An upbeat melody played as one by one, the lights on the stage lit up, brightening the room considerably.
“Why look dear Co-Host of mine, that time has come around!” Pinkie sang, popping out from stage right.
“Ponies with queried quotes, dry plots, and not a single answer to be found!” Discord sang, popping out of stage morp.
“Maybe we can share a couple answers to halt their despair?”
“Yes indeed, we will see, what Stupid Answers at which they’ll staaaaare~!”
“Well you’ve got a continuity, with strange opportunities~! He’s big! She’s rad! We’ve got so many Stupid Answers! And if you’d just ask, they might just staaaaay~!”
“CUT!” A voice cried out, causing the music to abruptly stop and the Heart Song to end.
“Awww....” Pinkie groaned. “But I wanted to do the whole song!”
“Sorry-not sorry,” The voice from the rafters continued, “But we can’t spend an entire episode on just rewriting this particular song into a parody!”
Discord huffed. “Killjoy.” He snapped his claws and a chair that looked vaguely like Twilight’s throne appeared, which he promptly sat down in.
“Whelp, might as well do the intro!” Pinkie stated, jumping into an identical chair to Discord’s left.
“Yeah, yeah... Hi. I’m Discord, and I’m an aquaholic.”
The audience gave him a few odd looks, and Pinkie nudged him.
“*Cough* Discord, wrong greeting.”
“Oh, right! *Ahem* Hello, everypony! Welcome to the mostest splendiferous show in the Equis Cluster, A Stupid Answer! I’m your host, Discord!”
“And I’m your other host, Pinkie Pie! On this show, we answer questions sent in by you viewers at home and on the stage...”
“Ignore them...”
“Shred them...”
“Go on crazy adventures... Basically an Oat Opera with audience involvement and no Operas. Or deaths. Or evil clones...”
“Well, you guys already knew all of that, right? Well then, let’s move along with the show!”
“Indeed, Pinkie! Now...”
“Let’s give A Stupid Answer!”
As Discord started to put a paw in the bag, his nose started itching, and-
“AH-CHOO!!”
-Discord sneezed, a green envelope sailing out of his nose and splatting against the back of Pinkie’s chair.
“Oh, that was strange. Somepony must be talking about me.” He commented, rubbing a hanky with a gourd design on it against his nose.
“Eeewwwww....” Pinkie gently used a large pair of tweasers to remove the envelope, setting it on a conveniently nearby table. “Let’s see...”
She carefully opened it up and pulled out a white letter.
“No name at the front... ‘deer discrod an pinky, dis is gud shoe but i hav kwestshon: how is fowly formd? how mair get pragnent? krixwell, 6 and a haf yeers’”
The two hosts stared at the letter for a moment, before looking at each other, both with wide eyes.
“TWILIGHT~!” They yelled in tandem.
Like the successful summoning it was, Twilight appeared in a teleport, clearly very surprised.
“Okay, one, I felt a great disturbance in the Force from here,” She said, “Two, how do I know what the Force is?”
Pinkie shoved the letter to her. “No time to explain!”
Discord shoved a guarana to her. “Just answer the question!”
Twilight just blankly looked at them for a moment before grabbing the letter in her magic(Ignoring the poor, poor guarana. ;-;)and slowly reading it.
“...”
“...”
“...Askyourmother,okay,goodbye!”
With another flash, Twilight disappeared, leaving the letter to drift in the air, landing in the shredder.
“Huh... Y’know, I don’t think she likes our show.”
“Maybe if we added streamers... Or balloons! Wait, no... Books! *Gasp* Book Balloons!”
“....Orrrr, we could just get the next question?”
“Oh, yeah, sure. Next!
Pinkie stuffed a hoof into the Mailmare bag, and, rooting it around the inside for a bit, pulled out a-
“A Deadpool plushie?!” Discord exclaimed. “But... This isn’t even a crossover!!”
“Oh, right, you weren’t there for that. A while back me and him were pitted against each other in a fight to the death, we both liked ‘changas, we went on a road trip through reality, became best friends, I threw his birthday party, and now we’re pen pals!”
“...At least that’s just story canon and not show canon.”
“For now... Anyway, let’s see what the plushie says.”
Pinkie found a zipper on the back and pulled it open to find a scroll of some kind in the plush, and quickly opened it.
“*Ahem* ’Dear Pinkie Pie and the other one, I just wanted to ask what Celestia’s favorite anime is! P.S., tell Frazzle to give me a better cameo and to catch up on your show.’”
“Well, Frazzle HAS been slacking on the MLP front. He should just REDACTED-REDACTED-REDACTED-REDACTED-REDACTED, that’s sure to be easier!”
“Ooh, ooh, he should watch it with his sister! Then they can have a ‘We’re siblings who like the same show’ party!”
“Or...” The voice from the rafters ground out. “You could answer. The. Question.”
“Jeez, fine...” Discord snapped his claws, and a security monitor appeared on the back wall. “Let’s see... Celestia’s singing...”
”You know I want you... It’s not a secret I try to hide. But I can’t have you... Hate to break it, my hooves are tied.”
“Sister, stop singing to the cake!”
“...Celestia’s dinner...”
”I take back everything bad I ever thought about fast food. PIZZA IS AMBROSIA.”
“Ah, here we go! Celestia’s Anime binge!”
”Sailor Jupiter! No, don’t do it!”
“Well well well, looks like she’s a Sailor Moon fan!” Pinkie said, holding a toy sun. “Kinda obvious, considering there’s no ‘Sun’ anime...”
“What about Fairy Tail? Doesn’t that have fire as the main magic?”
“Meh, dragons always have fire.”
Pinkie tossed the letter into the shredder.
“Next one!”
Discord pulled a purple envelope out of the mail bag and opened it with a dagger that was glowing blue. (Well, more of a letter opener, really.) He pulled the letter out and started reading:
“A letter from ‘Superfun!’ ‘Dear Pinkie Pie, do you have any knowledge of your past generation's self?’ Quite the personal question, that one is...”
Unexpectedly, Pinkie started sweating a little bit.
“Oh, uh, my past generation? I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Discord raised an eyebrow at her, dusting her sweat off with it and dropping it in a trash can.
“That is most definitely not regular Pinkie Pie behavior... What’re you hiding?”
“N- Nothing, nothing!”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a loud warbling noise sounded out of nowhere and a big pink telephone booth started to-
Oh, heck no.
-to fade into reality. It finally solidified, and after a moment of silence, a pink earth pony mare with a cutie mark consisting of three balloons trotted out of the-
Uh, Frazzle? What are you doing?
-TROTTED OUT OF THE-
Yo, Frazzle, stop writing this.
Fine... What. Is. It?
Wellllll... I’m not sure how the fans of the story would feel about me being a Time Lord.
They’ll NERD OUT. That’s exactly what I want!
Shouldn’t the ‘Different Generations of Equestria, except it’s whovian themed’ be a dead trope by now?
Rrrgh, fine! I’ll rewrite that part!
“A letter from ‘Superfun!’ ‘Dear Pinkie Pie, do you have any knowledge of your past generation's self?’ Quite the personal question, that one is...”
Unexpectedly, Pinkie started sweating a little bit.
“Oh, uh, my past generation? I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Oh, Pinkie ‘G. Three’ Pie? Yeah, she’s TONS of fun! Sure, she’s a little behind the times, but she’s really good at making cupcakes!”
Discord shook his head out and then reattached it.
“Woah. That almost felt like De Ja Vu.”
“Eh, you get used to it.” Pinkie swiped the letter from his paws and shoved it into the shredder. “Onwards!”
You happy now, Pinkie?
Yupperdoodles!
Finally...
Pinkie pulled a butterfly net out of her mane and dropped the end into the bag for a few seconds before pulling it back out, an envelope that was a royal shade of purple in the net.
“Let’s see...” She said, opening it. “This is a letter from- FROM ’PRINCE BLUEBLOOD’?!”
Discord spat out a cup full of Guarana Juice, the plastic cup spilling its contents on the floor.
“Wait, WHAT? The pony who only speaks in one episode? How is HE important enough to warrant a whole letter?”
“Plus, he’s an antagonist! He’s antagonisticly antagonistic!”
Discord grabbed the letter from her hooves and started reading.
“‘Dear Pinkie Pie and Discord, could you please tell me why Celestia isn’t giving me the throne?😠😠😠’ Oh, that’s an easy question.”
Pinkie wiped a hoof down her forehead in relief.
“And here I thought it’d be something difficult! The answer to that is: She has wings!”
“And you don’t!”
Discord shoved the piece of paper into the shredder.
“Next!”
Discord stuck a foot into the bag, reading a book titled ‘Harmony Theory: The Bacon Files.’
He pulled his foot back out after approximately three point one four seconds, and in its clutches was a bluish blackish envelope with a moon decal on the front.
“Ooh, another one from Loonie-Moonie!”
He quickly opened it, and started reading.
“Oh, wait, hang on, this is from a pony called ‘Midknight Defender.’ Well the envelope certainly should’ve been clearer on that!”
He grumbled for a bit before reading the rest.
“‘Dear Discord and Pinkie Pie, how many ponies does it take to screw in a lightbulb if all they use is candles?’ Oh, easy, four and four fifths of a quarter pony.”
“Can’t argue with that math.” Pinkie plucked the letter from Discord and loaded it into the shredder on the back of her party cannon. “Next!”
Discord pulled a pale yellow envelope out of the bag and opened it with the finesse and grace he most assuredly had.
“Another letter from the ‘Socially Awkward Brony!’ ‘Dear Discord and Pinkie, do grammatical mistakes make you mad?’”
“Meh, sometimes. Exhibit A, when Frazzle spells our names wrong.”
“Exhibit £, when ponies forget a word when writing a sentence.”
And with that out of the way, Discord shoved the letter into Pinkie’s party shredder.
“And that’s the last question!”
“Wait, already?! Is it just me, or is this show getting shorter?”
“Technically, with each episode, it’s longer.”
“Oh, okay!”
Pinkie turned to the audience, her party cannon pointed the same way too.
“Thanks for coming to watch this episode of ‘A Stupid Answer!’ Leave a like...”
“Dislike...”
“A nice question about seaponies and sirens...”
“A flame comment about Frazzle’s horrible writing...”
“HEY!”
“And be sure to also tell us how you rate this story! We need to know... For party reasons.”
Discord held up a graph which almost looked like utter nonsense.
“On a scale from one to ten, what flavor of color is this story, with ten being the fizziest and one being flat?”
“Until next time, keep asking those Stupid Questions, and we’ll keep giving Stupid Answers!”
She pulled the rope on the back of the cannon and a vast amount of confetti, enough to obscure Discord and Pinkie Pie, shot out of it. And with that, the lights went out.