really does have a crush on Navi! She wants to go on another date!”
“You have problems,” Dash said, finally hopping out of the bed. “I’m going to go see if he’s back.” Thankfully, that ended the memory.
“Dash actually may have had a crush on me, but I seriously doubt it,” I said. “She seemed to be content as a lesbian, minus that one time.”
“And that one dream,” Reason said. “Not that her possible denial matters at the moment. What do you think of this memory, Nav?”
“Dash isn’t very good at being a friend, but her heart’s in the right place. Rarity’s a terrible friend and the jury’s still out on whether or not her heart’s in the right place. Pants is okay I guess. All things told, I wish I had better friends. But since I’m such a terrible one myself, I guess it’s only fair.”
“Are you truly a terrible friend in comparison?” Fear asked. “Or do you still fear the thought that others find you reliable?”
“I mean, I usually try to be a good friend. I’m just really not very good at it.”
“I think Spike would disagree,” my guide said. “And Blossom. And Rainbow Dash. And Pinkie Pie. And Cadance. And Shining Armor. And—”
“You can just say etc,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “So maybe I’m a little ahead of the curve on friendship. I guess that’s one of the upsides of watching cartoons all the time: They always have that wonderful moral at the end.”
“If you had played Celestia’s game like a proper little peon, you likely could have risen just as high,” Pain said. “You could have helped Twilight be the best at friendship!”
“Fuck that shit. Celestia needed to get got. Anyway, let’s turn back to that last memory. Do we have any kind of takeaway from it?”
“Despite your misgivings, even Rarity’s heart was in the right place,” Reason said. “Your friends have always wanted what’s best for you. Each one just has a different idea of what’s best and how to go about getting there.”
“Rarity’s idea of what’s best for me is rarely something I agree with. It usually involves far more dresses than I’d like.”
“And of course, you’re difficult to do things for,” Fear said. “You rarely express gratitude, most attempts to make you happy fall flat, parties only piss you off, and most of your time around friends is spent looking for ways to cut it short. It’s no surprise they’ve taken to conspiring together in secret. It’s a wonder they haven’t given up at all.”
“Gotta love that guilt,” I said. “It kept them around long enough for me to get them addicted to my hands.”
“...Guilt?” Pain slowly said. “Why would they feel guilt?”
“What, are you kidding me? It was obvious. Twilight felt guilty as fuck shortly after realizing I was sapient and had no way of getting home. It only got worse and worse as time went on and I couldn’t adjust. Since it looked like I was giving it an honest try, some of the others started feeling bad that most of the ponies wouldn’t even give me a chance. It worked out pretty well for me, all things told.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t pity they felt?” Fear asked.
“No. Do we have any other memories?”
“We do,” Reason said. She reached over and poked my belly.
We appeared deep in a jungle, this time with only Dashie and Rarity. My favorite lesbian looked pretty pissed off, while Rarity seemed relatively surprised.
“Nav asked us to do one thing, Rarity!” Dash yelled. “He told us not to tell anypony! And yet the first thing you did was tell everypony!” That would mean it was after we got back, so they were probably actually in Rarity’s boutique.
“What do you mean?” Rarity asked. “I haven’t told a soul what happened!”
“You spread that human garbage all over Canterlot!”
“Right. I told them I got it from Nav.”
Dash actually just stared at her for a few seconds, either too angry or too busy formulating a response to how absolutely retarded that was. “And… do you really expect them to believe he had them… I dunno, just lying around? Where the buck will they think he got them?!”
“My assumption is probably not several million years in the past from a group of humans living in an underground bunker waiting for the end of the world.”
“So what are you gonna assume?! Because if I was given any of those, my first assumption would be that he got them from home!”
“I think that’s a very biased assumption. Personally, I’d assume he drew them!”
That made Dash blink a few times. Finally, her head tilted. “You would assume Navarone drew them?”
“It would hardly be the first bit of human culture he showed off. You know he’s been writing books for months, right?”
“HE SAID HE HATES IT!”
“He told us that he hated it. He didn’t tell anypony else, did he?”
“...So you’re telling everypony that this is Nav’s attempt to share more human culture.”
“Yes! If anything, I assumed you would be happy! Don’t you want Nav to feel more at home?”
“NOT AMONG THINGS HE HATES!”
“Well that’s just being picky,” Rarity said, reaching over to boop Dashie’s nose. “When spreading culture, one must consider the audience. Despite what Nav may think, ponies prefer something a little… more than just books. The manga and visual novels are perfect! Besides, you know Nav is on the up, even if he refuses to admit it. I give it another year, maybe two, before he’s a noble. Having a lot of ponies in Canterlot who appreciate his culture will be a boon!”
“Not when he tells everypony he hates it and how it was only for the losers and nerds!”
It was Rarity’s turn to blink, this time. “Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s Nav! That’s what Nav does! He doesn’t give a buck what those ponies think and I already know he’s pissed about it because I tried to get him to join me in yelling at you!”
“Obviously he wasn’t upset enough to put effort into it.”
“No, he just realized what I should have from the beginning: That it’s a waste of breath. You can hide it behind whatever reasoning you want, but you did this for you, not for Nav. And if you thought you were doing it for Nav, you obviously don’t know him as well as you should.” With one last snort, she stomped away, ending the memory.
“Dash is a good one,” I said with a nod. “I think I know just how to reward her.”
“She wouldn’t approve of using your position to get her into the Wonderbolts,” Reason said.
“I wouldn’t use my position for that. I’d use my position to see if there’s anything they could do to let her try out, given the extenuating circumstances for being on a deployment for the princess during the normal recruitment phase. I’m relatively confident Spitfire would be reasonable about it.”
“It’s surprising she would go after a friend like this,” Fear said. “Especially for the sake of one who is apparently so terrible.”
“Whether or not I’m terrible has little to do with whether or not something is right,” I said. “And what Rarity did wasn’t right.”
“Do you not believe her explanation?” Pain asked.
“Even if I do believe her explanation, it’s still an incredibly shitty thing to do. Why would she try to expand a part of my culture I hated after I specifically told all of them to never tell anyone anything we saw or encountered? Because spoiler alert: Manga is something we saw and encountered. I don’t care how noble her intentions might have been, she did something that was so fucktarded and obviously short-sighted that even Taya would have known better.”
“Are you sure you aren’t just mad about the weaboo griffin?” my guide asked.
“So what if I am? That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to be mad about! But trust me, I’m mad about a lot more. It seems to me that every nice thing Rarity does tends to have a glimmer of selfishness hidden in it.”
“That’s a very… crude opinion,” Fear said.
“And not entirely correct,” Reason said. “It has hints of truth, though. Rarity has a good heart. I just question her head.”
“Whatever. What’s the takeaway here?”
“As you said, what is right has little to do with who someone is,” Reason said. “Dash has known Rarity for a very long time. They are fated to be friends. Yet in this, and so many other things, Dash chooses to side with you. That is valuable.”
“It is, and I’m grateful to have her. With luck, I’ll continue staying in the right so I can keep her. Her moral compass is invaluable.”
“We have no more memories about this,” my guide said. “Are you prepared to move on?”
“I did promise to come and get Doctor Anon and his peeps eventually. How well established do you think my first human colony should be before getting them?”
“Probably two hundred thousand from different times and locations for ideal genetic diversity,” Reason said. “With that powerbase at your back, any plans the good doctor might have in mind would be kept well in check.”
“...A city that size might dwarf most the ponies have. If I plan things correctly, I could easily sit on top of the largest, most industrialized city on the planet.”
“Then I recommend you begin planning soon,” my guide said. “Are you prepared to continue?”
“Yes.”
She placed a hand on my shoulder and her eyes flashed.

I ended up at the Gala. The other me was standing with King Bloodbeak and Princess Gilda out on a balcony.
“This is when Blueblood stabbed me,” I said.
“It is,” my guide said.
“Fun stuff. Do we have any memories associated with this one?”
“Yes.” I finally looked around for any of the emotions, but I didn’t see any. “You will have to find them.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Your actions in this party had many consequences all over the place. Having to explore to find them only seems fair, does it not?”
“I disagree, but I guess there isn’t much of a choice. So how does this work?” I asked.
“The party will pause at intervals. You will find various ponies in color. Find and approach them to gain insight. Once you have found one, the party will continue around the ponies in color. You can either follow them to see what they did or wait until the party freezes to find another target.”
“Cool, I guess. I’m not sure I actually want to see myself getting stabbed, but it’ll be fun to watch Taya smoke that clown. So let’s get started.”
Everything around me went gray except for the princess. Navarone isn’t what I expected. My father said the humans had strange customs and interesting cultures, but he seemed to think they were warriors. This is no brute before me, no mindless fighter or uncultured barbarian. His ties to Equestria and the princesses are concerning, yet I feel he has no true loyalty to them.
“Aww, she actually didn’t hate me from the start!”
It’s interesting that he’s given me so many choices. Most male griffins would have taken the lead by now, trying to force me into things they think I’d enjoy. The fact that Nav asked what I wanted, and if I was even interested in a date, feels surprisingly good. And to so freely offer such knowledge… A part of me suspects a trap, but he seems completely sincere. Either he can lie like a caribou or he’s the most valuable ally I’ve ever found. I guess time will tell.
“I guess she has decent sense motive checks. I’ve always done my best to be honest with her.” Something actually occurred to me, then. “Wait, this was before I told her about my idea.”
“There are many here to whom you are close,” my guide said. “You would not be able to find them all every time the party pauses. You will hear the thoughts each has about the night as a whole, in about the progression in which they have them.”
Despite being unwed, he seems to have no interest in marriage. Should this scheme of his pan out well, I will have to push him on why. Marrying outside of my species would be the perfect way to explain not having children. Given his reputation, he would likely sleep around and not expect much… intercourse from me.
“I take offense to that. I guess it’s a reasonable consequence for my actions, though, so I can’t complain too much.”
He certainly has no shortage of powerful friends. Fancy Pants and his awful wife, the princesses, the dragon, my father… I’m beginning to see why. Something about him just draws you in. It will be interesting to see how he lives in his day to day life, I suppose. Spending a few weeks away from the palace will be good, too. Nav seems to have a centering, head-clearing effect. If the information he promised is legitimate, he’ll be a very useful friend indeed.
“Man, she was already feeling the pull. That’s awful.”
And so my newfound ally was almost murdered in front of me while I found myself unable to even make a sound. It is no place for a princess to risk her life for anyone, yet I could have tried to pull him away or yell a warning or… anything other than stand and watch… His daughter’s scream will haunt my dreams, I know that. And my eyes are still sore from the pure lightning she shot him with… Hm. Perhaps my time spent in Nav’s home can be spent aiding his recovery as well. That might make up for doing nothing…
“And then she proceeded to be annoying as hell for the next several weeks,” I said. “But I guess the company was nice.”
The princess lost her color and the king gained his. It’s disappointing that Nav wasn’t more interested, but I’m honestly not surprised. The princesses have him so paranoid he wouldn’t know a kind offer from a possible knife in the back. I have a feeling he would be a good match for my daughter. Maybe settling down would help her focus on her duties. And maybe settling down outside of Equestria will help put his mind at ease.
“Despite everything, I’m surprised that he was sincere,” I said. “I expected at least a part of him was hoping to get me on his side.”
That talk with Luna was… enlightening. And disturbing. I feel like Celestia made a mistake, allowing that monster to take any power this early. And if she keeps her access to Nav’s abilities and knowledge, I fear for all the world, not just my griffins. If they ever convince him that their goals supersede all others, their combined abilities might be the deaths of us all.
“There was a time I thought it would end with that,” I said. “When they made me immortal, I knew there was a reason. They were turning me into a better tool.”
This pony food is surprisingly good. I can’t help but wonder what Celestia did this year. She certainly didn’t bother to bring out any meat, despite now having three predator races as visitors. I’m also curious where the great white mare herself is. Normally she’ll make a point to at least pretend to be polite to me, but I haven’t seen hide nor tail of her this year. Maybe I’ll actually have fun at this party for once.
“Celestia was a little preoccupied with Fleur,” I said. “Another thing I regret, but it seemed like a fun move at the time.”
Reginald is a very interesting dragon. I’ve heard the legends about the night riding on wings of fire, but never understood what they meant. I can’t say I’m surprised Luna’s reason for sending Nav into the forest was to find her old weapon. I’d certainly like to have a few dragons of my own on my side. Nav seems to have a surprising amount of contacts and I’ve heard reports he’s slept with dragons before. Perhaps he could assist.
“Wait, is that actually why Luna sent me in?” I asked. “She never really explained why, other than wanting it explored.”
And so my dear friend Navarone pays the price for Celestia’s lax security. At least he’s still alive, even if only barely. I certainly can’t say the same for Blueblood. I knew he was cruel, but I never expected him to fall so far. My poor Gilda seemed traumatized by the affair, even offering to help him recover. It’s hardly the place of a princess, but… maybe something will come of it. It’s quite easy to fall for your caretaker, after all…
“Alas, it wasn’t to be,” I said. “I honestly don’t think Gilda’s the best choice.”
“You think?” my guide sarcastically replied.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “She’s a little on the young and immature side. Which is a shame, because she’s really fun to have sex with. But then, so are my other paramours.”
With that, the party came back alive. Everybody regained their colors and started talking. At the moment, Bloodbeak was introducing me to Gilda. I didn’t really want to stick around for the whole thing, but I knew Luna appeared right before Gilda and I left. I kinda wanted to hear how her night had been, along with the conversation she apparently had with the king.
So I sat through my introduction and realized quickly that I had been kinda rude. It was a little late to correct that mistake, so I just shrugged and continued waiting.
Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Luna to appear from the shadows like the creep she is. This was after I was completely done with her, so it didn’t take long for the other me to leave with Gilda. Luna watched us depart with barely repressed rage in her eyes.
“I heard about your victory in the yearly war games,” Bloodbeak said. “I’m quite impressed, Princess Luna.”
Her eyes turned back to the king, all signs of rage gone. “A leader is only as powerful as the ones she leads. Be impressed with Navarone and Captain Midnight Blossom. They seized victory from Shining Armor with ease.”
“You speak as though it was a foregone conclusion,” Bloodbeak said, lifting an eyebrow. “Do you doubt Shining Armor’s capabilities?”
“Shining Armor is powerful in magic. Navarone can block all magic. With his only strength neutralized, Shining Armor is worthless.”
“Then it seems that Nav is a powerful asset. He’s certainly quite effective when used to illegally imprison griffin nobles.”
“He’s quite effective when used anywhere,” Luna said. “I had plans for him tonight. Plans that didn’t involve wasting his time on a griffin.”
“Time spent on the heart is not time wasted,” Bloodbeak said. “Perhaps you should spend the party working on your own. It is a party, after all. Didn’t you have a fantastic date a few years ago?”
“He tore my heart asunder and is now dating others openly. My heart has become a barren wasteland. No amount of work will make anything grow.” Some of the griffin soldiers shared looks, but the king didn’t seem overly impressed. “How fares Hestra, now that he has been legally imprisoned?”
“He’s angry. But I gave him a cell right next to my cousin, so at least he has someone to talk to. There are many who are upset that Nav escaped punishment.”
“Trust me, he always finds a way.”
“There were considerably more who were upset you escaped punishment.”
“Hestra sent an assassin to attack a princess of Equestria. I wasn’t going to allow anything to stop him from coming to justice. Given that this princess is one of Navarone’s close friends, he felt the same. If you expect either of us to apologize for it, you are mistaken.”
“I had a feeling Celestia wasn’t the one who gave the order. You took Hestra without asking, didn’t you?”
“We sent Navarone as a spy to determine guilt. Once we had the evidence we needed, I saw no need to bother my sister with the matter and just took him myself. Apparently things have changed in my absence and that was a violation of protocol.”
“And national sovereignty,” the king said. “And a treaty or two. I had several advisors demanding war.”
“I assume you fired them. My sister’s advisors know better than to demand. Their role is to advise.”
“Griffin ways are different. Thankfully, a quick discussion with Celestia revealed that war wouldn’t be necessary.”
“She’s quite inventive, isn’t she? Promising my knight’s hoof in marriage was quite the overstep, though. He should be mine… to do with as I please and marry off as I please.”
That made me snort. “Nice save, psychopath.”
“Actions have consequences, Princess. It seems you lost access to him through fault of your own.”
The look on Luna’s face made sticking around worth it. The king probably had no idea what kind of can of worms he was opening, but the pure rage that instantly came to her face actually made his eyes widen. “That griffin may have his eye for now, but he will find his way back to his princess soon, one way or another.” With that, her wings flared and everything but her went gray.
I cannot believe that harlot came to this party with another date! He’s lucky I don’t have him flayed alive! Or perhaps I should start with that little upstart griffin hussy. Hm. Yes, I’ll make him watch. Perhaps that will help show the depth of my love!
“Wow.”
And so the list of those who need to die continues growing and growing. I believe I can think of a few easy potions that’ll put Bloodbeak down and make it look natural. And I know just who to contact to have his little brat taken care of. Let’s have one of Nav’s old paramours murder his new, shall we? With luck, her oldest brother will better know his place. Or perhaps it would be better if he didn’t. I bet another conquest would cheer me up, and give me a chance to get closer to the world’s best knight!
“Wow.”
“That confirms who sent Kat after Princess Gilda,” my guide said.
As always, Reginald tries his hardest to be a calming figure. It’s strange. One would think the dragon would be more hot-headed than the pony, yet it seems his words seek to calm me more than rile me. In this, though… In this, his words inadvertently strike a blow. Hm. I still can’t believe Nav just happened upon him. I didn’t even know he was in the forest! Maybe I should arrange a hunting trip for the three of us. Reginald can help convince Nav that everything was just a huge misunderstanding!
“Would she notice if I tried strangling her?” I asked.
“You would be unable,” my guide replied, patting me on the shoulder.
Where is my blasted sister? Having to listen to this mare blather on about love and heartbreak is driving me crazy. And what’s wrong with her husband? He’s just… staring and giggling. I don’t understand why Celestia let these two play at royalty. Cadance and Shining Armor are both worthless. I don’t know how Nav can stand to live with her. Ugh, I should just go find him and order him to dance with me. That will cheer me up!
“I really don’t want to follow Luna around all night, but I want to see Reginald, Cadance, and Shiny. Do I really have to keep hearing her crazy bullshit?”
Shining Armor has failed for the last time. He has allowed my beloved to be attacked in what should have been the most secure place in Canterlot. Celestia may not allow me to take away his titles or his power, but from this day forward, my vampire protege will be in complete control of the guard. Navarone will be safe. She will see to it or she will find herself staked. And while she sees to things, I can visit Nav all I want while he recovers! With luck, I can convince Celestia to bring him to my wing in the palace so I can make sure he’s taken care of properly.
“Well, I’m happy about her effectively relieving Shiny of his duties and putting Blossom in charge. Not so happy about the rest, though.”
Everything came back to life and Luna shot straight into the air. From the sound of the memories, she was going to Reginald while Bloodbeak was going to get food. Finding my second favorite dragon was more important than watching an old man get high, so I took off after Luna. Thankfully, my shitty wings actually worked in the memory-realm and I was able to follow with no problem.
She actually stopped about fifty meters away, hovering in the darkness. Gilda and I were just now walking away and she was taking a moment to glare at us, as if personally affronted by the fact that we were happy. Once we got inside, she started flying over to Reginald. As soon as she landed, everything but Reggie went grey.
Does Celestia really think her spies aren’t noticeable? I don’t even know why she’s bothering. There are precisely three people at this party interesting enough to talk to and they’re probably the only three who would dare to speak to me in the first place. I think Celestia changed in our absence. It seems to be for the worse.
“I think I would have liked meeting both sisters about four or five thousand years ago,” I said. “That would have been more fun, I think.”
Humans are interesting. Very, very interesting. I wonder if I should tell Luna about the forerunners the minotaurs are so crazy about, and about how closely they match Nav. If she knew she had an ancient in her hooves, there’s no telling what she might do. It seems that Nav may have figured it out at this point, but I can’t quite be sure. Despite his size, I can see many uses for him. The chaos magic swirls so deeply around him that he’s bound to cause great change wherever he goes. Add that to the perspective of an ancient and… Well, I think we’re about to live through some interesting times.
“That motherfucker knew! He knew from the beginning! That son of a bitch!”
Something is troubling Luna. That’s… unusual. The angst is common, the depression is normal, but… she’s on edge. It involves Navarone, which can’t be good. Getting between Luna and a subordinate isn’t wise, but… Hm. I will watch and see where this goes. If anyone asks that I get involved, perhaps I shall.
“And yet again he proves himself a coward,” I said, shaking my head.
“Or considerably more patient,” my guide said. “His mind works very differently than yours.”
The young King Bloodbeak is an interesting character. It’s interesting to see how Nav and Celestia both affected him. Although if I had to guess, I would say Celestia has affected him considerably more than he knows. It’s a shame his brief flicker is almost at an end. I wouldn’t mind a few more conversations. Alas, such is the gift of mortality.
“What the hell do you mean, gift? I’m relatively confident that dying isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
And so Navarone was stabbed in the one place where he should have been the safest. Quite an interesting development. Celestia will have a difficult time fixing the rends I left in the ground when I heard. Nav is swirling with chaos magic. He mentioned Discord earlier. Now he was attacked by a crazed pony using chaos magic. I am too old to believe in coincidences. Discord must be free. If that is the case, then Nav is likely one of his pawns. I can’t help but wonder if he knows.
“That’s it, I’m done with this asshole,” I said. “I’m with Moonie: He’s a cunt.”
“What would telling you have accomplished?” my guide asked. “You already had Flo in you, so you couldn’t have killed yourself. All it would have done is make Celestia and Luna wary, assuming they didn’t outright attack you.”
“I don’t care. If he suspected, he should have told me. Hell, even the fact that I’m swirling with chaos magic is something I kinda shoulda known about. I don’t know how he noticed but nobody else did, or if nobody thought it was worth mentioning.”
“Perhaps you should ask the next time you see him.”
“I don’t think he would tell me. Not at this point.”
The dream finally came back into focus and Luna walked over to Reggie. “I’m happy you accepted my invitation,” she said.
“I had a feeling it would drive your sister crazy, so I knew I had to make it. She sent a few eyes to watch me.”
“Then let us leave them behind.” Her wings spread and she flew up to his back. He started walking toward the maze, so I flew up and slid onto Luna’s back. “How goes your night so far?”
“Decently well. You just missed Nav. I was speaking to him and his adorable little date. I had a feeling he would prefer predators to prey.”
I couldn’t see Luna’s face, but it was probably pretty downcast at the moment. “I… would not be surprised, unfortunately.”
“I’m glad he’s happy. It sounds like he’s been through some unpleasant things.”
“I feel he would be happier with another, yet he… disagrees.”
“You can’t interfere with the heart, Luna. How it beats is how it beats.”
“...I am aware,” she coldly replied.
“Is something the matter?” he slowly asked.
“Many things are amiss, Reginald. I am glad to have one friend I know I can count on.”
“What ails your mind, little Luna?” he asked. Given his size, they were already past the labyrinth. Ponies almost never venture that far out during the gala, so they were unlikely to run into anyone.
“I would rather not speak on it yet. My heart and head are both troubled. I am trying to… come to terms with things.”
“You were away from the world for a long time,” Reginald said. “It’s understandable that you’re having difficulties. You will have an easier time if you voice them. That, I can guarantee.”
“Perhaps another time. This is a party, supposedly. We are to be jovial, and all that.”
“Then secluding ourselves away isn’t the wisest of ideas, is it?”
“To be honest, there are very few I pull any sense of comfort or closeness from. Most of the ponies are just… faces. They’re barely worth remembering. This entire party seems like a… farce. Ponies here are so mindlessly comfortable that they’re all almost entirely identical. No hardship means no growth. No growth means no personality. No change. No advancement. The entire country looks almost the exact same as when I left, Reginald. Celestia has done nothing in my absence but sit on her throne and let her empire go to waste around her.”
“It’s very difficult to do much more than maintain your throne when the one who put you there and kept you there was lost to you. Now that you have returned, will you go back to building the Empire?”
“No. Celestia won’t have it. Apparently now we are to tolerate the lesser races rather than eradicate them. It seems difficult to inspire national unity without an outward enemy, but nothing has collapsed just yet.”
“I think that’s a good thing. My musings over the last few thousand years have turned me away from wholesale slaughter. It makes my blood sing, but it seems so… wasteful.”
Luna sighed and looked up at the moon, almost slapping me in the face with her horn. “It has been so long since fire truly raged in my veins… I know battle would give me the clarity of mind I seek, yet there is none to be had in this peaceful world in which I am now trapped…”
“I would offer to spar, but I think that might draw your sister from hiding. She would certainly be upset if we knocked her ugly capital off the mountain.”
“I’m sure your puppy-dog eyes would calm her mind. With luck, we could pin the blame on Nav. He’ll find some way to get out of any punishment for it anyway.”
“I shudder to think how a virile young predator could earn the forgiveness of a lonely old princess.”
“It’s exactly as disgusting as you imagine, I’m afraid. She lords it over me and… and prances about when he’s done, like it’s something to be proud of.”
“Oh ho. I was joking, but it seems the big princess herself is at least part mortal. I’m somewhat surprised you haven’t used his services, too.”
“I… I believe I would like to… get some punch.” Her horn lit up and she vanished, leaving me to fall onto Reggie’s uncomfortably hard back.
“Interesting. Very, very interesting,” the dragon slowly rumbled.
I didn’t really care about what he and Bloodbeak talked about, so I flew off his back and went over to the party. I didn’t see anybody at all until I got into where all the food was laid out. It took me a few seconds to pick Cadance out in the crowd. A part of that is because most of the ponies in the crowd were incredibly high at the moment and they were all being funny.
When I finally spotted her, everything else went gray. Despite everything, a part of me is nervous about this. I really shouldn’t let Nav drug everypony, but I mean… it’s the Gala. Celestia goes out of her way to ruin it every few years anyway. I might as well let Nav have a turn. That’s only fair, right? Especially given what she’s apparently done to him. Maybe it’ll actually put a rare smile on his face.
“I figured she would have found Shining Armor by now.”
So it seems Navi actually found a date! I don’t recognize her offhoof, but she’s likely high-ranking if she’s here. I don’t think a griffin’s the best choice for him, but what’s a night? If I try meddling this early, he’ll probably just thump me on the nose. I’ll make sure to ask him all the important questions later. I have to make sure whoever he picks is just right!
“While I appreciate the thought, it honestly sounds creepy when she says it like that.”
Well, it’s obvious now which servants graze at the food when nopony’s looking. Not that I can blame them, of course. At least everypony’s still having a good time, even if they might be a little… impaired. Maybe we should do this every year. Celestia wouldn’t have to sabotage it if it’s actually fun! I really wanna try it myself, but I’d feel bad if there wasn’t anypony sober keeping an eye on things.
“That’s actually a pretty good point. I wonder if Celestia would let me do it this year…”
“Don’t you own her?” my guide asked.
“No. I set things up specifically so I wouldn’t own her. That way, I can blame anything bad that happens on her and Flo.”
Luna isn’t taking what happened with Nav very well at all. It looks like she’s about a centimeter away from hurting somepony! I didn’t think seeing Nav with that griffin would set her off like this. I honestly wonder how stable she is. I’ll have to warn him when we get back home. I would tell Celestia right now, but she’s apparently up and vanished. While that’s completely like her, I really wish she would stop doing these things during the Gala. It’s embarrassing!
“I kinda wonder why she didn’t think to warn me before we left, but it ended up being a moot point anyway.”
I have a new third scariest moment. How odd is it that all of them involve Nav? First, when he was trapped with me under Canterlot. Second, when he saved my life in Gryphus. And now third, when he was almost murdered in front of me. What could have possibly come over Blueblood? He and Nav had their differences, but this… was actually a little fair, now that I think about it. There was that one time Nav shot him point-blank with a crossbow with no warning. Still, though… trying to kill Nav in front of everypony including two princesses was just… dumb. Too dumb, even for him. Something changed while Blueblood was gone.
“Oh man, I forgot about the time I shot him! That was fucking great. No wonder he stabbed me in the back. I guess I do kinda get it, now.” The memory finally came back to life and Cadance started walking. “I don’t really care what Cadance and Luna talked about. I also don’t really care how Shining Armor’s night went. So I think it’s time to go hunt down my little filly.”
Instead of following Cadance, I took a quick look around the room. I didn’t see anyone interesting, so I walked through the dining area to the kitchen and ducked into a side hall. As long as I was forced to spend in the palace, I learned my way around.
Before I got to the gardens, I found Twilight and Rarity, who seemed to be having a hushed argument. “I know Nav is involved!” Rarity hissed. “He’s always involved!”
“While I won’t deny that’s true, you can’t just throw around accusations. I do think everypony’s acting a little… strange, but that could be anything.”
“They’re all acting just like everypony did when Nav and Pinkie dosed us!”
“They are. Did you notice that Pinkie is here, too?”
“I know! That’s how he pulled it off! There’s no way he could do it on his own. She helped him ruin the Gala!”
Twilight sighed and shook her head. “We’ve been over this. You can’t just throw around accusations. While the evidence does point to it, do you remember our first Gala?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Right? Do you remember how Celestia told us she always found a way to make the Gala more interesting?”
“You can’t be suggesting…”
“Have you seen her at all tonight?” Twilight asked. “I did for a few minutes when I first got here, but she vanished mid-conversation, as soon as I turned my head. If anypony’s to blame, it’s her. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if she’s working with Nav and Pinkie.”
“Well. I suppose it would be rude to accuse the host of attempting to ruin her own party. That said, I have no intention of staying. Would you like to join me in returning home?”
Twilight looked around the hall for a moment before shrugging. “I already saw Taya and her cute dress. I did kinda want to see Nav, but there’s no telling where he is or what he’s up to.”
“He actually has a date, if you can believe it,” Rarity said. “A griffin princess!”
“Well, that confirms it,” Twilight sighed. “Second worst Gala ever…”
“Oh? Jealous of his griffin, hm?”
“W-what? No… I just can’t believe he has a date and I don’t!” Nice save.
“Shall we return to Ponyville and drown the night out with ice cream, then?”
“I guess it’s better than staying here.” Twilight’s horn lit up and they both teleported off.
“What, I don’t get a fade-to-grey scene with them?” I asked.
“Their nights didn’t intersect yours,” my guide said. “What use would that be?”
“It wouldn’t be, I’m just nosy.” Standing around wasn’t being productive, though. I continued out through one of the side doors to the garden. Luckily enough, it actually let out closer to my filly.
When I found her, she was looking up at the statue of Discord. “So… you used to live in there?” she asked.
“...Who is she talking to?” I slowly asked. I had a dark, dirty feeling in my gut.
“How long were you in there?” she asked. A few seconds later, she blinked. “Six thousand years?”
That made my blood run cold. “Oh. Oh no.”
“So how did you actually get free? Shouldn’t the statue be broken or something?”
What I assumed was Discord picked her up and moved her closer to the statue, near the bottom of it. I walked over to join her and we both saw a very tiny crack in one of its legs. It wasn’t anything the casual observer would notice. That monster set my filly back down and I saw her ears moving, as though he was scritching them. Watching it made me feel sick.
“What kind of gift?” she suddenly asked. Her head tilted. “What I’ve always wanted?” A few seconds later, she blinked a few times. “My… destiny?”
After that, she grinned and jumped up to hug the abomination. She lifted into the air and twirled around, snuggled up in that monster’s warm, fuzzy embrace. “Taya, how could you trust this thing?” I asked. “Look at it! Everything about it screams evil!” I actually couldn’t see it at the moment, thankfully. But how could you possibly fall for it?
He finally set her back down, pinching her cheek for just a moment. “I’ve always wanted to save daddy just like he saved me!”
“Well, I guess that confirms Discord sent him,” I said.
“Uh. You want me to… repeat after you?” Taya asked. She looked rightfully confused. “I mean, I guess.” She waited a few more seconds before nodding. “Got it, though it sounds kinda weird and doesn’t really make sense.” She took a second to clear her throat before looking straight at where I was standing. “He knows you’re watching. This is just proof that he’s been with you from the start and that we’ll never be free!” She looked back at him. “Like that?” Apparently that earned her another ear scritch.
“Well alright then,” I said. “That’s uh… That’s pretty spooky. Do you think that’s a shot in the psychological dark or could he have actually known I’d opt for the coma and be standing here at the right time to hear it?”
Before Discord could continue corrupting her, Gilda and past me landed next to her. At the time, I hadn’t even registered that we were next to the statue. The memory finally froze and everything around me went gray but Taya.
I can’t believe I agreed to go to this party for that colt. Ugh, I can barely even remember his name. Not like it means much, since he ended up being worthless. The coward refused to even go as my date to get his own stupid pictures! And of course, daddy blew me off as soon as we walked in. I guess that female griffin caught his eye. I’d bet my horn he’ll find some way to get her to our house at the end of the night.
“I had no idea she asked him on a date. I’m honestly not surprised he said no.”
This party is so… wasteful. How much money does Celestia sink into this every year? She could probably feed all of Catro for a week. I almost starved to death in a gutter while these ponies gorged themselves and danced like nothing in the world was the matter. No wonder daddy hates Equestria so much. It’s so utterly, pointlessly gaudy.
“I can’t disagree, but I didn’t know she felt like this. Is this what she’s hiding behind her adorableness?”
There’s no way I can trust Discord. But he’s powerful enough that I think I can use him for what I want… if he’s good for his promises. According to daddy, most demons stick to their deals, but you always have to be wary how they stick to them and just what exactly they ask in return. Discord asked me to support him, as he created my daddy. That’s almost definitely completely nonsense, but if it’s true, then supporting him is a no-brainer, no matter how evil he obviously is. And if it’s not true, then the basis for our agreement would be null and void, meaning all my responsibility toward him is gone. With luck, I’ll already have what I want by the time that happens.
“Did I really raise a Machiavellian genius? I don’t know if I fucked up so hard that I did good or if I created a complete and total monster.”
So it seems my horn is secure. Sure enough, my father found a way to get his new conquest home. Surely he’ll exhaust his supply of suitors eventually! If he keeps finding ways to avoid spending time with me, I’ll have to take drastic measures. Maybe a few magical accidents while showing off would put him in bed long enough for me to help him get better… Then he’d have to spend time with me!
“I’m really looking forward to the next block of thoughts,” I said with a grin.
I have learned a very valuable lesson tonight, one that daddy has tried to teach me in the past. It never truly stuck until now: Be careful what you wish for. And on a similar vein, I learned an even more important lesson about how demons truly act. Daddy was right once again: You can never know precisely how somebody will pull through for me. Discord said he was presenting me with my destiny. I thought I’d get to save daddy and he’d shower me with hugs and kisses and belly rubs. Instead, I watched as he was almost taken from me yet again. And so, my last lesson… My destiny isn’t to protect daddy. It’s to hurt his enemies before they hurt him.
And on that very chilling note, everything came back to life.
“Well alrighty then,” I said. “I’m officially done with life now. Aqua, I order you to kill me, then kill all the me’s that respawn from seeds.” Unfortunately, I continued living. “God dammit, Flo!”
It didn’t take Taya long to thrust her camera at past me and run off. I already knew what I had been up to, so I decided to follow her. Thankfully, she couldn’t keep galloping for long and stopped about halfway to the main entrance to the palace. She looked back and couldn’t see us anymore. She rolled her eyes and continued walking. “I don’t know why daddy wants me to keep up this charade. Pretending to be a cute little filly all the time is awful.”
“What, are you saying you aren’t a cute little filly?” I asked. At this point, though, I already knew the answer.
“Seeing him smile is worth it, though.” She shrugged and continued in silence.
When she got to the palace, she walked right in without a worry. Watching myself get stabbed wasn’t too appealing, so I decided to go look for the sitting room where Celestia was toying with Fleur. Since it was the sitting room, it didn’t take me long.
Unfortunately, I missed the fun part. Celestia and Fleur were panting together on a couch, Fleur resting atop Celestia’s oversized horsey body.
“P-princess… I… I n-never knew… Hmm, oh Princess… How long h-have you been all c-cooped up, hmm?” One of Fleur’s hooves started trailing down between the princess’s legs. “Your l-loyal servant would be h-happy to attend you…”
Celestia’s horn lit up and Fleur got punted off of her. “Something very, very problematic just happened,” Celestia coldly said. “I was drugged.”
“Um.”
“Why were you in this room?”
“I… I was i-invited! Sir N-Navarone asked me to come here!”
“I’m very happy I didn’t have to drag that out of you.” Celestia’s horn lit up and a golden light surrounded Fleur’s head for a few seconds. “It’s a hasty patch job, but it’s the best I can do at the moment. Ugh, my head is still foggy!” She finally rolled off the bed, pure fury across her face. “It’s time Nav and I had a very serious, long, and pointed discussion. Now then. Why were you in this room?”
“Uhh… You invited me here for a talk?”
“And how did you enjoy this talk?”
“It was wonderful! It makes my legs tremble just to think of it! Oooh, your hair is wonderful, Princess!”
“...That’s going to require some tweaking, but it’ll have to do until my head is more clear.” Celestia’s horn lit up again and all the fluids on Fleur disappeared. “Return straight home, go to bed, and sleep.”
“Yes, Princess Celestia.” Fleur stood and limped right out. Celestia followed without a word and started walking purposefully toward the main hall.
As soon as she found a guard, she said, “Find Navarone and bring him to me at once. I will be in my throne room.”
“That uh… might be a problem,” he said. “I’m pretty sure they had to carry him out.”
“What?”
“Oh, did you not hear?”
“I have absolutely no patience right now. What. Happened.”
The guard’s eyes widened. “P-prince Blueblood came back! He… he stabbed Navarone in the back!” Celestia’s mouth actually dropped.
“That was fast,” I said. “I can’t believe I already got stabbed in that time frame.”
“It took you a while to find Celestia,” my guide said. “She chose that sitting room because it was far enough away from the party to avoid anyone hearing anything untoward.”
“Where is he?!” Celestia demanded. “And why wasn’t I notified immediately?!”
“I… I don’t know!”
Celestia actually growled and her horn lit up. The guy’s eyes slammed shut in fear and he looked away just in time for Celestia to teleport out. A few seconds later, one of his eyes slowly eased open. When he saw that she was gone, he fell to the ground, shivering in fear.
That wasn’t really helpful, so I continued walking into the main hall. Thankfully, finding Celestia again wasn’t too difficult: She was ducking into the throne room with Luna. I hastened to follow.
“The mage’s tower?” Celestia said. “Why would you send him there?!”
“I couldn’t find you and my magic didn’t work! What was I supposed to do, just let him die on the floor in my hooves?!”
“Ugh. Do you know how many requests they’ve sent in demanding his magic items? Do you know how many requests they’ve sent in demanding him? We might never get our hooves back on him!”
“He would be permanently lost should he die, sister. What was I supposed to do? Send him to the Surgeon? You know what he would charge! Where am I supposed to get a dragon corpse on such short notice?”
“Why else do you think I keep Spike around?!” My mouth dropped. Celestia sighed and lifted a hoof to her forehead. “No, forget I said that. That was… Well, that was the original plan. But after… Well, plans can change when the heart gets involved. You did the right thing, Luna. I was not in a position to help and if you couldn’t figure out what to do, sending him there was the next best choice. I will be joining him shortly to ensure he will not have difficulties leaving. Tell me what happened.”
“Blueblood returned. None of Shining Armor’s worthless guards made an attempt to stop him. He found Navarone and stabbed him. Taya immediately killed Blueblood. We tried healing Nav, but something was stopping us. The only reason he still lives is because of his nature.”
“Was there panic?”
“No. The party-goers appear to all be dosed with some manner of drug. I believe Blueblood snuck it in to make targeting Navarone easier.”
“That… is something I had not considered.”
“You were aware the party was drugged?”
Celestia sighed and hung her head. “I am aware that I was drugged. That is why I was unavailable. I thought it was… somepony else who did it.”
“Captain Midnight Blossom is beginning a full investigation. Blueblood was allowed to walk in when the palace should have had the highest security possible. This drug went undetected until it was served to the guests. Not only that, but it was delivered to Princess Celestia herself! I swear to you sister, heads will roll when I am finished.”
“Do not bring out your axe before consulting me, sister. Get to the bottom of this. Scrape and dig and pry until you know exactly what happened. And the instant you do, come straight to me. If Blueblood had a way to stop our magic, we must know who sent him and why. If he spoke to anypony in this party, find them and squeeze until you have every last drop of information you require.”
“I have not been away so long that I forgot how to lead an inquisition,” Luna said. “But I want a promise from you, sister. I will find the ones responsible, but I want something in return.”
“There is no need for rewards, sister. Speak your desire and see it made reality sooner rather than later.”
“Allow this to be the final nail in Shining Armor’s coffin. His track record is abysmal. Failure after humiliating failure. He’s a disgrace to our army. Let me put Captain Midnight in charge and I guarantee this will not happen again.”
“...Conduct your investigation, Luna. And as part of it, I want Midnight to discover the whereabouts and behaviors of Shining Armor during this debacle. You are correct when you say that his record is poor. We will see what he did to attempt to prevent this. Once I have that information, I will decide whether to press formal treason charges against him or just informally place Midnight in charge until he retires to his fiefdom. I hope that will be adequate.”
From the feral grin across Luna’s face, I could predict her answer. “More than I could have hoped for, dearest sister. Go ensure Nav is well taken care of and see what you can do to have him returned to the palace for his bed rest. I will begin digging.”
Celestia hugged her sister for a moment before teleporting off. When she was gone, Luna giggled in sadistic glee for a few seconds before her horn lit up and a soaking-wet and soapy Midnight Blossom appeared before her.
“You have a new task,” Luna said.
“P-princess! I was taking a shower!”
Luna’s horn lit up and all the water and soap disappeared. “You are now clean.” Her horn lit up again and Blossom’s armor appeared on a pony mannequin. “This cannot wait. Get dressed and I will explain.”
“You gave me the night off! You guaranteed me—”
“Navarone was almost murdered by Blueblood in the middle of the Gala.” Blossom blinked for a few seconds before starting to strap on armor. “He used drugs in the food to placate the party-goers and get Celestia out of the way. So first, send your guards to the kitchens and arrest every single one of the chefs who are on duty, along with all of the servants who have even been in the kitchen all day. The drugs got to the party somehow. One of them has to know something.”
“Why wasn’t Blueblood stopped at the entrance?” Blossom asked.
“My operating assumption is that he did not use the entrance. Some of our guards are incompetent, but surely nopony could be that incompetent. The shield around the party protects against changelings and stops all conventional teleportation. However, every member of royalty knows how to access the teleportation ring. Send a magical diagnostic team to that room to see if it’s been used today. I know Celestia and I have been here all day and Cadance flew in with Nav.”
“And if they find nothing?”
“Then my second assumption would be him using a contact to finagle his way in, either through bribery or distracting a guard. Alternately, Blueblood was an orphan who grew up in the palace. It’s very likely he knows every single way in and out of this place, including some that aren’t commonly patrolled. If your magical diagnostics pick up nothing, question the guards on watch.”
“Do we have any idea how long Blueblood was here?”
“None. The first I heard of him being here was when he stabbed Nav.”
“How many witnesses saw the stabbing?”
“There were three direct witnesses. Princess Cadance, Princess Gilda of the griffins, and Taya, Nav’s daughter. Everypony in the room looked up when Taya screamed after he was stabbed, so they all saw Blueblood push him away from his horn.”
“W-wait… Blueblood stabbed Nav with his horn?”
“Yes. I’m not sure if Blueblood knew what it would cause should Nav die. Unfortunately, we can’t ask him questions.”
“Wait, why not? Did he escape?”
“Oh, no. He’s dead. Taya killed him moments after he stabbed Nav. So we’re doing this the hard way. Get to work, Midnight. If the dice fall well in this investigation, you’ll be getting a raise.”
“Um. I mean, I appreciate it, but I honestly don’t need money for much anyway. I mean, I don’t have to buy food, so…”
“Well, it’ll come as part of your promotion.”
“P-promotion? For what?!”
“We’ll have to put someone in charge after Shining Armor has been charged with treason, stripped of his titles, and executed. He has failed one time too many, allowing someone far more important than he to be harmed. So dig well and quickly, captain. The future of the Equestrian military is at stake. It’s time to put a true predator back in charge.”
“T-treason?! Princess, I know Shining Armor isn’t the best guard, but… there’s nobody more loyal to Equestria!”
“Do you remember what happened at the Gala two years ago?” Luna asked.
“No, you guaranteed me that night off, too. I always take the Gala off.”
“Navarone made a bet with Celestia. The bet was that he could fake-assassinate her at the party. His claim was that her defense was lackluster and that it would be easy to penetrate.”
“Oh. Yes, I do remember hearing about that. He uh… He won that bet, didn’t he?”
“Hoofily. Celestia warned Shining Armor that Nav was coming and he did absolutely nothing to stop Nav from harming his princess. What does that sound like to you?”
“Uh. Gross dereliction of duty?”
“Surely you remember what happened with Chrysalis.”
“I… Uh, the official story, or what you told me really happened?”
“The part where a rude, cruel bug successfully pretended to be Shining Armor’s wife for a full three days without anypony but Twilight noticing. How do you think Chrysalis fooled Shining Armor?”
“I have a few personal opinions about the matter…”
“Do you remember the war games?”
“With relish, Princess.”
“Need I continue?”
Blossom rubbed the back of her neck, which was pointless because it was now covered in armor. “Well, I’m seeing that he’s a bad soldier. I’m not really seeing that he’s a traitor.”
“That is because you are not very good at propaganda. Shining Armor did not stop Navarone from harming Celestia because he was hoping Nav would succeed. Shining Armor was actually working with Chrysalis to try to bring us down and keep his fiancee imprisoned so he could rule alongside Chrysalis. And after Nav trounced Shining Armor in the war games, Shining got jealous and mad and bitter. He decided he couldn’t take losing over and over, so he invited another person with a grudge against Nav back to Canterlot, one ex-Prince Blueblood. They formed a plot where they could take out a common enemy. Shining Armor took care of the princess and partygoers, Blueblood took care of Nav. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“You’re… making a lot of assumptions, Princess,” Blossom slowly said.
“I am not making assumptions,” Luna said. “I am telling you what evidence you are going to find.”
“Uhhhh… Are you… are you really asking me to lie on official records to take Shining Armor down for treason?”
“HE LOCKED ME IN A BUBBLE!” Luna screamed, slamming a hoof on the floor hard enough to crack it. “AND WORSE, HE ALLOWED MY LOVE TO BE ASSAULTED BY THAT MONSTER!”
“Your… love?” Blossom asked.
Luna’s teeth snapped shut so hard I could hear it even with her mouth closed. She spent a few long seconds glaring at Blossom before slowly saying, “Conduct your investigation, Captain. Find what you find. We shall see where the dice lie when they finish rolling.” Her horn lit up and she vanished.
Blossom actually sagged and lifted a hoof to her chest. “My heart hasn’t beaten in so long, and yet… Sweet Celestia, that was terrifying…” It didn’t take her too long to get over it though. She sighed one more time and started muttering about missing her yearly house-cleaning while trotting to the door. I didn’t really see any reason to follow, since I already got to see everything I cared about.
When Blossom was out the door, I grunted. “Seeing the Gala through this lens was… interesting. And it gave me a whole lot to ponder. How much of what Taya shows me is real and how much of it is an illusion?”
“She learned how to act and how to lie from you,” my guide said. “So you will have to work to pierce the guise she displays… unless there is nothing more beneath it anymore.”
“Which is also possible. She’s been through a lot of things that can seriously change even adults. It’s time I had a talk with her about our future. Part of that will include what she thinks and how she acts.”
“And what do you think of Discord’s message across time?”
“It was too specific to be a shot in the psychological dark. He created me. He knows me in ways I probably don’t even know myself. But even despite all that, I still have no clue how he knew I’d be there at that time.”
“And do you have any thoughts about how many chefs and servants were tortured for something that you and Pinkie did?”
“Yeah, none. Torture’s illegal in Equestria. I am kinda curious about what happened to them, though. I mean, after Celestia saw those pictures in the paper, surely she would have figured it out.”
“It isn’t a memory we have,” my guide said. “So I’m afraid I honestly don’t know. Has your rage toward Reginald cooled?”
“A little, but I’m still pretty fucking salty about it. If there’s one thing that sets me off, it’s people not giving me the information I need or that could be really helpful, especially when they’re supposedly friends of mine who have no reason to withhold the knowledge other than potential personal gain. I could have avoided almost everything that happened in Iceland had he told me what really happened before I found out the hard way and ended up under Pyrite’s talons!”
“Do you have any other thoughts about the party?”
“So many,” I said. “So many that they’re clouding my mind. I see why so many people get stuck in these comas. It’s so much to process and it all comes at you so quickly. The rules seem to change all the time and danger seems to randomly strike out. I shudder to think of what the bunker will be like.”
“Are you prepared to move on?”
“Honestly, no. I don’t want to be stuck in here for longer than necessary, but I need to take a break after this one. Are there any messages?”
“There are. Shall we return to the glade, then?”
“...Yeah, I think I’m done here.” Her eyes flashed and off we went.