//------------------------------// // Bizarro's Bizarre Fashion. // Story: BIZARRO Am NOT iN EQUESTRIA // by Hotel_Chicken //------------------------------// BIZARRO POV You know, hoping that the DC equivalent of Jesus was bad at carpentry so that I could be good at it and fix Trixie's wagon was a pretty stupid thing to hope for in retrospect. Thankfully, there were a few actually talented carpenters in town who could do the job for us in about a week or so. All the Bits from tips Trixie made from her performance and all the Bits I ended up splitting with Pinkie Pie when she was taking bets on mine and Rainbow Dash's arm wrestling contest meant we could get a pretty nice two bed hotel room while we waited. The more I thought about our situation the more I realized that I could probably just fly over to Canterlot instead of waiting for the repairs to finish up. But, I also made a promise to Trixie to help put on a show when we got to Canterlot as payment for being so nice to me. A lot of people back home probably would have cut their losses once they found out their friend was secretly an all-powerful being or end up worshipping them. I think at least? That’s how I’d probably react. Seriously, if I was friends with someone as strong as Bizarro and we got into an argument or something, they could squish my head like a grape. Especially if my friend was as dumb as the real Bizarro. They'd probably end up killing me with a hug. However, Trixie still treated me the same way as she did before she found out I had super powers. Speaking of which, it had only been a day and Twilight sent me several formal letters asking if I would consent to a series of experiments so she could understand my powers. Let me say that again slowly. Several, meaning more than one formal letter, each roughly seven to ten pages long, in one day. Consider the fact that I can’t read any of them and it becomes quiet the nuisance. The only reason I knew what they were was because Trixie tried to read one, an endeavor which lead to her promptly passing out after one paragraph. Twilight had originally tried to ask me in person, or I guess the correct term would be in pony, at first but she just kept mumbling when I opened the door. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I had just gotten out of the shower and wrapped myself in a fluffy bright pink towel to cover myself when I answered the door. I guess I still need to get used to having this body. When I used to answer the door in a towel no one would bat an eye because of my physique when I was human. But now, I was a herculean giant that looked down at everyone. Not gonna lie, I was enjoying being the tallest person in literally every room I walked into. To distract myself from ANOTHER Twilight letter, number eight if I’m right, I went to the remains of Trixie’s old wagon to help clean up. Snips and Snails were grounded for a whole month and were forced to clean up the remains of the wagon as part of their punishment. While I was glad they were actually getting punished, I thought that they should have to do something less dangerous than clean up a mess of sharp and heavy planks that could, and would, hurt somepony if they weren’t being careful. So we came to an agreement, or rather I said something and they listened, because only idiots disagree with Bizarro. Well, Snips and Snails were idiots but they weren't suicidal idiots...... I think. Anyway, the plan was that I would take all of the more dangerous heavy planks, sharp wood, and sharp tiles that could slice their hands open, and the two colts could clean up the more manageable sized planks of wood. Turns out it’s also good practice for their levitation magic, something they had been neglecting to do lately. Snips and Snails would be coming over to the wagon in about an hour to clean up what I left for them, so I decided to double my efforts and work a bit faster. I was about to grab another piece of the broken wagon when it was suddenly enveloped in a blue aura and lifted into the air. “You know that this is their punishment, right?” Trixie rhetorically asked with a smug smile. “Me know. But me also want help.” I replied. “Well then, the Great and Forgiving Trixie would also like to make this task a bit less difficult for those colts.” She said as she floated a few more large chunks of wood away. “Showoff.” I scoffed, as I rolled my eyes and pulled a piece of wood that was buried deep into the ground. “The correct term is ‘Showmare’. But yes, it is Trixie’s job after all.” “How you am get job anyway?” I asked. I was genuinely curious about what her story was. “Well, Trixie was attending Celestia’s school of Gifted Unicorns when she was a filly, but eventually got kicked out for… reasons beyond Trixie’s control. So Trixie went to a different school to learn magic. There Trixie found her true calling in illusion magic. Everypony acts so seriously about magic, when it should be fun! So, Trixie started traveling all across Equestria and other lands to show the true value of using magic for fun. It was harder than she thought, and ended with Trixie questioning her beliefs more than once. But, Trixie persisted onwards and eventually ran into you. That’s pretty much her story.” “It am very nice story.” “Thanks. That was backstory number four of twenty-eight. I have a lot of different stories depending on who my audience is. You’re lucky to get the real one. That is, if it was the real one~.” Trixie teased playfully. I laughed heartily at that. Of course, only Trixie would be the master of her own story. “You strange mare, Trick.” Trixie stuck her tongue out at me in playful mock anger. “Hmph. Like you’re one to talk. Trixie thinks you’re stranger than her. Even your name is odd, Bizarro.” “It am not weirdest name back home.” “Oh, and what’s the weirdest name you heard?” I smiled at her question. I always loved to retell this story to people. “Ok, so me high school english teacher had battle with other teacher at different school. They fight to see who am have student with weirdest name that year. Me no know who Bizarro’s teacher pick to say, but other teacher win with her student name.” “And what was it?” She asked. “Sha-Comma-on-the-top.” I told her. She gave me a bewildered look as she attempted to understand what I just said. “Want know how spell?” I asked. “Uh... yes?” “S, H, Apos-trophy.” Her eyes widened as she finally understood, and burst out into a laughing fit. “N-No way that was a name!” “It true. That name of girl. Sha-Comma-on-the-top.” “Wow!” Trixie said as she snickered, “Ponies where you’re from are really weird.” “Trick have no idea how weird. Many weirder than strange name girl.” “Really?” Trixie asked as she tried to stifle her giggles. 
“Yeah, there this one mare in English-Land who am marry 91-year-old chandelier.” Huh, guess I can say the word chandelier. “NO WAY!” Trixie bursted into a hysterical fit of laughter. I smiled at that, Lilly had acted the exact same way when I told her about the chandelier lady. It was a shame I couldn’t tell Trixie about the twins I knew back home named Day Quill and Knight Quill. While it was funny for humans, I didn’t think it would properly translate between us. I also wondered if I could get the same reaction out of her by telling her about the lady that married a house, only for said building to be demolished a week later. If you ask me, the city was doing that house a favor by destroying it. RAINBOW DASH POV I really had to struggle to not laugh when Biz was talking. Marrying a chandelier? Talk about desperate. Makes me feel a bit better about not having a Colt-friend. Speaking of Colt-friend, I wonder if Biz is on the market. He’s not a big brotherly like so many other stallions. All they do is whine and complain.“Oh no, I broke a nail, oh no my mane is messy!” Get over it! Biz did and look at the guy, he’s awesome! He could probably take on Big Mac and Snowflake in a two against one fight… in a mud pit… with their shirts off~. I bit my lip just imagining the scene. Biz would totally rip his shirt off like a badflank, and crouch down so he was at head level with both their crot— “Hi Rainbow.” I let out a yelp totally marely battle cry as I wasn’t surprised by Fluttershy at all… Freaking ninja mare. “O-Oh, Hey Flutters, what’s up? Come back from that animal emergency?” I asked, totally nonchalantly and not blushing like an idiot. Fluttershy was about to say something before her eyes widened and large shadow covered both of us. I turned around to see Biz standing just a foot behind me. I let out another marely battle cry as I noticed him, and leapt a few feet back to get some distance between us. Ya gotta give stallions space, ya know? “Me am sorry. Bizarro am no mean scare you Rain-Bo. Me hear scream and came to see problem.” Biz said as he held his big strong hand to the Cutie mark on his shirt. “N-no problem here big guy. Just got surprised is all while I was chilling to the max.” I said as I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. “You know what I’m talking about, right Biz?” He tilted his head to the right like a cute puppy as he pointed a finger at himself. “Biz?” He asked. “Oh! Yeah, I give nicknames to all my friends. I mean, if you want it you know. Totally cool if you don’t like it.” Please like it, please like it, please like it. “Me like it!” YES! “Thank Rain-Bo, me go help Trick with wheel house. See you and Flutter round.” He said as he walked off. Oh Celestia, why does he have to have that cape?! It’s blocking the goods! “Oh my. I didn’t think you and Bizarro would become friends when I left.” Fluttershy said.
 “Heck yeah! I used to think that he was just a liar and a jerk, but the way he handled that Ursa Major was awesome. You should have seen him when he punched that Ursa Major in the face! And then he grabbed the thing and suplexed it into the ground like a total beast!” I exclaimed. “Wow. I didn’t think a stallion could fight an Ursa Major.” “Yup, he sent that thing’s blue butt flying across the Everfree.” For some reason Fluttershy got a weird look on her face as her eye twitched ever so slightly. “What?” She asked quietly. “Yeah! He was in the air and he hit the thing right in its ugly mug! It flew off into the woods somewhere and—” I didn’t get to finish as Fluttershy shot off towards Biz. Oh no… BIZZARO POV “Everything alright?” Trixie asked me. “Yes. Rain-Bo just get surprise. No problem.” “That’s good to hear. If you don’t mind, Trixie is going to go back to our room and practice some tricks.” Trixie said before she walked off towards the hotel. I waved to her as she was leaving. “Bye Trick! Have fun practice.” “Trixie will. Thank you Bizarro.” She said as she waved back and continued walking away. Once she turned the corner I went back to work picking up the more dangerous pieces of wood before I felt something lightly tap my shoulder. I turned around and was surprised to see Fluttershy glaring at me at she hovered in the air to meet my eye level. “Oh, hi Sh—” “Who do you think you are to beat up a minor?” She growled at me, causing me to blink in surprise. “What Shy am saying?” I asked. “I’m saying, what gives you the right to beat up a baby Ursa?!” She said as she flew closer to my face. “What Shy talk about? Me beat up big bad bare.” “Not just any bear, an Ursa Minor. MINOR!” She, surprisingly for her, shouted loudly in my face. “AN URSA MINOR IS THAT, A MINOR YOU THICK HEADED STALLION!” She yelled at me. If I was really Bizarro I would have no idea what the hell a minor was. But, since I wasn’t as dumb as Bizarro, I quickly caught up and realized my oversight. “oh… me not know… me… me throw baby?” I asked, as I tried not to shed manly tears… But failed. “ME THROW BABY! BIZARRO AM BAD!” I cried out as I fell on my hands and knees. Note to self, speech is limited and emotions have essentially taken steroids to become super emotions. “BIZARRO THROW BABY BEAR!” I continued to cry as I laid on the ground in a fetal position with my knees to my chest and suckled on my thumb. Don't you judge me dammit. FLUTTERSHY POV Oh my. I didn’t think that Bizarro would cry like this when I shouted at him. “Fluttershy, what the hay happened to Bizarro?!” Rainbow Dash asked as she flew over to us. “I-I shouted at Bizarro for attacking the Ursa. You see Rainbow, the Ursa he threw wasn’t an Ursa Major, it was an Ursa Minor.” “So? It was going on a rampage!” “No, it wasn’t, it was just confused and angry. While Ursa Major's are purple, Ursa Minor's are blue. An Ursa Minor is only a baby Rainbow Dash, it doesn’t know any better.” I explained to her. “THAT THING WAS A BABY?!” Rainbow Dash shouted, eliciting a louder cry out of Bizarro. “BIZARRO AM BAD GUY! ME THROW BABY!” He said through his tears. “H-hey Big Guy, don’t cry, I’m sure the thing is fine.” Rainbow Dash told Bizarro. “In fact, me and Fluttershy will check on it right now! I’m sure that a big monster like that can survive a throw across the Everfree.” “um, actually if he threw—” Rainbow Dash cut me off before I could finish. “I’m sure it’s fine. Right Fluttershy, my very thoughtful and forgiving friend?” Rainbow Dash asked through gritted teeth. I only nodded meekly in response. “See Biz? Totally gonna be ok!” Rainbow Dash told Bizarro as he looked up at us while sniffling. “C-Can Biz-z-zzaro am h-help?” Bizarro asked as he wiped away another tear. “I’m sorry Bizarro, but we need to make sure that the Ursa is ok. Unfortunately, because of your fight, the Ursa Minor may be afraid of you. If you came with us the Ursa Minor might try to run away while me and Rainbow Dash are helping it.” I explained to Bizarro. “M-m-me am understand… S-shy, you am talk to animals good right?” “Yes actually, it’s my special talent.” I told him, I was actually surprised since I didn’t remember telling him that I could before. “C-can you tell star baby bear that Bizarro am sorry?” He asked. “Of course, I will, Bizarro. And I’m sorry for shouting at you like I did.” “No, Bizarro am deserve. *sniff* now p-please go help baby bear.” Bizarro said. Rainbow Dash and I said our goodbyes and quickly flew off to the direction Bizarro threw the Ursa Minor…. wait, how did he throw it? BIZARRO POV I watched Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy fly off to help the Ursa Minor. Hopefully it wouldn’t have been hurt too badly. As I kept my eyes on the sky I heard someone walking up behind me. Using my Telescope Vision to prevent any further surprises, I was able to see that it was Spike. I found out about my Telescope Vision when I started counting the amount of times Twilight stared at me back at Pinkie Pie’s party. I might not have perfect X-ray vision, but I'll admit that having eyes in the back of my head was a somewhat decent tradeoff. “Hey Bizarro!” Spike called out to me as he waved. I turned around and waved back to him after wiping away the last of my tears and drying my eyes. “Whoa, dude are you ok?” Spike asked me. “Bizarro am fine. *sniff* Bizarro am just learn that bear me hit was only baby.” I explained to him. His skin and scales visibly paled at that news. “That… that was a baby?…” Spike asked dumbstruck. “THEN WHAT THE HECK DOES AN ADULT LOOK LIKE!?” He shouted in a panicked voice. “Me no know. Maybe Spike can ask Shy when she and Rain-bo come back. She say she go take care of baby. Bizarro ask if he can help, but... Shy say baby may be scared of Bizarro…” I said as a slumped my shoulders. Spike's previously terrified expression quickly softened as he placed a hand on my knee and patted it. “Hey, don’t worry about it big guy. We were all panicking when it came into town. If you didn’t attack it then Twilight would have. And I’m sure Fluttershy’ll be able to help the Ursa Minor.” “Thank Spike. By way, where Twilight?” I asked, looking around for the lavender unicorn Mare. “She’s locked herself in her room writing another letter for you. I think this it’s the third draft of letter twelve.” He told me. Damnit, that meant there would be at least four letters waiting at the front desk of the hotel room for me. I should just throw them away and tell her I can’t read, but it’s just so embarrassing. “So I’m just staying away from the Library while Twilight has one of her… Twilight moments. I’ve just been hanging out at Rarity’s for a bit since I left. Once I explained why Twilight was having one of her moments, Rarity asked if I could come find you so she could get you in some new threads.” He said as he gestured to my tattered cape and dirty costume. My boots were absolutely drenched in what I could only hope was mud from the Everfree Forest, and my clothes were covered in a mixture of saw dust, wood chips, and dirt from trying to clean up Trixie’s wagon. “Me think Rare-Tea be right. Bizarro clothes am really dirty.” “Great, she’s been dying to get you into something more… oh, what did she call it? Meh, it’ll come to me later. Anyway, let’s go, I’ll show you the way there.” Spike said as he walked off towards the boutique. I looked back at the pile of rubble that was once Trixie’s wagon and decided that the pieces left over were a reasonable enough size for Snips and Snails to take care of later, and followed Spike to Rarity's place. The walk over to Rarity’s shop was relaxing as I felt my skin soak up the rays of the sun and give me power. It felt amazing, it was like I was bathing in pure energy that seeped into every pore of my body, massaging my tense muscles as it made it's way deeper through my skin. It was fantastic, but it wasn't nearly as amazing as the night before when I felt the beams of moonlight give me more energy than I knew what to do with. It was all overwhelming to me, like I was suddenly supercharged and had no outlet to get rid of my excess energy. I ended up closing the curtains and doing some pushups to burn off the excess energy. It didn't help a lot but I was able to set a new pushup record for myself. I wasn’t entirely sure why the moon made me feel so powerful, but my running theory was that it was acting as a sort of dwarf blue sun. Even though the moon wasn’t a sun it radiated light like one. And my god did it feel fantastic. If this happened every night then maybe I would be able to get Trixie to Canterlot in a week or so rather than two and a half weeks. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice when we finally arrived at Rarity’s shop. It was a large pink and blue circular building decorated in frills, pink diamond patterned roof shingles, and diagonally stripped purple pillars that supported part of the roof outside. For all intense purposes, Carousel Boutique lived up to its name of being a boutique designed after a carousel. Spike opened the front door and waved a hand for me to follow in. As the bell over the door rang I noticed that the building must have had a space distortion enchantment on it like Trixie’s wagon did. I also noticed that the room was very…. Pink. Pink and frilly and just really reeaaalllly pink. The only break up from the color were the circular racks of various colorful dresses and clothes that were strung about all over the room, seemingly without any rhyme or reason.
 As I was looking around the room I heard Rarity come down the stairs that were at the back of the room. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique.~” Rarity sung out as she came down to the bottom of the stairs. She was wearing the same clothes she was wearing yesterday, a baby blue short sleeve shirt, a light purple skirt with three blue diamonds on it, and a pair of purple open toed high heels. “Ah Bizarro, welcome to my little shop. I see Spikey told you about my plan?” She asked. “Yes. Bizarro am in agree that me need new clothes. Old ones smell funny.” I told her as I took a tentative sniff of my sleeve, something that I will regret until my dying day. God damn super smell. “Excellent, I was hoping I could get you into something a little less vulgar darling. No offense.” Some offense was taken at her remark. “None am taken. So, what type clothes am Rare-Tea have?” I asked her. “Oh, well I specialize in stunning clothing for Mares and Stallions of all ages. I was thinking of making something like a nice pink dress shirt. And then I was thinking that some sky-blue dress pants and black shoes would really pull it all together. And afterwards we could all head to the Spa so you could get your mane styled and put on some moisturizer. Oh, maybe we could even get a mud mask!” Rarity listed off as she was floating up several different materials to me. If I actually ended up wearing something like that, I think I would actually be the first person in history to die of embarrassment. “Uhhh... What about there?” I asked, pointing to an area clearly labeled “Discount.” “Oh, those are just a few things I don’t really need. A few old personal projects I worked on, a few custom orders that nopony ever came to pick up, and some older clothes donated to me by the Apple family. It’s nothing special really, I only keep it up for when somepony needs work clothes or something like that. Now come along, I’m sure you’ll just adore some of these stunning suits I’ve made.” She said, as she pulled my arm towards all of those frilly dress shirts and suits. “Um, Rare-Tea, Bizarro am not stay in Ponyville long, and me have to go with Trick on road. Maybe me could get work clothes?” I asked her hoping to god she would say yes. “Oh… Um, well I suppose that makes sense. Well then how about you get some clothes for the road and a nice suit for your next performance? A showmare like Trixie needs an appropriately dressed assistant after all. Especially if her assistant is a stallion.” “Ok. Bizarro can do that.” I said as I made my way to the Discount section. I always loved looking in stores with donated goods like Goodwill, The Irish Thrift, or BuffaloExchange, you never really knew what you’d find there. You could go in looking for one thing and come out with bags full of awesome clothes, plates, nick-nacks, and a plethora of other cool stuff that you’d be hard pressed to find in a Target or Walmart. And, best of all, everything was always cheap as hell. I remember when I bought an expensive jacket that would have normally costed upwards of $100 for $20. They were also great places to go when I needed materials for my costumes. I remember when I found a pair of leather pants, black boots, and a nicely decorated black leather jacket at a few Thrift stores. Add a huge cloak with a bunch of black fur glued on it, along with a knee high black skirt and I had the perfect John Snow costume. Man, I wonder what would have happened if I dressed up like John Snow instead of Bizarro. I’d pretty much be a normal guy with a sword in Equestria. Granted, I’d be a sexy guy with a kickass beard and silk voice with a sword. But I would still be just a mortal, stab him in the stomach and he’ll die, guy in Equestria. I winced at the thought of my first meeting with Trixie. Had I been a normal person I would have definitely had a few fractured ribs and a broken spine. Thank Stan Lee for super human strength and invulnerability. I'll take ugly, dumb, and invulnerable over sexy, smart, and stabbable any day. No amount of sexiness can stop death. Well, at least not more than once... I think. After picking up everything I wanted to try on, I turned around and looked at Rarity who appeared to be cringing at the sight of the clothes in my arms. “Am there dresser room Rare-Tea?” I asked. “Yes Darling, just behind that curtain over there. But are you sure you want to try on… that? It’s a bit uncouth and irregular. Not to mention it’s all very old and worn.” She said as she tried to convince me to try on one of her Monkey suits. No thank you, all of it was too bright and garish for my tastes. Denying her offer to try on something more colorful and formal, I made my way over to the changing room and got dressed. I didn’t take off my blue spandex as I dressed myself, I only removed my cape and boots as they wouldn’t fit under my clothes. How Superman was able to keep those under a slim fitting business suit I have no idea. I would have taken off the full costume to try on the new clothes, but I ran into a slight dilemma. When I took my shower that morning I realized that my costume is more of a two person, or rather two pony, job to take off as there was a hidden zipper in the back that I couldn’t comfortably unzip. Trixie was willing to help me unzip my suit before my shower and re-zip it when I was finally dried off, but I couldn’t ask Rarity to come in here and unzip it for me. So, I made due and got changed. Another fun fact I learned from my shower was that Bizarro actually wears socks and boxers. When I took off my boots I was fairly surprised to see that Bizarro wore socks under them. Granted they were old, filled with holes, and smelled like a rancid cheese factory, but nasty socks were better than no socks. As for my boxers, they were the traditional cliché white boxers covered in red hearts with the obligatory tear in the right butt cheek. I’ll be honest, I was expecting Superman themed underwear, and I was somewhat disappointed when I didn’t see Super-undies. I would have been able to make a few Captain Underpants jokes if that were the case. As I put on the final piece of my new attire, a brown Flat cap, I walked out of the changing room with the new clothes I got. I was slightly excited as I exited the changing room and looked at myself in the mirror. To Rarity it was an, “Uncouth and irregular” fashion statement, but to me it was part of my childhood. I was wearing two brown steel toed boots that were bit dirty from years of use, some nice green slacks held up by a black belt, and a black and white stripped t-shirt that was a little small but was still comfortable. I was also wearing a worn brown faux leather jacket, a pair of black gloves, and finally an old brown flat cap, or as Rarity called it: a Griffon fisher hat, that rested comfortably on my head. I ended up keeping my Bizzaro stone medal around my neck, but I couldn’t for the life of me explain why. The medallion just felt… Good, like it was keeping me safe or something. Once I exited the dressing room I quickly made my way to a nearby mirror that I couldn’t take my eyes off of. It was all too perfect, I looked exactly like Eric Powell’s Goon. Even if I had bleach white skin, I looked like a perfect imitation of the character. Which I suppose makes sense since both the Bizarro I cosplayed as and the Goon were drawn by the same artist. I swear if the Goon and I were in the same room, we could be twins. “This am great Rare-Tea! Bizarro am look like Goon!” I exclaimed, causing both Spike and Rarity to look at with puzzled expressions. “Um, apologies Bizarro but is it a good thing to dress up like a ruffian? I mean, everypony likes a bad stallion, but a goon?” Rarity asked. “Oh no, Bizarro am talk about hero named Goon. Me did read about Goon from comic book back home.” I explained to her. Spikes eyes widened with joy. “You read comics!?” He exclaimed. “Yeah, Bizarro am read many comics back home. Like Kick… Flank? Yes, KickFlank, WatchMares, Spider Stallion, and, am best of all, Goon.” “Really? Wow! I’ve only heard about the Power Ponies comics before! Hey, do you want to read some with me?” Spike asked enthusiastically with a smile that could rival Pinkie Pie. “Me like that very much, but… Bizarro am have problem.” “What’s wrong?” Spike asked. “Bizarro… Bizarro am no read. Me knew how to, me even knew speak good and write. But now, head hurt when Bizarro try. Bizarro never get read comics again…” I said dejectedly. Spike looked shell shocked while Rarity looked like she was on the verge of tears. “W-well what if I read the words and you look at the pictures!” Spike offered. I was actually surprised by his idea. “You am do that… for Bizarro?” I asked dumfounded. “Sure, what are friends for?” I’ll be honest, I cried a little. Manly tears of course. “That make Bizarro very happy. Thank Spike.” RAINBOW DASH POV I had just gotten back to Ponyville after leaving Fluttershy alone with the Ursa Minor. The thing had an entire tree stuck in its leg that went right past the bone. Thankfully it was apparently just the equivalent of a splinter since Ursa’s need to fight things like Hydras and rogue Dragons out in the wilderness, so hopefully his Momma bear won't destroy Ponyville over the equivalent of a splinter. I have to say, I thought Bizarro was strong before but after seeing how far he threw the Ursa Minor I was impressed. He chucked it clear over the freaking Castle of the Two sisters. Took about two to three hours just to find the damn thing. Fluttershy was in awe when I told her that Biz was able to fly without wings. I don’t understand how he does it, but it’s awesome! I really wanted to get back to Ponyville and challenge him to a race. I’ll admit he may be stronger than me, but I’m the fastest flyer in all of Equestria. Luckily since I was flying back solo it only took me thirty minutes to fly back. As I did so I noticed that the Ponyville library had its sign switched to open. I guessed that whatever Twilight was freaking out over had been resolved. So that meant I could try to read the newest Daring Doo book before I challenged Biz to a race. I came in flying through an open window, because as Daring Doo would say, “Doors are for chumps.” Doing a kickflank roll when I landed, I stopped before I jumped and landed perfectly on the couch. “Nailed it.” I said as Spike walked out of the Kitchen wearing a pink frilly apron. “Oh, hey Rainbow Dash. I didn’t hear you come in. Sorry about that, I was busy washing some dishes.” Spike said. I jumped off of the couch and looked around the room. “Hey Spike, is Twi around?” “Yeah, she’s locked up in her room right now.” I looked back at Spike. “She locked herself in her room?” “Yeah. She’s having another Twilight moment.” I nodded my head knowingly. “Ahhh, Gotcha. I thought she got over it since the sign was flipped. Not that it matters, I just came over for the newest Daring Doo Book: Daring Doo and the Dreaded Doppelganger.” “Sorry Dash, but I don’t think that’ll come until a few hours later. You know how the MailMare can be. If you want you can wait here and read something until they’re here.” Spike suggested, I shrugged in response. If I could wait a month, then I could wait an a few more hours until the copies arrived. “Thanks Spike.” I said, as I made my way to the object of my desires in the children young adults’ section. “No prob. Oh hey, do you want to read some Power Pony comics with us?” Spike asked. “Nah, I’m good squirt. I’m just gonna stick to some good Ol’ fashion Daring Doo if ya don’t mind.” I told spike. He shrugged before going to the shelf to find the other Power Ponies comics. I laid down on the couch with the most recent Daring Doo book of the series, Daring Doo and the Diamond Skull. I gotta remember to thank Fluttershy for getting me hooked onto the series after I got off of the Power Ponies bandwagon. Bleh. Power Ponies, Noooo thank you. Sure, I might have read them when I was a filly, but lately they’ve been getting too lame and repetitive for my taste. Not to mention boooooring, especially after those stallion parents passed that stupid Comic Code thingy so they were, “Less Violent.” Buck that! Comic book violence is the second best type of violence. And they ruined it! If I ever read one of those books again, it would be against my will. “Hey Bizarro, ready to read some Power Ponies comics?” Spike asked. Unless Biz is there too. I sat up and looked at Spike. “Oh wait, you said Power Ponies? I thought you said… um…. Flower Phonies! YEAH! I’d love to join you and Biz reading some comics.” I said to Spike as he pulled the last Power Ponies comic off the shelf. “Awesome Dash.” Spike said as Biz walked out of the kitchen. “Bizarro can’t wait! Me am so happy!” Biz exclaimed as he dried his hands off and put on a pair of black gloves. I looked over at Biz’s new clothes and whistled in surprise. He was wearing some nice thick brown boots, a pair of form fitting green pants, an old brown leather jacket, a pair of black gloves, some type of funny looking hat, and best of all a t-shirt that made Bizarro look like an escaped convict. He looked soooo badflank! Even his weird stone necklace looked like it went great with his outfit. “Daaamn. Nice duds Biz, where’d ya get ‘em?” I asked. “Oh, hi Rain-Bo. Bizarro go to Rare-Tea and she offer clothes. But me no accept. Am too frilly and weird for Bizarro. Then me find these in cheap section of store and Bizarro buy them.” “Really, Rarity let you go out dressed like that? No offense, I think it looks great, but Rarity doesn’t seem like the type of Mare who’d let a stallion go out dressed like that.” “She let Bizarro go if me promise to wear ‘fancy’ clothes in Camelot and say Rare-Tea am make them. Me no know why ponies like dressing up in monkey suit.” I snickered when he called all those hoity-toity clothes monkey suits. “Monkey suit huh? Gotta say, I’ve never heard anypony call it that before. Mind if I start using that?” He shrugged with his massive shoulders. “Go head. Me not make saying, and it am free world.” He said, before turning around to talk to Spike about something. Now that I had a totally unobstructed view of Bizarro’s toned flank, which was awesome by the way, I noticed something off about him. I didn’t notice before because Bizarro’s cape covered his back all the way to his feet, but now I could see that he was missing something rather important. “Um, hey Biz?” I asked hesitantly. “You um… It’s just… Uh… where’s your tail?” Bizarro looked at his flank for a second, almost as if to confirm that he didn’t have a tail, before he looked back at me and shrugged. “Me cut off tail when me young. Too bushy and itchy.” He told me casually before returning to his conversation with Spike. He… HE CUT OFF HIS OWN TAIL?! Oh sweet Celestia this dude isn’t just a JaneFilly, he’s a beast! A tail isn’t just a thing you can chop off! It helps a pony keep their balance and sense of direction. Cutting off your tail would be like cutting off a cat’s whiskers, but worse! Sure, you can trim it but you never cut it off! Not to mention that there’s more than just hair in a tail. All that hair comes from a a small tail made of flesh and blood that’s part of the body! Cutting off your tail because it itches is like sewing your belly button shut because belly button lint is annoying! It’s totally crazy, irresponsible, dumb and… and… Kinda hot. Holy crap… I think I’m in love with a crazy stallion… and for some reason, I’m totally ok with that.