Many Weeks Ago...
“Phew! That should do it.” Cracked Inkwell said, stretching his hooves from his typewriter. “I think that should be-” a staccato series of knocks interrupted his train of thought.
Groaning, he set the typewriter aside and got off from his bed, “What is it? I thought dinner wasn’t until-” by the time he answered his bedroom door, whatever he was about to say died at who was standing in front of him. “What the-”
“Hey, sorry for dropping in like this.” Discord told him, wearing an army helmet and football shoulder pads, before diving under the bed. “But I really need to talk to you right about now.”
“Discord? How- Why are you-”
“It’s about the next lesson coming up.” He said, peeking from underneath the black and gold comforter. “It’s the one about… Ocellus.”
Cracked blinked. “You mean about the one with ide-”
Discord hastily shushed him. “Dude! Keep your voice down, you’re going to get your readers spooked.”
Another blinked. “Why would they get spooked?”
The Ex-Lord of Chaos looked around the tiny orange room as if expecting to find something to suggest someone was listening. “It’s about how you’re going to tackle it. I mean, I get she’s a Changeling and it’s fact that she can change into pretty much anything. But… are you sure you wanna tackle the… you-know-what issue?”
The author rolled his eyes. “I have a little more faith that my readers are mature enough to handle something like this. Besides, I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t try to address it, someone eventually would point out and question how come I didn’t at least try to talk about it.”
“In this political climate? Are you suicidal?!”
“No! I told you, I hate politics and you know me that I’d never speak about my political views. I know that it’s impossible to do so anyway. So, trust me, I know how to tackle it in a smart, mature way that’s fun at the same time.”
“Well, I hope you got yourself a bunker somewhere because you’re gonna need it.” Discord remarked. “Are you sure I can’t talk you out of it? Perhaps do the next lesson with Sandbar or Rainbow Dash.”
But the author shook his head. “No, hard stuff first, then the rest.”
“Well in that case, here,” Discord pulled out a funeral wreath from underneath the bed, “don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He said before vanishing into the darkness of the bed.
Now Back to the Present...
When I am not teaching class, having guys night, having tea with Fluttershy or turning Celestia’s mane into a toothpaste commercial, I tend to entertain myself within my office. Sure, Twilight may have told me clearly that the teachers don’t have offices, but I made one for myself anyway. It’s filled with the most essential stuff such as a Stop sign forest for zip lines; a Mt. Kahuna jacuzzi; an art gallery and studio full of the most the most embarrassing and incriminating moments of Celestia’s life that could easily be used as blackmail when I feel like it; an ocean of huckleberry soda; Walla Walla Washington; and a relaxing library of books that haven’t been written yet.
Hmm… On second thought I could install the entirety of the Oregon coast just to annoy the author on vaca-
My thought process for redecorating was interrupted with a couple of sharp knocks. My ear conjured up a door. “It’s open,” I said as the newly installed door opened up. It opened to where a blue Changeling stepped through. “Ah! Ocellus the Encyclopedia! Just what I need! Do you think this office needs a chair that has a throne made out of swords or one that has a pile of plastic doll heads?”
The Changeling blinked. “Am I interrupting you?”
“Hmm… No, neither one would do. Either one would be too intimidating. Perhaps what I need is a distraction,” I quickly turned around to her, “quick! Distract me with something!”
She blinked again. “Okay… Uh, I was hoping I could talk to you before heading back home for the break. I tried talking with Starlight, but she wasn’t much help so I was hoping that maybe you could be more… well… useful.”
“Oh? What’s this? A problem that Ms. Know-it-all doesn’t know? I’m intrigued. What sort of problem do you have in particular?”
“Well, since Starlight’s council has failed, I was hoping that maybe your view with Philosophy might give me some perspective.”
“That being…?”
Ocellus sat down. “Who am I?”
There was a pause between us. “Uh… mind clarifying a bit?”
“I mean… it’s not that I don’t know my own biography, I know painfully well about my past. But lately, with me being able to change into anyone and anything, I’m getting worried, what if I change so much that I don’t have a clue who I am anymore? Even with all these transformations into pretty much anything, what still makes me… well… me? Does my mind remain the same even if I turn into… let’s say… Sandbar? If it’s not my mind and memories, my species, my gender, or even my own body – then what? How do I know who I am? I know your lesson with Haycartes is the whole ‘I think, therefore I am’ thing, but if that too isn’t what makes me… me, then what? If I’m not any of those things, then who in the world am I?”
Another even longer pauses between us. “You do realize what you’re asking of me, right?” She nodded. “No, you don’t, you’re talking about trying to explain to you an idea that’s been in fierce debate since the beginning of Philosophy itself – several centuries, in fact – and you think that they would give you a straight answer to your question?”
She shook her head, “I’m not looking for a straight answer, Mr. Discord. I’m just hoping to get some sort of clue as to know what makes this here,” she waved a hoof at herself, “Ocellus. Maybe you don’t know either, but maybe you may have some perspective on something that’s been bothering me.”
Freezing time, I looked at the ceiling. “Hey, Author! Are you absolutely sure I can’t convince you in any way to set this lesson aside for another day? Forget about the politics, this is alone is a really deep rabbit hole that I don’t know I might be able to come back from.”
Hey, don’t be like that. If there’s any force in any universe that could not only give that needed perspective but condense centuries of debate into a single chapter and in plain English, it’s you, Mr. Discord.
“But how!? How do you expect me to do that? Even I don’t know how!”
Look to your student, perhaps the cause of all of this might also be the solution.
At first, I didn’t quite understand what the author meant by that cryptic statement. However, looking back at the pleading look of the Changeling, it dawned on me. There was, in fact, a way to do it. There was a way to answer this – but at the same time, I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
Once time has been unfrozen, I told her, “With that, I believe there is a way to help answer that… but we’re not going to like it.”
“What?”
“No, we’re really are not going to like it.”
“What is it?”
I took in a deep breath. “I think the best way to tackle that question, is to allow me to go inside your mind.”
She froze, “What!”
“I know, but listen, there’s no creature or force in this universe that could answer the question of ‘Who am I’ better than you can. And the only way to help answer that is to allow me to be a sort of explorer, to find if there was any way to do the impossible. However, even then, if I do enter your mind, I’m afraid I would be powerless there.”
“Huh? Why not?”
“While I could rewire someone’s brain into thinking they’re this or that, it’s another thing when you’re actually inside. Everyone’s mind is a dimension of their own, one that’s so chaotic that my powers are canceled out, and they could do whatever they want with me if I’m in there. The last time I tried that, a certain blue alicorn whipped me until next Thursday – literally. At the same time, with me being inside your head, that means that I’m prone to learning stuff you don’t want anyone else to know. So even if you agree to do this, it would be a risk. But hey,” I shrugged, “if it kills an afternoon, I’m game.”
Ocellus thought over carefully of this proposal; weighing the options in her mind as if facing a very difficult true or false question. “I… If you think it would help.”
“I didn’t say that it would solve your problem, but just giving you a perspective on how to see it.”
“As you’ve said. But I’m willing to go through it if it’s alright with you.”
After I made time freeze again, I looked up to the sky. “Are you absolutely sure about this?”
Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
I muttered how dumb this is under my breath before turning back to the Changeling. After instructing her to just relax as much as possible and touching her forehead with the very tip of my talon, I closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and everything turned white.
Going inside someone’s mind is like opening up a mystery box from a toy store, you just don’t know what you’re going to get inside. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what I would be seeing from Ocellus. Maybe a hive, a library, a museum, some underground dance club. But no, when the white faded, the only thing I found was a landscape that was completely ripped open. Only, not in a fun way but more of a careless, brutish way. There were rolling hills, but everywhere was mud and trees burnt to a crisp. There were trenches before me, of barbed wire and explosions. Here, screams of battle cries and pain, there an unconscious Ocellus, and over…
I looked back to my student, lying face up in the mud. Immediately, I ran over. “Ocellus!” I screamed. “Ocellus, wake up!” She stirred this way and that, thankfully her eyes opened and sat herself up. “Are you alright?” I asked.
“Wha…?”
“Are you okay?”
Ocellus blinked as she looked around, “The hay am I?”
This confused me as I tilted my head. “Wow, this is serious, you don’t even know your own mind.”
“What!” She looked at the raging battlefield. “This is my mind?! Why is it like this?”
“I think this is an obvious metaphor where you are with war with yourself. This questioning about your own identity has been taken up to the level of trench warfare. These questions are taking sides and are doing battle.” I reached to scratch my head, but then it was stopped when I felt a helmet on my head. Blinking, I looked into a muddy pond for my reflection to realize that I had clothes on for once. This time, I was dressed in white, had a tin-can helmet that had a red cross on it.
Oh great, in this one I’m a nurse.
“Mr. Discord, what do we do?”
“What else?” I told her, tilting my helmet. “Let’s go ask them what the fuss is all about.”
“But,” Ocellus flew in front of me before I could take a step, “what if you get hurt? Did you say that this would be a risk for you since you don’t have powers here?”
“Yes, but where’s the fun in straying away like this.”
“I thought you said this would be a bad idea?”
“It may be a bad idea, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. Now come along!” I said as I took the lead towards the battlefield. My student sighed but followed close behind me.
We walked down from the hill and it didn’t take long to find the entrance into one of the trenches. The further we went, the noisier it got as the intense noises of battle rang out. Of course, the two of us had to be careful as we jumped over the mud, kept our heads low from the artillery fire, trying to make sure not to get caught among the barbed wire, and making decisions as to where to go given how maze-like the trench we entered was.
It was grim, but it could be worse, mom could be here.
“Where are we going?” Ocellus asked.
“I think if we’re going to find any answers, we have to go to the source of the conflict,” I told her. “Then we can find out what this civil war is all about.”
Several minutes later, we finally found the source of the noise. Running around carrying crossbows and grenades were dozens upon dozens of Ocellus’s in orange uniform. Just what I expected. But unlike the original blue Changing, these were gray and all of them looked alike. At first, the copies didn’t notice us until one of them in an important-looking uniform pulled her aside.
“General Ocellus, thanks Goddesses you’re here! This is a lot worse than I thought.”
“General?” the original Ocellus asked. The other Changeling nodded. “Then… who are you?”
“Colonel Ocellus, ma’am,” she answered. “I will not lie, ma’am, the situation for us is desperate. Some guidance from you would be very useful to us. Come, I’ll show you what has been going on so far.” She pulled her into a hole which leads to what looked like a map room, the other Ocellus’s saluted. I followed them in. “We’ve been trying to hold onto our position as long as we could. But the Mind-Over-Body Army, the Performance by Society Army, and the Identity by Personality Army has been bombarding us nonstop. Be we have located them here, here, and here.” The Colonel said, pointed out on the map where the other armies were. “We have been enduring as long as we could, but the troops are showing low morale as we don’t have a good enough tactic to counteract these attacks.”
“So… What army is this then?”
The other Ocellus’s giggled.
“Oh come on, General,” the Colonel said, “We’re the Body-over-Mind Army. The absolute worthy argument to answer the big question.”
“And… that would be?”
“Why, ‘Who is Ocellus,’ of course! We have been fighting this war forever since Ocellus had begun to ask the question. Even though, we, of course, know of the correct answer, many others disagreed and have taken up arms to settle this once and for all. Which is why we’re so glad you came! With you here, you can use your skills to finally settle that we are right, and they are wrong.”
“Umm…” Ocellus backed up to where I was and whispered. “Mr. Discord, what they hay are they talking about? What’s the body over mind thing?”
Thinking for a moment, an idea sledgehammered into my head and I approached the other Ocellus’s. “Ladies, I am from a neutral party, and it seems that the General is rather lost in this. So perhaps I should help refresh her with what you represent by giving all of you a fresh look at what you’re fighting for.”
The other clones agreed that this was a good idea so they let me proceed.
“Unless I’m mistaken, this army is fighting for the argument that the body you’re given from birth till’ death makes up you?” They nodded. “Basically, they believe that the entire identity that makes up you can be summed up by what you can physically touch and see. From the face you’re born with to what your reproductive organs are, these, they believe are what you as Ocellus should be.”
“It is the noblest of arguments,” the Colonel in orange nodded, “after all, even when Ocellus doesn’t change into anything else but her natural form, it is the very thing that every creature judges you on, right? I mean, faces alone confirm this.”
“What do you mean?” the real Ocellus asked.
“Well, if you look at someone who say… look like this,” in a flash of yellow fire – interestingly not green like hers – the Colonel changed into an ape-like monstrosity with overgrown fur, large white tusks, and irises of lizards that stared down at her, “would you think of anything else but a monster? Or this one,” she changed into the pony that she recognized as I-swear-I’m-not-a-trotzi Chancellor Neighsay, “would you think that there would be an ounce of compassion in this form?” The Colonel changed back. “Or even this face? When you look at it, do you really see an intelligent girl that doesn’t want to fight?”
“But… Appearances can’t be everything. I mean, look at him,” she pointed to me, “he may look intimidating but once you get to know him-”
“That’s the point,” the Colonel said. “General, don’t you get it? Everycreature, even Changelings, are prone to judge by first appearances. I mean, you just said out loud that he’s intimidating. You know that Discord was turned into stone – twice – and why? Because they were afraid of him, not just what he could do, but because of how… strange he looked. However, if he made his first appearance as say… a gorgeous looking Stallion, no one would raise an eyebrow. Or even, how ponies reacted when we looked like this…” For a moment, the Colonel transformed into a black Changeling in which her hooves were filled with holes before changing back.
Ouch Ocellus…
The original Ocellus scratched her head. “Well… I see your point but…”
Intrigued, I pressed on to hear what she was thinking.
With suspicious eyes staring at her, Ocellus looked up at the Colonel and said: “Theseus.”
Ah… clever girl.
The other her tilted her head. “What the hay are you talking about?”
“Once upon a time, long ago, there was once a King called Theseus, who after defeating a monster, decided to return home the long way on his ship to announce his great deed. When he returned to his homeland, the citizens there decided to honor him for what he had done by trying their best to maintain the ship he returned in. For a thousand years, they took good care of the ship, and even reenacted the voyage to honor his memory. However, whenever a part of the ship was worn or damaged, it was replaced with an identical piece with the same material it was made out of. Piece by piece, plank by plank, nail by nail, everything on the ship was eventually replaced to the point where not a single part of it had any of the original material that Theseus sailed on.”
“That’s a nice story, but what does that have to do with us?”
“If she’s right,” I said as an explosion from outside shook the room. “I believe she’s saying that there’s a flaw in your argument. Do you know that for a Changeling, your chitin gets replaced every so often, your blood cells filter out every couple of months, and even your limbs are being remodeled every second? If your argument is true, then you’re not the same Ocellus as you were when you were hatched.”
“Not just that,” the original Ocellus said as the bunker shook, “what if I lose a body part? Like… My wings, if I lose them, would I still be me?”
“Well… y-yes…” the Colonel replied rather sheepishly.
“Or if I lose my hoof? Am I still me?”
“Yes?”
The Original Ocellus stepped forward at the table in thought. “What about this: what if Mr. Discord were to tell me that I’ll lose every part of my body except for one, and that one I can keep. What would that be?”
Tempting, but I don’t think I would do-
“It would be the brain of course.”
“Okay, but what part?” Another, much louder explosion shook the bunker. “What if I lose the bit that allowed me to change, or knows what my name was, or be able to recall every book I’ve read, would that still be me?”
“B-But… You still need your brain! Without it, who are you?”
“Hold on,” I interjected, “didn’t you a moment ago say that you need your whole body to be yourself?”
The Colonel looked nervous as the explosions sound like they were getting closer. “General, what are you doing?”
“We’re pointing out how dumb this is.” Ocellus said.
“No! You’re supposed to make the other Armies lose the argument, not us! If you do, then-” Before she could finish her warning, the dug-out bunker was suddenly flooded with red trenchcoated Ocellus’s with crossbows. The officers by the table lifted up their hooves in immediate surrender.
“Brilliant stagey, General!” One of the more important looking Ocellus’s in the red uniform came up to the original, saluting with a smile. “Going behind enemy lines and defeating them from the inside! You shall be awarded for a medal for this!”
“Let me guess, you’re a Colonel too?” I asked.
The one in red blinked. “Why yes. How did you… You know what, never mind.” She pointed at me, “We could use you right now. Now that you’re here, I can show you how we’re going about defeating the other armies.”
“If you say so,” I saluted before exiting the bunker.
Ocellus looked at her copy in red. “So… which army are you again?”
“We’re the now victorious Mind-Over-Body Army, ma’am.” She smiled. “Now let’s get you over to our trench. With the fall of this army, it’ll make things easier now to face the two others.”
As we followed her and the other troops out, she walked out to where the Orange Army was lifting up their hooves to surrender at arrow point of the Red Army. We followed them through a tunnel for a few minutes until they all came to the other trench.
From there, we found scores of the wounded being tended to. Many of them were laid down on cots or against the sandbag walls, but as far as she could see, they were mangled.
“It’s been a hard-fought battle,” the Colonel in red told her, “and they did fight bravely, but in the end, things are looking up now since you defeated them single hoofed.”
Ocellus blinked. “How? All I did was tell them that their philosophy was faulty.”
“And that’s the key to victory!” Her copy said with confidence. “Defeat their argument, and you defeat the army. Now perhaps you could use your brilliant skills against the other armies as well. Follow me.”
We followed her copy down the trench, passing by her other copies in trench coats until we reached a curious-looking contraption on top of a hill. It looked like it was part megaphone and part cannon. She noticed that there were no cannonballs or gunpowder lying about, instead, there was another copy of her yelling into a microphone and from the other end of the weapon, actual letters and words were being projected out into the other trenches, whereby they exploded on impact.
Boy… imagine if other folks used this thing to settle arguments.
“This here is our best weapon we have,” the red Colonel told Ocellus. “Since the other armies won’t listen to us, we have to blast them with our words loud and long enough so that they would have no other choice than to surrender. Of course, there’s a problem – the enemies adopted the same weapon.” She then asked for a pair of binoculars, once handed over, she gave them to the real Ocellus. “Take a look at it yourself.”
She peered to the other trenches, and sure enough, she saw a similar weapon among the two remaining armies. As soon as she put down the binoculars, one of the copies in red rushed by with paper in her teeth, giving them to the one at the weapon. She watched as the weapon was adjusted and aimed towards one of the trenches. From there, the one by the weapon looked over the papers again, took in a deep breath and began shouting:
“THE PHILOSOPHER LOCKE WROTE THAT WHILE WE CAN’T HOLD ONTO A SINGLE CONSCIOUSNESS OVER TIME, HE POINTED OUT THAT EVERY TIME WE GO TO BED AND WAKE UP EVERY MORNING, WE STILL THINK WE’RE THE SAME AS BEFORE YOU BARBARIANS!” Sure enough, every word of the copy’s argument was shot out of the weapon, and we watched as it flew across the sky and exploded on impact. “HE CALLED THIS MEMORY THEORY, IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN! HE SAID THAT ANYCREATURE’S IDENTITY CONTINUES OVER TIME BECAUSE YOU HOLD ONTO MEMORIES OF YOURSELF AT DIFFERENT POINTS OF TIME!”
‘The lungs on that one,’ I thought.
“Good job!” the red Colonel said, “You really inflicted some damage to… they’re aiming at us! Everyone! Get down!”
Suddenly, we, along with her clones dropped to the ground, heads covered just in time before the counter-argument inflicted its damage. “THAT’S STUPID!” It began. “YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T REMEMBER EVERYTHING! I MEAN, WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH LAST TUESDAY? OR DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOUR EGG WAS BIRTHED EVEN?! AND WHAT IF YOU LOSE YOUR MEMORIES? HUH?!? ARE YOU STILL YOU IF YOU GOT DEMENTIA? OR DO YOU BECOME SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU RESORTED BACK TO A GRUB?!”
Once the barrage ceased its fire, Ocellus sat up to find some new craters all around her but sighed in relief as neither she nor the other copies were harmed; and neither was the weapon.
“Woah, that was close!” The Colonel in red exclaimed. “They really upped the firepower on that one.”
“Maybe a little too close for my taste,” I replied, getting up and asking my student, “you okay?”
“I-I’m fine… I think…” Ocellus nodded. “Who knew to have an argument in my head about who am I would be this violent?”
“I don’t blame you,” I helped her up. “When you’re a shapeshifter who’s dealing with a question that has plagued philosophers, psychiatrists, activists, poets, artists, writers, well… essentially everyone for centuries, things tend to get messy.”
“I don’t understand!” the copy who was firing shouted. “That argument should have done it! Memory should have been it! How else can you still be you without your memories? Did any of the experiences that happened to Ocellus mean nothing to them?! The day that Chrysalis was overthrown? Her friends? Or her classes that she’s made to memorize?!”
“Let me guess,” I inquired, walking over to the one who was shouting, “Locke’s Memory Theory?” She nodded. “Ah, a good try, but I wouldn’t use as a good weapon. They’re right in that it has problems and more holes than cheese.”
“I don’t know…” the real Ocellus said, “We Changelings do have good memories.”
“All the time?” I questioned.
“Well, of course, we can remember all sorts of things-”
“What was I doing when you met me the first time?” Her jaw hung there for a moment before closing shut. “Exactly. It’s good, but not foolproof. Yeah, memory can be useful, and thinking back to past experiences as you recall is a good try, but even then, they too are prone to be forgotten. And if those memories go, are you still you?”
“I… I don’t know…” She confessed, turning to the other trenches. “But there’s got to be a way to resolve this peacefully. There has to. But how?”
I took a moment to stroke my goatee in thought. “Perhaps it is best to find out what the other armies want, from there, you could piece together something to end this mind war as quickly as possible.”
“Maybe…” the red Colonel said, rubbing her chin. “Someone should go over to the other trenches to spy on them. Get inside their minds and how they function. I bet from there, a victory could be made! Only… who would do it?”
After a pause, I held up mine and Ocellus’s arms up. “Oh! Oh! Pick us! We’re too obvious to be suspected!”
The Colonel in red facehoofed, “Now that’s got to be the dumbest idea I’ve ever-” Normally with my powers I would use them to summon the stupidity stick to whack her over the head with it. However, using a fist should have the same effect. Within a moment, the disoriented Colonel said dizzily, “On second thought… good idea…”
“You heard the lady!” I called out, picking Ocellus up. “The General and I are on a mission to go into the other trenches and end this once and for all!” After the Red coat army cheered, we walked out of the trench and started going around the battlefield.
On the way to the next army, I asked my student: “So General, are you convinced that mind-over-body argument is right?”
“Well… That’s just it, I don’t know. At first glance, it does seem more convincing than the other one.”
“But…?”
She looked behind her, “It’s still a good enough argument, however, I feel as if something is missing. I mean, that memory thing is alright but…”
“You don’t think it’s the key to know what makes you, you.”
She nodded. “For something that should be as obvious as asking yourself who are you, knowing that is surprisingly tricky.”
“I think you’re overlooking one particular question.” She asked me what I meant. “Even if you do know the answer: why would it matter? Who would care if there is a consistent you that goes on from birth to death? Because so far the only thing that these arguments are overlooking, is the possibility that you could – Le Gasp – change! As if that’s a bad thing.”
“But it’s important!” Ocellus objected.
Swiftly, I turned around. “Why should it be? You’re not the same Ocellus that you were when you hatched, nor will you be before you go meet the great hive in the sky. I don’t get why this is scary for you to accept the fact that you can and will change be it body or mind. You learn new things, develop tastes, shift personality even – plus your memory like everyone else is faulty. So why insist on finding that one thing that makes up who you are when you’re constantly changing?”
“Because I don’t know!” She shouted at me, stomping a hoof. Nearby, a bomb went off, but her anger didn’t notice that. “And that scares me! I know that I’ll change eventually, and I still change all the time by appearances alone! It’s easy not to think of those things when you’re a mindless drone, but it’s another when you’ve gained a unique look, and everyone is asking what you really think! I need to know because everyone else can’t change so suddenly, so I need to figure out what makes me an individual so that I can have a voice!” She paused, looking up at me panting, she added, “Do you know what it’s like to not being asked what you wanted because a Queen just sees you as a cog in a machine? While the playing field was leveled out, I and so many others need to figure out how do we fit in a hive that’s turned upside down. For better or worse, we need to understand who we are – I need to know who I am, so I can figure out where to go from here.”
I knelt down to her eye level. “Now you’re starting to speak like a Philosopher.”
She sniffed, “Sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Discord.”
“Hey, I pushed you a little and you pushed back. But for now, we have espionage to do.”
She nodded and we continued until we found an entrance to one of the trenches. This time, the soldiers we came across were in pink trench coats. It didn’t take long for us to be noticed, Ocellus being saluted as “The General” and being taken to the army’s Colonel. The Pink Colonel was found at the front lines, preparing and giving a motivated speech to the other soldiers there.
“…. Yes, it will be a difficult charge but if you get past the obstacles in your way, then victory will surely be – General!” She saluted. “It’s an honor to have you here with us.”
“What’s going on?” the real Ocellus asked.
“I am giving these brave souls a speech to gain courage and remind them what they’re fighting for before we go over the top. I’m confident that this time we’ll make a breakthrough. Who are we!?”
“Performance by Society, ma’am!” the other copies cried.
An idea harpooned to my head, “Did you say you were about to remind them why you’re fighting?”
“Ah, yes! I was about to get to that.” The Colonel in pink nodded. Turning back to the other soldiers, she continued with her speech. “Unlike the other Armies, we’re the ones that have faced reality. And that reality is that as much as we want to believe that it’s our bodies, our minds, or personality that makes us as we are, there is a truth that the other Armies have chosen to ignore. It is everyone else around Ocellus that has a say in how she acts, thinks and feels. The society we inhabit, we’re forced to adapt so we may be accepted by it.”
My student raised a hoof. “So uh… to play Discord’s advocate here… How exactly does that work? You’re making it sound as if I don’t have any choice in the matter.”
“Do you?” the pink Colonel questioned. “If you paid attention to the rules, laws, expectations, customs of others, look into what you could and could not do – examine them and ask yourself this question: are you really free to grow up the way you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“I think I have a feeling where she’s going with this,” I said and my student asked for clarification. “Her argument goes like this: when you see yourself as a filly, whose a Changeling, that’s expected to be smart, obedient and quiet; when you’re expected to act like a filly because of the bits your born with; when you’re expected to fall in love with the opposite gender; when you are expected to succeed no matter what; when you have to learn this or that thing, even if it’s out of date – are you doing these things because you wanted to, or because you have to?”
“Well said,” the Colonel in pink nodded. “Ocellus can not be herself when those around her cannot accept the idea that she could be what she really wants to be. Ever since Chrysalis, she has to put up a false self in which she cannot be difficult, or willful as she wanted to be – and instead, she’s forced to grow up too fast! There was never a choice, it was either comply or be denied being tolerated. Even after the Queen’s downfall, when society changed, it was still as oppressive because everycreature she runs into, she’s expected to be an angel twenty-four-seven! Thorax being in charge and going to a pony school hasn’t liberated her, it just transported her from one cage to another! All it did, was for Ocellus to tell lies to herself so it wouldn’t make the situation she’s in so bad.”
“Excuse me?” Ocellus questioned, “What lies?”
The Colonel turned to the troops. “Well, does anyone know the answer to that question?”
A hoof was raised, “Ma’am, Ocellus lies to herself by work and study. She doesn’t try to cram in some extra credit nor spends hours on an essay because she wants to, but because she convinces herself that she likes them for its ability to distract herself what she fears most, ma’am!”
“Very good,” the Colonel nodded, “and the other?”
Another hoof raised, “Ma’am, because of the culture of not just Equestria, but other nations that her friends are from, she is forced to be self-censoring. She thinks she cannot express her worries, interests, or curiosity of her own identity. As a result, Ocellus puts up a façade of denial when asked directly and even joins in when her friends shame those creatures in the press so that it would shield her from any risk of being spotted, ma’am!”
With a raised eyebrow, I turned to my student who had a look that was a mix of shame and embarrassment. “T-That’s not tru-”
“And like that, you’ve proven our point, General.” The Pink Colonel cut her off. “Ocellus is finally waking up to the realization that society – be it friends, family, and everyone else – has given her a script for her to follow without her consent. By winning this war, we’ll bring our revolution to the front of her mind. If we could overthrow the other Armies, we can finally have Ocellus not give a crap about what anyone else thinks and have her realize who she is. Now, are you with me!?”
The soldiers cried out in solidarity, however, my student, seemed distant. “What if…” she began but stopped.
Knowing that she probably has something important to say, I put my talons in my mouth and whistled as loud as I could to get their attention. “Oi, Clone army! Your general has something to say to you!”
The Colonel in Pink told the real Ocellus to give her thoughts.
“What if… What if they’re right?” There were shocked gasps in the Army. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, all of you brought up some good points here and there. However, … I don’t think that just because a bunch of creatures tell me what to be, or that they have an expectation of who I am, it doesn’t mean that I have to be that, nor would I not be accepted for being something different either.”
“Uh…” the Pink Colonel blinked, “In plain Equestrian please?”
“I mean, my friends, when they interact with me, they have no reason to demand that I become this or that. If anything, if they tell me something like a criticism, it isn’t because they want me to be different, but to point out something about me that I would overlook. And yes, I admit that I put on masks for different creatures, but I do so not to deceive them, but so that I could be on the same level as they are. I’m not denying that you’re right, I’m just saying that someone ought to put a hoofnote next to your Army’s name.”
My student looked up to me, seeing my ears perked up. “Mr. Discord?” She asked. “Are you okay?”
“I sense that somehow, somewhere, there are dozens of readers that looked over this conversation, and in a blind rage, they only focus on the politics of this small part of the story instead of a whole.”
The Pink Colonel blinked. “Okay?” she turned to the troops. “Alright! Load your crossbows! It’s almost time!” We watched as Ocellus’s copy loaded their weapons and the Colonel put one hoof on the latter and looked at her watch on the other. A moment later, she levitated a whistle into her mouth. Before they could charge headfirst into a firing squad, I asked them which army they are going to attack. “The foolish Identity by Personality Army.”
After looking down at the nurse’s uniform, a muse slapped my brain. “We’re coming too.” I picked Ocellus up and let her ride my neck. “For the Pink Army!”
“The Pink Army!” the other soldiers joined in the cheer.
A sharp, pricing whistle cut through the air as the Colonel in Pink yelled out “Charge!” With that, I and the rest went over the top.
My student held on tightly, as she came to her senses to asked politely while running at full speed over a minefield, bushes of barbed wire, flying arrows, and passing explosions: “DISCORD! WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU DOING!?!”
“I don’t think your clones will shoot us,” I told her as I leap over a crater. “I’m wearing a medical uniform, something that has been singled out as untouchable during the history of war for some bloody reason!”
A barrage of arrows went by us. “You’re going to get us killed!”
“We’re almost there!” I said as I made a madmare’s dash to the other trench. As soon as I hopped in, we were greeted by soldiers in Purple, loaded crossbows aimed at us. “Hello! We come in peace! Bring us your women!”
“Hold on… is that…?” one of the Ocellus’s in purple asked, lowering her weapon. “It is! It’s the general!” That one turned to the other copies, “Go fetch the Colonel, tell her the General has been saved!”
“Wow,” I said, letting my student down and commenting, “you know, with a war that’s going on inside your head, you seem to be fighting in every army at the same time. Isn’t that a bit treasonous to yourself?”
She, however, gave me the death glare. “Oh ha-ha, I think I already got the symbolism behind all of this by now.”
Minutes later, an important-looking Ocellus in Purple arrived, astonished. “Oh, Goddess… it really is you!” She hugged. “We were almost giving up hope that you may ever return! How did you get here?”
“The nurse did it.” One of the purple soldiers said, pointing at me and I posed to look heroic. “This maniac took the general from the enemy side, carried her across No-Ling’s-Land and survived. He’s a hero!”
“Indeed, he is,” the Colonel in Purple went up to me, and offered a hoof to shake. “You should be given a big, heavy medal for your courage. Now that the General is back with us, this war is as good as won.”
“Perhaps, if I may suggest,” I said, “maybe you could refresh the dear General with what you stand for. After all, she has been gone for a while and she might have forgotten about it.”
“You’re right!” she turned to the real Ocellus, “Come, let’s go to my quarters over a drink.” We followed her through another maze, and just when I was about to complain how obvious this metaphor for her mental confusion was to my student, we’ve reached the place that’s unsurprisingly underground. Inside the modest-looking hole where not even a Hobbit would inhabit, there was a tea kettle brewing. “I know it’s not much, but we’ve been struggling ourselves.” The Colonel told us. “However, once this war is over, we can get back to more civilized things. Sit down, I’ll get you some cups.”
We sat down and the purple Colonel prepared our tea break. “So…” my student began, “would you kindly tell me what this particular Army stands for? I had a rather long and tiring day.”
“Absolutely.” She said, uncovering a bag of sugar from a hole in the wall. “Honestly, while the other Armies have their good intentions, we all know that we are the most correct. Because, we know the truth what makes Ocellus, Ocellus. It’s so easy and so simple, really.”
“If that were so,” I pointed out, “why is everyone else fighting you?”
“Because they’re ignorant.” She sighed. “For really: body, mind, and society will get you nowhere without one crucial element that the others have overlooked. And that is personality.”
“What in particular?” the real Ocellus inquired.
The Colonel in Purple placed our cups on the table. “Our values, feelings, and character. That’s what makes an individual, you know? Do you know why everycreature can look at the same thing and come up with completely different answers? It’s because of how they perceive it. And how do they perceive? It’s from their experiences as they went through life. In fact, I think Hume put it so elegantly: ‘We are nothing but a bundle or collection of different perceptions, which succeed each other with an inconceivable swiftness, and are in perpetual flux and movement.’”
“But that can’t be the only thing, is it?”
“Let me put to you this way,” the Colonel began but was interrupted when the teakettle screaming. Taking it off the heat of a dozen candles, she proceeded to pour our share. “Let’s suppose that a demon was to come to Ocellus and was given a choice: that she has a choice between remembering everything but feeling and acting very differently; or feeling and acting the same sorts of things but remembering nothing. Which one would she go for, really?”
My student took a moment to consider this. “I… I guess probably go for the second option.”
“Why?”
“Well… I guess because… most of my friends and family know me from my behavior. If I in some way acted weird, they would think that I’m some imposter.”
“Exactly, General,” the purple Colonel smiled. “Any sort of creature would have the same memories as another, but how they judge them, act or say in response is only seen through their lenses. They might get upset over something that you’ve let go long ago. They might look at your most precious memory and don’t think it has any meaning to them. Or they could hear the same joke that you heard where Ocellus would roll on the floor laughing, they might stare blankly and go ‘huh… I don’t get it.’”
Now I admit that out of all of them, this particular argument seems foolproof to me. However, as Ocellus’s copy added a spoonful of sugar into her cup, my student didn’t look that convinced. “It does make sense,” she began, “but… that can’t be it, isn’t it?”
“What more could there be?” the purple Colonel shrugged. “Personality is everything.”
“Is it?” the real Ocellus questioned. “While it’s a good argument, I can’t help but notice a flaw in it. What if my personality were to change, even if slightly, would I still be me? I remember a time when I was convinced that ponies were evil and believed it in my heart. However, as time went on and found out that the ‘monsters’ we were trying to contain were just as complicated as we are, that they were afraid of us, and that there’s more to this world than just hunting… I changed. For the better, I may add.”
“Now that’s interesting,” I spoke up, taking a sip of mental tea, “even hearing the other arguments in your own mind, you’re still unsatisfied.”
“Why must this be so confusing!?” My student sulked into her hooves. “I know all of them had good points, and I know they come from my own thoughts. But it’s like they…” she paused. For a long, solid three minutes, she paused. Slowly without saying a word, she lifted her head. In her eyes, I could see something had finally clicked. Then, suddenly, she stood up. “Mr. Discord, I need your uniform, now!”
“What?”
“And you,” she pointed at the purple cornual, “get me a stick. A big one.”
“Uh… y-yes, General!” The Colonel saluted and immediately went to fetch the stick.
“What has gotten into you?” I asked.
“Take off your uniform,” she demanded, “I know how to end this war! But I need it to get the other armies’ attention.”
“Unorthodox way to do so by telling your teacher to strip, but very well.” I took off the nurse’s uniform and the other Ocellus rushed in with a pole in her hooves. My student set to work to tie both sleeves to the pole before rushing out into the warzone.
I rushed after her as she went over the top, waving my uniform like a flag, screaming: “STOP! EVERYONE! STOP NOW!”
Amazingly and unrealistically, the explosions, the arrows, and the war-cries quieted down. I ran after her in the middle of the torn-up landscape where she stopped. “What are you doing?” I asked her.
“Just you wait.”
Soon after, the other armies became curious that their lone general was standing in the middle of a battlefield waving a white flag. My student demanded to see all the colonels from all the armies to meet her on the spot. Eventually, all four of them, the Orange, the Red, the Pink, and Purple, walked out into No-Ling’s-Land. They saluted.
My student took in a deep breath. “Before I say anything,” she began, “I have spent the whole day going from one army to the next, trying to find out what each was fighting for. In hopes that maybe… I could finally realize who I am. But in truth… I owe each one of you, an apology. For being so blind.”
All of them blinked and looked at one another. “But General,” the one in Orange said, “I don’t understand? How are you blind?”
“Do any of you recall of the story of the blind ponies and the elephant?”
“Well yes?” the Red one raised an eyebrow. “What does that got to do with anything?”
“Ooh…” I snapped my paw. “I realize what she’s talking about here.”
“You do?” all of them asked.
I went up to the red one, “If you know the story, then please share it with the rest of the class.”
“Okay…?” she blinked but recited. “There was once upon a time, five blind stallions who happened to find an elephant. Each one felt a different part of the creature. The one who felt the elephant’s side said, ‘I think I found a wall. It’s wide and solid.’ ‘No,’ said the one that felt its trunk, ‘I think I’m feeling a snake. It’s long, tube-like and flexible.’ ‘You’re both wrong,’ said the stallion who wrapped his hooves around the creature’s leg. ‘This thing is clearly a tree.’ ‘You’re all blinder than I am,’ said the one that played with the creature’s tail. ‘This thing is a fly swatter.’ ‘Are you all sure you feel the same thing?’ Asked the last stallion who felt the elephant’s ear. ‘This is a gigantic leaf for how flat, wide and flexible it is.’”
“I think that’s how I have been dealing with this.” Ocellus said. “As I went to each army, and heard all of your arguments and counter-arguments, I only ended up disagreeing with all of you. But it’s only until now that I realized why. I have been disagreeing with the conflicting individual pieces, instead of looking at it as a whole.”
“What are you saying?” the Colonel in pink inquired.
“That I’ve come to realize the truth. All this time I have been trying to figure out what makes me… me. Was it my physical body in its ways that it can transform? Was it my memories that solidify me from day to day? Was it the group of individuals I interact with that make up me? Or is it my character? All of these arguments are conflicting, and yet, all of them have one thing in common.”
All of the other colonels looked at one another, confused. “And what’s that?” the Purple one asked.
“Up until now, I realize that I am my body that others see me and grow from; that I am made up of my past experiences and memories; that I am made up of what others expect of me; that I am made up of what I feel and act. It was never about one piece that makes up what I am – it could never do that. Just like how this world isn’t made up of pure chaos or pure harmony, so too am I not just made up of one thing.”
“Ah, it looks like now that you’re ready to face my ultimate question, little miss.” I smiled, leaning forward to the real Ocellus. “Who are you?”
She smiled back. “I am Ocellus.”
And with that, a bright white light engulfed us all.
When we returned, my neglected office turned into a red licquorice field, gently swaying in the breeze. Nearby, the door to the school waited. I took in a deep breath, letting the chaotic magic flow back into me. “Ahh… It feels good to be back!”
Suddenly, I felt my midsection being hugged tightly. Looking down, my student, with tears of joy in her eyes told me, “Thank you so much, Mr. Discord.”
“Awe, it’s not sappy O’clock yet. Speaking of time, aren’t you heading out to go back home for the break?”
“Oh!” She exclaimed and zipped to the door. However, before she left, she turned to me saying, “That actually helped a lot. Thank you.”
“Like I said, come back anytime if you need actual wisdom.”
“I will.” She said. After we exchanged our goodbyes, she left my office.
Now, where was I…? Oh yeah! Figuring out the chair for my office.