Human

by DannyJ

Chapter 21: Showing a Darker Side

Howard pulled back his cuffs to look at his watch. He gave another nervous grin and continued to tap his feet in anticipation.

"How do I look?" he whispered.

"Fine, Howie," Stu replied, somewhat irritably, "You were fine the last time you asked, and nothing has changed."

Howard pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the sweat from his brow.

"...Oh God. Stu, I'm just...I'm fucking terrified. I have literally never been frightened in my life."

"What have you got to be afraid of?"

"What if I screw things up? What if I don't say the words right?! What if...I dunno...What if I trip on something and face plant in the middle of the ceremony?! What if I just explode?!"

"Howie, are you actually saying these words? Are these really things you're concerned about happening?"

The nervous man's eyes darted back and forth.

"I'm just...I'm worried, is all. This is the biggest day of my life, and I'm..."

"It's gonna be alright, man! Everything will be fine! A wedding ceremony is no different than those karaoke performances you do. If anything, your audience here will be less critical, and you don't have to put on such a show. Just be genuine. Alright?"

Howard gulped.

"Alright. As long as you've got my back."

"Of course. Of course. Hey! Here she comes."

The wedding march began to play on the piano, and Carol walked through into the front door of the church, a long white dress trailing behind her and a veil over her face. The bridesmaids all came down the aisle too, all of them beaming just as much as Carol was, and one of them crying in joy.

Alright, Howard. Moment of truth.

Second stood on the balcony outside of Celestia's bedroom and stared down at the city of Canterlot below him.

This city looks like all the other, bigger cities decided it was the prison bitch, and systematically gangbanged it over and over.

Yes. That seemed like an apt metaphor. Half of Canterlot was just ruins now. He was astounded that as much of it was still standing as it was. Still though, there was no way this place was ever going to recover. Second and Nathan had done a number on this city, no doubt about it. Canterlot had been beaten down for one final time, and it wasn't ever getting back up.

In a way, Second respected how much damage it took before it finally crumbled. Canterlot had been subject to numerous invasions and natural disasters over many centuries. It had taken the full brunt of Discord and suffered the wrath of the Spider Legion, and stood tall before Chrysalis's changelings.

Finally though, after so many thousands of years, a combination of zombies, fire, tornados, rampaging giant monsters, mountain-shattering earthquakes, heavy explosives and pissed off humans had finished it off. Talk about hard to kill. Rasputin would have been green with envy.

Real great accomplishment, right there. I'm so proud of myself.

With a roll of his eyes, Second jumped off the balcony and floated down towards the ground, into the ruined gardens of the palace. Like everything else, it had been ravaged by the disasters. The ground was scorched in places where his troops had laid siege to the area with missiles and flamethrowers. Zombies roamed around with no clear goal or destination in mind. A tower had collapsed into rubble off to the side, thanks to the shaking of the mountain as it split earlier that day.

He walked through the gardens and went around the side of the castle, coming back to the front entrance. The drawbridge remained hanging open, and a little way above the moat he could see a massive hole in the palace wall where his golem and Nathan's titan had smashed through.

Utilising his newly gained powers, he flew up to it and floated through into the throne room. Several of the pillars had fallen and the floor was cracked in places, but it had overall held up better than some other places he had seen. He touched down again, and slowly walked over to a heap of painted yellow metal laying off to one side of the room.

"Silver?" he said, "Are you alright?"

There was a moaning, and the mare turned over to face him. She was still in her suit of power armour, minus the helmet, and looked dazed and confused.

"...Sir?" she muttered.

"Hey, Silver, I FINALLY thought of a name for the power armour guys to distinguish you from the Knights of Man. How about, 'Heavy Troopers'? Because of the heavy equipment you all carry? Right?"

Silver smiled weakly at him.

"That's a great name, sir."

"I only wish I had thought of it before every single one of them were wiped out except you. Then I could have saved myself using the phrase 'power armour ponies' so many times. I could have shortened my sentences by an entire word! Do you know how much extra time I would have had if I had done that from the start? A lot!"

Silver Vein coughed loudly.

"Yeah, I agree completely sir," she said between choking.

"...Are you okay?"

"I think I'm dying."

"Pssh. Death! You mortals, honestly."

He knelt down next to her and placed a finger on her neck.

"Sir, what are you..? Ahh..."

A serene look went over her face, and she felt a calmness. The pain began to dull, and eventually vanished, and her senses all seemed crisper and clearer. Suddenly much more aware, she looked up at him properly.

"What did you just do?" she asked.

"Healed the sick and dying by touching them, apparently. I've been gaining all sorts of new powers lately. As far as I can tell, if I just act like I should be able to do it, I generally can. Since you last saw me, I discovered that I can fly, summon tornados, and break the sound barrier. This is small potatoes to me now. I could probably do anything. I'm half tempted to destroy the sun, just to see if I could survive without it. I probably could as well. It'd be an interesting experiment if nothing else. Anyway, I'm rambling. What I'm trying to say, is that I'm basically like Jesus."

Silver blinked.

"Anyway, get off the floor and go clean up. It'll be time for dinner soon."

"Dinner, sir?"

"You know it. Go up to the dining room in about an hour. I'm going to go explore the kitchens and see if my nigh omnipotence has made me any better as a cook."

"Wah?!"

A unicorn in a top hat and monocle fell to the floor. The first thing he noticed was the smell.

"UGH! What is that foul odour?!"

Then suddenly he was soaking wet, as another pony pushed him into what appeared to be a shower cubicle and yet another twisted some knobs on a control panel outside it. The previous smell immediately disappeared, replaced by one of somepony who fell into a vat in a chemical plant.

The disoriented unicorn was magically forced out of the pseudo shower and tossed into another cubicle. Dryers activated, and within seconds he was no longer wet either, though the awful smell remained, and his mane was a mess. He looked back out of the cubicle and saw that he was in a medical clinic of some kind. Right next to the place where he fell before, a white unicorn strapped to an operating table was screaming in pain.

"What is going on here?!" he demanded of his captors, "This is most unorthodox!"

An earth pony who he recognised from the many charity functions he and the other nobles attended stepped forward and helped him out of the cubicle. He looked extremely bored, and half asleep. He unenthusiastically gave him a pamphlet.

"The apocalypse just happened," Gold Coin mumbled, "You were a zombie, and then you were absorbed by a sludge monster. It just shat you out, and now you're normal again. We just sterilised and dried you. Canterlot is destroyed, but you have been provided quarters here on the Prometheus. Your room key is included in the pamphlet, which provides coping advice for these trying times. We hope you enjoy your stay on board the Prometheus, sponsored by Brotherhood of Man. The Brotherhood of Man - we usher in the end of days in style."

Gold Coin didn't say another word, and gestured towards the door. The confused unicorn gave him an odd look and slowly walked out into the corridor, looking over his shoulder at the earth pony, who remained as bored as ever. As he exited, he heard the echoing screams of the unicorn on the operating table as he prepared to eject another pony.

The unicorn looked down at the pamphlet, and saw that a numbered key was taped to the front. Using his magic, he removed the key and placed it underneath his top hat for safe keeping. Curious about the situation, he raised the pamphlet, and read the title.

"So, you're a piece of shit..."

Soft Spoken, Chain Mail, Mystic, and Iron Hoof walked slowly through the quiet corridors of the Prometheus. They had found the crews' quarters and living areas, and the place was huge. No amount of repeating would ever really describe just how massive the ship was, and being aware of its size, it came to no surprise to the ponies to find that there were almost hundreds of rooms, each filled with at least three bunk beds.

It had been their idea after discovering these rooms to offer them to the newly cured citizens of Canterlot, since they probably had no other homes. Or most of them, anyway. Up ahead, they could see a pegasus mare fiddling with a locked door for a moment before she got it and wandered inside.

"So, turning in already?" Chain Mail asked.

"I know it's early," Softy replied, "However, I always made it a point to go to bed at quarter to ten. The earlier I go to bed, the earlier I rise, and there's always lots to do in the morning."

"Understandable."

"I heard the princesses also went for an early night," Iron commented, "I wasn't surprised to see Celestia retire to her designated room when she finished lowering the sun, though Luna always stayed up at night. I'm assuming her sleeping pattern must have been disrupted by recent events?"

"So I'm told," Chain Mail answered, "It's been a trying day for everypony. Maybe if we get some rest we'll be able to finally sit down and figure everything out tomorrow. Celestia knows, we've got a lot to cover."

"That we have," said Softy, "I'll see you all in the morning."

He looked down at Mystic, who continued to be miserable. He gave him a quick hug.

"Listen, sonny. Sliske's a big boy now. He can take care of himself. He'll be back before you know it. Alright?"

Mystic nodded.

"There you go."

He stood up again.

"Take care of him, Chains," he whispered.

"Good night, Mister Spoken."

"Call me Softy."

Soft Spoken was on a train. He sat up from the small table he had been leaning on and stared out the window, smiling as he saw the quaint countryside. Tramplevania was a remote location, far removed from Equestria's capital. Modernisation hadn't quite reached this new place yet. The fact that trains were still used here instead of the portal network was testament to that.

The train came grinding to a halt as they approached the platform. Softy climbed onto his hooves again and quickly exited the train, looking around him as the simple country ponies around the station greeted arriving relatives or ponies returning from visits.

"Cousin, you made it! Welcome to Tramplevania!"

Softy turned around to see a leaf green unicorn with a huge smile approaching him.

"Helsing!" Softy replied, "It's been forever since I last saw you!"

"Don't I know it? How is your father?"

"Oh, he's well. Just got back from another voyage. Getting old now though. I think he's ready to retire from mercenary work soon. It's not something a pony his age should be doing, what with the bad hip..."

"That's a shame. I was hoping we might still be able to call him up here once he was available. Help deal with our raging vampire infestation."

"Is that still a problem?" Softy asked in concern, "I thought you and the villagers wiped them out four years ago?"

"So did I, but last spring they came back in force. We think they're hiding out in forest, but that's neither here nor there. They're a manageable problem. Right now, the big news is you! I heard you're taking over for the ambassador!"

"Well, of course. I have more than proven my worth elsewhere, and no other positions are looking to free up any time soon. Though, I was of course saddened to hear about Ambassador Scroll. Nopony deserves to have that happen to them."

Helsing bowed his head sadly.

"I know," he sighed.

"...Do they know who did it yet?"

"Well, I know who did it. Fucking vampires are who did it. Of course, we can't go around saying the vampires are back and are killing important ponies. The count says they don't want to incite panic, and has been pressuring the media to keep this whole business under wraps and sending out small strike teams to seek out and destroy them discreetly. I don't see the point really. The locals know vampire attacks when they see them, so everypony around here who COULD be panicked by the news already knows what's going on. We're just not allowed to say it. That's why they need ponies like me to deal with it. Make sure the attacks don't spread beyond this village to menace the rest of Tramplevania."

Softy gave his cousin a sympathetic smile.

"They're lucky to have you."

"Thanks, cousin."

"Come along then. I need to report to the embassy before they close."

Sliske gasped for air as he walked into his host's home. Everything was blurry and he couldn't see.

"I can't...Everything's..."

He collapsed on the sofa. The sickness was getting worse. The mysterious cutie mark only added to his confusion, and his poor state of health was giving him a headache too.

"I..."

He fell asleep.

General Sliske the Destroyer fell back against the wall, almost choking.

"...What?" he said aloud, "I could have sworn that I was just possessed. That sakrassi jumped right down my throat. Is it...still in me?"

The warlord hit his chest with both his right arms at once. He then felt his hearts. All three of them were beating normally, and his stomachs were free of any feeling of illness or indigestion. He felt completely normal.

"...Did it die inside me?" he asked in disgust.

He held his forehead.

"I need to rest, and see a healer."

The burly Zarlan turned away from the enclosure of his personal zoo and made his way out into the corridor of his fortress. The rough wooden construction of everything and animal skin rugs, made from native red-furred Krishtinfalth, made the fortress feel rustic, and showed off the great power and wealth of the general.

When most of his people were but peasants, your common Zarlan living in simple huts or crude houses built from whatever could be scrounged from the environment, it was a mark of great importance that the general lived in such luxury.

A great, massive building made entirely from wooden logs taken from the now long dead forest of Krubreth. Trophies from many big game animals, both local and exotic. Actual heating, with burning coal in stone fireplaces in every room to combat the bitter cold of the plains, and gas lanterns hanging from the ceilings to light the way in the dark.

And that was not to mention their great food stores and an armoury with only the toughest of armour made by the finest smiths, and weapons for his entire army, including his ancestral battleaxe, which had slain thousands of foes in bloody battle with the primitive tribes of the north and the cannibalistic savages to the west.

By far his proudest acquisitions though, were the mirrors, an invention of the eastern Grelmokrik people, who they had conquered and absorbed into the Zarlan empire long ago. They were placed in every room and every corridor, and allowed the general to appreciate his handsomeness in his reflection every time he strode through those great halls.

He passed by one and looked into it, seeing the form of a proud, hairless biped looking back at him. His four arms were strong and powerful, and the nine eyes dotted around a completely bald head that allowed him to see in every direction all blinked in perfect synchronisation, homing in on themselves in the reflection, and focusing on the fact that they appeared much different than before.

The Zarlan stroked the side of his face with one hand, feeling a scar over on cheek and leaning in close to get a better look at his eyes. They seemed so alien to him.

"What strangeness is..."

He stopped mid sentence. His eyes widened and his jaw hung open as he saw his teeth in the mirror, and found that they had grown to an absurd length and were sharp and pointy now. All of them were like that, instead of just his canines like usual. He began to breathe heavily as he slowly realised that they were all signs of sakrassi possession.

So why wasn't it in control instead of him?

And then the realisation hit him. He felt his knees become weak and he had to support himself against the wall. He closed all his eyes at once and searched his memories again, trying to find some kind of evidence of self. He plunged into the deepest recesses of his mind, and heard a voice. It was his voice, screaming in rage.

YOU DISGUSTING CREATURE! YOU WILL RELEASE ME! I AM GENERAL SLISKE THE DESTROYER, RULER OF THE ZARLAN EMPIRE! YOUR PAIN WILL BE IMMENSE, AND YOUR SCREAMS WILL ECHO THROUGH THE MINDS OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR PATHETIC RACE! I WILL THROW YOU TO THE KLKRMIZK AND BASK IN YOUR DYING AGONY AS THEY RIP YOU ASSUNDER AND FEED OFF OF YOUR VERY SOUL!

He pulled back out to block out the voice.

"NO!" he shouted, "I CANNOT be one of those...those...parasites! They're...I'm..."

The general was astounded to see what appeared to be a tear falling from one of his eyes in the mirror. It was a sign of great sadness, and also one of weakness. In Zarlan culture, it was seen as the greatest sin to indulge in such a thing, and was punishable by death, something he and previous generals had enforced ruthlessly. He immediately ceased the display and wiped it off.

"No...I have no time for an identity crisis right now," he resolved, "For now, I am who I always thought I was. I am Sliske, and I have an army to lead."

The thing that thought itself Sliske then turned away from the mirror and stomped angrily down the corridor.

"And I will destroy anyone who dares say otherwise."

Sliske woke up in cold sweat, and crying. He didn't care. It had been over two thousand years since it was possible for anyone to punish him for it.

"...I'm sssso ssssorry," he whispered to the darkness, "Pleasssse forgive me, Drelmary..."

But the darkness had no response.

Silver entered the dining room through a side door and emerged near the far end of a long table, where Second was sitting. She had changed out of her power armour and was happy to see her master again.

"Good evening, my Lord!" she said cheerfully.

"Yeah, whatever," Second replied.

She noticed he wasn't so much eating the food on his plate as just pushing it around with a fork.

"...Something wrong?"

"There was no meat," the human said miserably, "I was hoping that the royal kitchens might have at least some stored away from visiting representatives of other species. I know that griffins are carnivorous at least. But there's nothing."

Silver gave him a sympathetic smile as she sat down at the table.

"I'm sure you'll find something eventually," she said.

"Yeah..." Second mused, "Hmmm...I did find the remains of Butterfly Nine while I was roaming the grounds earlier. She was stuck inside a suit of power armour, so the zombies probably haven't gotten to her yet. If I go out there and drag her inside sometime this evening, we could have canned food tomorrow. What do you think?"

Silver looked at him with mild concern. He wasn't smiling or anything. Nothing to suggest he was joking. There was a very real possibility that he was legitimately suggesting this.

"...I personally would not eat it, but if you want to, that's up to you my Lord," she answered carefully.

Second went back to stabbing at the cabbage leaves on his plate.

"I've never tasted pony before. I really should try it some time."

Silver tried to ignore that, and dug into her steamed carrots, broccoli and greens. It was a very simple meal, and likely all that Second was capable of preparing by himself. Still, it could have been worse. Simple didn't necessarily mean bad.

"Hey, sir?" she said between chewing.

"Hmm?"

"So, that guy who was trying to kill you earlier. Who was he?"

"My brother, Nathan. Or an earthly representation of him anyway. He came to help me in my plan. Warn me about something bad the Pantheon of B were planning. Needed to warn me so I could adapt my strategy accordingly. I've got some extra problems to deal with now..."

"So why did you attack him if he was there to help?"

"We have a history. Nathan's not the most agreeable of people. That, and the fact he's responsible for sending me here and causing all my suffering. Me and Anthony's arrival here, his death, my imprisonment, it all happened because of him. He didn't know he was doing it of course, but it's still his fault."

"Oh..." said Silver, "By Anthony, you mean-"

"Lord First. My son. Yes."

Silver looked surprised.

"Lord First was your son?"

"Yes. He was. Why is everyone always so surprised to hear that? It's not hard to figure out."

"...So if he was your son, I assume at some point you...?"

Second held up his right hand and showed her a lump of melted gold that was stuck to his knuckle.

"This thing here used to be a wedding ring, once."

"...I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Not your fault," Second replied.

He suddenly perked up.

"If anything, I feel better about it since Nathan arrived! He said it's been twenty years for him in the human world, instead of a thousand. That means if I ever go home, it'll probably be twenty years into the future too. My wife might still be alive...Maybe...If I'm lucky..."

His happiness slowly died down again, and he began to return to his previous subdued tone.

"Twenty years..." he calculated, "She was a year older than me when we started dating...Her birthday is...And I disappeared...Hmm...I think she'd be...sixty six by now."

He once again began to poke the vegetables.

"Still, I'm sorry."

Second smiled weakly at her.

"I'm over it," he said, "A thousand years alone with your thoughts gets you thinking. Just because I might still get a little moody over sensitive matters, does not mean I didn't accept the state of things long ago. This right here?"

He gestured around the room.

"This is the new status quo. I've been in Equestria for longer than I ever lived in my real home. For all the years I spent with my wife, I spent more than fifty times that stuck in stone. This place...It's sickeningly familiar to me. The whole world around me is just an amusing novelty that long ago wore off.

"I once set foot in this land and was in wonder at how everything looked like a drawing. I thought it was so charming. And then I spent so much of my time here, and now I just long to look at something real again. When I look at my own hands now, all I can ever think about is how simple they look. They make me feel like so much less than I should be."

He looked at the melted ring.

"...And they're not the only things that makes me think that."

Silver tried to think of something to say.

"You might still see her again one day."

"I know I'll see her again one day," Second said darkly, "Because after everything I've been through, there is no force in this universe that could ever stop me."

"...We usher in the end of days in style," Gold Coin finished.

The confused and disturbed looking earth pony backed slowly out of the room. As he did, Gold Coin released a huge sigh.

"Explodey, take five!" he shouted.

Gold Coin walked over to the other side of the room and filled up a plastic cup from the water cooler than somepony had hauled into the clinic. As he drank, the other assistants left to go walk about for a bit and stretch their legs, maybe take a smoke break, leaving him alone with the other pony supervising the project.

"Everything alright?" Night Shroud asked.

"Everything is fine. I'm just fucking bored."

"You could go up to your room and go to bed if you're tired. I'm normally nocturnal anyway. I got this."

"I'm not tired. I'm just bored," Gold Coin clarified, "It's not sleep, I need to do something to break up the monotony."

"Oh. Well...You could still take an hour long break and come back when you're feeling rejuvenated. I can still cover for you. It's not like your job is vital or anything."

"Explaining to these ponies what the fuck is going on is vital, Night Shroud."

"Yeah, but it doesn't have to be you specifically to do it. I can do that, and get another volunteer to take over the 'shoving them into the sterilisation chamber' job for me."

"You make a good point. I'll go and take a look at my room. With the state of things right now, we may be living on the Prometheus for a while. I should get to personalising it. Maybe hang up a couple of decorations? Get a lava lamp? I dunno."

"Sounds like a plan," Night Shroud agreed.

Gold Coin quickly finished his drink and yawned.

"Right. I think I'll do that. I'll come back whenever. If you're sure you've got this?"

"I'm sure, Goldie."

"'Kay."

He trotted out into the corridor, somewhat more energetically now.

"Oh," he said, turning and looking back at Night Shroud, "And if Explodey should produce some friends of mine, a diamond dog named Remus and a blue unicorn called Easy Eight, do tell me, and send Easy Eight my way. I have business to settle with him."

"...Captain Chain Mail?"

The captain looked at Iron Hoof in surprise.

"If it's all good with you sir, Tome wanted me to do additional checks for sabotage in the engineering sections about this time, and I've got to see about some of the royal guards Explodey had been rejecting too. I was told to see if I can go convince them to help patrol the ship."

"Calling me 'sir' and 'captain' again, private?" said Chain Mail, "Whatever happened to the soldier who tried to kill me twice for defending the princesses, exactly like he was supposed to do?"

"...Force of habit. Don't think you're suddenly in charge of me again, captain."

He smiled.

"I expected as much. Though if I'm not your boss anymore, surely you don't need to ask me first if you want to leave and do your own thing?"

Iron blinked.

"You're right. I don't need to ask you. I've got more important things to do. Goodbye, captain."

The grey earth pony galloped off down the corridor without another word, leaving the captain behind with Mystic Chant.

"...So kid, are you feeling tired yet?" he asked.

Mystic shook his head.

"Huh...Well...I guess we could always go to the cafeteria. I heard Tome got it up and running again."

"Alright," Mystic murmured.

"Yeah. Come on. I could go for a late dinner."

In their shared quarters, two alicorn princesses held each other as they slept. The bunk beds were too small for them, so they had stripped the sheets off and thrown the bed frames out in the corridor, instead making some makeshift bedding on the floor.

It had been many years since both the princesses slept at the same time of day, let alone together. The last time it had happened was three hundred years ago, when Celestia's last protégé had died and she had been in need of somepony to talk to. These rare times together always happened when there was tragedy, and the sisters needed somepony to lean on.

And as they slept, they both dreamed.

Princess Celestia landed on the rooftop and looked over the darkness of the city. The moon hung in the sky above her, and she stepped forward cautiously. As she came to the edge of the roof, she peered into the alleyway below. A back entrance to a restaurant was lit by a single yellow light, the sole source of illumination in the alley.

Thanks to the light, she could see a number of ponies, two earths, one pegasus and three unicorns all gathered in a circle. They all wore trench coats and trilby hats, and a few were smoking cigars.

"So when's the boss gonna arrive?" asked one of the earth ponies.

"Soon," said the pegasus, with a gruff voice, "He won't want to miss out."

"Are you sure it's safe for us to be meeting out in the open like this?" asked a unicorn, "I mean, what if the Batmare-"

"ENOUGH," the pegasus interrupted, "about the Batmare. Her tactic is fear, and the shadows. We got light here. Nopony wander off, and just watch around you. If she can't get the drop on us, she won't be doin' nothing."

Through her cowl, Celestia grinned.

"Oh how wrong you are, my little ponies..." she muttered to herself.

"Hey, here he comes!"

The ponies all turned their attention to the end of the alleyway, where a long black car drove in. As it entered the alleyway though, rather than stopping, it began to pick up speed.

"Uhh..." said an earth pony, "Is it just me, or is the boss's car going a little bit-"

The car rammed right into the group of ponies and mowed them all down, save for the pegasus who took to the air just in time to dodge. The others were all crushed under the car, bar one unlucky fellow who got sandwiched between the car and a wall when it spun around and crashed after the vehicular homicide.

The pegasus stared in shock at the carnage left in the its wake. The car door opened, and a human stepped out of it. A human in a purple suit with an orange jacket underneath, and a green bow tie. He had white paint all over his face, even over the moustache, except his mouth which was painted red, and his hair was bright green too.

"Sorry," he said in a deliberately strange sounding voice, "You know what they say about male drivers."

"W-Who are you?! Where's the boss?!"

"He was feeling a little down. I decided to throw him a party to cheer him up, Pinkie Pie style. And speaking of..."

He reached down to his side and whipped out a massive novelty handgun, mostly yellow with blue stripes all around it and a bright purple scope on the top.

"How about I give you a demonstration of my portable party cannon?"

Suddenly, he pointed it behind him up at the roof, and before Celestia could react he pulled the trigger. A firework flew right up and exploded into confetti and streamers right in front of her face, and the caped alicorn lost her balance and fell down into the alley, grunting as she landed on her back.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The human was cackling like a madman, and while Celestia was down he grabbed the pegasus he had left alive by the throat and tossed him into the car, before bundling in after him and closing the door. The machine roared to life and backed up.

Celestia rose to her hooves again, scowling. The car drove past her and back out into the streets. The windows rolled down as it passed and the clown-like human stuck his head out the window and ran his fingers through his hair.

"See ya, Batsy!" he shouted.

And then the car vanished into the night, as the psychotic laughter of its driver echoed across the city.

"Grrrrr..."

Celestia regained her balance again and her vision slowly returned to normal, after she had been almost blinded by the explosion before. Flexing her bat-like wings, she flew up above the rooftops again. She saw the car rolling down main street in the distance, and grinned.

"Oh no, Second. You aren't getting away from me."

"Helsing!"

Softy pushed through the crowd gathering in the village square and came to the middle, where his cousin laid on the ground coughing up blood. Another pony laid dead next to him, this one with fangs and blood red eyes, and a wooden stake sticking out of its chest. It was one of many littering the streets.

"Softy..." he gasped, "Cousin, I don't have much...time..."

The earth pony knelt by his side and put a hoof under his head to hold him up.

"You saved us," he said tearfully.

"I did my duty, cousin. To Equestria, and Tramplevania, like I always have. Like our family always has."

He reached up and touched his face.

"I know we may have never been related by blood, but you are my cousin, and your father's son just as surely as I am mine. You've served Equestria too."

Softy shook his head.

"No, I just talk. I'm no good for anything! I spend all day in offices and meetings and writing out trade agreements! I'm no hero like you or dad or mother or-"

"Softy!" Helsing cried, "Listen to me. You serve Equestria with your words, just as I serve it with stakes and garlic. You've served Tramplevania and its citizens for twelve years now...And you've done great...Never sell yourself short...Or ever believe that your gifts are no good...Because the ponies here, they would disagree."

He used his teeth to pull off his necklace of garlic, and put it over Softy's neck.

"They need a new hero now. You're it, cousin."

"Me?! But I can't-"

"You can do anything you set your mind to, Softy," said Helsing, "I've finally failed. Now...somepony new has to carry the torch. Will you do it for me?"

"...I will, cousin. I will."

"...And so then I..." Second paused mid sentence to belch, "Then I...fucking...smashed his face into the mountain...and split it open...the mountain that is...and that's why everything is sort of tilted and slanty right now."

He filled up another wine glass and downed it in one shot. Silver hadn't even been aware there was alcohol at the table until Second had suddenly started gulping down whole bottles full of it. She had a glass of her own, but she was only half way through her first glass right now. Second was into the double digits already and was completely plastered.

"...Teach him to mess with ME!"

"Still seems a little harsh," said Silver.

"Bah! You dunno nothin'! Nathan fucking deserved it! Just like every other one of those fucking...pantheon scumbags...I'll fucking...skin them. And wear them as coats. That'll show 'em..."

"So...what have the pantheon done then?" the pegasus asked.

"Huh?"

"You're angry at the pantheon too. What did they do?"

Second just stared at her.

"Silver, if I trapped you on an alien world, left you to the mercy of a pack of weirdoes completely unlike anything that should exist, and periodically used my Elder God magic to make you dance for my amusement while laughing gleefully at your pain, would you not resent that, ever so slightly?"

"Uh...If you did it, sir?"

"...What?"

"Nothing sir."

Second eyed her suspiciously.

"Mortals..." he muttered.

Sliske didn't leave his host the normal way. Rather than floating out through the mouth like cloud of smoke as he usually did, or becoming the tongue and crawling out, he seemed to take on an almost liquid form and dribble out of his host's mouth, pooling onto the floor in a puddle of sticky black goo of the same consistency as Explodey after detonating.

He trickled across the floor, slowly returning to gaseous form and rising into the air as he moved across the room. He finally became his usual ghost-like self as he reached the front door, which he phased through. Once more, the alien found himself out in the streets of Ponyville, only now it was night time.

Street lights illuminated the small town nearby him, but everything was so different than usual. Once upon a time, you could see the lights of the city of Canterlot up above and in the distance, from the top of a great mountain. Now that mountain was barely visible, because no lights came from it. There was just a distant dark shape that may or may not have been the mountain.

Now, most of the light in Ponyville came from the Prometheus. The giant airship was parked on the far side of the town, blocking almost the entire skyline in that direction from view with its massive scale. Even the gondola alone was huge, and its many windows showed that inside, all the lights were on and the ship was still very much operational, even if not flying. In fact, he could even see unfamiliar ponies milling about in there, on their way to some other part of the ship.

Sliske sighed.

Guess I had better go back...

Gold Coin lifted his arc welding helmet and smiled at his work. Despite his choice in head gear, he was actually using a chainsaw right now, and had felt the need to get the helmet because it was cooler that way. Either way, he had just finished sawing the top half off of the bunk bed.

He tossed the chainsaw aside and bucked open the door to his quarters. Gripping the top half of bed frame in his teeth, he then dragged it back into the corridor, earning him some strange looks from a passing pegasus on his way to his own room.

"Ha!" Gold Coin thought, "No stupid bunk beds for me! Never again, Cheddar Cross. Never again!"

He rushed back into the room and jumped onto his now relatively normal bed happily. Looking around, he contemplated whether or not to get a water cooler in here, like they had in the clinic now. This ship probably had loads of extras in storage somewhere.

Hey, with the recent apocalypse and the fall of Canterlot, the Prometheus was very likely to be the new base of operations for both the princesses and him and his friends. If he was going to be spending any amount of time here, he had to get to personalising the place. Make it feel more like home.

Hmm...We are in Ponyville. I could probably stop by my mansion on the far side of the acres and pick up some of my stuff...Like my mini fridge!

There was a knock on the door. Rather pointless since it was still hanging open, but it got his attention, because he sat up and saw that Easy Eight was waiting for him. Gold Coin jumped off the bed as the red maned, blue unicorn stepped in and closed the door behind him.

"I just came from the clinic," he said, "They explained everything about what happened...That batpony said you wanted to see me about something?"

The earth pony rushed forward and grabbed him, pressing his face against his and staring right into his eyes.

"You. Fuck me. Now."

"Meep..."

"DISPENSING RATIONS!" a chrome coloured pony android screamed.

Chain Mail and Mystic both leaned far back to try and distance themselves from the robot chef as it opened its mouth and spewed green stuff all over their plastic dinner trays.

"...What is this?" asked Chain Mail, almost afraid of the answer.

"HIGH PROTEIN MILITARY GRADE GRUEL, CITIZEN. SPECIALLY MIXED TO PROVIDE MAXIMUM POSSIBLE NUTRIENTS FOR THE PONY FORM."

Mystic looked traumatised.

"...Is there anything else?" he said meekly.

"NEGATIVE. ENJOY YOUR MEAL, CITIZEN."

Ancient Tome popped up from behind the counter, covered in grease and magically wiping sweat off his brow with an oversized handkerchief.

"That isn't true," he said, "There are ample supplies of actual food. I'm just having trouble getting the robot chef to dispense them. Bear with me for a moment and I'll get this working."

He disappeared below the counter again, and the two ponies heard the sound of clanking metal and bolts being turned.

"THIS UNIT IS BEING VIOLATED. SECURITY HAS BEEN ALERTED."

"Security is disabled," Tome called from below, "Nothing to worry about. You two just go eat your slop."

The cafeteria of the Prometheus wasn't exactly busy, but neither was it empty. Though many of the former zombies returned and wanted to go to their rooms and get some sleep, still others were hungry and wanted to visit the cafeteria first instead.

About nine or ten other ponies were dotted around the large mess hall eating their gruel with varying states of enthusiasm or satisfaction, most of them getting an entire table to themselves, though a few of them sat together. With so much free space, Chain Mail and Mystic just took the first table they could, and sat there waiting for Tome to fix the chef.

"So..." Chain Mail began.

He quickly realised he had nothing to say as Mystic just looked at him and waited for him to say whatever he was going to. The captain searched for something to talk about.

I am no good with kids.

"...So...Ancient Tome. He's your father, right? What's he like with you?"

"He scares me," Mystic said quietly.

"...Umm...What about your mother?" he asked, "Is she not...?"

"She died..."

Chain Mail slumped on the table, trying to think of anything that would make the conversation less awkward.

"...I...I know what that's like," he said eventually, "To lose a mother. Mine died when I was twenty three, but she was sort of my only carer. I never knew my father."

"Was she nice?"

"No. She wasn't nice. But she was caring. She was a harsh mistress, but everything she ever did was for my sake, and that's really what a mother should be, in my opinion. She did love me though. I do miss her sometimes..."

"Was she a guard like you?" asked Mystic, finally getting more open with the captain.

"Eh...No..."

"Was it your dad then?"

"Not as far as I'm aware..."

"So why'd they call you 'Chain Mail' then?"

Chains' eyes darted back and forth, making sure they weren't being watched and he leaned in closer.

"Between you and me, I'm not named after the type of armour. My mother was a mailmare. She delivered letters. Everypony in our family worked in postage in some way, as a sort of tradition, going back hundreds of years. 'Chain Mail' is actually supposed to be a weird way of saying 'chain letter', those weird messages you get that say 'pass this along to ten other ponies you know or else you will die in five days' or something stupid like that. Seriously."

Mystic stared at him briefly, before breaking out into fits of laughter.

"It's not funny!" said Chain Mail, sounding embarrassed.

"Hahahahahaha!"

He grumbled.

"Damn kids..."

In the cargo hold, curled up off to one side, a dragon kicked in his sleep, as he always did. As he had every single night for a thousand years...

The forest was dying. As the great beast lurched forward, everything he passed withered and crumbled into ash. The trees shrank until they were mere sticks and snapped. The grass became black and shrivelled back into the earth which bore it. The bushes and flowers all just fell apart and became dust in the wind. Overhead, the ponies and their dragon companion could see the sun, blocked by the moon in a grand eclipse.

"FOOLISH MORTALS. DO YOU NOT REALISE THAT THE WORLD BELONGS TO TIRAC? MY INFINITE MAJESTY SHALL SPREAD ACROSS THIS PATHETIC WORLD, AND ALL SHALL PERISH. EVERYTHING WILL BECOME AS IT ONCE WAS. I WILL STAND TRIUMPHANT IN THE FACE OF HARMONY, IN THE FACE OF THE DRAGONS WHO DARED OPPOSE ME, AND SOON EVEN THEY WILL BECOME ONE WITH THE DARKNESS."

"Keep running everypony!" Twilight cried, "I need to think of something! I just need more time!"

Spike kept a steady pace by her side. He was crying in fear and running as fast as his little legs could carry him. It was just him now. He was the last one left. All the dragons in all the world, from the new hatchlings to the great dragon elders of old, were all gone. Tirac took them. He was powerful. So powerful that the Elements of Harmony themselves did nothing to him. But he had one weakness. Dragon fire.

"Twilight!" Applejack cried over the chaos, "If we don't make it out of this-"

"No Applejack! We'll make it! We just need to think of something!"

His awakening was said to herald the end of days. Tirac burst out of a volcano on the day of the eclipse. The sun and moon had frozen in the sky. Celestia and Luna had gone to the dragon elders for assistance. Tirac was their enemy. They were the only ones able to fight him. His one single weakness. But they had come too late. The demon had defeated them all.

Then he came for the others. The rest of dragonkind were powerless to stop him. He fought every single member of Spike's race to the death, and took their souls as trophies. Twilight and her friends had been fighting tooth and nail ever since to defend Spike. He was only little, but as of four hours ago, he was the last dragon in Equestria.

"Twilight look!" called Pinkie.

The seven of them skidded to a stop in front of a huge cliff face. It had been blocked from view by the trees before, but now they realised they had ran straight into a dead end. The stomping of the huge demon behind them turned their attention back to the path they just came from. The trees suddenly turned grey and crumbled, revealing the huge armoured red beast. He sneered at them.

"YOU HAVE FAILED, AVATARS OF HARMONY. YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS. YOUR PRINCESSES LAY DEFEATED. THE DRAGONS ELDERS ARE ALL DEAD. THEIR SOULS ARE MINE. AND NOW I SHALL WIPE THE STENCH OF THE LAST OF YOU WRETCHED LIZARDS FROM MY NEW WORLD."

The six ponies all huddled around Spike defiantly. Twilight grew angry.

"You are NOT taking him!" she shouted, "I don't care WHO you are, Tirac! NOPONY harms our friends! Not EVER!"

"YOUR VALIANCE IS ADMIRABLE, MORTAL. YOUR DEATH SHALL BE SWIFT."

Spike turned to look at the faces of six mares. Fluttershy was cowering with her eyes closed, genuinely believing that it was the end for them all. Rainbow Dash was experiencing a rare moment of showing true fear, and was trying hard not to tremble. Pinkie Pie and Rarity both stood ready, grim but determined. Applejack was angry looking as well, defiant to the end, and Twilight...she was Twilight.

"Stand in front of him girls," Twilight ordered, "We're not letting him get Spike!"

"No Twilight! You might get hurt!" Spike protested.

"Spike, you're the only one left," Rarity explained, "If he takes you now, he wins! And I could never live with myself either if anything were to happen to you. You're just a baby dragon Spike!"

The demon grinned at them. Spike wiped away his tears.

"No."

"What?" said Twilight.

"I said no!" he screamed, "I'm not a baby anymore! I'm not going to let this jerk get away with everything he's done!"

"Spikey!" Pinkie interrupted, "You can't hurt him! You're just an itty-bitty little dragon, and he's HUGE like a...a...house!"

Tirac let out a might fit of laughter.

"SHE IS RIGHT, DRAGON WHELP. YOU LACK THE SIZE AND POWER TO STAND UP TO ME. SURELY YOU CANNOT PRESUME TO DEFEAT ME WHEN EVEN THE ELDERS COULD NOT?"

"I may be little," said Spike, "But I'm the only one who can do anything. Maybe I can't defeat you..."

The little dragon held up both his fists.

"...But I can still try!"

Celestia galloped along the rooftops alongside the main road. Every time she reached a gap between buildings she would make a mighty leap and glide to the other side, but she stuck to the rooftops themselves rather than completely taking to the air.

Down below, Second's car tore down the street, knocking others aside. It moved onto the sidewalk and began to knock down ponies and send them flying into the air. Second himself was leaning out the window, giggling with glee as he pulled a giant bazooka and fired at the rooftop where Celestia was keeping pace with him.

The princess had to time her jumps right to avoid him. No flying. Not yet.

"TAG. YOU'RE IT!"

Another rocket struck near her hooves, and this time Celestia failed to dodge. She went tumbling again down towards the road itself, but opened her wings before she hit the ground and continued to glide downwards towards Second's car.

The human ducked back inside the window and then popped out of the sun roof like a Jack-in-a-box. This time he had a much larger weapon. What did that thing even shoot?!

Celestia quickly found out, as what appeared to be a tank shell shot past her and struck the road behind her. She looked back quickly and saw a small mushroom cloud where it hit, and a few cars being knocked off the road by the force of it. More than that though, one single car dodged past the explosion and continued racing towards them.

Second readied another shot, but Celestia folded her wings and dropped straight out of the sky.

The car was racing so fast, that by the time the alicorn was about to hit the ground, it was already below her, and she landed on the roof. She looked down through the windscreen to see a dark mare within, dressed in a red, green and yellow outfit and with a mask over her face as well. Luna grinned at her, and accelerated. The streamlined black sports car shot forward as the turbine flared up, and it left a trail of burning tyre tracks in its wake.

Up ahead, Second ducked back into the car and turned to his driver.

"Floor it, pony!" he shouted.

"Yes sir, whoever you are!" cried the terrified pegasus.

Second backhanded the pony.

"I'm the Joker, moron!"

"Of course sir! Please don't kill me!"

Soft Spoken frowned with determination as he approached the light in the distance. Through the thick trees of the forest, he could make out the shape of a ruined old shack, overgrown with moss and ivy, one wall falling apart, and graffitied all over. The front door was hanging open, and on the porch outside it, a number of ponies sat around on old wooden chairs, talking.

They were mostly earth ponies, though not all of them. More than a few wore straw hats and overalls, and an earth pony sitting on a chair right next to the door was sharpening a giant knife. One next to him was taking a swig of what appeared to be moonshine. Hanging from the top of the porch was a small firefly lantern, which was the source of the light he had seen.

With a sigh, Softy emerged from the trees and onto the pathway leading up to the shack. It wasn't long before the ponies noticed him and walked out to greet him.

"Well, look what we've got here..." said the earth pony with the knife, smiling confidently, "What are you doing out here, pony? Long way from home, ain't ya...?"

He licked his lips in anticipation, but one of the other ponies was scrutinising him closely.

"Wait...Aren't you the Tramplevania ambassador?"

"Mister Spoken," Softy introduced, "My cousin was Van Helsing. You might have known him."

Suddenly, there was fear in the ponies' eyes.

"Get him!"

They were about to lunge, but Softy reached behind him and whipped out a blessed emblem of the sun and moon and held it out in front of him, stopping them in their tracks. They had revealed their true forms the moment they had tried to attack, and their fangs and blood red eyes were now clearly visible.

"And just like him, I know all about how to deal with vampires. I come from a family of mercenaries and soldiers, and I could easily take up his mantle and continue to slay your kind in the name of avenging him. I'm not going to however, because I'm nice, and I want to give you a chance. I'm here to the negotiate an end to your attacks on the ponies of Equestria, and I mean ALL of Equestria, not just Tramplevania. You can listen to what I have to say, or we can fight. And be warned, I will destroy all of you."

"Put down the knife," hissed one of the vampires to the other.

The vampire with the knife reluctantly lowered it, grumbling under his breath.

"You have three minutes to make your case, pony. Convince us."

Second leaned against the wall and tried to support himself. He had had way too much to drink, and was barely able to support himself or walk straight. Silver tried to move over to help him, but he shooed her away.

"I'm nearly there..." he mumbled, "I don't need nobody's help...fucking...ponies...and shit...I AM LORD SECOND!"

"Sir, I think you may have a drinking problem..." Silver said quietly.

"An' what the fuck do you know?!" the human shouted, pointing at her accusingly, "Do you even know how alcohol works for humans?! What if this is my natural state, and when I talk to you normally, that's a sign that I'm badly ill?! Did ya think about that?! HUH?!"

Silver backed away as Second stumbled the rest of the way down the corridor, until he eventually reached Celestia's bedroom.

"I'll be here if you need me..." he slurred, "And please...don't need me. I need to fucking sleep...goddamn ponies..."

He kicked open the door and stormed inside, continuing to rant to himself. Since he had forgotten to do it himself, Silver closed the door for him.

Finally alone, Second walked over to one of Celestia's mirrors. On a desk to the side was the camera he had used to records his logs earlier in here. Laying next to it was a video tape in the old VHS format, and a player and TV to view it for when Celestia eventually retook Canterlot, as he was sure she would.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. His face was still a horrible mess. Too much fire. He hated fire. It had left him not with skin so much as just scorched and burnt flesh. He was still missing an eye as well. He had an eye patch at one point to go over the empty socket, but he'd lost it fighting Celestia.

Though, he was surprised how little the loss of an eye seemed to affect his vision.

"Screw this," he sighed, "I don't even care anymore."

"SECONDARY FOOD SUPPLIES ARE AVAILABLE NOW," announced the robot chef, "THIS UNIT NOW DISPENSING."

Chain Mail and Mystic were this time at the front of a much larger queue as more and more ponies had slowly been coming into the room, and those that were already there before were eagerly awaiting actual food.

"SECONDARY FOOD SUPPLIES ARE AVAILABLE NOW. THIS UNIT NOW-"

It cut off mid-sentence. An exhausted Ancient Tome climbed up and over the counter, practically coloured black from all the grease staining his coat.

"Okay..." he gasped, "Everything's fine now. It should all...work..."

Chain Mail turned back to the chef.

"MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"

"I'll have anything that isn't gruel."

"DISPENSING EGGS AND BACON."

"Can I not have anything with meat in it either?"

"DISPENSING EGGS AND BAKED BEANS."

"Does that come with toast?"

"CONFIRMED. AND ORANGE JUICE."

Unlike last time when the robot chef vomited their meal onto the tray, this time it spat out a neat little square shaped package. Once it hit the tray, the package bounced slightly and then burst open, and a plate of already hot eggs, baked beans and toast, a filled glass of orange juice, and cutlery and a napkin all fell back down onto the tray.

"ENJOY YOUR MEAL, CITIZEN."

Chain Mail smiled.

"Wow. That's surprisingly efficient. Good job!"

"YOUR THANKS HAVE BEEN NOTED. ENJOY YOUR MEAL, CITIZEN."

Now it was Mystic's turn to order.

"Got any sponge cake?!" he asked.

"CONFIRMED. DISPENSING SPONGE CAKE."

"Mystic, don't you think you should get something healthier?" asked Chain Mail.

Too late. Mystic's package had already released a sponge cake.

"ENJOY YOUR MEAL, CITIZEN."

"Hey!" Chain Mail protested, "He needs a proper meal! Give him something more substantial."

The android gave him a look that would have made lesser ponies tremble.

"THIS UNIT HAS A NO REFUND POLICY."

"Refund? What refund? We don't have to pay you any-"

Ancient Tome shot forward and put a hoof over the captain's mouth.

"Shut up you stupid fool!" he whispered into his ear, "You're supposed to pay the android Secopolis credits! He doesn't know I disabled that subroutine!"

"ENJOY. YOUR. MEAL. CITIZEN," the chef said insistently.

Mystic grabbed his tray full of cake and happily ran off to one of the tables. Chain Mail just smiled awkwardly and backed away from it.

"Uhh...Thank you, robot...chef...guy..."

"YOUR THANKS HAVE BEEN NOTED. ENJOY YOUR MEAL, CITIZEN."

Easy Eight stared at the ceiling.

"Wow," he said.

"Yeah, that's what they all say," Gold Coin replied smugly as he reclined.

"I learned a lot of things about myself today. I'm not sure if I like them or not."

"Are you complaining?"

"No..."

"Well then."

"Mr. Gold Coin, I didn't even know you liked-"

"I don't. I'm just not picky."

The unicorn frowned.

"But when I met you in that bar in Canterlot, I could have sworn you were straight."

"Easy, this is Equestria; nopony is straight."

"Alright, half hour break," Night Shroud announced, "Everypony who wants something to eat, the cafeteria is open and I'm informed the food dispensers are working properly now. You've all got thirty, be back here by the end of it."

The volunteers all cheered and rushed out of the clinic in a stampede, leaving only Night Shroud and Explodey in the room.

"Can somepony unstrap me now?" asked Explodey, "If I don't need to do anything while we're on break, I want to be able to walk around at least."

The batpony walked over to the operating table and released the straps, freeing the unicorn who groaned as he stretched his legs and began to trot in place.

"Ah! That's more like it!"

Night Shroud ignored him and went to get a drink from the water cooler. Explodey followed him over.

"So...you're an evil cultist, huh? What's that like? Do you have to sacrifice virgins?" he asked conversationally.

The former night guard raised an eyebrow and put his water down on the counter.

"I don't know. What's it like being an inequine abomination?"

"It's awesome. I can't ever die, I have super explosion powers, and I've got all this knowledge about the human world in my head, including several movies that I have memorised! In fact, for the last half an hour, I've been playing a human movie called 'Austin Powers' in my head, about this guy called-"

"Alright! Great!" Night Shroud interrupted, "Forget I asked!"

"You sound mad. Did I say something wrong?"

The batpony looked like he was about to say something, but then stopped.

"Actually, while we've got time, I have a real question for you. I consider myself a pony of science. I like to know how things work. So, tell me how you 'naturally produce' a zombie cure within your body? I want to know the specifics of it."

"Oh. You sure? That could take a while."

Night Shroud pulled out a pair of spectacles and put them on, and drew a pencil and notepad.

"I'm sure."

The batmobile and the other car were neck and neck. Moving at roughly the same speed, Celestia was able to jump from the top of her car onto the next. She moved up to the front of the car and smashed a hoof through the windscreen. The pegasus inside screamed in fear, but she reached past him and yanked out the clown-suited Second.

He punched her in the gut and made her drop him. He fell out of her grip and onto the roof of the car, and went rolling towards the hood. The princess caught him in her magic before he fell off and dragged him back, but this just brought him in range to punch her again, and they began to brawl.

"Getting a little excessive, aren't we?!" Second gasped as Celestia choked him.

She smashed a hoof into his face, and he spat out a tooth right up into her eye. She recoiled as he did and tried to remove it, and in that split second he put his arms around her mid-section, lifted her up and tossed her off the back of the car.

Celestia landed in the road and dodged to the side just in time to avoid being ran over by the cars behind him. Second meanwhile was still atop his car, and he laughed as he leapt from on top of it over onto the batmobile.

The princess got up and took flight, rushing towards Second.

She didn't move fast enough though, as he pulled a fist back and punched through the windscreen of the batmobile just as she had done to his car and climbed inside. It began to skid across the road and swerve from side to side, knocking other traffic aside carelessly. Evidently he and Luna were fighting too.

The other car he was in before tried to drive away, the pegasus obviously thinking he had a chance to escape Second, but the batmobile went in pursuit of it even as it barely managed to keep control of itself. As they swerved over the road, Celestia flew overhead of them, and landed on the roof of the batmobile just in time before it took a sudden turn towards an alleyway off to the side.

It rammed the other car in the side and pushed it into the alleyway. The alley was on the other side of the road, and thus they went through another line of traffic coming from the side, which narrowly dodged them, before the batmobile rammed the car it was pushing into an alleyway too small for it, and the whole front half came clean off.

The batmobile continued driving into the long alleyway, pushing along the mangled remains of the back half of Second's original car, the front having been long left behind. Inside the wreckage, the terrified pegasus curled up in a ball and started crying.

Celestia leapt from the batmobile onto the wreckage and turned to face her own vehicle head on, and was unsurprised, though still upset to find it was now Second who was at the wheel. She charged a spell to attack him, but he then reached behind him and grabbed her unconscious sister, who he tossed out through the broken windscreen to knock her off.

Both the alicorns landed on their backs on the solid ground, just in front of the wreckage. They noticed however that it was no longer being pushed forward, otherwise it would have been pushing them along too or ran over them. Second had instead bailed out of the batmobile and ran off down the alley in the direction they came from.

Luna was out cold, so Celestia got back on her hooves and watched as Second rushed towards a closed door halfway down the alley, which he unlocked with a key he pulled out of his inside pocket and disappeared into.

A whimpering pegasus gangster remained inside the ruined car, presumably once the possession of his boss. Frightened or not though, he was still a criminal. More than that, he was one of the criminals she had originally set out this night with the purpose of stopping. Of course, now that had changed. Now he was also a witness, with information she needed.

He squealed in fear as a large mare with bat wings and a horn, clad in a dark costume and cowl, ripped the door off the car with her magic and reached in to grab him. She glared at him.

"What did he want with you?!" she demanded.

"Needed to find the warehouse..." he gasped as the princess choked him, "This warehouse...He said got the key when he killed the boss, but not the location...made me drive us here...GAH! Please let go of my throat!"

Celestia growled and knocked the pegasus unconscious by slamming his head against the car. As he fell down in a heap, she spared a glance at her sister.

She'll be fine.

Then she rushed over to the door to follow her nemesis into the warehouse.

The mayor and a number of the villagers holding torches waited at the edge of the forest, looking at Softy expectantly as he emerged from the trees. He smiled at them all, and the mayor stepped forward to greet him.

"Mister Spoken?" he asked nervously, "How did it go? Did you end the threat?"

"Indeed I did. I was able to negotiate an end to the hostilities against Equestria and Tramplevania. We need not fear their kind anymore."

The old pony just looked stunned.

"You...you actually convinced them to stop?!"

"Bargained with them. I worked out a deal. We may have peace with their kind and they will bother us no more. In exchange, every month the ponies of Tramplevania will provide a blood tithe. A few pints of blood, nothing they can't live without."

"What?!" the mayor said angrily, "Out of the question! We will not-"

"The vampires need blood to live," Softy explained, "If they don't feed, they die. They're not keen on the idea of starving to death, and if nopony gives them blood willingly, they're forced to take it, hence their continuing war against our village. If every villager were to willingly provide a paltry donation of blood only once a month for their continued survival, they would never have any need to resort to violence again. We could put an end to this conflict, and nopony would need to die."

"Bribery and blackmail!" the mayor spat, "Pay tithes to undead tyrants in exchange for mercy, and the promise that they won't kill us?! And I don't trust the word of bloodsuckers anyway! Those monsters can say they attack us out of necessity, but that doesn't mean they don't love every minute of it too!"

"I don't deny that, but this way we can put a stop to the fighting. No more deaths. They might enjoy it, but if they have no need to use violence, they won't restart a war for the fun of it."

The mayor pondered his proposition. The townsfolk behind him murmured to each other as well.

"...Mister Spoken, I trust your word. You and your cousin did great things for Tramplevania. We do not dispute this. However, I don't think it's fair to expect my ponies to pay a blood tithe just in exchange for not being killed. That's practically blackmail. I'm not against peaceful solutions though. If we could set this up a different way, turn it into commerce, TRADE blood to the vampires instead..."

"I agree that that would be the ideal solution, but it was difficult enough just arguing them down to the idea of tithes in the first place."

"I do not believe it is too unreasonable for us to expect something in exchange for such a thing. Not attempting to murder us all shouldn't be something we have to pay for. That's just common courtesy."

"You raise legitimate points," Softy admitted, "I will return to the forest and tell them your terms."

Gold Coin wandered back into the clinic to find Explodey off the operating table and sharing a conversation with Night Shroud over by the water cooler, who was listening intently and nodding his head every so often. All the other volunteer ponies who were there before seemed to have left.

"Hey, where is everypony?" he asked as he approached.

"On break," Explodey explained, "They should be back in about ten minutes though. Hey...What is that in your mane?"

"What's what in my mane?"

"Yeah, what is that?" asked Night Shroud, "It's sort of...Is that mayonnaise?"

Gold Coin's eyes darted back and forth.

"Ehh...I'm not sure that's mayonnaise..." said Explodey.

He reached forward and ran a hoof through Gold Coin's mane. The earth pony was disturbed when he saw that Explodey had some white stuff on his hoof, which disgustingly enough he then licked.

"Hmm...I think that's semen..."

"What?" Night Shroud said sceptically, "No way."

Explodey licked it again, and then held out his hoof to the batpony.

"Taste that. That is definitely semen."

Gold Coin was surprised to find that Night Shroud tasted it too. His face scrunched up as he seemed to analyse it, before nodding.

"Yeah, I think you're right. That's semen."

The earth pony stared at them.

"...Do I even want to know how either of you know what semen tastes like?"

"Hey, we have equally awkward questions we could be asking you right now," Night Shroud pointed out.

"...I think we should all agree not to think too hard about this."

"Agreed."

The atmosphere at the table was awkward. Mystic tried to just enjoy his cake, but his father sat immediately opposite him next to Captain Chain Mail. Every time the colt looked up, Tome would smile at him or try to initiate conversation, and Mystic would just shy away.

"Son, please...Just talk to me..." Tome begged.

The little unicorn ducked to hide behind the rest of his cake.

"Mystic, what will it take to get you to forgive me?"

No answer.

"I just want to be your father again. I'd give up everything for things to be the way they used to be. If I made mistakes, I'm sorry. I was just doing what I thought was right. Can't you give me a second chance? Let me make it up to you? Please?"

Mystic laid down on his plastic stool and turned his back to Tome. Still he didn't give any kind of vocal response, continuing to ignore him.

"...Okay. If you're not ready yet, I understand."

Tome got up out of his seat and began to leave, floating his dinner tray along behind him.

"I'll just leave you with the captain, and go check on some other things. I'll probably see you tomorrow. If you want to come talk to me before then...well...you can talk to me anytime you want. I've always got time. Just come find me. Okay?"

The old unicorn walked away sadly, leaving Mystic and Chain Mail alone at their table. Once Ancient Tome was gone, the captain moved over to the other side of the table to sit next to Mystic, who remained turned away from him.

"Are you alright, kid?" he asked.

"Fine..."

"...I know he did some bad things, but he is still your father. You shouldn't cut him out like that. He's trying to make up for it, and he still loves you. Don't you think you should at least give him a chance?"

"He's a bad pony though...He tried to hurt Softy, and Mr. Gold Coin when he saved me, and back in Canterlot too..."

"Look, I know," said Chain Mail, "I know what it's like to see somepony you trusted do a bad thing. I once trusted Private Iron Hoof, as I did all my soldiers, and then he tried to kill me twice in the name of his precious Brotherhood. You do know which one is Iron Hoof, right?"

"...I always called him Uncle Iron," Mystic said sadly.

Still no good with kids...

"...I...Sorry. But I do know what it's like to feel that kind of betrayal. It hurts. More for you than anypony, I imagine. Thing is though, Tome never meant to hurt you. He was just-"

"No. He just wanted to hurt other ponies. That excuses everything. As long as he didn't mean to hurt me personally, everything's just fine."

The captain was surprised by the colt's response. It sounded like nothing a nine year old would ever come out with. It was cold, and firm, and it gave an impression that Mystic had a solid moral code that he was absolutely sure of. It was very different than his usual self.

"...Sliske?"

"I AM NOT SLISKE!"

Mystic turned to face him properly. Anger was written across his face, and his eyes clearly resembled that of his alien friend, though he didn't have the teeth. He was like some sort of hybrid of the two.

"...Mystic, calm down."

He stopped, and his eyes looked normal again.

"...I...I'm sorry, Mr. Chain Mail. I didn't mean to..."

"It's alright. We all get angry sometimes. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just trying to help..."

"I'm sorry..."

Chain Mail smiled at him.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Everything's fine, right? We're okay?"

"...Yeah."

"Friends?"

"Friends."

"Ahem."

The two ponies turned to look behind them, and found a big cloud of smoke with a face floating behind them.

"Is this a bad time?" asked Sliske, "Only, I have a really serious problem..."

Softy gawked as he walked through the ruins of the small village. Thatched cottages burned around him, ponies laid dead on the ground, withered husks drained of all their blood. One pony was impaled by a pitchfork and had been stuck in the wall of his house. Written across the house in dried blood were words:

SPOKEN'S LAW.

"Mister Spoken..."

He heard the soft whisper of his name, and searched around for its source. Among the bodies, he found one pony still alive. It was the mayor, slowly dying as the town he had helped build crumbled before his eyes.

"Mayor...What happened?"

"They came back...so many of them...They said the tithe was due. We said you had only just told us about it, and we were still coming to a decision...We said you had just left to go back to them and tell them our terms. Then the leader, he got this big smile on his face...Grinned at us and said, 'Spoken's not here, eh?', and then they attacked...caught us off guard...slaughtered everypony..."

"No...No!" Softy protested, "They...!"

"I'm sorry, Mister Spoken...You did try..."

The mayor's head fell back and his eyes closed. Softy tried to shake him awake, but he was gone.

"Mayor, please..."

There was no sound in the village except for the crackling of the fires. As he laid down the mayor's head, Soft Spoken stood up tall, a look of firm resolve crossing his features. He looked back towards the forest.

"I tried my way, cousin. Now I'll do it the proper way."

Then everything became a blur. Suddenly, it was no longer a destroyed village. Suddenly, Soft Spoken was back at the shack, running through the woods, tracking lights through the forest to find a bunch of other similar shacks.

He was in a shantytown. Vampires saw him coming, and lunged towards him.

It all became hazy. Red mist descended. Wooden stakes flew, garlic was tossed, sword strikes were narrowly avoided. A vampire died in slow agony as it was drenched in holy water, and burned as if it had been thrown on a pyre. Monstrous, fanged creatures jumped through the darkness to attack...no, to escape...

They weren't fast enough. And soon a single earth pony stood as the sole survivor as yet another village burned, the undead piled up around him. They were undead no longer. He had returned them to the grave.

He looked around at the victims of his massacre. Monsters, all of them. They were a plague that needed to die for the good of Equestria. They had taken his offer of peace and spat it back in his face. He knew that it could have never ended any other way.

That didn't make him feel any better though. This had been the first time he had ever raised a hoof against another living creature, and he was horrified to see what he was capable of.

"...No more..." he said to himself, "I'm done with this. From this day forward, I'm never picking up a weapon in anger again. I can't trust myself with them."

He tossed his last wooden stake on the ground behind him and walked off through the trees, leaving the remains of the vampires' settlement to be lost to time.

The old stallion woke up, and stared up at the underside of the upper bunk.

I've never killed anypony in my life, and I don't plan to start now.

And to think, Sliske had thought he could have been the Element of Honesty. The idea he could have been an element at all, much less that one, astounded him. The idea anypony thought he could be kindness was equally impossible in his eyes. Because as he remembered that night, so many decades ago and so far away, he was convinced that there was nopony in the world worse than he was.

One hundred and thirty years. That's a lot of regret.

Celestia walked into the warehouse and looked around her. Tall stacks of crates either side of her formed a singular pathway. Assuming the most sensible option, that Second hadn't tried to climb over them, she followed the pathway through the crates.

To her surprise, she eventually ended up in a large open area, though not a warehouse. Instead, she was in some kind of carnival show.

There was even what sounded like carnival music.

She looked around at the environment, at the bouncy castle, at the hall of mirrors, at a giant slide attraction and many other interesting looking things. Hanging from the ceiling over the entire carnival was a giant picture of a pony clown's face, positioned just above a small portable ticket booth.

Was this still inside the warehouse?

Then suddenly there was organ music. It was loud and intruding. Celestia looked all around her trying to discern its source, but could find nothing. Then on the other side of the carnival, Second emerged from the ticket booth. He held his arms out either side of him, basking in the absurdity of their situation, as if the chaos and nonsensity of it gave him strength.

He smiled at her as he walked over, and as the organ music died and a somehwat more quiet and subtle tune began to play instead. As it did, Second sung.

"Grinning down through the gates,
Watch the night suffocate,
All the light as it smothers the sun...
I can tell by the moon,
You'll be joining me soon,
As a guest in my fortress of fun!"

He jumped up into her face.

"And I can't wait to see you,
And once again free you,
Released from your humourless air!
Someday I will replace,
That big frown on your face,
With a smile and a murderous glare..."

The music flared up again as it reached what Celestia assumed to be the chorus.

"We are two of a kind,
Violent, unsound of mind!
You're the yin to my yang, can't you see?
And if I were to leave ,
You would grumble and grieve,
Face it, Bats...
You'd be lost without me!"

He turned and walked away from her.

"You'd be lost..."

Invisible voices from nowhere joined him.

"(You'd be lost)."

"You'd be lost..."

"(You'd be lost)."

He turned back and pointed at her.

"Face it, Bats...You'd be lost without me!"

He adopted a softer tone as he continued the song, and Celestia just stood staring at him.

"I'm just trying to show you,
Just how well I know you,
I understand just how you feel.
Threw your reason away,
'Cause you had one bad day,
And your mind let go of the wheel."

His voice picked up again.

"Still we're fated to battle,
You pout and I prattle!
Don't you ever tire of this game?
But you'll not make it end,
'Cause I'm your only friend!
We are opposites but we're the same!"

The chorus started up again, and Second continued to bound about the room and make grand gestures with his arms, while the music from nowhere continued to fill the room. When it came time, his mysterious backup singers returned.

"...Face it, Bats, you'd be lost without me! You'd be lost..."

"(You'd be lost)."

"You'd be lost..."

"(You'd be lost)."

"Face it, Tia. You'd be lost without me!"

Did he just change a word?

No time to question it, he had already moved onto the final verse.

"We have so many wonderful stories,
I have studied the mind of this bat,
A hero with no praise or glory,
Just his cape and his cave and his..."

He made a noise that Celestia couldn't make out, and then broke into fits of maniacal laughter as the organ music returned once more. Whatever he was laughing at, he found it hysterical, as he was holding his sides and leaning over. He approached Celestia as he did, and the princess couldn't help but join in the final chorus.

They sung in unison.

"We are two of a kind."

"We are two of a kind."

"Violent, unsound of mind."

"Violent, unsound of mind."

"You're the yin to my yang, can't you see?"

"You're the yin to my yang, can't you see?"

"And if I were to leave, you would grumble and grieve."

"And if I were to leave, you would grumble and grieve."

"Face it, Tia!"

"Face it, Second!"

"You'd be lost without me!"

Second sung the final lines alone, save for the other voices.

"You'd be lost."

"(You'd be lost)."

"You'd be lost."

"(You'd be lost)."

He began to cough.

"Face it, Bats...You'd be lost without me!"

As the dream faded, Celestia too awoke. Luna still laid next to her, evidently having more peaceful dreams as she smiled in her sleep. The older sister though just looked around the dark room and thought back on her dream.

She realised in that moment just how strange her relation to Second was. Though she hadn't know him the longest by far out of her rogues gallery, him being a comparatively recent enemy in contrast to others like Sliske or Discord, he had had such an impact on her in the brief time he had been free.

How many of her other enemies could claim to have successfully killed her?

And even though he had done that, shot her with his magical god-killer on at least two occasions, ripped off her sister's horn, destroyed the capital of her beloved kingdom and murdered thousands, she was still working with him, and he had made her promises that she actually took his word for. Was she insane? Was that what the dream was trying to tell her?

She had to be. There was no way any sane mare would have trusted Lord Second for anything. Especially not over the word of his son. Lord First had proven far more worthy of her help, and he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy, who wanted to put an end to the bloodshed. And yet...she couldn't convince herself that his idea was what was best for Equestria.

This Pantheon needed to be taken down. At any cost.

The princess hugged Luna and settled back down to sleep, and hoped to dream of more pleasant things next time. She thought of a thousand years ago. Of the day her sister came back to her and they reunited in the ruins of their old castle. She thought of reading friendship reports with a cup of tea and a warm fire. She thought of Equestria during peacetime.

Though, one rogue thought crossed her mind as she fell back to sleep.

I wonder what Second dreams about...

"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Second brought his boot down again, and he sang happily over Celestia's screams.

"I'm, a-stomping on the priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiincess, all the live-long day!"

Because sometimes, a relationship isn't nearly as complicated as it might seem. Sometimes, people just hate each other.

END

Author's notes:

There's a Simpsons reference in this chapter, if you can spot it.

Sorry if I was light on the comedy this chapter too. I had some other material lined up that I found no place for, and all my effort went into the Batman parts. Guess you guys will have to make do with character development for now. Don't worry though. Soon we will move onto something more adventurous, as our heroes travel to distant lands and strange shit happens on a mountain.

Also, before anyone tells me that my depiction of Zarlow in this chapter contradicts Sliske's line in earlier chapters about having experience using guns, (assuming any of you noticed that at all), this is not a plot hole. That's going to be explained later. I plan these things out to an insane degree. Give me some credit.

Next Chapter: Second tries pegasus.