//------------------------------// // Chapter 18: Pranks // Story: Tales from the Second Age of Magic // by VeganSpyro97 //------------------------------// Twilight woke up with a little yawn, blinking owlishly as Spike shook her awake- again- for the third time this week. Too many late nights organizing this stupid festival and this wedding that had parked it’s big fat butt on top of it.  It was a huge headache.  The festival was going to be absolutely full of ponies, since half of Equestria had been invited, and the rest of them were probably going to turn up anyway. And that was just Equestria.  Ambassadors, Monarchs and leaders of all kinds were going to be present, invited to see the hospitality offered by Equestria and its people, not to mention the help that the little hooved cheer-bombs were willing to provide struggling nations- of which most of their allies were at the present moment.  It was an awful amount of work, making sure that they would be entertained, that Princess’s Celestia, Luna and Cadence would have time to meet them all, and have enough time to attend the wedding too.  Absolutely exhausting. So when her brain suddenly screamed at her that something was off, it was not something she was prepared for. Twilight had stepped out of her room and started walking down the corridor that would eventually lead to the stairwell, which would lead to the first floor, and then to the kitchen, and Spike, who normally made breakfast.  What had stopped her in her tracks was a subconscious realization that something was wrong. Twilight Sparkle hated it when things went wrong. She was better at coping with it now than  when she was younger, especially when her friends were there to help, but on mornings like this, that resistance to imperfections was worn away somewhat, leaving her feeling exposed, like a nerve.  And what had suddenly alerted her brain today? A painting hanging on the wall in the hallway. She remembered it well, having gotten it as a housewarming gift from Princess Cadence. It was a painting of her family, including it’s seemingly ever growing royal connections. Cadence, Shining, her mom, dad, and both Princess Celestia and Luna were present. The image was unchanged. Flurry hadn’t been born yet, and she remained absent, and nopony else was missing or altered ...so what was so off about the painting? As she stared at it,realization slowly dawned.  It was almost imperceptible, but no doubt, that was why it had been done that way.  It had been tilted by one degree. Just enough to make it seem slightly askewed, but not enough to be overly noticeable to anyone...except the Princess of Perfection herself.  Frowning, Twilight straightened the painting with a brief glow of magic, and then carried on her way with a relieved smile.  Only to realize that all the paintings in the hallway were also tilted. All by one degree. Frown deepening, her horn flashed again, and all the paintings tilted perfectly in line ...except the first painting, which was now one degree off again, because she had rushed the spell and included it too.  Growling in annoyance, Twilight adjusted the painting again, and then, after a brief inspection, nodded in satisfaction, and carried on. She reached the end of the hallway without incident, and started to go down the stairs. And then the sense came back. The feeling that something was off.  Frown firmly fixed on her face once again, Twilight cast her eyes around the stairwell in annoyance, before she located the source of her irritation.  The chandelier hanging in the center of the circular stairwell was missing a candle.  A quick summoning spell brought her a replacement, and she triumphantly set it in place- only to realize that it was not a candle anymore, only a wax cylinder, as the string that run through it had been painstakingly removed.  Making that candle vanish somewhere else so that she could deal with it later, Twilight summoned another one. And found it’s wick removed. Twilight repeated the process again, only to find that the wick was missing from this candle too.  Twilight ground her teeth audibly, and switched her summoning spells targeting location, aiming for a different closet, and summoned a candle…...and finding its wick missing.  A low growl built in the back of Twilight’s throat, and her horn flashed, teleporting every candle in the castle to her in a  huge array of wax.  Every one of them was missing it’s wick.  Twilight had to bite back the urge to scream.  Throwing all those candles into a magical pocket, commonly referred to as “null” or “hammer” space. Disposing of those later and replacing them would feel wonderful. Ignoring the imperfect chandelier, a decidedly more agitated pony princess trumped down the stairs and stalked through the halls with gritted teeth. Whoever had removed those wicks had to be a very precise magic user, because no non-Alicorn or Unicorn would be able to pull it off without the assistance of the former, and there were only two- no, three ponies capable of the feat that she knew of: Starlight, Rarity, and maybe- just maybe, Trixie.  And two of them were out of town today.  How anypony had managed to convince the dressmaker to do this was beyond Twilight, but she was going to find out after breakfast.  She stalked the rest of the way to the map room without further incident, but was still firmly in the grumpy side of the mood spectrum.  “Whoa, what happened to you?”  Twilight blinked, recognizing the voice of her student, but not quite sure he could trust what her eyes were telling her, as Starlight and Trixie had gone on a road trip not a week ago, and Starlight had sent a postcard from Fillydelphia just a day previously.  “Starlight? I thought you were in Fillydelphia?” “Yeah ...about that ...Trixie's wagon broke down, so we kinda had it brought back by train…” Starlight was sat at the table, looking quite tired, with bags under her eyes. “It was a long trip home, and the damage was pretty bad.” “Oh, that’s terrible! Is there anything I can do?” Twilight asked, immediately becoming more concerned with Trixie’s plight than her own annoying morning.  “Nah, it’s okay. We got it covered.” Starlight dismissed, waving a hoof. “We made quite a way on the tour, so the repairs should have started already, if Trixie didn’t have any problems.” “Oh, well, I’m glad neither of you got hurt when it broke. Say, have you seen Spike?”  Starlight nodded, pointing to the door that lead to the kitchens. “He’s back there. I think he was cooking up some hay bacon for you, and I know I smelled coffee back there.”  “Oh good, I’m so happy to hear that! This morning has been far too annoying already for me not to get my-” Twilight’s sentence was cut off by her walking face first into the door, despite having reached for and twisted the knob. “OW!”  Trying to tug on the doorknob again revealed that there was in fact no doorknob at all, only a flat image on a fake wall, placed in front of the real door with utmost care.  “What in the name of Princess Celestia’s flaming teats is going on today?! First with the pictures, then with the- oop!” Twilight started to yell, only to clap her hooves over her mouth as she realized what she had said. Starlight was laughing behind her, unable to keep it in as the Purple Princess wallowed in shame and embarrassment for using such an exclamation about her mentor.  “Wow, Twilight! I didn’t think you had that in you!” Starlight giggled. “Got any others?” “NO!” Twilight yelped, flapping her wings in a mild panic at the thought of using any more of those oh so common sayings she’d picked up from the guards during her days as the Princess’s student.  “Okay, calm down.” Starlight giggled again, she trotted over to the fake wall and examined it for a moment, then tore it down with a quick blast of magic. “Looks like somepony is pulling pranks again. Big deal. We’ll just find them and get them to stop.”  “Yeah, yeah.” Twilight went into her breathing exercises to calm herself down, then breathed a far more easy breath afterwards. “Right. The first ponies I can think of who could pull off these pranks are all Unicorns, or ponies who know powerful and precise spellcasters. That narrows the list down considerably.” “To pretty much any one of our friends.” Starlight quipped. “I mean, with you, me and Rarity, we have powerful and precise in three different ponies, right?” Twilight nodded. “And judging from my knowledge of Rarity, pranks aren’t really her thing.”  “Whoa whoa, are you-” “Accusing you? No. I don’t think you’d do it either. Trixie might, but if she’s still getting the wagon fixed….” “Then we have no clue who we’re dealing with.” Starlight finished.  Twilight groaned. “It’s almost like that was this pony’s intention! To drum our suspicions up and then refute them all and leave us in the dark while they laugh at us.” “Well, nothing is more engaging than a mystery where everything goes against you, right?” “Nothing is more annoying, more like.” Twilight griped. “Come on, let’s go check the list of usual pranking suspects.”  *************************************************** “Not Pinkie. Not Rainbow. Not Applejack. And Static isn’t even in town until the afternoon!” Twilight exclaimed. “I HAVE NO IDEA WHO IT COULD BE!”  “Calm down, Princess, you’ll figure it out.”  “Huuuuuuhhhh!!!” Twilight’s eyes went wide. “DIIIIISSSSSCOOOORRDD!!!!” There was a flash of light, and Discord, dressed in a cowboy hat and vest, revolver in claw and looking ready to ruin someone’s day, appeared before her. He blinked dumbly for a moment, before he broke out into a whine.  “Prinnnncesssss!!! I was about to win the Ippinbong Tourney of Survival’s Sweet Trinket of Awesomely Tricky and Impossible Coolness by engaging in an inter-personal duel!! How could you snatch this opportunity away from me!?” The Draconequus flopped over slowly, wilting like a decaying flower doused in skunk spray, until he lay splayed out on the ground with his hat having somehow migrated to sit on his butt, just above his tail. “Uhh….what?” Starlight asked. “Discord, that didn’t even make sense for you, and that’s saying a lot.”  “Ah, Starlight, still slinging with the big cheese, I see. Eaten any good books lately?” “YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BOOKS YOU SAVAGE!” Twilight belted, hugging the nearest stack of books to her chest.  “Testy, testy, Princess. It was only the one time (that she knows of.) And after all I did just now to help you find your annoying prankster! I feel insulted!” Discord hammed it up, as always, vanishing into thin air before appearing on a nearby throne, Applejacks to be precise, dressed this time in angel wings and a halo. “I was being a perfect saint, and you yelled at me!” “Wait, when did you help us with finding the prankster? All you did was tell us about that weird award you were trying to win.” Twilight frowned. “Honestly, I don’t know why I even bothered summoning you.” “Could it be because he’s so handsome?” Starlight’s mouth moved, but Starlight was glaring at Discord, since it was his voice coming out of her vocal chords.  “Hey, stop that!” Twilight snapped. “Stop what?” His voice came from her mouth now. “Urrrrgh!!!!” Starlight groaned, slapping her hoof to her face. “Sometimes I question why I’m even friends with you!”  “Plot contrivance in season six, my dear.” Discord’s knee replied.  “No breaking the fourth wall, mister Kneesy-Peesy, that’s mine and Pinkie’s job.” Twilight slapped her hoof to her face. “Did you tell us who it was, or not?” “I did, I just did it my way.” Discord grinned. “You remember how I do things, don’t you?” “Oddly?” Starlight ventured. “Bizarrely?” Twilight tried.  “Stupidly?” Spike asked, startling the three of them.  “Oh, hello Spike. We still on for guys night?” Discord asked, a giddy little grin slipping off his face and dancing the macarena with his horns.  “Oh yeah, you know it!” Spike gave the Draconequus a high five by flying up to meet his paw. “Big Mac and I have cooked up an awesome campaign this time!” “Looking forward to it, my friend!” Discord almost sang. “Now, if you won’t object, I must be going.”  “Can you at least give me a clue about your clue about the prankster?!” Twilight yelled after him. “Oh, alright.” Discord stopped his snapping fingers moments before they would have triggered his next spell. “Review our conversation in earnest, and be careful of the Canterlots.” “Wait….what?!” “Ta-ta!”  “DISCORD!!” ************************************************* “Review our conversation in earnest ...pay attention to the Canterlots…..what did he mean?” Starlight and Twilight had written down every word of their conversation with Discord, but nothing leapt out of the page at them. There seemed to be no clue at all. “Ugh, for all we know, he’s in on the joke!” Twilight groaned. “It would be just this pranksters kind of deal! Everything they did was subtle, and easy to miss at first glance! It must be staring us in the face!” “Maybe…..how….how did he know about the prankster? He brought it up first.” Starlight asked, rubbing her chin. “We didn’t tell him….” “So he’s definitely in on it, or just adding to it for a laugh. Some friend.” Twilight grouched, crossing her forelegs in a pout. “He’s just mischievous, and it’s not like it’s actually hurting anyone.” Starlight reminded her. “He’s just having a bit of fun.”  “Like always then.” “Yeah….” Starlight frowned, looking at the paper again. “Canterlots ...something about that phrase is sticking with me. It’s got to be important.” “Yeah, it’s the capital of Equestria, of course it’s important.” Starlight’s eyes narrowed suddenly. “Say that again.” “Uh, of course it would be important?” “No, no, no!!” The part before that!!” “It’s the capital of…..” Twilight’s eyes widened, and both mares gasped in unison. “Capitals!!” “Of course! He used the name in plural, which means that he was referring to a multiple of the same term, and the term he’s referring to is Capital!”  “Quick! Highlight all the capitals and put them in order!!”  “Aye aye, Princess!!” Starlight grinned, saluting her mentor.  ************************************************* “And here I thought that it would take you a lot less time to figure it out. Or did you just forget that time you dumped me in Applejack’s pond?” “You said you were out of town- AND YES!” Twilight yelled, drawing a grin from the metallic coated mare.  “Awww, come on, it wasn’t really that bad. All I did was tilt a few paintings and pull a few wicks out of some candles. Oh, and got Dash to help me whip up that fake wall. Who knew she was so good at arts and crafts?”  “Pinkie.” Starlight answered. “It was rhetorical, doofus.” Twilight ground her teeth together at Static’s relaxed response to her accusations. “Oh, it is on, Static Thunder. Mark my words. It is on!”  ************************************************ Static frowned, trotting down the stairs of the cottage’s second floor. Twilight had been silent for over a day now, and if Static knew her friend, the Princess had already concocted some kind of revenge prank and was waiting to set it off.  And since Twilight had learned about the heightened state of awareness some referred to as Zanshin, just like Static had, she would know ways to counteract the Pegasus’s ability to sense oncoming danger.  So she was just an ordinary pony verses an Alicorn with an axe to grind.  Static was starting to regret starting this prank war.  Static made her way to the kitchen, and, after checking for any tampering with the water faucets, poured some water into a kettle for her usual morning tea. Shy was still in bed, curled up and comfy in their blankets.  The water reached peak height, and Static smiled, grabbing a mug from the nearby cupboard and placing a tea bag in it- after checking for tampering, of course.  A short while later, and a bit of milk and sugar- also checked- the tea was ready, brewed to perfection.  Taking the time to let it cool to a pleasant level of warmth, Static took a sip, mmmming in delight at the smooth flavour. “Now that’s a good cup of…..” Static blinked. She had to be seeing things! Her mane was not that long, and it definitely was not made of water!!  “What the hay!?!” Static yelled, dashing to a mirror.  Standing in the reflection was a statue, an actual statue, who’s mane and tail were made out of a water feature instead of hair. Her coat was flat, and she appeared to somehow be hollow, something a few taps with a hoof proved.  Static returned to the sink, and brought the teapot to her nose, and taking a deep breath.  “She coated the inside with distilled Poison Joke.” Static slammed a hoof onto her forehead, making an echoing, gong-like sound. “You sneaky little bitch.” When she was freshly bathed in Poison Joke cure, Static stalked her way through to the castle library, and enacted her revenge.  *********************************************** Twilight trotted happily over to the bookshelf she was currently occupied with reshelving. Some new books had come in, and because of that, everything needed to be rearranged in order to fit them in. She pulled several books off the shelf at a time, idly shuffling them and ordering them again out of habit, before slotting them back into place.  But then the dreaded feeling struck. The dreaded off-ness. “Oh come on!!” Twilight yelled, before yanking the books off the shelf again and started to flip through them in rapid succession.  All the paperbacks were exactly where they needed to be, and hadn’t been altered, so they were fine. The hardbacks…..were not. Their paper covers had been switched seemingly at random, and as such, were in such a jumbled mess that she spent the next half hour combing through the entire bookshelf to find all the switched covers and put them back on the right books.  Finally, Twilight put the last book back on the shelf with a satisfied smile. “There, now they’re all back where they should be.” She whipped up a quick analysis spell to check all the other bookshelves in the library for similar tampering, but found none. “Good. Now, what should I do to get back at Static?” ************************************************** “I think it’s time we called a truce.”  Three days of pranking had passed, and finally, both Static and Twilight, their eyes red from lack of sleep due to setting up pranks and planning retaliations, came together in a moment of peace.  Static’s mane was still bright pink from Twilight’s last prank, and Twilight still had glasses drawn on her face in permanent marker, coupled with a fancy mustache, monocle and several kiss marks drawn on her butt. There were strands of silly string in some of the library bookshelves, and Static’s guitar was still running away from her whenever she tried to play it, playing a jaunty tune and singing a number of rude words at her when she had chased it. “Put everything back the way it was?” Twilight asked.  “Yep. Gonna undo your spells?” “Sure.” Twilight paused. “Cleaned up all the silly string?” “......I’ll get on it.”  ****************************************************