//------------------------------// // Party Like It's 799 // Story: Anthology of Interest Two: The Sequel // by Sleipnirs Foal //------------------------------// “Alright Princess Celestia, the machine is all set up and you can ask it a question.” Twilight reluctantly said, sliding back onto her bed. “Thank you Twilight.” Celestia walked up to the projector-like device and paused. Bringing a hoof to her chin she said. “Now, what to ask?” “Mayhapse we can see what would happen if you became corrupted with anger and madness?” Luna asked with goodnatured curiosity. “No, I've already put much thought into that scenario. Why else do you think I founded a school for all the most powerful unicorns in Equestria? Working together, those ponies would be capable of moving the sun and moon, not to mention defeat an evil alicorn.” Twilight was more than a little shocked at this revelation, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. After all, she had only ever seen her teacher surprised and unprepared once in her life. “I think I know what to ask.” The solar princess lowered her head to speak into the gramophone horn atop the 'What If' machine. “I love my little ponies, and I'm proud to be their leader, but sometimes I wonder: What if I wasn't a princess?” Celestia returned to her seat beside Twilight as the machine whirred to life. A flickering light escaped from the lens, and the ponies and Spike watched as images came to life on the film screen. ---------------------------------------------------- Party Like It's 799 Celestia was tired. Not tired of body, but tired of mind. For a thousand years she was the sole ruler of Equestra, and before that she ruled jointly with her sister for countless generations. She loved her little ponies, but being a leader was sometimes difficult to bear. She had no privacy, her days were commanded by a strict schedule, ponies expected her to fix even the littlest problems, and she had to deal with a gaggle of self important nobles. But the worst part was the paperwork: budgets and policies, treaties and trade agreements, laws that needed to be passed or vetoed, and endless requests for a 'moment of her time.' Yes, it was hard, but it was her duty and she'd perform it. She would remain princess, until her ponies asked her to step down, or somepony more worthy to rule appeared. Somepony appeared. With a flash of light and a distinct crack, Twilight Sparkle materialized before Celestia in the middle of the throne room. She was disheveled and out of breath, her mane and pelt were singed by the teleportation spell. Collapsing at the foot of the dais Twilight spoke between gasps, “Princess!... Trouble... Everfree Forest... magical anomaly... ambient magic draining... research... staff of Star Swirl... if in wrong hooves... bad stuff!” Despite her broken sentences, Celestia understood what Twilight was talking about. It seems the mare observed a strange magical anomaly present in the Everfree Forest. Something was draining the ambient magic that naturally occurs throughout Equestria. Ever studious, Twilight researched what could be causing this phenomenon, and came across the story of the Staff of Stare Swirl the Bearded. Though assumed lost, the Staff had the ability to siphon surrounding magical energy into its unicorn bearer, thereby granting them nearly inexhaustible power. Twilight was right, in the wrong hooves the Staff could cause some very bad stuff. All this information cycled through Celestia's mind in a second, but right now there was something more important at hoof. The solar mare leapt from her throne to her student's side. Using her magic, she quickly snuffed out the smaller pony's smoldering mane, then scanned her for any injuries. The purple scholar appeared to be fine, she was just suffering from magical exhaustion. Upon seeing this an impossible thought crossed the princess' mind. “Twilight, did you teleport here all the way from Ponyville?” The unicorn simply nodded and said. “Couldn't find Spike to send a letter.” Despite the the dangerous situation, Celestia couldn't help but swell with pride at her student's accomplishment. The sun princess had been confident that her pupil would someday be able to teleport such a long distance, but she had expected it to take years. Twilight was something special. Gently lifting the purple pony onto her back, Celestia sent a mental message to her sister Luna, telling her to come at once to the throne room. If the Staff of Star Swirl had reemerged, it would take the Elements of Harmony and the celestial sisters to stop it. As she walked towards the door, a wisp of starry smoke appeared and coalesced into princess Luna. The sisters nodded to eachother, that seeming to be all that was needed to fill the lunar mare in on the details. Ready to depart, the sisters and a now sleeping Twilight moved to exit the castle. But before they could take their first steps, the throne room doors blew off their hinges in a clash of light and sound. Blue smoke blocked their vision until the silhouette of a pony came into view. All at once the smoke vanished, and standing in the princesses' path was a blue unicorn in a hat and cape, held in her magical grasp was a simple wooden pole. The mare spoke, “Bow before me! For I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!” The royal sisters stood stunned. They had prepared for the worst, but not this bad. Celestia was the first to recover, shielding Twilight with her wings, she asked, “Why have you come here, uninvited and unannounced, wielding a dangerous artifact capable of spreading destruction and woe?” “Isn't it obvious?” Trixie answered with something crossed between a smile and a sneer. “I've come to take my rightful place as ruler of Equestria.” Luna spoke now, “Fool! Thou art no leader of ponies, thou art but a conjurer of tricks. What makes you think you are qualified to rule?” “I'll show you.” Trixie's horn glowed bright, and the Staff matched it. Celestia and Luna could feel the control of the sun and moon forced from their grasp. Outside they saw the world darken and grow light again. Trixie single hoofedly moved the celestial orbs without the slightest effort. “As you can see, Trixie is now the most powerful pony alive. Trixie has taken the sun and moon, and she intends to take over the rule of Equestria. Do not worry, Trixie will be a wise and just leader.” Celestia couldn't tell which was more disorienting, losing her grip on the sun, or the mare in front of her slipping into the third person. Finally she spoke, “You want to be the new princess?” “Trixie prefers the title queen.” “You will take responsibility for the day and night, and will govern all the ponies?” “That is Trixie's intention.” Celestia and Luna looked at eachother, then back at the mare in front of them. Silently their decision was made. The sisters leaned back on their haunches, raising their forelegs in the air, together they let out a wild, “WOOHOOO!” “We're free!” “Huzza!” “We don't have to take care of the kingdom anymore!” “No more thankless work!” “No more paperwork!” “No more nobles!” “Woo! So long sucker!” The ex-royal pony sisters half danced, half galloped out the door, the unconscious Twilight still on Celestia's back. Trixie stood in silence, that had gone better than expected. The new Queen of Equestria ascended to her throne, taking a seat on the golden chair. This was going to be good. She was just about to call for a servant when one appeared next to her. “Servant, your queen requires refreshment, bring Trixie some nourishment.” “Yes your majesty. But first you must attend your meeting with the Cloudsdale Weather Commission concerning this years budget. Then there is a group of nobles who wish to discuss a tax break on polo mallets. After that you are scheduled to meet with the head of parliament to discuss the proposed changes to export regulations. When you have finished with that...” --=(O)=-- Twilight awoke with a pounding headache. She couldn't remember what happened last night, but she felt sick and exhausted. Assuming she must be hungover, the purple scholar checked to make sure none of her friends had wound up in bed with her. Seeing that she was alone in her room the mare only felt a little disappointed. Once out of bed, Twilight decided the first thing to be done was get rid of this headache. As she moved across the room, it felt like the whole house was throbbing. It was only when a guitar started to accompany the beat that the unicorn realizes the house was throbbing. There was a party in her own home, and she wasn't invited! While heading to the door to yell at her uninvited guests, the memories of yesterday came crashing back: the magical anomaly, the Staff of Star Swirl, teleporting to the castle. But what didn't register was why there was a party going on. Did they win? There was only one way to find out. The main room of the library was filled with ponies. All the furniture had been moved off to the side and someone had set up a DJ table, blasting music at the pain threshold. The walls were lined with kegs of cider and oat beer, and several bookshelves now held an assortment of wines, meads, and hard liquors. Ponies were dancing or having shouted conversations, but one pony in particular caught Twilight's eye. “Hey! Hey Pinkie Pie!” Celestia yelled to the poofy mare next to her. “Hey, check this out!” The former regent of the sun lifted an entire cider keg over her head, and proceeded to pour its contents down her throat. “Wooo!” Shouted Pinkie, waving her hooves in the air. “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” After finishing it off, Celestia pushed the wooden barrel against her forehead, crushing it into splinters. She rose her forehooves and let out a mighty “Yeah!” “Yeah!!” A muscular white pegasus with impossibly small wings responded. “YEAH!” “YEAH!!!” “YEAH!!” The solar mare gave off one more cry before socking the pegasus across the jaw with her hoof. The buff pony would remain unconscious in the reference section for the duration of the party. In a comparatively quiet corner of the room sat Luna and Fluttershy. “Oh my. Is she alright?” “I believe she will be fine, dear Fluttershy. My sister has just not had an opportunity to 'let off some steam' for several centuries.” The dark alicorn answered. “WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 799!” The two mares turned to see Celestia throw an empty tankard across the room and put a random pony in a headlock. “Although it seems she it trying to release millennia of tension in one night.” “Should we do something?” Asked a concerned Fluttershy, though she had no idea what could be done to stop a party mad deity. “No, I thing we should let her have her 'fun.' She will tire herself out eventually.” “Um, okay. If you say so.” “In fact, I think my sister has quite the right idea in embracing our new status to the fullest.” Luna said as a smirk crossed her lips. “So Fluttershy, dost thou want to 'make out?'” The timid mare didn't have a chance to answer before a pair of god-lips pressed against her own. When the two parted, Fluttershy only had time to let out a Meep! before being dragged off to another room by the moon mare. Twilight Sparkle was flabbergasted, she had never seen her mentor act this way. She ran down the stairs towards Celestia, intent on finding out what was going on. She shouted, “Princess!” Celestia turned with a smile. “Twilight! Come here you!” The sun pony caught Twilight up in a rib crushing hug. When she let go, the scholar took a gasping breath and asked, “What is going on here?” “Isn't it great? I haven't had this much fun since before I became a princess! Back when me and Luna would wandered around the world in the guise of wizards or warriors, helping pony societies in need.” Celestia answered, a look of nostalgia crossing her face. “I haven't partied like this since I was a champion of Charlemane's court!” “But why is there a party? Did somepony really find the Staff of Star Swirl? Is everything okay? Was there an epic pony battle that I slept through?” “Yeah, somepony found the Staff. She wanted to be the new ruler of Equestria, so me and Luna handed over our titles.” “YOU WHAT?!” Twilight's outburst was loud enough to get everyone's attention. Using her magic she blasted the DJ table and forcibly pushed all the guest out the door. “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?” Celestia looked a little sheepish, she wasn't used to being scolded. “Well, she could move the sun and moon on her own, that was the main reason Luna and I were given the job in the first place. And, she wanted the job and said she'd do it responsibly. Anypony who really wants to lead a country would know about all the work it takes before signing on.” --=(O)=-- In Canterlot castle, Trixie sat upon her throne of gold. “...After you have finished meeting with the griffon ambassador, you will have ten minutes for a light supper before raising the moon. Then the daily reports require your attention, which should take you to about 3:00 AM, giving you time for a full two hours of sleep. When you awake... --=(O)=-- “Princess Celestia, that's completely irresponsible of you!” Twilight admonished. “Technically, it's just Celestia now.” A hard glare was the only response Twilight gave. “I think you're worrying too much about this.” Celestia said while pulling a couch over and lying down. “After all, what's the worst that could happen?” --=(O)=-- “That is enough!” Trixie screamed, pounding the Staff of Star Swirl on the ground. “Trixie wants everyone out! This is Trixie's castle, and nopony else is allowed!” Using her increased power, the show mare teleported the entire population of the castle outside its gates. She then erected a shield spell to prevent any responsibility from sneaking back inside. --=(O)=-- Twilight's eye twitched. “I am going to go out for a while. Where are you staying?” “Well, I was hoping I could stay here.” Celestia gave here best pout and puppy-dog eyes. Twilight ground her teeth. “Fine. Just clean this mess up, and think about what you've done.” The unicorn left her home, slamming the door behind her. Any straggling ponies hoping the party would start up again took one look at the mare and bolted. Twilight needed to clear her head and think. Maybe Celestia was right, maybe everything really would work out. The pony passed a news stand, looking at the paper she chastised herself for being optimistic. Twilight burst back into the library, and was amazed to see that it was clean. She had no idea where the detritus of the rave had gone, and right now she didn't care. Celestia was still lounging on the couch, when the purple mare shoved the paper in her face. “Does this look like 'responsible' to you?” “New Queen Locks Herself In Castle, Ponies Concerned.” Celestia read the headline aloud. “Don't worry Twilight, there's a contingency plan for something like this.” Twilight just stared. “If the ruler of Equestria is unable to perform her duties, a counsel of senior representatives is chosen to act as the executive branch of the government. They work with parliament just like I would, to ensure things still run smoothly.” “Princess, that's insane!” Twilight cried. “You know perfectly well that the majority of the pony population is either stupid or completely clueless! Parliament can't make a single decision on their own, and now you're balancing them out with another group of old ponies with no concept of reality?” “Despite its accuracy, that's still not a very nice thing to say Twilight.” Celestia chided. “I don't give a flying feather about 'nice,' I'm trying to save Equestria from collapsing!” “It's only been one day, I'm sure the queen will come around.” “Ugh!” Twilight left the room containing her overly comfortable teacher. Kicking open a door she shouted. “Spike, I need you to-” Inside the room she entered was an embarrassed Princess Luna holding a disheveled, though not unhappy, Fluttershy. Twilight backed out and slowly closed the door with her magic. Moving to another room, Twilight cracked the door to peek in. There was Spike, recovering from the party. The magic mare burst inside and shouted. “Spike, we're going to Canterlot. Get me my coppies of 'How to Stage a Coup' and '101 Ways to Maim a Unicorn.'” --=(O)=-- The train ride to Canterlot was uneventful. Upon reaching the castle there were a few ponies who looked lost and confused, like they were waiting for someone to tell them what to do. Twilight ignored them and proceeded to the magical barrier. After casting a quick spell on herself, the mare walked through the shield and inside the keep. Entering the throne room (because 'How to Stage a Coup' said that the final standoff always happens in the throne room), Twilight encountered a blue pony sitting on the golden seat. “Twilight Sparkle, we meet again.” The pony said, lifting up the Staff. “I'm sorry, have we met?” Twilight asked. “Don't play coy with me. I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! And you are my arch nemesis!” “Trixie, Trixie...” Twilight said, tapping her chin in thought. “Where have I heard that name before? Oh! I remember! You were that show mare who came to Ponyville a couple years ago, right? When the Ursa Minor attacked?” “Fool! You humiliated Trixie, and drove her out of town! It was then that I swore that I would have my revenge. I would become the most powerful unicorn ever, and destroy you like you destroyed Trixie's reputation.” “Gee, I'm sorry you feel that way. I didn't mean to show you up or anything.” Apologized Twilight. “Your words mean nothing to Trixie!” “Well, I'm sorry for making you feel bad. But I'm still gonna kick your butt.” Twilight crouched down and set her horn alight. “Ha ha ha! You cannot defeat me, I hold the Staff of Star Swirl.” Trixie said as she levitated off the dais. “Did you just say, 'Ha ha ha' instead of actually laughing” “I am Queen Trixie, I can do whatever I like!” Trixie set up a shield around herself, then fired a blast of magic at Twilight. Ducking, the purple unicorn avoided having her face turned into a poinsettia. The mad queen shot wave after wave of magic at her opponent, but missed every time. At a pause in the attack, Twilight made her move and charged forward, horn glowing. Trixie smirked at the easy target, when suddenly Twilight disappeared, only to reappear behind her. Before she could fully turn around, Twilight's rear legs bucked out, meeting Trixie's side. The pretender queen was thrown back in pain. Twilight smiled and said, “Honorary member of the Apple Family.” “How?” Trixie moaned. “You only cast a shield against magical attacks, not physical ones. Stupid.” “You will pay for this!” Trixie struggled to her hooves and aimed her horn at Twilight. A display of illusory fireworks was all that the monarch summoned. “What? What's happening?” “Missing something?” Twilight held up the Staff of Star Swirl with her magic. As she was kicked across the room, Trixie had lost her grip on the precious artifact. “Give that to Trixie!” The blue mare screamed. “No.” Twilight answered, using the Staff to hit Trixie over the head. “Ow!” The show mare rubbed her forehead before the Staff came down for another strike. “Stop that!” Trixie turned to run, but the Staff kept pace with her, smacking her on the rump. Before she could leave the castle, Twilight cast a freeze spell on her, they could deal with her once order was restored. The exhausted Twilight sat down on the only seat in the room, the golden throne of the princess. The unicorn looked at the artifact in her grasp, realizing she held nigh infinite power. Then she remembered something Celestia had told her long ago: With great power comes great responsibility. At least she thought it was Celestia who said it, it may have been from a book. Looking at the Staff once more, Twilight Sparkle: Student of Celestia, Element of Magic, Savior of Equestria, and Most Powerful Unicorn to Ever Live, broke the Staff of Star Swirl in two. Things like that were better left lost to time. "So, did Twilight defeat the tyrant Trixie. And having no further concern, she reread a Daring Do novel, and ate some doughnuts. Tales of Twilight's victory spread far and wide across Equestria. Honor and fear were heaped upon her name and, in time, she became a princess by her own hoof... And this story shall also be told.” “Spike, cut that out!” Twilight shouted at her assistant. “I'll reorganize Celestia's schedules, and she can outsource some of her paperwork to me, but there's no way in Tartarus I'm gonna be a princess. Now take a letter: Dear Princess Celestia, Get off your lazy, sexy ass, and start running the country again. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle” ---------------------------------------------------- The 'What If' machine fell silent as the images on the screen faded. Everyone in the room turned to look at Celestia, who wore a slight blush. “Well, I hope my behavior in that scenario was at least a bit exaggerated, but it has been difficult being Princess all these years.” Celestia said, smiling to herself. “That was weird. But you're welcome to come to any Pinkie Pie Party.” Said Twilight. Then thinking it over for a moment. “As long as you don't party too hard.” “Yeah! You Princesses should totally come to more of my parties!” Pinkie Pie shouted, peeking in through a window. “Pinkie?! I thought I told you to leave!” Cried Twilight. “I did. I snuck into Rainbow Dash's house, but I got bored. So, I put her hoof in a glass of warm water as a prank, then came back here.” Twilight sighed and closed the window on her friend. “I am confused.” Said Princess Luna. “Why would moistening a pegasus' hooves be considered a source of merriment?”