//------------------------------// // "I'm so sorry... for everything." // Story: I'm sorry, Twilight // by the7Saviors //------------------------------// It's a simplistic apology that doesn't even come close to conveying how I feel about this whole situation. Nevertheless, I put as much feeling into my words as I can. It isn't hard to do given how fragile I feel at the moment. Spike had brought me back from the brink of a complete mental breakdown, but I'm far from okay. Still, it looks like things are going to be okay now that my faithful assistant is here with me. And what's more, he seems to be back to his old cheerful self. Just like I remember him. I have so many questions to ask Spike, but instead of saying anything right away, I pull him into another small hug, reveling in the warmth of his scales. It takes another moment for me to realize he hasn't replied and I pull away from him with a quizzical frown. To my confusion, his comforting smile fades in something a little more melancholy, almost sorrowful. I also see something else in that smile—something older, something wiser, more understanding. I don't like it. "Spike?" I ask tentatively, "what's wrong?" "Well, it's just... there's no need to apologize, Twilight. If anything, I'm the one that's sorry for acting so stupid all this time." "No, Spike," I reply, taking a step towards the drakeling, "I was the idiot here. I never once tried to talk to you. I could've prevented things from getting as bad as they did, but I was... scared. I don't know why, but that was no excuse to distance myself from you." Spike slowly shakes his head and gives me a strange, pitying look, not unlike the one Fluttershy wore earlier. "No, Twilight, you don't understand. I... I kinda found some things out—some really, really important things... and kept it all to myself. I should've told you, but... well... I was afraid of how you'd react, but not anymore. I'm done hiding things from you, Twilight, and I've already forgiven you for hiding things from me so you don't have to worry about that anymore." "Spike... what are you talking about?" I ask, unable to stop a small tremor from entering my voice, "what did you find out? Where did you go?" I take another step forward, "where have you been?" The warmth and comfort from only moments ago is slowly beginning to ebb, and I can feel the fear crawling its way back into my mind. Spike's sad smile only grows sadder at the onslaught of questions and I suddenly get the feeling I've made a terrible mistake. "...Spike?" "The truth is... I never left, Twilight. I never once left the library. I've been here the whole time... right under your nose, watching you... but you never noticed me." "No..." I mutter, searching my memory for something I missed, "no you weren't here, Spike. I looked everywhere... everywhere for you. I searched every nook and cranny, searched the library from top to bottom, and I didn't... I couldn't find you... anywhere." As I say this, I feel a sharp tug in my mind, like a rod trying desperately to reel in a fish. The sensation causes me to wince in pain, but I try to grab hold of it anyway, only to fail, and it slips away. "You didn't check down there, Twilight. You never check down there." "Down..." The tug, the sensation, the thought... the memory comes again, but a jolt of inexplicable terror makes me instinctively push it away. Not down there. Never down there. Never again. I clench my eyes shut against the creeping dread, try to push it away, but it pushes back, and not just fear, but unbridled terror fills me again. "I don't know what you're talking about, Spike!" I find myself shouting "I don't understand what you mean! Down there? Down wh—" Spike's not there anymore. My eyes fall on a room devoid of anypony else but me, but before I can fully comprehend this fact, I hear a voice. It comes from everywhere at once; It comes from above me, from behind and right in front of me. I can hear through the walls, I can hear in my mind... ...but I hear it echo the loudest from below. "Down here in the basement, Twilight." "Down here in your laboratory." "That's where I found your little secret, Twilight. Your little pet project, what you were hiding from me and the rest of the world." The voice is gurgling, wet, and carries the slow rattle of somepony on the brink of death... and I realize with growing horror that it's his voice. It was always his voice. "You're not Spike," I whisper shakily, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but the vague and incomprehensible images that flash through my mind, "you... you can't be Spike... Spike is... h-he's... he—" "I'm not dead, Twi... I never was." The images begin to grow clear, and memories begin to surge to the surface, but I desperately try to shove them back down. It's a losing battle. "I was always here, waiting for you to come back for me... to save me... but you never did, Twilight." I feel numb. My head is pounding with the effort it takes to keep the memories at bay, but despite those efforts, some things begin to seep through the cracks. "W-Who are you?!" I shout in a high, frightened voice, "What did you do with Spike?!" The voice ignores my questions. It knows the truth, and it knows that I know the truth. It knows what I've been keeping hidden, locked deep down inside me—somewhere so deep that it wouldn't even be possible without the use of— "Mind magic. Powerful wards that twist the memory and trick the senses into believing nothing's there." "That's why you didn't come back for me, Twilight. You thought I was dead, and so you locked me and your memory away behind wards and seals and left me there alone with it." "But that's okay, Twi. Now the seals are breaking and you're remembering everything you hid deep inside your broken mind, and that's what really matters." "You do remember that thing you pulled into the basement, right? The monster you let out from that place you called the 'Other Side'? The 'cat'?" I remember. Celestia help me, I'm beginning to remember all of it. The memory of that monstrosity nearly makes me wretch with fear. I can remember the excitement I felt at the historic breakthrough I'd made. All my hard work had led up to that moment, months of study, too many sleepless nights to count, grueling and frustrating trial and error... but I'd finally done it. I'd wanted to keep all my research secret from any prying eyes until I was done... and that included Spike. I don't even know why I thought secrecy was so important at the time, but it was. Spike could have been there, he could've been with me every step of the way, helping me achieve what I and many others thought impossible... but I didn't want him involved, and then things went wrong. Very wrong. I tore open a rift to the 'Other Side', broke something fundamental in the process. I let it into my basement, into Equestria. It was much larger than what Spike had seen in his dreams—its massive form had taken up a sizeable portion of my lab—but other than that, it was exactly as he'd described it, a horrible, mind-bending thing that defied any and all explanation. Like Spike, my mind had also associated it with a feline, but that's not what it was—that couldn't have been what it was. I didn't know at all what to make of it, but whatever it was, it didn't belong here and I shouldn't have brought it here... but I did. I couldn't have known—nopony could have. I tampered with something that was best left alone and Spike was the one that paid the price for it. I could only watch in horror as that thing dragged itself through the opening I'd made for it. Spike had somehow snuck into the lab at some point. He found me, tried to warn me, tried to get me to do something, but I couldn't do anything. I was too scared, horrified by what I'd done... and then, before I knew it, it had grabbed him—changed him, twisted him into something else and pulled him in. His screams were horrible, bloodcurdling, agonized, and I just stood there. He called me then, in that gurgling, wet, rattle of death. He called my name... and I abandoned him. By some miracle I found just enough mental focus to teleport out of the basement and with the last of my sanity I locked whatever that thing had been away with every type of magical seal I knew, and just as the voice said... I forced myself to forget everything. But if Spike was down there, then who or what was living with me this whole time? I can remember sealing off the basement, but now that I'm thinking about it... ...I can't remember anything that happened between sealing the basement and that conversation I had with Spike, or the creature I thought was Spike. Everything before that talk about recurring dreams is a complete blank. "I can tell you what happened, if you want, Twilight, but I'd rather tell you face-to-face. It took some time to weaken them all, but the wards and seals are completely gone now, so you should come and join me. It feels like forever since I've seen you with my own eyes, Twi. I really wanna see you again." "Oh, and don't worry about Applejack. She was getting kinda curious while we were talking, so I kept her busy for you."