-The Volcano, Lower Tier Streets, Jacky-
Every time I sliced at a noodle appendage with my blades as I twisted and turned, it temporarily spewed forth a mass of pasta sauce from its wounds.
It could use some diced basil, chopped oregano and at least some kind of powdered cheese for a little flavoring, otherwise the floating spaghetti monster tasted horrible and wasn’t very threatening.
I’d say the monster was more annoying than anything, at least the local guards were showing themselves to be far more competent than the ones in Canterlot by keeping it contained to this one area. I was helping out with the containment, mostly because it probably my fault it either appeared here or was created nearby.
This monster didn’t even have enough strength to choke people with its appendages or even hurt anyone as it whipped at us ineffectually, I could even rip its noodles off with my bare talons. Now if only the monster would stop regenerating it’s squishy boiled noodle limbs that were getting everywhere!
This monster was a level 0 threat and the only real problem it presents, besides being a mild inconvenience to the surrounding longma forcing it to stay in place, is in figuring out how to destroy it.
This animate noodle monster certainly didn’t have a brain, it was a guaranteed fact. As far as noodle incidents go, this was both tame and lame.
“Light is not always good, dark is not always bad.” Hearing a voice, I turned my head to see a unicorn with her eyes closed and a darkly glowing book hovering before her. The pages in the book seemed to infinitely turn for the mare with bright grey fur. Her long dark raven mane and tail that had reddish purple tips fluttered in an invisible breeze. “There is always some grey between the two.”
The mare lacking a cutie mark was busy with whatever it was she was doing that made her eyelids shine. Judging by the dark glowing powers and the evil looking book, I probably didn’t want to be in front of her like I was at the moment.
I backed away as the noodle appendage tried to wrap around me. Even if it did grab me it wouldn’t be capable of lifting me off the ground, the spaghetti monster was basically a useless blimp full of steam that at best could suffocate you with pasta noodles if given enough time.
The monster was just so underwhelming, that I couldn’t stop thinking about how underwhelming it was.
“I will show that darkness can be heroic, that it can shine from its own depths to save this world… Dark Spark!” The mare’s blue eyes, lacking pupils, flew open and a white glow over took them. She stared at the spaghetti monster and a faint second set of smaller eyes could almost be seen above them. The beam she fired made of dark energy with multiple colorful streaks in it made the spaghetti monster explode into a few hundred chunks and sent bits of it raining down everywhere. “Well that spaghetti monster might not have been a big issue, but I still got rid of it and that proves that I can be a hero with the power of darkness!”
“Ollie, I’m just going to say this again, you’re really scary at times.” Stated a lambkin holding an umbrella surrounded by a variety of odd canines. The umbrella was keeping the splattered pasta monster off her and the dogs around her didn’t seem to care about the mess as they started picking at it. “That was also kind of… a little bit too much…”
If I were to think of who I would pay more attention to, it would be the lambkin.
“Oh my dear Ollie is not scary enough, SHE COULD BE MUCH SCARRIER!” The voice coming from the book had sounded soft at first, then it screamed out in an obvious demonic voice about its owner’s image like that. I think the book was far scarier than the pony wielding it. “So now that we’re done with our heroics for the day, CAN WE GO FIND THOSE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO FACE OUR MIGHT SO THAT WE MAY FEAST UPON THEM FOR DARING TO FACE US WITHOUT KNOWING THE CONSEQUENCES!”
I stand corrected, I would definitely pay more attention to the lambkin if it were not for the evil sounding book the unicorn wielded.
“Fred, stop freaking out everyone around us!” The unicorn presumably named Ollie stated as she blushed a little and shook the book violently. “I’m not entirely sure that we can take the Huoshan Guard, so keep your teasing to a minimal please!”
“Fine, I guess people are too easy to rile up these days, it’s like they’ve never heard of a talking demonic book before.” The one called Fred grumbled in a gentle stallion’s tone. Though that lead to the question, was it even anywhere close to being equine in nature? “Now that I’m not concentrating on making everyone in the given region wet themselves and flee from my mighty sounding voice, I sense a strange disturbance around here Ollie.”
“Can you pinpoint this strange disturbance Fred?” Ollie stated.
“Yes, it’s that parrot over there. There is something really odd about the world warping around her that I wish to know more about.” Sighing at the Fred’s words, I made my way over to them. The second I got close enough the book reeled back from me in the air. “HEAVENLY HOOF BOMBS, SHE’S CURSED! I, in my many years of existences before I was found and bound by the unicorns of light, DO NOT KNOW OF ANY BEING THAT CAN ACCOMPLISH CREATING THE HORRID KIND OF LUCK THAT BIRD HAS! IT’S MORE UNNATURAL THAN I AM, it’s kind of uncanny really.”
“You mean there’s someone that’s less fortunate than I am to have an entire pack of random familiars following me everywhere?” The lambkin was nuzzled and licked by the scarily large Canis Major, a faint smile could be seen on her face as she patted the dog’s nose. “I find that hard to believe Fred, also I’m kind of hungry Ollie.”
“Oh shush dear Pom, we’ll visit a restaurant soon enough. People are paying more attention to Fred and me, so stop worrying so much about you’re lovely group of mongrels and I mean that in the nicest of manners. So how is this parrot cursed Fred?” The mare asked of the dark angular looking red and black book, one that I now noted had half of a four eyed demon goat’s skull on it. “I need something to go off of here.”
“You know you could just ask me, I am standing right here and would likely know more about it than he does apparently.” Since I’ve lived with it all my life. “I’m a blackcap, but I’m also known as THE BLACKCAP. As far as curses go, I kind of like mine. Sure horrible luck is bad, but it’s always interesting to see what I’ll run into in the next five minutes and I do mean five minutes. At least it leaves me alone when I go to sleep.”
“Huh, your positively inspirational with how you don’t let adversity get to you! I am Oleander, but I like Ollie just the same.” The unicorn with the sharp pointy horn that was a bit paler than the rest of her turned to point to her friends. “That’s my best friend Fred, the guardian of dark knowledge. This right here is my good friend Pom and her menagerie of familiars.”
“Hello, I’m Captain Jacky Blackcap Chickadee La Perm, the unstoppable disaster… how exactly are you connected to Fred?” Depending on the answer I just may run in the opposite direction of the book. “By that I mean what exactly did you give up to keep him? I know things like him have a cost.”
“My hooves might be more goat like, my tail might have extended slightly and I will never get a cutie mark, but he has to be my special friend for the rest of his life and I get to look quite beautiful throughout that.” For the rest of his… well this unicorn was going to be around for a long time unless something destroys him. “Oh and don’t worry about Fred, he’s such a big softy.”
“Yep… Ollie got the better deal out of this and we’re actually really quite good friends, I SHOULD HAVE READ THE FINE PRINT!” After saying that the book went silent and bobbed in the air for a bit. “IT DOESN’T HELP THAT MANY THINK I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE TO ISSUE SUCH SHENANIGANS INTO OUR PACT! She’s actually more evil than most of the guys I can think of and she’s so damn cute about it.”
Ollie smiled brightly at the book.
“Say, you wouldn’t happen to have seen a cow or a reindeer around here would you?” Ollie asked me after giving Fred a friendly affectionate smile, after which she hugged the book to her chest tightly.
“I know of a Cow and Reindeer, don’t honestly know where they are now.” I looked between the three more intelligent beings as the many canine individuals continued to walk around licking tomato sauce off the ground.
“Are their names Arizona and Velvet by any chance?” Pom asked looking at me pleadingly with big eyes. “We’ve been following the trail of destruction they leave behind. Still don’t honestly know how they are strong enough to punch holes into that mountain in the shape of hearts. You would be a blessed help if you have any information on my friend’s whereabouts… well technically friends... I’m just a big coward.”
Ollie leaned over and nuzzled the lambkin, Pom’s face immediately turned red.
-Lower Tier, opposite side of the city, in a park, Savannah-
“You guys are a bunch of prudes!” I stated flatly while crossing my arms.
“Well excuse us for having a handle on our relationship Miss ‘The Wild’, but we do not seek or want assistance of any kind.” This Velvet really didn’t want me to use the sock puppets. I didn’t understand why, sock puppets were always fun learning aids! I never get to use them except when Nefer asks me to teach him some things, most of those said things were innocent in nature and not based around what I wanted to teach him. Flotsam would kill me if I taught Nefer anything lewd, as would Belfry, Gene and Jacky. “We’re taking things at our own pace and we like it that way!”
“Yeah, Velvet and I like our domestic abuse squabbles.” Okay so Arizona and Velvet had one of ‘those’ relationships. I never understood hate or angry ‘bedding’, but those two would likely become pros at it eventually. “Paprika even makes sure we don’t hurt each other too much and she’s going to stay innocent a little while longer if we have anything to say about it!”
Paprika seemed a little confused, but she just continued to snuggle against her wives and nodded along with their words.
“Fine, fine, but still… do you know anyone in the city looking for some ‘hot’ action like me Tianhuo?” There was a smirk on my face as Tianhuo groaned and rubbed at her head with her hooves, it told me a lot.
“No, and don’t you dare proposition a Huoshan Guard or else!” Tianhuo’s flaming mane, tail and wings were burning angrily. At least I had someone to tease for a while, which would be just as entertaining. “Now to continue the tour… and yes, I’ll get to the arena later so stop asking Arizona! This is a statue of our founding empress, she fell in love with a pony and gave her throne it up to another far weaker dragon on purpose. It shares some resemblance with some ‘Feast of Fire’ stories you hear from the dragons in the Dragon Lands. I have to ask, has Velvet recently increased her intake of food… she is looking a little ill from the heat and she needs the energy to keep her core body temperature lowered.”
“I’m fine, my wives and familiar forced me to eat more before we climbed the mountain by hoof.” Velvet was honestly friendly and Arizona challenged her often enough that they would never be bored with one another, but with Paprika they can actually relax and know when they are pushing each other too hard. They were a well-rounded herd.
I think they’d be fine, but they would need lessons eventually and I would be there!
-An hour or two later, Middle Tier, Huoshan Grill and Bar, Gene-
“Monster Dispel Grace, tries to kill my friends in haste, wastes holy powers.” Nodding to the fox, she then pointed to her friend with a tail. She was doing something else with her other two tails and I did not like the mischievous smile on her face. “Skeleton friend nice, she turns into bones at night, protect her I will.”
The average looking mare nodded then signed several things out to me as I kept the three chatting GODLESS agents in the corner of my right eye. After having been friends with Blade, I understood that this mare was named Skelly, that my brothers were around and that Dispel Grace guy was trying to destroy her soul outright.
“Isn’t it close to night?” My question made Skelly freeze, she looked panicked. Sweetcakes managed to calm her with a tail rubbing up and down her back. “Let’s just get up and go slowly, don’t look panicked and maybe I can get you to our ship so you can stay out trouble.”
Skelly nodded in acceptance, I paid the bartender for the regular drinks and we stood up to leave. I took a minor glance back at the three discussing their plans. I didn’t catch much of their conversation, but from what I did catch it sounded like Teatime had restocked on his mechanical pony golems and had some new tricks up his sleeves from last time.
Best to get my brother’s friend to the Ardent Survivor and do some scouting on the far side air docks to see what kind of ship they had parked there.
After we left and by the time Skelly and I arrived at The Ardent Survivor, Sweetcakes had wandered off before we noticed. As soon as night fell a minute or so later, Skelly turned into a relatively cute skeleton.
“Eh… you’re not as weird as some of the situations I’ve seen Jacky gets into, like Belfry here for instance.” Who knew a skeletal face can make such a nice and warm smile like that?
Belfry even accepted Skelly’s presence and let the skeleton pet him, he was fairly nonchalant about the living impaired thing when I thought most animals would be treating Skelly with wariness. His sense of normalcy must be broken, like everyone else in Jacky’s crew… which includes me as well.
A huge explosion happened at the bar in the distance, something tells me that I shouldn’t have let Sweetcakes out of my sight.
-Middle Tier, Huoshan Bar and Grill, Sweetcakes-
Let’s see, two bottles of alcohol, oil soaked rags, a hovering flame of kitsune-bi, a trip wire and I was prepared with my tengu fan.
As soon as the first GODLESS agent had stepped out, the area outside the bar was lit ablaze and I followed up by swinging the tengu fan with all I had!