//------------------------------// // Rad: Thus Always to Gator Fans // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Dan kept swinging Chris, clobbering the various fanboys and fangirls. He enjoyed himself only too much, as usual, while Captain America was forced to watch. Cap checked on Phoenix, who was still out cold. As Cap examined Phoenix Wright a bit closer, he noticed his hair was extra-shiny. He pinched one of the lawyer's trademark back-facing 'hair spikes.' Between his fingers, very faintly, was a pinkish substance. It was the same stuff he'd been drenched in earlier. "Hey Dan- oh." Cap paused not just because he noticed exactly how many fans Dan had thrashed or that the human was still busy thrashing, but also because Cap saw how many fans were continuing to gather. Yes, the strength of fans was not just in their passion; it was also their numbers. The more Dan smacked with the limp body of his frival, or friendly rival, the more seemed to appear. Most weren't even fighting, at least not yet. They gathered and continued placing bets, talked, discussed, joked, laughed and treated the current fight just like they had been moments ago. The fight hadn't changed, it had just moved out of the arena. "Uh, Dan?" "Here's one for you! And you! Yes, and your friend, too!" Whomp, thump, thwamp, Dan smashed his way through the fans. "HAHAHAHA! You came to see a show, didn't you?!" "Dan-" Cap reached out and grabbed Dan by the shoulder. It was only then the smaller human noticed just how large the gathering crowd was. "Haha... hahaha... ha... ha..." Dan stopped laughing and slowly lowered the Chris Redfield bat. The good news was that Redfield had apparently regained his usual outfit from Dan using him as a club so much. But, the bad news was that they were completely surrounded. There were so many that Dan could not see over them, nor could Cap see around them. The fans may have lacked some confidence, but they found it in the fact that there was a fuckton of them and that the bigger ones were in the front. Finding the crowd size a little intimidating, Dan reverted back to diplomacy. "So, uh... that's the show. Hope y'all enjoyed it... homeys. Whatever you kids call each other. And uh, I'm Dan, this is my friend Stevie and my other friend Nicky... and my friend Chris or whatever. We're all friends... sort-of." He looked around at the silent, unmoving hooded figures. "Thanks for coming?" The fans said nothing. "Dan," Cap said, swallowing. "I feel a little exposed here." "Why? They're just fans," Dan said, smiling at the nearest post-apocalyptic doom fanboy. "I bet you'd like an autograph, wouldn't you, buddy?" 'Buddy' pulled out a spiked club. "Take off your shirt." Dan slowly backed away. "Okay... THAT went in a completely different direction than I thought it would." He bumped Cap in the back. Both men were famous characters surrounded by hungry fans. It was like being surrounded by piranha wearing suits made of beef. "I want his shoes." "I want his hair." "I want his femur." "I want to leave, Stevie," Dan said. The fans came closer, eager to claim literally every piece of the iconic characters. They'd be lucky if they had any teeth left by the time they were done. More of the fans began brandishing weapons. Others brandished iphones and other recording devices. Dan dropped Chris and climbed up Captain America until he was on top of the man's shoulders. "Dan, errgh, you're," he shifted," you're a bit heavy." "SAVE ME STEVIE THEY WANT MY FEMUR!" "Ten bits for his shoes!" "I'll give forty bits for a sock!" several fans called from the back. Knowing they weren't far enough to get the early pickings, the rear fans began offering bribes for various parts. A cartoon character and a superhero were worth a fortune. They crowded around Captain America. They were almost in arms' length of him. Just as they were about to literally tear them all apart, Steve Rogers smirked as an idea came into his head. "Wait a second," he said. To their credit, the fans actually did wait. Fans were great at negotiating. "You guys are hardcore fans, right?" "Yeah," most of them echoed in unison. "I mean, we DID organize a post-apocalyptic underground wasteland tournament of champions and are garbed as the traditional roving doomsday marauders so, heheh, yeah, I think we're pretty hardcore." "Your mom made your costume, Travis." "No, she HELPED with my costume. She HELPED because she's better with in-seams than I am." "That's not all she helped with!" "Okay dad, thanks, that's enough." Travis had very supportive parents. "Anyway, I've got a question for you guys," Cap said. He got that cocky smirk he does sometimes. "Who would win in a fight? Me, Captain America, or..." he paused for a moment, letting suspense build, "Batman?" "Batman," they all said. Even Dan, who was on top of Cap's shoulders still. And Cap felt his shoulders go slack. "Really? You all think I'd get beaten by Batman?" "Yeah," unison again. Including Dan. Again. "Stevie, he's Batman," Dan said. 'Buddy' nodded. "You can't beat Batman." "He was just in arena twelve. Beat every other superhero. Because he's Batman." Steve looked up at Dan as much as he could. "What about you versus Batman?" "Woah woah woah, Stevie. First, yes, I would beat Batman. It would not be easy-" "Wait," Steve stopped him. He looked at the fans. "Who would win in a fight? Dan or Batman?" "Hmmmm" "Hrrrrr" "Hnrrrr," the fans went. Some said Dan, some said Batman. Most said Dan. "If it's Dan Versus Bruce Wayne, I'm with Dan." "We're just talking about Batman vee Dan right now." "Can you have Batman without Bruce Wayne?" The deliberation was on. Already, people were discussing the subject on various social media platforms. Of course, in the multiverse, the only really used social media platform was Team Fortress 2. Nope, not Twitter or Facebook or any of that crap, just TF2. And Overwatch. "Who's up for the Dan Versus Batman fight?" "Put me down for twenty on Dan!" "I have thirty on Batman!" "Twenty for Dan!" "Fifty on draw!" "Alright, everybody back to Arena Nine for the Batman Versus Dan fight!" Dan grumbled. "Great job, Stevie. Brilliant work. Now I have to fight Batman. This is going to be just perfect." "Apparently you're getting good odds." "I know. It's not like I won't win but it's going to be a bit tough to explain to Gotham City why Batman needs a week off," Dan said. "Fortunately, I know how to get us out of this." "How's that?" "Ask them THIS instead:" Dan said. He whispered into Steve's ear what he wanted him to say. "Really?" "Yes." "Okay," Steve took a deep breath, "Attention... uh, hardcore nerds! I mean, uh, you guys. I have a question for you all." "We quarter Captain America, then we get to the Dan vee Batman fight. Sound good?" "I wanna get something to eat first." "Okay, rip apart America, food, then fight." "Works for me." "Ahem," Cap started, "So, who is best pony?" "Rainbow Dash." "Fluttershy." "Applejack." "Pinkie Pie." "Rarity." "Twilight Sparkle." All of the fans answered, and each of the Mane Six were among the answers. It was about even- a six-way tie. The fans began to turn to one another. "Rainbow Dash? Are you serious?" "What has Rarity been best at anything?" "She's been around the longest!" "By that logic, SPIKE is best pony!" "I think Spike is best pony!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVID." And this continued to the back. "Why would you say Fluttershy? You have a Pinkie Pie body pillow." "...That's only the decoy body pillow." "Decoy for what?" "I don't care if Twilight Sparkle's the main main character. Applejack is best pony." "Maybe best background pony." "Oh, ha-ha, that joke was funny nine seasons ago." "But the show's only nine seasons long." "Exactly, Amy and by the way, go fuck yourself. Pinkie Pie is annoying." "Does anyone like Starlight Glimmer?" "She's not even in this universe." "She will be." And then things got heated. One of them pulled out a gun. And then more guns were drawn. "Woah. Brian-" "Take it back." "Wha-" "YOU TAKE IT BACK!" "Dude... it's okay. You can think Twilight Sparkle is best pony, that's fine." "IT'S NOT RARITY! HOW COULD YOU LIKE RARITY OVER TWILIGHT??!!" "Brian... put the gun down, man." "She's not..." "I'm your ride!" "SHE'S NOT BEST PONY!!!!!!!!!!!" *BANG* No one knows who shot first. But all hell broke loose after that. The fans shot, beat, stabbed each other, threw each other, one even took Dan's suggestion and used the body of a close friend as a club. It was an incredible fight. The fan Dan called 'Buddy' did not last long. Being bigger and closer to Dan and Cap, he was an easier target. The larger humanoid was one of the first to fall to the horde of fans. Two of them tore a fan's hood off and shaved a surprisingly accurate depiction of Fluttershy into his head. It was madness. And Dan watched and enjoyed it all. "Now THIS is a show worth paying for. Was this what you were going for, Stevie?" "Sort-of," Steve said. "A bit more violent than I imagined." He had to step over a pool of blood. "I know. You had a great idea, Stevie." The fans fought until only two remained. Both of them a bit short, they had not answered either of Cap's questions. "You," Dan said to the first one, "Why didn't you fight?" The short fan shrugged. "I like Steven Universe better." Dan shot them. "You," Dan said to the next one, "Same question." "I uh... I like Derpy," they said in a cute voice. "I always thought she was best pony." Dan nodded in agreement. "Good answer." Then he shot them. "Alright Stevie, let's go get something to eat." Behind them, and on Stevie's back respectively, Chris and Nick began to wake up. They had many questions when they saw the carnage around them. Dan would answer none of them.