Celestia arose even earlier than usual the next morning, well before the raising of the sun. She had a sister to visit, after all, and Princess Luna kept unorthodox hours. Most of the castle still slept, so she saw hardly anypony besides guards on her way from her own tower, across the narrow connecting bridge, and up Princess Luna's neighboring tower.
She found Princess Luna exactly where she expected to: gazing out over Equestria from her balcony, staring out over the land from her vantage point at the pinnacle of the Tower of the Moon. But Celestia knew her sister wasn't actually watching the landscape below – Princess Luna's eyes were glowing slightly, staring fixatedly ahead. She was dreamwalking.
Celestia waited patiently. Or, at least with every effort to appear patient, even if she didn't feel particularly patient on the inside. It wouldn't do to interrupt her fellow princess's nightly duties. So she simply had to wait, pointedly planting herself on a nearby plush cushion in order to better resist the urge to pace. Pacing would only disturb her sister more.
As she expected, it wasn't long before Princess Luna blinked the glow out of her eyes and came to. “Hello, Sister,” she said, without turning to look at Celestia. She knew – somehow Princess Luna always knew when Celestia was there.
“It's a lovely night.”
Princess Luna turned to look over her shoulder at Celestia. “Indeed. I do my best, though this night won't last much longer.” She peered at her sister for a bit longer. “However, I expect you did not arrive early for the lowering of the moon and raising of the sun without some other purpose in mind...”
Celestia sighed. So much for putting off this conversation with small talk. But there was no way around having it, and no way around it being awkward to talk about such things with her own sister. “It's about, well... You know.”
Princess Luna smiled then, and turned fully around toward her. “I'm glad you finally came to me, Sister. Have you tired of dear Cadance's dubious romantic advice already?”
“And Twilight Sparkle's.” Celestia shook her head slowly. “I have to believe they really are trying to help – in their own way – but nothing is working. Everything ends in disaster. I must say, I do not think they truly understand the struggles of beings as old as the two of us.”
Princess Luna nodded. “Yes... I have, given my long isolation, had similar troubles. But do not worry, Sister. I have just the solution.”
“You do?”
Surprising Celestia with a sudden hug, Princess Luna patted her sister on the back. “I know just what you need.”
* * *
Princess Celestia already found herself walking more easily, lighter on her hooves, as she made her way down from the Tower of the Moon. She should have done this from the beginning, she thought. It was always comforting and refreshingly pleasant to control the sky side by side with her sister, rather than in their separate towers – she should wake up early and do so more often. It felt lovely to reconnect once again. But not only that, she should have known that the younger – much younger – princesses wouldn't understand her own unique position. Their romantic advice might be perfectly applicable to ponies their own age, but only Princess Luna could understand and help someone as ancient as Princess Celestia.
Why, she could just about consider her troubles already solved. If anypony could help her, it would be her closest friend: the sister who had been with her almost since the beginning. The two of them knew each other as no other pony could ever hope to. Princess Luna would know just how to help.
If it weren't for the need to maintain her image of royal decorum, she might have found herself skipping down the castle corridor. And despite her formidable self-control, she was humming slightly under her breath – a tuneless, happy song to accompany her slow, graceful hoofsteps.
When another pony turned the corner in front of her, suddenly placing the two of them face to face, though, Celestia froze and gasped. This was no guard or castle servant. This was Fancy Pants!
“Princess!” Fancy startled, jumping back a little before dropping into a hasty bow. “I... I'm sorry. I did not expect you to be about the castle at such an early hour.”
It took Celestia a moment longer than it normally would have, but she regained her composure quickly. “No, no... No need to apologize, Fancy Pants. I did not expect to meet you either. I simply wanted to raise the sun alongside my sister lowering the moon. It's something I think I shall do more often in the future.”
He rose. “That sounds wonderful, Princess. But I'm afraid I must insist – I do have much to apologize for, and though I didn't have quite as much time to prepare such apologies, I want to make it very clear that the unfortunate events of our last meeting were—”
“No,” she insisted firmly. “You were lovely, as always.”
Fancy Pants actually blushed slightly at that, and he made no further move to argue the point.
“The blame for that should be entirely on myself ... or perhaps on a couple ponies who gave me particularly bad advice.” She stifled a sigh – Fancy Pants would be perceptive enough to notice even her subtle expressions. “It is I who should apologize. Not only for the spilled wine, but for maneuvering you into such a ridiculous situation in the first place. It was extremely inappropriate of me, and I promise such a breech of propriety will never happen again.”
“Never?” Fancy asked.
Was it just Celestia's imagination, or was Fancy Pants actually disappointed to hear that she wouldn’t be inappropriate with him again? Oh, what would a bold and uninhibited pony do in her golden horseshoes? Did she dare risk a recurrence of the same disastrous events? But without the meddling of Twilight and Cadance, perhaps there was a chance it would be more successful... Breakfast? No – she needed time to set this up properly. Lunch then. “Well... Perhaps you would care to join me for lunch today in my private quarters? Of course it would merely be between two friends and entirely casual.” She left the 'Unless...' unsaid at the end.
And from the way Fancy's eyebrows rose, he heard that silent 'Unless...' perfectly well. “I... I... I...” Was he actually stammering? Celestia had never seen this dapper pony ever become flustered in any situation. It was a new – and frankly rather adorable – side of him.
“I take it that I can expect company around noon today?” She gave him a sweet smile.
“Yes, Princess, of course!” He bowed again.
“No need for that, please. If we're going to be working closely together on Masquerade Ball preparations, it won't do to be constantly interrupted by groveling. Please, just think of me as a friend.” Or something more than a friend...
He rose immediately and began to resume his trot down the hallway. “Well, then, yes. I would love to be there. I'll see you at midday... Celestia.”
Celestia's heart nearly stopped when she heard her name like that. When was the last time one of her subjects had dared address her without title? It sent thrills through her whole body, and it was a long while before she came back to herself enough to resume her own way down the hall. Perhaps her chances weren't ruined forever with Fancy Pants. Or at least not ruined yet. She would need to ensure that their meeting was conducted properly this time, with none of Twilight's meddling with her appearance and none of Cadance's meddling with the ambiance.
In fact, yes ... she wouldn’t inform the other princesses at all! This was too important to risk them ruining it. Then it would only be her own jittering nerves she'd be contending with, and though they burned like fire now, if anypony could control herself immaculately in a stressful situation, it was her.
Now, to see about those lunch preparations...
* * *
Princess Celestia carefully put the meal she'd plundered from the castle kitchens down on her sideboard and spread out what she had to work with: sliced bread, fresh daisies, crackers and a bit of cheese she couldn't quite identify, pickles and chips for sides, and a bottle of some delightfully sweet-smelling juice.
Simple fare, but since she had decided to not even involve the chefs, this picnic-like spread would be the best she could reliably manage. She wasn't a skilled cook by any means. It had been centuries since she'd last done any serious cooking for herself, much less for others. And besides, as luxurious and well-appointed as her suite was, it did not include any accommodations for cooking. No oven or stove, no cookware, and the only sinks were in the two bathrooms – one private just for her and one 'public' for visitors to her suite.
Before she could set about organizing things or even think about preparing daisy sandwiches and slicing that block of cheese, the door to her suite burst open.
She wasn't facing it, but she already had a fairly good idea of who it would be. Barring a hostile invasion of Canterlot, there was only one pony in the world who would dare to barge into her quarters like that. Even in an emergency, her guards or castle staff would knock and wait for permission or at least announce themselves before entering.
“Yes, Luna?” she said, on the assumption that it wasn't the vanguard of an invading army.
“I have a present for you, Sister!”
Oh dear... Celestia hadn't heard her sister's voice that cheerful and innocent in a very long time. It surely couldn't be a good omen for what was to come. It brought to mind the time Princess Luna had come back from her very first Nightmare Night celebration – she'd stayed awake the entire next day, enthusiastically regaling her sister with tales of candy, spiders, and terrorizing children ... which she apparently found great joy in.
Reluctantly, Celestia turned to face her sister. Princess Luna held a huge cardboard box aloft in front of her with her magic – well-used and weathered, it looked big enough to hide a full-grown pony inside ... perhaps two, if they were on the smaller side and exceptionally friendly with each other. What could Princess Luna have possibly brought her that would necessitate a box so large and couldn't be entrusted to any of the castle porters?
Princess Luna slammed the box down on top of Celestia's table – right where she had been about to set out a firmly casual lunch for two with Fancy Pants. The other alicorn patted the top of the box lovingly ... while favoring Celestia with an enormously smug and knowing grin. “I have just the thing for you.”
Celestia eyed the box, eyed her sister, and slowly raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”
“Come on, don't keep me waiting – come open it!”
It was to be that sort of present, was it? But it wasn't gift wrapped or anything, nor did it have so much as a single bow. Boxes of this ilk could be found next to any dumpster ... at least in other cities. Canterlot had relatively few districts where such a thing would be tolerated by the local residents.
She slowly approached the mysterious box. “Luna,” she said slowly. “Just to be clear, may I safely assume that there won't be any aroused stallions leaping from this box the moment I open it?”
“Ooh, now that's an idea...”
Yes, Princess Luna was certainly in a dangerous mood at the moment, but at least it seemed that Celestia's worst fear would not be coming to pass ... yet. Right in front of the box now, she eyed its slightly bulging sides with even more suspicion.
“Come on! Do you mean to slay me with this suspense?” Princess Luna was practically dancing from hoof to hoof in anticipation.
Well, it would have to be opened sooner or later. Steeling herself for the worst and keeping a shield spell ready for instant activation, Celestia used her magic to slide open the top portions of the box from where they'd been folded together. With a whuff of musky-smelling air, it came open and its contents were laid bare.
It was filled to the brim with magazines. For a moment the sheer volume of them, all the clashing colors, and the bold titles dizzied her eyes. Then she noted that every last one of them – or at least all that she could see – featured a stallion in provocative or compromising pose on the cover. None of them exactly explicit, but all of them coming as close as possible.
“Is it not wondrous?” Princess Luna gushed. “Ponies have been so creative whilst I languished in the moon! There is so much for me to catch up on!” She levitated up a few examples, holding them in front of Celestia's face. “There's a nearly endless supply – Playfilly, The Studbook, Heat, Dirty Little Secret, and of course for the true connoisseur...” She held up yet another one, its pages more creased than the others. “Massive Meat Monthly!”
Celestia stared at them, aghast. “Luna! Is this ... porn?”
Rather than answer her, Luna held Massive Meat Monthly open sideways, letting a multi-folded page tumble down out from the center. Down, down, down. The single extreme close-up shot stretching all the way across that quintuple-wide page removed any doubt there could possibly be about the nature of these publications. The caption proudly proclaimed, 'Printed in actual size!'
“Luna!” she said again, all but yelling. What else could she say when confronted with something like this?
“Magnificent, is it not? I must say, this is one of my all-time favorites.” Luna turned the centerfold toward herself for a moment, admiring it before turning it back toward Celestia and holding it even closer. “Cadance and Twilight Sparkle were too ambitious, trying to start you with real stallions right away. I say you should start slowly and ease into all of this – and this is the perfect way to start! Why, if this fails to get you going, I have no idea what possibly could!”
“Luna!” Celestia said, one last time. “I... I can’t keep this. I can't be seen with this!”
“What, with this?” Luna dangled the page even closer to her sister, fluttering it back and forth. “Being seen with it is not the point, Sister! The point is what you'll see inside it! That is why I have provided you with such a convenient box to conceal your new treasures when you are not making use of them. Though...” She flashed a coy smile. “I do expect that you shall be making such use of these soon that there will be little need for the box!”
“No, Luna! I can't keep these!”
“But—”
“I said no!” Celestia snatched the floating magazines out of the air, overpowering Luna's casual magical grip with a much more forceful one and shoving all the magazines back in the box. “Take these back to ... to wherever it is you found them!”
To her credit, Luna actually paused for a moment, frowning slightly. But then, to her great detriment, she grinned knowingly. “Ah... I see. No matter how much you desire these, you must of course keep up appearances. By no means can you take them willingly.”
Celestia's eyes narrowed. What exactly did her sister mean by 'willingly'?
“In that case, I'll just leave you to it. Enjoy!” Luna then trotted merrily away, bouncing high with each hoof step and fluttering her wings slightly to enhance her mirthful prancing even more. Despite the gaiety of her gait, she reached the door of Celestia's suite with alarming rapidity, nearly before Celestia realized what her sister was doing.
Celestia rushed into action, grabbing the box in her magic and sprinting after her sister. “Oh no you don't! You're taking this back with you!”
“Am I?” Luna said, dashing through the door. “It does not seem to be so...”
Catching up to her just in front of her suite's entrance, Celestia shoved the box up against Luna's chest. “Take it!”
“Ew, no!” Princess Luna squeaked, pushing it back. “Sister, please – I do not want your giant box of porn!”
“What?” Celestia lessened her pressure, allowing her sister to escape a little more.
“You heard me, sister! Keep those disgusting magazines of yours to yourself – I want nothing to do with them!”
That was when Celestia noticed the two guards standing very near them. Both guards stared studiously straight ahead, pointedly not noticing her... Only, she knew from long experience that Royal Guards at this tier were well trained enough to notice everything. She froze, suddenly consumed with what these guards must be thinking after what they'd seen so far.
Luna used that opportunity to abscond almost all the way down the hallway. She only paused for a brief moment before disappearing around the corner ... to give her sister a mischievous wink.
Celestia turned toward the guards, pointlessly and ineffectively hiding the giant box behind herself. She tried to speak as sternly as possible, despite the raging blush she felt on her face: “You two saw nothing here. Spear Point, Rampart, I will know exactly who to punish if even the slightest rumor of this begins to spread.”
“Rumor of what, Princess?” Rampart said.
“Who are you talking to, Your Highness?” Spear Point asked. “There's no one in this hallway but the two of us, just as it has been for hours.”
“Excellent,” Celestia said, quickly retreating back inside her quarters and slamming the door behind her. She might be constantly beset by problems, but thankfully, unreliable guards were not one of those problems.
She disgustedly plopped the box down and returned to what she had been doing before. Once she found a suitable knife, she chopped at the cheese mercilessly.
Of all the pranks her sister could pull, why this? And to think, she had expected better assistance from her own sister than from Twilight or Cadance! What did Luna think she was doing? This was no time for jokes – Celestia was in real distress! Or was it even a joke? It sure seemed like Luna was very familiar with the contents of these magazines. They might actually be Luna's private stash ... which would mean Princess Luna was honestly trying to help ... with that? Celestia glanced back at the box on her floor and savagely hacked at the cheese block.
Still... She glanced again. Well, perhaps... If only to take the edge off and ease her nerves a bit... Maybe, just maybe, she might risk a peek after finishing the sandwiches...