Dear Princess Twilight,
My sister and I want you to know that despite your freak-out during that trivia game last week, we still decided to trust you enough to put together the final Summer Sun Celebration and shockingly, you managed to get it done without freaking out despite the problems we had. Perhaps you are fit to rule after all BUT my number one priority still lies in making sure that Starlight's destiny which includes ascension, the destiny of my favorite, is fulfilled. I kind of have an idea of how both you and Starlight can be elevated to what you want without pissing either one of you off. Good job though on changing the purpose of the holiday to something much better, glorifying my sister and I as we deserve. I do think one more pony should be given her own special holiday to glorify her....and I know the perfect day for it.
Glad You Finally Did Something Right After Nearly Nine Years,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
What the hell. You give me a brief acknowledgment about getting things done right but then it is right on to your precious Starlight. Good grief, you talk about me maybe being fit to rule but there is something I would love to know, what the hell is Starlight's "destiny?" Whatever it is I am quite certain that it will involve trolling me in one way or another. What have you done, set it up to where she will overthrow a foreign government and become their Empress or something? Tell you what, how about you dissolve Cadence and Shining Armor's marriage, force Cadence to move in with me and be my sex slave, force Shining Armor back into the guard, give Flurry a good home somewhere that she won't get in the way and let Starlight take that place over. That way your precious Starlight can rule somewhere and I can still rule Equestria just like I have always supposed to have. There, that way we all win. I win, Starlight wins, you win, everypony wins. Sounds like a good idea, huh?
Destined to Rule Equestria,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am really getting pissed. I have not had many major roles this season and here I thought the big brass was really going to let me shine. Hell, Cozy Glow, Tirek and Chrysalis have got more in the way of big roles than me. What the hell are those writers thinking giving three of the most unsavory individuals in Equestria more airtime than me? Hell I wouldn't be one bit surprised if Goldner isn't lying and he won't let you ascend me. Knowing him, he will likely give his precious Twilight and her friends one final hero moment all while leaving me in the shadows. I certainly hope not because I deserve better than this for everything I've done for Twilight.
Upset,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Starlight,
I am just as pissed as you are right now. You have done so much for everypony yet they are focusing so much more on three horrible villains and Twilight's OCD. Now I do have plans in the event Goldner lied about me being able to ascend you, plans that will give you what I believe you deserve. Don't worry Starlight, I will make sure you are ascended no matter what, I will make sure you meet your mother, I will see to it you and Trixie can get married AND I am also thinking of something else, something that I shall not reveal at this time. I am happy to see you finally bitching about this though, I was kind of worried that you had too much of your father in you and not enough of your mother in you.
Making Plans,
Princess Celestia
To My Subordinates,
I am going to let you know this right now. I don't trust any of you one bit. Chrysalis, I know you are always coming up with some sort of scheme to try and take Equestria for yourself. Tirek, I know you are probably in the same mindset. You may think you can go steal all the magic from those puny ponies and become a huge demon but even then my powers will still far surpass yours so watch your step. Cozy Glow, I trust you the least. Yes you are a lousy pegasus filly with no magical powers at all but I do know you are a master manipulator and for all I know you may be slowly but surely weakening those two screw ups that have failed so much and convincing them to accept you as their leader.
However, I have located an object of significant importance and since you three are too stupid to go and retrieve it yourselves, I shall go and get it myself. Now while I am gone, do not do anything that would result in me having to cast you back into the hell you came from and Tirek, please keep that bratty foal from eating my cup cakes. If she eats even one more, I will be having centaur steak for supper and a filly fillet for dessert....and hell, I may as well have a pitcher of changeling blood to go with it. Watch it you three, I've got my eye on you.
Keeping an Eye on You,
Lord Grogar
To The Almighty and Infinitely Powerful Grogar,
Golly geez aren't you being a grumpy old goat today? I know you don't trust us but come on, you honestly think that any of us are making plans to take Equestria for ourselves? We know that your powers far surpasses ours and we would never do anything to stab you in the back or disobey you, honest!
Now that isn't very nice of you wanting to kill us and eat us. I know we aren't supposed to follow anything in Twilight's stupid book but killing and eating us isn't what we are supposed to do if we are to defeat Twilight and her stupid lackeys. You put so much emphasis on us working together but if you kill and eat us we can't do that. Remember Mr. Grogar, you need us!
Signed,
The Most Adorable Villain Ever, Cozy Glow