10.00 AM
I am just about to leave for Brunch, and I've just realised that the clock in Ponyville's town square is running incredibly fast. By my calculations, by the time I arrive there for Brunch, it will be 4 PM. Somepony needs to fix this.
Honestly, I don't know how someone could have made this mistake in the first place, but, then again, it is Ponyville.
2.06 PM
Why did it have to be at Sugar Cube Corner? Why? Why oh why oh why oh why?
Well, at least I had a good chance to take a look at the place where the Scourge lives and bakes.
The party went quite well, actually. I do sometimes like to get out of the confines of a stuffy, snooty party and mingle with the locals. It's refreshing, but only once in a long while. The pressures of the ruling class certainly take a toll on you and if nothing else, you get to make some Ponies very uncomfortable and that is always brilliant.
All of them quaking in their horseshoes, as if I were going to, colt forbid, get annoyed if they did something wrong.
Their discomfort only serves to make me more amused.
But really, I shouldn't be mean. I just can't help playing jokes sometimes, and those Mr. and Mrs. Cake ponies were really just trying so hard to make me happy that I couldn't help myself.
I wonder if they're going to find the radish that I hid in their shop.
The only one single annoying thing was Pinkamina Pie's lack of decorum. I could barely keep myself from glaring at her as she stole my precious cupcake from right underneath my mouth. I forced a smile and carried on. She was not what I was there for, anyway.
What I was there for was to let Fluttershy take my little 'pet'.
Heh heh heh heh.
Unfortunately, I had to leave, but for some reason the mayor wanted to see me. She's always asking me about this or that, and I really can't wait until the day Twilight impeaches her.
Do you know what she wanted?
She had the nerve to ask me if I knew of any way to raise the income of the town.
I just told her to hold a bake sale. HAH!
Ahem.
Philomena is a phoenix that I took from the Royal Gardens a while back and nurtured for this specific purpose. Using a variant off Twilight's Parasprite hex, I was able to craft a spell that would cause all commands of a 'mental nature' be resisted. Essentially what I hope this means is that if you were to ask Philomena to do something verbally, she would react to it as she would normally. However, if you would try to influence her behaviour by means other than that, she would try to unconsciously work against those commands.
Thusly, it would not be necessary to know exactly what the nature of Fluttershy's abilities are, as long as the spell works to counteract it.
While Phoenixes are naturally quite intelligent, feathers are not the only things that drop when they reach their rebirth cycle.
They, for some reason, reach a state of infancy both in mind and body, and this will even further help to prove the spell's point, as during this period, they are unlikely to be able to understand verbal commands, and all that is left are both instinct and Fluttershy's coercive powers.
This should be an adequate test for the spell. Now all I have to do is watch.
2.15 PM
Well, there she is. She took her time, didn't she? Being all sneaky and everything. Steal my pet, would you, dear? Well, there's harsh punishments for that you know! Mmm yes, I think I'll string you up and chain you to my dungeon wall, and then poke you with sticks until you cry. Mmm yes.
Whoops, getting a bit carried away there!
I don't know. Recently, every time I see Fluttershy, I get this irresistible urge to see what kind of harmless things make her frightened.
But let's concentrate on the task at hand.
This is not the first time I've monitored the inside of Fluttershy's house, but this is the first time I have the privilege to examine it without the addition of three rather loud and obnoxious fillies causing trouble.
It is a lot quieter.
So quiet, in fact, that I can barely hear Fluttershy through my orb. Her normal speaking voice is barely above a whisper, and it doesn't help that she usually speaks even more quietly to her animal 'patients'.
2.18 PM
Her first course of action was to put Philomena to bed and monitor her temperature. That is actually quite a sensible decision. I would otherwise make some sort of snide comment about her judgement and her stupidity, but I must be fair and recognize her actions for what they are.
Besides, I'm sure the stupid things are about to come pretty shortly.
2.20 PM
I genuinely had no idea that Phoenixes were so sensitive to their external environment while in this state, although so far it appears to be only a reaction to temperature. Perhaps some tests would be in order, the next time it happens? Maybe.
But see, this is where I start to call Fluttershy things like 'stupid' and 'bad judgement', because really, by the first time the thermometer fluctuates to such a degree, you would kind of, you know, stop.
You really shouldn't allow your thermometer to explode.
I mean, Fluttershy's supposed to be a pretty good doctor, isn't she? Judging by the fact that the whole area isn't currently extinct of all animals is a good gauge of her capabilities, but she doesn't seem to be applying herself to Philomena.
I can only imagine that this is due to the fact that she's incredibly nervous. After all, she did commit a Royal Crime, which is the worst kind of crime there is.
Oh, I expected more of you, Fluttershy. All you need to do is just not let your emotions take over your sensibilities and be level-headed in all things, and you will do well.
Right?
You stupid thing.
2.24 PM
That's more like it. Medicine.
2.26 PM
I know they call them horse pills, but still.
Do you make your other animal patients eat that, Fluttershy? It's about the same size as some of your patients.
I don't think that even I could fit something that thick and long into my mouth.
2.27 PM
That's what she said.
Hehehe.
2.29 PM
Well, here you go, proof of concept. The command was, 'eat this giant pill and try not to choke on it'. Philomena has staunchly refused to eat it. It's not like she could tell the difference, really. So the only thing preventing her from eating it is because she's disobeying that direct order.
I amaze myself, sometimes.
Even attempting to trick her by covering it with seed did not yield results. It's almost as if Philomena was consciously aware to look out for that thing which she is not to eat. Just a few more tests and I think I can call it a day.
2.41 PM
Mmm. That soup sure does look delicious. I can almost smell it.
Honestly, I'm a bit hungry. All I had to eat for brunch was half a cupcake and 20 cups of tea, which just ran through me like water down a pipe.
I think I'll call up for some carrot bisque.
Maybe a curry.
Or a selection of fried potato medallions on bread with some cream sauce.
I'm really hungry now.
2.45 PM
Well, I'm not sure if that constitutes a result, but it appears that Fluttershy's attempt at making Philomena drink the soup has caused Philomena to try to drown herself.
Well that's fine. Perhaps Philomena really does want the soup and is trying to inhale it instead.
A result is a result.
2.56 PM
Final test, and I think this should be enough to seal the deal. Fluttershy has now attempted to try to make Philomena sing, because apparently, this is a way to cure diseases. The next time I contract a horrible disease, I shall remember to sing constantly until the doctor questions my mental faculties as well.
Also, has it not struck her that Philomena has a bad cough?
Why is she making her do things that exert strain on the throat and lungs?
Either way, the test is complete. Philomena, rather than sing, which I know she enjoys, has decided to throw up into Fluttershy's face.
I think testing is sufficient, and I would like to get Philomena back in a single piece, so I think I'll need to send some guards down to pick her up.
I'll just let them know that my dear Phoenix has been misplaced and she needs retrieving. They better work for their paycheck!
3.09 PM
If one has a bad cough, one should not attempt to fill the lungs with moisture.
3.25 PM
If one has a bad cough, one should not attempt to fill the lungs with smoke.
3.40 PM
I am beginning to believe that Philomena might not survive this.
I have a new theory:
Animals under Fluttershy's care get better quickly because if not, Fluttershy will continue to inflict a myriad of strange and exotic tortures upon them.
3.47 PM
Oh finally. The guards have come to take Philo
No, ok, it was Twilight. False alarm.
3.53 PM
Watching Twilight panic so makes it all worthwhile, really.
I am enjoying this immensely.
In the end, it only shows how much she fears and respects me, and one must always command a certain level of fear and respect in one's followers.
I don't really need Twilight to fear me, though, but she knows me well enough to know what I'm capable of, and I hate to admit but her reactions are not an exaggeration by any stretch of the imagination. If it were anypony else besides Fluttershy, I would have had her flogged by now.
Not that I really care about Fluttershy, you know.
It's just that
well.
you know.
Oh, whatever!
3.55 PM
Oh yes, return my pet to me. After abusing it and taping feathers to her back. You better have one really good excuse little missy, or it's the blunt poking sticks for you!
3.56 PM
Oh, now my guards decide to turn up. Brilliant timing.
4.03 PM
Why, Fluttershy, to answer your question, yes. I would. I've banished Ponies for less. I've put Ponies in the dungeons for less.
I've... not thought about building dungeons all over Equestria for the purpose of imprisonment in a remote area, but that's something to consider.
4.06 PM
Well, alright. Twilight's now forcing the cures upon Philomena. I am worried now, because I know how forceful Twilight can get, especially as of late, and especially when driven by the fear of my wrath.
Silly girl.
At this point I just want her back. I really don't care anymore about all this nonsense. I am beginning to get annoyed, but for entirely different reasons than what Twilight expects.
You won't like me when I'm... annoyed.
4.10 PM
Alright, silly bird finally had enough and escaped. I'm going to go down to grab her while I still can.
Better compose myself; I have a story to maintain!
5.50 PM
Well, that went rather well. Of course, none of them bothered to question anything. Twilight was so happy that I wasn't blasting her friend into space with my rage-beams that she also didn't question anything.
Besides this little interruption, I'd say the experiments were more than successful.
Although, the guards did not conduct themselves in a manner befitting those who would be my heralds. I think their breaking of code necessitates a little chat.
5.51 PM
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'll just fire them.
Anyway, it was a stroke of good luck that Philomena's rebirth occurred when it did. I'm not too sure she was going to survive much longer. I've reversed the spell on her, and had her stick around. She actually makes for a pretty nice pet.
Maybe Luna could use a pet? I'm sure she'd want one. Maybe some kind of rat.