//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 // Story: The Princess's Speech // by Tumbleweed //------------------------------// “Awaken, Twilight Sparkle!” The sheer force of Luna's voice woke Twilight in an instant, banishing vague dreams of a seraglio entirely populated by hardworking pastry chefs. Twilight flailed wings and hooves, tangling herself in the sheets before she rolled off the opposite side of the bed. “How are you up so early?” With bleary eyes, Twilight squinted at the first few rays of morning sunlight shining in through the window. “Technically, I am staying up late.” Luna said. “But do not worry for me-- I have taken a nap, and therefore I am rested.” “Must be nice.” Having been awoken so suddenly, Twilight's courtly decorum was the first to go. “It is! My brief respite was quite refreshing-- as I hope yours was!” “Do you have to talk so loud?” Twilight took refuge beneath a pillow. “I do! How else am I to set a proper example?” Luna boomed. “But ... um, what if you wake up someone else in the castle? Your voice kind of, um ... carries.” “Of course it does! That is the purpose of the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice, is it not? Why, the very sound of my voice-- or that of my sister –was once a welcome sound in these halls! To hear the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice was a comfort to ponies, letting them know their benevolent protectors were nearby!” “Was that what they told you?” “It was, yes.” “I see.” Twilight rubbed at her bleary eyes. “But ... um ... if it's all the same to you, it might be a little more comforting to be a just a teensy bit quieter? Please? I promise I'll study the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice as soon as I'm fully awake.” “Very well.” Princess Luna toned herself back to a more modest boom, the sort that only shook windows instead of shattering them. “But pay attention, friend Twilight! For you have much to learn in a short span of time. Tally ho!” And off they went. “To speak is to breathe.” Luna said. Despite her earlier exuberance, the first place she took Twilight was downright peaceful. Luna flew on for about half an hour before she circled down to land on an empty dock, jutting out into a bend of the Reine river. Apart from the dock, there was no immediate sign of civilization's hoof-- trees on either side of the wide blue river blocked Twilight's line of sight, leaving nothing but a quiet, sleepy morning on the river. Fish flopped about in the slow-moving water, and literal early-birds began to tweet and sing. Whether or not said birds got the worm was a matter of debate. Luna's hooves clicked softly against the aged wood of the dock as she landed and walked to the end. Twilight followed-- more or less awake at this point (if sorely decaffeinated). “Without proper breathing technique, you shall never muster the strength to truly harness the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice. Thus, your lessons start here.” “Right!” Twilight nodded. Even though she'd been rudely awakened less than an hour ago, the opportunity to learn (not to mention her innate need to place first in any class) took precedent over whatever fatigue or indignation she might have felt. “So ... what should I do?” Luna closed her eyes. “Breathe.” “Oh. Um. Okay.” Twilight said, and did just that. She pulled a deep breath in through her nose, drawing in the wet, grassy scent of the Reine river. She exhaled through her mouth, then repeated the process, getting into a slow, instinctive rhythm. She glanced at Luna from the corner of her eye. The Princess of Dreams and Darkness remained still, save for the subtle rise and fall of her sides as she just ... stood there. Twilight did the same. Before long, Twilight had to admit that Luna might just be on to something. She'd woken Twilight (along with most of the rest of Canterlot palace) early enough that the river-- that all of Equestria, likely –was still trapped in the stillness of dawn. For the first time in ages, Twilight realized she didn't have any checklists to review or schedules to follow. All she had to do was stand there and ... breathe. “You know,” Twilight blithely broke the brief silence. “This is a lot easier than I thought it would be.” “What is?” Luna cracked one eye open to peer sidelong at Twilight. “Breathing.” Twilight said. “That's ... what you told me to do, isn't it?” “Indeed it is. So breathe.” Luna said, and shoved Twilight off of the dock. Twilight yelped in alarm. One moment she was standing placidly, doing her best to follow Luna's lesson, and the next, she ... wasn't. She splayed her wings out, awkward, but the dock sat low enough to the river that she had no time to properly take flight. Twilight hit the river in an awkward splash, a noseful of cold, fishy-smelling water flowing up both nostrils. As Twilight sank down towards the bottom of the Reine, she found an odd sort of contentment in the realization she had several options. A force bubble to hold breathable air around her head would be the simplest solution. Alternately, she could go a more elegant route, and attempt a full-body transmogrification into a seapony (riverpony?). Though, Twilight realized, that sort of magic was a lot harder without Queen Novo's help-- Twilight decided on a short-range teleport, instead. Princess Luna didn't flinch as Twilight materialized next to her in a burst of magic, though she did take a polite step back, shielding herself from the ensuing splash of water with an upraised wing. “What was that for?!” Twilight said once she'd sneezed most of the riverwater from her nose. “I could have drowned!” “Could you?” Luna said, prim. “But I thought you said breathing was easy.” “I-- oh.” Twilight sputtered. Deflated. “Oh.” “My sister was right about you. You learn quickly.” Luna smiled, and shook a few droplets of errant riverwater from the tips of her feathers. “To properly speak with The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice-- one must master one's breathing. Maximize it. Optimize it. So that every breath is unto the first gulp of air you take upon emerging from the water. Only then will you be able to maintain sufficient volume.” “Why did you have to have a point?” Twilight groaned, and shook water off of her coat in a downright canine fashion. A small green frog hopped out of her mane, landing back in the river with a 'plonk.' “Is it all going to be like this?” “Like what?” “You know, like ... this. I mean, I've read about this kind of thing before.” Twilight looked up at Luna. “The master takes the student out on a bunch of seemingly innocuous activities and teaches lessons through various kinds of mindless chores and/or creative but arguably sadistic exercises and somehow that's enough to impart the lesson. Like in Daring Do and the Secret of the 36 Chambers, y'know?” “I'm not familiar with it.” “I'll loan you a copy sometime.” Twilight said. “And in return, um ... could we just kind of ... skip the rest of the bits where you throw me off of things so you can make your point? I mean, uh, I kind of respond a little bit better to a classroom setting. Not to mention that I thought something like the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice would just involve stuff like ... diction, y'know? Speaking from the diaphragm, that sort of thing? Could we focus on that? Please?” “Very well.” Luna said, with the faintest hint of a shrug. “I shall be happy to take an approach that better suits your preferences. Now come, your feathers should dry out by the time we reach the palace.” And off they went. “Page twenty six.” Luna said. This was more like it. Obligingly, Twilight opened the thin book to the indicated page. She knew she was learning something, because Luna was finally using proper research material. Of course, Daisy Doggerel’s Book of Rhymes, Jokes, and Tongue Twisters (abridged), wasn't the first title Twilight would have picked as a textbook, but it still had some merit. And so, Twilight cleared her throat, and read the words aloud, taking special care to perfectly enunciate each syllable. “A box of biscuits, a box of mixed biscuits, and a biscuit mixer.” Twilight's voice carried through the otherwise empty ballroom. The long table was gone, along with the decadent cookies, though Twilight wasn't sure if she should have been relieved about the fact or not. Still, she had lessons to concentrate on-- ones that were far more compelling than getting pushed into a river. “Good, good.” Luna said with an approving nod. “Now, page sixteen.” “If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does he choose?” “Page forty two.” “To begin to toboggan, first buy a toboggan, but don't buy too big a toboggan. Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.” “You are doing quite well, Twilight.” “Thank you?” Twilight took a moment to stretch her jaw out a little. “I have to say, this is more of what I had in mind when you said you were going to give me speech lessons.” “Indeed.” Luna said, slightly less imperious than usual. Slightly. “In such a case, I wonder if you're ready to demonstrate your progress?” She waved one hoof airily-- and as if on cue, the doors at the end of the hall opened up, revealing a harried-looking unicorn pony at the head of a small gaggle of rambunctious foals and fillies. “Allow me to introduce Miss Bookbinder, and her third grade class. They've come to the palace on a field trip.” “Oh! Hello!” Twilight waved a hoof, cheery. “Nice to meet you!” “Hi Princess Twilight.” Miss Bookbinder's third grade class unisoned. The children gently jostled against each other, half of them trying to get a better look at Twilight, while the other half tried to put the more curious ponies between themselves and Princess Luna. “You have come at a fortuitous time.” Princess Luna kept her voice down to a low rumble. “Princess Twilight is practicing her pronunciation-- would you care to hear what she has to say, class?” “Yaaaay!” Cheered Miss Bookbinder's third grade class. “Princess Twilight, page thirty seven.” Luna said. “Sure!” Twilight nodded, turned to the indicated page, ran her eyes over the words-- --and stopped. “Um. Princess Luna?” Twilight splayed her ears back. “Are you ... sure you meant page thirty seven?” “I am certain.” “Are you?” Twilight squeaked. “I mean, uh-- I'm sure Miss Bookbinder and her class would like to see something other than a ... speech lesson. Like, uh ... the library? The gardens? The kitchens? Literally anything else?” “Read. The. Page.” Twilight looked between the adoring gazes of Miss Bookbinder's students and the stern, teacher's glare of Princess Luna, and did her best to ignore the rapidly rising flush to her cheeks. She grit her teeth, forced a smile. She took a moment to breathe-- several, actually, but sadly there no sudden natural disaster or marauding magical monster to interrupt her. Seeing no other means of escape, Twilight cleared her throat, and read the listed tongue twister as clearly and carefully as she could. “I am a pleasant pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants. I am the most pleasant pheasant plucker to ever pluck a mother pheasant.” Miss Bookbinder gasped. Her students cheered. Luna smiled. “Okay thanks for listening but I should be going now bye!” Twilight rattled off, and immediately teleported away before any of the third graders could repeat the tongue twister and/or start asking inconvenient questions. No sooner had the haze of teleportation magic cleared, there came another hiss-snap of spellbound energy, and Princess Luna materialized next to Twilight Sparkle. “I expected you'd retreat to the library.” Princess Luna said as she glanced around the empty stacks. “Now, are you ready to continue your training?” “Continue? Continue?” Twilight's cheeks turned scarlet. “Do you know how embarrassing that was?” “I don't see any reason why it should be.” Princess Luna shrugged, faintly. “You spoke passably well.” “But it was ... it was inappropriate! Do you know how many angry letters those parents are going to send once their children go home and start repeating that ... that ... whatever that was? Heck, I should write an angry letter! To you! Right now!” Twilight started looking for pen and paper. “If some childish mischief is the worst Miss Bookbinder has to worry about today, then she is lucky. The same can be said for you, Twilight. You may master The Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice sooner than I anticipated.” Luna's words set a few of the older bookshelves to shaking, and neatly “So I can teach children swear words?” “So you may speak, Twilight.” Luna said. “Consider this practice-- today, all you have to worry about is a handful of fillies, in a matter of ultimately no importance. But, in a crisis, lives-- nay, the fate of all Equestria –may hang in the balance. When you speak with the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice, there must be no question as to what you have said. Each and every word must be pronounced clearly, perfectly, so there is no question as to your intention.” “Oh no.” Twilight groaned, slumped into a nearby chair, and massaged her temples. “You're making sense again. You've really thought all this through, haven't you?” “Of course I have. Now, are you ready to resume your studies?” “I ... guess so?” Twilight managed. “But ... if the alternative is traumatizing Miss Bookbinder's third grade class ... I think we can just go back to the part where you push me into the river.” “Very well.” Luna said. And off they went.