Jonah Crumble was not a man of great moral fibre. He was, though, a stockbroker that led a fairly upper middle class life. He parked his car in the third space from the leftmost edge of the car park, despite the car park in question being deserted. Jonah got out of his Cadillac and locked the door. His suit was Armani and his sunglasses were Gucci. He gazed at the Cadillac's bright red paintjob and thought to himself "Yep. That's a pretty good looking car, alright,"
He then began walking toward the comic book shop. He looked around. No-one was following him. He had recently managed to successfully blackmail his secretary into ceasing to stalk him. Nonetheless, he still felt vulnerable. He recognised the square building with its banner that utilised comic sans and its jarring colour scheme. One may wonder why a man such as Jonah who had such a passion for Cadillacs and luxury fashion items was visiting such a run-down comics shop. The answer was quite simple. Middlebrow Anne's was the only place in town one could get relatively rare comic books such as All-Star Batman and Robin without utilising the internet. Here, one could get omnibuses and trade paperbacks of discontinued, unfinished or little-known series for relatively cheap. For you see, Jonah also had a passion for comic books. Jonah knocked on the door and he was greeted by the painted-over visage of MIddlebrow Anne peeking through the door. Middlebrow Anne had painted herself a light orange and given herself a tramp stamp featuring three apples on the side of her right butt-cheek so as to look like Applejack. Jonah forced a smile.
"No need to worry. It's just me," he said through gritted teeth.
Anne opened the door fully and welcomed Jonah in. Jonah stepped inside and produced fifteen crisp US notes (legal tender, not counterfeit). Anne examined the notes. She then produced a sealed brown paper bag that had a hardcover edition of All-Star Batman and Robin (that collected issues one to nine) by Frank Miller inside. Jonah thanked her. Anne sneezed and then began to sob. Jonah noticed the trash bags sitting just behind the counter. He wondered what was in them and whether Anne would ever take them out. He exited the store with his product and made his way to the park. He sat down at the park bench and carefully removed the clear Sellotape that was binding the top flap of the bag to the back. A man then sat beside him. He was clad in a white trench coat and multi-coloured fedora.
"And the elephants were boiled in their tanks. Jesus saves. Always remember to keep one for the road," said the man to Jonah.
The man then left. Jonah then proceeded to take out the comic and open it up. He read the introduction (by Frank Miller himself) dutifully. It was when he turned to the first page of sequential art, however, that the comic sucked Jonah into another dimension.
Jonah woke up in Twilight Sparkle's bed. Of course, he didn't know that. He didn't know of Twilight Sparkle or the race of talking equines that populated this planet. He did, however, know that this was not his home. He was sweating profusely and felt as if he was about to vomit. He promptly vomited all over the floor next to him and then fell sideway onto the vomit, carrying his bedsheets with him. He crawled to the door on all fours and managed to pick himself up using the doorknob. He spied through the keyhole. He noticed that the interior of this home had been carved into a tree. The architecture also contained a lot more bulging walls and soft edges than ordinary modern architecture. The shapes used and the general structure of the house was very fluid and organic which made sense considering that it was situated in the inside of a tree. He opened the door slightly so as to have greater visibility. The house seemed empty. Jonah crept down the immaculately carved wooden stairs. He then tripped on Spike and fell down the stairs. Jonah noticed that blood was slowly streaming from his forehead and screamed. Twilight Sparkle, on the other hand, was busy taking a crap when she heard Jonah's screaming and sobbing.
"OK, OK, I should probably hurry up now," she grunted.
She then squeezed out a giant log of shit. It was pretty fuckin' big. It was a big ass piece of doo-doo. She wiped her ass using her magic and rushed down the stairs.
"Spike! You poopyhead! I told you not to sleep on the goddamn stairs! This is why you should pace yourself appropriately! Don't work so hard you end up sleeping on the stairs or this happens!" Twilight Sparkle shouted.
"Now, apologise to this... thing," she said, waving her woof in Jonah's general direction.
"Sorry," she said to Jonah, cringing slightly.
"Oh my god! I'm so, so sorry! Oh God, Twilight! I didn't know!" cried Spike, having been snapped out of any potential grogginess by severe guilt.
Twilight cast a healing spell on Jonah and the wound closed up. She then used her magic to stand Jonah upright. Jonah screamed at the sight of Twilight and backed into the wall.
"What the fuck!" he cried, "What the fuck!"
Twilight and Spike stared at one another. Twilight approached Jonah and calmly explained the circumstances in which she found him. He was found lying face-first in a pile of mud in Sweet Apple Acres. Granny Smith considered shooting Jonah as he looked like a dangerous creature but the more liberal and forgiving younger members of the family vetoed that particular motion. Applejack informed the rest of the Mane Six about what had been found and Twilight requested that she keep the specimen for research.
"So, I'm gonna be some kind of lab freak?" asked Jonah, eyes red and raw from tears.
"Well, I don't know if freak is the terminology I'd use but other than that, sure! You can rest assured that all of my experiments will be ethical and safe for all parties involved! You have nothing to worry about!" said Twilight proudly, thrusting her hoof upward.
"You'll get free room and board, an introduction to Equestrian culture and a Sunday off! To be honest, from my perspective, it seems like you have a better deal than I have!" said Spike, playfully elbowing Jonah in the ribs at the last part.
Jonah was utterly terrified.
TO BE CONTINUED...