It was a beautiful spring morning in Ponyville, the sort of morning that forced Twilight Sparkle to suppress the urge to break into an uplifting musical number involving the rest of the town. “We’ve already had two Pinkie Pie songs and a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ ensemble piece this week, so I think everypony could probably use a break from singing anyway.” Twilight mused.
“What was that?” Spike asked as he followed behind.
“Nothing important, I was just thinking about what a nice day it is,” Twilight said as she enjoyed the familiar sights of Ponyville. Applejack was running her family’s applecart and hawking their latest harvest. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were racing down the street celebrating their latest success. An orangutan was pedaling a tricycle and handing out flyers to passerby. A group of students from her School of Friendship were chatting at the local café.
It was a testament to the lives that Twilight and Spike had led since coming to Ponyville that it took a full ten seconds before either realized that there was something out of the ordinary about one of those scenes. “Is that an orangutan?” Spike asked as he watched the ape hand out a pair of flyers to Lyra and Bon Bon.
“I…think so. What in Equestria is it doing in Ponyville, though?” Admittedly, this was far from the strangest sight Twilight had encountered since moving to Ponyville (and it was debatable if it would even broach the top ten for this week), but it was still a baffling situation. “It doesn’t really look like it’s one of Fluttershy’s animal friends, and it seems a little low-key for a circus promotion.
“Well, wherever it came from it looks like its headed for Sugar Cube Corner,” Spike said as he watched the orangutan park its tricycle next to the bakery before waddling inside. Seeing the orangutan enter the building Twilight picked up her pace, entering the bakery just in time to see the ape reach the bakery counter, currently being manned by Pinkie Pie.
“Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner, how can I – Igor, is that you?” Pinkie Pie asked with an excited gasp as she laid eyes on her new customer. “I haven’t seen you in forever. Wait, if you’re here, does that mean that…?”
“Ook,” Igor grunted as he nodded his head, resulting in a high-pitched squeal of delight from Pinkie.
“That’s great news, I have to tell everypony, and I mean everypony! Oh, this is so exciting!” Pinkie Pie yelled as she quickly worked herself into a giddy frenzy. Before Pinkie could go flying out the door, however, Igor rapped a knuckle on the countertop to get her attention.
“Ook.”
“Oh, right, sorry, your order. So that will be a dozen banana nut muffins for you and a chocolate chip chocolate cream crumb cake for the professor,” Pinkie Pie said as she recited an order from apparent memory.
“Ook,” Igor replied with a friendly nod as he turned to leave Pinkie Pie to her excitement. As Igor waddled past Twilight he briefly paused and handed her one of his flyers before heading out the door.
“Twilight!” Pinkie Pie cried out as she noticed Twilight and Spike standing near the entrance. “Can you believe it? The professor’s finally coming back to Ponyville! Isn’t that terrific?”
“The who’s coming back to Ponyville?” Twilight aske das she glanced down at the flyer she had been given. The flyer, as it turned out, was an advertisement proclaiming the grand opening of ‘Professor Boffinspark’s Party Supply and SCIENCE Emporium’. “Who in the hoof is Professor Boffinspark? And why does that name sound so familiar?”
“Did you just say Professor Boffinspark?” Turning around, Twilight found herself facing Rainbow Dash, who had a look of abject horror on her face.
“She sure did! Igor was just in here placing an order,” Pinkie Pie gleefully confirmed.
“Oh no. No no no no no, I thought that nutcase was supposed to be gone for good. I gotta go warn everypony!” Without any further explanation, Rainbow Dash bolted out of the bakery at top speed.
“Okay, now I’m even more confused than before,” Twilight said as she watched Rainbow Dash disappear down the street, before turning to see that Pinkie Pie had already vanished back into Sugar Cube Corner’s kitchens. “Who in the hay is Professor Boffinspark?”
*********
“That’s kind of a long story, sugar cube,” Applejack said as she, Fluttershy and Rarity sat around the Cutie Map along with Twilight and Spike. “The short answer is that Boffinspark’s some sort of scientist or somethin’ that used to live ‘round her in Ponyville. Matter of fact, he used to live up in the Pear farm by Sweet Apple Acres. If Ah remember correctly, he up and left about a year before y’all first came to town, and Ah guess nopony ever thought to mention him to y’all.”
“At least it will be nice to see Igor again, he was always such a nice orangutan,” Fluttershy added.
“Igor was never the problem, darling,” Rarity pointedly countered. “I for one am not looking forward to having to put up with the antics of that stallion again, especially now that we’ve established the School of Friendship. Can you imagine what will happen if some of our students from outside Equestria get swept up in one of Boffinspark’s ‘experiments’?”
“Now hold on just a second, maybe it won’t be as bad as all that. Ah mean, it’s been years since any of us have even heard from the professor, maybe he’s mellowed out some? Heck, look how much Discord’s changed since we first met, and the professor was never that bad to start with.”
“That’s debatable,” Rarity muttered under her breath.
“Could somepony please explain to me what exactly is the matter with this Boffinspark pony? Must scientists don’t normally get ponies this upset,”
“Well, as y’all might’ve guessed the professor ain’t exactly like most scientists. The main issue is that his experimentin’ always seems to find some way to get a mite out of hoof,” Applejack said uneasily.
“How ‘out of hoof’ are we talking about here?” Twilight asked pointedly.
“Well, there was the time he nearly set half the town on fire with some mechanized monstrosity while trying to speed up Winter Wrap Up,” Rarity offered.
“And the time he accidently set a horde of giant, flying, fire-breathing bunnies loose during the Summer Sun Celebration,” Fluttershy added.
“Not to mention the Nightmare Night pumpkin incident,” Rarity shuddered. “To this day I can’t look at pumpkin soup the same way.”
“It ain’t that he means anypony any harm, mind y’all. It’s just that Boffinspark’s never been the type to think anythin’ through properly and even when he does, he can be a bit reckless,” Applejack said almost apologetically. “He really ain’t so bad once y’all get to know him.”
“Pinkie Pie did seem to be really happy that he was coming back to Ponyville,” Twilight said. “Maybe I should meet this Professor Boffinspark and see what he’s like for myself.”
“Ah’d be willin’ to introduce y’all if y’d like,” Applejack offered. “If the professor really has set up shop back at the Pear farm then it won’t be hard to find him, especially if he starts up with his experimentin’ again. And to be honest, it’d probably be best if Ah checked in with him mahself to see what he’s up to.”
“And then warn the rest of the town, if necessary,” Rarity added darkly.
*********
“You know, I couldn’t help but notice that you and Pinkie Pie seem to be two of the only ponies that actually seem to like this Boffinspark pony,” Twilight said as she and Applejack made their way to the Pear orchard.
“Well, Pinkie Pie likes pretty much everypony and on a good day Boffinspark has a fair bit in common with her. In mah case things are a bit more complicated, though,” Applejack replied.
“A bit?” Twilight asked.
“Alright, a whole heap more. The long and short of it is that Boffinspark’s supposedly a relative of mine…a distant relative. And before y’all ask, Ah don’t have a clue precisely how we’re related, Ah’ve never gotten a straight answer on the subject mahself. What Ah do know is that Boffinspark was real close to mah parents way back when. ‘Cause of that, me or Big Macintosh were usually the one’s left tryin’ to either try and talk sense into him before he does somethin’ crazy or tryin’ to keep the peace between him and the town when we couldn’t stop him.”
Before Twilight could ask any further questions, a deafening roar echoed out from further towards the farmhouse. Moments later, an oval portal opened in the sky and a bathtub with a jet engine affixed to one end blasted out from it. Standing inside was a gray unicorn with a wild, dark blue mane sporting a lab coat and goggles cheering madly. “AHAHAHAHAHA! YES! FOR SCIENCE!” As the arc of the flying bathtub’s trajectory started to descend towards the ground a second portal opened in front of it, swallowing it into the air. Soon afterwards a loud splash could be heard from the distance, as if something large had just been dropped into a lake.
“So, I take it that was…” Twilight started to say as the shock of what she had just witnessed started to wear off.
“Yep, that was Boffinspark alright. Looks like he’s already started his experimentin’ back up again.” Twilight noticed that Applejack had pulled her hat down over her face. “Well, it sounds like he managed to land in the pond near here, we may as well go fish him out of it.”
Nodding in agreement, Twilight followed Applejack as they made their way through the trees until they reached a clearing surrounding a large pond. Sitting in a rowboat in the center of the pond was Igor, who was in the process of pulling the unicorn from earlier up out of the water.
Heaving a sigh, Applejack strode up the water’s edge as he called out to the pair on the boat. “Y’all alright, professor? Ah saw y’all flyin’ through the air and then heard y’all splash down so Ah figured Ah’d come see if y’all needed mah help fishin’ y’all out. Looks like Igor’s got that part covered, though.”
Igor casually waved towards Applejack as he finished the coughing and spitting Boffinspark into the boat. “Ah, Applejack, good afternoon! I’ve been meaning to pay you a visit to let you know I’ve moved back, but I always seem to get distracted my research and…well, you understand what its like to get engrossed in your work. On the plus side, I’ve conclusively proven that my intradimensional portals are able to preserve linear momentum during transit. Score one for Boffinspark!” As Boffinspark cheered himself on he threw up his front hooves in celebration, nearly capsizing the boat in the process.
“Wait, that’s what you were doing?” Twilight asked incredulously. “But, why in Equestria would you conduct a scientific test like that using a rocket-powered bathtub?”
“You wouldn’t, that would be utterly ridiculous,” Boffinspark snorted as though he were stating the blindingly obvious. “I used a jet-powered bathtub for the test, much more reliable for data gathering purposes. Also, who are you? I don’t believe that we’ve met.”
“Professor Boffinspark, this here’s Princess Twilight Sparkle. She came to Ponyville a while after y’all left and Ah brought her here to introduce the two of y’all,” Applejack said.
“Oh, you’re Princess Twilight! I guess the wings and horn should have been a bit of a giveaway,” Boffinspark said as he leaned out of the boat and stuck out his hoof in greeting. Unfortunately, at that moment the rowboat struck a mudbank a few feet from the pond’s edge, sending Boffinspark tumbling head over hooves back into the water. Before Igor could pluck him out of the water again, however, Twilight levitated the professor onto the shore and magically dried him off. “Thankyou for that, I have to say I’ve wanted to meet you for time now, your highness. I’ve actually done quite a bit of research on the alicorn transformation process and I’d love to ask you a few questions about the experience. I don’t exactly get many opportunities to work with somepony who’s actually experienced the transformation, after all.”
“I guess that would be alright,” Twilight said hesitantly. As she glanced over to Applejack, however, Twilight noticed her friend frantically shaking her head. “But maybe we should do that another day, I still have some things that I need to take care of back at the school later today.”
“Of course, I completely understand. We should schedule a time to talk though. I’d love to ask you some questions about what happened when you transformed, how you acclimated to the new forms of magic, maybe collect a tissue sample –”
“Wait, what did you just say?” Twilight asked.
“How you acclimated to your new forms of magic?” Boffinspark replied before a rumbling crash echoed out from further into the orchard closer to the farmhouse. “Well, it sounds as though the timberwolves I’ve been experimenting on just broke out of their enclosure. I’d better go take care of that, so nice to see you, we really should take again soon, always nice to meet another alumnus of Princess Celestia, bye!” With that, Boffinspark took off into the orchard. Igor, having finally gotten out of the boat, gave Twilight and Applejack an apologetic shrug before racing off after the professor.
“Um, Applejack, should I be concerned by any of that?” Twilight asked after a few moments had passed.
“About that whole tissue thing? Nah, Ah wouldn’t fret to much about it. More than likely all that’ll happen there is the professor will follow y’all around fer a bit like y’all did with Pinkie Pie when y’all were tryin’ to figure out her Pinkie sense. That’ll last fer a day or so, then somethin’ else will get his attention and that’ll be the last of it.” A piercing howl echoed through the trees as Applejack spoke. “Now, hat bit about the timberwolves on the other hoof? That we should be worried about.”
Several bright beams of light proceeded to fire into the afternoon sky, followed by the sounds of Boffinspark yelling angrily. “Hold still, you stupid…something canine related shrubs! I can’t laser you properly if you keep jumping around like that!”
Twilight gave Applejack an uneasy look. “Should we be worried because of the timberwolves, or because of what Boffinspark going to do trying to capture them again?”
Applejack let out a deep sigh. “Eeyup.”