“Great new, girls!” Twilight said, her wings buzzing like she was a little pegasus filly. “Remember last month, when we solved that stuffy businesspony's friendship problem and helped him reunite with his daughter?”
“Which one?” Rainbow asked. “That happened, like, twice. Plus three times last year.”
“The first one. Iron Rail.” Twilight paused. “And, we go on a lot of friendship adventures. There will be some repeats. I mean, there are only so many unique kinds of friendship problem. But, the point is, turns out he’s a railroad executive, and he was so grateful he offered us some tickets. We get a free vacation anywhere we want! First class travel, luxury hotels, everything.”
All the girls liked that. Pinkie sat up, Rarity cooed, Fluttershy smiled, and even Applejack took off her hat.
Starlight had a grin on her face. “So,” she asked, “where are we going?”
“Well, I know we all have places we want to go,” Twilight gestured around the room. “So there will probably be some differing opinions. So I thought, we should each write down our idea on a slip of paper, and put it in a hat, and we’ll draw one at random. The only rule is it has to be somewhere far away. We should take advantage of the opportunity while it’s here.”
Everypony agreed, and soon they were all writing destinations on little slips of paper. “I want to go to Constantineighple,” Twilight said, tossing her slip of paper in the hat. “The whole city is a work of art. It has libraries, museums, observatories.”
“And I’ve heard the food is divine,” Rarity agreed. “Oh, I shall be quite happy if yours is drawn, Twilight. But I must favor a slightly different destination. Neighjing! A chance to absorb the culture, the fashion, the elegance of one of the great civilizations of the world. It’s too much to pass up.”
Pinkie wanted to go to Saddle Arabia. Fluttershy wanted to go Yacoltsk. Rainbow Dash wanted to see San Ferneighdo. Applejack wanted to chase fillyhood tales of Timbucktu. And Starlight also put a slip of paper in.
Finally, when all the writing was done, Twilight shoot up the hat and drew out a single slip of paper. “Alright girls! We are going to see…”
She unfolded the slip. “Pony Lenin’s body.”
Silence hung in the room. Starlight was smiling ear to ear, beaming like a filly who just got a gold star.
“Uh, you know,” Applejack broke the stillness. “The gift was really for like, the girls? And I think that just means the six of us. So maybe…”
“Uh,” Starlight laughed a stiff laugh. “The seven of us, you mean. I’m part of the group.”
“Not the original group,” Fluttershy mumbled.
“I mean I’m part of the group now.”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Possibly, possibly, though, really, isn’t the group somewhat defined by, oh, you know. The elements of harmony? One star surrounded by five others. Like Twilight’s cutie mark.”
“You don’t have those anymore.”
“Yes, but in spirit—”
“Look,” Starlight planted a firm hoof on the table. “We’ve been over this. I’m the new Twilight. Twilight is the new Celestia. And Celestia is going to going back to Asgard or whatever. Which means that the next time there’s a friendship problem, and Twilight has to send the girls to deal with it, who is she sending?”
Starlight used a wide sweep of a hoof to encompass the room. “Mmm? Who?”
“You and the five of them,” Twilight mumbled, looking down at the table.
“Dang right.” She clapped a hoof on the floor. “And that means I am part of the group, that I won fair and square, and that we’re going to go see Pony Lenin’s body.”
After a long pause, Pinkie Pie asked, “Was he actually named ‘Pony Lenin’?”
Of course, he wasn’t. His name was Pony Ulyanov, but everypony knew him by his alias.
The trip across the sea was superb. The girls rode in luxurious train cars, had first class cabins on the fastest steam ships, and stayed in hotels so elegant and grand that Twilight slept on the floor because she was afraid to disturb any part of the decorations. At the Grand Lipizzian Hotel by the Masurian Lakes, Rarity had an affair with a stallion she met in the lobby, and later explained it didn’t count because he was a duke.
She also said that his wife was a pegasus so she was probably into it anyway, which did make breakfast with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash a bit awkward.
Eventually though, the journey was over. They arrived in Marescow, checked into the Grand Hotel off the main square, and after an early breakfast the next morning, set out to the mausoleum.
Starlight cried. Her eyes began to mist during the walk across the square, and her voice became thick and emotional. But it wasn’t until they actually saw the body that the waterworks started in earnest.
He didn’t look like much—a thin, frail little earth pony, with a wispy beard and a receding hairline. And yet, at the sight of him, Starlight sobbed into Twilight’s shoulder.
“Sorry, sorry,” she sniffled, blowing her nose into a tissue. “Oh, gosh, I’m making a scene.”
“It’s, um… alright,” Fluttershy said gently. “I mean, you really wanted to come here, right? We can all see this matters a lot to you.”
“It does.” Still sniffling, she gestured at the room around them. The interior of the mausoleum was a somber place. Made from dark stone, its walls were carved with subtle relief images and lines of text, while in its center rested a glass box containing the body itself. “There’s just so much… so much history here. So many things that mattered. So many things that still matter. Ponies lives changed forever.”
“I…” Applejack sighed. “I guess I can see that. And honestly, if it meant this much to you to come here, well. I’m sorry I gave you a hard time about it. You know, it was a fun trip, and you really are a part of—”
“Wait wait wait,” Twilight said, pushing Starlight off her shoulder. “Hold on. What’s this? What’s this right here?” She pointed at a section of carving on the wall.
“Oh.” Starlight squinted. “That says, ‘By his hoof, the monarchy was destroyed. May his spirit forever defend the people against those who would call themselves kings and princesses.’ It’s just, like, an epitaph.”
“I can read it, Starlight,” Twilight snapped. “But what’s this bit below it?”
Starlight looked closer, needing a moment to scan the stone. “I think that’s a carving of him ripping an alicorn’s wings off.”
They all peered. Twilight bit her lip. “I notice the alicorn has stars for a cutie mark.”
“Oh, yeah, no,” Applejack said. “Yeah, no, that’s definitely you, Twilight. See, that’s your crown on the ground right there, next to your um… wing stump?”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “It’s metaphorical.”
“It doesn’t feel like a metaphor.” Twilight pointed at another illustration. “Because that’s him sawing off my horn, and metaphors don’t usually have so much blood. Like, that is a graphic illustration.”
“Well, he’s dead, Twilight, so I don’t think you have much to worry about.”
“And what’s this bit here?” Twilight pointed at another section of text. “‘His influence extends beyond his death. Over untold generations he will watch, defender of the revolution, and eternal foe of tyrants.’”
“That’s a lovely sentiment.”
“It’s carved over some kind of sigil? Is that the elder sign?”
“Wow, okay, you’re being very unreasonable right now.” Starlight let out a snort. “I make a point of sharing something with you that’s very important to me, and even open up to you emotionally, and all you can do is make crazy accusations like that Pony Lenin is a lich who will one day rise from the grave to finally fulfill the prophecy and destroy alicorn rule forever.”
She looked at the body inside the glass case. For a long moment, so did everypony else.
“What’s taking so long?” she snapped at the corpse.
“Okay.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I’m going back to the hotel.”
It was a long and awkward trip back. They stayed in the same hotels. Applejack had an affair with a pony she met in the lobby, but it was one of her cousins so it didn’t count.
On the last leg of the trip back to Ponyville, Twilight sat next to Starlight in their luxury car. “We should talk.”
“Yeah. I uh… I got you a card at our last stop.”
Starlight handed the card over. It was a bright little thing made of pink and blue cardboard, the front adorned with the words, “I’m sorry my zombies tried to eat you. But hey...” When she turned it over, she found there was writing on the back, “At least they love you for your brains!”
It had a cute little illustration of a pony getting devoured by a horde of the shambling dead.
“They didn’t have any ‘lich’ cards,” Starlight explained. “I thought, that’s pretty close.”
“It’s, um. It’s in the right ballpark, at least.” Twilight sighed, lowering the card to look at Starlight. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“What’s going on…?” Twilight gestured at Starlight. “Over here? In this whole area? Like, do you want to be a part of the group? Do you really want to?”
“Yes, of course.” Starlight spread her hooves. “You all are significantly above-average friends.”
“That was so close to the right answer.”
“Come on.” Starlight put her head back against her chair. “I didn’t think he was actually going to kill you. You’re Twilight Sparkle. If he did rise from the grave to do battle with you, you’d sing a song about friendship and blast him with rainbows. That’s how you work.”
“I…” Twilight bit her lip. “I believe you, I suppose. You live in my house and I’m a heavy sleeper. If you wanted to hurt me, you didn’t have to go to this much trouble.”
“There, you see?” Starlight shrugged. “No worries.”
“But why?”
“Because that’s how I work, Twilight.” She leaned back and put up her hooves. “Because these things matter to me. Because I like messing with you. And because it was fun. I know I express it in strange ways, but really, I like you.”
“Well, I didn’t like this.” Twilight drew in a breath. “And I’m going to punish you.”
“Bring it.”
“I could imprison you in Tartarus.”
“I guess that’ll be nice. I’ll teach Cozy Glow about dialectical materialism.”
Twilight flinched and bit her lip. “I could blast you with rainbow power.”
“Oooh. That sounds like fun. Then I’ll be all syrupy and sweet and friendly and all, ‘hey Twilight, wanna go hang out at the park and work on my organic kale garden? I’m petitioning my co-op to do more to save the ozone layer from processed foods.’” She somehow managed to pronounce the words with little pink hearts scattered throughout them. Her voice was so saccharine it could induce tooth decay.
“Fine.” Twilight drew a shaking breath. “Then you leave me with no choice. I am an alicorn. I have powers beyond mortal ken. I can see into your very soul and uncover the true source of your pain. With the same power that lets me heal ponies, I can destroy them.”
“Hah.” Starlight snorted, folding one leg over the other. “Waddaya gonna do? Make me c—”
“Pony Lenin wouldn’t rise from the grave because he only rises to protect true Marxists,” Twilight snapped. “And you?” Her voice cracked like a whip. “You’re a revisionist.”
Starlight’s jaw fell open. Her eyes went wide. Twilight continued, “Our Town was all about equality, but it was one town. One community. You focused on building a perfect little utopia, but turned a blind eye to class struggle beyond your borders. And you know what we call that?”
“No.” Starlight’s voice was soft.
“‘Socialism In One Country,’” Twilight pulled a little red book out of her saddlebags, slapping it with a hoof. “I don’t remember reading about that anywhere in the manifesto, comrade. What happened to one world government? What happened to the dialectical struggle? Oh, you’re a Pony Lenin fangirl, but you’re not real Leninist. Not even close.”
Twilight leaned in, until she was muzzle to muzzle with Starlight. “And if the proletariat does ever rise against the bourgeois class, they won’t be led by a unicorn from a rich family who lives in a palace, class traitor.”
Starlight gaped. She stared. Her eyes had shrunk to pinpricks. “Boom!” Twilight shouted, spinning back in her chair. “I got you. All these years of you making trouble, and I totally got you. What do you say to that?”
Starlight let out a weak breath, turned away from Twilight, and stared down at the floor of the train car. “You’re right,” she finally said. “You’re right.”
“You better believe I’m right, poser.”
“I’ve talked about the revolution, but I haven’t lived up to my ideals,” her voice was soft. “I’ve just been using it as an excuse to act out, to engage in bad behavior, to mess with you for fun.”
“Mmhmm.” Twilight smacked her with a wing. “Glad to see you finally noticed.”
“I’m sorry.”
Twilight paused. A frown came over her face. “What?”
“I said, I’m sorry. I’ve been difficult. You’ve been very kind to me for a long time, and I’ve repaid you by making your life hard.” Starlight swallowed. “And I’m sorry.”
“I… um.” Twilight fluffed her wings, her eyes hesitantly hovering somewhere around Starlight’s shoulders. “Look, you… you didn’t mean any harm.”
“I kind of did.” She blew out a breath. “Wasn’t that your point?”
“You just… you need a good example.” She scooted over Starlight’s way. “I turned you from the path of evil, but that’s not enough. You need somepony in your life you look up to. Somepony you respect, who can teach you how to lead a better life.”
“Like a mentor?”
“Sure!” Twilight smiled. “Like Maud, or Starswirl, or maybe even…” With the tip of a hoof, she touched her own chest.
Then, the door at the back of the train car burst inwards. On the other side was an old, decaying pony in a turn of the century suit. His wizened body lurched forward, skin cracked, eyes lit from behind by unnatural blue fire.
“It’s Pony Lenin!” Twilight gasped.
“Senpai noticed me!” Starlight squealed.
“RAAAGH! DESTROY THEOCRATIC MONARCHY!”