A field of flowers and a grove of trees, that was all there was for miles around. Above her, a starlit sky with no constellation she could recognize. The flat expanse of the field was never-ending, with no hills or horizon. It didn't take a genius to realize she was in a dream. With only one destination available, she walked to the grove.
She walked among the trees, oaks all, and entered into the clearing within. A night pony laden with gold and silver jewelry sat waiting for her. Though she appeared young, Wild knew that wasn't so. There was a certain symbolic feeling to this. She had almost been the alicorn of life, and here sat her opposite.
"Sha'am, what are you doing in my dream?" She asked as she walked forward.
The Warden of Death sauntered towards her. "Tying up some loose ends before I go for good. My time of punishment is upon me, and there is only so much business I can finish before it comes."
Wild raised an eyebrow at the most hated of the Dreamwardens. "And what loose ends do you have with me?"
The Warden of Death sat silent for a moment. "Why? Why did you push yourself so hard when I warned you that you'd burn yourself out."
"Because people were in danger," Wild said flatly.
Sha'am gave her a condescending look. "People are always in danger. The world is a monster waiting for the moment to swallow us up. Our relationship with nature is it wants to kill us. This is inevitable; even with all your efforts, people still died. I am the bringer of their last rites… or at least I have been for these past six years. I am more familiar with death than anyone."
"Then, why do you even care?" Wild demanded as she gritted her teeth.
The night pony stared at her. "Because you had power. You were not at the mercy of the world. I was always at the mercy of the world, and it chewed me up and spat me out. I watch dreams, and I see this time and time again everywhere. Why risk what separates you from everyone else? Why risk misery?"
Wild looked at the night pony in confusion. "With all your knowledge and all you can see, you aren't familiar with someone laying down all they have for others?"
"I see it, but they don't have all that you had," Sha'am said through a snarl. "You burnt yourself out, you fool! I told you not to do it! You didn't listen to me!"
"I heard you," Wild said flatly. "It was you who even alerted me to what was going to happen. I thought you wanted me to try to do what I could to save people."
"Not at the cost of yourself!" Sha'am snapped. "You didn't have to push that hard. You could have done enough without pushing that hard. Sure, more may have died, but how many more do you think are going to suffer now without your power there to help them anymore? I told you to stop! I told you that you had done enough!"
"And I told you to shut up and watch because I was going to make sure no one else died," Wild growled.
"And how well did that work out for you? There's a death specifically on your head," Sha'am replied with an icy glare.
Rage welled up in her at the implication, and her muscles tensed in preparation to just charge the Dreamwarden and see how well the ancient night pony held up to having her head separated from her body. The rational part of her brain just barely held on, though, just barely. Assaulting a Dreamwarden in the dream realm was pointless. They couldn't be hurt that way.
Another thing struck her about what the Dreamwarden had repeatedly said, though it had taken time to register. "Do you mean it? I burned myself out?"
Sha'am settled back and seemed to lose some of the hostility. "Yes, I do. There's a price to be paid for pushing beyond your limits. Your magic is still there, but it is locked inside you forever. The flows that let you channel magic into the earth are beyond the hope of mending. No pony, but an alicorn, could safely channel that much magic into spellwork. You couldn't grow a piece of grass now, and you never shall again, nor shall you be able to feel anything within the earth again. You have your strength, your durability, your healing, perhaps longevity, but all the rest...you have no more power than you did as a human. Now you're just a muscle-bound brute. Damn fool of a pony."
She shook her head. She didn't want it to be true. Growing things, it was such a central part of her. This negated everything that her cutie mark stood for, negated so much of what she was. She could stand it if her power had just been weakened, even if it had been weakened down to an average pony, but to be completely cut off? What was an earth pony who had no connection to the earth?
As she started to cry, the night pony walked up to her and stared her in the eyes. "Sinking in now, how much you threw away? Was it worth it, earthshaper? Was it worth it to let yourself fall to less than your fellow earth ponies? What crops for the hungry will you grow now? Who will regrow the forests that have been consumed in flame? Not you, that's for certain. You will be sitting to the sides knowing that once you mattered, and now you don't."
Wild wiped her eyes and gave a sullen glare back at her tormentor. "Is that how you feel you matter? Making sure everyone else feels powerless? Is that why you once tortured ponies? Phobia banned you from doing physical torture, but you still can't resist finding ways of hurting others. You're pathetic, Sha'am."
"Being at the mercy of the world is pathetic," Sha'am countered with a sniff. "I spent well over a hundred years at its mercy before I finally tasted power. You have no idea what suffering is, to have everything you ever loved taken away time and time again. To have nothing you ever did make a difference. To know that if you died, no one would care, and you would die alone and unloved." Then something happened that Wild never thought she'd see. The Warden of Death started to cry. "All this while trying to be good, trying to be righteous, trying to be worthy of some kindness, and never getting anything but pain! There is no justice, there is only having the power not to be crushed under someone's heel, and you gave it up. Why?"
"You have no real body, so you can't cry unless you're choosing too," Wild said darkly. "Stop trying to get me to pity you. Because I'm not buying it."
"My form is still a reflection of me and how I feel," Sha'am replied mournfully. "This body is as real as anything else. You spend most of your life in the waking realm, so you believe it to be the true reality. My realm is no less true in its reality."
"If you feel that way, that just makes your past tortures all the more despicable," Wild growled. "But as for your woe-is-me story, your life couldn't have been all bad. Everyone has to deal with pain." She was still enraged at the Dreamwarden, but was trying to calm herself.
The night pony glared at her. "You're the despicable one. You killed your child."
Wild didn't even think; she just swung and hit nothing. The Warden of Death was just out of range of that swing.
"You know, out of all things, killing a child is the injustice I hate most. Children are the one thing I hold most sacred. The one thing you didn't protect," Sha'am continued, her calm belying her anger.
Wild charged forward and struck again, and again came up empty, with Sha'am just out of range.
"Out of all that suffer, there are two groups alone I have mercy for; the young, and the dying." A doll appeared, cradled lovingly in the night pony's wings. It was old and worn and covered in dirt. "I once thought I would have some happiness. My precious little baby, taken far too soon. You are a monster for killing yours."
Again she charged, again she came up just out of range of the Warden of Death.
"You want me to think you some paragon of virtue, and I some morally defunct villain, but your actions cost the life of your foal," Sha'am continued, as she gazed into the doll's black-button eyes. "I never married...no one wanted me for a bride. I had nothing. I was a slave in all but name to those filthy British colonialists. I traded my body to them for food and shelter. Her father wouldn't even acknowledge her, called her a savage mongrel."
Wild didn't charge again. There was no point other than to play into Sha’am’s attempt to torture her. She just stared and listened.
Sha'am kept staring down at the doll and stroked its head. "When the famine started, I gave her all my food, and ate but boiled leaves and grass for myself. The British, they didn't go hungry. I tried trading my body once again. They used me, but they gave me nothing. They laughed at my requests. My poor little girl died starving in my arms."
"I'm sorry that happened to you," Wild said in a low voice, trying to reign in her temper. Hearing this, she did feel some pity.
Sha'am didn't acknowledge that she heard anything, and gripped the doll close to her. "While I slept that night, they took her body, tossed it in a mass grave, like garbage. I didn't even get to give her proper cremation. All I was left was her doll and her empty bowl, and those became my symbols for life and death. Again a child grew within me. I lost that one to disease when they were young. They were always sickly, and I traded my body many times to try to get medicine for them. It earned me nothing. I could have stolen it, but was afraid of the wrath of the Gods for doing such an action. I had suffered so much, why invite more wrath?"
Wild was even sure what Sha'am's religion was. Probably some sort of Hindu belief, but she didn't know anything about the faith, so she didn't feel qualified to say anything. It still seemed an inconsistent moral code to her all the same.
"A new child grew in me, and I stopped trading my body. It was clear my body held no value," Sha'am said in a bitter voice. "Through it all, I worked hard, did whatever task I could. We barely got by. When he grew into a man, he married, and I thought at long last there might be some stability. Then the partition happened, and he died in the violence. He had a child with his wife, but her family took her and the child back to them and abandoned me. I was filthy, untouchable. I worked hard, I was honest, I did no unrighteous thing, but there was no reward."
"Again, I'm sor-"
Sha'am didn't stop speaking, "I tried going to the swamis, the gurus, the divine men. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why there was no justice. They gave me answers full of fluff. They told me that I was too focused on the troubles of this world. I tried a few times to accept their teachings; they gave me no peace. Their disciples mocked me for being a filthy woman covered in dirt. I came to a realization. This was a reflection of the divine, and the divine was hateful. I lost my faith in any divine justice."
"And you've been hateful ever since?"
"Oh, I tried to live a righteous life after that," the night pony laughed. "If there was no righteousness in the spiritual realm, then I would try to make righteousness in the material. I returned home. By some small chance, the house that I had endured the British in for so many years lay abandoned and decrepit, not fit for human habitation. I claimed it for my own. I spent decades repairing that house. Then my grandson came and tried to take it away from me, and his son after. My own blood betrayed me in my elder years. As I lay dying of flu in my bed, they sat celebrating it in the room outside my bedchamber."
"That was ETS, though, right?" Wild asked, realizing where the story had come.
"Yes," Death said with a smile. "They then tried to beat their child, and my righteous anger as a night pony flared, though I had not transformed yet. The spell had given me the strength I hadn't had in years, and I used that strength and rage to drive those parasites from my house." She looked up. "Then, the vision came, and it gave a picture of a perfect world. I rejected it. I rejected it with all my being, because I knew it was a lie. I hated the vision. Then soon after, Luna found me, curious about why I had rejected the vision. She then offered me power and purpose, and I grasped onto the one gift anyone had ever freely given me, the one chance at power and purpose I had ever had."
Wild stared at the night pony. "And you want to know why I sacrificed everything I have to spare a few lives? How could I risk my power?"
Sha'am stepped forward towards her. "Yes, I do."
Wild sat and considered the wretched Dreamwarden. "I think you're the one who's a fool if you don't know the answer to that after what you told me about your life."
"I was at the mercy of everyone because I was powerless," Sha'am hissed.
Wild stepped forward and locked eyes with the unworthy Dreamwarden. "And tell me, how would your life have gone if those in power had been kinder? If they had done the right thing? I had the power, and I had a choice. I could step back and let people die, or I could step up and spare them heartache. The powerful have a duty to the powerless, and it is a disgrace and tragedy that so many people in your life didn't understand that, but it is a greater tragedy that, after all that, you became the same. You are no better than the British who used you and threw you away. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing I did even if I saved only one more person than if I held back. That is possibly one less mother wondering why their child was taken from them, one less child who is left without a parent, one less injustice."
"And what is one less injustice in a world of injustice? What will you do now that you aren't the one with the power?" Sha'am asked.
Wild looked at the doll in Sha'am's wings. "Maybe you should ask your daughter if it would have mattered if she was fed." She locked eyes with Sha'am again. "Get out of my dream, Sha'am Maut, and never return."
The night pony sneered, then vanished without a word. With her departure, the dream faded, and there was a return to pain.
"Oww…" She whispered as she woke.
"Welcome back to the waking world, it's amazing that you're still alive," Phobia said aloud from somewhere nearby.
"Don't move too much, sweet pea," her papa said from near Phobia. "We thought we were going to lose you. Your mother is beside herself, thinking that she killed you."
Her eyes popped open, and she winced as the lights stabbed at her eyes. "Mama? You have her?"
"She's in police custody," her papa replied, though she couldn't focus her eyes well enough to see him. "She seems to be thinking clearly again. Twilight Sparkle and several other mages are looking her over, trying to figure out how to fix her."
She started to sigh with relief, but that brought on a fit of coughing, which in turn racked her body with pain. She didn't think she had ever hurt this much.
"Take it easy. The doctors say you'll recover if you keep healing at the pace you are, but you need to rest," her papa chided. "Anyone else would be dead, they said, or if not dead a vegetable instead. They said that you might be up and on your hooves in a few days, unbelievable as that sounds. Thank God for your magic making you so durable and resilient."
"Is it true...that I burnt my magic out?" She asked in a whisper. "How am I still healing?"
"You burnt out the flows that let you channel it outside your body and into the ground. The magic is still inside you, though, still healing you," Phobia explained. "It won't be able to heal those flows, though. It can only heal physical wounds. You have your magically powered strength, durability, and healing, but everything else is gone forever. Your brothers used to joke you were The Hulk mixed with Poison Ivy from comic books; you're more just The Hulk now."
Her eyes watered as she feebly tried to reach out with her powers. There was nothing, no sensation of anything beyond herself. It was like pushing against an impenetrable wall, and it reminded her of her first days as a pony where she had tried to grow things with no success, before her rage and frustration had unleashed her powers violently into the soil. She would have rather lost her strength and durability than her powers to interact with the earth. Of course, if it had been the other way around, she'd be dead right now.
"At...l-least I did it," she said weakly. "I protected everyone."
"Catherine…" her papa said, and she could hear taking a deep breath. "Your mother's resonance is badly damaged. They have to maintain the temporary transformation, or she'll die. They think they made it so her mind is stabilized, but…she might be dependant on absorbing magic for the rest of her life to live."
Wild blinked away more tears. "At-at least she's alive. Everyone's alive."
"Not everyone…" her papa replied, and she could hear him crying.
She squeezed her eyes shut. "Who? How many?" She dreaded hearing it, but she had to.
"This isn't a good time-" Phobia began.
"Who and how many?!" She shouted through the pain.
"Tonya, for sure," her papa answered. "She was at ground zero of that explosion. It would have turned her to dust. There were members of the military there too, and they're still getting numbers for them. There was a lot of the city that was destroyed, and they are still searching the rubble. Jessie and Bill…they're alive, for now...but…"
She cried harder. Tonya, Jessie, Bill, who knew how many others? She wasn't exactly friends with Tonya, but she didn't want the mare dead. Bill was only in the situation he was in because she had pushed for creating this magic. Jessie was just a foal who had her whole life ahead of her, who had looked up to her. She could add another to that list too. "My foal…"
"I'm sorry, Wild," Phobia said in a low voice, confirming what she already knew.
There was a sound of a door opening. "Phobia… I need your help. We've done all we can to heal her, but we may have only one option left. I need help only a Dreamwarden can provide to talk to her," an unfamiliar voice said.
"I understand," Phobia replied, and then could be heard hastily departing.
"Rosetta?" Wild asked, remembering her sister.
"Your sister and her foals are fine," her papa assured her hastily. "She is sleeping off an extreme drain of magic, but they said she'll recover fully with rest. Amanda and Tom are helping watch the foals. Sunset Blessing is in federal custody, so she obviously can't watch them. Crystal Dreams is unavailable to right now too. She's also getting medical care. She has a concussion."
She blinked away more tears at that small piece of good news. Right now, she felt so powerless and small, right after having stretched her powers beyond their limits. She had said no one else was going to die, but she had failed, and that hurt far more than the loss of her powers. She rolled over and wept; wept for Tonya, those who may yet be found dead, for Bill… for Jessie… and for her unborn foal who she would never get to even meet. If she could trade herself for all of them, she would, but the world was not a fair place, and it had decided to keep a broken earth pony over all those lives that could have had so much promise.
Sha'am Maut was right about one thing. There was no natural order of justice. The natural order was cruel and callous. Wild vowed to herself; she would continue to fight that natural order, though. She might not have her powers anymore, but she would never surrender to just allowing tragedies like this to happen. Even if she didn't always succeed, it was the duty of everyone to rise up against the universe's cruelty and shout defiance. That was what it was to be a thinking sentient being, to be able to fight the natural order, and she'd fight till there was no breath left in her.
Her earth pony powers might be gone, but while she had life, she was not powerless. She'd find new ways of making a difference and helping others make a difference. She would not allow things like this just to happen. This she swore to herself, and to Tonya, to Bill, to Jessie, to everyone else, and her lost foal. This tragedy had not broken her resolve; it had been hardened. She would make a difference.
Jessie groaned as she woke up. Her whole body hurt, really hurt. She opened her eyes and winced at the lights above her. There was a cumbersome blanket holding her down that was rough and smelled funny; the bed wasn't very comfortable either. It wasn't her bed. How had she gotten here? She couldn't remember.
"Don't move around too much. You're lucky to be alive. A lot of people today aren't so lucky."
She turned her head, and her gaze fell on Phobia Remedy. Phobia Remedy wasn't looking very pretty like usual, her mane was a mess, her face had no trace of makeup, and she wore nothing at all. The night pony sat in a chair next to Jessie's bed, and her eyes were red like she'd been crying. The Dreamwarden was usually so calm and a pillar of strength for those around her, but at the moment, the Dreamwarden looked vulnerable and hurt.
Before Jessie could ask what was wrong, the Dreamwarden continued. "So many think that the scariest thing is the unknown. Do you know what's more terrifying than the unknown?"
Jessie wanted to shake her head or respond, but she felt too weak. Instead, she waited for the Dreamwarden to give the answer.
A tear ran down the Dreamwarden's face as she continued. "The scariest thing is knowing, knowing, and being completely helpless to do anything about it."
The night pony turned to her. "You saved my foals, and my sisters, so you have my gratitude. I knew how dangerous Rosetta's mother was. Not just her, I knew about Poly Glot, I suspected how dangerous the protests were going to get...but I'm a Dreamwarden, and that means that I have to keep secrets safe...even secrets that would save so many lives if I told. I have no choice; it is part of my being, and part of my eternal nightmare."
The sound of hooves clicking against the floor, and the door opening followed. "I have brought her, and will be standing by, just in case I'm needed. I hope that I'm not," a new voice said as it entered the room. "Little one, I have a candy I made just for you. It will make you feel better."
The hooves approached, and a leathery wing came into her vision, holding what looked like a peppermint candy. "Let me put this in your mouth," the voice instructed. "I promise you will feel better if you do. My treats banish pain and hurt."
Jessie cracked her mouth open as much as she could, even that hurt. The wing immediately put the candy in her muzzle and pushed her mouth shut. It was a peppermint, but it was unlike any peppermint she ever tasted. It was the best thing she'd ever had. Whoever this other night pony was, she was a good cook. As the candy started to melt in her mouth, the pain and hurt started to subside. It didn't go away completely, but she felt she could move around now.
She slowly picked her head up and was able to see who else was in the room. Another night pony, with her head and shoulders covered in jewelry--with one chain even extending to a ring on a nostril, looked kindly at her. "See? Doesn't that feel better? I have brought you a guest. She has a crucial thing to talk to you about. I hope you listen to her, because I don't want you to have any more need of me. Foals so young requiring me breaks my heart. If anyone should be spared the cruelty of the world, it should be children and foals."
Jessie looked past the strange night pony towards the door, and her eyes went wide. It was Twilight Sparkle! The Twilight Sparkle, come to see her!
Phobia Remedy left her seat and looked at Jessie. "My sister and I will leave the two of you to talk in peace. We will be close by, watching. If you have any need for us, just call out."
Phobia Remedy had sisters other than Jackie and Jordan? She never heard of any other sisters mentioned, or read about any. Who was this other night pony? Before she could think about it too long, Twilight Sparkle approached, and she noticed that the two night ponies had left without her notice; they were speedy.
"Jessica Middleton?" Twilight Sparkle asked as she stepped forward.
"It's just Jessie, my friends call me Jessie," Jessie responded.
The alicorn smiled. "And you can call me just Twilight. I'm glad you're greeting me as a friend, and I hope we can be good friends. Your friends told me about what you did. You're the best friend that they could ask for."
Jessie looked around her, trying to ignore the hurt that was still numbly there. "How did I get here? What happened?"
Twilight frowned. "You had a big fall. You're lucky to be alive at all. My best guess is you hit a lot of branches on your way down, and that lessened the final impact."
Memory came flooding back to her. "Jordan, the others, are they-"
"They're fine," Twilight assured her. "Rescue teams managed to get them out of that tree. It took a long time for poor little Jordan to calm down after we got her down. Not only was she scared about hanging for her life in a tree, she saw you plummet to what she was sure was your death while trying to save her. You're that little filly's hero."
Jessie remembered more. "The other pony, the one that was chasing us. Did he-"
"He's...a complicated situation," Twilight said with a grimace. "He's alive too. We're trying to do what we can for him and Jean Martinez. He was hurt pretty badly, and they both have other complications. They're in their right minds again, though. He says he's very sorry, for everything."
"Everyone is okay?" Jessie asked, as her ears perked up.
"That's...a bigger issue," Twilight said slowly. "Your friends are all safe and sound. Everyone who was at that school is still alive. We are lucky about that, too. Some of the floors collapsed, and the ponies inside were not in a position to get to safety, they were all unconscious." Twilight looked at her with a sad expression. "However, I'm here to talk about you. Out of everyone who was there, you're the one still in danger."
Jessie's ears fell back down. "What do you mean? I don't feel good, but since I just fell really far, that makes sense."
Twilight flapped her wings and landed on the side of the bed. She then touched a hoof to Jessie's and spoke softly with her head lowered. "Having to tell a foal this is… painful to do… Jessie… you're dying. Your injuries are too severe, and it is beyond what doctors can fix with medicine or magic."
Jessie shook her head in disbelief. "Th-that can't be true. I'm fine. I just hurt a lot. I can't be dying."
Twilight started to well up with tears. "It's true. I wouldn't scare you by saying so if it wasn't. Phobia and her friends are helping you as best they can right now, but they can't stop what's happening. That's why I'm here. There is one final option to save you, but it has to have your consent. I can't do it without getting that from you, no matter how much I might want to. This has to be your choice."
"I… I don't want to die," Jessie sobbed.
"No one wants you to. Let me explain to you what the option is," Twilight said as she took a deep breath. "I want to attempt to rehumanize you. I have never attempted a rehumanization spell on a pony that has no memory of ever being human, or a transformed that has spent basically their whole life as a pony. I guess that makes it more a humanization spell than rehumanization. I can't say for sure how it will go. This would be a first in many cases. I only think I can do it because we've learned a lot in the last six years, and your aunt's spell gave me some additional insights into this type of magic. I need to be honest, even with all that, I can't be sure it will work."
"The spell that made Ms. Jean crazy?" Jessie said in terror.
Twilight shook her head rapidly. "No, I did borrow some things from your aunt's spell, but she had already resolved that part before I even came here. This would be different… it's permanent. You have a right to know; this is making a human form for you with far less template than anyone's ever done. As a result, I don't know for sure if there will be side effects, or how severe those will be if there are side effects. That's if this even works at all."
Jessie just sat. She thought she was going to hyperventilate. The spell that had hurt Ms. Amanda and Mr. Tom, that had made Ms. Jean and that other person crazy, the one they say changed who you were so much it was like you were a different person; they were talking about using that on her. Only this time, it would have no going back from it.
Twilight touched a wing to her. "I understand why you're scared. Given everything you've heard and seen, I would be shocked if you weren't. I know more about magic than anyone, and even I don't know what the outcome will be. I promise that I'll do everything in my power to make sure you don't get hurt by this."
Jessie's lip trembled as she looked at the alicorn. "And no matter what, I..I'm going to die if I don't do this?"
Twilight looked down. "There's a chance you might pull through, a slim one. If you do, you may end up crippled and in pain for the rest of your life. You have the option of taking that risk. If you do, then we'll do everything we can for you."
Jessie stared down. What kind of choice was that? This wasn't fair.
They sat in silence for a moment before Twilight broke it. "I have listened to people while I have been here. While your aunt had...questionable reasons for wanting to do this type of magic, Wild Growth dreamed of being able to help those who were hurting or sick. I think what she wanted is a wonderful thing. Things might not have gone right so far, but what she wanted to accomplish is still a great thing to want. Right now, you're the one who can help realize that dream, but if you don't want to, no one is going to make you."
She tried to calm herself down and think about it. That was harder than it seemed. The room seemed to blur and refocus as she did. Twilight looked around with a worried expression. The alicorn must be afraid that she wouldn't be able to think straight with everything being said. The fact she didn't want to disappoint one of her idols helped her focus a little more.
"If I don't do this, and I live, what kind of stuff will happen?" Jessie asked slowly. "You said that you don't know for sure what happens if you try the spell. What will happen in the other case?"
Twilight gave her an astonished look for a second then smiled. "They told me how smart you are. That's part of why the decision was made that you could give informed consent at your age. The fact that you are weighing your options tells me that we were right in thinking that. This isn't something you can feel forced into doing." Twilight's smile slipped. "If you pull through, we have the option of adding prosthetics to you in many areas. This ranges from limbs to organs. Equestria was fairly advanced in prosthetic technology, and Earth is advanced in other areas of it. Our two worlds' doctors have been talking together and are making better ones than ever before because of that. They would need to be changed out and refitted as you grow older, but they should make you functional. We might even try adding some things to make life even easier. I'm not sure if you'll be pain-free, though."
That was interesting, and having metal or plastic body parts might not be too bad. She'd seen science fiction shows where people had things that she'd have to strap on for built into them. That might be fun to have, but not if she was in pain all the time. "What about my parents? What do they say?"
Twilight hung her head. "At the moment, all they know is that we are doing everything we can for you. This is your decision, not theirs, even though they'd normally get a say. I'm trying to avoid pressuring you, and don't want your parents pressuring you one way or another. This doesn't work at all if you don't make a willing choice. If you decide to do it, we'll tell them then, and will do it even if they object. If you decide not to do it, then there is no reason they need ever to find out it was an option, just in case they try to pressure you to go through with it. Also, you have to understand, if you don't pull through, and they find out that there was an option that could have saved you...we can't do that to them."
That was something she hadn't considered; how this would all impact her family, and her friends. She feared death, but she wasn't at the mercy of that fear. If she had been, she couldn't have saved Jordan, but her family fearing her death was a whole other issue. Thinking about how this would impact them, the math said there was only one right answer. It was better to be sure she lived. It would hurt them far more to see her die than to have to relearn how to deal with a different version of her. Wild Growth was willing to deal with a different version of her mom, so her mom wouldn't suffer, and even Ms. Amanda had said that it was worth it in some cases. She'd miss the chance to learn to use her earth pony magic, maybe...she couldn't be sure how it would impact how she thought, or if it wouldn't do other unpredictable things that would have her worse off than if she had to deal with prosthetics, but Twilight wouldn't be suggesting this if she didn't think it gave her a better chance at living. She didn't want to die, and she didn't want to have her family hurt because she died.
"I'll do the spell," she said at last.
The dream realm was a vast expanse, and though it was filled with hundreds of millions of minds, it was a lonely place when the concept of never being able to leave it stretched out to her. This was where she would spend eternity. There was no regret about what had led her to this, but the full ramifications of it were painful to contemplate.
Sunset was awake...or dead. It was a frightening thing not to be able to tell which. When a being was awake, she was blind to them, and until she got word from some sleeping mind that knew or that being went to sleep, there would always be that fear she'd never see them again. Phobia moved between consciousness and sleep regularly right now, and Phobia would tell her if Sunset was dead; at least she hoped Phobia would.
Being an undead Dreamwarden sucked so much. The others didn't want her visiting any dreams, aside from Sunset's, until they worked out an explanation on why she was added to their ranks. That left her sitting here formless with nothing to do but watch dreams; that or contemplate the vast amount of memories she now possessed and the horrors within. At some point soon, she would, but for now, she'd try to keep such things from her mind.
"I'm sorry this was thrust upon you so suddenly. You know we had little choice. It was audacious of you to accept.." Sha’am stated out of the emptiness.
Tonya directed her awareness at her fellow undead, though there was no real direction. They were both everywhere yet nowhere. "It's ironic. I always hated the idea you were always watching as I dreamwalked. Now I'm stuck with you as my company for eternity, you and Ghadab."
"You're mistaken, little sister. You won't be spending eternity with me. You're my replacement."
If Tonya had eyes, they'd be wide right now. She briefly contemplated making an avatar just to go wide-eyed. "What? But you're like me, immortal. You can't go away."
"Poor filly, you're wrong. I intend to bind myself in an eternal dream, never to interact again with the world. The world doesn't need seven Dreamwardens, and of all of us, I'm the one who should go."
"Why? Why so soon? I don't want to be left alone here. Even having you is something."
"The others will join you in time, and Ghadab is here, so don't worry yourself about that. As for why me...I was a tool made to fight a problem that never was. I thought for a long time that the need for me would come, that you'd all see I was right, but it has become clear that I'm a creature unsuited for the type of world that currently exists. Luna thought she needed at least one pony who would do the hard things required of a harsh world. A pony suited for a situation like the war the night ponies and the Equestrians fought over a thousand years ago. That world never came about, and I'm too unbending to change. I need to go and leave it to you others. The six of you are better suited for this right now, even Ghadab."
It shouldn't bother her that Sha'am was going to do this. Sha'am was a horrible pony that admitted on her own shouldn't have been Dreamwarden. Yet despite that, the idea of losing some constant in the vast stretch of what was to come was heartbreaking. Could you mourn losing a monster? It was selfishness that motivated her to feel this way, but she still wanted to cry all the same.
"How long till you do it?" She asked in concern.
“Being that I am no longer needed, I shall be gone in just a short time,” Sha’am answered. “Why are you so worried? You would know all you need to know to do your duties if you but chose to pull the information from your memory.”
"I'm not ready to do that. I'm still in shock from the binding. I don't want to dive back into those memories yet."
"Do or don’t, in time, it will all come naturally, whether you chose to learn or not actively. You're a Dreamwarden, you cannot avoid your nature,” Sha’am said callously before her tone softened. “But you have time, and this is but your first day of many."
"Don't remind me."
"I don't need to. Have you put thought into your title yet?"
"Didn't we just say this was my first day? I haven't had time to do that. I still haven't fully adjusted to the idea I'm dead."
"I knew I was Death before becoming Dreamwarden."
"You had time to consider it. As you said, this just got dumped on me out of necessity all in one day, in a little over one hour. Forgive me if I don't have it all thought out."
"You will do fine. Don't fret. You may have been chosen out of necessity, but you were on the list of candidates they had for my heir before now, even though you hadn't been at the top of the list."
Shock rippled through her being, though there was no physical way of showing it. "Me? I was put on trial for mind control and attempted murder. Why would you ever consider me for the job?"
A sensation almost like a chuckle came from Sha'am. "I had no bearing in the choice. If you wish to know, then ask them."
"And we will answer," Ghadab's voice joined in. "You possess anger, but not for yourself. Your anger is directed at the harm done to others. Even when you committed your crime, your anger was righteous, even if your methods were not."
"And you learned how your passions could lead you to folly as a result," Yinyu chimed in. "We all have strong feelings that can overwhelm us and do things we might regret later. You learned this the hard way, but you did learn this."
"And what do you fear?" Phobia asked. "You fear others being hurt more than anything. You had to struggle to even stand up for your needs because you were so concerned with the needs of others. You are selfless."
"And do you not always strive for peace?" Psychic continued. "We have a hard task moving on from the mistakes we made following Sha'am, and the distrust for us that was sewn when we failed to stand up to her early on. We need a Dreamwarden that will strive for reconciliation and understanding with the world. A clean break from Sha'am. You are such a person."
"You keep secrets safe," was the lone remark from Krik, a massive monologue by his standards.
The sensation of chuckling came again from Sha'am. "You meet their standards. But since we are all here, it is time for me to say goodbye. I had hoped to hear your title before I went, but there is no need. I now cease to matter."
"Will you not wait for Luna to arrive?" Phobia asked. "She has her regrets about you, but she will mourn your passing as much as us."
"There is no need," Sha'am replied. Tonya was unsure if the Warden of Death meant there was no need to wait or that there was no need to mourn.
"For what it Is worth... sister, I'm sorry it had to come to this," Ghadab said in a surprisingly kind tone, without a trace of rudeness.
"I wish you had just taken Luna's offer," Yinyu said mournfully. "We gave you a chance. Why'd you have to be so stubborn?"
"Because I would not let you take my power from me. I also would not let you go without a strong hoof," Sha'am replied. "Ghadab is here now, and at least Phobia shows a willingness to put her hoof down...even if I ended up being the recipient of that. Lastly, I'll not have my punishment taken from me."
She allowed herself to remember what she had gained from Sha'am's memories. Out of all of them, she had the fullest view of Sha'am, due to having access to more of those memories. There was so much heartache, so much anger, and recently so much fear. Sha'am was deathly afraid of what would come next, even though she was putting up such a brave face about it. A pony that had never learned the meaning of compassion because for so long she had never been shown it. In the last few years, when she'd finally been shown it and had access to see it, she couldn't recognize it for what it was. It was one of the saddest things she had ever seen.
"Everything doesn't have to be about punishment and power. Why can't you see that?" Tonya asked sadly, hoping to make one last attempt to break through to the lost pony.
"Because there's nothing to see," Sha'am snapped. "There is no more point in me lingering, with all of you trying to give me some misguided life lesson. I have one more request, and I shall be gone."
"What is your request?" Phobia asked.
"The dying, someone must care for them now that I'm gone," Sha'am replied. "Give them peace in their final moments. The peace I would have been denied."
"I'll take up that task," Tonya said without even thinking. "It's maybe the one worthwhile thing you did. I won't let that little bit of good fade away."
"Good," Sha'am said in a mellow tone. "I hope you have no need of one like me; if you do, the world may be lost. Goodbye to you all." And with that, Sha'am's presence in the dream realm just ceased to be. There was no great feeling of it shifting, or anything to mark the event; she was just gone.
Shock rippled through Tonya and the others at the abruptness of it all, quickly followed by sorrow. Sha'am Maut was now in the eternal dream. An immortal, a being that could not be hurt by any normal means, was now gone. Even knowing her nature, it was a loss to them. This was the first time a Dreamwarden in their universe had gone into the eternal dream since before Joss, the first in billions of years to face a fate worse than oblivion. Tonya noted that in two-hundred years, she might very well be the next to face that same fate.
Something tugged at her awareness, like an itch needing to be scratched, and it took her a second to realize that some dreamer was calling out to her, as if they already knew she was a Dreamwarden. Who would be doing that? No one should know she had become a Dreamwarden yet. It was an unspoken agreement between all Dreamwardens that they did not ignore calls upon them. She focused on the source, and was shocked to discover it was a human, a human that had something very inhuman also in the dream with them. She quickly browsed through the memories she'd recently gained on pure instinct and put a name to the human--Jennifer Tanner, and the other entity she identified as the Narrative.
There was no strict rule that a Dreamwarden had to answer a call upon them, but it was something that the Dreamwardens had generally accepted they should do. The sensation from the others told her that she had their permission to go to who called to her. She formed up an avatar of her recently vaporized body, and sent it into the dream. It was a relatively simple setting—a plain grassy field under the night sky. What appeared to be two matching women in their early twenties stood waiting for her. One with her arms crossed the other, looking almost giddy. They may have appeared the same, but her senses told her that the giddy one was no human or pony.
"You called?" She asked the pair. "I'm not exactly sure how you knew about me already. Is this something to do with your powers?"
The human shrugged her shoulders and pointed to her seeming twin. "Talk to her. She's the one that was insisting on getting your attention. She says you're the new Dreamwarden that's replacing Sha'am Maut, is that true?"
Tonya nodded. "It's true. I literally just started, and she just left. It hasn't been the best day ever, so forgive me if I get a little testy here and there. I kind of just died."
That seemed to shock the human. "Um, sorry to hear that...I guess. You're looking pretty good, all things considered. I don't know you beyond what was in the story; you've always just been the Faithful Attendant to me."
"Thanks," Tonya replied flatly, as she recalled Twilight Sparkle using that term in passing. "And my name is Tonya Blessing."
The Narrative didn't seem like it could contain itself any longer. "That was quite an exciting chapter! Sacrifice, tragic loss, heroic deeds, the bad guys vanquished; I'm only sad that it will be a long time till we can tell that story."
Jennifer shook her head. "I apologize, the Narrative gets so much more animated when we're in a dream. It isn't this bubbly normally."
"Did you have a purpose for summoning me other than reminding me what I just went through?" Tonya asked as the grass around them wilted with her mood.
"I wanted to tell you I wanted to help with the Dreamwardens' problem," the Narrative said enthusiastically.
Tonya raised an eyebrow. "You'll need to be more specific than that. Dreamwardens have a lot of problems."
"I can agree to that," Jennifer Tanner muttered.
"Oh, don't be such grumpy gusses," the Narrative said to them.
"Grumpy gusses?" Jennifer asked in confusion. "Aren't you supposed to be borrowing things from me? I've never used that term in my life."
"You spend way too much time with your aunt. She's rubbed off on you too much," the Narrative scolded.
"Can we get to the point? Not that I don't mind having company other than Ghadab, but I'm not in the best mood right now," Tonya growled.
The Narrative clapped her hands. "I can help you when you bury yourself in the Story!"
"When I do what now?" Tonya asked in confusion.
The Narrative hopped in place. "You call it the eternal dream, but it is the Story. I can help you. As I'm helping Sha'am Maut right now."
Tonya narrowed her eyes. "Helping her how?"
The Narrative stood up straight and gave her a sympathetic look. "It used to be that when Dreamwardens put themselves into the Story, they drifted from one life to the next—experiencing every joy and sorrow as a helpless passenger. But I can direct where you go so that you can see the good things, experience the great chapters. I can also make it so you lose yourself in the story and forget that you're just a passenger along for the telling. I can make you believe you are the lives you experience."
"Can you get us out of the eternal dream?" Tonya asked. A way out sounded great.
The Narrative shook its head, and seemed to lose some of its pep. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that. I'm not even sure that's a good idea. I can do my best to make it a good thing instead of a bad thing, though. Eternity is a long time, and I don't want anyone to suffer through it, not even the Warden of Death."
Tonya looked up at the false sky. "Thank you, and we appreciate your assistance. Sha'am believed that existence was endless misery. I want to believe that life can be wonderful." She then smiled. "Sha'am getting a taste of wonderful lives is fitting. Maybe she can finally learn the truth, even if it doesn't matter anymore."
"And what is your truth, Dreamwarden?" The Narrative asked curiously. "Your story has another two-hundred years yet. What kind of story will it be?"
Tonya lowered her head. "I suppose that's an important question. I don't know."
"Truly?" The Narrative asked. "You're still who you were, just more now. What does the Faithful Attendant do with the power of a Dreamwarden?"
Tonya blinked. "I know I want to be kind. I don't want to be like Sha'am."
"Not being a psychopath is a good start," Jennifer replied.
Tonya looked at the human. Without even meaning to, she gleaned waves of information about her from her mind. None of this could be used against Jenny, as she preferred to be called, but it gave her insight. "I...want to help bring humans and ponies together. To open a dialogue. Sunset had been moving to the idea that humans and ponies were equals, and seeing what I have seen in my binding; I have to accept that my views about pony superiority before were wrong."
"Helping facilitate dialogue that helps bring people together, like an arbiter," the Narrative replied.
"Arbiter…" Tonya said slowly like she was tasting the word. "That will be my name."
"Well, suppose that sounds slightly more intimidating than Tonya for a Dreamwarden name," Jenny observed. "So, are you going to be the Warden of Diplomacy then?"
Arbiter shook her head. "No, it needs to be more hopeful than that." She sat and considered what was important to her. She was still herself; this had to be representative of her, not some new identity she wanted to lose herself in. After a moment, thinking it came to her. "Song...in my darkest moments, I always turned to song to look for hope. I want to help inspire hope, and in honor of that, I'm going to be the Warden of Song."
"I hope you don't make us all sit around singing kumbaya in our dreams," Jenny replied in what was supposed to be mock horror.
The thing about that was Arbiter could feel the young woman's mind, and knew that the idea was entirely unappealing. She didn't mean to feel that out; it was as natural as existing. Even now, she was feeling out half-a-billion other minds, even if she wasn't focused on them. It was impossible to put into words what it was like to be aware of all that. What was more impossible to describe was the fact that she couldn't act on the majority of what she was sensing. Luckily, she hadn't planned on trying to encourage the world to sing kumbaya; otherwise she might be stuck doing it even though she knew how unappealing it would be, at least until someone verbally objected to it in order for her to follow the standard patterns of reconsidering. Making any big decision as a Dreamwarden was a maddening concept due to all this. Even as she considered these things, they became second nature. The job would not allow her to avoid becoming one with it, no more than she could stop herself as thinking like a pony after ETS transformed her.
"No, I don't plan on doing anything like that," she said with a chuckle. As she was saying that, she felt a mind she had been waiting to enter into her realm. She didn't want to be rude to Jenny by leaving, and she didn't need to be. She simply made a fresh avatar of herself in that other dream so she could focus on both. Again, it came naturally. She was a Dreamwarden, and could not avoid doing things as a Dreamwarden.
The other dream was a barren, charred wasteland, with blazing fires and sulfurous smoke. She looked around the dream and quickly banished the hellscape, a task that she had never been able to do while living, but now did as second nature. With the clearing of the fire and brimstone, she revealed herself to her wife.
"Well, that's good to hear," Jenny replied in the other dream, unaware that she was no longer the sole focus of attention.
Sunset looked up at her in complete grief and agony. Not aware that what she was seeing wasn't some specter created in her mind. "Tonya...I'm so sorry."
She walked over to her wife and touched a wing to her. "You don't need to be sorry. I made a conscious decision to do this. It was for the greater good. Poly Glot could not be allowed to access the magic in the Chorus. Too many people would have been hurt or killed."
In Jenny's dream, the young woman stepped towards her with a worried expression. "So what are you going to do to try to bring everyone together? I don't want anyone dealing with any Dreamwarden mind control."
In Sunset's dream, the unicorn stared at her with grief. "Of course, I would try to rationalize it. I always try to rationalize things, and see where it gets me? See where it got her? I can't do this anymore. I need to take responsibility for what I have done."
She was in both dreams independently, and in all others--even if they didn't know it. Being a Dreamwarden, she always was, and neither was less a focus than the other. Sha'am had been right; she couldn't fail to be this.
"I still need to think about it. I have nothing but time, at least for the next two hundred years," she said to Jenny. All while speaking to Sunset as well. "Sunset, my sunshine...I'm really here. I'm not some figment of your imagination."
"No, you're not here, much as I want you to be. You're dead, and it is all my fault!" Sunset cried out, and buried her face into her forelegs to cry.
"You've got an uphill battle doing that," Jenny continued. "People are wary of Dreamwardens. You might be a fresh face, but you're still just another ultra-powerful pony to most humans."
She stood and frowned in consideration at Jenny, as she sat and gripped her wife tight. "You have a point. I need to be something other than a pony. I can't call myself a pony anymore anyway," she said to Jenny, all while crying into her wife's fur. "Sunset...I'm real. I became a Dreamwarden just before the explosion. I'm here, just… stuck forever in the dream realm as a permanent part of it."
"Mom, she's really here," Phobia said, as she materialized an avatar into Sunset's dream.
"All the previous Dreamwardens already have divine avatars," Jenny replied. "That doesn't seem to help them much."
Sunset reached a shaking hoof out to her. "You're really here? Like a spirit...or an angel?"
"I have an idea for a form," Arbiter said, and quickly transformed her avatar in Jenny's dream. Where once there was an orange pegasus with purple mane and tail, now stood her human form, with orange wings and purple hair. She tapped on some pony ears as well, and clothed herself in an orange robe. In her hands, she summoned a long bronze staff.
In Sunset's dream, she remained a pony and nuzzled her wife. "I told you, I'm a Dreamwarden now. I'll always be here for you when you sleep."
Jenny stared at her with a slight frown. "Are you going for an angel or a partial?"
Sunset looked at her with tear-filled eyes. "You promise you'll always be here?"
"Yes," she replied to both. Jenny slapped a hand against her own face at the tired response to an either-or question. Sunset gripped her tighter at hearing the promise.
At that moment, she heard one of Sunset's former contractors called out for her, unaware that she was now a Dreamwarden, and at the same time, felt Luna enter into the dream realm. Luna would be hurt that Sha'am had left without a goodbye, and would be curious about her and her selection. Poor Silver Eclipse had merely been trying to search for her as he would any other dreamwalker, and was going to be dealing with the headache that came from trying to find something that was everywhere. Both needed her attention.
Without breaking her conversation with Jenny, or her wife, she made new avatars, and new focuses. There was no time to settle into the job, and the world would not let her take the time. It didn't matter though; she was a Dreamwarden, and she was the job. She just hoped she could make herself something more than that.