//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1: A Memory And a Hard Place 
// Story: Fallout: Equestria - From Ash 
// by Rosebriar Sunfall 
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Chapter 1: A Memory And a Hard Place  



I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as anger filled me. I could feel it churning in my stomach and burning in my heart. I faced the chalky grey mare, a few years my junior, and narrowed my green eyes furiously. 

“Have you completely lost your mind?! We can’t stop anywhere! We have to keep moving Ashen!” I snapped furiously, my voice strained from trying to keep it low, so we wouldn’t be detected. The smaller mare flattened her ears, her soft lavender eyes a shade darker in her own anger. Her usually soft and calm voice was hard.
“We can’t keep doing this Moss! The foals are exhausted! They need a home! They’re never going to have that if you keep driving them relentlessly every day!” I paused momentarily to toss my brown and cream mane in an exaggerated gesture of exasperation at her apparent stupidity.
“We CAN’T stop! We will all be caught and killed if we stop. There is no home in the Wastelands, Ash. Why can’t you get that through your head?!” I demanded, slamming a dark blue hoof against the ground, and sending up a small cloud of dust. 

Ashen sighed, and closed her eyes for a moment, seemingly trying to rein in her temper and gather her thoughts, as I glared at her, waiting for her response. She took a deep breath before continuing.
“Equestria isn’t the same as it once was Moss. Things are changing. Every day there are less and less dangers. Other ponies are settling down in their own little groups. I think it’s time we do too.” She said more quietly and calmly. I groaned in annoyance. 
“We are not a group of adults Ash. We have a group of foals. You and I cannot defend them alone.” I stated slowly, trying to speak less vehemently as well. I rolled my eyes then squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, feeling the sheer stress and weight of my duties pressing down on me like a heap of rocks. Ashen blinked sympathetically and rested a hoof on my shoulder briefly before she continued. 
“No we can’t...That’s why we need to allow others into our group.” Without a moments pause I responded. 
“No! Strangers only bring trouble! We can’t trust anypony! Every creature these days only care for themselves, and what they can gain…” I paused and shuddered. “And what if they took advantage of the foals or hurt them? That would be on us. Our faults.” I insisted, horror brimming in my soft green eyes as I thought of such a concept. It was all I could do to hold myself together at this moment, as memories of when I was a foal raced through my mind...Before I’d found Ashen Skies, I’d been alone and helpless. And I didn’t always hide well enough. And thus had endured the torments of other ponies and creatures far too often. 

Ashen gently pressed her muzzle against my cheek, trying to comfort me as a tremor ran through my lithe body. Her eyes were understanding...She’d never quite faced the same torture that I had, but she had suffered before I had found her too. I accepted her comfort for a moment before she pulled away and spoke again. 

“I know you’ve suffered a lot Moss. But you need to learn to trust again...Things are not as bad as they were when we were foals. And you know that. You know we need to do this. These foals can’t keep going on every single day. They deserve a real childhood.” She said gently. I sighed heavily and hung my head, my ears drooping. 
“How can we give them that sort of life, when we’ve never even experienced it?” I asked quietly. Ashen moved close to me, putting one hoof over my back in a comforting manner. 
“Because we know what we should have had. And we care about the foals. No child should ever have to go through what we did. We have to do this Mossy. They need it.” Ashen insisted. 

I sighed again and lifted my head, gazing through the gathering darkness, to the small cave beneath the roots of a tree where the nine foals resided, already asleep, exhausted from a long day of walking and hiding, from before dawn, till after darkness began to fall. I remembered finding each of them. 

Breakneck, the earth pony colt we’d found several years back, abandoned in an alley in Manehatten by his horrendously abusive father. And then the pegasus filly, Misty Moors. She was so sweet and innocent, and like myself had been left alone after her mother was killed. Then had come a unicorn filly and earth pony colt together, though they’d said they weren’t related. Gumwad and Fillywishes. They had together escaped a group of ponies whom had treated them as slaves. Two more fillies, one an earth pony and the other a unicorn we’d found one after the next. CinnaMint and Strawberry Sorrow. One whose parents had been taken by an unmarked Dashite working for the Talons. The other who simply had no memory of her past, or parents or much of anything else apart from wandering the desolate empty Manehatten streets until we found her. Then a bat pony colt, Coltly, Who had been recruited by the Talons, in an attempt to make him a lackey before he’d been rescued by a random drifter, and left with Mossy’s group. And finally, just recently the filly pegasus twins, Asparagus and Avocado. They were the second youngest. And they were so sweet and innocent despite everything. As distant as I kept myself from them, I loved each and every one of them. And could not help the overwhelming guilt that this conversation was giving me. 

But I also couldn’t help but picture all the horrors I’d seen in this world. All the cruelty, and betrayal and death. And that unquenchable terror was rising from the pit of my stomach, making me feel like I was choking. I made a strained sound, but then snapped my maw shut quickly, trying to regain my composure. Ashen noticed and frowned in concern, as I began to shake my head, struggling to level out my shaking voice. 

“No...no. We can’t stop...Not yet…” I turned wide pleading green eyes to Ashen. “Please...we will eventually, but let’s just keep travelling for now. Just for a little while longer…” I pleaded desperately, the concept of stopping making my stomach feel as though a rock rested in it, constantly pulling my body downwards. 

She must have seen the desperation and fear in my eyes, because after a soft sigh she nodded. 
“Alright. Just for now.” She agreed. “But while we travel can we at least keep our eyes open for a good place?” Ash asked me. I nodded. 
“Yes.” I breathed out a long, relieved breath and took a few paces out into the desert, sitting down and peering up at the deep inky blackness, speckled with bright little stars. Ashen followed me and sat next to me, very close. I didn’t look at her but felt a tiny bit nervous at her proximity. She was my best friend, but I knew she felt more for me. I knew she was in love with me. She’d admitted it some years back. But I was straight. I didn’t love her like that and had told her as much. But still. She was always there. Always caring. I appreciated it but I was always the tiniest bit nervous when she was so close to me. I loathed the thought of ever hurting her. 

I drove away those intrusive thoughts, and looked down at her. “Thank you Ash.” I murmured softly. Ashen looked up at me and smiled, her lavender eyes sparkling in the starlight. 
“And thank you.” She responded. She stared into my eyes for a long moment and I could practically see the soft glow of sorrow in hers. But she smiled softly and looked back up at the sky. I looked back up too, remembering when the smog and smoke had been so thick, one could hardly see the sky at all. But now the air was clear. Years of rain and regrowth were responsible for that. And the sky sparkled like a giant black gem. 

Ash finally rose and looked at me.
“You know what I believe is right. But I also want you to know, no matter what you choose, I will always have your back. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth Mossy…” She murmured very quietly. Before I could respond, she nodded to me and turned away, trotting back to the little cave, and vanishing inside to rest with the foals, leaving me at a loss. She’d used to encourage me to rest as well, but by now she knew it was futile. I always had to guard them all. Ensure nothing and nopony got near them. And so I stayed sitting where I was, as my mind began to wander. 

Ash was right. Things were changing. They had been for awhile. The world was starting to brighten. The faded grey and sepia tones of the landscape were showing more shades. Richer browns, yellows and reds. And hints of green from time to time. I was born long after the Megaspells. And now I was an adult. All that pain and suffering and the worst of it seemed so long past. The stories I’d heard as a foal seemed terrifying even compared to my childhood and what I’d endured, and now it wasn’t even as gruesome as when I’d been a foal. 

And yet...all I had faced in my life, it always overcame my rational thoughts. The fear simply continued to build and the concept of trusting other ponies was just...So foreign and so wrong feeling. It was all I could do to try to think through the situation without breaking down...I didn’t break down. I couldn’t. Not with the foals relying on me. Not with Ash relying on me. As the panic began to rise I took a deep breath and scolded myself. 
Calm down Mossy Trails. You need to stay strong for them.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d sat there thinking, but it seemed like I'd merely blinked and noticed the horizon was turning a very faint dove grey as the sun began to creep up behind the distant barren hills. I sat for a little while longer, allowing them a little extra rest, and watched it get a bit brighter. A reddish glow began to stain the sky, and the stars started to wink out of sight, and I took this as my cue to rise to my hooves, turn and trot into the cave. It was time to wake my little herd and get them walking for the day. I was very tired, and felt the heavy strain of weariness pull at my muscles, but I would rest later and talk to Ashen again tonight. But for now. We had to move.