//------------------------------//
// Down the Mountain 
// Story: Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures 
// by Spettro138 
//------------------------------//

The morning was progressing steadily over the heart of the city of Griffonstone. The cold crisp air bit through even the thickest of fur and feathers as it whisked through the mountains. A snowstorm that was blowing harshly the night before was coming down gently and gracefully, painting a calming picture on this winter morn. A few warm rays of sunlight peeked through the clouds as a silver lining in the sky began to form. One new sight in this relatively perfect scene is the smoldering black spot of land right outside of the city center. Here was where the viciously unpopular Greta's Baking Company used to stand. Ponies, Griffons, and a small group of humans could be seen gathered in front of the disaster sight, lamenting the events that have happened over the past few days.

Gordon Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle stood there in front of the smoldering piece of land with somewhat sad, but also content faces, glad that the Nightmare was finally over. Each of their party took the events of the day differently and were doing different things to cope with the stress. Applejack was trying her best to stay strong for everyone else, despite how exhausted she was feeling. Fighting off crowds of angry griffons was not something any normal pony did and it took quite a toll on her stamina. Rarity looked on at the destruction with a hint of disappointment and sadness, but also sympathy. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie just stood there huddled up against Gilda as she stared at the now-empty land with despair and gloom.

It was a feeling that Chef Gordon had seen in many a person who had their restaurants closed down for one reason or another. It was like seeing one of your children die. Something you had put so much of your life and precious time into, and watch it grow with pride. Only to have it disappear due to circumstances that were often out of the owner's control. However, while many of the owners he had come across squandered their chances, Gilda did the best she could and made something beautiful. Especially in a place like Griffonstone that seemingly rejected beauty. He couldn't help but feel bad for the griffon. She was young, kind, strong, rather pretty for being a different species, and she was talented. Seeing such talent be rejected by the world did break his heart now and then.

The tension and depression of the situation were so uncomfortable to everyone. But not more so than Spike, who had been doing his best to be as silent and supportive as he could. 

"So what now?" Spike asked. "

"Now my boy, I think it's time we should start heading on home," Gordon muttered to the drake. "However, I have a feeling that the girls have something in mind before we start heading home."

"Really? What?"

Gordon gestured to Twilight and Rarity who were slowly walking towards Gilda and Goldie, both of which looked like all happiness had disappeared from the world entirely. Twilight did her best to show as much tact and respect as she could muster, given the circumstances.

"So...what are you going to do now?" Twilight asked the somber griffon.

"Who cares anymore?" she sniffed. "I'll probably just head back to Grandpa Gruff's Cafe and hope that I can make enough money to get by. Even that is doubtful considering how bad his business is."

"Your Grandpa does his best Gilda," Fluttershy reminded. "He's just a little bit, bad with normal world things."

"Well he called me statue lover and feather snatcher, so he can't be all bad," Pinkie added goofily.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Rainbow Dash cried. "You didn't deserve any of this. Why did we have to destroy the restaurant?"

"You know why Rainbow," Twilight scolded gently. "Equestrian laws are clear. Deliberately attacking or incapacitating Elite Troops, let alone Celestia's personal Solar Praetorians is a grave criminal offense. It would have led to an international incident if we didn't resolve things quickly. Our friendship with the Griffon Republic has always been questionable and shaky at best."

"Still, this whole thing is a steaming pile of Minotaur shi--" Rainbow started.

"Rainbow! Please!" Rarity pleaded calmly. "This was nobody's fault. Except for Greta and Garai's fault maybe. Despite all of that though, I believe I might have an easy solution to our predicament here."

Gordon had heard Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity's suggestion for the two griffons the previous night when they talked alone and he was quite happy to see such a resolution come out of such a bleak situation.

"What solution?" Gilda asked in disbelief.

"How would you both like to become official citizens of Equestria?" Twilight said with a smile.

"WHAT?" everyone there gasped.

"Citizens?" the griffons asked confused.

"Why yes darlings," Rarity spoke up. "It would certainly make setting up your new employments a lot easier. Not to mention less paperwork."

"You do paperwork?" Twilight asked humorously.

"It's mandatory in my line of work dear. How else do you think I keep track of all of my supplies and products? I'm actually thinking of taking a Financial Accounting class at Ponyville Town Hall in a few weeks here. It would certainly benefit me to learn more." 

"Wh-What do you mean new employments?" Goldie asked nervously.

Pinkie zipped in front of the griffons and pulled them into a painfully tight hug, all the while maintaining an abnormally large smile.

"We're giving you new jobs silly geese!" Pinkie jumped in. "The restaurant business is kinda lacking in Ponyville and another one is always welcome. I have enough money from being an Element to help you start up a location. Plus, Mr. and Mrs. Cake's bakery is getting rough to run with only three of us. I kinda need an assistant manager if you catch my drift, Gilly."

"And with my boutique becoming more and more of a success, I need someone to promote my brand. How would you like to become my fashion model/store supervisor Goldie dear?"

"You mean they can come live with us? Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh!" Rainbow said ecstatically.

The bombardment of offers stunned the two griffons. Everything seemed to freeze as they heard those words being spoken. It was like waking up from a terrifying nightmare and being introduced to something wonderful. Their beaks began to twitch up into warm thankful smiles as tears of joy. Suddenly, Gilda leaped off of the ground without a moment's notice and tackled everyone into a big group hug, sobbing joyfully. The hug in of itself felt nice, but Gilda put more strength into it than she intended, and knocked the air out of every pony present. It made their lungs feel surprised. The bad kind of surprised. Except for Pinkie Pie who was loving every second of it.

"Does that mean yes?" the pink mare asked.

"OF COURSE YES, YOU WONDERFUL PINK IDIOT!!!" Gilda cried. 

"I will agree, ahem." Goldie coughed politely. "It is quite an offer. One that, I honestly did not expect you to make to someone like me your Majesty."

She squeezed tighter, making Pinkie screech in the way that only a squeaky toy would. After a few seconds, she loosened her grip upon the uncomfortable ponies, feeling better than she felt in years. Gordon and Spike sat on the sidelines with his production crew, amused and charmed at the scene unfolding before them. Twilight and her friends needed a moment, but after they were able to properly breathe again, they regained their composure.

"This is awesome!" Rainbow hoof pumped. "You can bunk with me again! I've always wanted a roommate!"

"What about Griffonstone Gilda? Isn't this like your home or something?" Applejack asked. 

"Isn't your family here?" Fluttershy asked hopefully. 

"There's...nothing here for me anymore. I never knew my birth parents, they died in Grasputin's revolt right after I was born. Grandpa Gruff has my aunt to take care of him, and my apartment is falling apart at the seams."

"Oh Gilda, I'm so sorry," the butter-colored pegasus consoled.

"My condolences Gilda, that's always rough. I may not know them, but I'm willing to bet that they loved you a lot."

"Thanks, Gord. I appreciate that" Gilda said with a sad smile. "I just had a crummy deck all my life filled with nothing but bad claws."

"Doesn't she mean bad hands?" Jay asked with an eye roll.

"What about you then Goldie?" Twilight asked, rubbing her sore chest.

"Are you sure you want me Miss Rarity?" Goldie asked timidly. "I'm nothing special. I'm just a poor waitress."

"You're a beautiful young lady who could go far in the fashion industry darling. Don't ever sell yourself short like that," Rarity said firmly. "I simply won't allow it. Your performance at the fashion show the other night was absolutely stunning. Most adult mare models don't move as gracefully as you do."

Goldie felt her face grow hot as she blushed heavily. The praise was almost too much for the poor girl to take.

An hour later, the group had arrived back at Gilda's apartment and started helping her pack. Thankfully, Rarity had brought along a few extra trunks in the event of an emergency. With the addition of a pocket dimension enchantment Twilight placed upon the trunks, Gilda was able to gather every last piece of furniture, clothing, and stationery that she had in her apartment. The group was quite surprised to see how many things Gilda had been hoarding in her closet alone. Soon enough, all of her belongings were safely stored away in her new enchanted trunk. The only thing to do before heading on their way was gathering Goldie's belongings.

Goldie led them to the western part of town, and towards one of the large branches that were under reconstruction. Gordon was astounded as to how the griffons could build fully functional houses into the sides of branches hanging over the side of a cliff. Fully equipped with plumbing and electricity. The only explanation that he could logically come up with is that the Griffons had a source of magic of their own. The branch was massive and quite a sight to behold to be sure. It spanned the length of a football field across and reached over the cliff for several miles. 

"Where did this thing come from exactly?" Gordon asked. "It's fucking immense."

"Nobody is quite sure, but it is in our legends, it is said that our first king, Growler the Fowl snuck into the goddess Faust's palace and stole a seed from her Garden of Eternity," Goldie explained timidly. "By bringing it back, he proved himself to all the people here. When he planted the seed in the heart of the mountain, it is said that it grew to the size that we see here today, but destroyed all plant life in our country."

"I've read about that legend. After almost all plant life disappeared from the surrounding mountain range, King Growler declared war on all ponykind, starting the Thousand-Year Griffon War." Twilight added. "Our two species would keep fighting until Celestia, Luna, and my ancestor Clover the Clever finally put a stop to it. With the help of King Grover at least. It would be interesting to meet a direct descendant of him."

"Well, I'm glad that we're friends now at least," Fluttershy said nuzzling Gilda.

The hen chuckled and patted Fluttershy on the head, silently walking on as she listened to Twilight. 

"Kinda hard to believe any of you have ever done anything bloody at any point in history." Gordon wondered. "You ponies, griffons, and dragons have to be the most pleasant mannered people I've seen in my whole damn life."

"I'm afraid I'm the only nice dragon like me Gordon," Spike said bashfully, rubbing his head in embarrassment. "Most other dragons except for Princess Ember and I are pretty big misogynistic, racist, crazy jerks."

"Good to see you've been keeping up on your Equish vocabulary homework," Twilight added humorously. 

"Well I am glad then I know you at least my friend," Gordon remarked with a warm smile. 

Walking across the massive branch may have been technically safe for all of the magic users all around, all of the humans present were sweating profusely. All that stood between them and falling thousands of feet to the ground below, was a hunk of old wood beneath their feet. Say nothing of the camera crew who were desperately trying to make sure they remained as close to the winged ponies as they possibly could. Added with the relatively slick surface the snow had left behind, the walk turned into quite a harrowing experience.

Fifteen minutes later, the group stopped off at a humble little house, neatly tucked into the left edge of the branch. It barely held on to the titanic tree limb, making Gordon's crew want to remain outside. 

"Are you sure this is safe?" Gordon asked nervously as he stepped onto the rickety porch. 

"Griffon homes have similar constructions to Pegasus homes, so don't worry Chef," Rainbow chuckled. "And if you fall through the floor, Gilda and I got your back.

"That's reassuring,"  Gordon scoffed in disbelief.

Heading inside, Gordon saw that Goldie didn't seem to have much in the way of amenities. A simple kitchen with a few pots and pans, a single beat-up couch, and a bed tucked into the far side of the room. A medium-sized bookshelf was tucked into the left side of the house with many old books. A small red dusty plush chair was tucked into the corner that had signs of being well used and well-loved. A tiny little table made of scraps of driftwood sat beside it, adorned only with a single candle holder, a quill, and a few scraps of paper. Other than its age and its diminutive size, the house seemed to be very well kept. 

"I'm very sorry, I didn't get a chance to serve you anything decent at the restaurant," Goldie said. 

"That's alright Goldie," Twilight said kindly. "We're heading back to Equestria in a few minutes, so you don't have to make us anything."

"Oh...." she said awkwardly. "Well, at the very least, allow me to thank you your majesty with a few drinks."

Goldie smiled sweetly and then zipped off to her cupboards.

"She has a hard time talking to some people," Gilda explained. "Just let her get this out of her system and she'll be good."

"It's fine," Fluttershy replied. "She reminds me of...well me. I'm still a little bit like that."

Pulling out a dozen drink glasses with one of her claws, she reached far back into her cupboard and pulled out a large bottle filled with a fizzing clear liquid inside. Placing the glasses down, she poured the drink into each one and handed them off to each member of the party.

"Looks a bit like sparkling water," Gordon said as he gave a whiff. "Sure doesn't smell like it though. What is it if I might ask?"

"Griffonian Fizzy Lifting Water," she replied. "It's one of my last bottles."

"Are you sure you want to give this to us?" Twilight asked. "I've read that this stuff is pretty valuable and not much of it is made every five years or so. Clan Wars were fought in the early days of the Griffon Empire for the spring this is made from."

"I've been trying to get a case of the stuff myself for a while," Gilda admitted. "Grandpa Gruff keeps his under lock and key."

"It sounds fun!" Pinkie chattered.

"It looks promising enough," Rarity said with surety.

"Fizzy Lifting Water?" Gordon asked. "That sounds familiar..."

"Oh please your majesty," the hen pleaded. "Let me show you some hospitality before we go on our way."

Twilight felt reluctant to accept such a lofty gift, despite her royal status, but when she looked to Rainbow and Gilda, they simply shrugged and downed the drink.

"Alright," she breathed.

Watching everyone else drink the liquid without too much problem, Gordon deliberated with himself and gingerly sipped on the drink. Immediately, his taste buds were shocked with a wonderful tingling feeling of carbonation as the sensation danced in his mouth. He detected hints of many minerals and a few different berries, notably juniper. Just like the others, all of the water in the glass was soon downed as he felt his stomach begin to grumble. It was an odd feeling that turned into a slight pain that moved up and down through his abdomen before settling, leaving him with good citrus after taste in his mouth.

"Well, that was quite nice. Reminded me of some sparkling wines back home," Gordon said in approval.

"That was pretty yummy! Maybe I should try making it when we get back," Pinkie said.

"Not sure how long it will take for the effect of this stuff to kick in," Gilda giggled. 

"What effect?" Gordon asked suspiciously.

"You'll see soon enough."

Her evil chuckling through the next few minutes disturbed the human greatly, wondering what harm such a simple-looking drink could wreak upon his body.

An hour later, the group started on their way back down the mountain and toward the border. The trek was a lot less harrowing this time around, due to the break in the weather. The clouds began to part and soon the sun was showing its face to the world once again, bathing the landscape in mid-daylight. The snow though, was still rather deep, making it difficult for most of the party members present to trudge through. Their load was doubled, having to drag not only Rarity's heavy trunks but also Goldie's large trunk which she had stored all of her valuables for the move. The humans were great to have a rise in temperature from the deathly chill that nearly killed them on the way up. Rarity thankfully provided all of the humans with warm winter clothing for the trip, while she dressed in her own thick coat and ushanka.

The trek down the mountain turned out to be a lot easier than their trip up to Griffonstone. As long as they held their footing at the very least. Their loads made moving through narrow passes dangerous. One false step or a wrong shift in weight could send them tumbling to their deaths. Twilight took notice of how well Gordon was doing in these harsh conditions, even taking lead with her ahead of the group. The constant gusts of wind in the Griffon mountain ranges made it almost impossible for any of the winged members of the group to lift themselves off the ground without getting tossed into the mountainside.  

They came to a deep spot in the snow where their progress slowed down exponentially. Twilight tried pushing the snow out of the way with a plow construct for some time but was halted soon afterward when she smacked headfirst into a thick layer of hardened ice.

"You alright there Twilight?" Gordon shouted from behind.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay," she whined. "I've got a hard head. This ice is gonna make things hard for us. Be careful everyone! We're coming back to those narrow cliffs again. Keep a tight grip on everything. The temperature rise is compacting the melting snow into ice. Everything is going to get really slick."

"It's a time like this I'm glad I brought my ropes and ice axes," Applejack said as she pulled the gear out of one of her saddlebags.

"Why do you have an ice ax? Let alone two?" Rainbow asked.

"You go into the Ice Box business too Apple?" Gilda snidely remarked.

"Apple Bloom has a bad habit of climbing up to the roof of the barn whenever we get some deep snow," she replied with vague annoyance. "Plus, it helps clean the ice off, so there's that."

"Good thinking Applejack. Why don't we use your ropes to make lifelines?" Twilight suggested. 

"That actually does sound...smart here," Gordon said straining as he carried a heavy suitcase. "Why...didn't we fucking do that...before? Especially if a gust of wind could blow us off a fucking cliff?"

"It's usually safer in these mountains in the morning and evening when the winds have died down. We came up the mountain in the morning." Twilight replied.

"Jeez, she sure did her homework," Gilda added with a raised eyebrow.

Applejack started wrapping everyone together in chains of rope interconnected with one another, creating a stable lifeline. Fluttershy insisted upon having her wings tied down for extra protection. Gilda and Goldie declined the offer, having more experience dealing with the harsh terrain.

"You have no idea," Rainbow whispered back.

"Twilight got a little nutty about the idea of coming to Griffonstone the first time around," Pinkie said quietly as she comically stretched her neck. 

"The number of books she made me study up on," Spike said with a shiver. "That test was enormous."

"I heard that!" Twilight said with a smirk. "It was only fifty pages."

"One hundred Twilight! You used both the front and back of the pages." 

Everyone started laughing as they continued on their way. Every few minutes or so, they were forced to huddle up against cliff faces to stop themselves from being blown off. Their progress soon paid off as three hours later, their progress paid off. The group finally descended to a lower elevation where the snow and ice finally began to thin out. They came to a ridge, overlooking the border of Equestria, and they saw the afternoon train, waiting patiently for them at the bottom. Its vibrant pink coloration made it easily visible against the frost-covered tundra of Northern Equestria.

"There it is!" Twilight said. "The Equis Express." 

"Been a while since I've seen that eyesore," Gilda joked.

"Yeah, it doesn't really have a good color combo there, but it's mighty comfy and really friendly." Applejack remarked.

"It's really quiet and peaceful whenever we want a private moment," Fluttershy said cheerfully. "The conductors are always so nice."

"During the winter, they bring out dance groups into the cars and sing about hot chocolate," Pinkie chattered. "One of them always sounds like Tom Hanks!"

"I've never been to Equestria before, so this is all going to be new for me," Goldie said nervously.

"Don't worry kid, we'll show you the ropes," Rainbow said as she wrapped a hoof around Goldie's shoulders.

"It certainly will be nice to be in a warm place again," Gordon said with satisfaction in his voice.

The last stretch of the mountain went by like a blur as the group found themselves back on flat land. Thin layers of ice crunched beneath their hooves and feet as they approached the train platform. The conductor came out onto the concrete platform and greeted the group cordially.

"Welcome back your majesty," the conductor said. "I was starting to get worried."

"The weather slowed down our progress a little bit," Twilight explained."But we got through alright."

"If you don't count nearly slipping off of a fucking cliff to our doom several times," Gordon dryly stated.

"Oh hush Gordon, we made it didn't we?" Rarity snapped.

"I had to use my claws several times to hold on to the ice," Spike whined. " They're all warped now. I'll have to do several clawicures when we get back home."

Gilda and Rainbow covered their mouths as they started snickering violently at the teen reptile.

"Would you like us to do your toenails too? Maybe with a little bit of polish?" Rainbow said through her laughter.

"Laugh it up. Your hooves and claws are gonna get messed up and I'll be waiting when they do," Spike replied snootily.

Boarding the train, the conductor showed them to their car as everyone settled in and waited for the train to depart on its three-day run back to Ponyville. Goldie was thoroughly impressed with the great service and comforting atmosphere that the Equis Express provided them. The baggage attendants had a rather hard time going through everyone's luggage and storing it on the train, but they eventually got the job done when Twilight provided them with a little help on her behalf. When all of their luggage was safely aboard, the train waited a few more minutes for any late arrivals, and then slowly departed southward. Back towards Equestria and Ponyville where they would regroup with the other princesses.

Gordon coordinated with the train's chef and prepared hearty lunches for all of them. Gilda and Goldie opted to do a semi-vegetarian breakfast without any meat. They claimed that some griffons are adopting more Pony-like diets for health reasons. 

Midway through their lunch, Gordon began to feel his stomach rumble and gurgle as gas began to build up inside. 

"I think there might be something that's disagreeing with my stomach," Gordon said with discomfort.

"Well you did put cheese on those scrambled eggs you brought out. Are you lactose intolerant?" Fluttershy asked.

"Not to my knowledge my dear. I can eat cheese just fine."

"Don't you humans eat a lot of meat?" Twilight asked unamused. "It's no wonder that you are feeling gassy right now. Spike had issues for the first few weeks when he tried his first steak."

"It was your horrible baked beans that did that Twilight. Don't blame my poor steak." Spike sassed back.

Gordon then saw Gilda begin to snicker at them, but he couldn't fathom why, until his body did something unexpected.

All of a sudden, everypony's stomach including his own, started to growl violently as they started floating off the ground. The whole group began to panic while Gilda was laughing so hard that she was starting to cry. Pinkie was having the time of her life, Fluttershy was absolutely terrified, while everyone else was screaming their heads off.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Goldie repeatedly apologized. "I completely forgot about the effect the Water had on non-Griffons. It creates excessive buoyant gases in certain kinds of digestive systems."

"GET ME FUCKING DOWN FROM HERE AND FIX THIS!" Gordon screamed, before hitting his head into the door frame.

Goldie and Gilda simply looked at each other fearfully. 

"Do-over," they said in unison.

Next Time: Back to Ponyville