//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: The Princess's Speech // by Tumbleweed //------------------------------// “Whoa Twilight. You look like crap.” “Hnuh?” Twilight Sparkle pried her eyes open, however unwillingly, to look up at the blue pegasus hovering above her bed. “Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here?” “Checking in on you!” Rainbow Dash circled around above Twilight in a way that made the princess of magic think of vultures. “You've been in Canterlot for a couple of days longer than you said you would, so I'm here to make sure you're okay and haven't been replaced by a changeling or a clone or something.” “Oh! Um. Thank you?” Twilight rolled out of bed-- and immediately regretted it, as several days of Luna's unorthodox training regimen caught up with her. “What time is it? What day is it? I'm sorry, I've ... I've been busy. But I'll be back in Ponyville before long, I promise.” Twilight hobbled over to her wardrobe mirror and set about combing her mane back into place. “Also I'm not a changeling or a clone.” “Are you sure?” Rainbow Dash rubbed at her chin as she peered at Twilight from behind. “You saw me sleeping, didn't you? A changeling wouldn't be able to hold the illusion while unconscious-- not to mention most of the changelings are reformed nowadays anyway –and a clone wouldn't have my memories, and therefore wouldn't know your name, Rainbow.” Twilight fought down the yawn that would have interrupted her lecture. “Okay, it's definitely you.” Rainbow Dash said. “But what's so important that you're stuck here in the palace all the time? Is it save-the-world kind of magic stuff? Because you know I'm always up for that.” “I know.” Twilight sighed, and turned to face her friend. “And trust me, if Equestria needed you, I'd tell you. But right now, I'm just ... working with Princess Luna.” “Working? On what?” “Elocution.” “Whoa.” Rainbow Dash held her hooves up to her mouth. “No wonder you look like crap. Did she make you lick a battery?” “Wait what?” “Or did she stick your hoof in a wall socket?” “My hoof in a--” Twilight shook her head, realizing she had not slept nearly enough for this. “Not electrocution, Rainbow. Elocution. Princess Luna has decided to help me with my ... diction.” “Whoa! Too much information there, Twilight. I didn't think you even had a--” “Rainbow!” Twilight snapped. “Get your mind out of the gutter!” “Sorry, sorry.” The pegasus retreated a few wingflaps. “I've just been hanging out with Fluttershy a lot lately.” “What Princess Luna has been helping me with is The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice.” By reflex, Twilight stood up straighter as she said it, but her voice cracked, failing to reach the proper window-rattling volume. “You mean that cool thing she does where she yells at you so loud it feels like your bones are gonna fall out?” “Yeah, that.” Twilight said. “She says that since I'm a princess now, it's something I need to learn. But ... “ “But?” Rainbow Dash canted her head to the side. “I can't do it!” Twilight said, admitting it more to herself than to her friend. “I mean ... I'm trying, but I just can't get it right. And I should! It's just talking really loud, you know? It should be simple, but every time I seem to miss the point and then Princess Luna throws me in a river. Or through a thundercloud. Or off a mountain.” “Brutal.” Rainbow Dash said. “And if I can't do something as simple as talk really loud ... then what if I'm really not cut out to be a princess to begin with?” Twilight said. “Whoa whoa whoa.” Rainbow Dash said. “Hold up there. I thought you were like, past this? I mean, look at you! You've got wings, Twilight. You've had them for years. And you wouldn't have them unless it was because of your magical friendship destiny or whatever. So you shut up with that 'oh I'm not worthy' junk, because you totally are!” “Thanks for the encouragement, Rainbow.” Twilight smiled, then wiped a wan tear from the corner of her eye. “But ... it's still frustrating, you know? Not to mention exhausting.” “That's because it's supposed to be.” “It is?” “Of course!” Rainbow Dash said. “It's just like Wonderbolt training, you know? You just break a pony down, bit by bit, so you can build them up again! Commander Spitfire says you're not really a Wonderbolt 'til you've broken down crying in the locker room at least once.” “Really?” Twilight blinked. “When did you--” “Anyway!” Rainbow Dash barged on. “Why don't you let me help out? Like, I'm really good at making lots of noise and stuff, right? It'll make things easier if you've got somebody going through the same process as you! And heck, how awesome would it be if I could do that scary shouty thing too?” “The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice is not some charlatan's trick.” Princess Luna strode through the doors to the guest chambers, which Rainbow had accidentally left open. “She never said it was?” Twilight said. “Yeah!” Rainbow Dash glided to the ground beside Twilight. “I don't even know how to charlatan!” “Sssh.” Twilight nudged her friend in the side, and then smiled over at Princess Luna. “What Rainbow Dash meant to say was ... well, she'd never use something so important as the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice in a trivial manner. In fact, uh-- wouldn't it be a good idea to train more than one pony? That way, you know, as a backup. In case I get sick or something-- that way Rainbow Dash can fill in in case I'm a little hoarse.” “You would delegate something as important as The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice to another pony?” “Well ... yes? Delegation is an important part of leadership-- and there aren't very many ponies who I trust more than Rainbow Dash.” “Very well.” Princess Luna turned an appraising look onto the prismatic pegasus. “But I warn you both-- this training shall be arduous indeed. This is not a path to be followed lightly, Rainbow Dash, for it could very well lead to your destruction.” “Cooooool.” Rainbow Dash said. “So when do we start?” And off they went. “Here.” A long teleport and a longer flight had brought them to the edge of a rocky orange desert. The steady, dull ache of exertion throbbed through Twilight's wings, though neither Princess Luna nor Rainbow Dash looked any worse for the wear. Undoubtedly, this was some sort of endurance exercise, Twilight concluded. One that thankfully seemed to be ending, as Luna led her two erstwhile students down into the shade of a steep-walled canyon. Gravel crunched beneath hooves as the three landed, and Twilight tried not to sigh in relief too loudly. “Oh oh oh, I get it!” Rainbow Dash said, bouncing on her hooves. “Lemme guess-- this is one of those where you can hear your yourself shout back if you do it right? Like this! ECHO!” The pegasus yelled loud enough to lift herself up off the canyon floor. “Echo. echo. echo,” came a faint, if not quite acoustically perfect response. Princess Luna arched a brow. “Your enthusiasm is commendable, Rainbow Dash-- but that is not why I have brought you here. Your assignment is a different one. A simpler one, even. You are two enter that cave--” Princess Luna pointed to a wide, jagged opening in the canyon wall, shielded from view by deep shadow. “--and speak with who you find inside.” “That's it?” Rainbow Dash blurted. “Indeed.” “Creepy haunted cave conversation. Got it.” Rainbow Dash reared up to fly inside, only for Twilight to catch her by the tail at the last moment. “Uh-- anything else we need to know?” Twilight said. “Like, um. Who's inside? What they want to talk about? Or literally anything else that might come in handy before we blindly walk into a dark cave we've never seen before?” “I'm certain you shall figure it out.” Princess Luna made a 'shoo'-ing motion with one hoof. “Now go. You still have much to learn.” “You heard the princess!” Rainbow Dash tugged her tail free of Twilight's grip, and plunged into the dark cave. “Rainbow!” Twilight nearly tripped over her own hooves in her haste to keep up. “Be careful!” “Why be careful, when you can be awes- OW!” “Rainbow! You're hurt!” Twilight followed the sound of her friend's voice, deeper into the cave. She lit the tip of her horn with a simple spell, casting the rough sandstone in clean, white light. It didn't take her long to find her friend sitting on the floor of the cave, rubbing at her face. “It's fine.” Rainbow Dash shook her head to clear it. “I just hit my face, that's all.” “I know it's the last thing you want to do, but could you please slow down? I mean, who knows what's in this cave?” “I think Princess Luna does.” Rainbow Dash said. “That's what I'm afraid of.” Twilight helped her friend back on her hooves, and then took the lead, walking down into the cave at a far more manageable pace. Every so often, she used a beam of magic to etch an arrow into the cave walls, showing which way they'd gone. The tunnels weaved and wandered, twisting in over themselves. “It can't be that bad!” Rainbow Dash said. “She just told us to go in and talk to somebody, that's all.” “Yeah, but who? What if there's a dragon living in here? Or a ghost? Or some other kind of monster?” “Then I could fight it and it would be totally sweet.” “Princess Luna didn't send us in to fight anyone, Rainbow. She told us to speak with who we find inside ... oh! Maybe it's a friendship lesson? We're really supposed to speak to each other?” “But we talk all the time!” Rainbow Dash said. “Okay, got me there. Unless ... maybe Luna wanted us to speak with who we find ... inside. Like ... inside ourselves? The darkness and isolation of this cave doesn't leave much of anyone else to talk to, not to mention the acoustic properties of the echoes ... the metaphor lines up. And it'd be pretty similar to the kinds of lessons Princess Luna has been trying to teach me. Except she hasn't pushed me off of anything just yet.” “I ran into a wall, does that count?” “Maybe.” “Cool.” Rainbow Dash sat down on the cave floor, and glanced around. “So we're just ... supposed to talk to ourselves, huh? That's easy. A little crazy, but easy.” She grinned, then splayed her wings out, using the light from Twilight's horn to make crude shadow-puppets upon the wall. “Hi there Rainbow Dash, how are you?” Puppet one said. “I'm totally freakin' awesome, Rainbow Dash. And so are you.” Puppet two went on. “Oh dude, how did you know?” “Because I am you! And I'm awesome! Which means you're awesome! Which means we're both awesome!” Rainbow Dash then stopped her puppet show so she could air-guitar. “Man, I think Princess Luna is onto something here.” Rainbow Dash said after a few mimed power chords. “I ... don't think that's what she had in mind.” Twilight said, carefully. “Just ... um ... relax, I guess? And ... breathe. That's it.” Twilight wasn't sure if she said it more for Rainbow's benefit or her own. She closed her eyes and pulled in a deep breath to steady herself-- it didn't wash the tired ache in her wings away, but it at least put things into perspective. If nothing else, at least she had one of her best friends with her, which made the training a little more manageable. Rainbow had been right in that respect (if little else). “We'll ... just have to figure things out. Somehow.” Rainbow Dash, in the meanwhile, stared at her (frustratingly boring) friend. “Are you sure it's gonna be deep inner dialogue stuff?” “It has to be.” Twilight said, attempting (and failing) to reach some sort of inner epiphany. “Then, uh, what's the giant snake here for?” Rainbow Dash said. “The what?” Twilight snapped her eyes open, applied some extra power to her light spell-- and found herself staring at the biggest serpent she'd ever seen. Its head took up the entirety of the tunnel, so big that Twilight could only focus on individual features, rather than the whole. Glowing eyes with slitted pupils. Glinting, knife-shaped fangs, just poking out from the snake's mouth. A forked tongue, thick as a fire-hose, flickering out to taste the air-- and graze over the tips of Twilight's wings. The snake hissed. Twilight screamed. Saber-long fangs glinted in the darkness as the enormous serpent struck. Still screaming, Twilight threw up a shield spell by reflex. The snake's teeth caught on the edge of the magical shield, propping the monster's mouth open to reveal its cavernous gullet. Still operating on reflex, Twilight grabbed hold of Rainbow Dash and triggered an emergency teleport. Magic flashed, and half a heartbeat later, Twilight found herself squinting against the midday sun. Luna's shadow fell over her as the Princess of the Night looked downward at the terrified pair. “And what have you learned, friend Twilight?” she asked. “Snake!” Twilight blurted. “Big snake!” As if on cue, the faint rustle of scales on rock echoed from within the cave as the serpent slithered out into the daylight. It reared up-- and up, and up, tall as one of Canterlot Palace's towers, dwarfing even Princess Luna with its bulk. “Hail, serpent.” The snake hissed, splaying its hood out to reveal itself as an enormous cobra. “Hath my student met you well?” “It tried to eat us!” Twilight said, still clutching Rainbow close in case she had to teleport again. Luna arched a brow. “I shall take that as a no.” The snake hissed again, but shrank back nonetheless. “What is the state of this world, that the Queen of Cobras forget the laws of hospitality?” The Queen of Cobras flicked her tongue, then narrowed her eyes, looking over to where Twilight and Rainbow still clung to each other, their terror giving way to simple befuddlement. “If her manners were remiss, then this is something I shall have to instruct her in. A task made more difficult if she were to be consumed. Regardless, I apologize for the intrusion, and bid you good day.” The giant snake turned its baleful gaze back onto Luna, gave a derisive snort. “I said, I bid you good day.” With that, the Queen of Cobras had enough, and slithered backwards into the cave, as smoothly as if somepony had set a film reel in reverse. “Uh.” Rainbow Dash spoke up once the tip of the Queen of Cobras' nose disappeared into the darkness. “What just happened?” “The queen--” Luna paused, then cleared her throat before continuing at a quieter (though no less authoritative) tone. “The Queen of Cobras-- like her subjects, is somewhat deaf. One needst use The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice to be heard. I had hoped you would be able to discover this for yourself, but perhaps my expectations were too high.” “Wait.” Twilight finally let go of Rainbow Dash, all the better to trot up towards Princess Luna. “Let me get this straight. You sent me, and my best friend, into a dark cave to meet a giant snake that tried to eat us, all because we didn't speak to it in The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice, which we both know I can't actually do?” “That is a correct summation, yes.” “Are you trying to kill me?” “I have no reason to, friend Twilight.” “Well you could've fooled me!” Twilight threw her hooves up in frustration. “You know what? I'm done. We're done. No more. I was fine when you pushed me into a river, I was fine when you embarrassed me in front of impressionable schoolchildren, but I'm drawing the line at giant snakes trying to eat me and my friends! If I'm going to be a Princess, I'm going to be my own princess, and the hell with anyone who says otherwise! I've gotten by so far without The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice, and I'll keep getting by without it! And if you don't like it, Luna, then you can just shut the buck up because I don't care anymore!” Twilight glared up at Princess Luna, sides heaving. Faint crackles of errant magic boiled away from her horn and wings, crackling in the air like ether-powered punctuation. The magic faded, however, as the echo of Twilight's voice rolled back from the other end of the canyon, still powerful enough to make the stone walls faintly tremble. “I'm ... I'm doing it, aren't I?” Princess Twilight Sparkle held a hoof up to her mouth, shocked. “The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice.” “This may be the coolest thing you've ever done.” Rainbow Dash said as she peeked up from behind a nearby boulder. Luna didn't bother concealing her smile. “And ahead of schedule, too.” “This has been your plan all along, hasn't it? You just kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing, until I finally got mad enough to talk ... like this?” “Indeed!" Princess Luna stood fast in the face of Twilight's hurricane-force projection. “And now that you have mastered this skill, we shall return to Canterlot to celebrate your victory!” “But ... I ... you-- ARGH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP MAKING SENSE!?” “'tis a curse, sometimes.” Luna said with a little shrug. “Okay fine. But ... one last thing.” Twilight shifted a little, stepping out of the furrows her hooves had dug in the gravel as the force of her shouting pushed her backwards. “How do I ... how do I turn this off?” “I'll teach you, in good time.” “Oh no you're going to put me in a crystal-ware shop so I'll break everything if I keep talking like this, aren't you? Or put me in the middle of a maternity ward so if I speak too loud I'll wake up all the babies and make them cry? Or ... or ... you'll make me talk to Fluttershy while I'm like this.” “I dunno, she might be into it.” Rainbow Dash said. “Rainbow!” “Where's the lie?” Rainbow Dash said, even as she tumbled end-over-end down the length of the canyon, propelled by the force of Twilight's voice. “Hah! You are wiser than your years, friend Twilight. I should have expected as much from my sister's favorite student. But enough palaver-- 'tis time to return to Canterlot, to celebrate! Just think, soon, every pony for leagues around shall know the comfort of your thunderous voice!” “That's what I'm afraid of.” And off they went.