//------------------------------// // 4th April // Story: Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord // by KitsuneRisu //------------------------------// 9.00 AM Still no word from Spike. He has not been late before, and he knows how important this mission is. I am directing my annoyance towards him. I ought to send a letter to sheriff Silverstar, but knowing how he is, I wouldn't believe he could find his own reflection in a mirror let alone another Pony. Still, I should send him a letter anyway, asking him to account for the whereabouts of Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Spike, and Pinkamina Diane Pie's corpse if they should find it. 4.15 PM Well, finally, a reply from Spike. That's a fine how-do-you-do, isn't it? According to his scroll, he was savagely misplaced from the train the previous morning due to the theft of the boxcar, and ended up being kidnapped by the Buffalo. As it turns out, however, this was an accident, for all they were really after was the boxcar itself, which they use as a place to deposit corn husks. Spike also claims to have 'forgotten' to send me a scroll because of the fact that - The Buffalo aren't actually hostile, and there was no immediate danger. They are merely defending their territory because the Ponies of Appleloosa will not listen to their pleas, and they haven't listened to their pleas because they haven't actually tried talking to them yet. They force-fed him turquoise until he fell asleep. As it happens, the situation is that merely of two bodies, each of which has the combined intelligence of a small bucket of oysters. The first body, the body of Ponies, are living peaceful, blissful utopian lives in a town headed by a danderface. This sheriff Silverstar is the kind of Pony to lay about in the hot sun doing nothing because thinking was not a skill that was taught to him as a young child. The members of Appleloosa, however, know few things and unfortunately asking simple questions isn't one of them. Fear grips their hearts and hooves and they simply will not concede in the minute task of finding out what all the bother is. I highly doubt they had the wherewithal to ask the Buffalo if they perhaps wanted the land that they owned either. All of this cumulates in the perceived theft of land from the Buffalo by the Appleloosans, who had decided to plant a number of apple trees along the sacred stampeding trail of the Buffalo. This act, which happened only relatively recently, seems to make no sense because they managed to live off nothing but dust for the first ten months, so why change now? These trees are blocking the Buffalo from their yearly exercise routine. It's not that the trees are clustered that close together, but the Buffalo are unable to squeeze through it due to the fact that they all are so very, very huge. This is probably because they only take a jog once a year. The second body of idiots are, of course, the Buffalo themselves, who also suffer from this strange malady which inhibits the mind's natural common sense routines, replacing them with anger, impatience, and all-round daftness. Apparently the clan is led by a fellow named Chief Thunderbowels or something, and his wiser, younger assistant, Little Strongheart, who is also the only female in the clan, which will make her teenage life very interesting. According to Spike, the chief is one part boring and the other part boring. Essentially he talks so much long-windedness that he forgets what his original point was. Not since the Appleloosans first settled in those parts did they bother to contact them once, and suddenly just opened hostilities upon them shortly after the growth of the apple trees. Obviously, their distant stance to the ponies did not help with their image of being a bunch of unsocial xenophobes. Suddenly attacking would certainly cause anyone to be confused, and then shortly after, frightened, which will then lead to a bunch of stupid letters asking me for help. I cannot say that either party is at majority fault here, so I think I will blame them both. In any case, Spike ended up being worshipped by the Buffalo, apparently, and was far too busy enjoying the royal life to bother to contact his royal commander. Not that I'm bitter. Rainbow Dash and, surprisingly, the Scourge also managed to end up with him. Spike tells me that he was in the rear car with the tree and that they took him while he was still experiencing the precious little commodity that is sleep. Rainbow Dash, being the only one who both could fly and had any sort of fortitude, decided to give chase and challenge Little Strongheart, who headed the car-theft operation. Rainbow Dash then proceeded to fly into a metal pole, and fracture her eye socket. She is expected to heal in a few days. Pinkamina Diane Pie actually remained on board the train, but somehow managed to 'disappear' from the watchful eyes of four other ponies, get off a moving train at speed, and find her way to the camp with no maps or directions whatsoever. And this is all we will ever know because Diane refuses to elaborate. Evil Scourge powers at work, no doubt. It was later, the next day (which would be this morning), that Spike, Rainbow Dash, Diane and Little Strongheart decided to make a little visit to Appleloosa for some peace talks, as prompted by Spike (his words). Almost immediately after meeting, and finding that they're all ok, and being reunited after what must have been a harrowing and worrisome situation, Rainbow Dash and Applejack start fighting. Spike's report ends here. No doubt he too is tired of all these petty squabbles. At least there is some progress. Let's hope that Rainbow Dash and Applejack don't ruin it. 7.30 PM No, it wasn't them who ruined it. Spike reports that he and Pinkamina have had the masterful idea to put on a revue, which of course, is exactly what this terse situation requires. Although the revue, as Spike puts it, was a rousing success, bringing on hoards of cheering and whooping and commendation, the silly old Buffalo chief and sheriff Silverstar did not take too kindly to it. They have set up a showdown at high noon tomorrow. Just wonderful. Oh, you are so fired, Spike.