Near the town of Rainbow Falls, there is a resort that was chosen as the spot for the peace summit. During the winter months, tourist often comes to the property to ski down the slopes and have a relaxing place to warm up inside its wooden walls. It was the kind of place where the wealthy tend to go to as it sat on the edge of the mountain, and partly because of the cozy atmosphere the interior is. Large enough too, where the resort acts as a hotel that charges ridiculous large amounts per night.
But most important of all was that it was secluded and safe. An ideal place to house all the world’s leaders in one location. With guards on the paths towards the resort and Pegasi above, this all seemed perfect to discuss the destiny of every nation in the world. But for one group, it was perfect place to spark an all-out war.
Underneath the resort, was where the League of Cringe met up one last time. The Flim Flam brothers toiling away at making a few minor adjustments to a contraption with fans and pipes connecting to the resort’s floor. Blueblood reclined on a couch that Maxwell had to drag up the mountain. Garble was pacing around to relive the boredom of waiting. And then the next ponies to arrive were Spoiled and Diamond, both of whom carried saddlebags.
“So,” Blueblood inquired, “do you have them?”
“Naturally,” Spoiled said, putting down her bag and withdrawing from it one of the glass jars. In her hoof, she showed the league the contents of a swirling purple gas. Diamond did the same, only she held up a jar of some clear liquid. “So, I hope that we have a way to get in first?”
“I found the entrance to the kitchens,” Garble told them, holding up a key. He paused for a moment to look around, “Hey, where’s that hipster pon-”
A whistle was heard, and they turned to find the green stallion in golden-plated armor holding a spear. “Luckily for me, I held on to this from my previous job. You all got to admit, it is a rather convincing disguise, huh?”
“Okay, good.” Blueblood nodded. “So, do all of you remember the plan?”
“I think it’s rather straightforward.” Garble said, “Right before the conference thing, I’d let these two,” he pointed at the rich ponies, “into the kitchen where they could spike the punch and the snacks with… whatever’s in that jar. While that stuff gets served around, the twins here screw on that other jar with the gas where it… uh… what does it do again?”
“It’s quite simple, really,” Flim answered, putting down his wrench. “Separately, the contents in these jars are harmless. The liquid is pretty much odorless and tasteless, while the gas doesn’t have any smell to it.”
“But when combined,” Flam finished his brother’s thought, “especially within the same vicinity, anyone who consumes the liquid and breathes in the gas should induce pure rage. Manors forgotten, civility cast aside, and they’ll start tearing one another up there.”
“Of course, we would need to get out of there in time.” Spoiled pointed out. “Not to mention that every one we need to go into a rage has consumed the snacks. Which is why,” she sighed, begrudgingly pulled out from her saddlebag a servant’s uniform. “we shall distribute the potion.”
“Okay, but what do I do?” Zephyr asked.
“Ah!” Blueblood got up from the couch, “You sir, have an extremely important job to do. For you see, right over there,” he pointed towards a flight of stairs, “is directly underneath our escape route. I will be in the corner of the lounge, observing everyone consumes the tainted treats when the time comes for the meeting to begin, I will signal them to follow me out. Now, you must stand right over there, partly to guard these brothers and, more importantly, to receive the signal for them to pump the gas when we’re out of range. From there, we wait until the fireworks go off, as if were.” The prince chuckled at his joke.
“Uh-huh…” Garble raised an eyebrow. “So, when this war thing gets started, we get our castles, right?”
“Huh? Oh yes, sure, whatever. Now then!” The Prince started to walk away. “You all know what to do, so have at it.”
“Now wait a minute,” Diamond Tiara interjected, “what are you going to do?”
“I’m the distraction, of course. Just go into the kitchen, serve them the poison, and I will take care of it all from there.”
Blueblood trotted up the stairs, onto a porch and through a glass door where he entered the crowded lounge area. All around the rustic decorations, the firepits, the comfy furniture was various creatures lively chatting to one another with the leaders and the delegates of the nations they represented. Here the King of the Changelings was catching up with the current Dragon Lord. There a Yak ambassador conversed with small talk with the chief of a Zebra tribe. By the bar, Celestia was laughing with a group of Buffalo, by the framed pictures the Hippogriff Queen was giving her artistic opinion to a Kiren.
The prince took his place in the corner of the room, waiting for Spoiled and Diamond to enter with the tainted snacks. It was then that Maxwell came up to him, looking over his shoulder to make sure that he wouldn’t be overheard before speaking to him softly. “Your Highness, are you absolutely sure you want to follow through on this?”
“This is my one last shot at becoming a villain,” he told his butler. “If anything, this here must be the evilest scheme ever devised. All these leaders that come together for creating peace, will soon be practically killing one another. War will be inevitable, and with the upcoming bloodbath, it will start a conflict that will last a thousand years.”
His butler replied dryly, “And you don’t see this backfiring in any way shape or form?”
“How could it be? I made this one foolproof.”
“Didn’t you say the same thing with the other plans you-”
“This is different!” Blueblood exclaimed, quickly realizing that his sudden outburst had caught the attention of several other leaders nearby. He awkwardly smiled at them until they returned to whatever they were discussing. “The rage gas will do all the work for me. All we had to do is give them the liquid to ingest and breath in the gas to spark it all. He-he, I’m going to go down as the cleverest, infamous villain in history.”
His butler sighed, “Let us see how this one blows up in your face.” Maxwell remarked before walking away.
The prince, instead of growing a brain to suspect that something might be off, brushes it off and acts casual while Spoiled and Diamond came with trays of the snacks. Of course, Blueblood never touched any of the snacks while making some small talk with a few of the leaders there.
Eventually, Celestia came up to him. “Are you excited, Blueblood?” she asked. “All these years and the effort of securing a better future is about to come true.”
“Oh, quite right, Auntie,” he replied, “I can barely believe it myself that they have come far and wide for the sake of peace.” Blueblood added with a wider grin, “I hope that nothing goes wrong.”
“Don’t you worry,” Celestia patted his head, “all the work and effort you put into negotiations have helped tremendously to get us to where we are now. Not just with getting the Yaks here, but Griffons, Dragons, Deer, and so much more to come to the table.”
“Oh, I agree,” Blueblood nodded, “traditionally creatures and nations who favored isolation and violence, now here to open up trade and peace. Such a marvelous thing, isn’t it?”
“The ultimate gift to the world.” Celestia smiled. “It looks like we’re about to start soon, let’s go take our seats.”
“Actually, auntie, I just remembered that I left some very important papers back in my chambers. You go ahead and I will be there soon enough.”
Once Celestia had turned her back and was making her way – along with the others – into the meeting room, Blueblood signaled for Spoiled, Diamond and Garble that it was time. He waved at them to follow him, and they exited out. As soon as they were outside, Blueblood leaned over to the railings where Zephyr was waiting. “It’s time!” He tells him, “Have them turn on the gas!”
Zephyr turned around to go underneath the resort, and by the time they walked to where the con-ponies and the armored Pegasus was, the machine was already turned on to pump in the jars of gas into the ventilation system.
“So what do we do now?” Diamond asked.
“Patience, all of you,” Blueblood said. “Now that all of you have done your jobs, we just need to wait for a little while until the real chaos starts.”
“For how long?” Garble questioned.
“Oh… I assume that a riot should start within the first five minutes at most. But I don’t think it should take very long. War will begin very soon. We just have to be patient.”
And so, the League of Cringe waited.
And waited.
And waited some more…
But although they listened and anticipated for any sign of commotion from above them – for a sign of violence such as fire or something penetrating the floor. Yet, much to their confusion and increasing frustration, it was strangely silent.
“Uh…” Flam looked between them and the machine. “Are you sure that the gas we’re pumping in isn’t poisonous in any way?”
“It isn’t anything deadly,” Diamond replied, “If anything, Zecora told me that the gas itself isn’t harmful.”
“What’s taking them so long?” Garble asked. “Did something happen up there?”
There was a pause.
“So…” Flim inquired, “Should one of us go up there and look or…?”
Suddenly, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Seven pairs of eyes turned to find the Butler; his head covered in lipstick marks in various shades while his tuxedo was barely holding on together. “Maxwell?” Blueblood blinked, “What happened to you?”
After breathing deep through his nostrils, he replied, “I think a better question would be what didn’t happen to me. As I was caught in the cross-fire.”
“What are you talking about?” Zephyr questioned. “If you ask me, it looks like you had already gotten yourself some tail.”
“That would mean that I wanted it,” Maxwell told him, taking a white handkerchief out of his breast coat pocket to try to clean himself with it. “If anything, I was lucky to escape with my life.”
“You mean it worked?” Blueblood asked excitedly, “They’re tearing one another into shreds like a slasher movie?”
“Look at me,” the butler deadpanned, “you would think that my appearance should give you a clue. No, not one of them is in a rage, if anything, they’re in the process of doing the complete opposite.”
There was an awkward pause, “So…” Flim raised a hoof, “when you say the complete opposite, are you implying-”
“No, I’m insisting that instead of the bloodbath you were all anticipating, they’re in the middle of some intense… uh…” he looked over to where Diamond Tiara was, and after carefully choosing his next words, he said, “Group… lovemaking. Which I’m sorry to say, Celestia is a part of it.”
While most of the league had their jaws hung wide open, Blueblood’s eye was twitching. “You… did you sabotage this?!” He pointed an accusing hoof at Maxwell who didn’t flinch. “You knew that this would backfire somehow, so did you replace the gas with something else!?”
“He didn’t,” much to everyone’s surprise, Diamond spoke up with confidence, “I did.”
“What!?” Spoiled exclaimed. “Diamond! What did you do!?”
“Growing a brain, for one.” She replied. “I told you that I’m a good guy now, mom! I didn’t want to be dragged into this and specifically told you that I didn’t want to do this. But nooo, you insisted that I should go along with this whole evil plan thing. Well, guess what? I refuse! And I didn’t ask Zecora for any rage gas, but for one that contains pure affection in its purest form, so that way, no one will have to go to war.”
Diamond found herself being lifted off the ground and being face to face with an irate Blueblood, “Are you telling me,” he said through his teeth, “that you sabotage my one shot at becoming a villain simply because you didn’t want to?”
“Well, I see it as a better reason than whatever yours is.” She replied, “Perhaps, you should probably do what I have already done.”
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”
“Grow up.” In that stunned silence she laid on, “I’m done being a bully because mom happens to be one.”
“Wow…” Garble commented, “for someone who isn’t a dragon, that burns.”
The filly was snatched out of the unicorn’s magic by her mother. “You are grounded, little missy.” She said, picking her up by the scruff of her daughter’s neck.
As they walked away, Diamond remarked, “I so cannot wait for you and dad to divorce.”
After they were gone, the twins looked at one another. “Well, this was a waste of time,” Flim said. His brother agreed, “We could have spent it better trying to take over Las Pegasus.”
“Yeah, I’m done with this,” Garble spread his wings and flew off. “Later losers!”
The Prince looked over to Zephyr who let his spear fall to the ground. “Yeah, I’m getting bummed out vibes all over. Later.” With that, he too spread his wings and fly off.
Now all alone except for the butler, Blueblood turned to him. “Maxwell, draw me a bath to drown my disappointments in.”
Several hours later inside the royal sweet of the resort, a knock was heard on Blueblood’s door. Maxwell answered it to find Celestia there, only she looked much more relaxed, if not a bit tired. The butler bowed to her. “Your Highness?”
“Is my nephew around?” She inquired. “He seemed to have disappeared altogether from the meeting, so is he here?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. The Prince has just gotten out from his bath, finally.”
“Bath?” Celestia blinked. “I thought he told me earlier that he was coming here to fetch some papers.”
“Would you like to come in, Princess? I’ll have him out soon enough.”
She thanked him before disappearing behind a door that no doubt was the bathroom. Celestia waited for a couple of minutes before her nephew walked out in a bathrobe, dejected. The alicorn tilted her head, “Bluey? What’s wrong?”
“How about – everything?” He said, flopping on the bed face first.
The Aunt goes over to him, sitting next to the bed. “What happened? The peace summit was a success – all things considering – so what has gotten you upset?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Blueblood replied. “How about my costume didn’t strike fear, stealing candy from a foal ended up making me a hero, my spine got twisted into a pretzel for making Fluttershy cry, robbing from your vault was pointless as it has nothing but candy, and now my League of Cringe has turned on me of creating a thousand years of world peace instead of a war! Why else would I be upset!?”
Celestia blinked… and blinked again.
Maxwell coughed, “Well, this escalated quickly. May I be excused?”
“Uh… yes.” Celestia told the butler, who bowed again and left the room. Now turning towards an irritated Blueblood, she asked. “I don’t understand, all of that was you? Why are you doing this for?”
The Prince looked up at her, “I found out that I’m not related to you or Auntie Luna. As it turns out, my royal bloodline is a lie.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Golden Dawn, he was adopted by you. His biological father was Sombra.”
“Oh…? Oh!” Celestia suddenly realized what he was talking about. “I knew that this would happen one day. Bluey, when did you find this out?”
“About a month ago, give or take.”
“Then how come you didn’t come to me about it?” She asked, “I could have explained-”
“What’s there to explain? My ancestor was the nightmare of the Crystal Empire. And I’m some great-great-great-great-something grandson of a tyrant. Which is evident given my behavior is so alien to yours. I know I’m not a saint, and all I’m good at is to make other ponies lives miserable. So why not become a villain? Well, turns out, I’m not good at doing that either! I can’t steal candy from a baby right. I can’t insult the most sensitive pony imaginable. I can’t rob a bank. And I can’t even start a world war! If I’m not good at that, then at what?” He finished his rant by flopping headfirst into a pillow to cry in.
His aunt put a hoof over his back, “There, there.” She said, “You didn’t have to resort to this. Yes, Golden’s father was a monster, but as I watched him grow up into a stallion, he was nothing like Sombra. And you know why? I raised him so that he would become better than the previous generation. With you, you don’t have to do all this because you already know what you’re good at – a brilliant ambassador that has to lend a hoof to bring the world closer than ever before. I mean… Queen Novo’s tongue alone was-”
“Antie!” Blueblood exclaimed, “I don’t think I need to hear that. Or whatever happened at the ‘meeting,’ as I think I got a pretty good idea what went on there.”
“Ah, right,” she cleared her throat, “what I’m trying to say is that whatever your ancestors have done in the past, they don’t dictate what you would become. And unlike Sombra, you became something else then he ever was.”
Looking up to his kind-eyed aunt, the Prince asked her. “Yes? And what is that?”
“You became a douchebag.” She said happily, patting his back, “Now let’s go get some cake.”